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May 29, 2024 14:20
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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There's something to be said for a reasonable amount of alcohol as idea lubricant, as you're less crippled by indecision and doubt. Just gotta edit when you're sober.
It's basically the Friday the 13th game in real life: the players take on the role of camp counselors at a camp in 1986 under attack by an undead slasher, and they need to trek across the campgrounds to complete objectives and get past the killer. I'm hoping to have it ready to run in the 2018 haunt season.
One of my drunken ideas was having a player sneak into a tent or something to put a cassette in a tape deck and play hair metal really loudly to lure the killer away from everyone else.
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Aug 9, 2017 16:02
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Also have some [AUTISTIC SCREECHING NOISES]
My bf [27M] is pissed off because I [24f] spoke up at the restaurant
I could see the guy being such a big doormat that he'd be unwilling to bring it up himself but it's weird that he would then argue with his gf about it. Not even just argue but flat out yell at her. It's like his "stand up for himself" sense is literally the opposite of what it should be.
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Aug 9, 2017 16:26
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- Clark Nova
- Jul 18, 2004
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The dude who wrote the really esoteric Morrowind lore supposedly locked himself in a shed and got blackout drunk for a weekend to get the initial writing done. Getting out of your head can be useful!
My tinder date [3000 m/f/?] bit new words into my rape spear.
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Aug 9, 2017 16:27
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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Last night at dinner my (26F) BF (26M-5 years) were sat next to a obnoxious (mentally ill) woman (60s/70s?) on her phone loudly talking about Christianity/hellfire/damnation. He told her "everything you're saying is b---s---." we are fighting now.
quote:Oh boy where to begin...
BF and I went to dinner at his favorite restaurant (outback) to celebrate a small promotion/award he got at work. I know it's Not formal but at the same time you expect people to not be screaming into their phone in the booth behind you.
As we were eating our salads this older lady was sat behind us, she was on her phone when she came in and stayed on her phone the whole time. And it was loud, I mean I could hear every word loud. Shortly we realized she was really going off about Christianity. It was like a real hell fire and brimstone sermon right behind us (did you know the pentacost is the exact second the church was born? I didn't until last night).
Another table complained and the lady told the manager she'd be done in three seconds (manager really didn't want to deal with her) but she went on and after the complaint she started saying stuff like "all the non believers (I guess us?) would live with burning eyes but still seeing their sins in hell forever." It seemed crazy personal as she was gesturing at everyone sat around her.
My boyfriend stood up walked around to her booth and said "excuse me" and waited for her to take the phone away from her ear and said "ma'am, everything you are saying and everything you believe is bull poo poo."
This woman exploded, I mean exploded and jumped out out the booth at him saying even crazier stuff than she had before. She was swinging her arms at him and I really thought she was going to hit him. I guess the manager had already called the mall security and they were there pretty quickly shortly followed by the police who escorted her out. The manager had her food boxed up and went with her...no idea what happened to her as the whole scene was gone by the time we got outside.
The manager came over and apologized to all the tables and gave us half off our bill which was nice. I despise confrontation so I was almost frozen with disbelief and it took me getting in the car before I could speak and I was very angry with him. My point to him was she was crazy, we could have left, we could have asked to move, basically a million things before we draw attention to ourselves from a crazy person and get stabbed or shot or worse.
His point was he was deeply offended at was she was saying, she ruined our dinner and the manager talking to her politely didn't work so he tried something else--his point was it worked.
My point is so what if he was dead laying on the ground with a steak knife in his heart--who cares if it worked? We should have just avoided her. And the security obviously would have showed up anyways.
We were supposed to have a nice casual but romantic evening but my desire to avoid conflict took over and i stopped speaking to him and just wanted to be taken home. We didn't do our usual goodbye and I didn't sleep last night.
How do we resolve this between us? If I'm wrong I'll apologize for sure but I don't think I am.
tl;dr: Boyfriend confronted a crazy person at dinner last night and it freaked me out so bad I can't even speak to him. How do we resolve this?
