- blarzgh
- Apr 14, 2009
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SNITCHIN' RANDY
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Grimey Drawer
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Good Lord that was ar jurney.
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Jun 21, 2017 03:10
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 30, 2024 07:57
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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My g/f (33) of 7 months wants to quit her job because I (M/31) won a significant amount of money in the lottery.
quote:tl;dr Won the lottery. Girlfriend wants to quit her job now and buy a place together. We were very rocky before, but cutting now also seems shallow.
My g/f and I have had a a pretty tumultuous relationship, which has seen us broken up twice already. I've been the initiator of the split both times, always because of her extreme, unrelenting clinginess and lack of trust. We don't live with each other obviously.
Why we're still together is a bit of a mystery to me. I love her, for sure, and we can get along well together, but we also have very different ideas of what constitutes an acceptable amount of personal space and privacy. When I try to tell her that she is smothering me she basically shrugs and says she isn't changing.
The past two months we've had a slight shelter from our usual storms and it hasn't been as bad. She's still very clingy and constantly accuses me of chatting and meeting other girls (I haven't), keeps close tabs on what I am doing or who I am hanging out with, etc etc, but I keep at it because I believe I'd be alone for a long time without her and am, frankly, afraid of that. It doesn't help that she's also told me much the same.. that I would be alone without her.
Cut to a few weeks ago, I won a lot of money in the lottery, paid in lump sum. It's all very new to me and very, very surreal and I haven't really done much with it all yet but talk to some financial advisors to figure it all out, but it's readily acknowledged I am in a position to retire. The only two things I have done so far is take a month off from work to sort through things and get very drunk on expensive scotch with my sister.
I have a lot of friends right now.
I know who my friends are and plan on doing nice things for them all, however, my g/f is now asking me if she can quit her job. When I asked her why she would, she said because I have money...that if she had won that much money she'd have given me x amount of money without a thought because that's what people do for those they love.
Anyways, it didn't take long for her to start accusing me of wanting to ditch her now that I'm rich and how she was so stupid not have seen it before, all because I don't want to give her a shitload of money.
I am in an awkward position now. What am I to do? I am not a stingy or shallow person, but this relationship was rocky before all of this. I am afraid of looking shallow I guess even though I believe I am being practical. And while I am not necessarily clamouring for us to split right now, I feel like this will be an issue as long as we're together.
Sorry for rambling. Hope that makes sense.
UPDATE: My g/f (33) of 7 months wants to quit her job because I (M/31) won a significant amount of money in the lottery.
quote:tl;dr Ex may be going a little whacko on me and even though I know I did the right thing I am depressed.
A few people have messaged me asking for an update on this situation.
In a word: nightmare.
Suffice to say she was not happy when I told her that she needs to forget about the money for now and that we had serious problems in our relationship from before the win that we kept sweeping aside and all this has done is force us to have a conversation we needed to have anyways.
It got heated pretty quickly and I felt like we kept digressing into petty arguments about old stuff instead of sticking to the main issue. She suddenly took to calling me manipulative and emotionally abusive which took me completely off guard and had me scrambling to defend myself before it occurred to me that she was just trying to make me feel guilty again.
After probably four or five hours of getting nowhere I finally said that we are breaking up and there's nothing more to it. She got up from the couch, got her stuff, told me to go to loving hell, and slammed the door.
Next day the texts and emails started to come in saying that no one will love me like she did, how it's sad to see how money has changed me so quickly, hoping I have fun banging superficial escorts, on and on and on. I ignore the messages. The next day she calls and I ignore the call and she goes to voice mail and says she is crying and says she needs my help and has no one else to turn to and to please call her. I don't call her back.
Thursday night around 11:30 pm the police are knocking at my door. Apparently a neighbour called in a loud domestic dispute from my apartment. I tell him I've been alone all night. He asks to take a look around and I say sure. He says the neighbour who called is not answering their door nor their phone and asks if I recognise the last four digits of a number, which I don't, so he asks if I know of any reason why someone would call the police making such a claim. I tell him I did recently break up with a g/f on the weekend and we did yell so either someone took their time to call or my ex is not taking things well. We both agree it is strange.
I decide not to ask her about it.
