Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Dear goons,

Nobody gives a gently caress how much you drink.
Furthermore, nobody gives a gently caress what your thoughts are about whether or not someone is an alcoholic.

Thanks.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 01:45

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# ? May 11, 2024 14:01

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

u guys ever snorted vodka?

i did once, it had 2-ce in it and I was trying to get it in me faster

i freaked out when i looked in the mirror and half my face was shutdown

pretty cool really

# ? Aug 3, 2017 01:57

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

tactlessbastard posted:

Dear goons,

Nobody gives a gently caress how much you drink.
Furthermore, nobody gives a gently caress what your thoughts are about whether or not someone is an alcoholic.

Thanks.

I believe you'll find that it is you who doesn't care. What with all the posts about it.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 01:57

AKZ: Nov 5, 2009

I used to live in the USVI on St. Croix and drinking and driving is culturally accepted down there. You will get sent to terrible terrible island jail if you gently caress up and hit someone or run into a historic building (which they almost all are), but other than that they don't care. When you pick up a six pack on the way from work, without asking and as a courtesy, the clerk at the store will open one of them for you to drink as you drive away. It is actually pretty nice to be able to have four or five beers and drive home without the worry of a DUI. However, the roads are typically so bad that if you go more than forty miles an hour sober you run a high risk of going through a pot hole that will disable your vehicle, so in a sense drinking, driving, and speeding are somewhat self limiting. I just wanted to add this to the conversation, because when the clerk opened one of my beers for the first time it blew my mind. My mind was blown a second time going through a police insurance checkpoint with an open beer in the center console and being thanked by the officer that I was able to display insurance.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 02:14

armchairyoda: Sep 17, 2008; Melman

tactlessbastard posted:

Dear goons,

Nobody gives a gently caress how much you drink.
Furthermore, nobody gives a gently caress what your thoughts are about whether or not someone is an alcoholic.

Thanks.

I think the measurement of BAC was off in that chart... was that imperial or metric? Because it's only valid if it was

# ? Aug 3, 2017 02:59

Slowpoke Rodriguez: Jun 20, 2009

tactlessbastard posted:

Dear goons,

Nobody gives a gently caress how much you drink.
Furthermore, nobody gives a gently caress what your thoughts are about whether or not someone is an alcoholic.

Thanks.

You don't go far enough. No one cares about anything, don't post in threads, don't pm, don't make threads. Something Awful should be a completely blank webpage.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 03:25

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Viva Miriya posted:

I always thought having a beer with lunch was just being French. gently caress you need a beer in the morning for.

Breakfast of champions, friend

# ? Aug 3, 2017 03:29

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Yeah, if I'm super hung over a cold beer with hashbrowns fixes me right up.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 03:37

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

got any sevens posted:

The 1 hour myth is so pervasive.

The numbers on this appear to be close to too lenient for some jurisdictions.
Also, legally speaking, I'm not drunk so gently caress u pig

# ? Aug 3, 2017 03:39

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

crank a 9am beer on saturday and mow your lawns buzzed as gently caress on an empty stomach

pretty fun

# ? Aug 3, 2017 03:40

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

AKZ posted:

I used to live in the USVI on St. Croix and drinking and driving is culturally accepted down there. You will get sent to terrible terrible island jail if you gently caress up and hit someone or run into a historic building (which they almost all are), but other than that they don't care. When you pick up a six pack on the way from work, without asking and as a courtesy, the clerk at the store will open one of them for you to drink as you drive away. It is actually pretty nice to be able to have four or five beers and drive home without the worry of a DUI. However, the roads are typically so bad that if you go more than forty miles an hour sober you run a high risk of going through a pot hole that will disable your vehicle, so in a sense drinking, driving, and speeding are somewhat self limiting. I just wanted to add this to the conversation, because when the clerk opened one of my beers for the first time it blew my mind. My mind was blown a second time going through a police insurance checkpoint with an open beer in the center console and being thanked by the officer that I was able to display insurance.

daaang

# ? Aug 3, 2017 03:46

Space Camp fuckup: Aug 2, 2003

Jeff Sichoe posted:

crank a 9am beer on saturday and mow your lawns buzzed as gently caress on an empty stomach

pretty fun

# ? Aug 3, 2017 04:14

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

Honestly if I started my day with a beer I'd probably just feel lovely and tired by lunch. Having just one beer at a time makes me groggy and I can't imagine dragging that out over the whole workday.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 05:35

kazr: Jan 28, 2005

Atlas Hugged posted:

Honestly if I started my day with a beer I'd probably just feel lovely and tired by lunch. Having just one beer at a time makes me groggy and I can't imagine dragging that out over the whole workday.

