PleasingFungus posted:

Me [39F] with my Husband [39M], he's meeting an old "girlfriend"


polyamory is FTW

new phone who dis posted:

What you do here is wait until 10 minutes before he leaves and then tell him you know for maximum dramatic effect.

La Brea Carpet posted:

One of my guilty pleasures, since I was 12, is reading advice columns. Thought this would fit in here

Blue Train posted:

His use of had and have contractions is enough to sever. I wonder what his hobby is, maybe it is that larper

Slugworth posted:

I've a suspicion he's just British, friend.

quote:

Duration of relationship: 5.5 years dating, 3 years married

Last night after I got home from work and was relaxing on the couch, my husband walked over to me with some broccoli in his hand. It was turning yellow and clearly not good anymore.

"I thought this was for dinner tomorrow," he said.

"I guess it went bad, I'll get some more before dinner tomorrow," I said.

He sat down on the couch next to me and said something like, "Can you explain this? Can you explain what happened?"

I looked at him confused. He continued, "When did you buy this? Saturday? Sunday?"

I said, "Yeah, I think Sunday? What is going on? What is your point?"

He said, "You bought this Sunday for dinner Thursday. This clearly didn't work. Are you having trouble planning ahead? How can we solve this?"

I just stared at him for a while as he repeated himself and finally he dropped it.

We've never really had an interaction like this before. It just seemed so condescending and nasty, like he was my boss and I was at work and had done something wrong. It was such a stupid petty argument, but it's the next morning and I'm still upset.

Am I overreacting? Is he? Should I just try to forget this happened or should I talk to him about it? What should I say?

tl;dr: I bought broccoli on Sunday to cook on Thursday and it went bad. My husband sat me down to have a very serious discussion about how I could possibly let this happen. I am not sure why he did that.

Edit: I appreciate all the support over what I thought was a really minor, petty issue. But how should I talk to him about it? Honestly I feel kind of hurt and angry toward him right now, so how do I have a productive conversation with him about what's really going on and not just attack him for being a jerk to me?

new phone who dis posted:

We did the broccoli one already.

quote:

This is gonna be kinda long. Sorry.

My mother lit her kitchen on fire. She was trying to cook lunch and she heated up "water" for raviolis and threw in the frozen kind. Problem is she heated up oil not water and water and hot oil don't mix well. She caught the whole kitchen on fire. She tried putting it out with more water. I was on my way over when I pull in to a fire truck and paramedics. I only came over because I called her and asked how my sister's braces appointment. She was slurring so I asked to speak to my sister, she went to put her on the phone only to panic she couldn't find her. I immediately drove over to figure out what happened Turns out my sister went to school, didn't have an appointment and my mom took her sleeping medicine that morning because she was confused as to what time it was.

Things like this are a common occurrence with my mom. She lost her license for driving without inspection, she fell into a coma for taking medicine a friend gave her for back problems, she takes sleeping pills to sleep then caffiene pills to wake her up after getting tired (did I mention she has high blood pressure and takes 4 caffiene pills a day?), she forgets concerts and appointments and honestly everything. She is irresponsible and I am at my wits end with her. She is constantly broke because she only makes 1800 dollars a month from her workers compensation. She borrows money from me all the time and bums rides constantly. She has always been like this. It's only getting worst now because her long term boyfriend and her broke up and he made good money and was responsible but now I don't know what she will do.

I don't feel like my sister is getting the care and attention she deserves. Her father passed away when she was 2 so me and my brother are all she really has. She is incredibly shy. I took her to dinner with my other sister and my stepmother and she wouldn't even look up from her book the entire time. She always seems sad but won't talk to me about anything. She always misses out on great opportunities too. My sister got accepted to do a special program for a big state College in our area that would help her out greatly but my mom couldn't afford to send her to the program and didn't tell me till it was too late so she missed out. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I just want better for her but I don't know what to do.

