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Jun 12, 2024 07:53
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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We mock them for not bothering to learn skills/put in effort while simultaneously expecting them to accept that they might need to learn skills/put in effort? I don't quite follow how that's a double standard.
Not gonna put a longwinded effort into this derail but you've basically said exactly what I mean.
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Jul 10, 2017 04:26
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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My [29/F] friend [26/F] is pressuring me to let her move into my home, but I don't want her to for various reasons, some of them sexual, which she's trying to guilt me over.
quote:
My friend K texted me out of the blue today, just saying "hey". I responded asking her what's going on. She then told me she's homeless and has nowhere to go and that she slept outside last night. She was living with this guy she's "working" for (as his "sugar baby"- her words) and he told her he doesn't want her chaos in his life anymore. Now she's trying to bring it into my life.
We've been friends for over 10 years, and I grew up but she hasn't. She has a 2 year old she basically gave up to the dad a couple months back, who now lives across the country. She's still married to him but has a new boyfriend, who I've never met and is apparently also homeless. She says they just need to get money together to get their own place, but she has never worked an honest job in her entire life, except for the one time I got her a job at this place I used to work and she no called no showed on the third day, which made me look bad.
She is also currently in trouble with the law for an "assault and battery in the presence of a minor" charge for pushing her elderly mother into a chair because she told her she's a bad mom for giving up her child for a man. Her next court date is this week. She has no car, and doesn't even have a driver's license. She also has a lot of drama with her ex husband, who is very high strung emotionally.
She has no other friends, and no family is on her side because of what happened with her mom. She has nowhere else to go. I know if I let her into my home that nothing good will come of it. My husband [35/M] is dead set against her moving in. We are trying to have a baby and are at a really good place in our lives and relationship after overcoming some major obstacles last year (the death of two people who we loved dearly.)
K is practically begging me to move in, but there are a million reasons why it's not a good idea. She is only blaming one reason that I haven't mentioned yet. K and I have a history. K and my husband and I have a history. Years ago, before my husband and I got married, and while K was single, we had multiple threesomes together, and K and I had a sexual relationship on and off for years before that. It was all in good fun, no hurt feelings or jealousy or anything, but it ended when K tried to move in with us. We just felt like it was crossing a boundary at the time that we weren't comfortable with. That and we knew if she lived with us she would freeload off of us until we kicked her out.
When I told her today that I didn't think it was a good idea for her to move in, she immediately asked if it was because of our history and if I didn't trust her with my husband while I was at work or something, and if I would help her if the threesomes never happened. I can honestly say that the main reason is all of the crazy drama she has gotten herself into and all of the bad decisions she has been making that is giving me the most resistance. I told her that in the nicest way possible, but she just keeps going back to the threesomes and sexual stuff. It isn't really about that. Although, to be fair, I do feel like I don't know her anymore because of everything that has been going on, so I don't know what she'd do if she lived here. My trust in my husband is 100%.
I feel TERRIBLE about all of this and it's giving me so much stress and anxiety. I hate thinking of her having nowhere to go. I've always gone to rescue her in the past, often putting myself out in the process, and she has never returned the favor because she is completely incapable of helping anyone out, no job and no driver's license makes that pretty difficult.
Part of me feels like a bad friend, and I have no idea what to do to really help her. If I let her move in, I will only be enabling her. Even if she did get a job, I'm not sure how she'd even get to and from work since my husband and I both work full time ourselves. But my husband keeps reminding me of all the times I've tried to help her and how K has never fully appreciated it or ever tried to help herself. I've been a good friend to her for over a decade and it's always been a very one sided relationship.
