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DemonDarkhorse posted:not anymore, they tightened up the return policy quite a bit.  Surprise ending! Pretty normal night tonight. I might get through this one without feeling any degree of seething rage. SpaceClown posted:Quit your retail job to run a camera tripod forum and then use your experience to start a comedy forum. I hear that is mighty profitable. I'm hesitant to take advice from a self-professed extra-terrestrial jester. Idk something just tells me that you may not entirely be on the up-and-up 
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Jun 15, 2017 01:46
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FactsAreUseless posted:
So how did he file/mange inventory?
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Jun 15, 2017 02:04
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Starman Super DX posted:Holy crap that's sad Probably turned into a bully himself sadly, I left to coach a different district next season
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Jun 15, 2017 02:14
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When I worked retail we fought customer dad jokes with dad jokes, often quoted straight from the boss. "I will happily take your amex sir, however the machine doesnt accept them." The owner of that place was 3rd gen and gave no fucks as long as you did your job and always looked out for his staff. The standard procedure for customers abusing the cashiers was for all the floor staff to grab an axe handle from the display and book it to the registers.
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Jun 15, 2017 02:58
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Fuckface the Hedgehog posted:When I worked retail we fought customer dad jokes with dad jokes, often quoted straight from the boss. I stole a dumb joke from a customer who said that I "should ask for a raise, but they'd probably just get me a taller chair" So now whenever anyone says I deserve a raise, I just mention that they might actually get me a taller chair and it slays. Everyone loves it. Pro tip for any of you phone jockeys out there!
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Jun 15, 2017 03:12
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Antiquated Pants posted:I stole a dumb joke from a customer who said that I "should ask for a raise, but they'd probably just get me a taller chair" This made me smile. At least saying something witty in response makes you feel good enough about yourself that you can ignore whatever silly thing was initially said. Also, the girl watching the front tonight came back to gave me cash and tells me that all of the crazies are up front tonight and not back here, apparently. Someone inquired about "a device that pumps the air out of soda bottles" I don't even. 
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Jun 15, 2017 03:23
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Starman Super DX posted:Someone inquired about "a device that pumps the air out of soda bottles" I don't even. Is that a sex thing? I bet it is a sex thing
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Jun 15, 2017 03:28
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Starman Super DX posted:This made me smile. At least saying something witty in response makes you feel good enough about yourself that you can ignore whatever silly thing was initially said. most of these "customer phrases" are just people trying to make a bit of small talk. its like talking about the weather
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Jun 15, 2017 03:32
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Not necessarily retail but I delivered for Domino's for two years full time while in college and though I have enough stories to make my own thread, like the time two naked crackheads at a Motel 6 fought over payment, or when someone tried to tip me with a cat, or when I delivered to a police standoff, my favorite will always be the irate customer who screamed for 10 minutes in the lobby and ended it by saying "You all need to get a real job and stop flipping pizzas." 
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Jun 15, 2017 03:34
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Rutibex posted:most of these "customer phrases" are just people trying to make a bit of small talk. its like talking about the weather I get that, and I'm not trying to come off as more critical of it than I need to be, it's just that I'd give a little more credit to someone saying something a little more original. I mean come on, what person in my position hasn't heard "Guess it's free!" thing before? I'd even take some well-meaning sarcasm. "If you can't get this one item to scan I'm calling your manager and placing the blame squarely on you. Jk nbd." e: ^^^^ those dominos stories are really something special. Sometimes I think I've seen some poo poo and you guys top me every time.
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Jun 15, 2017 03:38
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I'm sure the customers are plenty annoying, but what about the work environment of retail jobs? 8+ hours under fluorescent lighting, ceiling tiles, looking at an endless stream of product packaging set to a soundtrack of beeps and bloops, loudspeaker announcements and the hum of voices. Hours and hours of lovely products streaming by on the conveyor belt: budlite Lime-a-Ritas, Nutter Butter Cookies, 12 Cupcakes for 4.99, plastic clamshells, plastic wrap, plastic bags, individually wrapped Hard-boiled eggs. Frozen pizza rolls! Zataran's Red Beans and Rice, Instant Box! How can you justify working in such an industry? What is going to happen to your mind when faced with that imagery all day? Your mind and your conscience will turn to poo poo.
