Pick posted:

She's doing what she can. Maybe she'd feel better if she realized a lot of parents genuinely don't like their kids either. She's not that strange.

quote:

One of those bad ones was a man who (while I was in a facility - self-admitted - for suicide watch), when I said to him "I feel like my friends would be better off if I died" and he said "maybe they would be." (Among other things). I ended up lying that I felt better just so he'd clear me to leave the facility because he was worsening my mental state.

quote:

My boyfriend Aaron is very forgiving of others, which in some ways is a good quality, but I think he takes it too far. I'm all for working things out and not cutting people off for petty things, but if someone is constantly causing me a problem, I don't see why I should be kind and helpful to them anymore. I don't get involved when I think my boyfriend is being too forgiving because it doesn't affect me and if Aaron wants to waste his time on someone who doesn't deserve it, that's his problem. But he argues with me when I don't do this and often accuses me of holding a grudge. Like when I quit a group I had been volunteering with, because I thought a lot of the people in charge were rude and disrespectful, and he said I should have stayed and tried to work it out with them. I'm not going to waste my time changing the culture of an organization when I'm not even required to be there. I found another group that does the same kind of work, so I feel like I solved the problem.

We got in a huge argument yesterday, because he was in the room when I got a phone call from a landlord about my ex-roommate, Angie, who had put my info down in her rental history. I can only assume she didn't think the landlord would actually check on this. Angie was a terrible person to live with. As an example, me politely asking her to clean up her dishes which had been sitting in the sink for three days turned into a huge fight where she got defensive and said that it wasn't her fault, and that I had left a dish out two months ago so I was a hypocrite, and she didn't say anything at the time because she was so nice. She yelled that it was so unfair, because I got home much earlier than she did, and that if I wasn't so lazy I could have just done them, and that I was an rear end in a top hat for asking for more money in exchange for doing the chores because she had credit card debt to pay and wahhh wahhh wahhh. This was pretty typical of Angie, and I became very stressed out, never knowing what would set off a fight.

If the person who called me had been someone renting out a whole apartment, I would have just said Angie paid her rent on time and didn't trash the place, but the woman was renting out a room in her house, so she would be actually living with my ex-roommate. So I told the whole truth, and when the woman asked if I would live with Angie again, I said absolutely not.

Aaron got very mad at me for doing this, and said it's okay not to want to live with Angie anymore, but that I shouldn't be sabotaging her chances of having a home somewhere else that had nothing to do with me. My argument is the woman asked me questions, and I answered. I didn't go on a smear campaign or make of stories about Angie to get her in trouble. If Angie ever expected me to help her with anything, she shouldn't have burned her bridge with me.

I'm tired of Aaron always getting on my case about why I didn't help this person, or why I won't visit this person, and how I hold grudges all the time, when most people would agree that my complaints about these people are reasonable. If he wants to be super forgiving that's on him, but how can I get him to back off when it's my problem?

tl;dr: My boyfriend is forgiving of others to the point where I think he has doormat tendencies, and gets mad when I don't do that.

pidan posted:

To be fair there's something called "mandatory reporting" where some professions are legally required to report suspicions of child abuse or neglect, and therapists may well be in that category.

Depending on how exactly the lady phrased her lack of care for the child, it's possible the therapist may have just been doing her job.

WampaLord posted:

My [24F] boyfriend [24M] of a year is so forgiving of people and accuses me of holding grudges.


This dude is a real piece of work. "Don't tell the truth about people being assholes, it might bring consequences back on them!"

WampaLord posted:

My [24F] boyfriend [24M] of a year is so forgiving of people and accuses me of holding grudges.

This dude is a real piece of work. "Don't tell the truth about people being assholes, it might bring consequences back on them!"

Haifisch posted:

Yeah, that kid's going to pick up on the fact that mommy doesn't love him sooner or later. It's just a question of how hosed up it'll make him.

maskenfreiheit posted:

Ham Sandwiches posted:

There a lot of lovely therapists based on the endless stories people have about their bad experiences that are posted in this very thread, and you should be able to make this simple observation, without wringing your hands and going "TO BE FAIR there are things called MANDATORY REPORTERS and its POSSIBLE she was doing her job"

If she was expressing the same sentiment she shared on reddit, which is what we have to go on, it seems overblown. Why are you inventing a scenario where the therapist was totally justified because they had to protect this 6 year old from their "not fully onboard" mom

CharlestheHammer posted:

To be fair every one of these posts also are made to be as flattering to the op as possible

Ham Sandwiches posted:

