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Nuclear families are lovely. Cat parents have it figured out, when they get overwhelmed by their fuzzy bundles of joy then can hang out on top of the cat tower and just catch their breath. i think those two got it figured out, dad has his space he can escape to with weed and video games while the wife does all the work she signed up for by creating a glorious new life with someone she used to count on. Really we should all be like India, where our in-laws and parents live in the same sprawling complex so they can instill ancient prejudices into the next generation, unlike lovely Americans, who have to learn hatred through the TV.
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Aug 30, 2017 22:34
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Ive met an unfortunate number of people who say things like "I cant have kids, so that just means god doesnt want me to have any" and never adopt which seems super lovely but aligns with my feeling that way more people I meet who adopt have bio kids of their own. I had a teacher in school who had two natural kids and 14(?) adopted kids he and his wife put through school and I will not lie that his family reunion photos were absolute madness what with all the grandkids.
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Aug 30, 2017 22:36
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http://www.theonion.com/article/area-ceo-likes-to-think-of-family-as-small-close-k-34852
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Aug 30, 2017 22:37
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WampaLord posted:Yea, and those people are dumb. Stop giving a gently caress about your dumb genes, just adopt, you'll love it exactly the same. agree, also, just stop having sex people! it's stupid and messy and leads to Problems! just knock it off you dinguses! also you only really need to eat carrots and potatoes with butter, and drink cool water. anything else is a waste of money turns out biological urges are super strong and it's extremely hard to overcome your innate impulses to do things like have children
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Aug 30, 2017 22:42
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It's a nice story, so hopefully it works out, but I'm really not optimistic for it. Children are a lot of work, especially going into it as(Essentially)a single mother, and there's absolutely no chance she's not going to feel guilty for asking him for help when she will definitely need it, and there's an equally zero chance that he's not going to resent her asking for that help. As for the argument on him letting her leave, I don't think it was meant in that way, and those were her words, not his. I doubt he would've outright forced her to stay, in any event. The real messy situation in that event is that he was under the impression that she literally could not have children and she, to his knowledge, was still on birth control, so it's hard to just call him an idiot for not doing everything he could to avoid kids, and it's also a bit hosed up(In my mind, at least)to insist that he has to just be okay with having a child running around out there that he honestly never wanted and did everything he could to avoid having, whether he meets it or not. If someone just really doesn't want to have kids, forcing that on him with "Well you'll never have to meet it" still does feel a bit unfair; he'll always have to deal with the fact that he abandoned his child, which is crazily emotionally taxing regardless of whether or not he had every right to do that. I'm not saying she should be forced into abortion in the situation, for obvious reasons, just that I really don't think the guy is being unreasonable for being uncomfortable with the prospect of her just leaving to raise the kid on her own.
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Aug 30, 2017 22:51
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David Heinrich posted:It's a nice story, so hopefully it works out, but I'm really not optimistic for it. Children are a lot of work, especially going into it as(Essentially)a single mother, and there's absolutely no chance she's not going to feel guilty for asking him for help when she will definitely need it, and there's an equally zero chance that he's not going to resent her asking for that help. As for the argument on him letting her leave, I don't think it was meant in that way, and those were her words, not his. I doubt he would've outright forced her to stay, in any event. The real messy situation in that event is that he was under the impression that she literally could not have children and she, to his knowledge, was still on birth control, so it's hard to just call him an idiot for not doing everything he could to avoid kids, and it's also a bit hosed up(In my mind, at least)to insist that he has to just be okay with having a child running around out there that he honestly never wanted and did everything he could to avoid having, whether he meets it or not. If someone just really doesn't want to have kids, forcing that on him with "Well you'll never have to meet it" still does feel a bit unfair; he'll always have to deal with the fact that he abandoned his child, which is crazily emotionally taxing regardless of whether or not he had every right to do that. I'm not saying she should be forced into abortion in the situation, for obvious reasons, just that I really don't think the guy is being unreasonable for being uncomfortable with the prospect of her just leaving to raise the kid on her own. Yeah he got a rough hand and he's not gonna get much sympathy over it from internet dillweeds but what ya gonna do, there's no kind of sex involving a dick and vagina that carries a 0% risk of pregnancy and dudes can't unilaterally abort, cut your nuts off and join a monastery
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Aug 30, 2017 23:44
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My [22M] girlfriend [19F] hates her birthday present and thinks I'm an egoistquote:So her birthday was today. I've thought long and hard what I should get her and finally decided to buy her one of these Japanese school girl sailor suit outfits because I thought it would look great on her and I've always fantasized what she would look like in one. We sometimes watch anime together so it's not like she doesn't know this outfit at all and I genuinely believed that she'd like it. It also wasn't that cheap, I didn't buy one of these Chinese rip-off outfits but it's an authentic Japanese product flown in from Tokyo.
