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End of 2022-23 Season Update NHL Awards Stanley Cup Champions Los Angeles Kings Presidents Trophy (Best Regular Season Record) Los Angeles Kings Art Ross Trophy (Most Points) John Tavares -- New York Islanders Hart Memorial Trophy (League MVP) John Tavares -- New York Islanders James Norris Memorial Trophy (Best Defenseman) Floaty McPylon -- Los Angeles Kings Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (Best Sportsmanship & Gentlemanly Conduct) Vladimir Tarasenko -- St. Louis Blues Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year) B. Kemp -- Vancouver Canucks Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP) Floaty McPylon -- Los Angeles Kings Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender) Veini Vehviainen -- Ottawa Senators William M. Jennings Trophy (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against) Carter Hart -- Philadelphia Flyers Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey) M. Rubinchik -- Tampa Bay Lightning Frank J. Selke Trophy (Best Defensive Forward) Quayden Aydin -- Boston Bruins Ted Lindsay Award (League MVP as voted by NHLPA) John Tavares -- New York Islanders Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy (Most Goals) Touchdown Thomas -- New York Islanders  AHL Awards Calder Cup (AHL's Stanley Cup) Albany Devils Macgregor Kilpatrick Trophy (AHL's President's Trophy) Lehigh Valley Phantoms John B. Sollenberger Trophy (Most Regular Season Points) K. Klima -- Cleveland Monsters Les Cunningham Award (League MVP) K. Klima -- Cleveland Monsters Willie Marshall Award (Most Regular Season Goals) B. Turakov -- Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins Dudley "Red" Garrett Memorial Award (Rookie of the Year) B. Turakov -- Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins Eddie Shore Award (Best Defenseman) C. Stutzel -- Stockton Heat Aldege "Baz" Bastien Memorial Award (Best Goaltender) T. Parsons -- Milwaukee Admirals Jack A. Butterfield Trophy (Playoff MVP) M. Blackwood -- Albany Devils Fred T. Hunt Memorial Award (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey) V. Valentenko -- Cleveland Monsters Yanick Dupre Memorial Award (Community Involvement) J. van de Leest -- Rochester Americans Harry "Hap" Holmes Memorial Award (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against) M. Neuvirth -- Lehigh Valley Phantoms Upcoming Free Agents BUF - Stanley Matthews III (UFA) CHI - Jeremiah ThinkTank (UFA) COL - Soup Athanatos (UFA) DAL - Anders Potetson (UFA) EDM - Bavel Bortnik (UFA) FLA -- Bernie Sanders (UFA) LA -- Floaty McPylon (UFA) MIN -- Taro Tsujimoto (UFA) MTL - Cruz McBroozer (UFA) NSH -- Guy Fieri (UFA) NJ -- Danny Provolone (UFA) NYI -- Nippon Ichi (UFA) NYI -- Touchdown Thomas (UFA) PHI -- Stabby McStabson (UFA) TOR - Aldrig Glomma (UFA) VAN -- Jack Bauer (UFA) VAN - Southie Paux (UFA) WPG - Mulkku Paskiainen (UFA) Comments McPylon wins the Stanley Cup, Norris, and Conn Smythe all in his first full season! Thomas' teammates keep winning the Art Ross and Hart trophies http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2017 for complete stats
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Jun 20, 2017 21:49
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Does time in the box count as on-ice time? Genuinely don't know.
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Jun 20, 2017 22:17
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Miracle Johnson cut down on being an rear end in a top hat and won the Calder Cup. Proud of my baby boy. Can't wait till Ogie passes me on the depth chart because gently caress you it's gonna happen.
