shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

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Verisimilidude: Dec 20, 2006; Strike quick and hurry at him,
not caring to hit or miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges

# ? Jul 23, 2017 15:08

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# ? May 10, 2024 14:21

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Verisimilidude posted:

Wow. This is sad.
It's like saying you have an imaginary boyfriend who lives in Canada.
Alternatively, her nerd friend has feelings for her, and came up with this convoluted bot story to get her nudes.

Paladinus has a new favorite as of 15:13 on Jul 23, 2017

# ? Jul 23, 2017 15:10

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Paladinus posted:

Alternatively, her nerd friend has feelings for her, and came up with this convoluted bot story to get her nudes.

This is what my money is on and I think that would be a very safe bet.

# ? Jul 23, 2017 15:17

Comptroll The Forums: Apr 25, 2007; DON'T HURT MY FEE FEES!

Ladies, my forum account is now a bot that collects words and images from these forums to learn about true beauty.

Beep boop send nudes and tell me how horny you are. You know, if you consent. Uh... Boop... Beep?

# ? Jul 23, 2017 15:39

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

# ? Jul 24, 2017 00:25

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS 👥 - It's for your phone📲^TM� #ad📢

Goddam that kid is dumb

# ? Jul 24, 2017 00:37

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

quote:

Putting Themselves Into A Bit Of A Pickle
FAST FOOD, FINLAND | RIGHT | JUNE 9, 2017

(I�m the manager and my coworker comes and asks me to handle a cranky customer at the drive-thru.)

Me: �Hello, you were having some trouble, I hear. What can I do for you?�

Customer: *who is sitting beside the driver, making it really hard for me to hear her, especially since the driver is fidgeting and moving about* �Yeah, I�m fed up with getting pickles in my son�s burgers, even though I always order them without!�

(Ordering hamburgers without pickles is unfortunately very popular in my area. It slows things down in the kitchen, creates more wastage, and such customers are loathed all over town.)

Customer: *getting quite agitated now* �I demand to get some kind of compensation!�

Me: �Ma�am, I am truly sorry that we haven�t provided pickle-free burgers for you. Pickles are unfortunately part of the recipe and especially during rush hours they might slip through the kitchen staff�s fingers. However, since we�re not talking about any allergies��

(The customer is about to cut me off, but I won�t let her.)

Me: ��all our mayos contain the same sort of pickle and you have ordered extra of that. Besides, pickles are the only item we put in our burgers that are easily removed, unlike ketchup, cheese, or salad. I hope you understand that I cannot provide you with a huge compensation due to this. I am however willing to give you the extra mayo for free.�

Customer: *who now have adopted a more docile tone* �Well, can I at least get another hot cocoa for free?�

Me: �Certainly, ma�am, that I can do for you.�

(Best part � when I told my boss, she said that the customer in question had a few days earlier asked for a refund and compensation!)

# ? Jul 24, 2017 01:13

Joey Freshwater: Jun 20, 2004; Always playing with my meat; Grimey Drawer

I'm never getting pickles on my burger again.

Also what a boring loving story

# ? Jul 24, 2017 01:18

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

What really happened:

"God I hate having to make burgers without pickles." *writes Not Always Right story*

# ? Jul 24, 2017 01:20

Len: Jan 21, 2008; Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!

Wait mayonnaise has pickles in it?

# ? Jul 24, 2017 01:21

SneezeOfTheDecade: Feb 6, 2011; gettin' covid all
over your posts

Haifisch posted:

"All our mayos contain the same sort of pickle"

:stonk:

# ? Jul 24, 2017 01:22

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Sorry you loathe customers for ordering their burgers without your lovely pickles.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 01:26

EmmyOk: Aug 11, 2013

Bit late but making pops nicely is the dream tbh.

e: I'm living the dream btw

# ? Jul 24, 2017 02:07

SneezeOfTheDecade: Feb 6, 2011; gettin' covid all
over your posts

Cracked has a whole article full of user-submitted STDH today.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 02:13

Len: Jan 21, 2008; Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!

Besesoth posted:

Cracked has a whole article full of user-submitted STDH today.

I'm not sure I understand 15. He jumped into his tiny pool and the water somehow went super far? Water balloons?

# ? Jul 24, 2017 02:17

Kantesu: Apr 21, 2010

He's saying he tossed the dog poo back over the fence. Possibly into neighbor's pool.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 02:20

Len: Jan 21, 2008; Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!

Kantesu posted:

He's saying he tossed the dog poo back over the fence. Possibly into neighbor's pool.

That makes significantly more sense

# ? Jul 24, 2017 02:21

walrusman: Aug 4, 2006

Kantesu posted:

He's saying he tossed the dog poo back over the fence. Possibly into neighbor's pool.