She's pretty much giving me the ultimatum right now, saying if I don't help her I'm no friend to her, which is really hard to deal with. Honestly, I've been a wreck all day. So I guess I'm looking for advice, input from an objective source, and is there anything I can do for her without risking the quality of my own life and letting her move in?
tl;dr My friend wants to move in with my husband and I, but she has no job, has never really had a job, can't drive, is charged with assault and battery in the presence of a minor, gave her 2 year old up to her estranged husband who lives across the country, has a boyfriend who also has nowhere to go and no job or money, and my husband and I are trying to have a baby. I told her that it's not going to work out, and she blamed it solely on the fact that we all used to have threesomes years ago, and is trying to guilt me with that and saying I'm a bad friend for not helping her, and basically that if I don't let her move in our friendship is over. I'm devastated, even though she's at a very low point in her life, I can't just give up on her. What can I do to try to preserve our friendship, and to help her without letting her move in? She is apparently sleeping outside and I feel awful about it, but can't put my happy home life at risk for her bad decisions.
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Jul 10, 2017 05:01
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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yeah no the dude is not at all in the wrong in the situation but that part's still funny, and also feels like. Idk, standard? like "dude thinks poo poo is hot when it's gonna be him loving multiple women but changes his mind when it's the woman loving multiple men" just comes up a lot
I suspect in some cases it's because a lot of these open relationships started with "I just want to explore this part of my sexuality" and that pretense falling away is probably pretty jarring
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Jul 10, 2017 05:17
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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yeah no the dude is not at all in the wrong in the situation but that part's still funny, and also feels like. Idk, standard? like "dude thinks poo poo is hot when it's gonna be him loving multiple women but changes his mind when it's the woman loving multiple men" just comes up a lot
by his own words he just thought it would be a phase and when she slowly started phasing (lol getit) him out of her relationships it dawned on him this was gonna be an ongoing thing that he didn't have a real part of. Not to say I don't think he was being super naive about the whole thing but considering the general stereotypes and stigmas surrounding bisexuality I can't say I'm surprised that a random dude would buy into the idea that "oh that means she needs sex from both genders to be happy" as that's a super common idea even in queer communities.
The reality is of course that bi people can be monogamous too and that it'd be no different from a straight person saying that because they found both blondes and brunettes attractive they needed to be able to sleep with both.
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Jul 10, 2017 05:19
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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i admit the phenomenon is more amusing in other cases when going poly was the guy's idea in the first place
oh yeah totally
no loving pity for those people, haha
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Jul 10, 2017 05:24
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- Spatial
- Nov 15, 2007
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My [29/F] friend [26/F] is pressuring me to let her move into my home, but I don't want her to for various reasons, some of them sexual, which she's trying to guilt me over.
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Jul 10, 2017 05:26
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- darkhand
- Jan 18, 2010
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This beard just won't do!
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you can safely ignore/drop anyone that starts a conversation with "hey"
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Jul 10, 2017 05:38
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- Anony Mouse
- Jan 30, 2005
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A name means nothing on the battlefield. After a week, no one has a name.
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Lipstick Apathy
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How about something heartwarming for once:
I(26M) got my girlfriend(28F) of 10 months a very personal birthday gift and am now worried that it might be too personal and come off as creepy or stalker-like
quote:Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I really like this girl, in a way i don't think I've ever felt before. I'm really serious about her and i am absolutely petrified of loving this up. My last relationship was not good for me nothing abusive or anything, she had been cheating among other things and it blindsided me. I took a hit to my self esteem no doubt. Things are going great, for both of us individually and as a couple. We both just got promotions recently. She just finalized her inheriting a house and moved in, and has since floated the notion of living together. No serious conversations or anything, but i find myself considering it with a kind of anticipation. I don't think i would've even considered this step with anyone else. Point is, i'm serious.
On our first couple of dates we bonded a lot over our shared love of old video games. she mentioned a few times a SNES she had that her mother sold in a yard sale, she had some good memories of playing with her older brothers whom she doesn't get to see very often anymore because they live in different countries.
