Comptroll The Forums posted:

No see, its so random that he just loves fruit and has to have it all the goddamn time. This is his personality quirk, carefully hand picked from the personality quirk database.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

things that happened: i found a really cute pair of anne taylor pants at the value village last week. they were petites and fit perfectly.

things that didn't happen:



"get a poop nicely"

Samizdata posted:

It is "Get a boob hickey".

/r/justnoMIL posted:

Hey there JUSTNOMIL,

I'm so happy I found this sub, I've been binging it for days during my freetime (read: at work). I want to post my own little bit, but figured an alt would probably be wise. I don't have many stories, because my wife was already quite out of touch with her mom.

So, like most people, my lovely wife was born to mother and a farther. They got divorced, mom remarried a woman, her dad (who is not a lunatic and thus not appearing here, just like DW's brother) another woman and all parties are happy. Except of course my wife, so she fled across the ocean to Europe and met me.

Now, the MILs (Mother in Law and Stepmother in Law, but they're more of a colony of awful than two separate persons), are full-on SJWs. No, not feminists, equality isn't good enough. Men must suffer. It's not racist if you hate white people (they're white). Straight people need to be discriminated against for revenge. I've learned new words like "ableism" (like racism, but against disabled people. Using stairs is ableism) and "neurotypical/allistic" (not having developmental or brain disorders) and "cis-gendered" (not being transsexual) and there exist about 35 genders, and how I need to check my privilege every other word. Some of these terms are good to know, others not so much.

For full disclosure: I'm white, european, male, cis, straight, neurotical, educated, healthy and big on equality. In other words, everything they hate.

Thankfully, they're on the other side of the ocean, so low-contact is the default state. Combined with my using facebook mostly for scheduling and not posting makes for a mostly-acceptable co-existance. My wife's also not a huge fan of her mothers, which helps.

So, a few events from the start of our relationship:
The introduction: When DW called her moms on skype, to introduce me, their first question was "Ohhh, that's so nice, what's their name?" So, attempting to break the ice, I replied "there's only one of me, but it's AgletLord. Nice to finally meet you!" That didn't go over so well. I was greeted by a simultaneous "Oh, it's a male" and "Ugh, whiteboy". I blink...uhh what?

BirthMIL starts lamenting, why she had to support the patriarchy by living with me (we weren't living together) and why she let me abuse her (WTF!). While I was staring dumbstruck, the other MIL took over with a rant about how she should have gotten a cat if she wanted company. I was slowly starting to think this must be either a weird joke, or some kind of test. The surprise must have shown, because one of them said: "Sweety, you don't need him (did you know you can use "him" as a swearword?), it's bad enough you're so NT (that's neurotypical) , you're embarrassing us by seeing a cis guy!"

That's when DW shooed me out of the room, and had a 45 minute long talk with her moms. Then a 2 hours long talk with me, about them, explaining the above. I thank the gods that there's a huge ocean between us.

The first time we meet:

Several months later, and profuse apologies from DW, ensuring me that they were just surprised, and "aren't usually that bad", we meet her parents at a big family get-together/vacation (because when we're flying halfway around the world, you bet we're staying more than a 4-day weekend).

DW introduces me to her whole family, and I get mostly accepted to the family. We talk about the usual things: works, hobbies, life abroad etc etc. And then the MILs join the conversation. Now, I promised my then-girlfriend I would try my best to make friends, and I was doing alright. Suddenly I find myself at a table with both MILs, backup nowhere to be seen. poo poo.

Ok, something harmless, think quick. "So, what do you do for a living?" WRONG!
"We don't believe in working to support the patriarchy like you! We'd spend our time enacting social change and not working for consumerist capitalist whitecismales".
Cringe, swallow, lie.
"Wow, that's great! where do you do that?"
"We don't accept any organisation telling us what to do. We use government funding to strike back at them!"
Right behind them, someone is mouthing the word Unemployed. I stare with my most pity-enducing face, but no rescue comes.
"Well, I work at a hospital, mostly in...". STRIKE 2.
"Ugh, you're so privileged! Nothing but men helping men and oppressing women nurses! There's nothing with the people society labels as sick, they just don't fit YOUR finger pointing at me idea of what someone should be"
My brain keeps telling me to stop talking, but my mouth isn't getting the message. "Well yes, my idea of healthy is not having broken bones, or tumours, or ruptured spleens. Besides, most of my coworkers are female" (Nope, STRIKE 3).
"How do you know what they identify as!" (And I'm out) "Because they loving call themself female you idiot! That's what normal people do! They tell you what they want to be called!"