There a lot of lovely therapists based on the endless stories people have about their bad experiences that are posted in this very thread, and you should be able to make this simple observation, without wringing your hands and going "TO BE FAIR there are things called MANDATORY REPORTERS and its POSSIBLE she was doing her job"

If she was expressing the same sentiment she shared on reddit, which is what we have to go on, it seems overblown. Why are you inventing a scenario where the therapist was totally justified because they had to protect this 6 year old from their "not fully onboard" mom

CharlestheHammer posted:

To be fair every one of these posts also are made to be as flattering to the op as possible

pidan posted:

You could easily phrase "I don't love my child" in such a way that it could be interpreted to mean that the child is at risk of neglect. And from the therapist perspective, if she reports the authorities will figure out if help is needed. But if she doesn't report she might lose her job.

She could still be a bad therapist regardless, it's just weird that people zeroed in on that so much when this story easily allows another interpretation

Ham Sandwiches posted:

This lady really did go to a therapist to talk about this concern she had about not loving her child, and the therapist really did call CPS on her, which neither helped improve the situation, nor really improved the child's chances

And trying to rewrite that into "it could have been positive, you don't know" is some very bizarre stretch to me. Why is it so difficult to accept that this person probably performed their job poorly, as the OP relayed, and that this is not uncommon at all?

Ham Sandwiches posted:

This lady really did go to a therapist to talk about this concern she had about not loving her child, and the therapist really did call CPS on her, which neither helped improve the situation, nor really improved the child's chances

And trying to rewrite that into "it could have been positive, you don't know" is some very bizarre stretch to me. Why is it so difficult to accept that this person probably performed their job poorly, as the OP relayed, and that this is not uncommon at all?

Ham Sandwiches posted:

There are a lot of people that unironically believe this, that holding people accountable is like another form of ultimatums and lack of trust (in their capacity to not do it again?) or some crap

CharlestheHammer posted:

To be fair every one of these posts also are made to be as flattering to the op as possible

quote:

I'm sure it's common to provide a background to our relationship, but ours is fairly unique, and for fear of being outed, I would prefer some anonymity. I can tell you, we were a happy, young couple who thought the world of each other. However, our relationship was tested last April 2015 when law enforcement raided our home before the sun had risen. After one of the officers sat me down in his SUV, he asked if I knew why they were here.

"poo poo, they know about the pot, " I internally concluded in panic. For the love of God (which is saying something seeing how I'm Atheist), I wish that had been the case. No, I didn't know why they were there. No, I only use the Macbook. No, I didn't know they had a warrant to seize our electronics. NO, I didn't know who that young girl in the photo was...

By the time I should have been at work that morning, my husband was arrested for possession of child pornography.

Fast forward 11 months, and he accepts a plea bargain that would only earn him 18 months in prison, five years probation, oh and 25 years as a registered sex offender. He's approaching his second month of being incarcerated. The situation is that up until a few weeks ago I was by his side, but lately I've been questioning that decision. Unless someone can convince me that staying with a convicted felon who will re-enter society a sex offender is a good decision, I've come to the conclusion that divorce is necessary.

So, Reddit how do I break this to him? Despite his choices and the hell he's put us through, I still care about him. I just can't remain his wife. He hasn't earned phone privileges yet, so that leaves writing him a letter or telling him in person. The catch- if I tell him in person, it would be two weekends from now, and it would be the first time I visit him because my visitor application just came back approved. I'm torn because I don't want him to bear this crushing news while in prison, but on the other hand I don't want to give him false hope and lie about how I feel for the next 14 monthd. Help me.

tl;dr My husband went to prison for possession of child pornography, and I don't know how to tell him I'm filing for divorce.

pidan posted:

Do you understand that there's a difference between "this person performed their job correctly" and "this person had a positive impact on the situation"?

quote:

I've seen a few therapists for the last 4 years, but I've only broached this topic with one. I mentioned that I don't love him, that I don't want to be a mom, and that being a mother makes me miserable. She was curt with me, canceled our next appointment, and CPS showed up at my house a week later because someone had filed a report.

Haifisch posted:

I'm (30F) leaving my husband (26M) of four years, but I don't know what's the appropriate way to tell him because he's currently in prison.

"My husband is a pedo who got caught with child porn. How can I divorce him without hurting his feelings too much?"

Barudak posted:

Its even weirder than that because shes also hung up on if its even a socially acceptable thing to do as though People Magazine runs articles viciously attacking people who left their pedophile husbands.

Barudak posted:

Its even weirder than that because shes also hung up on if its even a socially acceptable thing to do as though People Magazine runs articles viciously attacking people who left their pedophile husbands.

