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Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


Complications posted:

So you know how your vassals are constantly scheming to increase their land holdings at the expense of other people in (and occasionally outside of) your realm, shank people all around to take their titles, forming factions to rebel to lower crown authority or replace the succession with something to gently caress you over (gavelkind or elective), marry their heirs into your line to take your titles, and usually all of the above at once? Basically do that. Everything that makes your vassals a pain in the rear end and annoying to deal with is what you'll be doing as a vassal to your 'rightful' liege. Other than that, just patiently rebuild as you can.

I mean yeah, that's what I want to do, but HOW do I do it? When I was emperor my vassals were constantly bothering me like "hey, give me a province" or "hey, give me one of your vassals" or whatever... how do I do that, for example?


e: may have found a shortcut. joining the hel cult, gonna see if I can kidnap and sacrifice the emperor and his single heir; I should be next on the list after that.

Grand Prize Winner fucked around with this message at 00:21 on Jul 31, 2017

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Main Paineframe
Oct 27, 2010

Grand Prize Winner posted:

Should have been more specific. I've never played CKII as a vassal before. How do I.... do it?

As a vassal, you get a lot more options for scheming, factioning, and plotting. Bide your time, build your relationship with your lord and with the other vassals, and wait for an opportunity (such as succession) to start some poo poo. Check out the faction menu, and look over your list of plots. If you can get your hands on an influential position, such as council member, it'll significantly increase your potential for intrigue and mischief.

Pompous Rhombus
Mar 11, 2007

HerraS posted:

basically the rear end in a top hat waltzes into your chambers, loudly yells 'THIS IS FOR YOU MILORD' and slits his own throat while youre stuck there going 'WHAT THE ACTUAL gently caress' and then you get a million debuffs with a chance of lunatic as a bonus

I love this game.

BravestOfTheLamps
Oct 12, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Lipstick Apathy
.

BravestOfTheLamps fucked around with this message at 19:22 on Nov 11, 2018

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE

An amazing feature, especially if you have a far flung coastal realm, to easier rally the troops before loading them onto the ships.

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

Welp, somebody said something about Israel and now I'm doing another Jewish Semien game. Hey screw it what's yet another save? I've only got Byzantines, Venice, Britannia via Mercia, Fylkir/Scandinavia via Danmark, and Mongols via Otuken so what's one more game?! :shepface:

Anyway, I really like Jewish Semien with the secret cult mechanics these days since cults are pretty good at spreading now. I did the classic "pick on the tribals until somebody threatens to push your poo poo in then swear fealty to the Abbasids" trick. Promptly falsely converted and formed the God's Faithful cult. Under the protection of the Caliph I managed to become King of Nubia and held chunks of Abyssinia before the Abbasids exploded from a combination of decadence and shia uprisings. So I went independent, but still kept up the Sunni charade and Jewish cult. I had enough piety to launch an invasion of Abyssinia and won, becoming the King. So currently I am King of Abyssinia and Nubia (made Abyssinia my primary because I like having Gondar as capital with Semien as my second duchy), and I hold all Abyssinian territories. In Nubia I hold Alodia, Blemmiya, and one province in the duchies of Nobatia and Makuria. I think I'm gonna keep up this secret cult until I get the rest of de jure Nubia under my belt to avoid getting dogpiled by Muslims.

But man, once I have those, the very next time I become Herald of God's Faithful, I'm gonna openly declare and all hell is going to break loose. I counted to a hundred from the bottom of the member list of God's Faithful and by looking at how much of the scroll bar that took up I estimate that there's roughly 400 secret Jews scattered across the Islamic world. If even a quarter of those hold titles the middle east is going to go insane when I pull the trigger on openly declaring the faith.

I gotta say though, on my non-cult games I still don't have much trouble keeping said cults in line. I basically just keep my chaplain on hunting apostates forever and burn anybody that isn't a dynasty member and has a suspicion or sympathy trait at the stake. I haven't had a single cult start poo poo in my realm on my other games. I've seen it happen plenty to other realms though.

Anyway, I'll post a screenshot of the aftermath in the Islamic world once me and the rest of the secret Jews yell out "SURPRISE, BITCH!" and start raising hell.

