Taiwan Number 1

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Taiwan Number 1

Brimstone Inquiry: Jan 21, 2007

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

They keep banning things they don't like, but what if people just straight up started using Xi Jingping's name as a disparagement; somebody does something silly or stupid, then post that thing and say something like "that's such a Xi Jingping thing to do" and the like.

Wait, that's what the whole ban on wordplay is supposed to prevent, isn't it?

Nifty bastards.

# ? Aug 12, 2017 21:41

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 00:40

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

thats a ban

# ? Aug 12, 2017 22:59

peanut: Sep 9, 2007

Haier posted:

HOLD UP. Are you brown? Do you wonder if that has anything to do with the Chinese company dicking you around with your visa? It would be a good way to save face for them. "It's not OUR fault we can't get your visa... heh.."

Oh poo poo, I think sempai solved the mystery here.

# ? Aug 12, 2017 23:03

VideoTapir: Oct 18, 2005; He'll tire eventually.

Duckbag posted:

I said in the political maps thread that Han was a nationality that's succeeded in convincing itself that it's a unified ethnic group. A bunch of people got mad at me because Wikipedia said it was tho, so idk.

This is true, tough, and in a way that's kind of great and a little was at the same time. I asked one of my classes of Chinese kids who was Han and whether we had any of the recognized minorities. One kid who, to look at him, is obviously at large part Turkic, says he's Han.

I think it's kind of cool that a Chinese person can do that. You're Han if you want to be Han. It's an inclusive ethnicity, not an exclusive one. OTOH, what does that imply for minority cultures, and is it intentional?

# ? Aug 13, 2017 00:54

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Haier posted:

HOLD UP. Are you brown? Do you wonder if that has anything to do with the Chinese company dicking you around with your visa? It would be a good way to save face for them. "It's not OUR fault we can't get your visa... heh.."

My father is from Bangalore, and moved to Australia in the 70s. My Mum is from Birmingham and moved to Australia in the 70s. They eventually met, married and did naughty sexy things that resulted in me and my brother. We are both Australian born, and have pale-ish skin and Australian accents. Both of us have Anglo-sounding first names and an Indian surname. (Extra bonus information, because my dad in Indian, he named both his sons after Test Cricketers he admired. I was named after an elegant left handed batsman, and ended up a right hand medium pace bowler, my younger brother was named after a demon fast bowler and ended up a left handed opening batsman. This fact breaks my fathers heart)

The skin thing has provided some half-funny moments. Before I was born, my dad would joke to the kids of some Indian family friends of ours that I would come out half black and half white. The first question the mother of said kids asked my dad upon my birth is "is he pale or dark?" You would not believe, (or perhaps you would given you are moving there), that in 2017 shops still sell skin whitening creams and said creams advertise on TV. Also the matrimonial sections in the newspapers ask for pale skinned brides and grooms. Also, on my last trip to India, I was in an auto-rickshaw coming back from the city with my Dad and teh driver asked Dad, (in Kannada), "who is this man?", when Dad said it was his son, the driver did a literal double take worthy of Peter Sellars.

BrigadierSensible fucked around with this message at 01:11 on Aug 13, 2017

# ? Aug 13, 2017 01:05

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

Brimstone Inquiry posted:

They keep banning things they don't like, but what if people just straight up started using Xi Jingping's name as a disparagement; somebody does something silly or stupid, then post that thing and say something like "that's such a Xi Jingping thing to do" and the like.

Wait, that's what the whole ban on wordplay is supposed to prevent, isn't it?

Nifty bastards.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 01:15

ladron: Sep 15, 2007; eso es lo que es

BrigadierSensible posted:

in 2017 shops still sell skin whitening creams and sai creams advertise on TV.