Anyway long story short, i asked her mother about it, she sold it to a neighbor, i asked him since he still lived in the neighborhood, he gave it to his son, after i explained why i wanted it he asked his son and his son gave me the number of his collector friend he sold it to, and i bought it off him for cheap since it was broken. I sent a picture to one of her brothers(to clarify: i didn't cold call anyone. I'd met her family before on a few occasions, well only this brother, on his last visit to the states, we both moved back into the town we grew up in in the last year-ish) to make sure it was the same one and it was. Same stickers and everything. I got her chrono trigger because she used to play it with her brothers watching and vice versa. I also got final fantasy 6 because it's one of my favorites and i was hoping she could make some new memories.
I just finished fixing it and playing some FF6 to uhh... make sure it worked. I've admittedly had a few and am getting worried that it might come off as stalker-y like i interogated her family(as i generally don't see or talk to them without her around, with the exception her mother, who often asks for help in her yard and house as she's older.) To get her exact SNES back, i planned the gift over the course of the last month, but it only took 3 days to actually find it(few hours on the phone maybe. 3 hour drive round trip to pick it up.) The rest was waiting for replacement parts and learning how to fix it. Her birthday is in 3 days, should i hold onto it until christmas? Get her something else? Am i just being drunkenly paranoid? Am i worried about nothing? I can't really ask our mutual friends because they all can't keep a secret and they know it. I tell any one of them and they'll all know in 30 minutes guaranteed, much like Domino's. Am i worried over nothing? Please tell me if thats the case, it wouldn't be the first.
TL;DR found something from my GFs past to give to her as a birthday present, now worried it might come off as creepy. 
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Jul 10, 2017 07:49
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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I like that it took him a week to piece it together, Inspector Morse the Bf isn't.
My [32F] sudden ex-boyfriend [32M] just dumped me because I saw another ex [37M] but I don't think it was cheating. Either way, I want him back, what should I do?
quote:u/dont_think_imacheat
I'm the type of person who tries to remain friends with her exes, and mean it. Some have told me it's unhealthy but it is what it is. Also, my job's kind of a hybrid of retail and corporate, has inconsistent hours and a few different locations that I might work out of - this will be relevant in a paragraph or two. I was with the 37-year old for about three years, about one of which was long distance. I pictured myself marrying him but we ultimately broke up because he has twin daughters, who I like but I don't want to be a replacement mother, and he was adamant about not having more kids though I really want some of my own. So I ended things but we kept in contact, occasionally texting and talking on the phone but didn't see each other in person at all after breaking up.
About four months later I met someone new and we started dating, hit it off, things were going very well. Said we loved each other about two months in. He knew I stayed in contact with the ex from before and seemed a little bit bothered but didn't say too much about it. Until exactly three weeks ago, when the 37-year-old texted me asking if I wanted to get lunch. I said yes, we met up, at the end of lunch he said he was still in love with me and knows we broke up since he didn't want kids and would have kids with me if that's what it takes. Almost like the speech Richard gave Monica on that episode of Friends if you know what I'm talking about. I told him I'd met somebody else and it was too late, and also that it would be inappropriate for us to stay in contact now.
The next day I told my new man what happened, kind of, but left out some details, mainly the logistics of how lunch happened to begin with. I know this was a huge mistake, but I lied and said he came to my office and I was too stunned to say no. My new man seemed a bit upset by it but our relationship seemed fine for another few week, until yesterday.
He asked me how my ex could have known where to go if he wanted to see me and invite me to lunch, considering I don't work every Sunday, and even when I do there's no guarantee I'll be at any one specific location. I admitted the truth, that it was a text arranging lunch. He told me that it was a date and the reason I told him he surprised me at work was to pretend I didn't arrange going on a date. I told him I disagreed, it was just lunch. So he said I cheated on him, is very hurt I won't own up to it, and dumped me.
I'm devastated and want him to forgive me, date me again. Personally I don't think it was a date - it's just lunch and we didn't even kiss - but I'm willing to bite the bullet and admit infidelity I don't think happened. Any advice on how to move forward?
tl;dr: Was in a relationship, we ended. Got a new boyfriend. My ex invited me to lunch where he confessed his love to me and tried to get me back. I said no, told my new boyfriend but lied about the details. A few weeks later my new boyfriend saw through the ruse and dumped me for cheating on him, considering the lunch a date (though I don't think it was cheating). I'd like a second chance with him, how should I proceed?
