google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

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maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Endless Mike posted:

this existed (technically), and fire tablets continue to exist, because amazon uses an oem that doesn't otherwise make android devices.

amazon's cheapo 100 dollar tablets are actually pretty good.

i got my parents 2 of them for christmas and they watch movies / read kindle / share old people fb memes on them. they aren't scared to break them since they're so cheap

# ? Aug 16, 2017 23:47

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# ? May 30, 2024 17:41

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

if you just ignore the quality of the end product android is one of the most successful tech releases of all time,

# ? Aug 16, 2017 23:50

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

qirex posted:

if you just ignore the quality of the end product android is one of the most successful tech releases of all time,

successful like asbestos was

# ? Aug 16, 2017 23:55

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

Asymmetric POSTer posted:

successful like asbestos was

how many buildings have you seen closed for android abatement? checkmate

# ? Aug 17, 2017 00:51

mrmcd: Feb 22, 2003; Can't post for 4 hours!

infernal machines posted:

yes

also lmao

I had one of those 2009ish Android Moto phones with the slide out keyboard under the screen.

Edit: oh yeah this one https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motorola_Droid

mrmcd fucked around with this message at 02:11 on Aug 17, 2017

# ? Aug 17, 2017 02:09

fishmech: Jul 16, 2006; by VideoGames; Salad Prong

infernal machines posted:

yes

also lmao

the android project was originally for a single unified platform that would replace poo poo like BREW and J2ME across everything from the simplest dumbphones that still had a graphical display to full smartphones, and so was originally intended to also work without touchscreens etc. this was why it was initially released to public announcement under that umbrella open handset alliance thing.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 02:24

Schadenboner: Aug 15, 2011; by Shine

mrmcd posted:

I had one of those 2009ish Android Moto phones with the slide out keyboard under the screen.

Edit: oh yeah this one https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motorola_Droid

After my Palm Pre I had the Sprint Samsung Galaxy S with the physical keyboard. It wasn't a bad phone, and the screen was *incredibly* bright.

Switched to an iPhone and never looked back, but it wasn't terrible.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 02:26

Bhodi: Dec 9, 2007; Oh, it's just a cat.; Pillbug

Sagebrush posted:

it did work, though

supposedly the blackberry execs' response to the iphone was "that's literally impossible, they must be lying" and by the time they got their hands on one and saw it was all real, they were already hopelessly behind.

notably i remember RIM believed there was no way in hell that apple could get the battery life they were claiming, and then it turned out that the iphone was just a giant battery inside and the real innovation was cramming all the logic into a tiny board along the top. whoops

also, custom dedicated processors for things like audio playback so you don't have to have the entire phone on all the time just to play music

# ? Aug 17, 2017 02:27

ClassActionFursuit: Mar 15, 2006

The Management posted:

I though hangouts was one of the supported ones.

what chat app are google ecosystem users expected to use?

hangouts was at least said to be pivoting to be for g suite users

im 100% in googles ecosystem and i cant tell you what it is they think i should be using maybe allo? that seems unlikely since it literally cannot be used without a phone and cannot be more than one device

# ? Aug 17, 2017 09:01

Agile Vector: May 21, 2007; scrum bored

maskenfreiheit posted:

amazon's cheapo 100 dollar tablets are actually pretty good.

i got my parents 2 of them for christmas and they watch movies / read kindle / share old people fb memes on them. they aren't scared to break them since they're so cheap

they really are great. my mom wouldnt touch a tablet, but shes all about the fires. they get upgrades and updates and run without constant maintenance by me so im happy

LastInLine posted:

hangouts was at least said to be pivoting to be for g suite users

im 100% in googles ecosystem and i cant tell you what it is they think i should be using maybe allo? that seems unlikely since it literally cannot be used without a phone and cannot be more than one device

lol they invented BBM

# ? Aug 17, 2017 13:10

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

LastInLine posted:

hangouts was at least said to be pivoting to be for g suite users

im 100% in googles ecosystem and i cant tell you what it is they think i should be using maybe allo? that seems unlikely since it literally cannot be used without a phone and cannot be more than one device

theres a whole lot of :psyduck:

in here. hangouts is for paying g suite customers, but as fuzzy mammal said it's basically in minimal maintenance mode. allo is the mass market one, but it's tied to your phone and... I went looking to see if there's a an allo web client and found this article released today, which I'm going to quote in its entirety because lmao.