Barudak posted:

He is currently suggesting places he already went. He needs to suggest places he hasn't. My spouse and I both traveled various places separately so when we got together we made a list of places that were new to both of us to check off first before doubling back on places one of us had been.

quote:

In late May, I tested positive for herpes simplex type one antibodies. I was prescribed 30 days of acyclovir (1 pill twice a day.) I took them accordingly, and eventually did more research and didn't take them as often. Maybe once a day or every other day. I know I should have stuck to what the doctor prescribed so yes Ill admit i was in the wrong. Now that I've run out, I haven't taken any in about a month. Prior to testing positive for it, I had never had any cold sore of any sort. I would sometimes get canker sores in my mouth from biting my lip or something, Im not sure if that's related to herpes or not. When doing more research, I realized that herpes wasn't as big of a deal as people made it out to seem and started to not be as upset over it and come to terms that my life wasnt over because I have herpes. My father also tested positive for herpes type one and has been with my mother for 20 years and she doesn't have it.

Now my main point. Ever since finding out, my boyfriend won't kiss me. He will still have sex with me and let me give him blowjobs, but no kisses. This has gone on since I was diagnosed. Three days ago though, a small bump appeared on my lip. It's not an open sore and is just a bump, but I'm not sure what else it could be. Now, my boyfriend won't even sleep in the same bed as me because i'm that "contagious." He says that i'm going to wipe my mouth on his pillow or sheet and then he's going to come in contact with it and he doesn't want that. I understand that he doesn't want to contract herpes. I mean who does? But, I feel that he's being ridiculous. He wouldn't let me sit on his bed unless I have my own blanket to sit on and he gave me my own pillow and changed the pillow cases and sheets on his bed. Then he told me that i can either sleep in the guest room or go home. We've been having sex and kissing and doing anything a normal couple would before I tested positive, and now he acts like he's scared to touch me. I've told him that I think he's being ridiculous and that it makes me feel like i'm some big disgusting radioactive ball of herpes.

I told him that i'm thinking about breaking up with him over this. I don't want the rest of my life to be like this. I know there's people out there who understand herpes and aren't super paranoid and realize that's it's not a huge deal. I don't want to lose my boyfriend over this though because I care about him more than anything. (or maybe I don't care about him at all because i'm being so careless about my herpes?) I'm not sure what to do. I requested a refill of acyclovir. But i don't think that's going to change wether he wants to kiss me or not. I just want a normal relationship. Do you think there's any way I can try and talk some sense into him and educate him more? or am I in the wrong?

TLDR; Boyfriend won't sleep in the same bed as me because he thinks he's going to get herpes from a pillow or blanket. Im not sure if he's being paranoid or im not being paranoid enough.

Haifisch posted:

Yeah, that kid's going to pick up on the fact that mommy doesn't love him sooner or later. It's just a question of how hosed up it'll make him.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Yeah, I looked it up after reading it and one of those simplexes is like 90+%

Ham Sandwiches posted:

"This person made a judgement call that was 100% about protecting themself from any possibility of problems down the road at the cost of putting their patient in harm's way by reporting them to CPS" to me is a failure of duty

Here is the OP's phrasing, notice how she carefully brings up the subject:


I understand that the argument can be made that they were just being careful, and that's why I find this kind of stuff so manipulative and lame. The therapist wanted to wash their hands of this and succeeded, while taking the moral high ground. A vulnerable person was exposed to the system for no particular gain. I think the therapist actually harmed this person, but I find it even more bizarre that people want to defend these actions as required or good faith on behalf of the therapist.

WampaLord posted:

My boyfriend [20M] won't sleep in the same bed as me [18F] because I have herpes.


Blowjobs? Totally cool.

Sleep in the same bed with me? GET OUT, YOU CONTAGIOUS WHORE!

ArbitraryC posted:

Aren't like the minor forms of oral herpes on like 90% of the population or something?

Ham Sandwiches posted:

There a lot of lovely therapists based on the endless stories people have about their bad experiences that are posted in this very thread, and you should be able to make this simple observation, without wringing your hands and going "TO BE FAIR there are things called MANDATORY REPORTERS and its POSSIBLE she was doing her job"

If she was expressing the same sentiment she shared on reddit, which is what we have to go on, it seems overblown. Why are you inventing a scenario where the therapist was totally justified because they had to protect this 6 year old from their "not fully onboard" mom

fruit on the bottom posted:

Pick you've been in this thread long enough to know that having a strong bond with your (therapy) horse merits a red flag.

Pick posted:

I've been in therapy off and on my entire life, and ONE therapist saved my life and made me want to be a fully-realized person, and that was my therapy horse Dominick.