Shai-Hulud posted:

Aw man now you tell me. Now I've already hosed up two kids. Third time's the charm i guess.

YeahTubaMike posted:

It seems likely that they're also just exercising their vocal cords a lot of the time. Still annoying as gently caress, whether or not it makes logical/evolutionary sense.

YeahTubaMike posted:

It seems likely that they're also just exercising their vocal cords a lot of the time. Still annoying as gently caress, whether or not it makes logical/evolutionary sense.

BioEnchanted posted:

We all know what children really are.

Catberry posted:

Had my daily reminder today when I saw a kid clutching a pillar inside a supermarket while laying on the ground. Using his legs to "run" while laying on his side he made sideways laps around the pillar while howling his lungs out because his mom wouldn't let him have something he wanted.

Like this but while clutching a pillar.



How we got to 6 billion people will never cease to amaze me.

Catberry posted:

Had my daily reminder today when I saw a kid clutching a pillar inside a supermarket while laying on the ground. Using his legs to "run" while laying on his side he made sideways laps around the pillar while howling his lungs out because his mom wouldn't let him have something he wanted.

Like this but while clutching a pillar.



How we got to 6 billion people will never cease to amaze me.

Samizdata posted:

Good thing people were patient when you were a wee one.

Non Serviam posted:

I can't wait for all of the stdh of the "child free" crowd to pop up in response to the oddballs here.

I get not wanting to have children, I'm not sure whether I want to do so myself, but to see the hatred towards the young of our species is so bizarre. "OMG THIS BABY MAKES NOISES!! #CHILDFREE FOREVER"

quote:

So I'm in McDonald's trying to enjoy my nuggets (save the eat healthy rants, I only had 20min for lunch) when this mother & son enter the restaurant. I was sitting close enough to the counter to be able to tell there was some sort of problem but not able to hear the details. Mommy was yelling and junior was throwing a fit (he was 5 if I had to guess). I don't mean just any fit, I mean a full on breakdown and the mother was doing NOTHING to stop him! In fact, from my vantage point it looked as if she was encouraging his behavior with a few high-fives. Well after several minutes they take their seat and of course select the booth beside mine. This is where I found out what the problem was...the kid wanted sweet & sour sauce and apparently they ran out. "Mommy he's got sweet & sour, I WANT SWEET AND SOUR!!!" He would throw his head as he screamed and then would shake towards the end as if he was shocked by his own anger. I'm doing my very best to not make eye contact but here she goes..."sir, can i trouble you for one of your sauce packets?" I said, "I don't have any to spare." To which she replied, "But you have 3 and have only opened 1." Now at this point I had only gotten thru half my nuggets so I knew I'd need another sauce packet but I didn't feel that I owed her an explanation so I just shrugged. No comment, just a shrug. This infuriated her! "My son will not eat his food without his favorite sauce, you are LIT-TURR-A-LEE taking food out of his mouth!" And once again, she got nothing but a shrug. Then her phone rings. Picks up and proceeds to talk poo poo about McDonald's and me to whomever is on the other end of the conversation. I ended up not using the 3rd packet and as I walk over to dump my tray into the garbage I hear her say "rear end in a top hat." I keep the packet from sliding into the trash, turn around and make direct eye contact with her, pull back the foil and turn it upside down letting it run into the trash. Her mouth hits the floor and I think junior could have spit fire he was so mad.

Not my finest moment but I regret nothing.

quote:

I own a house with a pool.

Recently, the community pool closed its doors and was bought by a new owner. Whatever the reason was, the guy has made it a private pool and only people who pay for his gym get to use it. Fine. But he also has a no kids rule.

This has caused a loving uproar in the neighborhood. But on my block, with its quaint little cul-de-sac and the mommies with their matching kids... it has made my backyard the hot spot. Because, dear Childfree, my house is the only one with a pool.

And the lady who lived there before me used to throw loving parties every weekend so the kids could swim. I have lived there for about six months, and have had no problems. I have a dog and a few cats, but no one came to pester me when it was cold. Minus the kids selling chocolates.

Now, everyone knows I am the owner. They all brought me food and welcomed me into the neighborhood. They talked about how sad it was Mrs. Former Own died. They talked about how wonderful she was and how they were sad to see her go.

But that was it. I was waved at sometimes, but because I had no kids and no husband, guess no one was interested unless they asked me to babysit. Upon which I claimed a busy schedule and went on my way.