You went to lunch with your ex, lied about the specifics - even if it wasn't a date, that is reasonable grounds to be dumped.
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Jul 10, 2017 07:56
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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In the comments it's explained that the toddler isn't his child, he just "adopted" him by "choosing to be in his life", soooo drat man, get some self respect and bail.
I (24m) am terrified my fiance (23f) is done with me and im not ready to be done.
quote:u/meagermantis
So, way back when we decided to become serious, and start co-habitating, things were great. We seemed to have a healthy balance of cleaning and child care and everything all sorted: then we bought a house. Her credit is great, while mine is garbo, so her name is the only one that appears on our mortgage. I pay for half of utilities and the mortgage and child care, but have no official standing here.
Since we bought the house, her expectations of division of labor seem to have skyrocketed: i am to do dishes, (which apparently i do incorrectly) cook, pick up after our toddler, vaccuum, sweep, mop, basically all of the cleaning jobs every day, echept for laundry (which has sat in a pile in our kitchen for well over a week). If i let one go for a day she has a fit. Expenses are split evenly, but responsibility is not.
In the last week, i am no longer allowed to help with laundry, with dishes, with taking our son to daycare, with anything because "i cant do anything right, she now has to take over". I dont know why this is just now becoming a thing! Im sure its annoyed her in the past, but its all coming to a head, and i'm tired of fighting her on everything. Because i fold pants the wrong way, or put things in our dishwasher when she wants them handwashed first. (why have the appliance if we're not to use it?) She's resorted to just not talking to me in almost a week now: which is childish.
What do i do? I dont want something silly like chores to be the defining problem of our relationship, but its not unreasonable for me to perform cleaning duties as i've done them in the past, is it? Maybe building a chore spreadsheet, with days to complete tasks that we agree on, and some better communication about exact expectations would help, but i feel like we've had those conversations, and come to a consensus, and now the consensus has changed, and shes mad i didnt get the memo, but took no time to share that the consensus NEEDED CHANGING!
On top of all of this, her folks are splitting up: we added her mom to our phone plan, so her dad couldnt stalk her mother's every waking moment, from time at work to co-workers phone numbers and addrresses saved in HIS phone. Her mom never liked me much, and i fear the mother's bitterness towards me, and more-so all men may be rubbing off on my fiance.
Also, any form of affection is gone. She wont even hold my hand: sex has been absent for months, and her new thing is to respond to "i love you" with a curt "i know".
I'm at a loss as to what to do: shes distant, unloving, and cold for the first time, and nothing i can do is good enough. Ive been an emotional wreck obsessing over how to fix our communication, all while fully knowing she holds all of the cards, the ball is in her court, and i just have to sit pretty and wait for the ball to drop.
what do i do here?
TL;DR: my fiance has gone from loving and wonderful to hurtful and distand in the last week, and i know some of it is because i suck, some is because life is hard right now, and part of it is a complete mystery. Im lost and scared, and a ball of anxiety and stress.
From the comments:
quote:I would love to! Ive tried sitting her down and talking.
Just now, i walked in to talk to her, try and get somewhere. I told her i was going insane with stress, and im happy to work on whatever we need to to get back to steady, but i needed to know i wasnt just putting myself through a meat grinder if eventually she was just going to hand my ring back to me and tell me to go. I was told "im not going to say 'i love you' just to appease you. Its hard for me to say it when i've felt like your mom for months"
Im now sitting on the couch drinking dr pepper and scotch whiskey.
quote:I "addopted" him. Hes our son because i chose to be a part of this.
Thats the other thing: lately, she wont let me like, parent him. The other night he was screaming about bedtime, and i tried to shuffle us both out, because cooing at him and standing over him just enforced the behavior: she told me to stop telling her how to parent HER child(then went and complained about the incident to her work friend [a guy] on facebook. I have no idea what was said in person while they worked).