This is literally every country in Asia. It's impossible to find non whitening lotion. After 11 years, my dick looks like a piece of Street chalk.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 02:26

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

The Knocking.
It was one of those hot summer nights that reminds one of misspent adolescent evenings spent in the back of your old man�s Chevrolet trying to finger Nancy-Jo, the red-haired chick from next door. The heat pushed one down like a drunk and horny divorcee from the outer laying regions of Bangor, Maine. Stuart Rex, part-time writer and full-time dreamer, lay on his sticky bed, lighting up another Camel cigarette and sucking up the sweet cancery goodness. Ahh, it sure was good to be a smoker.
The electric fan�s blades swept from side to side like chainsaws, and Stuart thought about his upcoming novel. He had gathered a lot of material since arriving in China, and he knew some major award was going to come out of this. The horrific traffic accident he had witnessed, the sinister smiles of the made-up ladies in the barber shops, the massive poo poo someone had taken on his doorstep... Stuart was here to learn about man�s inhumanity to man. And then hopefully make a TV mini series out of it.
Without warning, there was a knock at the door. Not the usual rat-a-tat-tat of a girl guide selling cookies, but the mad demented constant knocking of a serial killer. Reaching for another smooth Camel cigarette, Stuart decided to ignore it. He had long ago learnt that answering the door in China brings little reward, and he had already had three neighbours this week claiming to �collect the water fees�. Enough was enough. He was not answering that door.
But the knocking did not stop. Again and again with no pause, the dreadful knocking persisted to resonate around the house. Who knocks like that? What mental sickness could drive somebody to knock on a door for so hard and so long even when it was obvious nobody was going to answer.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. It was like an unfunny never-ending joke. Each knock tore into Stuart�s head like a rusty screwdriver. He knew he was going to have to answer the door if he was ever going to make the knocking stop. However, as he made his way towards the slightly slanted door (was it smirking at him?), each terrible knock weakened him and he fell to the floor covering his ears. Why was this person knocking on the door so hard? Why did bad things have to happen to good people?
(Knock Knock)
As if things could not get any worse; his mobile phone began to ring. But the phone was in another room and Stuart did not have the strength to go and retrieve it. He knew that the ringing would never end either. Incessantly, the knocking of the door and the ringing of the phone intermingled and combined into an eternal aural inferno. It would never end. Stuart knew it would never end. If he could only find the strength to just crawl towards the door and tell the person to go away. But the noise, the inhuman noise...
Somewhere, in the house next door, a neighbour plugged in a drill..

# ? Aug 13, 2017 02:54

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

OMG, this guy is a FACE master! He should definitely come to China. Maybe this is why some buzzcuts can't give up the face train?

# ? Aug 13, 2017 05:34

Kharnifex: Sep 11, 2001; The Banter is better in AusGBS

Haier posted:

OMG, this guy is a FACE master! He should definitely come to China. Maybe this is why some buzzcuts can't give up the face train?

https://youtu.be/DOqb_UzJSUQ

# ? Aug 13, 2017 06:04

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

My VPN (Vypr) has been utter trash lately, and I keep checking if it is even connected. A majority of the blocked sites are still blocked no matter which server I use with Vypr for PC. It works fine on the phone. I wanted to go try out Express VPN, but that website is blocked too. LOL