Over the weekend I get a few emails/texts and calls from her that start off sweet/nostalgic and end up angry and accusing me of throwing her to the side and being heartless, among other things. From the voice mails i can tell she is drunk. I can't resist so I ask her by email if she knew anything about the prank call to the police which of course she denies and then spins it back on me: do I really think her so petty? Why would I ever think that? It jist proves I never trusted her. Back to arguing so I don't reply.
So yesterday I log on to Facebook for the first time in a while and I notice over the past few days she's been adding my friends as friends. Nothing else, but it freaks me out. I send her a message asking why she's adding my friends and she essentially says it's a free country and that she ccouldn't have been so bad if my friends like her too.
All to say, I am wary and I am depressed and lonely and I have a feeling this is going to be a pain in the rear end. Objectively I know this was a good move, but subjectively it's a whole other matter. Look forward to normal times.
Sorry again for the rant.
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Jun 21, 2017 03:31
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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Why is "It's a free country" always used to justify lovely behavior and not, like, adopting a highway? 🤔
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Jun 21, 2017 03:58
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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TIFU by getting horny and licking a sponge
submitted 12 hours ago by Ugive10k
So, this all started out with me reading some SpongeBob fan fiction. It started out like any other fanfic, with me cringing at all the appropriate times. But then, by the time I got to the torso rape, I was reminded of my childhood... As a kid, I had always wondered what it would be like to stick my dick in one of SpongeBob's torso holes. By the end of the story, I was extremely turned on.
Seeking some form of diversion from my insatiable lust for deep sea poriferans, I decided to talk to my girlfriend. Naturally, the conversation led to sponges, and I told her about my massive erection for SpongeBob. Her laughter only fueled the fires of my libido, and I set off to find a sponge to shove my dick into. Eventually, I found what looked to be a clean sponge in the bathroom, under the sink. I took it back to my room, and inspected it for any dirt, and found none. I was about to plunge my dick into the soft tunnel I formed with the sponge, but I decided to savor the moment. I brought the sponge up to my nostrils, and it was here my suspicions began to manifest. I could smell a light trace of cleaner on the sponge. I tried to convince myself that it was just the smell of the cabinet under the sink, but I knew that sticking my dick in a puddle of scrubbing bubbles wouldn't be too bright. I eventually came to the decision to lick the sponge.
The moment my tongue came into contact with SpongeBob's sexy ninety degree angles, my taste buds were assaulted with a disgusting taste that could only be industrial strength bathroom cleaner. I immediately ran naked past my bewildered mother, and started furiously scrubbing my tongue under running water. I covered my half-inch punisher from my mother, and booked it back to my bedroom. I turned on my brightest light, and inspected the sponge more closely. This time, I could easily make out a few faded stains, and horrifying brown crumbs. I almost threw up, but was able to keep my stomach down. Will update when I come down with the flu.
TL;DR Wanted to chest gently caress SpongeBob, ate poo poo instead.
Whoa. This exact thing has happened to me six times.
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Jun 21, 2017 04:00
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Dude may not be moving as fast as he should, but hes making all the right moves at least.
Also, legit curious what a significant sum is, because itll make the story funnier either way it goes
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Jun 21, 2017 04:25
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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I took the drug accusation to be a pretty damning indictment of her own use
That is a very common way for concern over your own substance abuse to manifest. You have anxiety about losing control of your own actions and when something unexpected happens, like your boyfriend denying you drunk sex (because his penis is currently mangled) and then accidentally chucking you out of bed, is read through the lens of your own anxieties. So you accuse them of taking drugs and being out of control.
Every human narrator is an unreliable narrator, however, so nothing is true and everything is permitted. Embrace oblivion.
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Jun 21, 2017 04:29
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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My family just staged an "intervention" to get me [22m] to break up with my girlfriend [23f]
quote:My girlfriend and I have been dating for seven months, maybe a bit less. I'll admit, things are a bit rocky. There was an incident about two months into our relationship, where someone took a photo of her making out with a guy at a party.
I confronted her at the time, I was pretty upset, she said I was overreacting and random people make out at parties all the time. In the end, she ended up sincerely apologising, but I was really phased, and we nearly broke up.
Basically she used to be best friends with my sister, (who's also 23), and that's how I initially came to know her. But ever since I started dating her, they've grown to hate each other. My sister seems to think she treats me like poo poo, but I try to focus on the positives.
The other day, my family sat me down and talked to me about it. They told me that they think my relationship with her has been very damaging to my personal health and its time I broke up with her.