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Jun 20, 2017 22:22
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Team praised me for regular season, say Pylon play well. I play Belarussian way, get many points, don't bother with defense. Team best team in league. But I no plan on doing well in playoffs, as I not paid in playoffs. But agent convince me, say contract up and big performance get me big money. Pylon listen to agent, play well in playoffs, play Belarussian way. It worked. Team won. Floaty McPylon singlehandedly bring back Cup to Tinseltown! Ура! Зараз усе амерыканскія свінні пакланяйцеся мне! І я буду атрымліваць дзярмо кучу грошай! Days later, during the NHL Awards: "And the winner of the James Norris Memorial Trophy is...Floaty McPylon of the Los Angeles Kings!" McPylon, excited, runs up to the stage, his translator alongside him. He grabs the Norris trophy and walks up to the microphone. McPylon: Дзякуй ідыётаў за гэтую вялікую ўзнагароду! Я ніколі не гуляў абароны ў маім жыцці, але вы ўзнагародзіць мне ўзнагароду за добра гуляць у абароне! Вы усё па-чартоўску па-дурному! Я лепшы! Хахаха! Суперзорка Floaty McPylon па-за! ("Thank you idiots for this great award! I have never played defense in my life, yet you award me an award for playing well defensively! You're all loving stupid! I'm the best! Hahaha! Superstar Floaty McPylon out!") Translator: grimaces at McPylon's speech, sighs, then goes up to the microphone "Thank you all for this tremendous award, I am happy to be the first Belarussian player ever to win this award. I hope I can continue to play well for my team. Truly grateful, Floaty McPylon." Audience looks confused yet claps anyways. The next day: "The NHL has fined Floaty McPylon $25,000 dollars for his acceptance speech during the NHL Awards."
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Jun 20, 2017 22:40
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C. Everett Koop posted:Does time in the box count as on-ice time? Genuinely don't know. IRL - no In this game - I know it doesn't in EASHL, no clue about BeAGM
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Jun 20, 2017 22:49
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Swept by the Sabres... oooooooof.
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Jun 21, 2017 00:22
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Hockles posted:IRL - no Just curious if a quarter of Bubba's on-ice time was spent in the box or not. Good to see my boy putting in work, hopefully we can get that up to >3.00 PIM next season.
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Jun 21, 2017 00:23
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Ouch, first round exit for the avs. Zero points in 6 playoff games for me and a -5. Glad I'm the highest paid player in the sim
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Jun 21, 2017 00:54
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Ewic Windros has come to NY to wead the Wangers just like his dad and gwand pappy
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Jun 21, 2017 16:34
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aunt jemima posted:Ouch, first round exit for the avs. Zero points in 6 playoff games for me and a -5. Glad I'm the highest paid player in the sim You are sucking up all our team money and not scoring any points?! I should join Hockles
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Jun 21, 2017 18:08
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Oh Hugh, why'd you sign with these Philly fucks. They're only going to keep letting you down 
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Jun 21, 2017 19:12
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god damnit, I know I already won a cup, but the Islanders are so bad.
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Jun 22, 2017 01:58
