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It's usually that a kid grows up thinking ninja or necromancers are the coolest thing ever and they focus on becoming one above all other skills. Trust me, I've seen it a million times over my aeons of transformation into an immortal dragon-king-god. Sure, ninja are sweet and they basically flip out ALL THE TIME and play electric guitars with their boners, and necromancy is a powerful school of magic, but you need a backup plan for your day job until you get your big break.
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May 24, 2017 06:07
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May 24, 2017 06:30
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:It's usually that a kid grows up thinking ninja or necromancers are the coolest thing ever and they focus on becoming one above all other skills. Trust me, I've seen it a million times over my aeons of transformation into an immortal dragon-king-god. Yeah. Necromancy is a big part of my schemes now, but it was basically the unpaid internship for a while. I was busting my rear end during the day working on curses and luring heroes into my tower to strike them down with Wizardry then I'd spend the evenings tinkering away in the crypts with fresh bodies. Seem a lot of youngsters think they're gonna be the next lich overlord and they just end up as grave diggers who sometimes accidentally cause the body to bump around in the casket
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May 24, 2017 06:53
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Hell, you practically need to be a lich already just to have the time and money necessary to turn yourself into one!
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May 24, 2017 16:15
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Okay, and this is important, you have to learn to invest wisely in local businesses. Not only do they provide a good front for all your... research... but they let you get your insidious grasp around just about everything. This is more of a Lawful Evil thing, you can kill and molest them all later on once you're established, but honestly there will be no delicious fear to harvest if you've wiped everyone out. Don't kill the goose that lays the golden eggs, and make sound financial decisions.
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May 24, 2017 17:17
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Personally, I find Liches to be a huge waste of immortality. It's amazing to me that beings that have a lot of time and power mostly just end up hiding out inside caves surrounded by undead servants and just spend their time reading from tomes. loving nerds. I'm sure that some of you might be exceptions, but that is just my experience. Personally, I am more into cyclical reincarnation. I have been reborn across countless generations. The nature of my curse is that I am reborn as the child of one of the heroes who have "slain" me. I regain my memories in adolescence and then murder my parents.
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May 24, 2017 17:52
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That's pretty metal.
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May 24, 2017 17:59
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Ya'll have been quite lately. Did I miss out on another dimension shift again?
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Aug 21, 2017 21:08
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I'm a good wizard my spells only do good things like causing immense and unknowable pain, but only to bad people
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Aug 21, 2017 21:12
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I'm a lich amd I find your comments to be tremendously insensitive. I am very generous towards my undead servants and feel I have had a good "life". gently caress you basically.
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Aug 21, 2017 22:26
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Because of last night's Game of Thrones, everyone is going to want a Dracolich. Yeah, didn't spoiler. Evil.
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Aug 21, 2017 23:25
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Automatic Slim posted:Because of last night's Game of Thrones, everyone is going to want a Dracolich. loving savage. 
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Aug 22, 2017 02:29
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Bacontotem posted:Ya'll have been quite lately. Did I miss out on another dimension shift again? https://youtu.be/NVppuv9Pcqk
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Aug 22, 2017 04:12
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extremely busy with the eclipse. where were you guys? I basically had to solo this. wtf class of the third liminal skull? where were you guys?
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Aug 22, 2017 04:29
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key party favors posted:extremely busy with the eclipse. where were you guys? I basically had to solo this. wtf class of the third liminal skull? where were you guys? spent the last several months dead (for tax purposes)
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Aug 22, 2017 04:40
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key party favors posted:extremely busy with the eclipse. where were you guys? I basically had to solo this. wtf class of the third liminal skull? where were you guys? Sorry bro theres this rad Fey Burrito Stand thats only open on the opposite end of earth of an eclipse. They got some rad Carne Guisada made from some sort of 3 headed cow.
