Taiwan Number 1

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Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

1. Head
2. Shoulders
3. Knees
4. And
5. Toes

# ? Aug 3, 2017 06:45

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# ? May 22, 2024 11:01

Hedenius: Aug 23, 2007

Grand Fromage posted:

lol why would you bother making fake carlsberg

That's why I had to buy it. It's just such a wonderfully bizarre thing to fake. Especially coming from Sweden where Carlsberg is even more of a poo poo tier beer then in the rest of the world.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 06:49

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

Atlas Hugged posted:

1. Head
2. Shoulders
3. Knees
4. And
5. Toes

1. Dylan
2. Dylan
3. Dylan
4. Dylan
5. Dylan

# ? Aug 3, 2017 06:51

hakimashou: Jul 15, 2002; Upset Trowel

I still want to see a picture of the 5 piece suit

# ? Aug 3, 2017 06:53

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

hakimashou posted:

I still want to see a picture of the 5 piece suit

# ? Aug 3, 2017 06:55

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

Hedenius posted:

That's why I had to buy it. It's just such a wonderfully bizarre thing to fake. Especially coming from Sweden where Carlsberg is even more of a poo poo tier beer then in the rest of the world.

My favorite thing is the story of Carlsberg Chill, a special beer made for the East Asian market because regular Carlsberg was too flavorful so they make an even shittier, rice brewed version that's more pisswatery than normal Carlsberg for local tastes.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:01

Hedenius: Aug 23, 2007

Rich Chinese person: I'd like you to fix my place up.
Interior decorator: what would you like?
Rich Chinese person: do you remember Saddam Hussein's palaces?
Interior decorator: yes.
Rich Chinese person: I want that.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:04

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

McGavin posted:

So, earlier I teased that I might get some stories from my uncle who is a high school principal in China, and since everyone else is posting stories I might as well join in.

The Backstory, or gently caress Everything, I'm Going to China.
So, a few years ago my uncle was a vice-principal at a Christian high school in Vancouver that got a significant amount of its funding from a local billionaire (if you're from BC you can probably guess who). Life was pretty good up until my cousin's girlfriend got deported back to Germany and was inadmissible to return because her father was a shitheel who overstayed his visa. My cousin was distraught, but fortunately we're of German descent and Germany has some weird laws that let former Germans go back, so he followed her back to Germany and got married.

My aunt never liked his girlfriend, so his marriage, combined with the fact that her only child, her baby, ran off to Germany, broke my aunt's brain. She didn't go to my cousin's wedding and blamed my uncle for letting him leave, because my uncle's opinion on the matter was "It's his life, let him do what makes him happy." In a move that had everyone else in my family going as hard as possible, she wound up divorcing my uncle over it.

This is when the fun started. You see, my aunt's father was also pastor of the local billionaire's church and sat on the board of directors at the school where my uncle worked. As soon as my aunt and uncle separated, my uncle, who until this point was the lead candidate to take over when the principal retired, was called into the director's office and told that he was setting an unchristian example for the students, so they'll have to let him go. This lovely treatment while he was at a low point in his life from the people he had gone to church with for at least the past 20 years caused him to have a serious crisis of faith (he is much less insufferably Christian now).

For those of you keeping score, in only a few months my uncle lost his family, his job, and his faith. To add insult to injury, he was finding it difficult to find a new job, so when an opening for a vice-principal came up at a school in Shanghai, he sold his house in Vancouver to a Chinese student for a cool $2 million and hosed off to China.

This is how sexpats are made.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:07

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

Was the BC Billionair loving Jimmy Patison?

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:14

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Hedenius posted:

Rich Chinese person: I'd like you to fix my place up.
Interior decorator: what would you like?
Rich Chinese person: do you remember Saddam Hussein's palaces?
Interior decorator: yes.
Rich Chinese person: I want that.

Pretty sure that's The Fat Shouty Cheeto's house.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:15

Mistle: Oct 11, 2005; Eckot's comic relief cousin from out of town; Grimey Drawer

Hedenius posted:

That's why I had to buy it. It's just such a wonderfully bizarre thing to fake. Especially coming from Sweden where Carlsberg is even more of a poo poo tier beer then in the rest of the world.

I've never been convinced away from the notion that countries export their lovely beer: Corona, Stella Artois, PBR( :homebrew:

), and so on.

Ignoring the absolute pisswater that probably wouldn't qualify as "beer", does this hold true for China?

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:20

hakimashou: Jul 15, 2002; Upset Trowel

If i had settled in China I would have decorated my apartment like the palace of versailles with cheap gaudy chinese interior decoration poo poo.

"so much noble"

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:22

Hedenius: Aug 23, 2007

Mistle posted:

I've never been convinced away from the notion that countries export their lovely beer: Corona, Stella Artois, PBR( ), and so on.

Ignoring the absolute pisswater that probably wouldn't qualify as "beer", does this hold true for China?

