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https://twitter.com/Cavalorn/status/891769483345494018 (Cav is the leopards eating people's faces guy)
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Jul 30, 2017 22:56
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This loving book. So I was digging around my closet and found the original trilogy. I'd loved them back when I was a kid, so I gave them a reread, and they actually stood up surprisingly well. Sure, not exactly high literature, but some pretty solid coming-of-age stories with decent personal development, strong female leads, and some solid world-building. So I do some searching, find out he's written a couple more. Reviews say Clariel is dumb and bad, but seem to love Goldenhand, so I pick it up. Oh, boy, was what a mistake. This book offends me. The only things the characters share with previous books are names. Personalities and growth are thrown away, because Nix decided what everyone really wanted to read was a horrendously lovely romance novel. The main characters do nothing but sit around and giggle and flirt and there's no actual tension or conflict in this because they're made for each other and it's perfect and I want to vomit. So they're kind of keeping it under wraps because what if other people see, then other characters see and just go "Oh, you two are made for each other and it's perfect" and there still isn't any tension or conflict. I'm not exaggerating this in the slightest: it is 5/6 of the way through the book by page count before the main characters find out the plot exists. I'd assumed it was setting up a sequel. Then everything just resolves itself neatly and ties a bow on top. No real struggle, no personal growth or sacrifice, nothing beyond two stupid teenagers giggling the whole goddamn book. Actually, negative growth and sacrifice because it takes the sacrifice that Lirael made at the end of book 3 and nullifies it for shits and giggles. And the other main character it introduces? She's completely bland and pointless. She has a stupidly tragic backstory that Nix ruins by refusing to discuss it at all. She goes through some semi-interesting adventures, but mostly just runs away while everyone else dies even though she's the smartest and the best. Then once she tells the main characters there's a plot and she totally vanishes and does nothing else the rest of the book except shack up with one of the minor characters because hey, Sameth was important once last book, the fans must want to see him have romance and who could be better for that than someone he met 15 minutes ago. I hate this book. The only solace I have is that Clariel might be good because reviews said it was awful. If it's bad I may just burn everything by Nix.
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Jul 30, 2017 23:32
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Both are bad, Nix is erratic as gently caress as an author and the earlier Sabriel series is in retrospect less of an improvement and more a fluke.
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Jul 31, 2017 00:19
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I guess it's well he just needs to stop going back to if he doesn't have any more stories for it. I mean what else is there to write once you've defeated the literal world-destroying evil?
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Jul 31, 2017 00:28
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there wolf posted:I guess it's well he just needs to stop going back to if he doesn't have any more stories for it. I mean what else is there to write once you've defeated the literal world-destroying evil? If you're a good writer, maybe something about what the heroes do and how the world treats them now that they're no longer needed? If you're a bad writer, another world-destroying evil.
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Jul 31, 2017 06:56
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Antivehicular posted:... so much of the population lives in grinding hopeless poverty that a mega-billionaire's "learn everything about all of my nerd obsessions and maybe win my fortune" contest can seem like the only way out to so many people ... So, it's pretty much the plot to Charlie & the Chocolate Factory?
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Jul 31, 2017 19:01
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outlier posted:So, it's pretty much the plot to Charlie & the Chocolate Factory? Yes but without Roald Dahl's charming misanthropy
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Jul 31, 2017 19:22
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Karia posted:This loving book. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but Clariel is actually bad. That's why I didn't read Goldenhand. 
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Jul 31, 2017 19:57
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Darth Walrus posted:Clearly, none of you are aware of what a profound, devoted feminist Ernest Cline is. If you have to read this poo poo, just listen to SuperGreatFriend read it aloud.
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Jul 31, 2017 21:10
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The_White_Crane posted:I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but Clariel is actually bad. Welp. Back to plan B: "Sequels? What are you talking about? Nix never wrote any sequels, what are you talking about?" Edit: but hey! That's the easy way to clean off my to-read list. Down to 39 books now. Karia has a new favorite as of 21:38 on Jul 31, 2017 |
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Jul 31, 2017 21:28
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The shittiness of Clariel and Goldenhand is quite weird because he left himself a perfect sequel hook in the third book about how Totally Not World War II is about to go down on the continent, complete with Totally Not Hitler, but has now twice totally failed to follow up on it.
