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Pick posted:That's just good planning. Why hasn't she proposed? I mean, let's ignore how outdated marriage is, if she has such a focused mindset on marriage, why doesn't she advance it? It's daft all around.
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Aug 26, 2017 05:33
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Pick posted:well they're impregnating one another, so some roller coasters get pregnant, if it helps It does, thanks.
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Aug 26, 2017 05:34
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Yeah I went into that expecting something like "i'm out at 5 years good or bad" but that just sounds like a woman with good sense and a spine
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Aug 26, 2017 05:36
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andrew smash posted:Yeah I went into that expecting something like "i'm out at 5 years good or bad" but that just sounds like a woman with good sense and a spine She could at least tell him when the "poo poo or get off the pot" time threshold is. Withholding information and bad communication is not a recipe for success. That said "So I guess you're gonna want a ring now, huh?"  is the loving worst way to bring up the issue.
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Aug 26, 2017 05:38
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I do agree with that but i also think that in the middle of a fight he obviously started by being a poo poo when he is repeatedly insisting that she tell him, it's understandable that she balked at it.
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Aug 26, 2017 05:40
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andrew smash posted:I do agree with that but i also think that in the middle of a fight he obviously started by being a poo poo when he is repeatedly insisting that she tell him, it's understandable that she balked at it. Information wants to be free
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Aug 26, 2017 05:41
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WampaLord posted:That said "So I guess you're gonna want a ring now, huh?" I wonder if that guy realizes how hard he owned himself by making fun of his girlfriend for wanting to marry him
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Aug 26, 2017 05:45
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Absurd Alhazred posted:Why hasn't she proposed? I mean, let's ignore how outdated marriage is, if she has such a focused mindset on marriage, why doesn't she advance it? It's daft all around. It's the old 'don't propose unless you know the answer is yes' thing, because otherwise your partner might break your heart now by saying no or break your heart later by saying yes but never being invested in the marriage.
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Aug 26, 2017 05:57
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Haifisch posted:I assume she wants him to be as into the marriage as she would be. If he's noncommittal enough that they aren't even talking about getting hitched, a surprise proposal from her wouldn't really get her what she wants here. Where in this: quote:During the fight she said she "wasn't the kind of girl to try and trick me into a proposal." And that she "knew how long she was willing to wait for me to propose and that if I didn't then she wouldn't know it was time for her to move on"
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Aug 26, 2017 05:58
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WampaLord posted:She could at least tell him when the "poo poo or get off the pot" time threshold is. Withholding information and bad communication is not a recipe for success. If you tell him then you're giving him permission to wait exactly that long, which isn't fair for you either because you have the right to adjust that date for yourself depending on circumstances, but he'll blame you if reasons cause you to mentally shift that date up and he still thinks you're on for 2024.
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Aug 26, 2017 06:00
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It's one thing to have a "where is our relationship going?" talk* once in a while to be clear that you are both on the same page, quite another to wait for the other person to be the driving force in what is presumably, in TYOOFL 2017, a partnership, rather than a lopsided sexist stereotype. * In Hebrew it's "שיחת "יחסינו לאן, much shorter and to the point; is there something similar in English I'm not aware of?
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Aug 26, 2017 06:05
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"do it or don't do it"
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Aug 26, 2017 06:06
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"fish or cut bait"
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Aug 26, 2017 06:06
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"bloat or rip rear end"
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Aug 26, 2017 06:06
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I can't believe Pick of all people didn't lead with "poo poo or get off the pot"
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Aug 26, 2017 06:14
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That's not really what that means, though. Again, this is all around this unilateral marriage proposal centered mentality.
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Aug 26, 2017 06:16
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hugh be or not to be
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Aug 26, 2017 06:30
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Pick posted:hugh be or not to be Pick, you need this: 
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Aug 26, 2017 06:32
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WampaLord posted:Pick, you need this: yeah sorry, i lived that and it was way stupider and more frustrating than any "star trek: the next generation" fanfic wow
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Aug 26, 2017 06:38
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"i am trying to be in a relationship with this person but my frame of reference is star trek next generation characters and none of them were sufficiently autistic to prepare me for my reality "
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Aug 26, 2017 06:39
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Hugh: "Thank you, Data. I shall treasure this 'gift,' as you call it, always." *Pick cries over the depiction of a grateful, emotionally expressive Hugh*
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Aug 26, 2017 07:51
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Absurd Alhazred posted:Mods change my name to Unshorn Corn Porn https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01A4E0MD6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_vXrOzbNXJAHMB E: detassel me, baby Pvt.Scott fucked around with this message at 08:07 on Aug 26, 2017 |
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Aug 26, 2017 08:01
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In need of help with a 'bullying' case.quote:Hey everyone,  [UPDATE] [AR] In need of help with a 'bullying' case. quote:Hey everyone. If your break up plan involves drafting faux-legal paperwork to give you a cover for ghosting someone you're trying way too hard
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Aug 26, 2017 13:29
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drat colleges with they SAFE SPACES quote:Forgot my location, this is taking place in Arkansas. 