My mother isn't horrible so I don't think she should be taken away from her or anything like that but she definitely deserves better than how she has it. My mother's bad decisions have impacted both me and my brother and made it harder for us to get ahead in life. She begged my brother to take out student loans and then asked for the money and now he is defaulted on his loans without even a degree to show for it. I am constantly broke from lending her money and I had to use my credit card to buy them food several times now it's maxed out. My sister is a good kid and has tons of potential to do good stuff. She reads constantly and is very proper and polite. She has a learning disability but still manages to maintain straight As. She works hard and has overcome so much to be where she is. I just worry the stress of my mother and the opportunities she misses will impact her greatly. Not to mention my sister has a lot of money in the bank from when my stepfather died (they weren't technically married, he died two weeks before their wedding so my sister got everything) somewhere around a half million and I am worried my mother will take it for stupid things. She already uses some of it for bedsets and rent when she is too "broke".

Anyway I just don't know what I should do to help.

I would also like to apologize if this is all over the place I am just stressed out.

TL;DR: mom is irresponsible and I think she is ruining my sister's ability to excel in life. Not sure what to do.

maskenfreiheit posted:

How do I tell him I want sex? (self.dating_advice)

Haifisch posted:

Me 25F with my husband 30M: I wasted some broccoli

Ma'am, this is the broccoli police. We need your testimony about this crime against vegetables.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Lol. This one is halfway to the masturbating in a tent story from the woman's POV. Pretty sure all you gotta do is say "Hey, so you do you want to visit my bedroom? " and human nature will take its course, girl. Guys are dense oblivious idiots, but they catch on instantly if you're direct and obvious about it.

I can't imagine how any adult of either gender could possibly go 8 or 9 dates without touching some boobies and dicks/vaginas though, at the bare minimum, unless they're devoted Mormons or something equally strange. Seems painfully bad even from that oblivious rear end dude's perspective, but I guess these weird posts show up all the dang time. Who knows.

ArbitraryC posted:

Other cultures is a semi-obvious explanation but i feel like it would have been mentioned if that were the issue.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Maybe it's possible that girl and her boyfriend live in a non-Westernized culture, but yeah, I kind of doubt that considering her command of the English language and how concise her post is.

Haifisch posted:

Here's my penance for not remembering every story posted in this 1000+page thread:

My (23F) mother (49F) is incredibly irresponsible and I am worried about my little sister (15F)

Maybe it's time to put mom in a home.

quote:

Montana or Idaho for the sake of including a state. Not sure where this will end up happening if it does though.

For those don't know a Viking funeral is when you put a dead body on a small boat and then light the boat on fire. Usually with a fire arrow.

I know it probably differs state to state but I was wondering what the legality of all of it was.

If I had some land with a lake on it could I do a Viking funeral? Also, what're the laws regarding cremating someone on their land?

quote:

It generally isn't legal to dispose of a dead body in that manner. There's possibility of pollution to the environment, fire hazards etc... DIY cremations don't tend to get hot enough to actually... cremate. There is generally, however, not a law that says you cannot dispose of cremains on your own property. An alternative might be to have the body cremated, then do a ceremonial viking funeral... the deceased would just be, um... precrisp at that point, I suppose.

quote:

Do you own the entire lake? Or are there other people with property adjacent to the water.

Not in the US, but my dad once witnessed a Viking funeral for a sailboat (so no dead body complications) and they still got in trouble with the coast guard, because of the risk of setting fire to somebody else's dock or boat.

quote:

Nah this is mostly just hypothetical. My wife's family loves Viking culture and always joke about having a Viking funeral when they die. I was just curious what the legality of it is

quote:

Hypothetically your wife's family isn't into asatru or specifically white supremacy are they?

quote:

They are not. We are all mormons

quote:

My brother, B, has always been the more protective one with our sister, L. I've been more of the "fun one" I guess? Ultimately, B has spent more time with her though since I left for college when I was 18 and they are really close.

Recently though I guess she has felt like B isn't very understanding of her so she has started to talk to me a lot more. She is 11 about to turn 12 and she and her friends are all about social media and some of them have boyfriends and crushes. I think it's pretty normal, to be honest. B, however, is extremely against revealing too much on social media (meaning pictures that include location, face/body shots, etc) and hates that some of her friends already have boyfriends and have kissed, etc.