I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, good on him for confronting some rear end in a top hat in public, but on the other hand, going up to an obviously crazy person and being that hostile to them is just dumping gasoline on a fire. Ultimately, I think the girlfriend is right and he probably shouldn't have done anything.
However, an insightful reddit commenter nailed the real underlying issue:
quote:Also, favorite restaurant is Outback? Dump and go no contact.
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Aug 9, 2017 16:37
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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How many books did Stephen King write which high out of his mind?
Literally all of the good ones.
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Aug 9, 2017 16:48
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- Acres of Quakers
- May 6, 2006
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How many books did Stephen King write which high out of his mind?
All the "good" ones.
Edit: beaten ^
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Aug 9, 2017 16:48
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- Owlbear Camus
- Jan 3, 2013
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Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?
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I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, good on him for confronting some rear end in a top hat in public, but on the other hand, going up to an obviously crazy person and being that hostile to them is just dumping gasoline on a fire. Ultimately, I think the girlfriend is right and he probably shouldn't have done anything.
Usually I'm pretty down on the whole "Ha your Jesus God is just like the flying spaghetti monster" dork stuff, but it sounds like this lady was bein' pretty disruptive to everyone's Outback fine dining experience.
I'm 20 and have been supporting my Non-English speaking parents since I was 15. I'm getting ready to move out and I have no idea how they'll survive without me.Non-Romantic
quote:
Hey guys. Thanks for reading first of all.
My parents are both immigrants from Keiv, Ukraine. They were both classically trained in fine art, painting/drawing etc in a very strict Soviet university. They came here around ~25 years ago. They're both in their mid-60s and somewhere along the line, they lost the will to learn English beyond their current broken abilities. When I became more or less of an adult, they realized that they could rely on me to solve a lot of their problems. I have been at their side and helping them for many years, as I should, the child always has an obligation to help their parents in need. I have been doing all the phone calls, medical documents, all the mail, emails, bills, taxes, pretty much anything that requires heavy use of the English language. My father works at an antique restoration job he owns, and my mother works with my father. This does not bring enough money home, so for the last 5 years, we have been using eBay as a means to even us out. We have been selling anything and everything antiques, cameras, clothing, and mostly jewelry. When I say "we", I mean "me". I have had to miss school, work, and social stuff (hanging out with friends or girlfriend) because they needed help with eBay. It is the least favorite thing in my life right now. But that's life.
Unfortunately, eBay has suspended our first account due to too many "Item does not match description" complaints. I only write what they tell me to write. Unfortunately the frugal nature of the Ukrainian people shines through in this situation. My dad is kind of a scammer, and I don't think he even knows it. I tried to explain it to him, but he thinks he's always right, as most fathers do. He then told me to make a fake 2nd account on eBay to sell crap off of, which is about 200x more "against the rules", (I warned him), but either way I had to do it and a week later (today) it got removed.
As you can probably tell by now, we do not bring much money home. But recently things have been getting to a crucial point.
The home that we live in is hemorrhaging money. Every month, they need to pay the mortgage that they usually don't have enough money for, and I can't do much but give them the cash. I think they are delusional to the reality that we are throwing money into a fire pit, since this is not going to last forever. Me giving them money so often along with my boss cutting my work hours has absolutely derailed my life, as I barely have enough money anymore to feed myself. I have been relying on a very very kind instructor I have who gives me 5 dollars 2 times a week to go buy a sandwich and drink at the school vending machines.
My education is another branch of this disgusting tree- this life at home along with my job has began to interfere with my education as well. I feel absolutely no motivation to get up in the morning for school anymore, as my diet and sleep schedule have taken a huge dive too. My grades have been slipping, and as of yesterday, I have withdrawn from school. I have 6 months to figure things out, and my steps are as follows.
Get my parents into a position where they can make money for themselves.
Get my parents relocated to a less expensive living environment, where they can actually pull a profit from their jobs.
Move out to a location nearby where I can still help when it is absolutely necessary, (and most importantly) where I can focus my time, energy, and money into a life where I can be healthy and happy enough to be a functional student.
