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About 10 years ago managed, through sheer stupidity to cut myself with one of those knives. I needed 4 stitches.
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Aug 22, 2017 19:22
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Magnus Manfist posted:I accidentally walked through airport security with a boxcutter in a backpack last year. For some reason didn't get caught when the bags were scanned, I was getting a coffee in the department lounge, put my hand in the bag to get a book and realised I had it. I poo poo myself and hid it in a plastic bag and chucked it in a bin, probably looking super suspicious in the process. I had one when I went to Paramount's Great America https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California%27s_Great_America#Paramount_Parks_Era_.281992.E2.80.932006.29 Currently known as California's Great America. When it set off the metal detectors my plot to get Commander Data to help me kill Snoopy was foiled.
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Aug 22, 2017 19:26
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Magnus Manfist posted:I accidentally walked through airport security with a boxcutter in a backpack last year. For some reason didn't get caught when the bags were scanned, I was getting a coffee in the department lounge, put my hand in the bag to get a book and realised I had it. I poo poo myself and hid it in a plastic bag and chucked it in a bin, probably looking super suspicious in the process. That's why I always keep at least one change of clothes in my carryon
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Aug 22, 2017 19:28
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Nice new thread title there.
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Aug 22, 2017 19:39
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I once managed to sneak one of those weird credit card multitool knives through a metal detector at our courthouse by hiding it so well in my wallet that even I forgot I had it, and forgot that part of my wallet had a pocket, even though the detector went off. I hadn't set off the metal detector the couple of days before that, and I hadn't changed anything about my wallet, so I was insistent that I didn't have one. I even opened my wallet and showed the guard that I had no such implement on me, and he let me move on. Boy was I surprised when I got home that day to find the thing.
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Aug 22, 2017 19:41
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When you try to carjack a bunch of football players, don't expect a good mugshot. http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/08/2...l?ICID=ref_fark
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Aug 22, 2017 19:53
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zakharov posted:You absolutely must click this link. This is the good stuff. This is a pro-click. That's 'pro' as in 'I hope she hires a PROfessional killer'
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Aug 22, 2017 20:05
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spog posted:This is a pro-click. Seriously seconded.
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Aug 22, 2017 20:11
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syscall girl posted:A piece of meat in between two buns? A dick in a butt is a sandwich by extension.
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Aug 22, 2017 20:39
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Is askamanager.org a site for just fetish wank fantasies or do they also have other types of content?
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Aug 22, 2017 21:03
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dialhforhero posted:But where does Calzone fit? Same category as a burrito prob.
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Aug 22, 2017 21:10
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Magnus Manfist posted:I accidentally walked through airport security with a boxcutter in a backpack last year. For some reason didn't get caught when the bags were scanned, I was getting a coffee in the department lounge, put my hand in the bag to get a book and realised I had it. I poo poo myself and hid it in a plastic bag and chucked it in a bin, probably looking super suspicious in the process. Going to Mexico with my Dad and girlfriend. Dad is FREAKING OUT that we're gonna miss the flight that we are like 3 hours early for (despite him taking us to the wrong airport first). Girlfriend is starving AND has to use the bathroom. Dad thinks that getting food and using the restroom before standing in a long rear end security line for at least an hour is a terrible idea. Girlfriend says that she's gonna do it anyway, or she's gonna poo poo in line. Dad storms off with his bags and decides to go through security himself, leaving us to catch the plane on our own. Cool, he's just gonna be sitting at the gate for a long time by himself, but that's fine. GF and I get through security, get to the gate. Dad's not there. I'm thinking that maybe he got lost, or is trying to get a drink, or is at the wrong gate and doesn't know it... but he's not answering his cell phone so whatever. Plane boards in 10 minutes and he's still not there. "Welp, looks like it's just us going to Mexico, I suppose." Just as they start boarding the plane, Dad comes rushing to the gate with no bag. "Dad, where the gently caress were you, and what happened to your luggage?" Apparently he had to check it because there was an 8" hunting knife in his duffel that he thought he had lost like 10 years prior. I scratch my head and pull my switchblade out of the frame of my backpack right there at the gate and say "wait, we're not supposed to have these on the plane?" BovineFury posted:When you try to carjack a bunch of football players, don't expect a good mugshot. From article: quote:Authorities said the gun wasn’t real, but Martinez also was carrying a knife and a note reading: “Give me the keys to your wip (car) and a nobody get heart. I know where you live so don’t make me kill.” GnarlyCharlie4u has a new favorite as of 21:44 on Aug 22, 2017 |
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Aug 22, 2017 21:13
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Wow do they allow people to post from Guantanamo these days??