E: also, I'd really love map modes for Society membership. Not all of them, of course. But basically a mode that highlights any territory ruled over by a member of the society you're in. Like if there's five counts in England that are members it would highlight their demesne, but if their King was a member it would highlight all of England. Naturally, barony-level members and courtiers wouldn't be highlighted.

E2: Oh and also, I switched my dynasty from Ethiopian to Ashkenazi a generation or two back as well so instead of those lovely loving light retinues I'm packing heavy infantry Bar Kochba guards, gently caress yeah.

Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 18:10 on Jul 31, 2017

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy

quote:

Taught the Pope that lifting his own excommunication when he becomes the Pope makes him a better role model for other Catholics
The AI no longer thinks that just because a province is someone's capital, it's a good target; it is now more discerning and only cares if it is the capital of an enemy

That explains my excommunicated pope...

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014

Honky Dong Country posted:

I really like Jewish Semen

:same:

I'm doing the Jewish khazaria, I started as a vassal so I could build up my strength without having to worry about handing out land for a generation. I now have land from Jerusalem to Tibet with a crusade for Egypt about to be victorious in my favor. The Black Plague just arrived though so in looking forward to having my entire line die out since I don't have any children yet, and my last few generations have been sparse. :shepface:

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

I hope you have a really good physician. (lol just kidding nomads are terrible for physician options you're hosed)

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014

I actually got insanely lucky and one of vassals had a learning of 22 and after making them my physician he got the renowned physician perk. He's young so as long as he's alive I may have a chance!

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


Don't you hate it when your drat family won't reproduce? Ended up giving my most recent king 4 concubines and two lovers, and the seduction focus for a while. BOOM! 12 kids. 9 girls and three boys, agnatic succession so no girls inherit; all the daughters are in matrilinial marriages and the boys are all popping out kids. Heirs out the rear end!

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011

Honky Dong Country posted:

I hope you have a really good physician. (lol just kidding nomads are terrible for physician options you're hosed)

Lol ya goofs; invite holy men until one spawns with over 20 learning

You got shitloads of piety you got nothing to do with as a nomad anyhow

Various Meat Products
Oct 1, 2003

open character finder

type "physician"

send gift

invite to court

Pester
Apr 22, 2008

Avatar Fairy? or Fairy Avatar?

really queer Christmas posted:

Please don't post titles from r/thedonald here

:slowclap:

(I couldn't remember the clap emoji.)

Grem
Mar 29, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 29 days!
So what's cool about Monks and Mystics? Been a while since I cracked this open.

cock hero flux
Apr 17, 2011



Grem posted:

So what's cool about Monks and Mystics? Been a while since I cracked this open.

you can join the army of satan to give people you don't like cancer and eat your own children to gain unholy life

or you can join the army of god and uhhh

uuuuhhhh

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh

not have sex, I guess

Shellception
Oct 12, 2016

"I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think"

Grem posted:

So what's cool about Monks and Mystics? Been a while since I cracked this open.

Or you can be a drug-addicted genius alchemist who consorts with divine beings and publishes peer-reviewed papers :drugnerd:

HerraS
Apr 15, 2012

Looking professional when committing genocide is essential. This is mostly achieved by using a beret.

Olive drab colour ensures the genocider will remain hidden from his prey until it's too late for them to do anything.



inventing poo poo like a compass and a tome of eternal* life is very cool

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

Write and keep a growing library of scholarly magnum opuses that basically turn your guys into geniuses the moment they join the Hermetic Order and gain the ability to read them. (Same goes for the gadgets since a lot of those require membership in the Hermetics to use.)

Basically societies in general rule. The hermetics have incredible bonuses like gadgets, magnum opuses, and the ability to get rid of stressed/depressed really easily. The stress potion thing is a bigger boon than it appears, since it basically allows you to give kids you educate diligent on the regular since you can just get rid of the stressed trait that event gives you.

The assassins are a really cool option for Shia Muslims, smoke a buncha hasheesh and coerce/kill people.

The monastic orders are mostly useless, IMO, except for the dharmic equivalents and characters burdened by a lot of negative sinful traits, and the monastic option paired with the theology focus is a good combo for morality carwash. Monastic orders can also be used to gain and lose celibacy at will, which can be useful for gavelkind if you don't wanna do the whole have a buncha bastards and legitimize one, pissing off your dynasty thing.