The problem is, I have no idea how to begin this process. We are so deep in this hole we are losing faith every day and finding less and less reasons to enjoy life. For those of you who may be reading who have Ukrainian or eastern euro. parents or relatives, you know how dramatic and emotional they can get at times. This is contributing to a lifestyle that continues to keep me underneath their thumb. And I am not willing to stay there. I am reaching out to reddit for help, this should be enough indication of where we're at.
If you guys have any advice or good luck wishes, your words won't go un-noticed. Thank you all again for reading.
Edit:
I want to stress on the fact that my father is not an outwardly evil malicious eBay scammer, as we have near 2000 positive feedbacks. His specific flavor of "scamming" is , for example, selling a camera, never testing it out of lazyness, and listing it as "perfectly functional and tested." Or he will scout for prices on his item based on the price of the highest-end model, when he actually has the low-end model. Anyway, today they both resent me because I couldn't get their eBay account magically fixed. Today was also my first day out of school and out of work, and they have already had enough of it and are egging me on to go back to work.
I did however, speak to a lawyer. He thinks the best plan is to apply for bankruptcy. They won't have to make payments on the house for 3-4 years, where they can easily save up 20,000 dollars. At that point, they can either pay off their debt or move, and if they move, they get another 15,000 dollars due to some law. I plan to be living somewhere else at that point. My brother has offered me a place to stay, but his situation is not ideal either. He lives with his wife, and their 3 children. This is going to be a temporary stay for me, as soon as my parents have had enough of my ungratefulness. We do live in Evanston, IL, which is the closest suburb to Chicago. We are 1 street away from the Evanston/Chicago border. I have no idea how to begin the apartment searching/roommate searching process.
TL:DR: My parents have lived here for ~25 years and don't speak much English. Parents rely on me for everything. They are going to loose their house soon, I am trying to move out, and have no idea how to go about the situation.
Sucks but that young man definitely needs to spread his wings and leave the nest, even if it's gonna fall apart without him.
Owlbear Camus fucked around with this message at 16:58 on Aug 9, 2017
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Aug 9, 2017 16:48
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- Owlbear Camus
- Jan 3, 2013
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Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?
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drat. I want to date a man like this.
My [23 M] boyfriend sold me [21F] his 2012 diesel F350 for $1.75?!? How do I pay him back?!?!?Relationships
quote:
This sounds absolutely ridiculous, but this happened today. He is a heavy equipment mechanic at a fly in work camp in the really far north and he fly's in again this week and will be gone for another two weeks :/ but then has 6 straight weeks of paid holidays when he comes back. I just moved into his house during his last 2 weeks home and he JUST told me that he owns the drat place. I only ever asked why he was doing renovations all the time (before I moved in with him) and he just said "well the landlord is kinda a dick and is just fixing the place until he can sell this house and build a real home with his 'special lady' (!) when the time comes. Also kinda because this ghetto area is pretty lovely" I feel stupid for not registering something in my head......
He came back to his (our?) house today in a brand new Platinum F450 (I asked why not just a new F350 and he just said "my dick felt small when I was ordering a 350 so I compensated" [its not]) after his friend picked him up this morning just before lunch. I know he can afford it because he isn't even a journeyman yet and I sneaked a look at his pay stub once (I wanted to make sure he wasn't like a drug dealer or something) and he earns almost $80 a hour regular time with overtime written as "2.5x Reg Rat". I know he works 4-6 overtime hours a day to. But showing up randomly in a new super expensive vehicle is still showing up in a new super expensive vehicle and him saying "yeah well I got 2 years to finish paying for it" is supposed to make me feel better about it or something?