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Aug 22, 2017 04:46
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key party favors posted:extremely busy with the eclipse. where were you guys? I basically had to solo this. wtf class of the third liminal skull? where were you guys? Ahaha Third Liminal Skulls, I can't believe anyone would willingly admit to being in that after Clazrew the Malice got tossed in the slammer for bungling a simple portal spell and warped an entire witch hunting agency into his lair
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Aug 22, 2017 05:30
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So they tell me, me!, that it doesnt loving matter if I got contracts with all this poo poo written out between me and joe shitfarmer or that I heal him fully and erase his memories of it afterwards, collecting his tears in vials is considered non-lawful and like, gently caress man, if its not lawful whyve I got so much signed paperwork and records coming out my rear end like Im trying to transmute air to wood?
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Aug 22, 2017 05:56
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Power_of_the_glory posted:Personally, I find Liches to be a huge waste of immortality. It's amazing to me that beings that have a lot of time and power mostly just end up hiding out inside caves surrounded by undead servants and just spend their time reading from tomes. loving nerds. I'm sure that some of you might be exceptions, but that is just my experience. Personally, I am more into cyclical reincarnation. I have been reborn across countless generations. The nature of my curse is that I am reborn as the child of one of the heroes who have "slain" me. I regain my memories in adolescence and then murder my parents. Do you find it disruptive to have to continually rebuild, or does your power base survive you missing 10-12 years?
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Aug 22, 2017 05:59
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Barudak posted:So they tell me, me!, that it doesnt loving matter if I got contracts with all this poo poo written out between me and joe shitfarmer or that I heal him fully and erase his memories of it afterwards, collecting his tears in vials is considered non-lawful and like, gently caress man, if its not lawful whyve I got so much signed paperwork and records coming out my rear end like Im trying to transmute air to wood? *clears throat* Ahem! *opens a dusty old tome and begins reading* "As educated, one will continue to strive to be the chaotic force within the region. Should one find that a local "lawful" community in fact be run, or through nefarious means, run by proxy of a chaotic demeanor it is within your right, nay your responsibility, within villainy guidelines of course, to over throw (through the most convoluted manner, allowing for multiple "turn of events") the current government and, if willing, impose your own "rule of law" upon said "community." This is literally villainy 101. I was a loving necromancer frosh when they taught us this tripe. What. Are you some Bog hag out of debussey? Toilet Shoes fucked around with this message at 06:09 on Aug 22, 2017 |
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Aug 22, 2017 06:07
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Automatic Slim posted:Because of last night's Game of Thrones, everyone is going to want a Dracolich. Nice! I mean, it's not evil because the pursuit of knowledge is never evil and the limited studies done (due to everyone being such coddled babies about it) have shown that "spoilers" don't actually decrease enjoyment of consumed, there's a actually a greater stigma attached to "spoilers" than, say, Satanism. Satanists actually are pretty ethical people and Keep The Laws better than most if not all other groups, as a whole. key party favors posted:extremely busy with the eclipse. where were you guys? I basically had to solo this. wtf class of the third liminal skull? where were you guys? Look, I've seen Raiders of the Lost Ark and I don't need that kind of poo poo in my unlike. I just don't. Barudak posted:So they tell me, me!, that it doesnt loving matter if I got contracts with all this poo poo written out between me and joe shitfarmer or that I heal him fully and erase his memories of it afterwards, collecting his tears in vials is considered non-lawful and like, gently caress man, if its not lawful whyve I got so much signed paperwork and records coming out my rear end like Im trying to transmute air to wood? That's just, like, one guy. Even if you take all his tears, it's not gonna be enough, not for the good poo poo. What you need to do is get multiple streams of reagents. One way to do so is to create a shell corporation (Like you don't know how to do this, we're all "evil" here, bro) that harvests the tears for you and absolves you of all responsibility should paladins or other do-"good"-ers start asking questions. For all my tear needs I generally rely on cursed eyewash stations with fluids which have conveniently have "just passed their expiration dates" and that the managers at whatever company I'm supplying conveniently "forgot" to order more while they were in their office making sure people didn't work more than 36 hours a week. You could also try onion farms, restaurant kitchens where the cuisine is onion-heavy or even try to get in touch with Dave Mustaine, he's got some great tears in a vial. He just cries directly in there whenever he thinks about James and Lars. Be creative! Whatever you choose to do, It just has to be simple, easily repeatable, and you gotta be able to use minions to automate the process. Which brings me to: Bacontotem posted:Ya'll have been quite lately. Did I miss out on another dimension shift again? My plan 'tis... fairly close to completion. I have Kept The Laws. I have amassed unassailable defenses, yea, that e'en the denizens of the Celestial Planes doth tremble at the thought of challenging my dread resplendence. I'm going to Alter a Law. Why would I do such a thing, I, who doth goad and prod and cajole others to Keep The Laws? In sooth, I have no love for these dread Laws, yea, e'en as I Keep them. For they are... they are... just the worst. Seriously guys. I hate The Laws. I cannot undo them as they are part of the fabric of Reality the Creator wove as he shat Reality into hellish Existence. With his many butts, obviously. I'm not going to go into specifics here because any paladin or adventurer with  can post here and read my plans, and I didn't get to be a lich by letting other people in on my plans, but suffice it to say, I have finally ground out enough reagents to substantially change one (1) of the Laws.Which Law? I cannot decide at the moment. However... I would be open to suggestions. And bribes. Bribes are important. Fellow "Evil" Wizards, tell me which Law you would have me change to a mockery of it's former self, and how much you're gonna pay for finally, finally, making The Laws... just.