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

The Knocking.
It was one of those hot summer nights that reminds one of misspent adolescent evenings spent in the back of your old man�s Chevrolet trying to finger Nancy-Jo, the red-haired chick from next door. The heat pushed one down like a drunk and horny divorcee from the outer laying regions of Bangor, Maine. Stuart Rex, part-time writer and full-time dreamer, lay on his sticky bed, lighting up another Camel cigarette and sucking up the sweet cancery goodness. Ahh, it sure was good to be a smoker.
The electric fan�s blades swept from side to side like chainsaws, and Stuart thought about his upcoming novel. He had gathered a lot of material since arriving in China, and he knew some major award was going to come out of this. The horrific traffic accident he had witnessed, the sinister smiles of the made-up ladies in the barber shops, the massive poo poo someone had taken on his doorstep... Stuart was here to learn about man�s inhumanity to man. And then hopefully make a TV mini series out of it.
Without warning, there was a knock at the door. Not the usual rat-a-tat-tat of a girl guide selling cookies, but the mad demented constant knocking of a serial killer. Reaching for another smooth Camel cigarette, Stuart decided to ignore it. He had long ago learnt that answering the door in China brings little reward, and he had already had three neighbours this week claiming to �collect the water fees�. Enough was enough. He was not answering that door.
But the knocking did not stop. Again and again with no pause, the dreadful knocking persisted to resonate around the house. Who knocks like that? What mental sickness could drive somebody to knock on a door for so hard and so long even when it was obvious nobody was going to answer.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. It was like an unfunny never-ending joke. Each knock tore into Stuart�s head like a rusty screwdriver. He knew he was going to have to answer the door if he was ever going to make the knocking stop. However, as he made his way towards the slightly slanted door (was it smirking at him?), each terrible knock weakened him and he fell to the floor covering his ears. Why was this person knocking on the door so hard? Why did bad things have to happen to good people?
(Knock Knock)
As if things could not get any worse; his mobile phone began to ring. But the phone was in another room and Stuart did not have the strength to go and retrieve it. He knew that the ringing would never end either. Incessantly, the knocking of the door and the ringing of the phone intermingled and combined into an eternal aural inferno. It would never end. Stuart knew it would never end. If he could only find the strength to just crawl towards the door and tell the person to go away. But the noise, the inhuman noise...
Somewhere, in the house next door, a neighbour plugged in a drill..

乇乂ㄒ尺卂ㄒ卄丨匚匚

# ? Aug 13, 2017 11:53

Hedenius: Aug 23, 2007

Haier posted:

My VPN (Vypr) has been utter trash lately, and I keep checking if it is even connected. A majority of the blocked sites are still blocked no matter which server I use with Vypr for PC. It works fine on the phone. I wanted to go try out Express VPN, but that website is blocked too. LOL

乇乂ㄒ尺卂ㄒ卄丨匚匚

Switch to ExpressVPN as soon as you can. Worked fine for me on both my iPhone and my desktop in China. Fast too.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 12:04

Kaiju Cage Match: Nov 5, 2012

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

Reported.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 13:34

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

Kaiju Cage Match posted:

Reported.

gently caress you I won't do what you tell me.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 13:39

Speleothing: May 6, 2008; Spare batteries are pretty key.

Haier posted:

OMG, this guy is a FACE master! He should definitely come to China. Maybe this is why some buzzcuts can't give up the face train?

Why would anyone bother to protect that creep's identity?

# ? Aug 13, 2017 15:06

Vesi: Jan 12, 2005; pikachu looking at?

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

The Knocking.
It was one of those hot summer nights that reminds one of misspent adolescent evenings spent in the back of your old man�s Chevrolet trying to finger Nancy-Jo, the red-haired chick from next door. The heat pushed one down like a drunk and horny divorcee from the outer laying regions of Bangor, Maine. Stuart Rex, part-time writer and full-time dreamer, lay on his sticky bed, lighting up another Camel cigarette and sucking up the sweet cancery goodness. Ahh, it sure was good to be a smoker.
The electric fan�s blades swept from side to side like chainsaws, and Stuart thought about his upcoming novel. He had gathered a lot of material since arriving in China, and he knew some major award was going to come out of this. The horrific traffic accident he had witnessed, the sinister smiles of the made-up ladies in the barber shops, the massive poo poo someone had taken on his doorstep... Stuart was here to learn about man�s inhumanity to man. And then hopefully make a TV mini series out of it.
Without warning, there was a knock at the door. Not the usual rat-a-tat-tat of a girl guide selling cookies, but the mad demented constant knocking of a serial killer. Reaching for another smooth Camel cigarette, Stuart decided to ignore it. He had long ago learnt that answering the door in China brings little reward, and he had already had three neighbours this week claiming to �collect the water fees�. Enough was enough. He was not answering that door.
But the knocking did not stop. Again and again with no pause, the dreadful knocking persisted to resonate around the house. Who knocks like that? What mental sickness could drive somebody to knock on a door for so hard and so long even when it was obvious nobody was going to answer.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. It was like an unfunny never-ending joke. Each knock tore into Stuart�s head like a rusty screwdriver. He knew he was going to have to answer the door if he was ever going to make the knocking stop. However, as he made his way towards the slightly slanted door (was it smirking at him?), each terrible knock weakened him and he fell to the floor covering his ears. Why was this person knocking on the door so hard? Why did bad things have to happen to good people?
(Knock Knock)
As if things could not get any worse; his mobile phone began to ring. But the phone was in another room and Stuart did not have the strength to go and retrieve it. He knew that the ringing would never end either. Incessantly, the knocking of the door and the ringing of the phone intermingled and combined into an eternal aural inferno. It would never end. Stuart knew it would never end. If he could only find the strength to just crawl towards the door and tell the person to go away. But the noise, the inhuman noise...
Somewhere, in the house next door, a neighbour plugged in a drill..