They listed the following things.
-She's very demanding of me, unappreciative.
-She always demands that I adjust my work life schedule and rearrange things to fit in dates, but she never does the same. For example, sometimes she cancels dates when something she has comes up, like a party with friends, but never lets me do the same.
-A few months ago, there was this time when we were out together, and she was around my family. She slapped me on the back of my head and called me an "idiot", because we were arguing about something minor at the time. She insists it was just a joke and she was being playful, but it was kind of a hard hit.
-My sister states that when my girlfriend is around her friends, and she (my sister) is there, but I'm not there, my girlfriend always talks poo poo about me and says some pretty mean things sometimes.
-That she was incredibly unappreciative of the birthday gift I bought for her, and made quite a fuss over it.
-They say she's generally rude to me as a whole and doesn't talk to me or respect me like an equal, but rather talks down to me like a little boy.
-My sister pointed out numerous times, including recently, she's seen her flirt with other guys publicly, despite the fact she has a boyfriend. My sister said she feels incredibly angry and irritated when she sees this, because she knows it means the gf doesn't respect me at all.
All in all, they said it was a very unhealthy relationship and I should break up with her. I recognise all the points they make, and there is some truth to them, but I feel like while there are many difficulties in our relationship, we're working on them.
I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this, any advice?
tl;dr: Family staged an "intervention" to get me to break up with my girlfriend over a whole range of issues, saying my relationship with her is harmful and she doesn't respect me.
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Jun 21, 2017 04:31
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- cyberia
- Jun 24, 2011
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Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.
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Lol because apparently girls can't play catch, work on cars, or do yard work. BRB I have to tell my daughter she needs to come inside and do needlepoint instead of helping her mom mow the lawn.
Get off the computer and go and help your family with the yardwork, you goon.
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Jun 21, 2017 04:36
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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Get off the computer and go and help your family with the yardwork, you goon.
You're my family now kiddo
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Jun 21, 2017 04:44
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Get off the computer and go and help your family with the yardwork, you goon.
I posted that with my phone while rocking my 2 year old son to sleep. I also do all of the grocery shopping and most of the cooking. Basically I am the woman in this relationship unless ot comes to mechanical tasks or truly taxing physical labor such as splitting logs or getting drunk and yelling at the kids.
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Jun 21, 2017 06:09
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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My family just staged an "intervention" to get me [22m] to break up with my girlfriend [23f]
I feel like if you come back from an intervention like this and say "im going to make it work" everyone you know is obligated to buy you a tanto and offer to be your second until you get the hint.
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Jun 21, 2017 06:14
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- blarzgh
- Apr 14, 2009
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SNITCHIN' RANDY
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Grimey Drawer
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I highly doubt the cops would share the phone number of the person who reported the domestic disturbance, even if it appeared that nothing was going on.
It wouldn't surprise me - anonymous tips are often insufficient probable cause, so the cop wants to ID the caller for multiple reasons, I would imagine
Although I don't do dv cases.
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Jun 21, 2017 07:08
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- blarzgh
- Apr 14, 2009
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SNITCHIN' RANDY
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Grimey Drawer
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I feel like if you come back from an intervention like this and say "im going to make it work" everyone you know is obligated to buy you a tanto and offer to be your second until you get the hint.
He's asking the internet for permission to dump this broad, which means his family's approval rates juuust below reddit's in his world.
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Jun 21, 2017 07:11
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- Lets Pickle
- Jul 9, 2007
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I know picky eaters was a couple of pages ago, but I just wanted to say that I am the nanny for a 2-year old and here is a noncomprehensive list of foods she loves:
-Eggplant
-Broccoli
-Asparagus
-Carrots
-Cucumbers
-Mushrooms
-Edamame
-Olives
-Snow Peas
-Every fruit
because guess what? Her parents and I cook these foods, and eat them, and they're delicious, and she eats what we eat. As soon as a kid is old enough to eat solid food they can eat most things that adults eat. If you cook lovely foods and/or let your child just eat lovely foods because it's easier you may well end up with a chicken nugget eating picky bastard who sodomizes people when they try to get him to eat vegetables.