He never lets me pay for anything. EVER. He wanted to pay for my classes at University too but I wouldn't let him, but my bestie told he me said exactly this when we were all drinking once: "yeah well when I steal her away those loans are paid a week after its all said and done and I don't care what Martha Stuart has to say about it". I don't know anyone named Martha so I don't know why he would be talking about the cooking show lady, but I guess he was slightly drunk and his sense of humor is pretty weird in the first place. I really don't know what to think about that, and all my BFF said was "well duh he like really really likes you"....thanks Sherlock! But as I was saying I have to physically hand the cashier/waitress/bar tender/gas station people the money I want to pay them. If I don't and I hand it to him the same EXACT paper money bill will end up in my purse like a day later even thought the till people got paid!?!?. It is pretty frustrating not being 'allowed' to pay for anything (he has never actually said that I am not allowed to do anything), but he says he should pay for stuff because I am a "broke rear end student with a expensive coffee habit that needs her cash in her pockets in case the soviet union attacks like in red dawn from the 80's". When he said that I just gave him the "wtf" face and blank stare and then shook my head. Then for a week straight he would randomly text me "Wolverines!". I pretty much gave up trying to pay for stuff when we go out and do stuff together.
But to the title of this, he was "trying" (as in he put a contact email that he never checks like ever) to sell his 2012 Ford king ranch F350 because he "wanted a new one and because the 2012 is like old"..... Yesterday I was driving in MY cute little 1996 Chevy S10 mini truck and it broke down. My boyfriend looked at it with his "magic eyes but mostly just tools" when he picked me and my truck up with his trailer and told me that the "tranny grenaded finally". I know that the transmission was bad because like a week before I met my boyfriend my dad paid to have it taken to a shop to have it checked over because it has almost 300,000km on it. I guess its a safety thing, and that mechanic said the transmission had "a couple weeks left in its life left".
Anyways fast forward a week or two and I met him and we were talking (obviously) and it eventually got on to me going to school and him working etc etc etc. He said he could "swap that poo poo out dawg" (if he wasn't 6'5 and super jacked he would probably look and sound like a super nerdy ultra loser suburban kid) which he did. Three times (well kinda 4 times). First two were from wrecker yard and the third was like one that made totally new from a old one?
All three of those broke and each lasted no longer then 2 weeks (he only put them on he didn't open them up or anything). They usually broke just before or just after he would get home from work, so I think he was getting kind of frustrated. He ended up putting on the original one and put almost no actual oil in, but he almost filled it all with "Lucas oil" and it worked for a long time. He ended up putting the original back on 1 1/2 months into dating, and that was 8 months ago. In that time he replaced pretty much everything on the front of my little truck on the front bottom part where the wheels turn and go up and down on the road and stuff for "safe safety reasons so its safe".
BUT THEN YESTERDAY, I was pretty sad because that was MY truck that was being hauled on the deck of his trailer (it was pretty fun steering while he pushed it up onto the trailer though) and I wasn't sure what I was going to do because my boyfriend lives kinda far from the university and the bus service here is horrible and the connections are even worse and I started having a panic attack. I cried in front of him for the first time yesterday. He ended up just picking me up like I weighed 5 pounds and sitting me on his lap, told me "you look really pretty when you cry, but I don't like seeing you sad"  then said "my 5 foot princess, we will figure something out. We always do". It was a pretty good cuddle, pizza and other stuff night after that.
THEN TODAY when he came home and showed me his new truck and stuff and said "do you want to go buy a coffee? I'll drive" (he doesn't drink coffee) and I said yes (because as lame as it sounds I was excited that he actually wanted me to pay for something when I am with him) and brought my "European - lipstick and 500 other things bag" (my purse). Off we went to the tiny little "hipster shack" (as he calls it) coffee shop that we go to often [that he just drinks iced tea at lol]. I got him his ice tea and me my coffee and he didn't complain about me paying for something for once. Then he said "how much change do you have with you?" I looked and I had 7 quarters for a total of $1.75. I told him I had 7 quarters and he said "want to buy something right now?" I said "YES" (I know I shouldn't be excited over spending $1.75, but I was).
He said "hand it over then" and I gave him my 7 quarters with a weird look attached and he reached into his pocket and took out his keys for his 2012 F350 and set them down on the table in front of me. He said "You need a vehicle, and I can't just give away the king ranch for free. So you just bought the bro wagon, don't worry about fuel for a while thought, that is included in the price".