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2017/08/google-launches-web-client-for-allo-its-troubled-instant-messaging-service/

quote:

It took a year, but Google Allo finally works on a desktop
We go hands-on with Allo's janky web interface.

RON AMADEO - 8/16/2017, 6:29 AM

Google Allo, Google's latest attempt to stay relevant in the instant messaging market, is finally going to work on something other than a single smartphone. Google is launching a Web interface for the struggling instant messaging service.

Google Allo launched in September 2016, and it was missing so many basic messaging features it was dead on arrival. It only worked on phones, leaving tablets, laptops, and desktops out in the cold. It couldn't be used on multiple devices at once. It didn't work with SMS messages, so you couldn't talk to your friends that weren't on Allo. It didn't even pull information from your Google account, requiring a name and picture at registration. Instead of working to quickly fix these gaps in core functionality, the Allo team burned through their first year (and all their launch hype) launching superfluous features like additional stickers and animated GIF support.

Now, almost a full year after launch, you can finally load up allo.google.com/web and type to someone via your computer. We gave it a quick trial, and it seemed fast and snappy, but, like the phone version of Allo, there are so many limitations that it makes Allo very difficult to use. You can only be logged in to a single computer at once, meaning Allo now supports up to two simultaneous devices�one phone and one computer. Login happens via a QR code�rather than a Google account�which syncs the browser instance directly to your single Allo phone.

Allo messages do a good job of appearing on the phone and the computer, but if you shut off your phone or the battery dies, the browser instance of Allo dies, too. If you log in on another computer or another browser tab, the old instance of Allo will die�only the new instance will work. Also remember that this is just a browser tab and not an app. There's still no way to have an "always on" connection to Allo via desktop app or Chrome app extension. And speaking of Chrome, Allo Web only works in the Chrome browser�Edge, Safari, and Firefox users are out of luck. And Allo only works on Android phones right now. iOS users will have to wait to access the desktop app.

The Web interface has most of the Allo features you would expect, like stickers, emojis, and the ability to attach pictures. You can also message the Google Assistant, which is listed as a contact, but this version of the Google Assistant lacks most of the upgrades (like third-party app integration) that have arrived on the phone and Google Home versions over the past year. The Web version also doesn't support Allo's "Wiper Shout" feature, which lets you change the size of text.

Google Allo's feature set, like the QR code login, SMS-based registration, and single-device restriction, make it a clone of WhatsApp, Facebook's instant messaging client that dominates the market in the developing world. One big problem with Allo�other than WhatsApp's insurmountable lead in Allo's target markets�is that Allo was built for the developing world but advertised to everyone. The feature set just doesn't work in countries where multiple connected devices are the norm�the janky login and device restrictions don't make sense when you have more than a couple connected devices. Google still aggressively promotes Allo outside this target market, though, with the announcement given a top-tier spot in its 2016 Google I/O keynote and making Allo the default Android instant messaging client.

Facebook bridges this divide with a dual pronged strategy to IM�WhatsApp for the developing world, and Facebook Messenger for the highly connected world. Google could have a setup like this with Hangouts and Allo, but its singular focus on Allo leaves out most tech savvy people in the US, which need something that will work on multiple devices.