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Jun 21, 2017 07:12
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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I know picky eaters was a couple of pages ago, but I just wanted to say that I am the nanny for a 2-year old and here is a noncomprehensive list of foods she loves:
-Eggplant
-Broccoli
-Asparagus
-Carrots
-Cucumbers
-Mushrooms
-Edamame
-Olives
-Snow Peas
-Every fruit
because guess what? Her parents and I cook these foods, and eat them, and they're delicious, and she eats what we eat. As soon as a kid is old enough to eat solid food they can eat most things that adults eat. If you cook lovely foods and/or let your child just eat lovely foods because it's easier you may well end up with a chicken nugget eating picky bastard who sodomizes people when they try to get him to eat vegetables.
Where's the spice? Give that kid some loving ghost peppers.
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Jun 21, 2017 07:17
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- FROOOOOOOOG
- Jan 28, 2009
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My g/f (33) of 7 months wants to quit her job because I (M/31) won a significant amount of money in the lottery.
Shoulda taken the annuity.
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Jun 21, 2017 08:07
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Nobody actually cares what I like to eat, or don't like to eat, except the people preparing my food!
Me [27 F] with my husband [30 M] 5 years, his friends apologize when they hear we're having a girl.
Who knows maybe they're being progressive by admitting that life as a boy is easier under the patriarchy including stuff like not having to be worried about getting raped at social events.
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Jun 21, 2017 08:28
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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I know picky eaters was a couple of pages ago, but I just wanted to say that I am the nanny for a 2-year old and here is a noncomprehensive list of foods she loves:
-Eggplant
-Broccoli
-Asparagus
-Carrots
-Cucumbers
-Mushrooms
-Edamame
-Olives
-Snow Peas
-Every fruit
because guess what? Her parents and I cook these foods, and eat them, and they're delicious, and she eats what we eat. As soon as a kid is old enough to eat solid food they can eat most things that adults eat. If you cook lovely foods and/or let your child just eat lovely foods because it's easier you may well end up with a chicken nugget eating picky bastard who sodomizes people when they try to get him to eat vegetables.
Not to say you shouldn't try with your child but like there is legitimate research into this subject that demonstrates most 1-3 year olds are assholes about food and grow out of it later so long as you don't make the issue worse. As someone raised by a single parent that didn't have much time to cook I can say that I got into actually eating vegitables and such on my own time in college cause I didn't want to be that dude who refused any toppings outside of meat or cheese on his pizza. I feel like if you absolutely refuse to update your diet either your parents were straight up abusive with how they handled your food or it's just a symptom of other psychological issues. Otherwise you'll simply notice the difference between your habits and your peers and social pressure will solve it.
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Jun 21, 2017 08:37
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- Breetai
- Nov 6, 2005
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🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌
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"Dude hope she's hot in 18 years HAHA"
Is something I've heard said before. Somehow that person didn't get punched.
"Hur hur, her first lesbian kiss"
- Fuckwit, Hospital Maternity room, upon seeing his one-day-old daughter get kissed on the cheek by his partner's friend.
It was difficult to suppress a knee-jerk "OH FOR gently caress'S SAKE!".
Breetai fucked around with this message at 10:19 on Jun 21, 2017
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Jun 21, 2017 10:14
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- Tender Bender
- Sep 17, 2004
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Lol if it's real the girlfriend of 7 months who thought she could retire on her boyfriend's money is amazing
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Jun 21, 2017 16:31
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Lol if it's real the girlfriend of 7 months who thought she could retire on her boyfriend's money is amazing
And she would have gotten away with it if it wasnt for those meddling kids.
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Jun 21, 2017 16:37
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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My [31 M] parents [60s M+F] are insisting that I give up my main hobby due to their fears about my safety.
quote:Throwaway to protect my main account from being identified.
I (M 31) am a keen cyclist. I usually cycle around 10 000 miles / year and I run the largest cycling club in my city. My wife (30 F) cycles to work and we use a bike trailer to drop off our daughter (1.5 F) at her nursery. However, cycling can be dangerous. About 5 years ago I was hit by a car and broke my thumb, last summer I had an accident that resulted in a double brain haemorrhage, and three weeks ago I was hit by a negligent driver who broke my clavicle.
After the latest incident, my parents (60s M+F) are insisting that I give up cycling and buy a car. This would be a massive lifestyle change for me – most of my friends are cyclists, I live in a cycling-mad city, there’s no car parking at my home or workplace. I’ve run this past my wife - she is happy for me to continue cycling but would like me to be a little more cautious (which I certainly intend to do!) I’ve also ruled out ever racing again. However, most cyclists that I know have an accident every 20 000 miles or so, so statistically I’m almost certain to have another accident within 5 years.
