Star Trek: *hits blunt* The higher, the fewerrrrrr

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > Star Trek: *hits blunt* The higher, the fewerrrrrr

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

VitalSigns posted:

Also a capability that would have come in handy so many times in other episodes.

But that episode also involved a mafia planet of perfect mimics without a native culture of their own who then constructed one entirely out of a book on the Chicago mobsters that someone left there, and Kirk coming in as the biggest badass kingpin of them all and taking over the planet in the name of the Federation in exchange for a hefty cut of GDP, so you could just chalk the whole thing up to an invention by James Kirk, biggest tall tale teller in the quadrant.

E: Sort of like Paris' "one time in the Delta Quadrant I revolutionized physics by going infinite speed, but then I turned into a salamander and hosed Janeway and salamander babies came out and one of the babies looked at me, and then we all swore never to reveal the secret of infinite speed, wish I could tell you how I did it, oh about me being a newt well I got better" story

One of the novels has an offhand 'We asked Kirk to report into HQ more frequently, he replied with some bullshit story about aliens stealing his first officer's brain, what a maverick."

# ? Jul 17, 2017 03:53

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# ? May 27, 2024 08:38

Cojawfee: May 31, 2006; I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius

I hope we get some sort of Red Squad story where the real crew mysteriously dies and whatever cadet is the leader of red squad, wrongly assumes again that he's now a real life commissioned officer and field promotes everyone. Then they go around to primitive civilizations and beam down with poo poo tons of replicated money to live like ballers for a couple weeks before moving to the next planet.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 04:35

shadok: Dec 12, 2004; You tried to destroy it once before, Commodore.
The result was a wrecked ship and a dead crew.; Fun Shoe

Cojawfee posted:

I hope we get some sort of Red Squad story where the real crew mysteriously dies and whatever cadet is the leader of red squad, wrongly assumes again that he's now a real life commissioned officer and field promotes everyone. Then they go around to primitive civilizations and beam down with poo poo tons of replicated money to live like ballers for a couple weeks before moving to the next planet.

DS9, season 6, episode 22.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 04:37

SomeMathGuy: Oct 4, 2014; The people were ASTONISHED at his doctrine.

shadok posted:

DS9, season 6, episode 22.

You have not experienced Star Trek until you have watched it in the original Klingon.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 04:40

Cojawfee: May 31, 2006; I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius

shadok posted:

DS9, season 6, episode 22.

I know, I want another one.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 04:42

VitalSigns: Sep 3, 2011

Tunicate posted:

One of the novels has an offhand 'We asked Kirk to report into HQ more frequently, he replied with some bullshit story about aliens stealing his first officer's brain, what a maverick."

That makes a ton of sense.

New Trek headcannon: Captain Kirk went down like a bitch on Veridian 4(3? who cares) because he was a supply captain and spent his entire career filling out requisitions for genetically engineered wheat on Starbase K7, everything we saw on screen was just the stories he told in the bar.

The only reason he came back from the Nexus with Picard in the first place is he was too embarrassed to admit he'd never been in a fight.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 04:50

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

VitalSigns posted:

That makes a ton of sense.

New Trek headcannon: Captain Kirk went down like a bitch on Veridian 4(3? who cares) because he was a supply captain and spent his entire career filling out requisitions for genetically engineered wheat on Starbase K7, everything we saw on screen was just the stories he told in the bar.

The only reason he came back from the Nexus with Picard in the first place is he was too embarrassed to admit he'd never been in a fight.

How do you explain the ones where other captains saw what he was up to?

# ? Jul 17, 2017 05:10

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

Sash! posted:

How do you explain the ones where other captains saw what he was up to?

The captains were a hallucination of the autistic child shaking the snow globe.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 05:29

Cojawfee: May 31, 2006; I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius

Nessus posted:

The captains were a hallucination of the autistic child shaking the snow globe.

RED SQUAD! RED SQUAD! RED SQUAD! RED SQUAD! RED SQUAD!

# ? Jul 17, 2017 05:49

8one6: May 20, 2012; When in doubt, err on the side of Awesome!

Tunicate posted:

One of the novels has an offhand 'We asked Kirk to report into HQ more frequently, he replied with some bullshit story about aliens stealing his first officer's brain, what a maverick."

"Admiral, we have another log update from the Enterprise."
"Oh, what the gently caress is it now? Another energy being? Aliens took the ship to warp eleventy? Space mobsters? Space Nazis? Space Amish?"
"Apparently they discovered a virus that made everyone drunk and their engineer accidentally discovered how to time travel."