Hes spending tonight in our bed for the 4th night in a row, while i sleep on the couch.
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Jul 10, 2017 08:15
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- Liquid Communism
- Mar 9, 2004
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коммунизм хранится в яичках
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isn't that why "unicorns don't exist" is a thing in those communities?
Well, that and the vanishingly small number of bi people who want to essentially be a living sex toy to spice up someone else's marriage for a night.
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Jul 10, 2017 12:16
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- Danaru
- Jun 5, 2012
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何 ??
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Insurance companies HATE him! This manager's one weird trick to avoiding legal liability!
FedEx Truck physically forced me off the road damaging my car and fled. Got it on Dash Cam. FedEx corporate is now being shady, dragging the ordeal out, and deleting evidence I send them.
quote:
A couple months ago in U.S. Georgia I was traveling on the interstate and a FedEx Semi with two modules forced me out of my lane. Dude literally pushed me and my two year old out of the lane. Tried to flag him down and he just carried on. Ok, that's cool, lucky me I have a dash cam. Call the cops, about two minutes in the call we cross state lines into Alabama. Another fifteen minutes later dispatch advises me to just pull over (I was still following the truck) and wait for a state trooper.
State trooper shows up looks at the footage and tells me he wishes that dispatch wouldn't have told me to pull over because that truck is long gone by now and the driver needed a "talking to". He also said I would have to fill out a SR-13 form because since this happened in GA and he fled into AL that the police report would have to have been filed in GA (I later found out that a SR-13 is by no means a police report and more of a civilian witness report). So I thank him, and get back on the road.
The next day I contacted FedEx and a few days after that I was being transferred between a couple different people. I finally got connected with a regional manager who said he would look into it for me. About a week passes, I email him for an update, He responds saying they're still looking for the driver (Note: I've already given them Licence# and Truck# including a pic from the dashcam). He says he'll contact me inside of two days. Another week passes. I email again, he says they're still looking, and I inform him that I really don't care who the driver is that I just want my car fixed. Two more weeks pass of them giving me excuses and I call them out saying it's been over a month. Magically they find out the location of the driver and connect me with his manager. I catch the manager up with the story over the next few days. He asks to see the video. I tell him I can upload it to a google drive and give him access. He says that's fine. I tell him to give me a week to get the video from a backup drive out of state (I was in the process of moving the week he asked) and to let me edit it to a reasonable size and I'll upload it. A week goes by and I upload it.
Now this is where it gets really shady. Get an email from him a few days later, in short it reads "Hey, Having a problem opening the video, can you send it on a flash drive?". I reply "Sure, In the meantime can you explain why you can't see the video and I'll try to fix it on my end". Well I get home and check the google drive...low and behold in the drive history I can see where the mother fucker deleted the files and then restricted his own access to view only. I sent an email asking why he did this and reuploaded everything in every imaginable format so he can't use that excuse again. I guess he assumed I didn't have another backup and wanted to hide the evidence and sweep this under the rug.
So is this lawyer time? Do I need to go ahead and report it to my insurance? (I told FedEx I'd let them fix it without getting Insurance involved, but that is about to go out the window). I have everything documented but I don't know what my next step needs to be. Thanks!
You can't make copies of digital files, right?
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Jul 10, 2017 15:12
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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Sounds like the dude got sideswiped. If he's getting this much run around he should just turn the whole thing over to his insurance company who has the PIs/lawyers to make Fed-Ex straighten up and fly right. That's one of the main reasons you pay them.
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Jul 10, 2017 15:30
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- Danaru
- Jun 5, 2012
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何 ??
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There's an amazing amount of people on /r/legaladvice that try not to get insurance involved, even with video proof that they're not at fault. It's like the equivalent of /r/relationships' "I don't want to break up with them though"
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Jul 10, 2017 15:39
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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My [29/F] friend [26/F] is pressuring me to let her move into my home, but I don't want her to for various reasons, some of them sexual, which she's trying to guilt me over.
top comment posted:So, in other words, there's a dumpster on fire at your doorstep and you want to know if you should roll it inside?