My mum's own words: "I feel like a parent of a young kid all over again. It's not fun :-("
Is it reasonable for my parents to ask me to make a massive lifestyle change in order to spare them from worrying about my safety? If I don’t follow their advice, how do I communicate that with them tactfully? And how do I deal with the inevitable “I told you so” when I have another accident in the next 5 years? quote:There is almost no chance of me being involved in an accident with the trailer because I ride very conservatively with it - not just through choice, the weight forces me to be a lot slower. Every time I've been involved in an accident (even when it was not my fault) I've been cycling faster than most people would in the same situation. I just need to be more cautious.
think that brain hemorrhage mighta stuck
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 16:45 on Jun 21, 2017
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Jun 21, 2017 16:42
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- Tokyo Sexwale
- Jul 30, 2003
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My [31 M] parents [60s M+F] are insisting that I give up my main hobby due to their fears about my safety.
Reasonable for your parents to ask? Don't know. Reasonable to do it for the sake of your 18-month-old kid? Probably.
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Jun 21, 2017 16:45
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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hoo boy we got a bumper crop this morning
Boyfriend (26M) said that he feels like he "ruined" me (21F) ever since we had sex.
quote:I've met my boyfriend at a beach party earlier last year and we've been dating since summer. Our relationship is great however I do admit that he has a bit of an ego problem. He can be quite arrogant sometimes but thankfully he's not like that 24/7. He comes from a very wealthy family and I think that's just how he was raised. I moved into his house a few months ago and it's actually better for me since it's closer to my college. We both also have very high sex drives (1-3 times a day) so it's more practical to live together.
Last night after we had sex we were talking about our relationship and how it changed over the months. He said that I'm the perfect combination of "sexy" and "innocent looking" (I hate being called that) and that's one of the reasons it's enjoyable to have sex with me. I do often get told that I look younger than my age (baby face) but I didn't think it would have an impact on my dating experience. He explained that it's hot to take a girl like that and see what she "becomes" in the bedroom. Of course I asked him what I become in the bedroom. He said "anything but innocent. I've ruined you". He explained that having sex with a girl who looks innocent but has a womanly body is a turn on because it's like "corrupting something beautiful". It was a weird thing to say imo but he was dead serious. Like what exactly is he "corrupting"? He assured me that it's his "honor" that he gets to make me do stuff that other people would never assume of me. Again, wtf does that even mean??
This may be TMI but I'll go ahead because it does make things clearer. When I first met him, I was somewhat sexually inexperienced and he gradually introduced me to a lot of different kinks. Now it's safe to say that the type of sex I enjoy is definitely not vanilla (I'm into BDSM/being degraded) but I don't think it means he "ruined" me. That makes it sound like I was a product he used and "broke". It just feels sexist. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, idk.
I got a little mad and told him that I'm the same girl as before, just kinkier. He laughed and recalled a sexual act we did earlier that evening, saying that I'm definitely not as "innocent" as I was before. We started arguing and he sighed and said "You're very talented with your mouth but not when it comes to talking". At that point I was VERY pissed off and left to watch TV in the living room. Of course he started apologizing but I ignored him until he finally got the message. I fell asleep on that couch too so we spent the night apart. The next day I left the house without talking to him and he was texting me the whole time. Telling me I should be "flattered" because he complimented me. I don't get how those were compliments but whatever.
We usually never argue like this, especially about our sex life. I think he sounded like an arrogant dbag and really didn't think his words through. How should I talk to him about it? quote:I just don't understand how it's a compliment?
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Jun 21, 2017 16:54
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 30, 2024 07:57
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- Bamabalacha
- Sep 18, 2006
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Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!
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My [31 M] parents [60s M+F] are insisting that I give up my main hobby due to their fears about my safety.
think that brain hemorrhage mighta stuck
Every time I see one of those trailer things with a kid in it I scream internally.
I'm in Toronto, where we have a fuckton of cyclists (and a gently caress ton of accidents with cyclists), and I still generally only see them on paths or on the weekend. The idea of dragging your kid around like that during rush hour every day is just...ugh.
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Jun 21, 2017 16:55
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Jun 21, 2017 03:10