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Aug 30, 2017 23:46
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Buzkashi posted:My [22M] girlfriend [19F] hates her birthday present and thinks I'm an egoist was legit surprised his gf is white
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Aug 30, 2017 23:48
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Total Meatlove posted:Usually an extended essay that can form one of the required modules of many to achieve a full degree. I can’t remember how long they normally are - 15k words? It’s more than possible that the dissertation is finished but they’re awaiting exam results. Okay, that makes sense. I'm used to the terminology in the US where a thesis is for MA students (and I guess some BAs?) and dissertation is the last part of a PhD where they tell you then and there after the defense if you passed or not.
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Aug 30, 2017 23:50
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PetraCore posted:See! Middle ground! He's either gonna fall in love with the baby and things will work out or he's going to become a intense ball of resentment and things will implode, but either way it's not really a middleground so much as her unilaterally making an 18 year decision for both their lives.
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Aug 30, 2017 23:51
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Buzkashi posted:My [22M] girlfriend [19F] hates her birthday present and thinks I'm an egoist peak reddit has been achieved how many comments are backing dude up I can't find it
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Aug 30, 2017 23:53
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"I got my girlfriend an outfit to satisfy my fetish for her birthday and she's angry at me? Internet please advise" e: Yeah, the dude is getting hosed over hard in this scenario, and there's gonna be a lot of harsh resentment going forward. It's depressing, but that's life.
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Aug 30, 2017 23:54
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David Heinrich posted:"I got my girlfriend an outfit to satisfy my fetish for her birthday and she's angry at me? Internet please advise" I don't understand why she keeps saying her present is all about me, I thought she would get my dick really hard if she wore it!
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Aug 30, 2017 23:55
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Buzkashi posted:she thought it was egotistical of me to gift her this present because I had actually bought it with myself in mind, of course I disagreed quote:I had simply thought that she would look sexy in a sailor suit outfit  My [24F] boyfriend [24M] of 2 years bought me a gift I hate. Did I gently caress up by telling him? quote:So my birthday is fast approaching and as such the discussion of gifts has been a hot topic in our house. My boyfriend is usually anxious about giving gifts but this time he kept hinting he had a really good idea and seemed really excited about it. In addition he joked he'd cry if I didn't like the gift and made it clear that he would be genuinely upset. He also mentioned he'd be upset if I found out the surprise before my birthday and as such went to the length of having it delivered to his parents address rather than ours. One of his hints was ' I can see us still using these in 50 years when we're old and grey' - intriguing and kinda romantic right?
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Aug 30, 2017 23:55
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ArbitraryC posted:it's not really a middle ground, she gets everything she wants and he begrudgingly goes along with something he emphatically doesn't want because he's so invested in their 8 year relationship that he wants to at least try and work through it. ultimately it is her choice and nobody else's, so you can't really blame her for making a unilateral choice when biology works that way imo he'll be a lot less resentful because she's already lowered her expectations of him as a father, which is the fair thing to do even if it is harder on her. and i wouldn't say that he "emphatically doesn't want" the kid, if he did he would just take the out of being a deadbeat. like he doesn't have to skip out and be guilty, nor does he have to settle down and commit - he gets to hover at some distance being a "co-parent" instead of a father
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Aug 30, 2017 23:59
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She's an idiot for not leaving him over a gift she dislikes Outsource your relationship to Reddit so you can be alone and have more time to be an idiot on Reddit e: To be fair, while she said she won't bother him over helping with the child, it seems like she also works, and I don't feel like she comprehends how much effort and stress having a kid is. She'll definitely resent him for not helping later when she hasn't slept for 3 days, even if he always agreed not to. Blade Runner fucked around with this message at 00:02 on Aug 31, 2017 |
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Aug 30, 2017 23:59
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ArbitraryC posted:it's not really a middle ground, she gets everything she wants and he begrudgingly goes along with something he emphatically doesn't want because he's so invested in their 8 year relationship that he wants to at least try and work through it. do people not have conversations about this kind of thing? My ex had the nuva ring and encouraged me to ditch condoms if I wanted. I explicitly told her I didn't want kids, and asked if she was open an abortion if birth control failed. I thought that's what adults do, but I guess I'm a weirdo!