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Jun 15, 2017 04:58
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I used to work in the target photo lab and we had this one guy that would come in with a roll of film full of pics of his own rear end in a top hat. The worst part was he would loving stand there and watch for the 20 minutes plus while I developed and printed the film. I would just pretend I didn't notice the contents of the photos in an attempt to deny him the satisfaction he was looking for.
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Jun 15, 2017 05:09
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Certainly drunk enough for this one now. Watched some double milf porn two nights ago. Had a dream that night about two rear end in a top hat customers that I had to deal with for an extended period of time. It wasn't until several hours into the day that I gave the dream some real thought and realized... the customers... ...they were the milfs. Hope you all enjoy that. God drat you. 
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Jun 15, 2017 07:24
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Indians are the worst customers
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Jun 15, 2017 09:03
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EnvyJ posted:Indians are the worst customers feather or dot?
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Jun 15, 2017 10:08
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Dot If you have worked in retail you'll agree
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Jun 15, 2017 10:14
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EnvyJ posted:Dot I still vote for middle-age white woman, usually dragging 2-4 children all named various spellings of Braiden. Goddamnit I don't want to be a horrible customer but USPS lost my loving box, and no one answers the phone at the local PO. It's like they set it up to deal with a line of bitchy customers.
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Jun 15, 2017 15:23
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Just give up now, USPS customer service is the Webster-Merriam definition of "screaming into an uncaring unfeeling void"
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Jun 15, 2017 15:27
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Cowslips Warren posted:I still vote for middle-age white woman, usually dragging 2-4 children all named various spellings of Braiden. What is it with these ridiculous sounding post-millennial names? Like, "Gavin" and "Xandir" and "Braedan". I'm sure I've heard some others too
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Jun 15, 2017 15:31
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Starman Super DX posted:What is it with these ridiculous sounding post-millennial names? Like, "Gavin" and "Xandir" and "Braedan". I'm sure I've heard some others too White_People.txt
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Jun 15, 2017 15:53
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I was asst. manager of a cafe where once a month a huge swarm of deaf people would come in as a social group and they were THE WORST. They would all insist on talking but most of them were totally not able to be understood and they would get super pissy when you'd pass them a piece of paper to write their invariably complex orders on. They were all such annoying assholes and it was clear that was the reason why they had to have a big social meeting, not just because they were deaf. Everyone dreaded working that night
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Jun 15, 2017 16:05
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hold hands at the park posted:I'm sure the customers are plenty annoying, but what about the work environment of retail jobs? 8+ hours under fluorescent lighting, ceiling tiles, looking at an endless stream of product packaging set to a soundtrack of beeps and bloops, loudspeaker announcements and the hum of voices. Hours and hours of lovely products streaming by on the conveyor belt: budlite Lime-a-Ritas, Nutter Butter Cookies, 12 Cupcakes for 4.99, plastic clamshells, plastic wrap, plastic bags, individually wrapped Hard-boiled eggs. Frozen pizza rolls! Zataran's Red Beans and Rice, Instant Box! How can you justify working in such an industry? What is going to happen to your mind when faced with that imagery all day? Your mind and your conscience will turn to poo poo. "frozen pizza rolls will rot your soul!" screams the fat goon into the void, convincing nobody with his Shakespearean protesting-too-much
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Jun 15, 2017 17:00
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Cool customer story: I was walking the aisles and I asked a young lady if she needed assistance. As she spun around and I got an immense sense of "deja vu", and while she was replying it hit me like a ton of bricks that she was a porn star that I used to be quite fond of. I tried to keep it cool, but I am a huge putz so I am sure I radiated "I've jerked off to you an unspeakable amount of times"  When I explained the story to co-workers they said I should've told her that I was a fan but it struck me as a bit too seedy
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Jun 15, 2017 17:45
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Gay Weed Dad posted:Cool customer story: you think the lady taking 5 dicks in her rear end daily is going to be offended by your meek appreciation?