Then there's Satan. The Satanic cults are crazy powerful for dealing with murder, kidnapping, healing yourself (like when your physician cures your syphilis by chopping off your dick and balls), and if you're the High Priest any member will literally say yes to anything. But you stack up a lot of negative traits for being a piece of poo poo. This is great for when you have a lot of troublesome vassals or when fighting enemies more powerful than yourself (because you can use Satanics to kidnap their leader and force him to surrender). Satan worshippers are my go-to for merchant republics because it really makes it easy to murder your way through elections and get a good heir in as Doge. Of course, you'll be a sinful piece of poo poo that everybody hates but who cares, you're rich.

Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 15:23 on Aug 1, 2017

ShootaBoy
Jan 6, 2010

Anime is Bad.
Except for Pokemon, Valkyria Chronicles and 100% OJ.

Someone give me ideas for an 867 to end game. I greatly prefer to play the smallest guy I can and work my way up to king poo poo, if ever. My other completed games were in the Isles and Germany, so I'd like to vary it up a little, same reason I don't really want to do vikings. No republics because those fuckers are cursed around me. Bonus points if you suggest stuff to get me extra achievements on the way.

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
I'm sick of all my characters sucking. I've got loads of women with great stats and the men are all useless ffs

Technowolf
Nov 4, 2009




ShootaBoy posted:

Someone give me ideas for an 867 to end game. I greatly prefer to play the smallest guy I can and work my way up to king poo poo, if ever. My other completed games were in the Isles and Germany, so I'd like to vary it up a little, same reason I don't really want to do vikings. No republics because those fuckers are cursed around me. Bonus points if you suggest stuff to get me extra achievements on the way.

Semien > Israel?

DISCO KING
Oct 30, 2012

STILL
TRYING
TOO
HARD

cock hero flux posted:

you can join the army of god and uhhh

uuuuhhhh

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh

not have sex, I guess

An incredible superpower in this game, though

ShootaBoy
Jan 6, 2010

Anime is Bad.
Except for Pokemon, Valkyria Chronicles and 100% OJ.

Technowolf posted:

Semien > Israel?

Hmm... I could. I've never done really any Jewish stuff. Is there anything fun with them? Any weird rear end mechanics? And how much do you have to restart to get a decent chance as Semien?

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy
You can fix vices into virtues, if you happen to want to do that. Or you can get rid of celibacy! Christian holy orders aren't particularly interesting, but they do have some uses.

DisgracelandUSA
Aug 11, 2011

Yeah, I gets down with the homies

ShootaBoy posted:

Hmm... I could. I've never done really any Jewish stuff. Is there anything fun with them? Any weird rear end mechanics?

u have to do the but stuff through a hole in a sheet

Sargeant Biffalot
Nov 24, 2006
The top rank ability to force convert a province is pretty handy if you are in a religious borderland. Also if you convert out it will still work for a day or two, enough to convert your entire realm to catharism/etc if you have the devotion stocked up. Probably easier to just do the secret cult though.

Technowolf
Nov 4, 2009




ShootaBoy posted:

Hmm... I could. I've never done really any Jewish stuff. Is there anything fun with them? Any weird rear end mechanics? And how much do you have to restart to get a decent chance as Semien?

You could falsely convert, swear fealty to someone, and tear them apart from within. I did that as Coptic Makuria (swearing fealty to whichever power was in Egypt at the time) and it was pretty fun once I figured out what I was doing.

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

ShootaBoy posted:

Hmm... I could. I've never done really any Jewish stuff. Is there anything fun with them? Any weird rear end mechanics? And how much do you have to restart to get a decent chance as Semien?

They're kind of in a weird place as far as religions go. They don't start with a religious head nor do they have autocephaly like Orthodoxy and its heresies, but they don't get a lot of the downside of unreformed paganism. So the big goal for Jewish nations is to take Jerusalem, build the Third Temple, restore the High Priesthood (at which point there's basically a Jew-Pope called the Kohen Gadol and the Zealots holy order will form), and founding Israel, a kingdom-level title. But none of that has the same urgency of needing to reform paganism has. After all, Jews aren't restricted to gavelkind. After that it's pretty standard gameplay. The Kohen Gadol will call Great Holy Wars on various kingdoms and so forth. It's worth noting that playing Jews at all isn't possible without Sons of Abraham, however.