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2023 Offseason News Notable Retirements Evegni Malkin Corey Perry Anze Kopitar Jonathan Toews Phil Kessel Claude Giroux Eric Staal Marc Staal James Neal Kris Letang Jack Johnson Matt Niskanen Niklas Hjalmarsson Full Lists: http://imgur.com/C8VG17e -- http://imgur.com/kXb5NV3 -- http://imgur.com/yKUxzCL -- http://imgur.com/ekmsUgk Transaction News CHI - re-signed Jeremiah ThinkTank to a $1.6mil/2yr 2-way contract COL - re-signed Soup Athanatos to a $30mil/3yr contract DAL - re-signed Anders Potetson to a $3.7mil/2yr contract FLA - re-signed Bernie Sanders to a $6.2mil/2yr contract LA - re-signed Floaty McPylon to a $12mil/3yr contract MIN - re-signed Taro Tsujimoto to a $0.755mil/1yr 2-way contract MTL - re-signed Cruz McBroozer to a $9.6mil/2yr contract NSH - re-signed Guy Fieri to a $15.3mil/3yr contract NJ - re-signed Danny Provolone to a $2.8mil/2yr contract NYI - re-signed Nippon Ichi to a $1.5mil/1yr contract NYI - re-signed Touchdown Thomas to a $38mil/4yr contract PHI - re-signed Stabby McStabson to a $1.9mil/2yr 2-way contract TOR - re-signed Aldrig Glomma to a $0.975mil/1yr contract VAN - re-signed Jack Bauer to a $0.955mil/1yr contract VAN - re-signed Southie Paux to a $6.4mil/2yr contract WPG - re-signed Mulkku Paskiainen to a $10.2mil/2yr contract SJ -- signed UFA Bavel Bortnik to a $36mil/4yr contract MTL - signed UFA Stanley Matthews III to a $11.7mil/3yr contract ANA signed Kyle Turris EDM signed Tyson Barrie NYR signed Andrei Vasilevskiy OTT signed Leon Draisaitl OTT signed Braden Schenn PIT signed TJ Oshie 2023-24 Opening Night Info BOS -- Quayden Aydin is a 1st Line FWD BOS -- Jus Poost is a 1st Line FWD CAR -- Gord Gordon is a 3rd SCR Line FWD CHI -- assigned Jeremiah ThinkTank to Rockford in the AHL, his role is Other FWD COL -- Soup Athanatos is 1st Line FWD COL -- Aunt Jemima is a 2nd Line FWD CBJ -- Coach Hockles is a 2nd Line FWD DAL -- Anders Potetson is a 4th Line FWD DAL -- Potatoes O'Bourke is a Top 6 DEF FLA -- Bernie Sanders is a 3rd SCR Line FWD LA -- Floaty McPylon is a Top 4 DEF MIN -- assigned Taro Tsujimoto to Iowa in the AHL, his role is Other FWD MIN -- Aejix Dundee is an Elite Goalie MTL -- assigned Scott Johns to St. John's in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD MTL -- Stanley Matthews III is a 3rd SCR Line FWD MTL -- Cruz McBroozer is a 2nd Line FWD NSH -- Guy Fieri is a 2nd Line FWD NJ -- assigned Ogie Ogilthorpe III to Albany in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD NJ -- assigned Miracle Johnson to Albany in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD NJ -- Danny Provolone is a Top 6 DEF NYI -- Nippon Ichi is a 4th Line FWD NYI -- Touchdown Thomas is a 1st Line FWD NYR -- Ewic Windros is a 2nd Line FWD PHI -- assigned Stabby McStabson to Lehigh Valley in the AHL, his role is Depth FWD PHI -- Bubba Biscuits is a 4th Line FWD PHI -- Hugh Jass is a Top 4 DEF SJ -- Bavel Bortnik is a Top 2 DEF TB -- Yokozuna is an Elite Goalie TOR -- assigned Aldrig Glomma to Toronto in the AHL, his role is 4th Line FWD TOR -- Gord Murphy is a Top 2 DEF VAN -- Jack Bauer is a 3rd CHK Line FWD VAN -- Southie Paux is a 3rd SCR Line FWD VAN -- Kaido Hoovelson is a Top 6 DEF WSH -- Puck Sonette is a 3rd CHK Line FWD WPG -- Mulkku Paskiainen is a Starting Goalie Comments EDM couldn't afford both McDavid and Bortnik, so they let Bortnik go MTL adds Matthews to an already deep RW list Big list of names retiring in this offseason
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Jun 22, 2017 21:13
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I say to agent to make me richest man in NHL. Agent only make me 12 million American dollars for 3 years. Agent fired. Floaty McPylon will now represent himself! No agent needed!
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Jun 22, 2017 21:41
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my kingdom for a one way contract
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Jun 22, 2017 21:43
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what the hell do people see in bavel bortnik to be paying him 9m per. good lord
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Jun 22, 2017 21:44
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Im such a crappy scrub Miro satan my rear end lol
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Jun 22, 2017 21:59
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Puck is panning out exactly how I expect him to.
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Jun 22, 2017 22:18
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HOW THE gently caress AM I STILL IN THE loving MINORS
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Jun 23, 2017 00:00
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Well gently caress, there goes my shot at punching Creepy Rory. Oh well, still a chance at Kane at least.