I think I looked like a loonie toon cartoon because my jaw probably dropped to the floor. I tried to take my 7 quarters back but he took them and put them in one of those jelly bean machine things and bought 7 quarters worth of jelly beans (that he tormented me with all day by tossing them at my bum whenever I stood up/walked past/did anything). I tried to say more then once that he can't just give me his truck for 7 drat quarters, but all he has said all day was "Nope the contract is sealed in the blood of jelly beans young one".
I don't know what to do really. I know he has done a whole lot of stuff to his (my?) old(?) truck because he showed me a video of his truck at the kinda close drag racing place from last summer. The time was just over 10 seconds and I know its crazy fast because he likes to race pretty much everyone at every intersection ever. I know its a very expensive vehicle that my boyfriend gave to me for the price of not even a handful of jelly beans. How in gods name do I pay him back? What do I do for him in return? He won't let me spend money on him ever except like Christmas time. He will be gone pretty much all of tomorrow helping his uncle fix something and then will be gone off to work for two weeks. I want to do something nice/awesome for when he gets back (I will admit though I do not have a lot of money to do much with), but I don't know what to do. Yes the obvious will get said and it has and will be continued to be done (we both agreed that doing that often is part of a healthy relationship) often.
He gave me one of his credit cards to use for "fuel, lady daily survival products and like some pizza if your hungry yo" too.
tl;dr boyfriend of almost 10 months sold me a uber 2012 diesel F350 for $1.75 because my 1996 mini truck broke badly and I need something to do/give to him to make up for being handed a truck and use of his credit card + living in his house and eating food for free.
EDIT: He does actually save money. He has a tax free savings account and a RRSP and savings accounts and a tiny government pension from service. He doesn't just throw money into a trash can.
For a start, save up another handful of quarters for a good size thing of silicon-based lubricant...
Owlbear Camus fucked around with this message at 16:59 on Aug 9, 2017
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Aug 9, 2017 16:52
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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How many books did Stephen King write which high out of his mind?
After getting hit by a van and being laid up, he probably had plenty of time to crank out books while high on painkillers.
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Aug 9, 2017 16:53
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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Pac-Manioc Root, please start adding in paragraph breaks like I do and not just dumping the text straight from Reddit, it makes it way easier to read.
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Aug 9, 2017 16:56
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- LGD
- Sep 25, 2004
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After getting hit by a van and being laid up, he probably had plenty of time to crank out books while high on painkillers.
pretty sure the evidence clearly suggests that Stephen King needs a moderate level of many kinds of drugs to function at peak performance
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Aug 9, 2017 17:00
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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Fine, but not because you told me to, DAD.
*rustles your hair* Thanks, sport/champ/pal.
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Aug 9, 2017 17:03
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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drat. I want to date a man like this.
My [23 M] boyfriend sold me [21F] his 2012 diesel F350 for $1.75?!? How do I pay him back?!?!?Relationships
For a start, save up another handful of quarters for a good size thing of silicon-based lubricant...
Lock that poo poo down, honey.
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Aug 9, 2017 17:10
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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I [24f] found something alarming in my boyfriend's [28m] reddit history.
quote:I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now with no major issues. We have discussed the logistics of a future together (finances, career, family, religion, etc) and have acknowledged that we will likely get married. We live together currently.
I never used reddit prior to this post. I was using my boyfriend's laptop because I wanted to order something on his Amazon Prime account and accidentally stumbled upon a post he made about proposing to me (!!!!). I know I ruined my own surprise, but I was too excited to stop and prodded a bit further until I found his comment history. This is the part that baffles me.
My boyfriend never posted any other title aside from the one mentioning he would propose, however he has posted several replies to random reddit people in other messageboards. These messages, however, were completely false and usually used to motivate someone. A few examples:
Someone in the fitness messageboard: "I am disabled and my girlfriend never wants to have sex with me. I've tried lifting my upper body for strength but I feel so undesired. I want to kill myself."
My boyfriend: "Hey man, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm disabled also and I have amazing sex with my girlfriend. It takes a lot of planning on what positions work but I met a girl who accepts me for who I am and is happy to be with me. Please don't hurt yourself."