To accomplish those goals you've got a few options. Have zealous Jews educate your kids to turn your dynasty Jewish. There's also Abyssinia, where it's pretty easy to keep Semien as a tributary, like some kind of Jewish reservation until you're strong enough to stand on your own against the Muslims all around you. Then you conquer Semien, move your capital there, and convert by decision if you've got Rajas of India (I think it's Rajas that lets you do that).Then there's 876 Khazaria if you've got Horse Lords, which are Jewish nomads. Like most nomads these dudes are a loving powerhouse and can quite easily get strong enough to outright invade Jerusalem and settle there afterward. Then there's Semien down by Abyssinia in East Africa which is Jewish in all starts I think, but in 1066 they're at their strongest with six provinces. Otherwise they've only got two, though there may be a date where they have three, I forget. They used to be a real pain in the rear end to pull it off with before secret cults became a thing, but I still wouldn't exactly call it easy. With cults you can basically pick on the tribals west of you if you can finish wars before the rest of the Miaphysites dogpile you, and as soon as you can you swear fealty to the Abbasids to keep them off your rear end for good. Then your biggest problem is trying to swallow as much of Nubia as you can before that rear end in a top hat Egyptian Sultan does. Sooner or later the Abbasids will likely explode due to decadence and that usually gives you a way to go independent. The real question is when to have the cult openly declare its faith. When you do that every single member (and there will be A LOT with the way cults work these days) will immediately flip Jewish, causing an absolute shitstorm.

So basically, you either cheese it by switching any old dynasty Jewish through education, go nomad and spread bagel aficionado horsemen as far as the eye can see, or play Semien and completely ruin the Islamic world with secret cult fuckery. Personally I like to go Semien because they're a wonderful opportunity to really gently caress around with secret cults. Since false conversion and secret cults can easily put you under the aegis of Abbasid doomstacks, I almost never have to restart as Semien to get a fair shake.

Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 21:27 on Aug 1, 2017

Shellception
Oct 12, 2016

"I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think"

Midnight Voyager posted:

You can fix vices into virtues, if you happen to want to do that. Or you can get rid of celibacy! Christian holy orders aren't particularly interesting, but they do have some uses.

For maximum enjoyment, experience a trip into schizophrenia by getting a posessed character to join one. Watch virtues turn into vices and back into virtues twice a month.

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


Midnight Voyager posted:

You can fix vices into virtues, if you happen to want to do that. Or you can get rid of celibacy! Christian holy orders aren't particularly interesting, but they do have some uses.

if your character is gay you can get a lot of gay sex through the dominicans

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

The Sunni Caliph just flipped full blown Jew on his own. :stare: Because of this the Sunni Caliphate got destroyed.

E: Holy hell and the AI just reformed Gemanic paganism.

E2: Hahhahahaha said former Caliph then died from an infection and left his Muslim son to inherit an empire full of now-Jewish vassals. Man what a roller coaster this game is turning into.

E3: :supaburn: the Herald of God's Faithful decided it was time for all us Jews to come out of the closet and I don't even have all of Nubia yet.

Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 01:07 on Aug 2, 2017

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

Hey is there some way to see 100% of your finances? Like I know if I click on the crest of my primary title it'll show some of my finances at the bottom, but I know that's not all of it. For instance, I had no title to give to one of my sons and he had a military background so I paid for him to form a merc company. Shortly after, I got a title, and saw an option when I right-clicked him to replace him as the merc captain with somebody else (I've never seen this option before, only the option to recall them to your court and disband the merc company, but anywho) and did so. I granted him the title I had gained and thus still have a merc company under different leadership. I know that merc companies that you form are supposed to pay out 15% of their pay to you, so I'd love to see how much that is at any given time, but the financial breakdown offered by the aforementioned method isn't comprehensive enough to show that, nor are detailed financials in the ledger. Anybody have any ideas or know something I don't?