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Jul 31, 2017 21:57
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skasion posted:The shittiness of Clariel and Goldenhand is quite weird because he left himself a perfect sequel hook in the third book about how Totally Not World War II is about to go down on the continent, complete with Totally Not Hitler, but has now twice totally failed to follow up on it. But how would that really involve the magic kingdom that doesn't really exist in the same reality as the WWII world? Let's face it, the real problem is he restricted himself to telling stories about the same small group of characters and it's pretty rare that prequels/squeals/side stories that exist just to expand on one character are worth a drat.
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Jul 31, 2017 23:05
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I loved the original trilogy (though it's been a long, long time since I last read them), I had no idea there were sequels and that they're poo poo is one of the most disappointing things I've heard all week.
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Jul 31, 2017 23:36
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I haven't read it, but Morrissey wrote a novel. It has a sex scene in it:
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Aug 1, 2017 01:06
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It's his second book; his first was his autobiography. He had it published via the Penguin Classics line, which seems like a pretty Morrisseyish thing to do.
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Aug 1, 2017 01:10
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Zamboni_Rodeo posted:I haven't read it, but Morrissey wrote a novel. It has a sex scene in it: This reads like the kind of sex scene you get in teenagers' attempts at erotica, where they don't really know what sex entails and are just trying to fake it, and not well. All it needs is something actively impossible (e.g. penetrating the clitoris) once the author realizes they have to describe a detailed sex act.
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Aug 1, 2017 01:12
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Antivehicular posted:This reads like the kind of sex scene you get in teenagers' attempts at erotica, where they don't really know what sex entails and are just trying to fake it, and not well. All it needs is something actively impossible (e.g. penetrating the clitoris) once the author realizes they have to describe a detailed sex act. My favorite line in that passage is about how "Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth." It's just so ineptly descriptive.
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Aug 1, 2017 01:26
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there wolf posted:But how would that really involve the magic kingdom that doesn't really exist in the same reality as the WWII world? Let's face it, the real problem is he restricted himself to telling stories about the same small group of characters and it's pretty rare that prequels/squeals/side stories that exist just to expand on one character are worth a drat. Ancelstierre gets caught up in the war and someone tries to pull an Operation Seelöwe on them, but decides to avoid their coastal defenses by landing in their remote northern hinterland. Oh whoops the boats and guns and radios don't work up here and now there is a battalion of fascists/communists/whatever marooned in the Old Kingdom with no idea what kind of things happen there. The way the overlap between the stuff north and south of the Wall works, whether it's possible to reach the Old Kingdom from elsewhere by sea, etc. is left ambiguous enough that it could probably be rationalized. FWIW I don't think there really need to be more books, the Orannis plotline basically can't be topped so any further entry would be just a spinoff, it's just weird to me that he didn't follow up on the obvious hook he put there.
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Aug 1, 2017 01:36
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Zamboni_Rodeo posted:My favorite line in that passage is about how "Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth." It's just so ineptly descriptive. I can't find a copy of the video online, but there is film of Charles Dance reading this particular scene. It was part of the "Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2015" - a British comedy panel show. His perplexity at the barrel roll is palpable.
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Aug 1, 2017 01:40
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I can never imagine it as anything other than her slapping him in the face with her tits.
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Aug 1, 2017 02:24
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She could really hurt a man with those bags of sand...
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Aug 1, 2017 03:33
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Midnight Voyager posted:If you have to read this poo poo, just listen to SuperGreatFriend read it aloud. Sham bam bamina! has a new favorite as of 05:41 on Aug 1, 2017 |
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Aug 1, 2017 05:39
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skasion posted:Ancelstierre gets caught up in the war and someone tries to pull an Operation Seelöwe on them, but decides to avoid their coastal defenses by landing in their remote northern hinterland. Oh whoops the boats and guns and radios don't work up here and now there is a battalion of fascists/communists/whatever marooned in the Old Kingdom with no idea what kind of things happen there. The way the overlap between the stuff north and south of the Wall works, whether it's possible to reach the Old Kingdom from elsewhere by sea, etc. is left ambiguous enough that it could probably be rationalized. FWIW I don't think there really need to be more books, the Orannis plotline basically can't be topped so any further entry would be just a spinoff, it's just weird to me that he didn't follow up on the obvious hook he put there. Spoilered for everyone tired of this discussion That could work, but I think it butts up to what I thought was the bigger opening for more story, that the Old Kingdom is still depopulated and has a lot of settlements and towns left empty after the dark age. They left off with a promise to move refugees in, so pickup with one of those people who suddenly has to adapt to a world of magic and monsters. Doesn't Morressy identify as asexual? That'd be a good reason not to know how sex actually works, and he doesn't seem like someone who would at least read romance books and pickup how to write a sex scene.