# ? Jul 17, 2017 05:57

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

8one6 posted:

"Admiral, we have another log update from the Enterprise."
"Oh, what the gently caress is it now? Another energy being? Aliens took the ship to warp eleventy? Space mobsters? Space Nazis? Space Amish?"
"Apparently they discovered a virus that made everyone drunk and their engineer accidentally discovered how to time travel."

That sounds like a great coverup for a really wild party.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 06:16

spincube: Jan 31, 2006; I spent so I could say that I finally figured out what this god damned cube is doing. Get well Lowtax.; Grimey Drawer

"I was hoping to discuss the recent issue where one 'Reginald Barclay' apparently 'de-evolved' into some kind of ... spider? ... but your CMO said something about 'grandma alien sex ghosts'. Can I please speak to someone with authority? Is the Captain there?"

# ? Jul 17, 2017 06:57

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

Tunicate posted:

One of the novels has an offhand 'We asked Kirk to report into HQ more frequently, he replied with some bullshit story about aliens stealing his first officer's brain, what a maverick."

# ? Jul 17, 2017 07:09

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

"Look kid, every new officer who comes to Internal Security thinks they're the first person to think of beaching anyone who's had their mind fiddled with. Now I can run through the numbers with you myself if you want, but long story short, half the fleet would be uncrewed within a year. Think about that for a minute."

# ? Jul 17, 2017 07:17

Pakled: Aug 6, 2011; WE ARE SMART

I like how in the DS9 Tribble episode, they acknowledged that time fuckery happens to Starfleet officers so often that they have a class at the Academy specifically for what to do if you get sent into the past.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 07:32

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

Temporal Fuckery is one of the most important Starfleet Academy classes, right next to Advanced Proto-Nazi Planets.

That said, how many Nazi planets will the Discovery crew encounter? 1? 2?

# ? Jul 17, 2017 07:40

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

And now recalling Trials and Tribble-lations with Temporal Investigations' job mostly consisting of grilling Starfleet officers on time travel shenanigans and griping about Kirk.

The Enterprise must be the Mike Tyson of space.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 07:46

Duckbox: Sep 7, 2007

If you told me every episode of Discovery would be weird time travel or Nazi planets, my enthusiasm would go way up.

Trek has been running from its cheesy roots for far too long, imo.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 07:47

Kazinsal: Dec 13, 2011

Gonz posted:

Temporal Fuckery is one of the most important Starfleet Academy classes, right next to Advanced Proto-Nazi Planets.

That said, how many Nazi planets will the Discovery crew encounter? 1? 2?

There was a little over 25 years between the peak of Nazism and TOS.

It's been a little over 25 years since the Gulf War.

I look forward (with a large bucket of popcorn and a heightened sense of :magical:

) to Discovery tackling the Jihad Planet.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 07:49

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

Kazinsal posted:

There was a little over 25 years between the peak of Nazism and TOS.

It's been a little over 25 years since the Gulf War.

I look forward (with a large bucket of popcorn and a heightened sense of ) to Discovery tackling the Jihad Planet.

Yeah, but even Enterprise had time traveling Nazi aliens loving with Earth's history. I don't expect this new show to buck the trend.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 07:53

Pakled: Aug 6, 2011; WE ARE SMART

You guys are looking at it all wrong, the Nazi planet and the gangster planet happened because Paramount had lots of appropriate sets and costumes lying around. If we wanna predict Discovery episodes, we just have to think of what materials CBS has an abundance of.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 08:01

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

Pakled posted:

You guys are looking at it all wrong, the Nazi planet and the gangster planet happened because Paramount had lots of appropriate sets and costumes lying around. If we wanna predict Discovery episodes, we just have to think of what materials CBS has an abundance of.

*gets internally hype for NCIS Planet*

# ? Jul 17, 2017 08:03

Jewel Repetition: Dec 24, 2012; Ask me about Briar Rose and Chicken Chaser.

Pakled posted:

You guys are looking at it all wrong, the Nazi planet and the gangster planet happened because Paramount had lots of appropriate sets and costumes lying around. If we wanna predict Discovery episodes, we just have to think of what materials CBS has an abundance of.

*what digital environments and objects they've already rendered

# ? Jul 17, 2017 08:05

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

Pakled posted:

You guys are looking at it all wrong, the Nazi planet and the gangster planet happened because Paramount had lots of appropriate sets and costumes lying around. If we wanna predict Discovery episodes, we just have to think of what materials CBS has an abundance of.