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Jun 15, 2017 17:57
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Rutibex posted:you think the lady taking 5 dicks in her rear end daily is going to be offended by your meek appreciation? Still better than retail imo.
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Jun 15, 2017 18:06
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Rutibex posted:you think the lady taking 5 dicks in her rear end daily is going to be offended by your meek appreciation? This. I wish Charlie Laine would come into my store. 
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Jun 15, 2017 18:07
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Rutibex posted:you think the lady taking 5 dicks in her rear end daily is going to be offended by your meek appreciation? No, I just felt it wasn't really cool to talk about my JO habits at my place of work and I'm sure she probably gets enough of that. I'm also cripplingly shy so it would've been hard to talk "shop" without breaking eye contact with my shoes.
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Jun 15, 2017 18:51
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I think you made the right call, Gay Weed Dad.
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Jun 15, 2017 19:04
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I want christy mack to be a bossy customer to me 😍😍
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Jun 15, 2017 19:11
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Jeff Sichoe posted:when I worked in a supermarket a little kid dropped a terd and none of my staff would pick it up so I hid in the banana storage room until the manager picked it up with a paper towel lol
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Jun 15, 2017 19:12
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remigious posted:I think you made the right call, Gay Weed Dad. 
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Jun 15, 2017 19:30
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Lol I wish he forged ahead with his crippling shyness.
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Jun 15, 2017 20:11
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crotchgobbler posted:I had a customer tell me, on July 4, "Wow, it sucks they are making you work today." I said, "It's because people like you shop today." She didn't seem too empathetic after that. When I was at uni, I worked any lovely job I could to pay the rent, mostly retail and waiting. Every time a major holiday came around I would be working it for those sweet penalty rates and some loving idiot would be all, "You shouldn't be working on Christmas, you should be with your family!" and I'd tell them that they were the reason I wasn't and they'd get so drat butthurt at me. Made working the holidays totally worth it. Hyrax Attack! posted:*Customer pulls past closed signs into gas station after hours as we are cleaning up. "Well aren't you going to unlock the pumps and turn the turbines back on so I can save a nickel on gas?!" I never understood this. I saw it when I worked at a servo in the goddamn 90s and I have a mate who works at one now and he still sees it. Lights are all off outside, it's pitch black under the fuel canopy. Pumps turned off. Price board turned off. Everything inside in a neat pile by the door. Blinds down. Moron pulls up, gets out and tries to fill up with fuel, maybe even comes up the door and starts banging on it because they can't put the clues together and figure out the store is closed. It doesn't take Sherlock loving Holmes.
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Jun 15, 2017 20:33
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Ups_rail posted:So how did he file/mange inventory? We also had a basement no employee was allowed in that was worse. I found, while cleaning, two separate plastic bowls full of pinecones. At one point the first had become lost in the store and our boss bought another.
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Jun 15, 2017 20:37
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A woman invited me to join her book club. Verbatim "We read the Baghavad Gita and the Book of Revelations. But we use paper mail, 'cause they can gently caress with your email." A man came in once a week for months to find books on "Planet X. You know, Nibiru." He was convinced I knew what he was talking about. An extremely burned-out 20-something with mood swings came in every Sunday for several hours just to talk. He once got into a fight with a 60-some-year-old woman who came in to sit down after work, because she was rude to him. A woman got so upset that we were out of tickets to a local play that she broke down sobbing and refused to leave, believing the manager had done it deliberately. We ran a small Facebook page for the store, but as a person, not a page, so our boss - a 65-year-old Brooklynite who looked like a tiny shriveled Mario and had gotten out of the construction game decades earlier because "I could tell Reagan would gently caress it up," and once posed nude for a story about the store in a local paper - could refuse friend requests from customers he disliked.