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Jun 23, 2017 06:03
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Clearly Nippon needs a new agent because he can do so much better than the Islanders 4th line. 
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Jun 23, 2017 08:08
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CRUZIN' MY WAY UP TO THE SECOND LINE BABY WOOOOOOO Boy this team must be bad!
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Jun 23, 2017 13:25
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stab posted:Im such a crappy scrub 
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Jun 23, 2017 14:29
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Wowzer, a 2 year contract. Still on the fourth line though.
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Jun 23, 2017 17:33
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Please, Gord, you stubborn rear end in a top hat. Get out of Toronto!
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Jun 23, 2017 22:09
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2024 All-Star Break Update  All-Stars Pacific - Floaty McPylon (2nd selection) Pacific - Bavel Bortnik (1st selection) Central - Guy Fieri (1st selection) Central - Aejix Dundee (2nd selection) Atlantic - Quayden Aydin (2nd selection) Atlantic - Jus Poost (4th selection) Atlantic - Gord Murphy (4th selection) Atlantic - Yokozuna (1st selection) Metropolitan - Touchdown Thomas (4th selection) Metropolitan - Coach Hockles (1st selection) Atlantic (AHL) - Stabby McStabson (1st selection) *will not play due to being in NHL North (AHL) - Miracle Johnson (2nd selection) Transaction News 11/23/23 - MIN called up Taro Tsujimoto from IA 1/13/24 - PHI called up Stabby McStabson from LV Notable Stats Thomas leads the NHL in points, Aydin is 2nd, Thomas leads the NHL in goals, Poost is 3rd, Fieri is 5th Thomas leads the NHL in +/- Top 4 PIM - Windros, O'Bourke, Biscuits, Jemima Murphy leads all players in TOI Johnson is 3rd in the AHL in points, McStabson is 5th McStabson is 3rd in the AHL in goals Glomma leads the AHL in PIM, Johns is 5th Glomma is 3rd in hits Comments Even more goon all-stars this year Aydin is quietly becoming one of the top players Tsujimoto made it to the NHL! http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2017 for complete stats
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Jun 24, 2017 05:40
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Bernie Sanders is quietly carving out a slightly above average career
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Jun 24, 2017 05:58
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from ahl superstar to fourth line plug 
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Jun 24, 2017 06:27
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"Hmm this kid's been in the AHL for five seasons and is playing quite well, think he's earned a callup?" "Who?"
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Jun 24, 2017 06:37
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95 hits  Checking line forward indeed. Puck has a lot of pent up frustration. Comes with being on the Caps for so long I guess.
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Jun 24, 2017 06:44
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You did this to us AJ. Your gross contract ran off Hockles and that was the end of the big 3. We got no All-Star, we aint even going to make the playoffs. Are you happy with yourself in that big rear end money fort?
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Jun 24, 2017 08:57
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Bubba! What are you doing scoring goals and not getting penalties??? Didn't I raise you better than that? You better take some real cheap shots and fight a motherfucker or two here to get back on the right path.
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Jun 24, 2017 18:27
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Call me up Babs 
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Jun 24, 2017 18:42
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Bortnik has one more hit than Nippon.  But at least he is finally dragging the Isles 4th line to the + side of things.
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Jun 24, 2017 20:21
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Potatoes has two points in 50 games. He somehow manages to be worse at the game than myself.
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Jun 24, 2017 22:00
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Will Philadelphia stay in a playoff spot this time? Somehow, I doubt it
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Jun 24, 2017 22:29
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Agent Jack Bauer is going to grind and grit his way through an NHL career then save the President of Canada from Nova Scotian separatists!
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Jun 24, 2017 23:11
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end my life
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Jun 25, 2017 06:26
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come on Touchdown Tom, lead the Islanders to glory once morey
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Jun 25, 2017 12:26
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Bradf0rd posted:Potatoes has two points in 50 games. He somehow manages to be worse at the game than myself. I guess Potatoes and Potetson spend to much time drinking potato based liquor.
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Jun 25, 2017 14:05
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