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Aug 26, 2017 15:05
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Absurd Alhazred posted:It's one thing to have a "where is our relationship going?" talk* once in a while to be clear that you are both on the same page, quite another to wait for the other person to be the driving force in what is presumably, in TYOOFL 2017, a partnership, rather than a lopsided sexist stereotype. I do agree that women should feel as comfortable to propose as men are, but at the same time, it seems reasonable to me that after a certain period of time, if both parties in a relationship aren't willing to commit (in such a way as to get various legal benefits, mind, marriage isn't 'just like' living together with a long-term exclusive partner and that's one of the reasons why), it's fair to move on. If a guy is 100% unwilling to propose he's probably not going to accept a proposal either, and unfortunately some guys are actually put off by their girlfriends proposing because they feel emasculated or something. I've heard there's sometimes a problem in lesbian relationships where stuff like proposing or even asking someone out is put off because each person feels like they're not the one who is 'supposed to' initiate. That sounds frustrating.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:39
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PetraCore posted:I do agree that women should feel as comfortable to propose as men are, but at the same time, it seems reasonable to me that after a certain period of time, if both parties in a relationship aren't willing to commit (in such a way as to get various legal benefits, mind, marriage isn't 'just like' living together with a long-term exclusive partner and that's one of the reasons why), it's fair to move on. If a guy is 100% unwilling to propose he's probably not going to accept a proposal either, and unfortunately some guys are actually put off by their girlfriends proposing because they feel emasculated or something. i dunno, i think it's important to take into account context i had a friend who's wife really pressured for a proposal, and later a marriage date, when he was finishing his phd. imagine being in the middle of your thesis and saying that you're 100% on board with getting married, but first you want to defend your thesis and see where you'll be working, and being treated like you're some wishy washy dude who wants to pretend they could just pull up stakes and bang all the poon at any given moment
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Aug 26, 2017 15:43
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maskenfreiheit posted:i dunno, i think it's important to take into account context She was 100% right though. Your spouse has to take priority over a piece of paper.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:44
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maskenfreiheit posted:i dunno, i think it's important to take into account context I mean I feel like going 'I want to marry you but let's stay engaged while I do my thesis work just so we're not planning a wedding in the middle of that' is fairly reasonable. Engagement is already a level of commitment, it just gets ridiculous when people have been engaged for literal years with no sign of setting a date.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:47
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Pick posted:She was 100% right though. Your spouse has to take priority over a piece of paper. uh, saying "yeah, we should definitely get married sometime in the next year or two but let's hold off on specifics for six months while i defend my thesis and conclude my job search" is pretty reasonable, especially when they entered the relationship knowing you're a phd student. PetraCore posted:I mean I feel like going 'I want to marry you but let's stay engaged while I do my thesis work just so we're not planning a wedding in the middle of that' is fairly reasonable. Engagement is already a level of commitment, it just gets ridiculous when people have been engaged for literal years with no sign of setting a date. the other issue is a worldwide job search. my friend was looking at professorships in the US and the UK really basic stuff like "should we get married at the courthouse and have a small reception with family at another date or have a larger, more traditional wedding" is more easily answered when you know what continent you'll be living on. without knowing that it's hard to pick a venue, without a venue it's hard to pick a date maskenfreiheit fucked around with this message at 15:50 on Aug 26, 2017 |
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Aug 26, 2017 15:48
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Pick posted:She was 100% right though. Your spouse has to take priority over a piece of paper. Academia has a lot of problems but if you're already so close to getting a doctorate working on your thesis is important for later quality of life. For both you AND your spouse, mind!
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Aug 26, 2017 15:48
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Alternatively, get married, it is incredibly loving easy. And then just say that you would prefer the ceremony to be after the end of your thesis because of how much planning it requires to get it right.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:48
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PetraCore posted:Academia has a lot of problems but if you're already so close to getting a doctorate working on your thesis is important for later quality of life. For both you AND your spouse, mind! Yes, your doctorate is incredibly important for your quality of life, it ensures that you will never make more than $40,000 a year.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:49
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Pick posted:Alternatively, get married, it is incredibly loving easy. And then just say that you would prefer the ceremony to be after the end of your thesis because of how much planning it requires to get it right. Okay but to some people that's not acceptable because the ceremony is important to them. I'm not saying it's not a good idea, I'm saying things can get emotionally complicated because people aren't beep boop logical.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:50
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Pick posted:Alternatively, get married, it is incredibly loving easy. And then just say that you would prefer the ceremony to be after the end of your thesis because of how much planning it requires to get it right. Getting married is stupid easy unless you've bought into the myth that you need a wedding big enough to put you into debt.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:50
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Pick posted:Yes, your doctorate is incredibly important for your quality of life, it ensures that you will never make more than $40,000 a year. maybe if you're in a scrub tier major. add 100k to that for computer science
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Aug 26, 2017 15:51
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PetraCore posted:Okay but to some people that's not acceptable because the ceremony is important to them. I'm not saying it's not a good idea, I'm saying things can get emotionally complicated because people aren't beep boop logical. But that is at least a compromise that you can recommend, instead of telling a woman to wait two or maybe three or maybe four years for any kind of real commitment. Most women I know, especially these days, I'm not really looking for a big ceremony. They are looking for the evidence that someone actually cares enough to commit to them. That you can do an afternoon.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:51
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then again im an unemployed burnt out phd dropout so take what i say with a grain of salt the size of bonneville
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Aug 26, 2017 15:51
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maskenfreiheit posted:maybe if you're in a scrub tier major. add 100k to that for computer science If you were getting a PhD in computer science, it means you are goddamn fool. Because if you were any good at computer science, you would've entered the field six years before making bank the entire time, building up a resume of experience which is what companies actually hire based on.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:53
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Pick posted:But that is at least a compromise that you can recommend, instead of telling a woman to wait two or maybe three or maybe four years for any kind of real commitment. Most women I know, especially these days, I'm not really looking for a big ceremony. They are looking for the evidence that someone actually cares enough to commit to them. That you can do an afternoon. Fair enough. 
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Aug 26, 2017 15:53
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Bear in mind that I am also extremely embittered about grad school based on my experiences there and that of my friends.
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Aug 26, 2017 15:55
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