A Wizard of Goatse posted:

even reddit knows this guy's slime and is telling her to take him to the cleaners, she's just scared to ask for what she's owed all around

I [16M] am caught into an argument between my two sisters [24F&25F]. My sister boyfriend [27M] is this really high end chef and my other sister wants him to cook for free at her wedding. The bride is blaming me.

ArbitraryC posted:

Do they really think the reason people cheat and lie about it is to protect their partner's feelings rather than the much more obvious "to avoid consequences for my actions".

Haifisch posted:

None in the /r/relationships thread, but he also posted in /r/polyarmory and:

quote:

My girlfriend is visiting her father, so she's out of state right now. Out of the blue, she asked me if I could send her a copy of my military ID for her father to use to try and get military discounts.
I'm active duty military, and I think this is a terrible idea. First of all, it's a security risk. Second of all, I don't think it's ethically right. He did not serve, and I don't want him using my name or the military's image to try and be cheap.
I explained this to her, and she thinks I'm being dumb. I'm just trying to get her to understand that I don't think it's ethically right. I'm now getting the silent treatment. We've been dating for 2 years, and I was hoping we were past the point of silent treatments.
Anyone have any advice on how to approach this?
tl;dr: Won't let girlfriend's dad use my ID for military discounts. She gets mad. What do?

quote:

My husband is a former military officer who left the military after 10 years of service and went into civilian work.
My husband had previously expressed an interest in early exposure to physical fitness and military training for our son to better prepare him for life but I said I wasn’t ready for that. My husband for his credit, wanted to start as early as 8 but I convinced him to wait until he was a little older so he had more time to grow but I still think 12 is way too early.
While I have no problem with the military, I had a problem with regimenting our son so much. I was raised in a fairly free-flowing household and my parents never really exacted that much regiment or schedule or structure in our lives and let us do stuff within reason. My parents were hippies and his father was a career military officer and family was military.
My husband has my son on an exercise, nutrition and a firearms training program he came up with. My son no longer has any free time outside of school, schoolwork and these programs and my husband only allows him to see friends or have breaks on Sundays.
He no longer does any clubs at school or sees his friends any other times then once a week on Sundays. My husband picks him up at school every day, brings him home, sits him at the dinner table where he does his school work, does an hour of exercise before eating, getting 30 minutes of TV or computer games and then bed. My husband makes him do 45 minutes of calisthenics and running in the mornings too. My son is up at 5AM every day to run with his Dad and is in bed every night by 9PM at the latest.
Saturdays my husband takes him to the firing range where he instructs him. I tried to tell my husband to wait until my son was older especially for the firearms but my husband basically said no and took him anyway.
I don’t think it’s healthy for a 12 year old to be so regimented or exposed to guns, but I don’t know how to bring up my concerns with my husband. My son complains a little bit about the exercise and the wake up/lights out times but seems fine with everything else..
Is this healthy for my son? Do I try and do anything? I tried talking with my husband about it but he shut my out and said its for his own good and his son needs to be ready to face the world and its problems and I don’t know how to effectively bring up my concerns about it.
tl;dr - my son is in a training regiment that my husband has put together and is being taken out of any sort of “recreational” activities I think are good for him. My husband cares about my son but I think he’s being too controlling with this

quote:

I joined the USMC out of highschool in 2000 and served until 2006. Enlisted in infantry and ultimately made my way to the middle east during our ongoing war in Iraq and AF.
After all of this was over, I packed away anything I had of it and swore away from any violence unless it was deemed necessary.
I have a nice career now and life seems great. I met her about 2 1/2 years ago through a school program I needed to further my career.
She's one of the nicest most sincere and realistic woman I've ever met and we would do everything together. Somehow service never came up because I've done much more than that since and its all but irrelevant at this point.
Anyway, We start dating and she ultimately moves in to my home. Upon asking her to move some stuff in the garage, she comes across my box with photographs, medals, and other souviners I've collected during my service.
Upon quizzing me about it, I obviously admit seeing its no big deal. She then freaks on me and calls me all kinds of nasty names. Generally shows an incredible disgust for me, like I killed her dog.
She now doesn't want to speak with me and has been giving me the cold shoulder for the past two days.
I ask, what should I do? I don't think I've done much wrong and if she ever asked or brought it up, id proudly say I served. I'm not leading some double life or ever tried to keep it a secret. I believe it may be that she doesn't know exactly what I've done there and assumes the worst but I really have no clue.
Tldr- girlfriend found my military paraphanalia and thinks I'm a disgusting person.