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Jun 15, 2017 20:47
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Gorilla Salad posted:
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Jun 15, 2017 20:50
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Gorilla Salad posted:When I was at uni, I worked any lovely job I could to pay the rent, mostly retail and waiting. These are definitely things that I've thought about but have never actually said it out loud. To that end, a former coworker once suggested that "after about 10pm we should stop saying 'hello how are you' and start saying 'Do you know what time it is?'" One of the main tenets of being a horrible customer is usually some degree of selfishness. Whether it's making normal people wait behind them in line while they complain or if the policy is dumb because it's not meeting their needs. Most people are nice about it, but we have a two per variety limit policy for the craft packs. It's just a general rule so we can put out the good stuff here and there. Each time we break something up for it that goes over price point, it's a loss that we try to make up for in custom craft pack sales. Despite me explaining this, I've had several people still respond "that's DUMB!" or give me death stares. Or the lady who threw a fit that the thing she wanted cold wasn't cold because our department is small and we only have refrigerated shelf space for what sells the most. Plus it's like... if you were more understanding about it maybe I would have offered to put one aside in the cold box for you for next time but instead I'd rather you just leave.
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Jun 15, 2017 20:52
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nm posted:I'm pretty sure that here (California) with the advent of pay at the pump, the pumps are always on and have been for a decade plus. Maybe they're from California or some other civilized place. I've been driving for 12 years or something and this has always been the case as far as I can remember. The canopy lights may be off but if the lights on the pump are on you can have at it. I've never been to California.
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Jun 15, 2017 20:52
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I worked at a gas station for a couple of months during my early twenties, and although I have some generic stories about lovely customers, most of the memorable ones revolve around a crazy co-worker I had. Jeff was about my age, and had been in a terrible car accident as a teenager where he'd suffered major brain damage. He was a nice enough guy, but something was just sort of... off about him. He was always very intense, and would say and do strange things all the time, yet act as if his words and actions were perfectly reasonable. Jeff would only drink scalding-hot water, heated to a near-boil in the microwave. He drank cup after cup of it for the entire duration of his shift. He was also obsessed with Charlotte Coffey from the Go-Go's (this was about 1999, by the way). He was heartbroken and angry when he saw an episode of "Behind the Music" that intimated she was no longer a virgin. One time we were working together at the store's two cash registers when a teenage girl tried to buy cigarettes from Jeff. He carded her and stared at her ID for a full ten seconds or so, then looked at her, then back at the license, and finally back at her with his typical intensity before saying, "Now I know where you live." The girl looked at him in shock, realized he didn't seem to be kidding, grabbed her ID and left without the cigarettes. Jeff acted like this was all completely normal. The mini-mart was open 24 hours, and there weren't any locks on the doors. Instead, there was a switch underneath the counter that engaged a heavy-duty magnet to keep the doors closed. It worked about the same as a lock, and allowed us to run to the bathroom or back office if we happened to be working alone. One time a teenage boy came in, grabbed a handful of cheap cigars from the front counter and tried to run out the door. Jeff flipped the switch without missing a beat and the kid ran full force into the doors. Then he started crying and swearing up and down that he meant to pay for the cigars. It was pretty hilarious. Jeff flipped the switch and let the kid leave. Honestly, Jeff was one of the most entertaining co-workers I've ever had. The middle-aged man who worked the graveyard shift as a second job because he owed $20,000 to his bookie for horse-racing debts was also pretty great, but we only saw each other in passing, so I can't really remember any specific stories from him.
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Jun 15, 2017 20:54
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Glenn Quebec posted:Lol I wish he forged ahead with his crippling shyness. *fumbling nervously around with stock while trying to get the right words out* "Your... mother was... extra generous when she made you"
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Jun 15, 2017 20:56
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