Changsha... poo poo; I'm still only in Changsha... Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in Hong Kong.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 15:15

Imperialist Dog: Oct 21, 2008; "I think you could better spend your time on finishing your editing before the deadline today."
\

I'm using Psiphon for my phone and laptop and it seems to work ok for a free service. Concerned about its security though.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 15:46

Fauxtool: Oct 21, 2008; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I read that as nong kong, its me im the racist

# ? Aug 13, 2017 17:04

Punkin Spunkin: Jan 1, 2010

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

You'd think he'd embrace the image. Pooh is a warm & approachable figure.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 17:31

Flyball: Apr 17, 2003

Punkin Spunkin posted:

You'd think he'd embrace the image. Pooh is a warm & approachable figure.

Pooh bumbled around a pit in the ground with his head stuck in a honey jar. That sounds bad for face.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 18:30

A. Beaverhausen: Nov 11, 2008; by R. Guyovich

Haier posted:

My VPN (Vypr) has been utter trash lately, and I keep checking if it is even connected. A majority of the blocked sites are still blocked no matter which server I use with Vypr for PC. It works fine on the phone. I wanted to go try out Express VPN, but that website is blocked too. LOL

乇乂ㄒ尺卂ㄒ卄丨匚匚

Thats weird, their blog has been trumpeting how fast they got their users in China pass the new blocks. Have you tried contacting them?

# ? Aug 13, 2017 19:56

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

Punkin Spunkin posted:

You'd think he'd embrace the image. Pooh is a warm & approachable figure.

are you implying chairman xi is not also a earm and approachable figure?

# ? Aug 13, 2017 20:39

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

He buys his own baozi and wears his own umbrella, truly a man of the people.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 21:01

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

Punkin Spunkin posted:

You'd think he'd embrace the image. Pooh is a warm & approachable figure.

This is actually interesting when you consider the direction of Chinese politics. Chinese propaganda is propaganda by puff piece and comparing China to warm and fluffy pandas (and therefore nice and harmless) has been a part of that for a while. 10 years ago the CCP absolutely would have embraced the comparison to Winnie the Pooh as an extension of that.

Now it's typical authoritarian "China stronk and can never be mocked" nationalism.

# ? Aug 13, 2017 23:03

OWLS!: Sep 17, 2009; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Pandas are neither nice, nor harmless.

pandamauling.swf

# ? Aug 13, 2017 23:44

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Fojar38 posted:

This is actually interesting when you consider the direction of Chinese politics. Chinese propaganda is propaganda by puff piece and comparing China to warm and fluffy pandas (and therefore nice and harmless) has been a part of that for a while. 10 years ago the CCP absolutely would have embraced the comparison to Winnie the Pooh as an extension of that.

Now it's typical authoritarian "China stronk and can never be mocked" nationalism.