When your body comes to expect a beer to function normally drinking just one beer will make you feel great! Give it a try!

# ? Aug 3, 2017 05:47

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

If you're driving drunk, just drive faster so you spend less time on the road. It's simple really.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:17

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

Jeff Sichoe posted:

u guys ever snorted vodka?

i did once, it had 2-ce in it and I was trying to get it in me faster

i freaked out when i looked in the mirror and half my face was shutdown

pretty cool really

my brother told me 2c-i being snorted was so painful he tried snorting some water to flush it through so i can see this hurting a lot lol

# ? Aug 3, 2017 09:24

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

maybe a new fesh, since everyone is established as a teetotaller or a raging alkie itt.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 12:14

Neutrino: Mar 8, 2006; Fallen Rib

I'd actually like to see charts for all the different things distracting things while driving and how they equate to drinking. Talking on your cell phone, texting, arguing with your passenger. putting on eye makeup, changing radio stations, etc. I'm pretty sure everyone of them is at least equivalent to drinking one beer and poo poo like texting is like being blind drunk after smoking ten joints.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 12:49

Marmaduke!: May 19, 2009; Why would it do that!?

limp_cheese posted:

That rape screed is really weird although I love how in the first one they need to make clear that the guy doing the raping is black. Nowhere else is race even brought up but for some reason you NEED to know in that first one the guy doing the raping is a black man.

It's nice that he didn't assume that it went without saying, I suppose?

# ? Aug 3, 2017 13:03

Fried Watermelon: Dec 29, 2008

AKZ posted:

I used to live in the USVI on St. Croix and drinking and driving is culturally accepted down there. You will get sent to terrible terrible island jail if you gently caress up and hit someone or run into a historic building (which they almost all are), but other than that they don't care. When you pick up a six pack on the way from work, without asking and as a courtesy, the clerk at the store will open one of them for you to drink as you drive away. It is actually pretty nice to be able to have four or five beers and drive home without the worry of a DUI. However, the roads are typically so bad that if you go more than forty miles an hour sober you run a high risk of going through a pot hole that will disable your vehicle, so in a sense drinking, driving, and speeding are somewhat self limiting. I just wanted to add this to the conversation, because when the clerk opened one of my beers for the first time it blew my mind. My mind was blown a second time going through a police insurance checkpoint with an open beer in the center console and being thanked by the officer that I was able to display insurance.

When I was in China I went to a 7/11 for some beers and asked the clerk for a bottle opener because my hotel didn't have one in the room. Dude just opened my beers right there himself

# ? Aug 3, 2017 14:05

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Fried Watermelon posted:

When I was in China I went to a 7/11 for some beers and asked the clerk for a bottle opener because my hotel didn't have one in the room. Dude just opened my beers right there himself

What an rear end in a top hat. Did you slam them all in the store and buy more to take home and enjoy?

# ? Aug 3, 2017 14:09

armchairyoda: Sep 17, 2008; Melman

Solice Kirsk posted:

What an rear end in a top hat. Did you slam them all in the store and buy more to take home and enjoy?

I got this FW...

*clears throat*
No why.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 15:15

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

Two years ago, my family and I attended a wedding. My cousin M showed up, which was a surprise to everyone since many of us hadn't seen or even spoken to him in years. Not for any real reason, he's just a bit of a loner. So it was nice to see him.
He and my sister always got along well when they were young, so they spent most of the weekend hanging out together.
A few weeks later, my sister called me. She was drunk and manic, asking me if I'd love her no matter what. I said yes, and she told me that she was dating M. To be honest, I wasn't that surprised. Of course, I was weirded out and told her she needed to tell our (and his) parents. She agreed, and a couple of days later they went to my parents' house with my aunt and uncle present, and explained the situation to them.
I wasn't there, but apparently they all reluctantly agreed this was okay.
They dated for less than a year, then broke up. I never thought in my life I'd say the words "I'm relieved that my sister and cousin are no longer dating."
For a while my sister bitched to me about him, about how controlling and manipulative he is, then forgot about him. Or so I thought.
A few days ago, she texted me, telling me she had some great news. I called her, and she told me that she's pregnant. With M's baby. With our cousin's baby. She's due in March.
I'm going to have a niece or nephew. And a second cousin.
I guess the point of this confession is that I don't know if I'll ever be able to love this kid as an uncle should. I'll always know it's inbred. I'll look at its face and see only features from my existing family. It'll have the good genes from our family, but also the bad ones. And the worst part is that none of it will be the child's fault.
My parents are upset, but they've once again agreed that it's okay, basically saying it's her life and she can do what she wants. No one seems to be thinking of how this is going to affect the kid. One day he or she is going to find out that their parents are cousins. That'll mess with anyone's mind.
There's more, but I'm tired. Ask questions, give advice, make snarky comments. loquacius has a code word from me.

yikes

dude your sister cray

quote:

I like to tell men online that my uncle molested me just to see what the real perverts will say and talk about. It is not at all shocking how many of them really get into the idea.