He is not disabled.
Someone in the nutrition messageboard: I am really insecure about my tummy and chubby sides. I hate working out because I feel like everyone at the gym is staring at my fat. I hardly go out to bars and clubs because I feel like no one will be interested in me compared to my skinnier friends."
Boyfriend: That's not true. Guys are into different things, and confidence is the key to being attractive. My girlfriend was overweight when I met her and she was the only one who I have ever been interested in. I knew I was interested in her (yes, physically) the moment I met her. Don't be so tough on yourself.
I have never been overweight.
Poster from the AskReddit messageboard: I dropped out of school and now I am too afraid to go out and make something of myself. I have no degree and probably can't get a job. I'm so afraid of failure that I am stuck in this vicious cycle of feeling like a loser. Boyfriend: You can change things around for yourself. I dropped out after flunking a semester of college. I lived with my parents for 3 years and did nothing but play videogames. I eventually got sick of myself and began to work at a coffee shop. Minimum wage but it gave me something to do. Then I met local artists that would perform at the coffee shop and through hanging out with them, I met a lot of cool friends that were into things I previously wasn't into (dropped out of school because I pursued computer science, which I hated.) Now I am a part of a startup with my friend (met in said coffee shop) which helps homeless youth perform, earn an income, and keep them off the streets. I love my job and can now pay my own rent, support myself, and go on nice vacations! You can do anything man. Just gotto take the first step.
False. My boyfriend went to arguably the #1 Ivy League school in America and graduated at the top of his class. Then he went to grad school in another Top 3 Ivy School and now works for a very good company. He never dropped out of school or did any of the aforementioned things.
These are just a few (paraphrased) examples of TONS of messages. On one hand, I am super confused if my bf has a personality disorder in which he confuses reality with fantasy? Or if he just wishes he lived another life? Who posts things like this for fun? On the other hand, I am happy that he is at least a nice guy that tries to help other people. I met my boyfriend in high school where he was the stereotypical "it" guy. Super athletic, homecoming king, football captain, attractive, you name it. We reconnected in college and began dating shortly after. It strikes me as odd that someone who seemingly had it easy (he was a smart kid but people always liked him) goes this much out of his way to make others feel better about themselves. I would understand this better if he were insecure or bullied growing up.
I feel like I don't know who I am going to marry. The post in which he was going to propose to me seems legitimate (he gave an accurate history of our relationship) but even that... I dunno. I don't even know how to bring this up! Especially because it involves me telling him that I found his proposal page. But I also don't want to wait until after the proposal to discuss this because I can't say yes to someone who I feel like I don't know.
tl;dr: Boyfriend leaves fictional messages on reddit which are solely to make others feel better. I love him a lot and am kind of happy he is such a sweetheart, but worried this might be more serious/indicative of a personality disorder. What should I do?
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Aug 9, 2017 17:12
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- sout
- Apr 24, 2014
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There's always at least one.
check his reddit history please
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Aug 9, 2017 17:21
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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I could see the guy being such a big doormat that he'd be unwilling to bring it up himself but it's weird that he would then argue with his gf about it. Not even just argue but flat out yell at her. It's like his "stand up for himself" sense is literally the opposite of what it should be.
there are a poo poo ton of people out there who are scrupulously polite and considerate when being an rear end in a top hat might have consequences or get them yelled at back, and carefully cultivate dependents and family members who'll put up with anything so they can be the biggest pieces of poo poo in the world in private. they aren't autistic or confused about social propriety they're just cowardly sadists.
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 17:26 on Aug 9, 2017
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Aug 9, 2017 17:23
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- Ride The Gravitron
- May 2, 2008
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by FactsAreUseless
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drat. I want to date a man like this.
My [23 M] boyfriend sold me [21F] his 2012 diesel F350 for $1.75?!? How do I pay him back?!?!?Relationships
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Aug 9, 2017 17:36
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Me [24F] with my SO [27M] of 1 year, he destroyed a sentimental item of mine and sees nothing wrong with it because of the circumstances.
quote:Didn't mean for this to get so long but it seems it has. Thank you in advance for reading.
