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For future reference if there's a random drug test, you know that really dangerous situation you've known about but no one fixes? Get hurt with it and maybe break a bone if it involves falling and walla you get rushed out and receive workmans comp instead of that pee test. If it's an office at least cut yourself with a box cutter, just make sure you cut yourself really bad, that's the key. You could fake a seizure instead but that's way too much acting.
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Jul 4, 2017 19:19
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Or just pour microwaved diet coke into the piss cup. They'll be none the wiser.
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Jul 4, 2017 19:21
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Elsa posted:For future reference if there's a random drug test, you know that really dangerous situation you've known about but no one fixes? Get hurt with it and maybe break a bone if it involves falling and walla you get rushed out and receive workmans comp instead of that pee test. If it's an office at least cut yourself with a box cutter, just make sure you cut yourself really bad, that's the key. You could fake a seizure instead but that's way too much acting. This is terrible advice as most industrial/manufacturing sites require an immediate piss test of everyone involved in any kind of major work place injury or company owned equipment or car accident. I think in some states its even mandated if worker's comp is involved.
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Jul 4, 2017 19:25
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mkultra419 posted:This is terrible advice 
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Jul 4, 2017 19:25
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Use regular coke instead, say you got diabetes from office donuts, get workers comp. I am the greatest criminal genius of my generation.
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Jul 4, 2017 19:25
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It's still less terrible than going on a coke bender all weekend and then sleeping on the drive home
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Jul 4, 2017 19:27
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Pedo goon do you live in Africa
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Jul 4, 2017 19:50
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KomodoWagon posted:Pirate eyepatches aren't for missing eyes, you uncultured dickheads. It's so your one eye is accustomed to the dark for when you go below deck. Boths eye are always equally dilated. You cannot have one eye "accustomed " to the dark without the other eye being equally "accustomed" to it.
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Jul 4, 2017 19:52
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Elsa posted:It's still less terrible than going on a coke bender all weekend and then sleeping on the drive home I smoke some weed, ok I had some shrooms, oh and probably some other stuff because I'm being vague in my anon confession. Ok fine I also got tired from all that so with my wife and kids(s) in the car I did lines of coke off the steering wheel to stay awake. The real takeaway here is how much it sucks that my office random drug tested me. I sure haven't learned to not do drugs while driving my presumed loved ones around, the only negative here is my job my be taken from me.
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Jul 4, 2017 19:53
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Solice Kirsk posted:If you come back clean with in a couple days then they may chalk it up to some sort of weird contamination. From my experience, when companies usually do this it's to fire a very select person, but they have to check everyone to make it fair. Given the confession, that very select person is probably the confessor himself My goondolences, friend, but you're hosed
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Jul 4, 2017 20:04
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tangy yet delightful posted:I smoke some weed, ok I had some shrooms, oh and probably some other stuff because I'm being vague in my anon confession. Ok fine I also got tired from all that so with my wife and kids(s) in the car I did lines of coke off the steering wheel to stay awake. you deserve everything that's coming to you and your family
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Jul 4, 2017 20:15
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I knew a kid in high school who allegedly chugged a bottle of canola oil to flush his system before a drug test. He allegedly threw up and it allegedly didn't work.
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Jul 4, 2017 20:20
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A friend of mine sold her pee to a junkie at a petrol station late one Sunday. Didn't bother to mention that she was high as gently caress on ecstasy and had been doing fat lines of coke all day.
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Jul 4, 2017 20:35
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A friend of mine in college had a glass eye (from some kind of childhood illness). We went to the local Renaissance Faire once (because we're loving nerds), and he wore an eyepatch and took out the glass eye. One of the Ren Faire people started giving him poo poo: "you don't really need an eyepatch, you're just faking..." He flipped up the eyepatch, revealing his empty eye socket. "...oh."
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Jul 4, 2017 20:59
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Viva Miriya posted:you deserve everything that's coming to you and your family Too many layers deep here.
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Jul 4, 2017 21:07
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Improbable Lobster posted:Boths eye are always equally dilated. You cannot have one eye "accustomed " to the dark without the other eye being equally "accustomed" to it.
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Jul 4, 2017 21:10
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i like nice words
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tangy yet delightful posted:Too many layers deep here. e: i'm dumb af, you aren't that goon Viva Miriya fucked around with this message at 21:24 on Jul 4, 2017 |
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Jul 4, 2017 21:21
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Viva Miriya posted:e: i'm dumb af, you aren't that goon An admission of error? What the gently caress is this poo poo?
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Jul 4, 2017 21:34
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Piss tests aren't super reliable anyway. Look up a otc drug that shows up false positive for whatever you were on and muddy the waters a bit, then demand a retest because those things seriously have like 10% failure rate. Congress banned forcing people to take polygraph tests for employment because the polygraph is so unreliable. I don't know why they let employment drug testing continue because it's the same story.