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Aug 22, 2017 06:37
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Legalize Hemp
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Aug 22, 2017 06:46
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Which Law? I cannot decide at the moment. However... I would be open to suggestions. And bribes. Bribes are important. For me, it's 100% The Law of Equivalency. Like, Christ, I get it. "There must always be a balance." "Without good, there can be no evil. Without evil, there can be no justice." We're all linked by threads of fate in this vast multiverse. But for fucks sake, just once I'd like to have the opportunity to raise a fresh horde or conspire with local death cults without that necessarily tweaking the tapestry enough to lead some jackass with a new sword and his lyre-strumming sidekick right into the lair with just enough awareness to dodge the traps. You do something about that, and I'd be willing to part with the smoldering remnants of an elder celestial I've been trying to corrupt for the last century. Hell, I'll even throw in an urn containing the soul of the last elven princess of Calron and maybe this dagger wielded by Malifax Maleforem
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Aug 22, 2017 06:55
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This is the end of you I found the font of life and I now possess infinite life magic reserves ...Behold! *grows massive erection* *Screams like Goku going super saiyan* *Buries u under endless thick, warm stream of ejaculate*
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Aug 22, 2017 07:00
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Skypie posted:For me, it's 100% The Law of Equivalency. Like, Christ, I get it. "There must always be a balance." "Without good, there can be no evil. Without evil, there can be no justice." We're all linked by threads of fate in this vast multiverse. Half up front or gently caress off.
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Aug 22, 2017 07:00
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T-the power!! It's overwhelming! N-no! This can't be!! UuuuuuugghgghNnnnnnooooo *Explodes in a shower of cum*
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Aug 22, 2017 07:19
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Re: Tears. Not all tears are equal. Farmer's tears aren't the same as the tears of a vengeful demon or a war God or something badass like that. An orphan's tears won't get you much. Tears of a million orphans, now we're talking. Re: The Law of Equivalency Don't fall for this. It's not a real law, it's psychological. Yes, in magic you've got to give something to get something but it's not karma. Just invest in better defenses. Gods of justice are just might makes right with a better light show. Capt. Rainbowbeard is onto something. As for the Laws regarding pacts with the ruinous powers, don't gently caress around with those. Those Laws involve contracts and breaking those will wreck your poo poo. Edit: Capt. Rainbowbeard, pervert the Law of Supply and Demand. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 09:43 on Aug 22, 2017 |
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Aug 22, 2017 09:14
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In regards to laws, can you do something about gravity? That poo poo's always keeping me down.
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Aug 22, 2017 12:52
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I know it's more like a guidline and not a LAW, but you do something with Never Deal With A Dragon? I've got sooooo many ideas, cmon make them, like, not gently caress us over so much, or less vengefull, can you do that?
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Aug 22, 2017 13:03
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This would be very useful now that everyone wants a pet Dracolich.