I don't think China exports much beer. At least not to Europe. The only Chinese beer I've encountered in Europe is Tsingtao in some Chinese restaurants.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:23

Hedenius: Aug 23, 2007

hakimashou posted:

If i had settled in China I would have decorated my apartment like the palace of versailles with cheap gaudy chinese interior decoration poo poo.

"so much noble"

You and literally every Chinese person who has more than two yuan.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:24

angel opportunity: Sep 7, 2004; Total Eclipse of the Heart

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:26

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

Hedenius posted:

Rich Chinese person: I'd like you to fix my place up.
Interior decorator: what would you like?
Rich Chinese person: do you remember Saddam Hussein's palaces?
Interior decorator: yes.
Rich Chinese person: I want that.

My Chinese tutor in Taiwan lived in a place that looked like this. Except the balcony wasn't enclosed and he lived on the 17th floor. Their cat missed the landing when jumping up onto the ledge and now they don't have a cat.

Atlas Hugged fucked around with this message at 07:31 on Aug 3, 2017

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:26

McGavin: Sep 18, 2012

Baronjutter posted:

Was the BC Billionair loving Jimmy Patison?

Are there any other evangelical Christian billionaires in BC?

McGavin fucked around with this message at 07:31 on Aug 3, 2017

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:27

Grand Fromage: Jan 30, 2006; L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?

Mistle posted:

I've never been convinced away from the notion that countries export their lovely beer: Corona, Stella Artois, PBR( ), and so on.

Ignoring the absolute pisswater that probably wouldn't qualify as "beer", does this hold true for China?

There is no such thing as good Chinese beer. There are Chinese brewpubs that make good stuff, but it's exclusively local. I don't think any of them are big enough to export it, you don't even find them in stores here. I have heard that if you go to the actual Tsingtao brewery in Qingdao you can buy good beer. Tsingtao also started making a hefeweizen about a year ago which is... not great but for a macrobrew in Asia it's decent, it strongly resembles actual beer. I've bought it intentionally more than once.

If you go to any sort of upscale grocery there will be a selection of good imported beers though.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:28

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Atlas Hugged posted:

My Chinese tutor in Taiwan lived in a place that looked like this. Except the balcony wasn't enclosed and he lived on the 17th floor. Their cat missed the landed when jumping up onto the ledge and now they don't have a cat.

Kitty

I do t really like cats but that's sad.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:30

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

A plague on anyone who says PBR isn't amazing.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:30

Dr.Radical: Apr 3, 2011

Haier posted:

Do u know a Chinese girl make sex with a Japanese dog man is same as his penis is Yasakuni shrine? SHe is bringing great harm to China for visiting Japanese dogm an.

Man you're not one of those Dogman enthusiasts are you? All the paranormal podcasts I listen to keep bringing up Dogman. It's a boring-rear end creature stop bringing it up as an explanation for every weird animal encounter someone has

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:32

angel opportunity: Sep 7, 2004; Total Eclipse of the Heart

It's not stealing or copying if it's hard to steal or copy

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:33

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

angel opportunity posted:

It's not stealing or copying if it's hard to steal or copy

I assume you just respond every time with the westerners get gunpowder meme?

hakimashou posted:

If i had settled in China I would have decorated my apartment like the palace of versailles with cheap gaudy chinese interior decoration poo poo.

"so much noble"

This was literally how they described their apartment. "We wanted it to look like Versailles."

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:38

Stringent: Dec 22, 2004; image text goes here

angel opportunity posted:

It's not stealing or copying if it's hard to steal or copy

Works for the education system vOv

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:39

angel opportunity: Sep 7, 2004; Total Eclipse of the Heart

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:41

angel opportunity: Sep 7, 2004; Total Eclipse of the Heart

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:43

angel opportunity: Sep 7, 2004; Total Eclipse of the Heart

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:47

angel opportunity: Sep 7, 2004; Total Eclipse of the Heart

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:50

angel opportunity: Sep 7, 2004; Total Eclipse of the Heart

# ? Aug 3, 2017 07:58

LentThem: Aug 31, 2004; 90% Retractible

Hedenius posted:

I don't think China exports much beer. At least not to Europe. The only Chinese beer I've encountered in Europe is Tsingtao in some Chinese restaurants.

I saw the 500ml bottles of Tsingtao at Marks & Spencer in London for something like 2 pounds 80 which is far more than it deserves

# ? Aug 3, 2017 08:03

angel opportunity: Sep 7, 2004; Total Eclipse of the Heart

btw i think rene chang probably died

# ? Aug 3, 2017 08:08

plumpy hole lever: Aug 8, 2003; ♥ Anime is real ♥

the women of china can breathe easy once more

# ? Aug 3, 2017 08:28

Hedenius: Aug 23, 2007

LentThem posted:

I saw the 500ml bottles of Tsingtao at Marks & Spencer in London for something like 2 pounds 80 which is far more than it deserves

That seems to be the import=good. Like the American I met who said he only liked good beers like imported Stella. But I can't really understand the Chinese way of drinking where the hard liquor is usually ridiculously strong around 50% and the beer is like 3%. Or 2,5% here in Guizhou.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:05

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

angel opportunity posted:

btw i think rene chang probably died

Lech no more.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:12

Hedenius: Aug 23, 2007

Crawfish!