CSI: Risa? Hawaii 5-000? :c00l:

E: Angels and ministers of grace, defend us from Chuck Lorre Sitcom Planet

McSpanky fucked around with this message at 08:24 on Jul 17, 2017

# ? Jul 17, 2017 08:22

Pakled: Aug 6, 2011; WE ARE SMART

Honestly, if they ever gave Star Trek the Marvel treatment and started making tons of spinoffs on all sorts of different platforms, a Star Trek police procedural type show might actually be good.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 08:28

8one6: May 20, 2012; When in doubt, err on the side of Awesome!

Pakled posted:

You guys are looking at it all wrong, the Nazi planet and the gangster planet happened because Paramount had lots of appropriate sets and costumes lying around. If we wanna predict Discovery episodes, we just have to think of what materials CBS has an abundance of.

"captain, we're being hailed from an apartment that appears to only have three walls."

# ? Jul 17, 2017 08:29

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

8one6 posted:

"captain, we're being hailed from an apartment that appears to only have three walls."

In which Star Trek: Discovery becomes insanely popular, in the face of all common decency and logic.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 09:50

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Gonz posted:

in the face of all common decency and logic.

So par for the course for 2017?

# ? Jul 17, 2017 10:03

Winifred Madgers: Feb 12, 2002

Gonz posted:

Yeah, but even Enterprise had time traveling Nazi aliens loving with Earth's history. I don't expect this new show to buck the trend.

Let's take it to the next level: time traveling Nazi alien robots.

Edit: I just realized that's more or less the Daleks.

Winifred Madgers fucked around with this message at 13:30 on Jul 17, 2017

# ? Jul 17, 2017 13:28

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

You're going to see Starfleet officers running around in the background of that godawful Big Bang Theory prequel

# ? Jul 17, 2017 13:44

Orv: May 4, 2011

FlamingLiberal posted:

...Big Bang Theory prequel

I give up.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 13:52

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

I saw a trailer for it before a movie yesterday and I wanted to die.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 14:05

Senor Tron: May 26, 2006

spincube posted:

"I was hoping to discuss the recent issue where one 'Reginald Barclay' apparently 'de-evolved' into some kind of ... spider? ... but your CMO said something about 'grandma alien sex ghosts'. Can I please speak to someone with authority? Is the Captain there?"

It's well established that there is a press in the time of the TOS movies and TNG era and I want more than anything to be able to read how various Starfleet shenanigans are reported.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 14:14

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

We've gone back in time to 2017 California and we need a team of engineers who know how Federation starships work to help us get back!

# ? Jul 17, 2017 14:16

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

FlamingLiberal posted:

I saw a trailer for it before a movie yesterday and I wanted to die.

Same except kill

# ? Jul 17, 2017 14:25

Cojawfee: May 31, 2006; I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius

The Bloop posted:

Same except kill

No kill I

# ? Jul 17, 2017 14:53

Winifred Madgers: Feb 12, 2002

FlamingLiberal posted:

You're going to see Starfleet officers running around in the background of that godawful Big Bang Theory prequel

Would that be the Big Brane Theory? :haw:

# ? Jul 17, 2017 15:41

GET IN THE ROBOT: Nov 28, 2007; JUST GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI

Yesterday I went to a con and for the first time ever, actually met some actors from Star Trek! I got to meet LeVar Burton and Brent Spiner. I was going to have them sign my TNG Blu Rays, but then someone was like "You know, you can just buy signatures online, but you can't buy pictures." And I was like "do I really want to spend $100 to get these guys to sign my Blu Rays?"

Also hilariously, my picture of LeVar has double the facebook likes and he had a huge line. Meanwhile Brent Spiner had no line at all. No love for Mr. Data I guess.

edit: it's probably because non-nerds might know Levar from Reading Rainbow and Roots, while Brent Spiner was in, uh... Independence Day I guess?

GET IN THE ROBOT fucked around with this message at 16:00 on Jul 17, 2017

# ? Jul 17, 2017 15:58

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Gammatron 64 posted:

edit: it's probably because non-nerds might know Levar from Reading Rainbow and Roots, while Brent Spiner was in, uh... Independence Day I guess?

Lots of people love LeVar from their childhood from Reading Rainbow, yes, and that's probably what the deal was, but.... non-nerds at cons? :raise:

# ? Jul 17, 2017 16:04

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# ? May 27, 2024 08:38

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Nerds come in many forms, and believe it or not many of them have not watched and are not interested in Star Trek.

# ? Jul 17, 2017 16:06

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