There were some stares, but nothing blew up. The MILs just kept fuming in their little corner, while I used the moment to run towards normal people.

/r/justnoMIL posted:

Okay, so this is from probably 5 years ago, but I was just reminded of this story on /r/LetsNotMeet:

I was on the way home from doing our weekly grocery shopping and I stopped to get gas on the way home. Now, I'm a really big guy (seriously, like 6'6 and 320lbs like an NFL offensive lineman), so I don't always take all the necessary precautions to ensure safety because no one really wants to mess with me when there are other 'targets' around.

So I pull in, and only one pump is open at the station and its really pretty busy. I take the last pump and turn off my car and get out and start trying to get the pump working, but the little screen just keeps saying "See Attendant". Since there are no other pumps open, I walk over to the little booth in the middle of the gas station, like maybe 50 feet away and wait in line for a min or two while someone else pays. Once I get to the front of the line, I ask the attendant about getting gas and he says they've had problems with the 'pay at the pump' feature on that one and that I have to pay at the booth, and he stops mid-sentence and looks at me and points in the direction I came and says "Um, do you know that woman?" Not sure what he's talking about, I start to say "What woman?" as I turn around and I see an older woman with my car's rear door open and her head stuck in my car: the seat where my 9 month old (at the time) daughter was sleeping in her car seat.

I ran over to my car and immediately screamed, "What the gently caress are you doing lady?! Get the hell out of my car!" and I grabbed her arm and pulled her out with probably a lot more of my strength than was necessary and deposited her on her rear end in a hurry. My daughter was a champ at sleeping at that age and didn't even stir at the commotion, so I closed the car door and turned to face the woman right as the attendant came running over and the woman started screeching.

Before I can ask her what did she think she was doing, she turned to the attendant and screamed "Call the police, this man assaulted me!" The attendant looks at me and I nod my head slightly while my mouth is agape. The attendant returns to his booth to call them and I tell the lady not to get up in a calm voice, with a look in my eyes that conveys the fire of a thousand suns to make sure she knows I mean it. It only takes about 2 mins for a police car to arrive (since the station is only about 2 blocks away) and the cop gets out of his car and walks over to us.

Before I can say anything, the woman screeches that I assaulted her and threw her down on the ground and she wants to press charges and the cop looks at me and says "Is that true?" and before I can answer with my defense, the attendant runs back over and says "I saw the whole thing officer, this man walked away from his car to come to the booth and that woman walked over from that car over there (points to her car on the other side of the gas pump from mine) and just opened the back seat of his car and started to get inside next to the child!"

The cop's eyes go a little wild and he looks at me and asks "And then what happened?" I told him that I ran over and the woman appeared to be trying to look at the car seat to figure out how to unlatch the carrier (at that age my daughter was in one of the carrier seats with the latching base) and I was worried she was trying to take my daughter, so I pulled her out by the arm and she fell on her rear end on the ground and I suggested she stay there until you arrived, Officer. . ."

The woman finally got up and dusted herself off and looked at the cop like I was crazy. The cop asked her what exactly she was doing and the JNM poured right out of her mouth.

"I wasn't going to take your baby, he just looked so cute that I wanted to say 'hi' to him. My boys are too busy to give me grandbaaaaaaabbbbiiiiessss, one has been married to an evil woman for almost 10 years and she still won't have kids. She says she doesn't want them, but I'm sorry, what woman wants to get married and not have kids? It's that drat job of hers. She thinks she's hot poo poo because she's a doctor and my son is a teacher, so she doesn't want to take a break from her career to have any babies and it's killing him (citation needed). My other boy is so smart and handsome and he can pick any woman on the planet to be his wife, but he won't choose. He's always got 3 or 4 women he's seeing and no matter how much I tell him, he won't settle down and get married and have my grandbaaaaaaabbbbiiiiessss!"

At this point, the police officer looked overwhelmed at the pile of word-vomit that MIL had just thrown up in our general direction and he cut off her manifesto and said "Ma'am. . . MA'AM! I don't care if you think you're owed grandchildren from your sons, you can't go into strangers cars and interact with their babies without permission! Frankly, you're really lucky that this big guy only threw you to the ground and didn't straight up kill you. It must have taken immense restraint. I know if I were in his shoes, and I have a son about the same age, I would have shot you with my sidearm and I don't think anyone would have faulted me for it. You need to be much more careful when interacting with other people's children, and that includes your grandchildren if you ever have any, since those will be your sons' children, not yours."