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Jul 4, 2017 21:44
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Anne Whateley posted:No way, man. Try it tonight in the dark -- lie on your side, close one eye and smush it into the pillow while dicking around on your phone with the other eye. When you turn your phone off and look around one eye at a time, the pillow eye will have night vision while the phone one won't. Both eyes are always equally dilated
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Jul 4, 2017 21:56
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Improbable Lobster posted:Boths eye are always equally dilated. You cannot have one eye "accustomed " to the dark without the other eye being equally "accustomed" to it. Then I must be some sort of mutant because I just tried it out for good measure and I totally can
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Jul 4, 2017 21:58
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-hMnPREi1w&t=90s
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Jul 4, 2017 21:59
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KomodoWagon posted:Then I must be some sort of mutant because I just tried it out for good measure and I totally can Again, both eyes are equally dilated at all times. Your eyes are never dilated differently, barring a significant eye or head injury. What's happening is that your brain is trying to compensate for the differing light levels by dilating your eyes more or less than they would be if one was uncovered. Improbable Lobster fucked around with this message at 22:03 on Jul 4, 2017 |
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Jul 4, 2017 22:01
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But the eye I'd kept covered was very remarkably better at seeing in the dark. It might be the brain rather than the eye but the eyepatch thing would still work. For me, at least.
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Jul 4, 2017 22:06
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improbable lobster is probably wrong-ster
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Jul 4, 2017 22:13
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KomodoWagon posted:But the eye I'd kept covered was very remarkably better at seeing in the dark. It might be the brain rather than the eye but the eyepatch thing would still work. For me, at least. Congrats on your anisocoria
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Jul 4, 2017 22:16
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Incoherence posted:A friend of mine in college had a glass eye (from some kind of childhood illness). We went to the local Renaissance Faire once (because we're loving nerds), and he wore an eyepatch and took out the glass eye. One of the Ren Faire people started giving him poo poo: "you don't really need an eyepatch, you're just faking..." He flipped up the eyepatch, revealing his empty eye socket. "...oh." How did he take out the glass eye? Reach in from the front or try and shake it out?
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Jul 4, 2017 22:28
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VanSandman posted:An admission of error? What the gently caress is this poo poo? ok guy
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Jul 4, 2017 22:30
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Nissin Cup Nudist posted:How did he take out the glass eye? Reach in from the front or try and shake it out?
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Jul 4, 2017 23:09
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Anne Whateley posted:No way, man. Try it tonight in the dark -- lie on your side, close one eye and smush it into the pillow while dicking around on your phone with the other eye. When you turn your phone off and look around one eye at a time, the pillow eye will have night vision while the phone one won't. Yeah this poo poo works because of a protein called "Rhodopsin" that is destroyed by light, but while active makes your rods more effective. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhodopsin
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Jul 5, 2017 00:58
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I hate when that happens.
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Jul 5, 2017 01:08
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mkultra419 posted:This is terrible advice Also the word is "voila," it's French, "walla" just makes you look like a loving moron
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Jul 5, 2017 02:37
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quote:Sup thread, first time caller long time lurker so let's get down to it. It's a bit of a read, mainly because I need to let all of this out, so bear with me please. Genesis_No_Son_Of_Mine.mp3 Anyway, if your account is accurate you did nothing wrong. There is a reason pulling a gun on someone is an automatic felony assault charge, and doing it was entirely on him. Glad he's out of your life  Good luck with the apartment search and saving etc.quote:My grandfather passed away at the ripe old age of 103 earlier this summer. yikes yeah can't say I disagree with you on this
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Jul 5, 2017 03:51
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Descend to slumber posted:Yeah this poo poo works because of a protein called "Rhodopsin" that is destroyed by light, but while active makes your rods more effective.
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Jul 5, 2017 04:39
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Yeesh, I hope they buried Grandpa deep 
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Jul 5, 2017 04:40
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Descend to slumber posted:Yeah this poo poo works because of a protein called "Rhodopsin" that is destroyed by light, but while active makes your rods more effective. That's cool as hell! I always thought adapting to night vision was a purely neural thing, like your brain just turned the gain up or down on the optic nerve as needed.
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Jul 5, 2017 05:24
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loquacius posted:yikes
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Jul 5, 2017 07:56
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Danaru posted:Yeesh, I hope they buried Grandpa deep Tramp that loving dirt down Gungoon, I'm really glad that all considered that situation turned out alright. You absolutely did the right thing standing up for your mum, good luck going forward
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Jul 5, 2017 09:42
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Incoherence posted:Sometimes people wonder whatever happened to the white people who are in pictures from civil rights protests harassing the protesters. I guess we found one, and the answer is "he's still super loving racist". I do too! They sometimes track down people in famous pictures, like the black kids sitting at a segregated lunch counter. That's interesting, but I'd also like to hear about the racist whose face is contorted by hate, screaming at them. Did they ever change? Realise they were wrong? Carry on being awful people?
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Jul 5, 2017 10:13
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therattle posted:Carry on being awful people? This is 100% the case, always. People don't improve.
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Jul 5, 2017 10:49
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