With this one basic feature out of the way, Allo has taken almost a full year to address one of the many complaints we had at launch. The service is still missing multiple-device support, SMS integration, and a real desktop app or extension. This small gesture of a Web client�which Google has been teasing for six months�feels like it's too little, too late. Will Allo take another year to address all the day-one complaints? Development of the service moves so slowly that it seems hopeless to think Allo will ever catch up with the IM industry leaders like Facebook and Apple.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 14:56

Qtotonibudinibudet: Nov 7, 2011; Omich poluyobok, skazhi ty narkoman? ya prosto tozhe gde to tam zhivu, mogli by vmeste uyobyvat' narkotiki

quote:

singular focus on Allo

for the next 6 months or so maybe

# ? Aug 17, 2017 15:08

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

The Management posted:

theres a whole lot of in here. hangouts is for paying g suite customers, but as fuzzy mammal said it's basically in minimal maintenance mode. allo is the mass market one, but it's tied to your phone and... I went looking to see if there's a an allo web client and found this article released today, which I'm going to quote in its entirety because lmao.

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2017/08/google-launches-web-client-for-allo-its-troubled-instant-messaging-service/

# ? Aug 17, 2017 15:13

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

wtf who in their right mind would use qr codes on a computer?!

do you like hold it up to the webcam or something and what if youre on a pos stationary without a cam?!?!?

# ? Aug 17, 2017 15:23

Workaday Wizard: Oct 23, 2009; by Pragmatica

anatoliy pltkrvkay posted:

for the next 6 months or so maybe

hahaha you wish

# ? Aug 17, 2017 15:27

tk: Dec 10, 2003; Nap Ghost

Powaqoatse posted:

wtf who in their right mind would use qr codes on a computer?!

do you like hold it up to the webcam or something and what if youre on a pos stationary without a cam?!?!?

One time on Shark Tank Chris Sacca called QR codes the herpes of technology, which was great. Then he proceeded to be a douche and wrong about basically everything else.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 15:32

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

qr codes are great

...for tracking poo poo as it moves around a warehouse or container port

theres never any excuse for ever showing one to an end user

its like what stebe said about styluses - if you see one, they hosed up

actually, i can think of one user-facing use case for them: schedules at bus stops where its easier to just take a picture of c3po's stool than key in a long url full of slashes and weird characters, especially on a cold day where youre wearing mittens or something

# ? Aug 17, 2017 15:49

big shtick energy: May 27, 2004

lol literally the blackberry playbook approach to multi-device messaging

# ? Aug 17, 2017 16:03

Wild EEPROM: Jul 29, 2011; oh, my, god. Becky, look at her bitrate.

google makes an application to replace another one, but makes it worse but promise features in the future, and then abandons it. Repeat with another replacement which is even more stripped of features, then promise said features, and then abandon it.

Repeat until the program is total loving garbage that also has no functionality.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 16:20

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Wild EEPROM posted:

google makes an application to replace another one, but makes it worse but promise features in the future, and then abandons it. Repeat with another replacement which is even more stripped of features, then promise said features, and then abandon it.

Repeat until the program is total loving garbage that also has no functionality.

dsyp

# ? Aug 17, 2017 16:23

Wheany: Mar 17, 2006; Spinya^{ha^{ha^haha}ha}ha_{ha_{ha_haha}ha}ha!; Doctor Rope

Powaqoatse posted:

wtf who in their right mind would use qr codes on a computer?!

do you like hold it up to the webcam or something and what if youre on a pos stationary without a cam?!?!?

the web and desktop versions of whatsapp show a qr code and then you use whatsapp on your phone to read the qr code and verify your login

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:34

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

qr codes are for third worlders that don't have btle handoff or can't type urls in their moon language

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:45

ShadowHawk: Jun 25, 2000; CERTIFIED PRE OWNED TESLA OWNER

FMguru posted:

actually, i can think of one user-facing use case for them: schedules at bus stops

That's already covered by this:

quote:

qr codes are great

...for tracking poo poo as it moves around a warehouse or container port

# ? Aug 17, 2017 20:51

Fuzzy Mammal: Aug 15, 2001; Lipstick Apathy

so this all started when sundar saw whatsapp go from zero to 1+ bil and hangouts numbers were nowhere near that. they looked at hangouts, saw two things: how it had been crippled by the move to g+ (needed a g+ account not just a google account to use, message delivery success less than several nines, needed to adhere to the 'you know my public account but not my email address therefore we need an invite flow' contact affinity model, etc), and how it was a swiss army knife: text, audio, video, group T/A/V, sms, voice phone integration, corp authentication etc.