Me - 24 female
SO - 27 male (let's call him Eugene)
My sister - female (deceased 2 years, let's call her Carrie)
Background about my sister: Two years ago, my sister was killed in a car accident. She was riding with a friend to the mall (the friend's parent was driving), and teenage boy plowed through a red light while texting on his phone and hit the car my sister, Carrie, was in. Carrie was killed instantly and her friend, June, was in a coma for 3 weeks before her parents took her off life support. When Carrie passed I was devastated and angry and just not in a good place.
Carrie and I had been extremely close. Despite a 7 year age gap between us, we enjoyed a lot of the same shows, we went to concerts together, we volunteered together, and I took it upon myself to guide Carrie like any big sister would do. Our parents were extremely busy with work most days and Carrie and I would often cook together and do crafts when we weren't too busy with school work. Carrie wanted to be a NICU nurse when she grew up and I helped her find a volunteer position at a local hospital to help get her gain some experience being around patients. In short, Carrie was my sister and best friend and when she passed, I was a mess.
The last craft Carrie and I made together was a set of candles. We bought the wax at a local craft store and we both made each other a candle and decorated the jar it was in. That was the day before she was killed. At her funeral, Carrie was buried with the candle I made her. The candle Carrie made me sits on my desk next to my favorite picture of her and I together at the beach. Or it did, until last week.
Background about my boyfriend: I met my boyfriend about a year and half ago (about 6 months after Carrie passed). I wasn't looking for a relationship; I was still grieving my sister's death. But Eugene came along and it was love at first site. He was extremely supportive, let me cry on him when I needed to, didn't push me into getting over grieving or anything. He was extremely gentleman about everything and very, very patient. After six months of seeing each other pretty regularly, we made it official.
Eugene came into my life at a very low point and he has always been very respectful of sentiments I keep from my sister. Never asking me to take them down, always giving me space when I needed to cry. Eugene, along with most, if not all, of my friends and family know about Carrie's candle. There was a point after she died where I would take the candle with me everywhere out of fear that someone might light it, or steal it, or who knows what. The point is, that candle was and still is a very important part of my life and something that my sister made for me and me alone.
When Eugene and I moved in together about 4 months ago, I packed away most of the reminders of my sister and put out the candle and picture on my desk. I felt that this was a huge step because when I'd lived just by myself I had pictures everywhere and a few knick-knacks laying around from my sister. I wanted to make Eugene and I's home our home with just a small part of my sister there. Eugene understood and was very supportive!
The Issue: Last week, we had a massive winter storm that knocked out power. We didn't have power for 3+ days. The power was knocked out at Eugene and I's house while I was at work (which did not lose power). Eugene texted me that he was going to light some candles and try and get a generator so we could have some for of power or at least be able to charge our phones/use lights/etc.
Now, we have probably 30+ candles in our house. I am a huge fan of sales and when Bath & Body Works has a candle sale, I like to stock up and get a range of scents. We have candles scattered all over our house. In the room where my desk is, there are no candles aside from the one Carrie made me. None at all and there never has been. This room is also downstairs, where Eugene doesn't spend a lot of time (his desk is upstairs).
When I arrived home from work last week, I noticed a bunch of candles burning in our living room (safely! always monitored and not near anything that could ignite). One of these candles was the candle that Carrie had made me. I burst into tears and when Eugene heard me crying he came out from the bedroom (where he was lighting more candles) and ask what was wrong.
I was a wreck and couldn't get any words out. When he tried to calm me down, I shoved past him and locked myself in the room where my desk was and just cried. I don't know how he could be so stupid. He knew and I thought he understood how sentimental the candle was and how much I cherished having a candle that my now deceased sister had spent time making with me just a day before she was killed.
I haven't been able to speak to Eugene since it happened (Tuesday of last week). He has tried to explain why he did it, because he needed candles to be able to see but I just can't wrap my head around it. He hadn't gotten into the large candle stash I have upstairs right by the living room where Carrie's candle was but went downstairs, out of the way to grab the most sentimental, cherished item I have.