Calling plausible on that one. My previous neighbors (probably their teenage son, if I'm allowed to stereotype) tested out the practice of flinging their poo poo into my yard, but it came to a halt when I started sending it back.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 02:35

ibntumart: Mar 18, 2007; Good, bad. I'm the one with the power of Shu, Heru, Amon, Zehuti, Aton, and Mehen.; College Slice

Len posted:

Wait mayonnaise has pickles in it?

Not unless you're doing it really wrong.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 02:46

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

Does anyone have a copy or a link to that story about a guy who goes to visit his internet crush in South America and through a series of ~wacky~ misadventures ends up jacking off next to her underage sister and gets thrown out onto the street with no money? It contains the ultimate stdh phrase, "And then I remembered ... Bitcoin!"

# ? Jul 24, 2017 03:09

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Moon Slayer posted:

Does anyone have a copy or a link to that story about a guy who goes to visit his internet crush in South America and through a series of ~wacky~ misadventures ends up jacking off next to her underage sister and gets thrown out onto the street with no money? It contains the ultimate stdh phrase, "And then I remembered ... Bitcoin!"

You're thinking of Brazil.txt

https://pastebin.com/ANGXu1mw

# ? Jul 24, 2017 03:11

Moon Slayer: Jun 19, 2007

Ahahaha, that's the one, thanks.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 03:32

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

Pickles are delicious but even so why the gently caress are there pickles in your loving mayonnaise

Also Brazil.txt doesn't belong here as I'm pretty sure every buttcoiner has for real jerked off on an underage brown kid at least once.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 05:53

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

This probably appeared in a previous iteration of this thread, but it just popped up in my life again, so I am sharing with all of you (again).

I think that's from an old Douglas Adams book.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 08:14

Zipperelli.: Apr 3, 2011; Nap Ghost

Holy hot drat I found the motherload: Reddit: That Happened

Every single one of these is STDH. Most are better than "today I hosed up" and NAR.

Current top post:

# ? Jul 24, 2017 10:45

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Zipperelli. posted:

Holy hot drat I found the motherload: Reddit: That Happened

Every single one of these is STDH. Most are better than "today I hosed up" and NAR.

Current top post:

I think I'm having a stroke

# ? Jul 24, 2017 16:38

oldpainless: Oct 30, 2009; This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS 👥 - It's for your phone📲^TM� #ad📢

Zipperelli. posted:

Holy hot drat I found the motherload: Reddit: That Happened

Every single one of these is STDH. Most are better than "today I hosed up" and NAR.

Current top post:

# ? Jul 24, 2017 17:01

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Zipperelli. posted:

Holy hot drat I found the motherload: Reddit: That Happened

Every single one of these is STDH. Most are better than "today I hosed up" and NAR.

Current top post:

I feel like that's cheating since they're deliberately looking for the most outrageous STDH they can.

quote:

Rule 1: Please post outrageously true stories that totally happened._{_{Do not post anything with a hint of truth. No news articles or LiveJournal type confession sites. If you're unsure if something totally happened or not, google it or do a reverse lookup.}}

# ? Jul 24, 2017 17:08

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Are Facebook and Tumble not Livejournal type confession sites?

# ? Jul 24, 2017 18:16

Stoatbringer: Sep 15, 2004; naw, you love it you little ho-bot

oldpainless posted:

Goddam that kid is dumb

Yeah, wouldn't Batman just send Alfred out to do the shopping?

# ? Jul 24, 2017 20:42

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

I feel like this or something similar was posted recently

principle

# ? Jul 24, 2017 22:06

THE BIG DOG DADDY: Oct 16, 2013; Rasheed was, with Aliases, the top 7 PvPers in Bone Krew.

No one talks about this.

Sounds like a huge bitch tbh

# ? Jul 24, 2017 22:11

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Everyone knows only poors listen to mainstream pop music.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 22:16

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Haifisch posted:

Everyone knows only poors listen to mainstream pop music.

She's going to drop his rating below 4.7 and make him not able to drive for them, so good job, duder! :thumbsup:

# ? Jul 24, 2017 22:19

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

The Snoo posted:

I feel like this or something similar was posted recently

principle

Why does the mom write like a 14yo? I want birth certificates!

# ? Jul 24, 2017 22:19

SneezeOfTheDecade: Feb 6, 2011; gettin' covid all
over your posts

Haifisch posted:

Everyone knows only poors listen to mainstream pop music.

and then the other person in the car stood up and clapped, and he was Albert Einstein.

# ? Jul 24, 2017 22:32

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

this dodge stratus is too classy for such dreck, milady.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 00:15

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

Haifisch posted:

Everyone knows only poors listen to mainstream pop music.

yikes

edit: oh god the profile picture

# ? Jul 25, 2017 00:59

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Besesoth posted:

and then the other person in the car stood up and clapped, and he was Albert Einstein.

Serious STDH. No marriage, nor was Albert given credit for his veterancy as an elite SEAL sniper.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 02:43

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# ? May 10, 2024 14:21

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

What convincing dialogue !

# ? Jul 25, 2017 09:13

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: I'm finding it very hard to immerse myself in the lie.

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