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Aug 1, 2017 05:59
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I thought he was gay
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Aug 1, 2017 06:12
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Zamboni_Rodeo posted:My favorite line in that passage is about how "Eliza's breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra's howling mouth." It's just so ineptly descriptive. You'd think he was gay and celibate. Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:She could really hurt a man with those bags of sand... Had a GF whose favourite thing was to hit me across the face with her boobs. You wouldn't believe something so soft and squishy could pack such a punch "Calm your tits" "NO!" *whack*
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Aug 1, 2017 10:50
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I've seen that chick in The Dictator crushing bricks with her boobs. God I wish that were me
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Aug 1, 2017 13:25
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I quite liked Clariel because I didn't catch the increasingly (and intentionally) obvious twist until like 2/3rds of the way into the book, and so it was a big realization.
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Aug 1, 2017 13:27
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Cat Army 
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The Iron Rose posted:I quite liked Clariel because I didn't catch the increasingly (and intentionally) obvious twist until like 2/3rds of the way into the book, and so it was a big realization. the twist being that Chlorr of the Mask is an ex Abhorsen? Cos that's in Abhorsen, and made 12 year old me feel like the smartest kid alive.
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Aug 1, 2017 13:59
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divabot posted:Had a GF whose favourite thing was to hit me across the face with her boobs. You wouldn't believe something so soft and squishy could pack such a punch
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Aug 1, 2017 14:32
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Sham bam bamina! posted:Do you live in an anime? Australia's basically an anime, let's be real here
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Aug 1, 2017 14:41
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The Vosgian Beast posted:Australia's basically an anime, let's be real here Fuckin notice me senpai, ya fuckin oval office
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Aug 1, 2017 14:47
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Chuck another tit on the senpai
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Aug 1, 2017 14:55
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Jew it to it! posted:Let me check my copy...I am still pissed I paid for this. Jesus. So he made Kurt Vonnegut his favourite author exactly why? I think I'll have a read because the book sounds so absurd. On the other hand I'm risking dislocating my jaw from the amount of cringing canis minor has a new favorite as of 18:38 on Aug 1, 2017 |
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Aug 1, 2017 18:35
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there wolf posted:I guess it's well he just needs to stop going back to if he doesn't have any more stories for it. I mean what else is there to write once you've defeated the literal world-destroying evil? Defeat a minor minion of the evil, apparently. I mean, I guess it worked in LotR but that wasn't a whole book.
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Aug 2, 2017 03:39
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Tunicate posted:Defeat a minor minion of the evil, apparently. You can just pick different characters and scale the villain down accordingly.
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Aug 2, 2017 04:37
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canis minor posted:Jesus. So he made Kurt Vonnegut his favourite author exactly why? I think I'll have a read because the book sounds so absurd. On the other hand I'm risking dislocating my jaw from the amount of cringing I think a lot of people in America read Vonnegut in highschool. Which is probably where he peaked intellectually. And it makes dumb people feel smart to say they're into Vonnegut. Don't get me wrong, I love Vonnegut. But mostly because he gets the absurdity of human existence, not because it makes me feel smart to read him.
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Aug 2, 2017 10:40
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there wolf posted:You can just pick different characters and scale the villain down accordingly. Or change the nature of the threat. Being a walking nuke may not be so helpful against, say, a political enemy.
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Aug 2, 2017 10:43
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Or not write genre.
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Aug 2, 2017 12:15
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Pondex posted:I think a lot of people in America read Salinger in highschool. Which is probably where he peaked intellectually. And it makes dumb people feel smart to say they're into Salinger. Ok also
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Aug 2, 2017 22:01
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BravestOfTheLamps posted:Or not write genre. this is VERY IMPORTANT and EVERYBODY CARES
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Aug 2, 2017 22:45
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