Anyway, apparently L just started following that cash me outside girl on Instagram and my brother saw that and started berating her about it like, why would you follow her, what do you think is so cool about her, is that how you want to be, don't idolize idiots, etc, etc. I don't disagree with all that but I also don't think she necessarily wants to be just like her or act like her. But that was strike 1.

Strike 2 was that she had a crush on this guy at school, who is an 8th grader (2 years ahead of her, for non-US folks.) Apparently this is a big deal for her and her group of friends and they were talking about it very loudly at a sleepover and my brother was home that weekend and heard everything. This provoked lecture #2 about how she's too young to date, don't even think about it, etc, etc.

My sister, who normally listens to B like a god and follows him like a puppy, kept following the Cash girl, posted a bunch of photos of herself and her friends including their locations for each photo, and then added the 8th grader on Instagram. Full on rebellion, I guess.

She then called me multiple times to complain and vent and cry about him.

Now my brother is irritated by all this, and also jealous that she is talking to me about everything, and I'm weirdly in the middle. I told him to just cool down and let her do what she wants since none of it is really that bad, and he said that he feels protective of her, but knows pushing further will make her pull away more... but he also doesn't know how to let go because he still sees her a child.

As the oldest sibling here, what can I do to help? My brother is being kind of mopey about it but I do understand why he feels a bit helpless. I don't see either of them that often since I live about 2 hours away, but I do go home once every 1~2 months. Should I just let them work it out? Keep advising my brother to chill out? I also really hope my sister doesn't think this is license to keep pushing back or act out on purpose. What should I do?

tl;dr: My brother and sister have always been very close but recently she's acting more like a teenager than a kid. She kind of fought back against him and now my brother feels helpless and is moping about their relationship. Should I tell him to relax and let it go? Or try to intervene in some way? Let them work it out?

Danaru posted:

Is a Viking funeral legal if it's on one's own property?

quote:

Me [29F] with my fiance[28M] whom I've been dating 6.5years. We have a daughter[3.5f]. I just found out that my SO's father [56M] has been trying to bribe him to dump me. And these aren't little bribes either. I'm devastated. I'm heartbroken. And I have no idea how to handle this.Relationships
submitted an hour ago * by thatonechick33
A little backstory that may be necessary to explain the situation a bit better..
SO & Family are self made millionaires. Future FIL started a very sucessfull company. My SO did not want to take it over, much to the dismay of his father. So his father has never, ever helped us out financially for that very reason. And its not like we haven't needed it at times. I am disabled with MS and my SO has constantly worked his way up the corporate ladder of a distribution company.
So here is what happened.
It originally slipped up in a fight with my SO and I. I thought that he was just saying things to make me mad, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it seemed like something my future FIL would do... so I dug deeper.
It turns out that my future FIL has offered my fiance a brand new, fully furnished apartment in a really classy part of town, as well as offering to pay our daughters tuition IN FULL (one year tuition there is $10k/yr for a 4yr old!) So future FIL offered all of this to my fiance in exchange for one thing: he dump me.
I'm hurt. When my SO admited it, I told him I was hurt and he said to me "What, do you not want your daughter to have the best schooling in the state?" And I said "What does your millionaire father somehow NOT have the money to pay it unless we are broken up?!?!" I was so angry. Future FIL is a freakin millionaire, he can pay that anytime he wants, he makes so much it doesnt even put a dent in his financial holdings.
So I'm upset. My SO, who I love so much, wants our daughter to get this. I want her to get it so she can get a good education.
So I just don't know what to do .
Right now I have a list made up of all of my belongings and I know what all is mine in this apartment in case I want to GTFO. And honestly, I am thinking of GTF out of here. I love my fiance so drat much, but, well, last night he said some very hurtful things and I don't know if there is any coming back from that.
He said that I was annoying, I said "well this is the first I am hearing of it! What makes me annoying?" He said its because I don't keep the house tidy.
Now here is where my feelings really start to get hurt. As I have said, I have MS. It is hard to keep a tidy house when I have flair ups so often and complications form the disease. I'm deeply hurt that he called it annoying over that because some days I can barely move my body and am bedridden those days.
I thought I"d be spending the rest of my life with this man, and If I am being honest with you guys, I still want to. I love him. More than I can even put into words. I wanted to marry him and start a life with him. But now it seems that is all going out the window. He said some hurtful things last night. Things that, even if he later "said" he didnt mean, in the back of my head, I will always be wondering "did he really mean what all he said that horrible night?
There is too much to get into, but it was so much stuff that he laid on thick, and the thing most hurtful is it is things I cannot help!! Things having to do with my kidney disease and my MS.
So, r/relationships, I have never come to you for advice but I feel I have nowhere else to turn. What do I do? Do I go ahead and move out like he wants? Last night he made it sound like he didnt love me anymore. He was totally sober and all I can say for sure is I am certain his father had an impact on the things he said to me.
Keep in mind we DO have a child together but last night he said that if I left, I'd be doing our child a favor because, and I am quoting him here, "If she grows up with him, at least she wont have to deal with a crippled mom". And I know its hosed up, but in the smallest way, I do agree with him on that. Oh man what a mess i have found myself into.
Thank you guys reddit. I appreciate anything yall have to say to me.
tl;dr: Fiancee's father is offering to pay my childs $10k/yr tuition at a prominent private school lf if SO dumps me. After a year of rejecting the idea, it seems my SO is starting to come around to the thought of it. Not sure if I should accept this or not. I love my SO but my daughter would be so lucky to go to this school. Should I let my future FIL bribe my fiances, even if it means I will be losing the love of my life, just so that my daughter can go to a good school? What should I do?

