Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

sneakyfrog posted:

So if its not then i guess I'm doing it wrong huh.

poo poo. I guess I'll get right on that.

no sass

# ? Aug 28, 2017 19:47

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# ? May 13, 2024 21:02

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

maskenfreiheit posted:

no sass

Sorry about your suffering, but you have a giant head start on being a Buddhist though So i guess thats good

# ? Aug 28, 2017 19:48

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

sneakyfrog posted:

Sorry about your suffering, but you have a giant head start on being a Buddhist though So i guess thats good

no sass = no backtalk.

move along guy who had the misfortune to get a frog av pre trump

# ? Aug 28, 2017 19:50

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

maskenfreiheit posted:

no sass = no backtalk.

move along guy who had the misfortune to get a frog av pre trump

Sorry about your mod delusions friend.

Excuse me someone lovingly crafted this avatar for me out of genuine pixels, and whoever that person was is both cool and good. Sorry about your aversion to frogs, which are also cool.

In addition one of my cats is named Special Agent Dog. Because its funny.

# ? Aug 28, 2017 20:02

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

Is it too much to ask to have your respectful attention whilst I explain particle physics and quantum theory???? Gosh!

But seriously, the kinds of people who do that are probably the kinds of people who say things like "I love pets more than people" unironically, which is really creepy imo

# ? Aug 28, 2017 20:05

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

sneakyfrog posted:

Sorry about your mod delusions friend.

Excuse me someone lovingly crafted this avatar for me out of genuine pixels, and whoever that person was is both cool and good. Sorry about your aversion to frogs, which are also cool.

In addition one of my cats is named Special Agent Dog. Because its funny.

Both of you need to be shoved in a locker real badly.

# ? Aug 28, 2017 20:08

Rumda: Nov 4, 2009; Moth Lesbian Comrade

To be fair my isn't 40% likely to be a trump supporter so that give her one up on humans

# ? Aug 28, 2017 20:09

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Both of you need to be shoved in a locker real badly.

Please

# ? Aug 28, 2017 20:10

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

sorry thread.

# ? Aug 28, 2017 20:17

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

yeah I eat rear end posted:

Both of you need to be shoved in a locker real badly.

joke's on you, i don't fit in a locker boy you feel dumb now

# ? Aug 28, 2017 20:23

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

A dumpster is sort of like a locker for garbage so it wouldn't even be weird.

# ? Aug 28, 2017 20:27

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

Every time I tumble back into this thread when there's a bunch of posts it's because I wanna see if therapy goon got a restraining order but then it's just some inane derail. Sad!

# ? Aug 28, 2017 23:47

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Police Automaton posted:

Every time I tumble back into this thread when there's a bunch of posts it's because I wanna see if therapy goon got a restraining order but then it's just some inane derail. Sad!

I think therapy goon is dead

# ? Aug 28, 2017 23:48

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

A Fancy Hat posted:

I installed a garden hose in my bathroom. I'll get in the shower and just pressure wash my rear end in a top hat clean after each and every bowel movement. Saves on TP and I'm cleaner than I've ever been in my life.

Literally every bathroom in Thailand.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 00:17

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

bradzilla posted:

I think therapy goon is dead

I hope not, but it's been quite awhile. Either dead or married.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 01:50

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

Solice Kirsk posted:

I hope not, but it's been quite awhile. Either dead or married.

Seriously.

I'm kinda wondering if the silence is death or she cut him off from the internets because we were trying to give him advice she didn't like.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 01:58

Rumda: Nov 4, 2009; Moth Lesbian Comrade

She probably just cut him off at the neck or crotch.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 03:25

The Mighty Moltres: Dec 21, 2012; Come! We must fly!

RFC2324 posted:

Seriously.

I'm kinda wondering if the silence is death or she cut him off from the internets because we were trying to give him advice she didn't like.

She's using his account and reading this very thread, while he sits gagged and bound in the corner of the room.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 05:22

Doctor Malaver: May 23, 2007; Ce qui s'est pass� t'a rendu plus fort

Atlas Hugged posted:

Literally every bathroom in Thailand.

What kind of hobby do yo have that took you through so many Thailand bathrooms?

# ? Aug 29, 2017 06:41

RestingB1tchFace: Jul 4, 2016; Opinions are like a$$holes....everyone has one....but mines the best!!!

I would definitely gently caress my therapist.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 06:44

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

RestingB1tchFace posted:

I would definitely gently caress my therapist.

But every session I have with her I'm perfecting not being that guy

Some times I puke up sertraline but I can hold it in for a short bathroom break.

(why are so many women in mental health so gorgeous, I need a dude doc)

# ? Aug 29, 2017 07:07

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

syscall girl posted:

But every session I have with her I'm perfecting not being that guy

Some times I puke up sertraline but I can hold it in for a short bathroom break.

(why are so many women in mental health so gorgeous, I need a dude doc)

They make a career out of manipulating people, like all attractive people.

God I wanna die.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 07:23

Sally: Jan 9, 2007; Don't post Small Dash!

next therapy goon confession with be from the therapist confessing to murder

# ? Aug 29, 2017 07:29

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Motherfucker posted:

They make a career out of manipulating people, like all attractive people.

God I wanna die.

We all do a little.

If I say "seek help" this isn't going to fix anything is it :cry:

# ? Aug 29, 2017 07:33

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

Doctor Malaver posted:

What kind of hobby do yo have that took you through so many Thailand bathrooms?