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Aug 30, 2017 23:59
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maskenfreiheit posted:do people not have conversations about this kind of thing? My ex had the nuva ring and encouraged me to ditch condoms if I wanted. I explicitly told her I didn't want kids, and asked if she was open an abortion if birth control failed. i'm sure they did, what with her telling him that not only is she on the pill but also that she's medically infertile, but then changing her mind when a medical miracle happened like it's not like they were drunkenly rawdogging, dude had a pretty solid expectation that there would be no children and it seems like they both handled it reasonably well with maturity
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Aug 31, 2017 00:01
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maskenfreiheit posted:do people not have conversations about this kind of thing? My ex had the nuva ring and encouraged me to ditch condoms if I wanted. I explicitly told her I didn't want kids, and asked if she was open an abortion if birth control failed. Right. But then people change their minds when a pregnancy happens.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:01
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The Ferret King posted:Right. But then people change their minds when a pregnancy happens. Sure, but it's totally understandable for him to be pissed if they had an agreement not to have kids and she ditched that when it actually did. It's also a hard situation for her, but I sincerely don't envy that dude.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:03
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The miracle baby and 'why not just adopt' discussion reminds me of a really sad tale from a family friend (that was our babysitter when my brother and I were young). The mom was suposedly infertile, don't know the precise medical condition or anything but she was told by doctors she couldn't have kids. As she/her husband still wanted kids, they adopted one son, Jason who was a couple years old by that point. Years later things were kinda mixed with jason as he was old enough to come with some baggage that affected his social development(why people are p reluctant to adopt anything other than newborns), but they still loved him of course, they had a miracle pregnancy. Along came Daniel, the child they thought they could never have, and coupled with some of the behavioral issues Jason exhibited there ended up being some pretty clear favoritism between the two. Fast forward 5 or so years (when my brother and I met them) and even to us kids it was pretty obvious the dad resented Jason and loved Daniel, but it was also hard because Daniel had some mental development disabilities (probably related to whatever reason the odds of pregnancy were low in the first place). There's no real ending beyond that, we knew them for some years and the problems/resentment grew as time went on until we eventually moved away. I guess moral of the story is maybe at least she's lucky she had this miracle baby before looking towards adoption, as that can create a really hosed up family dynamic?
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Aug 31, 2017 00:05
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maskenfreiheit posted:do people not have conversations about this kind of thing? My ex had the nuva ring and encouraged me to ditch condoms if I wanted. I explicitly told her I didn't want kids, and asked if she was open an abortion if birth control failed. Did you read the story? She specifically discussed her infertility and bc stuff with him and he was happy because he specifically didn't want kids. Their relationship was entirely founded on this premise as referenced by the fact that her last relationship ended because he wanted kids but she couldn't have them. Danny was the miracle boyfriend who made her feel whole even if she couldn't have kids, because he didn't want them, and then she just went "welp lol gently caress you". Not that I don't empathize with her predicament, to her it felt like the last shot she had to be a biomom and i don't even remotely blame her for taking it, it's just sorta sad how hard that guy got hosed despite going to such great lengths to assure he could have the life he wanted.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:08
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boner confessor posted:ultimately it is her choice and nobody else's, so you can't really blame her for making a unilateral choice when biology works that way Being a deadbeat is about as much of an "out" for an unwanted pregnancy as robbing a bank and going on the lam is an "out" for a lovely job. Guy got super unlucky and doesn't have any good options but then neither do all the folks who're gonna get run over or have heart attacks tomorrow, life is innately unfair and it sounds like the two of them have done the best they can with the hand they've been dealt.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:12