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Aug 22, 2017 15:49
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Toilet Shoes posted:Legalize Hemp The Laws of Man do not concern me, and I'm pretty sure cannabis is going to be legal everywhere soon anyway. This seems like a waste, plus, what's in it for me? Verily, I can toke up most unrighteously whenever the spirit doth grab me. Goa Tse-tung posted:I know it's more like a guidline and not a LAW, but you do something with Never Deal With A Dragon? I've got sooooo many ideas, cmon make them, like, not gently caress us over so much, or less vengefull, can you do that? That's more of a Rule Of Thumb, which, whilebgenerally should be Followed, may be safely ignored, mostly. Hmm. The Law of Supply and Demand or the Law of Equivalency. I will take some time to decide and also allow for some of you yahoos to read the Book wherein the Laws are Kept so that you may reacquaint yourselves with them so that you may know what you want me to Alter first. Also to let you guys get some more bribes together. I realize this is short notice to spring something like this upon you.
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Aug 23, 2017 04:57
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I've been in hiding. How do i lose the heat from slaughtering an entire light side college including high paladin inquisitor Movrain? I have no idea how, but they have a blood sample so they can reliably track me now. Ive been moving every 36 hours but frankly im running out of hiding spots. I cant return to my lair as there are too many critical items not least of which are the phylacteries of several wizards....
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Aug 23, 2017 06:42
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Goddamn, here we are talking about keeping the Laws and in strolls someone who wiped out not just a college but managed to ice the manifestation of virtue and justice in the Fourth Mortal Realm. If they have your blood, my strongest recommendation is the old body swap. Swap in to some peasant and dump your old body somewhere in a cave or labyrinth. If you're fast enough, you might be lucky enough that by the time they find (and probably execute) the poor innocent sod in your old body, you'll be safe and sound back in the lair. Word of warning though: there's gonna be heat on you for a long time and I would keep as low a profile as possible for, oh, a century minimum
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Aug 23, 2017 06:50
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Well, start hiring/thralling any mercenaries at every town and city. Send them out after the people hunting you. While they provide distraction, you attack from another angle. Or at least destroy that blood sample.
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Aug 23, 2017 06:50
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Skypie posted:Goddamn, here we are talking about keeping the Laws and in strolls someone who wiped out not just a college but managed to ice the manifestation of virtue and justice in the Fourth Mortal Realm. Movrain didn't like me from the start and he essentially hosed up badly because he was a showman first and a paladin second. He discovered i had enthralled some students as reagent producing slaves under the guise of apprenticeship and was in the process of a public call out. The idiot. He Threw down his hammer at my feet in dramatic fashion and made his accusation. Sensing i was caught and hosed, i cursed the hammer, picked it up, and shattered it. The explosion killed basically everything. If he hadnt been such a flamboyant showman i would probably be in a magi prison
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Aug 23, 2017 07:33
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Body swapping is probably the best in this situation, 'it's true. Like Skypie said, make sure to keep a low profile for a while, so no one casts Detect Evil on you.
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Aug 23, 2017 13:01
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I put someone's soul in a jar but now the lid is on really tight and I can't open it. I even cast a spell to increase my strength, this loving lid is on tight. This jar was expensive I don't want to break it. Before you ask I tried a spell to open it but my spell apparently only works on doors.
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Aug 23, 2017 13:21
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Al Borland Corp. posted:I put someone's soul in a jar but now the lid is on really tight and I can't open it. I even cast a spell to increase my strength, this loving lid is on tight. This jar was expensive I don't want to break it. Before you ask I tried a spell to open it but my spell apparently only works on doors. Have you tried submerging the lid in a bowl of boiling hot water? that usually loosens it up pretty good. Or, you know, a bowl of children's tears brought to boil over the heat of a captive dæmon, if you need to shoehorn some evilness in there.
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Aug 23, 2017 13:50
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I need the soul to capture the demon in the first place. Heating the lid is a good idea, if the lid were metal. It's actually a special substance called metalbone, which constricts with heat. I got an idea though, I think I'll just set up the ritual with the soul still in the jar. I'll just have to suspend it in mid air. Give me a minute.
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Aug 23, 2017 15:12
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If it constricts with heat what does a ice spell do.
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Aug 23, 2017 15:38
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