Eating Thai food mostly.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 10:24

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

syscall girl posted:

We all do a little.

If I say "seek help" this isn't going to fix anything is it

Get therapist :pervert:

# ? Aug 29, 2017 11:39

axolotl farmer: May 17, 2007; Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme

HerStuddMuffin posted:

Get therapist

code:

Ok. Got it.
>INVENTORY

You got:
Lamp; Brass key, Yarn, Therapist

>USE THERAPIST

I don't understand.

>APPLY THERAPIST

I don't understand. 

>TALK THERAPIST

Your mind eases.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 12:27

Gynovore: Jun 17, 2009; Forget your RoboCoX or your StickyCoX or your EvilCoX, MY CoX has Blinking Bewbs!

WHY IS THIS GAME DEAD?!

axolotl farmer posted:

code:

>INVENTORY

You got:
Lamp; Brass key, Yarn, Therapist

No one under age 40 will get this.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 14:34

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

Gynovore posted:

No one under age 40 will get this.

good.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 14:39

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Gynovore posted:

No one under age 40 will get this.

hosed up

man it's gonna be weird when there's degrees for digital archeology and they look at this

# ? Aug 29, 2017 14:43

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I got it

quote:

I confess that I've been cheating on my wife for 2 months now. She gained about 100 lbs during pregnancy and after she miscarried and refuses to lose the weight. She's about 210 lbs right now and I'm no longer in love with her.

I have started seeing a woman from work who knows the entire situation and is fine with it so long as I eventually leave my wife for her. I probably will not as my wife is the breadwinner here. I realize that's pretty cowardly but I'm very much stuck in a tough situation.

Also I have my wife ample time to grieve after the miscarriage, so I'm not some fitness obsessed rear end in a top hat. The miscarriage was almost 6 months ago and we never even named it. I have also offered to help her lose weight (ordering her salads when we go out, buying healthy things she can cook for herself, locking the fridge when I'm out of the house, signing her up for weight loss classes, and even offering to drive her to the gym and eating dinner while she works out so she isn't tempted.

I rate it at about a 60% chance that her refusing to lose the weight was at least part your fault for being too pushy about it too soon. It's been 6 months now, but you were already at "have an affair" level of fed up by 2 months ago. When exactly did you switch from supportive weight-loss partner to "welp guess my wife is just perma-fat now; time to move on with my life"? You either started getting on her about her weight very soon after the miscarriage, or you gave up on her very soon after you started trying to get her to move on. Remember, this kind of thing is often harder on the woman than on the man.

Either way you need to pick a woman. If you really think she's not going to be able to move past and heal etc then pull the loving trigger; otherwise break off the thing with your coworker. poo poo or get off the pot.

quote:

I have a fetish for women being roboticized.

I never told my wife this and, now we're talking about Halloween costumes, and I suggested a robot.

I hope she agrees so I may gently caress her in the robot gear.

As far as Sonic-The-Hedgehog-induced fetishes go this is actually slightly less creepy than furries

# ? Aug 29, 2017 14:47

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

loquacius posted:

I got it

I rate it at about a 60% chance that her refusing to lose the weight was at least part your fault for being too pushy about it too soon. It's been 6 months now, but you were already at "have an affair" level of fed up by 2 months ago. When exactly did you switch from supportive weight-loss partner to "welp guess my wife is just perma-fat now; time to move on with my life"? You either started getting on her about her weight very soon after the miscarriage, or you gave up on her very soon after you started trying to get her to move on. Remember, this kind of thing is often harder on the woman than on the man.

Either way you need to pick a woman. If you really think she's not going to be able to move past and heal etc then pull the loving trigger; otherwise break off the thing with your coworker. poo poo or get off the pot.

Your wife sounds depressed, go with her to see a psychiatrist.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 14:57

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Also stop ordering for her at restaurants and treating her like a toddler by locking the refrigerator.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 14:59

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Lock up the fridge? Wtf

# ? Aug 29, 2017 15:00

Fintilgin: Sep 29, 2004; Fintilgin sweeps!

Gynovore posted:

No one under age 40 will get this.

I got it! I'm 38!! :mad:

# ? Aug 29, 2017 15:01

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

Lmao at locking the fridge when you aren't at home.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 15:01

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

I am under 40 and got it.

Also classic fake fesh. Starts reasonable then veers off at the end. We've seen this pattern before.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 15:03

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Physical attraction is important to a long-term relationship but if all it takes is weight gain for you to no longer love your partner, I don't think you loved her in the first place.

Also stop dating someone who has one firm condition for a relationship that you've got no intention of satisfying, rear end in a top hat.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 15:06

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

shut up blegum posted:

Lmao at locking the fridge when you aren't at home.

# ? Aug 29, 2017 15:10

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# ? May 13, 2024 21:02

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

PetraCore posted:

Physical attraction is important to a long-term relationship but if all it takes is weight gain for you to no longer love your partner, I don't think you loved her in the first place.

Also stop dating someone who has one firm condition for a relationship that you've got no intention of satisfying, rear end in a top hat.

yeah weight is just a number, if the only reason you don't want to date someone is weight, you're a bad person. any on hot takes from /r/incels you care to share?

maskenfreiheit fucked around with this message at 15:24 on Aug 29, 2017

# ? Aug 29, 2017 15:17

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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