Viva Miriya posted:

lol at the girlfriend in that last one, she's a retard

So is the dad in the middle one though. Fucks he tryna do there.

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

on reflection i think the last one must be fake because the idea of a recently separated former marine who doesn't go around hooting about how he was in the marines orrah just doesn't sound plausible.

Viva Miriya posted:

what branch were you in because lol that you believe this

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

my military background.

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

i'll give you a hint it's the worst, gooniest one.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Viva Miriya posted:

navy

Warbadger posted:

Chair force.

Viva Miriya posted:

navy

quote:

I will keep this as short as possible. A few years ago I applied to my country's air force to be a pilot, knowing that the odds of me actually getting in were extremely small. I first applied a few months after meeting my gf, Amy.
I've gotten further in the application process than I thought I ever would, and soon I will be doing a few tests in another city. If I pass these tests then me getting into the air force becomes a somewhat realistic possibility but if I fail it's done. My girlfriend is freaking out about this and told me that if I get into the air force she would have to leave me.
Honestly I don't blame her, if I do become an air force pilot I will most likely have to live near an airfield in the middle of nowhere in this vast country. Well before she had this freak out I expected this to happen, and I can't expect her to uproot her life for me to follow my dream. She even said she would not mind following me if it was to a decent sized city. She said she wants a man with a stable job in a normal city and that she made this clear to me, which to be fair she did, and she wants to raise a family in a stable environment, something the military may not guarantee.
My question is the basic age old dilemma: career or love. I am truly in love with this girl and I see myself getting married and raising a family with her. However, being a pilot in the air force is my dream but now she has me second guessing it. Every year there are thousands of applicants for about 100-120 pilot positions and I feel like it would be crazy to turn the offer down if I ever got one.
I also forgot to mention that I got let go from a typical office job recently which I absolutely hated and in the heat of the moment i told her I would never be happy with an office type job, even though I have a business degree and I am limited to those kind of jobs. That is what partially caused her freak out, and later on I told her that if i don't get in the air force I'm sure that I will find a career I can enjoy and that my rant about office jobs was when I was emotional about losing my job.

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

You know how slavery apologists say the Confederacy formed over "States Rights?" But everyone knows people don't propose to radically alter a working arrangement for an abstraction, so it immediately makes you ask "States rights to do what?"

When someone proposes opening the relationship, it's never, ever a proposition that just sprang up as an abstract idea about how the relationship should work. They have a very specific "to whom" already in mind. And maybe in body.

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

My (31m) girlfriend (25f) of two years "uncovered" my military background. Says she's mortified of me and won't discuss.

nerd plus rage posted:

lol @ the marine trying to defend his pointless gay branch against the mean people in the R/Relationships thread.

nerd plus rage posted:

lol @ the marine trying to defend his pointless gay branch against the mean people in the R/Relationships thread.

Pvt.Scott posted:

What if we get into a littoral conflict? Who's gonna be laughing about the Marines then?

Anony Mouse posted:

How do you go 2 1/2 years knowing someone without ever getting into their life between the ages of 18-24, one of the most formative, interesting, and eventful periods of a person's life? They're both garbage people, her for being so closeminded and completely incurious about her partner's history, and him for being such a socially and/or emotionally stunted closed book that he never volunteered this information.

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

You know how slavery apologists say the Confederacy formed over "States Rights?" But everyone knows people don't propose to radically alter a working arrangement for an abstraction, so it immediately makes you ask "States rights to do what?"

ArbitraryC posted:

He posted an update and yeah she totally thought he was a babykilling monster because she's an idiot and after they talked about his stories he lost it sank in that he did in fact not murder children for sport.

Why it never came up before then is a bit confusing i guess but i mean maybe he just didn't want to talk about it and she never asked, sounds like they started dating when he was ~29 so it's possible she never really asked him about his college life.

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

i'm with the girlfriend on this, imagine the horror of realizing you'd been unwittingly dating a marine

cumshitter posted:

Anyone citing states rights as the reason for the CSA seceding is also wrong. One of the main complaints Southern states had was that the federal government wasn't doing enough to enforce federal fugitive slave laws in Northern states.

ArbitraryC posted:

He posted an update and yeah she totally thought he was a babykilling monster because she's an idiot and after they talked about his stories he lost it sank in that he did in fact not murder children for sport.