But now that the pool is closed to kiddies, and it is hotter than Satan's ball sac... they want to be best friends. Some of them would knock and ask to use it. I said no.

But four weeks ago I came home to my dog lying on the front porch chilling. He is very good and I have often let him hang out out when I worked in the yard. But this time I hadn't let him out and always make sure the gate is latched. I head around the back, with Steinbeck following, and what do I see...

loving Mrs. Brownnoser with two of her kids swimming in my pool.

I am furious. I yell at her to get the gently caress out of my backyard. She claimed she didn't know, Mrs. Former Owner was okay with it. I told her to leave. She tried to dry her kids off and take her loving time, but I picked up their poo poo and threw it onto my front yard. I was livid. Absolutely livid.

I might have taken it a step too far, but she got the message. Or so I thought.

I decided to give the benefit of the doubt, and put a lock on the gate.

I come back to another kid in my backyard. He'd climbed the fence.

I drained the pool. I put a cover on the thing.

Then people started knocking on my door asking to use the pool. WTF

Then I got yelled out, when getting my walk on. I was planting some new flowers and this woman walks up with her son in swim trunks. He plops down by my dog and starts petting him. Fine. Whatever.

Mrs. Cuntpickle tells me that Mr. Cuntpickle has forbade them from spending extra money. On useless things. So Junior could not get to use the fancier, $180 a year swimming pass for another pool twenty minutes away. She could not take him to the lake.

But she was so put out and it was so hot. So could Junior please use my pool this weekend or even today. Apparently, she wanted to host a party in my backyard.

I told her no.

I got up and went into my house and made a phone call.

Maybe I overreacted.

But a week later I had a beautiful brick wall surrounding my front and backyard. It had nice, beautiful black spikes on the top to keep those pesky little kids from trying to climb over. And the best part was Steinbeck was the happiest dog in the world. Now he has even more room to run around.

The neighbors had a poo poo fit. I got about 16 notes saying it was an eye sore and I was being a bitch to deny people the pool.

But they cannot get to me because I have a sliding electric gate I pull my car through, then it closes and no one can approach the house. Too bad for them. Their kids can go suck a cock.

Haifisch posted:

Did someone say childfree?

Mad mommy tries to guilt me out of my sweet & sour sauce...not today! (self.childfree)

My Weekend: Or Why My Neighbors Now Hate Me (self.childfree)

YeahTubaMike posted:

Yeah, good thing birth control is a thing too.

walrusman posted:

If it was true, I would sympathize with the lady in the pool story. But how does an unscalable brick wall just appear around a yard big enough to contain a pool, including the front yard which is apparently big enough that she can have an unscalable electronic gate for her driveway?

walrusman posted:

If it was true, I would sympathize with the lady in the pool story. But how does an unscalable brick wall just appear around a yard big enough to contain a pool, including the front yard which is apparently big enough that she can have an unscalable electronic gate for her driveway?

sweeperbravo posted:

I realized a while back that when a 3yo sobs because they dropped their ice cream, that's genuinely the worst thing they can remember ever happening to them. The concept of disappointment is too nuanced so they skip straight to tragedy.

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Basically. When a small child experiences pain, joy, awe, sadness, or whatever, they don't have much to compare it with. It takes time for them to build up a repertoire of memories as well as get used to the fact that they can feel EMOTIONS. They eventually learn that the world is horrible and painful and no longer burst into tears when they stub their toe or get a blue balloon instead of a pink one. You can't cry about balloons when you are full of existential dread.

Keith Atherton posted:

I don't know why but a dog named Steinbeck is the thing that set me off about that one

quote:

RANT TIME


Harry Potter book release: don't worry, no spoilers.


Showed up at seven, in full costume for a nine am release. Devoted no? I was one of the few to dress up, and I was the best-dressed. I'm not being vain, I honestly had the most detailed and accurate costume there.


We were told in line, that the best-dressed person in line gets to open the box and have the first Half-Blood Prince book. So, I'm a shoo-in, aren't I?


WRONG.


loving moo brings her bratty sprog in at 8:59am dressed in a generic Kmart cape with stars and glitter and loving gaudy BLAH. Twig for a wand.


OMG WITTLE PWESHUS SO CUTE OMG YOU CAN OPEN THE BOX AND HAVE THIS BOOK YOU CAN'T READ AND *fawning fawning, blatant breederism etc*


THE loving KID WON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS. THE BOX OPENING WAS MINE. MIIIIINE.