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ArbitraryC posted:Not that I don't empathize with her predicament, to her it felt like the last shot she had to be a biomom and i don't even remotely blame her for taking it, it's just sorta sad how hard that guy got hosed despite going to such great lengths to assure he could have the life he wanted. yeah, but sometimes stuff happens in life that sucks for you and you just have to deal. like he didn't get in an accident, now he's just a father and he has to grapple with that whole situation. could be a lot worse. dude is 34, so it's not like he's in the prime of his party years, and his SO is giving him plenty of time and space to process what he wants to do. hopefully he doesn't have some expensive or time consuming hobby/career to choose between and he can just enjoy being a dad A Wizard of Goatse posted:Being a deadbeat is about as much of an "out" for an unwanted pregnancy as robbing a bank and going on the lam is an "out" for a lovely job. Guy got super unlucky and doesn't have any good options but then neither do all the folks who're gonna get run over or have heart attacks tomorrow, life is innately unfair and it sounds like the two of them have done the best they can with the hand they've been dealt. it is a valid choice on the table that plenty of unwilling fathers choose. it's a lovely choice that flags you as a lovely person, as well as one which leads to feelings of guilt if you've got functioning emotions, but it's a choice that is sadly common in this situation. for all mom knows if she really leaned on dad to settle down and be a father against his will he could just bail, with or without child support boner confessor fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Aug 31, 2017 |
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Aug 31, 2017 00:13
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Sure, but it's pretty sad to have to choose between being an awful person or making your life significantly harder in a way you never wanted it to be. It's just a depressing situation where I can't really blame either person for their decisions in it, but I feel like it's going to end with a whole lot of anger, so treating it like a storybook ending or even a compromise when the woman is pretty clearly pushing a very unhappy guy into something he never wanted and is never going to want is odd.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:18
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David Heinrich posted:Sure, but it's pretty sad to have to choose between being an awful person or making your life significantly harder in a way you never wanted it to be. It's just a depressing situation where I can't really blame either person for their decisions in it, but I feel like it's going to end with a whole lot of anger, so treating it like a storybook ending or even a compromise when the woman is pretty clearly pushing a very unhappy guy into something he never wanted and if never going to want is odd. imo she'll be more resentful because she's sacrificing some stability and intimacy by letting dad partially off the hook and allowing him to be part time papa. which is kind of her but she'll regret it, as you said, during some 3am feeding we don't really know dad's perspective here, there's a very good chance he'll warm up to his new role. it depends on if he's got some other thing in his life that consumes all of his time like, i dunno, kite surfing or he owns a comic book store or something, and now he has to juggle that with fatherhood. if he's just some guy doing his thing then what else is he giving up aside from the last vestiges of his youthful freedom which is an illusion anyway?
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Aug 31, 2017 00:20
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Buzkashi posted:My [22M] girlfriend [19F] hates her birthday present and thinks I'm an egoist She should dump you because when it was brought up, you dedended by saying "whoa the gift isn't for me it's for you to wear for me." Haifisch posted:
 and don't look back. Gift giving is an act of aggression and by backing down he's showing he cannot contend with you in the arena of love.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:26
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boner confessor posted:the last vestiges of his youthful freedom which is an illusion anyway? parent spotted
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Aug 31, 2017 00:27
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boner confessor posted:yeah, but sometimes stuff happens in life that sucks for you and you just have to deal. like he didn't get in an accident, now he's just a father and he has to grapple with that whole situation. could be a lot worse. dude is 34, so it's not like he's in the prime of his party years, and his SO is giving him plenty of time and space to process what he wants to do. hopefully he doesn't have some expensive or time consuming hobby/career to choose between and he can just enjoy being a dad I hope their dynamic works out, it sounds like she was willing to be a single mom and he is willing to support her in what way he can, it's about the best compromise they as a couple can have for this fluke situation. They both sound like good people and I want to reiterate I don't have any issues with her choice, it's understandable and she was right in having the kid because she wanted to, it's just a bit unlucky for the dude is all. I think it's possible to empathize with both people here.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:29
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:Yeah he got a rough hand and he's not gonna get much sympathy over it from internet dillweeds but what ya gonna do, there's no kind of sex involving a dick and vagina that carries a 0% risk of pregnancy and dudes can't unilaterally abort, cut your nuts off and join a monastery zero sympathy for a dude in his thirties who's certain he doesn't want kids and doesn't get a vasectomy
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Aug 31, 2017 00:50
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serious times, if I was in a long-term relationship and we decided we're not having kids at all, I'd call the doctor's office right there and then to make an appointment to get the snip.