Why it never came up before then is a bit confusing i guess but i mean maybe he just didn't want to talk about it and she never asked, sounds like they started dating when he was ~29 so it's possible she never really asked him about his college life.

quote:

We've been seeing each other for a few months, but last night was the first time we went back to his place. We went into his bedroom and fooled around. It was dark, so I could really see it then, but when we started cleaning up, he turned on the lights and there it was.
He noticed me staring at it and explained that he brought it with him to NYC to remind him of home. He's originally from the south and moved here for law school, and he said it was a way for him to remember his southern roots and his family. I tried not to think about it again, but I don't know how comfortable I am with his explanation. I know that he has a number of friends that are minorities, so I feel pretty confident saying that he's not racist. However, he does occasionally make some comments that are a bit off. They're not really racist just a bit insensitive.
I just wonder if I should view this as a red flag and get out. I know that he views this as part of his history and heritage, but I guess it bothers me that he refuses to see how anyone could see this as a symbol of racism/oppression (we talked some about the SC flag controversy).
tl;dr: Guy I've been dating has a confederate flag on his wall to remind him of home (i.e. the south). He seems normal and not racist, but I question whether I should take this as a huge red flag and get out.

quote:

My husband and his family have lived in state of GA, which is where we live currently, since the 1730s. They very much have their roots in the land (so to speak). I say this because as long as I have know my father-in-law he has always took great pride in this, as well as the part their family played in the American Civil War. I've never been comfortable with this (mainly because of his personal views about the war), but it's not my place to tell him what to do or how to think.
Our oldest son just recently (last week) had his 10th birthday and FIL decided to pass on to him a confederate flag that has been in their family since the 1920s. It was originally woven/created by one of his great(?)-grandmothers, so there is some quite obvious sentimental value attached.
This all happened at the party, so neither husband nor I had any idea FIL was planning on giving this gift to our son. I mentioned to FIL afterwards that I was surprised and not entirely comfortable with the gift, but he was adamant about it being past time our son learned about their family's legacy/heritage. I didn't exactly know what to say and didn't want to cause a scene, so I let it go.
The problem is that FIL expects our son to mount the flag on his wall. He apparently spent a lot of money to have it framed for that reason and was very upset when he found out yesterday that we had not put it up on our son's bedroom wall yet. He was very pushy (going so far as to accuse my husband of "letting liberals in SC and other outsiders run you life") with my husband, and now my husband thinks we should just let his father have his way because it is easier than causing a family dispute over it.
I told my husband that I was not okay with this because I thought displaying it would send the wrong message to our son. I definitely think he should know his family's history. I even think it would be okay for him to keep the flag, but I don't think he should glorify some of the things they did. Husband, for his part, doesn't so much care about the history/heritage part as just getting his father off of his back. I can understand the pressure he feels to make his father happy, but I don't think this is a situation where we should compromise. He has suggested we put it up whenever his father is over, but again, I think that would be sending the wrong message to our son (i.e. glorifying the confederacy). Maybe I should reconsider? I think I am right in principal, but I don't know if I should try to compromise to keep my husband and his father happy. It also doesn't help that most everyone else in the family will probably support FIL's position.

quote:

Me and the GF have a lot of history together, and things have been rocky at times but overall they've been pretty good. Things were great before she went away, but she's made some poor life decisions that have landed her a fairly lengthy sentence of around six years.
The trial itself has been rough. I've been to all the visitations, put money into her commissary, and talk to her fairly frequently on the phone. She's been in there since May of last year, and we held out for hope until a couple months ago when she finally got sentenced, and we knew for a fact she'd be going away for awhile.
It was after that that we basically had the talk. She understands that there are certain needs she's just not able to meet anytime soon. She ostensibly encouraged me to see other people, to "take opportunities when they come up." She knows I've only been with three other women, and that she has been my only serious relationship, and really doesn't want me to hold out for her sake.
We both know that just having sex without attachment is a fool's errand. Basically her rules are don't get with her friends, and if anything serious develops to let her know.
I really love her, and truly believe her when she says I'm going to go out there and not find anything better than what we had together. But at the same time, I don't want her to come out of prison in a few years to a guy that's been sexless, lonely, and miserable for years on end.
That all seems well and fine, but herein lies the problem. The few women I've talked to over this time are immensely turned off by me having a girlfriend in prison. I'm pretty forthcoming with this information fairly early on, because it feels pretty lovely keeping it a secret. But it's almost like I'm "not single" in all technicality.
So what should I do? Hold out on this information til later on? Is that fair to the women I may be getting involved with? I'm okay with NSA sex here and there but I'm not foolish to believe that it's really that easy, and I fully admit I'm the type to develop "the feels" fairly often after intimacy. I know this is unconventional but I could really use the advice.

Werong Bustope posted:

Edit: "It's bad to lie to your partner but I'm a good person so my lie must be virtuous."