Can any arty types recolor Winnie in black and white?

edit: nm

# ? Aug 14, 2017 01:55

Accretionist: Nov 7, 2012; I BELIEVE IN STUPID CONSPIRACY THEORIES

https://zippy.gfycat.com/EverlastingSnappyDonkey.webm

# ? Aug 14, 2017 02:11

ladron: Sep 15, 2007; eso es lo que es

Accretionist posted:

https://zippy.gfycat.com/EverlastingSnappyDonkey.webm

awesome

# ? Aug 14, 2017 04:42

Slim Jim Pickens: Jan 16, 2012

VideoTapir posted:

This is true, tough, and in a way that's kind of great and a little was at the same time. I asked one of my classes of Chinese kids who was Han and whether we had any of the recognized minorities. One kid who, to look at him, is obviously at large part Turkic, says he's Han.

I think it's kind of cool that a Chinese person can do that. You're Han if you want to be Han. It's an inclusive ethnicity, not an exclusive one. OTOH, what does that imply for minority cultures, and is it intentional?

Eh, ethnicity isn't about physical appearance by default. It's just that if you're Western you're probably working from a standard where hardcore racial codes are embedded in society.

Han doesn't really mean much either.

# ? Aug 14, 2017 04:52

Duckbox: Sep 7, 2007

Slim Jim Pickens posted:

Eh, ethnicity isn't about physical appearance by default. It's just that if you're Western you're probably working from a standard where hardcore racial codes are embedded in society.

Han doesn't really mean much either.

Well, it's not just appearance -- it's language, material culture like cuisine, music, and art, religious practices, lifestyle, and traditions. I've never been to China, buty impression is that the Han aren't sufficiently United in any of these to be considered one ethnicity.

# ? Aug 14, 2017 05:06

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

A. Beaverhausen posted:

Thats weird, their blog has been trumpeting how fast they got their users in China pass the new blocks. Have you tried contacting them?

Yeah, they say that, but since that big news announcement of the coming total crackdown, Vypr has been sketchy at best and their servers are constantly slow or not working for me here, no matter which one I choose.
I used Vypr in conjunction with Zen Mate in my browser last night to get around being blocked from Express VPN's site, and was able to use Paypal to buy Express's service. Express works great, and they allow for torrenting, so I am happy already. Vypr will be canceled.

# ? Aug 14, 2017 05:32

ladron: Sep 15, 2007; eso es lo que es

Haier posted:

Express works great, and they allow for torrenting, so I am happy already.

please link the furry five head porn you're downloading/uploading

# ? Aug 14, 2017 05:49

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

Accretionist posted:

https://zippy.gfycat.com/EverlastingSnappyDonkey.webm

someone's fetish (not mine)

# ? Aug 14, 2017 06:47

Inkfish: Mar 1, 2015

Accretionist posted:

https://zippy.gfycat.com/EverlastingSnappyDonkey.webm

This looks really fun (not in a sex way.)

It looks like a mad max hood ornament.

Inkfish fucked around with this message at 07:04 on Aug 14, 2017

# ? Aug 14, 2017 07:02

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Accretionist posted:

https://zippy.gfycat.com/EverlastingSnappyDonkey.webm

I fully expected that the pole would break and the girl faceplants into the ground. This is what the thread made me.

# ? Aug 14, 2017 07:09

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

ladron posted:

please link the furry five head porn you're downloading/uploading

https://pirateproxy.cc/torrent/11258961/Leprechaun_4_In_Space_(1996)_1080p_BrRip_x264_-_YIFY

I downloaded this and I think it is going to be a hoot. Hopefully I can get one of those fiveheads over to watch it with me.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 14, 2017 08:24

Slim Jim Pickens: Jan 16, 2012

JaucheCharly posted:

I fully expected that the pole would break and the girl faceplants into the ground. This is what the thread made me.

The lies we tell ourselves

Duckbag posted:

Well, it's not just appearance -- it's language, material culture like cuisine, music, and art, religious practices, lifestyle, and traditions. I've never been to China, buty impression is that the Han aren't sufficiently United in any of these to be considered one ethnicity.

Maybe, but it's a fuzzy division anyways and it's super important to the Chinese state to quash any sense of regionalism. Hell, that's basically the entirety of Chinese history.

# ? Aug 14, 2017 09:38