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Aug 22, 2017 21:27
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Karate Bastard posted:Is askamanager.org a site for just fetish wank fantasies or do they also have other types of content? Askamanager.org is a loving fantastic resource site. The blog runner fields all sorts of work culture related advice stories that aren't anywhere near that sensational. The truly sensational ones end up getting posted in the schadenfreude thread or in the r/relationships thread
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Aug 22, 2017 21:28
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Magnus Manfist posted:I accidentally walked through airport security with a boxcutter in a backpack last year. For some reason didn't get caught when the bags were scanned, I was getting a coffee in the department lounge, put my hand in the bag to get a book and realised I had it. I poo poo myself and hid it in a plastic bag and chucked it in a bin, probably looking super suspicious in the process. I did the same thing about 10 years ago except it was like 20 utility blades in the cartridge. I had been using my backpack at work and completely forgot to empty it before I traveled. I didn't notice it until I got to where I was going though, so they were with me on the plane.
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Aug 22, 2017 22:12
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im pooping! posted:Just be white and it won't be a problem. I've been arrested with two assist open knives in my pockets and the deputy handed them back to me when I was bailed out. For the record I wasn't arrested for carrying the knives. Also the article if I'm not mistaken is about laws in New York, where they also stop and search people for no reason. The problem with NY's laws is that they were written up 2-3 generations ago versus German paratroopers yet still manage to get broadly interpret every knife in the city as a gravity knife. Being a tradesman and white and not having a conviction will get you at worst a warning and at best nothing but if you're not you risk getting 5 years just because you had a prior conviction, you need to cut poo poo at work, and the cop decided to stop and frisk you that day. It's a bullshit law used for bullshit reasons by a bullshit police department.
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Aug 22, 2017 22:28
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I'm pretty sure I've told this story on this site several times but I had a carry on loving hand searched by the TSA in ORD and the agent grabbed a butterfly knife I'd forgotten in there, shifted it to look behind it, and handed me my bag with everything still inside. I'm glad we have such competent people keeping our airways safe.
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Aug 22, 2017 22:32
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zakharov posted:You absolutely must click this link. This is the good stuff. "Oh well I've done lovely things in the pa- THREE YEARS" I've never eaten any of these
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Aug 22, 2017 23:10
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What I've learned from this thread is a lot of you dumbasses willfully carry knives into airports and planes.
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Aug 22, 2017 23:26
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Malachite_Dragon posted:What I've learned from this thread is a lot of you dumbasses willfully carry knives into airports and planes. I've only been stopped and told to throw out my safety razors once. But they didn't find my backup stash so I was fine.
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Aug 22, 2017 23:31
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Randaconda posted:somebody please do the needful 
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Aug 22, 2017 23:34
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Malachite_Dragon posted:What I've learned from this thread is a lot of you dumbasses willfully carry knives into airports and planes. And how effective TSA's attempts to stop them are.
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Aug 22, 2017 23:37
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There are, in fact, knife rights activists. Illinois had its switchblade ban repealed a week ago and I think there's still a bill in the pipeline to get rid of New York's "gravity knife" bullshit.
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Aug 22, 2017 23:37
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Meanwhile, TSA flips their poo poo when I put a folding keyboard on top of my laptop before putting it through the metal detector. Yes, that 4X4 inch square is where I hide all my contraband.