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:12

GoutPatrol: Oct 17, 2009; *Stupid Babby*

Hedenius posted:

Rich Chinese person: I'd like you to fix my place up.
Interior decorator: what would you like?
Rich Chinese person: do you remember Saddam Hussein's palaces?
Interior decorator: yes.
Rich Chinese person: I want that.

stop posting trump apartments

edit: beaten like chinese democracy protesters

Hedenius posted:

Crawfish!

Where is that video of a thai shrimp buffet with people literally sticking whole plates into the shrimp

GoutPatrol fucked around with this message at 09:16 on Aug 3, 2017

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:13

big time bisexual: Oct 16, 2002; Cool Party

GoutPatrol posted:

Where is that video of a thai shrimp buffet with people literally sticking whole plates into the shrimp

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9LzWTLu3vQ

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:23

plumpy hole lever: Aug 8, 2003; ♥ Anime is real ♥

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBCLXZmMQNs

loving animals man, the thais must hate them

e: beaten like a plate of shrimp

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:23

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

Hedenius posted:

Rich Chinese person: I'd like you to fix my place up.
Interior decorator: what would you like?
Rich Chinese person: do you remember Saddam Hussein's palaces?
Interior decorator: yes.
Rich Chinese person: I want that.

Padding on the walls. Padding. on. the. walls.

angel opportunity posted:

This just reminds me of a Chinese guy I met a while ago. My boss knows him because they used to be neighbors and they all lived in the building I worked(which was an apartment my boss owns), and we were out one day and he saw us and go introduced to me. Eventually I talked to his entire family because now we'd recognize each other in the elevators, which was pretty LOL. Some of these things I learned from him, some from my boss.

He'd gone to university in the USA. He was a decently attractive guy, and his dress and hairstyle had obviously been picked up from abroad because he did not resemble the average office cog. He even had a mustache. Chinese dudes look pretty cool with mustaches. Anyway, while in the US, some Baptists were very kind to him and wanted to spread the Word, and he got caught up in it. He married a white girl that went to school and church with him, and they got this great idea to back to China to save all the fallen hell-bound Chinese people suffering under non-church-going government. The church in the US got a collection going and they moved to China. Since his parents were not Believers, he instead took in her whitebread farmfolk American parents, and they had a household of faith.

They do daily church services, run an illegal Christian daycare, and hold a big Sunday service with singing and the whole lot. Because their daily services are at the same time I'd be sometimes coming and going from where I worked, I would share the elevator with English-speaking Christian Chinese who would immediately assume the laowai was going to church with them because all white people are Christians. The level of confusion and disappointment when I would say I was not Christian was pretty funny to me, as I could see the questioning in their faces.

Anyway, this guy's wife was scary. I saw her at least once per week, sometimes more. I just thought she was one of the attendees at the church until my boss told me that was his wife. She was average height, but rail thin. She had long hair that was so god damned limp and oily that I would believe it if I found she "washed" it with street food every night. She had super bad posture that wasn't genetic or from a disability, and she wore these old t-shirts and ratty sweatpants at all times. She looked like a female goon, or a legbeard, as they are called, and made no attempt to keep herself clean or presentable as most people do when leaving the house.
She was the kind of person where you want to take aside their partner and ask if either of them are "ok" and if they need any assistance.

I don't know where I am going with this, but "loser girls" goes both ways. Not as bad as an obese 45+ year old marrying a poor 19-year-old, but still gross.

Dr.Radical posted:

Man you're not one of those Dogman enthusiasts are you? All the paranormal podcasts I listen to keep bringing up Dogman. It's a boring-rear end creature stop bringing it up as an explanation for every weird animal encounter someone has

Dogmen have been appearing like wildfire lately, and I have never in my life heard anything about dogmen until the end of 2016. I enjoy Dark Water's dogmen stories, but I have lived and driven around Mississippi and Louisiana, the source of these dogmen stories, and never once heard about them during that entire time, even though ghosts, voodoo, Native American curses, and devil worshipers were standard fare throughout the region.

Black-eyed Children are my jam. I love those stories.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:28

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# ? May 22, 2024 11:01

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

plumpy hole lever posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBCLXZmMQNs

loving animals man, the thais must hate them

e: beaten like a plate of shrimp

I remember the news story I read about this, how they stack all the buffet foods up and then take a photo, eat a few pieces, and then throw it away. The Thai people were mystified. Buffets are everywhere in China, so it makes no sense.

They just want to show how much they have. That's all Mainland status boils down to. "I can afford so much loving food even though I won't eat any of it. Look at meeeeeeee."

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:30

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