No one ever touched me but I've found it a handy way to get people to be more honest.

is the context for this, like, dating sites or something

# ? Aug 3, 2017 15:55

Tinestram: Jan 13, 2006; Excalibur? More like "Needle"; Grimey Drawer

Uncle Cousin, as long as the kid is in a loving home and the information is presented in a not-overwrought manner, they'll be just fine. Single-generation cousin-level inbreeding is seriously loving nothing compared to the royals around the world. Relax.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 15:59

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

I'll always know it's inbred

Not to get all Arkansaw here, but that isn't really very inbred. Just a touch.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 16:02

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

I think I read somewhere that first cousin kids are fine, as long as you don't keep at it generation after generation

# ? Aug 3, 2017 16:03

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Yeah I would never recommend it, but at this point the only thing you can do is get on board. It used to be way more common, Darwin married his first cousin.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 16:06

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

I guess it all depends on which state you live in for the legality of it all. The kid itself should be fine, just make sure you do the full battery of genetic tests early in the pregnancy to make sure it doesn't have any problems. It's weird, but eh. Globally it's not all that uncommon, but some places come down even harder on it than the US does.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 16:10

McGavin: Sep 18, 2012

The increase in risk of genetic defects from first cousins is the same as that from a woman giving birth at 41 instead of 30, so genetically it's not that bad. Like 4 or 5% instead of 3%. Darwin and Einstein both married their first cousins.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 16:29

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

All humans came from a stock of about 100, so we're all cousins

# ? Aug 3, 2017 16:51

Mr.Tophat: Apr 7, 2007; You clearly don't understand joke development

I'd advise that you really get that kid into Game of Thrones, and make them understand that the Lannisters are rolemodels in every regard

# ? Aug 3, 2017 17:24

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

loquacius posted:

is the context for this, like, dating sites or something

Nah, just SA.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 18:02

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

holy loving moley my dude. My family would've disowned them both and rightly so.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 18:12

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

got any sevens posted:

All humans came from a stock of about 100, so we're all cousins

Yeah, we almost went extinct, not that long ago, in global terms.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 18:38

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

AKZ posted:

I used to live in the USVI on St. Croix and drinking and driving is culturally accepted down there. You will get sent to terrible terrible island jail if you gently caress up and hit someone or run into a historic building (which they almost all are), but other than that they don't care. When you pick up a six pack on the way from work, without asking and as a courtesy, the clerk at the store will open one of them for you to drink as you drive away. It is actually pretty nice to be able to have four or five beers and drive home without the worry of a DUI. However, the roads are typically so bad that if you go more than forty miles an hour sober you run a high risk of going through a pot hole that will disable your vehicle, so in a sense drinking, driving, and speeding are somewhat self limiting. I just wanted to add this to the conversation, because when the clerk opened one of my beers for the first time it blew my mind. My mind was blown a second time going through a police insurance checkpoint with an open beer in the center console and being thanked by the officer that I was able to display insurance.

Can confirm, I live in the USVI and everyone drives drunk AND with their high beams on the second the sun goes down. Two reasons I never drive at night if I can help it.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 18:59

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

This thread:

# ? Aug 3, 2017 19:05

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

ElGroucho posted:

I think I read somewhere that first cousin kids are fine, as long as you don't keep at it generation after generation

A dude posted:

Yeah I would never recommend it, but at this point the only thing you can do is get on board. It used to be way more common, Darwin married his first cousin.

Basically this. Up until ~300 years ago, the vast majority of marriages were between third cousins or closer. It's only when you have multiple generations of inbreeding that the recessive genes start to pile up.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 19:27

COMRADES: Apr 3, 2017; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

epsilon posted:

shut up

Heh

It's true though.

quote:

In 1938, thanks to research by the American Medical Association and the National Safety Council, 0.15 percent became the first commonly-used legal limit for blood alcohol concentration (BAC).

# ? Aug 3, 2017 19:51

Irradiation: Sep 14, 2005; I understand your frustration.

At a time when the national speed limit was 35 mph and doctors recommended cigarettes as healthy.

# ? Aug 3, 2017 20:26

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# ? May 11, 2024 14:01

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

oh thanks guys that reminds me *opens beer*

more feshes please

# ? Aug 3, 2017 20:58

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