They concluded* that the complexity was what was holding it back, and the tech debt of fixing the g+ stuff was too large, so a simple app that didn't need credentials was the way forward. How do you simplify? Eliminate most of the features, then add one back in for competitive advantage (google assistant integration).

Ditto for duo.

Meanwhile hangouts is still around and actually works great except for not being staffed so they cut sms out of it and took it off the android new install homescreen. meanwhile the hangouts staff moves to enterprise so you get meet and 'hangouts chat' which is the slack clone for work.

so you end up with allo and duo which are actually okay at what they do but don't do much and you start from zero userbase. hangouts continues on and the enterprise stuff you get with gsuite. i work on meet these days and it's rly good. i laugh at all the stories in the webex threads cuz my videoconference experiences are consistently great.

* this was imo a flawed conclusion since messenger does loving everything and is fine

# ? Aug 17, 2017 22:08

poty: Jun 21, 2008; 虹はどこで終わるのですか？あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

what the hell is duo

# ? Aug 17, 2017 22:46

Arcteryx Anarchist: Sep 15, 2007; Fun Shoe

video chat

because we need another client for that

# ? Aug 17, 2017 22:48

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

allo
duo
hangouts
meet
plus
talk
voice

# ? Aug 17, 2017 22:48

poty: Jun 21, 2008; 虹はどこで終わるのですか？あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

also lets see how great meet is when its gone through 10 years of asinine feature requests from business idiots like webex has

# ? Aug 17, 2017 22:49

Arcteryx Anarchist: Sep 15, 2007; Fun Shoe

The Management posted:

allo
duo
hangouts
meet
plus
talk
voice

youtube

# ? Aug 17, 2017 22:50

Sniep: Mar 28, 2004; All I needed was that fatty blunt...

King of Breakfast

duo is a video chat?

for me it is just a SSO auth thingy

# ? Aug 17, 2017 22:51

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

google should have made imessage for anroid, as in literally an exact copy where if you open up the sms app and the number your texting is of a dirty autistic and or poor person, it magically becomes an anroidmeassage

then allow non-anroid users to also use it with a clean simple app

theyd capture 100% of the mobile phone messaging space because all the cool & good iphone users would install it to text their poor and/or autistic friends

# ? Aug 17, 2017 22:59

BangersInMyKnickers: Nov 3, 2004; I have a thing for courageous dongles

They couldn't have gotten away with that back in the day because the carriers were charging for SMS plans still and they were catering too hard to those assholes. Maybe now, but the cat is out of the bag and iMessage has too much market share

# ? Aug 17, 2017 23:14

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

hangouts is v. needs-suiting* and i still don't understand what allo's target market is

* except for when it silently drops your messages, lmao

# ? Aug 17, 2017 23:21

akadajet: Sep 14, 2003

Jabor posted:

hangouts is v. needs-suiting and i still don't understand what allo's target market is

I thought they were making the video quality better or something. In lieu of improving hangout's lovely video quality.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 23:22

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

I'm a Fi user so I use Hangouts and before then I used the gvoice app. Greetings.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 23:25

My Linux Rig: Mar 27, 2010; Can't post for 6 years!

Asymmetric POSTer posted:

google should have made imessage for anroid, as in literally an exact copy where if you open up the sms app and the number your texting is of a dirty autistic and or poor person, it magically becomes an anroidmeassage

then allow non-anroid users to also use it with a clean simple app

theyd capture 100% of the mobile phone messaging space because all the cool & good iphone users would install it to text their poor and/or autistic friends

what color would their message bubble be?

i think it should be yellow

for piss

# ? Aug 17, 2017 23:25