HOLY poo poo WHEN DID THOSE FINANCIALS GET A SCROLL BAR?!

Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 03:55 on Aug 2, 2017

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014

3 Easy steps to avoid the Black Death (Microbes hate this!)

1. Be a nomad
2. Destroy all holdings near your capital and around those provinces, and hell any in the region around those.
3. Laugh at everyone else dying in the streets from Bulbous.

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

really queer Christmas posted:

3 Easy steps to avoid the Black Death (Microbes hate this!)

1. Be a nomad
2. Destroy all holdings near your capital and around those provinces, and hell any in the region around those.
3. Laugh at everyone else dying in the streets from Bulbous.

Considering nomad dynasties tend to be loving huge I feel like you're better off letting the plague kill a shitload of your relatives. Unless you mean non-nomadic holdings in which case you should be pillaging them down to dust anyway. :shrug: Besides you can just move your nomad capital to an area that's got literally nothing for miles and miles around it with ease anyway.

And honestly, what provinces get ravaged by the plague depends entirely on a couple of set progression paths for the plague. Depending on where the plague spawns, you can look up and predict its course with pretty reliable accuracy. If it's destined to tear through the steppes it's gonna do it no matter what the holding situation is.

really queer Christmas
Apr 22, 2014

Honky Dong Country posted:

Considering nomad dynasties tend to be loving huge I feel like you're better off letting the plague kill a shitload of your relatives. Unless you mean non-nomadic holdings in which case you should be pillaging them down to dust anyway. :shrug: Besides you can just move your nomad capital to an area that's got literally nothing for miles and miles around it with ease anyway.

And honestly, what provinces get ravaged by the plague depends entirely on a couple of set progression paths for the plague. Depending on where the plague spawns, you can look up and predict its course with pretty reliable accuracy. If it's destined to tear through the steppes it's gonna do it no matter what the holding situation is.

Huh, I didn't know that about the 2nd paragraph. I guess I just got really lucky then, because the plague didn't even penetrate Georgia or any of Mongolia to the steppes.

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

really queer Christmas posted:

Huh, I didn't know that about the 2nd paragraph. I guess I just got really lucky then, because the plague didn't even penetrate Georgia or any of Mongolia to the steppes.

I thought I had the spread patterns saved somewhere but I can't find it now. But the wiki page on diseases even confirms that the Black Death follows special patterns. There's generally at least one region that it won't touch at all. Plus there's smaller historical exclusion zones but I also forget how to identify them.

I know I'm kinda being useless for details here, but you get what I mean. You likely had the black death break out using the pattern that totally bypasses the steppes. Oh and of course once the initial black death event is played it can and will break out as a regular epidemic anywhere.

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


Honky Dong Country posted:

Hey is there some way to see 100% of your finances? Like I know if I click on the crest of my primary title it'll show some of my finances at the bottom, but I know that's not all of it. For instance, I had no title to give to one of my sons and he had a military background so I paid for him to form a merc company. Shortly after, I got a title, and saw an option when I right-clicked him to replace him as the merc captain with somebody else (I've never seen this option before, only the option to recall them to your court and disband the merc company, but anywho) and did so. I granted him the title I had gained and thus still have a merc company under different leadership. I know that merc companies that you form are supposed to pay out 15% of their pay to you, so I'd love to see how much that is at any given time, but the financial breakdown offered by the aforementioned method isn't comprehensive enough to show that, nor are detailed financials in the ledger. Anybody have any ideas or know something I don't?

HOLY poo poo WHEN DID THOSE FINANCIALS GET A SCROLL BAR?!

screenshot this bar please I cannot find it

ShootaBoy
Jan 6, 2010

Anime is Bad.
Except for Pokemon, Valkyria Chronicles and 100% OJ.

Well that run was a huge loving wash. Seimen start in 876, go out and nab the tribe next door. Then a few months later get warred and lose it to the guy a bit north with 2k men. Swear to Abyssinia and fake convert, and then my 2nd daughter is the devil spawn. Despite her not ever being eligible to inherit, she still triggers an event that kills my only son and heir, meaning I lose. loving bullshit, game.

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BravestOfTheLamps
Oct 12, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Lipstick Apathy
Semen start in 876

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