The cop then ushered the woman back to her car and told her again to stay the gently caress away from loose babies and then came back to me to make sure my daughter was fine. Then he said "I'm not criticizing you, because I probably would have done the same thing, but this is why you need to lock your doors when you get out of the car, with or without kids in it. I've seen so many robberies, kidnappings, you name it that most would've been solved by simply locking their car doors while they pumped gas or ran inside to get a lotto ticket or whatever. Have a nice day, thank you for not killing that lady, that would've been a lot of paperwork. . . "

After that I always lock my doors when I get out of the car, even for 'just a second'. . . .

ghost emoji posted:

Frankly, you're really lucky that this big guy only threw you to the ground and didn't straight up kill you. It must have taken immense restraint. I know if I were in his shoes, and I have a son about the same age, I would have shot you with my sidearm and I don't think anyone would have faulted me for it.

Trash Boat posted:

Yep, this definitely sounds like a totally cool and rational thing an actual cop would say, 100%.

Zelder posted:

I got to the part where his brain was blown by the concept of ableism and peaced out

kimbo305 posted:

Stdh: reading the thread

Bertrand Hustle posted:

That last one with the "track marks" is hilarious because if that happened, that nurse could be fired. HIPAA violations are career ending.

Zipperelli. posted:

Of all the STDH in this thread, the track mark one didn't happen the most. gently caress, it's painful to read that poo poo being in the medical field. These people have zero knowledge of anything we do.

No, it's not a loving IV scar. Shut up.

Haifisch posted:

Also anyone who sees that many arms can tell the difference between what's normal and what's not.

Even if we pretend it's real and the story writer really had an 'IV scar', there's no way in hell the nurse/phlebotomist at a loving plasma center would confuse track marks with a single old IV scar.

Zipperelli. posted:

Of all the STDH in this thread, the track mark one didn't happen the most. gently caress, it's painful to read that poo poo being in the medical field. These people have zero knowledge of anything we do.

No, it's not a loving IV scar. Shut up.


2 things.

1. You spelled HIPAA right, so I'll give you more credit than i'll give most people (because idiots write HIPPA)
but 2. There are no HIPAA violations in that story. The closest thing I can reasonably see to being a violation is a loud nurse, however, being that the patient is in a seperate exam area, there is an attempt (however low effort it may be) being made at privacy, so there won't be any violations. This is how a lot of hospital ER's get away with having patients in a bed in the hallway with one of those large screen things. An effort has been made to protect the patient's privacy, so that's good enough.

Edit: But of course, this didn't happen anyways, so w/e.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

2. Wasn't that little window open? These made up stories are always so confusing. That kind of conversation should be happening in a private room, not at the front desk, which is not staffed by a nurse.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

1. Well, I'm a PTA (physical therapist assistant), so I'd bloody well hope I know what HIPAA is.

2. Wasn't that little window open? These made up stories are always so confusing. That kind of conversation should be happening in a private room, not at the front desk, which is not staffed by a nurse.

YA BOY ETHAN COUCH posted:

Trash Boat posted:

Yep, this definitely sounds like a totally cool and rational thing an actual cop would say, 100%.

Slime posted:

...4 foot is considered really deep to this person

Slime posted:

...4 foot is considered really deep to this person. That's kinda sad.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

things that happened: i found a really cute pair of anne taylor pants at the value village last week. they were petites and fit perfectly.

things that didn't happen:



"get a poop nicely"

quote:

A CHILLING BUCKET LIST
At first glance it seems adorable. In childish writing, in blue felt tip, the title reads: Summer Bucket List 2017. A little heart sits above the number 7. 
Then, in alternate shades of green pen, a carefully thought-out list of aspirations: ‘Tie a message to a balloon and let it go’; ‘pet a giraffe’; ‘have a lemonade stand with Zoe’.
Look closer, though, and it’s not so sweet. ‘Give 2 b***jobs’ reads one entry; ‘have sex’; ‘get drunk all the time’ (ominously already ticked)

Walton Simons posted:

Also, that's clearly green felt tip.

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

This probably appeared in a previous iteration of this thread, but it just popped up in my life again, so I am sharing with all of you (again).

Phosphine posted:

"Then, in alternate shades of green pen"

You seem to be in agreement.

Comptroll The Forums posted:

Actually, it's not.

Fight me irl

Trash Boat posted:

Well it couldn't have been the singer or both, seeing as how Freddie Mercury has been dead for nearly 16 years.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

good stuff op. what else you got.

brylcreem posted:

lol, he can only keep up the "my friend"-illusion for one paragraph.