Farmer Crack-Ass fucked around with this message at 00:55 on Aug 31, 2017 |
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Aug 31, 2017 00:52
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David Heinrich posted:Sure, but it's pretty sad to have to choose between being an awful person or making your life significantly harder in a way you never wanted it to be. It's just a depressing situation where I can't really blame either person for their decisions in it, but I feel like it's going to end with a whole lot of anger, so treating it like a storybook ending or even a compromise when the woman is pretty clearly pushing a very unhappy guy into something he never wanted and is never going to want is odd. Sucks also for all the folks who wanted a family and got a poo poo-flinging retard who'll be dependent on them for the rest of their lives, but that's life and here I am, whatcha gonna do?
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Aug 31, 2017 00:55
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Farmer Crack-rear end posted:serious times, if I was in a long-term relationship and we decided we're not having kids at all, I'd call the doctor's office right there and then to make an appointment to get the snip. He thought she was infertile AND on the pill. People tend to not want to do unnecessary surgery, plus it costs money. I hope he bought a lotto ticket after he found out! 
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Aug 31, 2017 00:56
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Haifisch posted:
i think the only thing that will fix it is time, another dating concept redditors have trouble with "how can I fix this" usually means some sort of magical combo of words to make their SO stop having the wrong feels. And again - healthy relationships are about communication. One ex and I exchanged Christmas Amazon wish lists for example. We both got each other a surprise too, but a surprise should be like, a 15 dollar vegetarian crock pot book, not 300 scales.
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Aug 31, 2017 00:56
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WampaLord posted:He thought she was infertile AND on the pill. People tend to not want to do unnecessary surgery, plus it costs money. More of a quick trim than something I'd call surgery.
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Aug 31, 2017 01:18
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ArbitraryC posted:I hope their dynamic works out, it sounds like she was willing to be a single mom and he is willing to support her in what way he can, it's about the best compromise they as a couple can have for this fluke situation. They both sound like good people and I want to reiterate I don't have any issues with her choice, it's understandable and she was right in having the kid because she wanted to, it's just a bit unlucky for the dude is all. I think it's possible to empathize with both people here. yeah, i'm not blaming anyone, this story was tough because there's no clear villain/victim or winner/loser Farmer Crack-rear end posted:zero sympathy for a dude in his thirties who's certain he doesn't want kids and doesn't get a vasectomy actually this is a super good point WampaLord posted:He thought she was infertile AND on the pill. People tend to not want to do unnecessary surgery, plus it costs money. if you 100% don't want kids and you're a man, a vasectomy is the opposite of unnecessary surgery. this isn't victim blaming, his situation still sucks, but it's way easier to get sterilized if you're a man and it demonstrates your commitment to the whole "i never want kids" thing. it's harder to get your wisdom teeth out than to get the snip
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Aug 31, 2017 01:21
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Abstinence only education, until he trips and lands dick-first in a woman
Blade Runner fucked around with this message at 01:39 on Aug 31, 2017 |
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Aug 31, 2017 01:23
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I don't think "my wife is sterile and on bc to help her hormones so I should still opt for a totally elective (and not free) surgery (any of which carry risks due to anesthesia)" is a stance you can really recommend without being a victim blaming rear end in a top hat. He did basically everything reasonable and you're just gonna sound about on par with certain others advocating for kids as a penalty for sex. It's also not 100% effective so such a fluke could have still happened.
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Aug 31, 2017 01:32
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Dear reddit: I'm a real dickhead and I bought my girlfriend a real dickhead kind of gift and when she wasn't thrilled about it, I listed all the dickhead reasons it was a good gift. She's not convinced, so help me reddit, how do I convince my girlfriend that I am not a complete dickhead, while still maintaining my dickhead ways, and maybe get blown by her in that outfit because I'm actually a pedophile.
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Aug 31, 2017 01:33
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ArbitraryC posted:I don't think "my wife is sterile and on bc to help her hormones so I should still opt for a totally elective (and not free) surgery (any of which carry risks due to anesthesia)" is a stance you can really recommend without being a victim blaming rear end in a top hat. He did basically everything reasonable and you're just gonna sound about on par with certain others advocating for kids as a penalty for sex. getting a vasectomy is super reasonable behavior for anyone who absolutely does not want kids. it's not like it's some ordeal, at worst it costs a thousand bucks without insurance and you have to take it easy for a weekend. it's way easier for a man to get sterilized than for a woman, you don't even need general anasthesia - topical is fine. like i dunno where you think the testicles are located but it turns out they're real easy to get to via surgery. it's easier to endure than nearly all dental work
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Aug 31, 2017 01:35
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