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Aug 22, 2017 23:40
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GnarlyCharlie4u posted:I've only been stopped and told to throw out my safety razors once. But they didn't find my backup stash so I was fine. Yeah it seems to completely depend on the competence and whims of whoever's working the checkpoint that day. I've flown for years with a little pair of scissors that I use to trim my beard. It's got short enough blades to be legal in carry-ons. I'm not sure if you can measure the length of the blades through the x-ray software, but only once has someone pulled the bag aside to measure them in person. I've also flown a dozen times with a safety razor with a blade loaded inside, because I assumed that it was allowed, like any other razor. Most of the time, no response. One security agent once pulled it out to look at it, then put it back in without a word (she was more interested in my fountain pen, which "doesn't look like any pen I've ever seen"). On another trip, a different agent took the razor out, removed the blade, and searched both my bags for the extra blades she believed I was carrying. I've also flown with a pocket knife accidentally at least twice. Once the x-ray person caught it the second my bag went into the machine; once I found it while I was digging in my bag on the plane. When I was a little kid I had a laser pointer in my pencil case, and the (pre-TSA) agents took it out and played with it for a while, seeing how far they could shine it down the terminal.
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Aug 22, 2017 23:56
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http://i.imgur.com/0sA0SYB.mp4
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Aug 22, 2017 23:58
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"Oh. So much for that. Hi human!" Oh, and I once found a machete under our living room couch when I was a kid. Schadenfreude is on my brother, I guess, because I told my dad about it because holy gently caress why do you have a machete we live in the suburbs.
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Aug 23, 2017 00:31
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Why would you hide it under the goddamn couch is a better question 
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Aug 23, 2017 00:38
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Look at these coddled newbs who don't understand the need for a couch machete. Next you'll be saying it's weird to keep your handguns in the vegetable crisper.
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Aug 23, 2017 00:48
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Bloody Hedgehog posted:Look at these coddled newbs who don't understand the need for a couch machete. You keep it in the freezer, idiot. Why do you think it's called icing someone? Smdh
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Aug 23, 2017 00:49
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Crisper is an extra step to get into. Just tape it to the inside of the door. When I was a kid, our machete was kept in with the canned food.
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Aug 23, 2017 00:49
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Malachite_Dragon posted:What I've learned from this thread is a lot of you dumbasses willfully carry knives into airports and planes. Man this is an awesome
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Aug 23, 2017 00:53
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Malachite_Dragon posted:Why would you hide it under the goddamn couch is a better question Right? Everyone knows that you're most likely to need a weapon while you're in bed. 
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Aug 23, 2017 00:54
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Bloody Hedgehog posted:Look at these coddled newbs who don't understand the need for a couch machete. EmmyOk posted:You keep it in the freezer, idiot. Why do you think it's called icing someone? Smdh You keep them in with the cereal, obviously. 
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Aug 23, 2017 01:21
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That's only if you're a patholigical killer like, bundy or dahmer. See this is why im the modrenator
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Aug 23, 2017 01:24
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EmmyOk posted:See this is why im the modrenator
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Aug 23, 2017 01:33
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Stormfront Nazis think the alt-right are idiotsNazi lacking any sense of self-awareness posted:"Some were carrying swastikas and that isn't good for our image, because of the propogabda [sic] embedded into everyone's minds," wrote user pontypool, although he later added that he was "glad for any whites uniting, even, the morons."
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Aug 23, 2017 01:34
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Isn't stormfront also on Cloudflare? I wonder why they didn't take them down too, only the DailyStormer?
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Aug 23, 2017 01:54
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Goon Danton posted:You keep them in with the cereal, obviously. This is exactly what came to mind when I thought about home defense. Vivica Fox's butt was awesome in that fight. 
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Aug 23, 2017 01:59
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A cereal killer
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Aug 23, 2017 02:04
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