I (30F) changed into a Stepford wife, no longer happy with my marriage but I think it's basically my fault.
quote:My husband (35M) and I have been together for ~4 years. We have 1 young child together.
I'm not happy in my marriage anymore and I think it's mostly my fault. I changed a lot over the last few years, especially since becoming a mother, and my husband is the same guy he has always been. When we were dating we were sexually adventurous, had threesomes and poly relationships, and basically lived a party life while maintaining respectable, professional jobs.
I loved that my husband didn't judge me for being very sexually adventurous, as other men had, and he didn't expect me to have a traditional housewife role. He didn't care if I cooked or cleaned and was fine with having a messy house and eating a lot of takeout.
But as I've gotten older and become a mother I find myself strongly desiring a more traditional lifestyle. I don't have any interest in sex with other people outside our relationship, and I want our house to be clean and comfortable, and I want to eat healthy, nutritious food.
My husband appreciates all the cooking and cleaning I do, but it's not important to him and he doesn't help out. I am growing more and more resentful that I can't motivate him to do basic cleaning tasks around the house -- it's not like I enjoy cleaning either, but I really want our child to grow up in a nice home.
I also had to stop drinking and using all recreational drugs when I got pregnant, and I never started again. My husband still, in my opinion, drinks to excess, and occasionally likes to go out and take drugs with his friends. When he does this I get very angry with him, and his response is that I have the freedom to take a night off from parenting and do the same if I choose to.
I feel like we have really grown apart and have very little in common these days outside of managing a shared household. I don't feel very close to him or emotionally connected. I don't look forward to spending time with him. When we have long periods of time together, like car rides, we don't talk anymore. We each put on headphones and listen to podcasts or audiobooks. In fact, sometimes we'll each independently put on the same podcast, but listen to it separately -- when I noticed this it seemed symbolic of the rest of our lives. We are so separate these days.
Our sex life is ok, our finances are in good order, and we get along (very well) with each other's families.
We went to counseling about a year ago and things improved marginally for a very short time, but we ran out of things to talk about with the counselor and the improvements disappeared quickly.
What do I do? Do I stay in this marriage I feel indifferent to? I miss feeling in love. But I don't want to tear my family apart.
tl;dr: I changed into a Stepford Wife and resent my husband for not changing with me. Not his fault, but I'm unhappy and don't know what to do.
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Jul 10, 2017 17:08
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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I (30F) changed into a Stepford wife, no longer happy with my marriage but I think it's basically my fault.
"My husband is a lazy manchild. Is this my fault?"
Aside from the cleaning thing, I don't see how he's a manchild. I think she convinced herself "Well I have a child now, I must be Mature" and to her, Mature means staying at home and not having fun anymore. Her husband offered to let her have nights off from parenting and go party if she wanted.
I dunno, most of her story is "I'm not as wild and crazy as I was in my 20s!" and it's like...well, yeah, no poo poo? You're married and have a kid now.
Husband should definitely help out at home more.
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Jul 10, 2017 17:12
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- Clark Nova
- Jul 18, 2004
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Setting aside payouts, I'd like to see the fedex driver face criminal charges for attacking someone with a goddamn truck then fleeing the scene, but that will probably never happen because of US car culture.
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Jul 10, 2017 17:13
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- Dienes
- Nov 4, 2009
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dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
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College Slice
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Aside from the cleaning thing, I don't see how he's a manchild. I think she convinced herself "Well I have a child now, I must be Mature" and to her, Mature means staying at home and not having fun anymore. Her husband offered to let her have nights off from parenting and go party if she wanted.
I dunno, most of her story is "I'm not as wild and crazy as I was in my 20s!" and it's like...well, yeah, no poo poo? You're married and have a kid now.
Husband should definitely help out at home more.
Her husband is offering her a couple nights to go do something she doesn't want to do (drugs and loving new people) in exchange for him not contributing to the parenting or household chores at all. Its like when a guy tells his straight girlfriend "Let's open the relationship, but we can only sleep with women!"