quote:

Backstory: A few weeks ago at 2am on a Friday morning I was I was awoken by the loudest lightning strike I have ever heard and immediately lost electricity. It shook the entire house and scared the poo poo out of me and my dogs. I got up to make sure the house was not on fire and looked out into the front and back yard to see if there was any fallen tress or anything. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary so I just went back to sleep. Around 530am I can hear big electric company trucks parked out on the street and see workers walking up and down the street with flashlights. I go back to sleep for a few hours until I have to get up for work and discover that the power still has not come back on. After work still no power so I decide to take my dogs over to a friends house to hang out instead of sitting around in the dark and I end up staying the night. On Saturday morning I come home and still no power so I spend the entire day out and that evening when I still didn't have electricity I stayed over at my friends house again. This time I didn't come back home until Sunday evening. By then the electricity was back on but I could tell that the problem must have been with the pole that is in my back yard because workers had obviously been back there. On one side of my house the very heavy wooden gate was left open and on the other side there is a small section where I just have some wire fencing held up by stakes and it was completely taken down and was leaning against the house. I put the fence back up, throw away a bunch of food that I am not sure still ok to eat and life goes on.

Today: This afternoon Pat, one of my neighbors, stops to talk to me while I am outside. She just wants to give me the heads up that she will be by soon with a bill of what I owe everyone for all the food that had to be thrown away. She claims that the electric company has stated that the reason it took so long to fix the problem is because I wouldn't answer my phone or door to give the workers permission to enter my backyard and take care of the problem. Pat says the she personally had to throw away over $1000 worth of meat and that she will be going around to all the other neighbors to see what they had to throw away and then she will be presenting me with a bill of how much I owe each person. I didn't really know what to say so I kind of just walked away without saying much.

I never got any phone call from the electric company and they never knocked on my door while I was home. My plan is to tell Pat to gently caress off but I just want to check to make sure I'm not obligated to pay for the neighborhoods spoiled food. I've had problems with Pat in the past (not legal ones) but I do know that she has sued 2 other neighbors for petty grievances and lost both times. I can tell her to gently caress off right?

