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ultrafilter posted:You’re Hogwarts’ Only Guidance Counselor. Can You Convince Anyone To Go To College? quote:“Plopam pepperonus!” you cry, and cast the spell that conjures a single loose nipple. im dying
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Aug 4, 2017 01:38
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AtraMorS posted:Alcoholic Recovered gently caress.
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Aug 4, 2017 05:18
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Don't forget the achievements! Also Clickhole has some good stuff on their social media pages     
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Aug 5, 2017 04:00
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Electric Phantasm posted:Also Clickhole has some good stuff on their social media pages           And their best ever: 
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Aug 5, 2017 04:26
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I just beat Mr. Circle goes to shape city and holy crap what a weird clickventure. This UI is truly the worst. A man tells you that you can teleport if you change the url and I guess that's true but nothing even interesting happens if you jump into the tiger cages or the diseased star man who is begging to not be in a zoo.
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Aug 6, 2017 07:45
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Longtime Residents Worry Roommate With Well-Paid Job Slowly Gentrifying Apartment
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Aug 6, 2017 18:35
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Local Dipshit Planning On Fighting Trump Administration Through Art
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Aug 7, 2017 00:30
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Hudson, NY is definitely where a guy like this would live. The Onion knows their stuff.
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Aug 7, 2017 16:10
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 my god clickhole
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Aug 8, 2017 08:42
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Hey, another article about me! Man 20 Minutes Into Organizing Shelves Becomes Grimly Aware Of What Chaos He Has Wrought
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Aug 9, 2017 16:45
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Evil Mastermind posted:Hey, another article about me! Man 20 Minutes Into Organizing Shelves Becomes Grimly Aware Of What Chaos He Has Wrought I think their posts about the everyday events in the lives of regular people as though they're newsworthy are my favourite
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Aug 9, 2017 17:57
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morallyobjected posted:I think their posts about the everyday events in the lives of regular people as though they're newsworthy are my favourite Same. I love the 'at press time' bits at the end most of all.
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Aug 9, 2017 18:50
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5 Of My Father’s Funerals Where He Turned Out To Be Alive And In Attendance, And 2 Funerals Where He Was Actually Dead
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Aug 9, 2017 23:43
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Single 34-Year-Old Man Hasn’t Said Full Sentence Aloud Outside Work Hours In Past 3 Months
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Aug 10, 2017 02:35
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ultrafilter posted:Single 34-Year-Old Man Hasn’t Said Full Sentence Aloud Outside Work Hours In Past 3 Months I didn't know the onion did articles on something awful
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Aug 10, 2017 04:09
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Master Diplomat: Pundits Have Noted Similarities Between Trump’s N. Korea Statements And JFK’s Iconic ‘Prepare To Be Radioactive Skeletons, Motherfuckers’ Speech That De-escalated The Cuban Missile Crisis quote:JFK knew that he had to deliver a precise, carefully crafted message to peacefully end the standoff, so he went on national television and vowed to “wipe Cuba off the goddamn map with a hellfire tsunami that’ll char Havana into a glowing ash heap” and “turn every last Cuban man, woman, child, and pet dog into a red-hot screaming skeleton, you better loving believe it.” Firm and calm in his delivery, he went on to say that after he bombed Cuba he would “pay a personal visit to the smoldering rubble to piss all over Fidel’s corpse and plant an American flag in his empty eye socket” and then “nuke the junk-rear end country all over again just for shits and giggles.” onion has been  recently
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Aug 10, 2017 04:27
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Staffer Investigating Puddle Of Slime On Floor Looks Up To Discover Coworker Cocooned In Bannon Ooze
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Aug 10, 2017 17:25
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ModernMajorGeneral posted:Staffer Investigating Puddle Of Slime On Floor Looks Up To Discover Coworker Cocooned In Bannon Ooze Today was a great day for The Onion and Our Brave Savior: Donald Trump Is Working TIRELESSLY To Return The Precious White Orbs Obama STOLE From The FURIOUS Dwarf King That Lives Under America Man Surveys Party For Next Group To Silently Stand In
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Aug 10, 2017 20:20
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Oh no! Authorities Confirm North Korea Now Has Missile Capable Of Hitting Sam Waterston’s House
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Aug 11, 2017 03:27
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Feminists Don’t Want To Admit It, But It’s Actually Biological Gender Differences That Keep Women From Succeeding In My Meticulously Engineered Mega-Labyrinth
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Aug 11, 2017 19:59
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fits posted:Feminists Don’t Want To Admit It, But It’s Actually Biological Gender Differences That Keep Women From Succeeding In My Meticulously Engineered Mega-Labyrinth "Women’s and men’s brains are obviously not functionally interchangeable. If they were, why would so many more women than men be unwilling to slay the guards who block the false door at the end of Hallway 367? I doubt liberals have an answer to that question, and I would challenge them to let go of their precious identity politics and admit that men are simply more assertive than women, and they more often complete my set of Herculean tasks for that reason."
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Aug 11, 2017 21:23
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I only just noticed the great spam footers on Point & Clickbait articles.
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Aug 12, 2017 20:08
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Aug 14, 2017 22:30
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Charlottesville Suspect Might Have Received Tacit Support From High-Level Government Figure
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Aug 15, 2017 00:37
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My Republican Colleagues Must Condemn Racist Violence And Recommit Themselves To Peacefully Passing Racist Laws
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Aug 15, 2017 04:21
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What is Trump's Relationship With White Nationalism?The Onion posted:Q: What is his position on monuments memorializing Civil War veterans?
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Aug 16, 2017 00:14
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Good to see that Sad Kevin is still finding success in today's political climate!
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Aug 16, 2017 23:25
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Be Vigilant!! George Soros Has A Second Ticket To A Screening Of ‘Baby Driver’ And Just Declared That The Most Violent Leftist Will Get To Go With Him!Patriothole posted:This threat is REAL. The violence is IMMINENT. The seats are RESERVED, and they RECLINE.
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Aug 17, 2017 19:15
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Qué Triste: Nadie Puede Salir De Esta Oficina Porque Hay Un Vampiro Enfrente De La Puerta https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl1lh6irupE
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Aug 18, 2017 00:06
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Next-Level Gaming: The New ‘Call Of Duty’ Will Penalize Players For Shooting Nazis Who Are Actually Very Fine People "Instead of just blasting away at every enemy soldier, players will have to consider whether each individual Nazi might be an otherwise decent person who just happens to be fighting alongside some real bad apples." 
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Aug 18, 2017 01:25
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The MSJ posted:Qué Triste: Nadie Puede Salir De Esta Oficina Porque Hay Un Vampiro Enfrente De La Puerta ¡Ay, Dios mio!
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Aug 18, 2017 05:38
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Health Experts Recommend Stopping Whatever You're Doing Right Now https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/898207550830559232
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Aug 18, 2017 06:26
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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious
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Aug 18, 2017 16:37
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Dammit I was just coming here to post this one! 
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Aug 18, 2017 16:55
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‘My Work Here Is Done,’ Smiles Contented Bannon Before Bursting Into Millions Of Spores
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Aug 18, 2017 20:44
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Evil Mastermind posted:‘My Work Here Is Done,’ Smiles Contented Bannon Before Bursting Into Millions Of Spores  i kinda hope they continue his alien evolution
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Aug 18, 2017 22:33
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Science FTW! NASA Astronomers Said Monday’s Solar Eclipse Will Be Awesome For Anyone Who Loves Looking At Stupid loving Black Circles
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Aug 19, 2017 00:52
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