He doesn't need to become some straightedge overnight, but having a kid and a spouse does tend to mean putting someone ahead of yourself.
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Jul 10, 2017 17:18
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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not contributing to the parenting or household chores at all.
I searched through the comments and found this from the OP:
quote:I just want to clarify a few things. First, we didn't and won't ever live in filth. The cleaning issues are more things like: keep all surfaces clear and wipe down with a cloth every day; put dishes straight into dishwasher instead of piling up for a few days; laundry every 1-2 days instead of every 1-2 weeks. And the recreational drugs aren't like shooting up heroin, more like getting together with his friend who has an Adderall prescription and taking Adderall and smoking weed and drinking whiskey while playing video games. I think it's kind of immature and lame, but I wouldn't leave him over that issue specifically.
I understand your point about me going out too, but I don't think it really solves anything if I make a point of going out each time he does just to keep score. He does spend time with our child when I ask him to or when I have to work late or when I have actual plans.
So it turns out he's actually doing pretty okay in this area, and it seems like they just need counseling to figure out how to communicate better.
Also, to me, that "wipe all surfaces down every day" chore is like OCD level cleaning. Maybe once a week.
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Jul 10, 2017 17:22
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Doing laundry every day or two? I know kids are dirt magnets, but that seems like a bit much.
That made me look through OP's history for more, and:
UPDATE: I (30F) changed into a Stepford wife, no longer happy with my marriage but I think it's basically my fault.
quote:EDIT TO ADD: TO EVERYONE COMMENTING AND SENDING ME PRIVATE MESSAGES TELLING ME THAT I'M SPOILED BECAUSE I DON'T WORK: I HAVE A DEMANDING AND SUCCESSFUL FULL-TIME JOB. I WORK AS MANY OR MORE HOURS THAN MY HUSBAND AND AM AN EQUAL CONTRIBUTOR TO OUR FINANCES. SHAME ON YOU FOR ASSUMING THAT, BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN, I DON'T WORK.
Original post. tl;dr: I changed into a Stepford Wife and resent my husband for not changing with me. Not his fault, but I'm unhappy and don't know what to do.
I did not expect to be posting back so soon, especially because I didn't do anything. But I think my husband was also feeling the distance and the tension between us. Today, I snapped at him over a minor household issue, and he asked to be alone in our office for a while.
While he was in there, he reorganized the entire office -- a massive project -- and took care of filing about a year's worth of paperwork that had just piled up. He paid some bills that were my responsibility out of his personal account (we use the his/hers/ours system for our finances). And he balanced my retirement portfolio, a project I've been putting off for way too long because it stressed me out. Then, he went out to pick up some dinner, and over dinner we talked about a family vacation we want to take together soon, which he offered to plan and pay for.
As soon as he walked out of our house to pick up dinner, I broke down in tears. I think it was just the realization that he has his own way of showing he loves me, and sometimes I get so absorbed in my own thoughts and feelings, and so burdened by the weight of my responsibilities, that I don't even notice how much he does.
Anyway, sorry this isn't a more dramatic update. I can see now that my husband and I need to work more on connecting with each other, but we are both still in it to win it. And even though he sucks at showing it some times, I know he loves me and is devoted to our family.
tl;dr: My party animal husband balanced my retirement portfolio for me and it was the wakeup call I needed to realize he does love me and we can get through this rough patch.
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Jul 10, 2017 17:26
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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Sorting things out like normal people? Where's the fun in that?
Good for them. That's definitely an example where the relationship can and should be salvaged.
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Jul 10, 2017 17:29
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 12, 2024 07:53
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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Setting aside payouts, I'd like to see the fedex driver face criminal charges for attacking someone with a goddamn truck then fleeing the scene, but that will probably never happen because of US car culture.
What does this even mean? Is there a Castle Doctrine for hit and run?
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Jul 10, 2017 17:29
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Jul 10, 2017 04:22