Edit: Wow this got big. Thank you to everyone for your replies. It seems the consensus is that Pat can gently caress off which is good to know. I will of course respond if she actually tries to sue me. For now my plan is to completely ignore Pat. Also, I think I might bring up the situation one of my neighbors that I am the most friendly with and see what he says because I would prefer not to become the neighborhood outcast.

maskenfreiheit posted:

Ohio - Neighbor says I must pay for all lost food during 48+ hour power loss for the entire neighborhood because it was my fault (self.legaladvice)

Barudak posted:

Does pat subsist entirely on caviar and lobster tails because 1000 dollars is a lot of food to have in your frodge as an everyday occurence.

I bet Pats just upset her caligular themed orgy had to get canceled and is lashing out because she never even got to use the vomitorium.

Blue Train posted:

Yea I didn't realize he went back that p shameful, and yes it would be fine if the woman did it if she didn't let the guy find out. Once the other person finds out you hosed up

MinionOfCthulhu posted:

MinionOfCthulhu posted:

Danaru posted:

Brother (21m) is overprotective of sister (11f), now she's confiding in me (25m) more and brother is jealous


On the one hand I can see why "don't post too much personal information on the internet" is a good message to send, but the dude's reaction to an 11 year old having a crush

Bamabalacha posted:

Like the entire situation is exceptionally lovely on all sides and the dude's family are being super douchey, but I can't imagine taking care of a spouse with MS and toddler at the same time, Jesus.

Doc Hawkins posted:

Yeah, but he could definitely do it with the support of his rich fami...oh.

quote:

My boyfriend just closed on a condo he took a mortgage out on. I will be paying him rent. We keep fighting incessantly. I feel like i'm walking on ice with him all the time. Yesterday we loosely planned to meet after work to go grocery shopping b/c we have nothing in the condo. He told me he was going to hang out with work friends instead-no biggie. I was home alone for a few hours and did some light unpacking and cleaning.

When he got home I was really excited to see him but he kept telling me to give him space and that I was acting clingy. He invited me to shower with him but kept putting me down and insulting me "playfully" so I got out early to give him space because it hurt my feelings.

We were drinking beers and watched a show together. He kept raising his voice over how little i'd unpacked and little things like leaving a light in the kitchen on and leaving a food container I was eating out of on the table (we don't have a garbage yet).

This escalated quickly to him yelling at me, me defending myself verbally and trying not to yell, and him making a fist and hitting me in the face, albeit pulling away (as he repeatedly defended himself saying) at the last minute so while he was scaring me the hit didn't hurt much.

I pretty much lost it. I come from an abusive upbringing and I have lost respect for him and for myself. He only apologized when he realized I was really upset but he kept telling me "let's just move on" and "I already said i'm sorry ok".

I'm calling in to work today because my eyes are so puffy I look obnoxious and obviously like i've been crying. Last night the neighbor came by to see if we(I) was ok because we got so loud and i'm mortified and embarrassed because we just moved in and met that way. She invited me to stay over.

This isn't the first time he's hit me. Last time he pushed me into a fence because he was angry in a heated verbal argument I can't even remember what over. Before that he kicked me in the ankle angrily in a restaurant because I told him he was being rude to staff and walked away suddenly to go to the bathroom. He kept saying he was kicking me because I was walking away and to get my attention.

I honestly have never hit him out of anger. I have hit him after he hit me, increasingly out of frustration and it makes me feel like garbage. I don't like myself or him at this point and I feel trapped. I can't afford to move out anytime soon and my sibling was planning to live with us next fall to save money for school. I've asked him to go to therapy with me and he refused initially so indignant that it caused another fight. Eventually he agreed but nothing moved forward. I guess my real issue is how normal is physical fighting in relationships? I grew up being hit and locked out and stuff so I have a victim mentality to get over and I don't always know what is normal.

tl;dr: BF hit me, it isn't the first time. I don't know how to react after besides hitting him back and feeling really down. We need help but he is against therapy.

Gorilla Salad posted:

Sever. Murder. Run like hell.

Pick one.

Gorilla Salad posted:

Sever. Murder. Run like hell.

Pick one.

OctaMurk posted:

Why not all three, in order?

Bamabalacha posted:

Also if they haven't gotten married after having a kid and a degenerative illness diagnoses, that poo poo ain't ever gonna happen, so I'm hypothesizing he's been checked out for a bit.