The candle was burning most of the day while I was at work and is now melted and pretty much gone. I do still have the jar it was in but I can't look at it without bursting into tears.
Reddit, what do I do? Eugene says it was an accident but I just don't believe that. He said he was getting around to lighting the candle surplus we have upstairs but just hadn't gotten there yet (after being home ~6 hours alone with no power). I am heartbroken and feel like this is a major slap in the face. I feel disrespected. I feel like he disrespected my sister. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can forgive him for this. Can or should I try to work past this?
tl;dr: Boyfriend burned a candle my deceased sister made for me because we were without power. We have a surplus of candles that he completely ignored. Can/should I forgive him for this? If so, how?
[Update] Me [24F] with my SO [27M] of 1 year, he destroyed a sentimental item of mine and sees nothing wrong with it because of the circumstances.
quote:A few people have PM'd me in recent days asking for an update so here it goes.
My original post was the day before Thanksgiving. Eugene and I had planned to spend Thanksgiving with my parents but that did not end up happening.
On my way home from work, I stopped at a local craft store to pick up supplies to make a new memorial candle for Carrie. Thank you /u/70ms for the amazing, heartfelt suggestion. My parents and I spend a day remembering Carrie and making a new candle using some of the wax from the original candle. I also ended up purchasing a locket and having some of the remaining wax from the candle put inside and the locket welded shut by a friend.
On the evening of my post, I got home and Eugene said he wanted to talk. I agreed we needed to clear the air before Thanksgiving so we sat in the living room and started to talk. I was not ready for what he told me.
A few commentors from my original post seemed to hit the nail on the head in a way. Eugene told me that when we first met, he was extremely turned on by the fact that I was essentially a damsel in distress. I just lost my sister recently, I was in a massive depression, I wasn't myself. And that turned him on both sexually and in a "protective" way.
Over the past few months, I've started to become more myself. I got promoted at my job, I've joined a cooking class and have gotten out more, and I've definitely moved away from being a damsel in distress in the eyes of Eugene.
He went on to explain that he burned the candle in hopes that it would throw me back into that phase because that is the only time he felt he was attracted to me. That's right, he is not attracted to me unless I'm upset, crying, and a damsel in distress. When I prodded for more information, he told me that every one prior to me that he had dated had either just experienced a loss or was "in need of rescuing".
Eugene told me he was no longer attracted to me. He dreaded having sex with me because he could no longer be the "hero" that was rescuing me which is what turned him on in the first place. He didn't like go in public with me because I had started to put myself together more (like not just wearing a t-shirt and jeans like I did when depressed) and that attracted the stares of other men that he saw as a threat (taking away his damsel in distress). Eugene had a whole laundry list of things he hated doing now because I wasn't in a funk anymore.
I told him if that was the case then we needed to break up. He agreed and said he would go stay with a friend until he could make new living arrangements. My name is the only one on our house and I told him I would give him 60 days to vacate the house which he agreed was fair.
Over the past few weeks, I've spent a lot of time with my parents and with close friends. I don't really feel like I've been dumped, or broke up with someone. I just feel like me.
Carrie's candle sits on my desk where the original was and I wear the locket every day. Thank you Reddit for listening. I appreciate it more than you know.
tl;dr: Ex only likes damsels in distress. We broke up. I'm happy.
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Aug 9, 2017 18:02
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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Yeah it's time to ask hey bf if he's every had a sexual fantasy she can fulfill
Too late, he already fulfilled it by selling a truck to a nice, respectable young lady for the minimum amount legally required by his state. SKEET SKEET SKEET
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Aug 9, 2017 18:06
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 29, 2024 14:20
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- But Rocks Hurt Head
- Jun 30, 2003
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by Hand Knit
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Pillbug
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JFC, that dude from the candle story is a loving monster
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Aug 9, 2017 18:08
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Aug 9, 2017 16:01
because if you are that non confrontational someone will just move into your house and start upper decking your toilet and you won't say a loving thing.