I wouldn't have minded if someone had said "Oh look Sass, you are best-dressed but would you mind if this land-mine amputee opened the box instead?" I would have said "Absolutely no problem. Go for it." But no. loving CROTCHDROPPING GETS THE HONOUR. I'm furious. On principle of course, not out of any sense of entitlement. Well yes, entitlement also. But I WORKED FOR IT, I DESERVED IT.


I made an effort. I spent money making an effort. I showed up early. I will remember and treasure this event for ever and eternity. And I'm passed over for an ugly little brat with a sparkly tie. Woo loving woo.


I didn't stab her in the eye with my wand. I WANTED to. I talked about doing so VERY loving LOUDLY. I was going to eviscerate her mother with the cover of my brand-new copy.


I loving hate breeders and child-lovers. loving GO TO HELL.


I'm so pissed about this, sorry. It's just that in ten years time, this kid won't remember what she was doing on July 16th 2005. In ten years time, I will be remembering how I was deprived of this nerdly honor by an opportunistic twat breeder and her shitling. I'm hurt. All my life, nothing has gotten to me more than being deliberately ignored, or passed over. Honestly; that's the sort of thing that can make me cry in public. Or key your car. Or viciously murder you and your family in the heat of frustration and never-ending denial


Congratulations breeders, you win.


Edited to add: To all of you who are calling me immature etc, I'd like to add that you make a very good point, but have you considered GO gently caress YOURSELF? If you're so anal-retentive, go back to the other community and go on with your breeder-humping. Also, to the person who submitted this to fandom_wank, I seriously (no sarcasm) thank you. I've always wanted to be there!

EmmyOk posted:

Not wanting children is very understandable as you say but as soon as people start grouping up and using special terms to refer to people outside that group then you know they've gone a bit off.

"I don't want kids" - tip top and okay

"ugh look at those breeders and their crotchspawn" - I laugh and subtly cover my throat with my hand in case you smell the baby talc I accidentally spilled earlier and attack me

Catalina posted:

It did to me too, let me articulate my armchair analysis of projecting things onto this internet person based on crazy people I have known*: Giving your dog a name that is unusual, and naming something that you will share the name with others is a way of drawing attention to yourself and your interests. The fact that the poster mentions the THOUGHTFUL SPESHUL name of their dog, rather than just saying "my dog" like nearly anyone else would do in this situation, makes this suspect that they want to draw attention to their taste in books and music, something that is mildly rude, slightly uncomfortable, and commonly boring to people, especially those on acquaintance level. Steinbeck implies the author John Steinbeck, who is a good author who's works have a lot of pathos, but are (at least in the United States) commonly assigned in English classes, somewhere around an 8th grade reading level.

Keith Atherton posted:

"Steinbeck? What's that from?"

"You've never heard of the greatest American novelist of the 20th century?"

Keith Atherton posted:

Yeah this is basically why that pissed me off because if she actually did name a dog Steinbeck is because she was hoping it would be like:

"His name is Steinbeck? Like the author?"

"Yes of course"

walrusman posted:

Top five, maybe, but then I remembered we were still talking about the lady who loved Grapes of Wrath enough to name her dog after him. Whoops.

Ytlaya posted:

I would even go as far as to say that the people who are particularly obnoxious about it (with the aforementioned "crotchspawn/breeders" stuff and the childfree folks) often secretly want to have a family and just tell themselves how terrible it is as a way to cope with not having their desires fulfilled. Sorta like someone who doesn't get something they want and then says "WELL I DIDN'T REALLY WANT IT ANYWAYS."

Byzantine posted:

Or it's because if you ever mention that you don't have or want kids, you get stared at like you just grew another head and then swarmed with "who'll take care of you when you're old" "you'll change your mind" "you were a kid too!" "no see, constant screaming is actually cool and good" "i can't eat ice cream without hiding in a locked off room, but you're weird!" etc. etc. and it really gets loving old.

Byzantine posted:

Or it's because if you ever mention that you don't have or want kids, you get stared at like you just grew another head and then swarmed with "who'll take care of you when you're old" "you'll change your mind" "you were a kid too!" "no see, constant screaming is actually cool and good" "i can't eat ice cream without hiding in a locked off room, but you're weird!" etc. etc. and it really gets loving old.

Fathis Munk posted:

Grapes of Wrath is a pretty weird name for a dog imo.

Away all Goats posted: