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Jun 11, 2024 19:04
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Also I don't hate autistic people I just feel dumb because I keep letting them hurt me
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Sep 3, 2017 07:28
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- HerStuddMuffin
- Aug 10, 2014
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YOSPOS
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These things are rigged to pay out every X attempts. It's not so much a game of skill as a matter of letting idiots run down the counter and sweeping in at the right moment. The husband is still a gigantic baby, though.
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Sep 3, 2017 07:30
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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My wife (26/f) of less than a year is threatening to divorce me (27/m) if I hire women. (self.relationship_advice)
quote:
Let me start off by making one thing clear: for all her struggles, I adore my wife. She has given me the love story of a lifetime, and I sincerely want to spend the rest of my life with her.
We have been married for five months after dating for about a year. I run a small company and she works from home. My company has been steadily growing in size, and since we're in tech, the workplace has so far been all male.
We recently made the decision to hire a qualified female to join our team. Seeing as my wife also works in tech, I was happy to share the news early on that we had found a great female candidate. To my surprise, she not only insisted that I cease further interviews with the candidate, but also insisted that I not hire any women into the company's first ten employees.
Backstory: My wife has admitted that she experiences overwhelming, crippling jealousy over the thought of me interacting with other women. This much is not surprising: little episodes of jealousy often arise everywhere from texting female friends (not allowed anymore) to checking out at the grocery store with a female clerk. Because I so deeply love my wife, I've decided to -- for now -- tolerate and nurture her wounds rather than speak my mind over this and give her more reason to be jealous.
It's easy to see why she'd be insecure about the workplace specifically. Our company works hard; most days are 8AM-8PM. But while I was okay with putting some friendships on hold and adjusting my public behavior to soothe her jealousy, I cannot and will not deprive women of professional opportunities for personal reasons.
After concluding an interview with this candidate, my wife performed hours of domain-specific research to make the case not be hire her for a role. Tired of defending this specific candidate (instead of the dozens of men who receive no such scrutiny), I defended her resume in a heated exchange line-by-line for why she was qualified for the job.
In retrospect, many of my wife's points were valid, and she viewed this defense as belittling and condescending. Nevertheless, I moved forward with a decision to hire the candidate. Now, my wife has issued an ultimatum: hire the candidate, and she will file for divorce.
This all seems like it's out of a nightmare to me. After all, my wife was a high performing engineer in a workplace of mostly men before she left her job to work from home. She's certainly going to need to interact with male customers, investors, and employees down the road. As I see it, this can only originate from some form of anxiety or other borderline mental illness, or as a form of crisis-creation to accelerate a divorce she feels she is incapable of getting otherwise.
So here are my questions:
How do I communicate to my wife that a female hire is NOT a threat? Is that the wrong message?
Is it possible to overcome this crippling degree of jealousy? If so, how?
Should I ever give ground and NOT hire a candidate "for now" to make things better? (this seems illegal and unethical)
Given how lightheartedly she's throwing around the concept of divorce, is it possible to repair something that seems so broken this early on?
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Sep 3, 2017 14:16
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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I [17M] stole condoms from my sisters [26F] boyfriend [24M] and they're fighting. Don't know how to tell her.
quote:I did something very stupid. Last week I was over at my sisters house and I stole some condoms. I came across them when I was looking for something mum sent me to go and get. This morning my sister came over and she was talking to my sister who still lives here. They were literally talking about condoms being missing and it caused a fight. I asked Liv what they were fighting about, and she told me our sister and her BF they were both fighting over missing condoms. They both think that something is up with each other because how does a whole box go missing from their bedroom? I need to tell her. I've been sitting here for the past hour and I don't know what to say when I call her.
tl;dr: I need to tell my sister. I want to call and tell her but I don't know how
Ahahahahahahahaha, dumb teenagers.
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Sep 3, 2017 15:52
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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I [23F] feel like I am under a microscope every time my [31M] BF's [7M] son is with us
quote:
Hi Reddit,
I have been reading this sub for months now and clicking on anything that even remotely resembles the issue I am having with my boyfriend of one year but after a particularly rough day I felt like I was ready to come to you all directly for advice.
My boyfriend and I were coworkers and close friends who got together after I left the job we met at, and moved in together about 6 months into our relationship. Everything is fine when it is just the two of us, although there are some imbalances regarding who covers more bills and does more housework (me) but we are actively working on that so it's not the issue I need to address at the moment.
My boyfriend has a 7 year-old son who stays with us Thurs-Sun of every week, and is an awesome kid. He is well-mannered, sweet with my dog, helpful with chores, and very rarely poorly behaved (only when he's super tired but he's 7, so that's to be expected). I have no intention of being his second mom, but I think cultivating a good relationship with him is of the utmost importance so we go to the park together, I take him to the library, we bake together, and I read to him when we have the time. So our relationship is not the issue, at least not as far as I see it.
The problem is that whenever my boyfriend's son is with us, I feel like he's watching me like a hawk and jumps to the most negative conclusion with every interaction we have or any remark I make about his son. I understand he is protective of his child but at this point I don't understand why I am even a part of his child's life if he doesn't trust me around him or has an issue with everything I do around him.
For example, today we were watching Chopped together before dinner. My boyfriend got up to go smoke, leaving the two of us inside and his son told me he was kind of bored of the show and that he was hungry so I turned it back on to the program he had been watching and went to start dinner. My boyfriend came back in and immediately started questioning what was wrong, why weren't we still sitting together, etc. All very accusatory, which put me into a bad mood as this is pretty routine for him. I explained that his son was hungry and I was starting dinner and he goes off on this tirade about how his son wasn't demanding I cook dinner or being rude to me, just making a statement. I said I knew that (because I am familiar with children, and don't need to be reminded of his son's age every 5 minutes) and kept cooking, now put into a mood by my boyfriend's reaction.
Another time, my boyfriend's son came into our room first thing in the morning while I was naked (under the covers so he didn't see anything, I don't like sleeping with clothes in the summer) but even though my boyfriends son came in without knocking or anything, my boyfriend got mad at me and told me his son could have seen me naked like it was my fault. I asked him if simply coming in whenever he wanted was going to be the policy from here on out, because I needed to know whether I should start sleeping fully clothed in case of that happening, and my boyfriend flipped out. He yelled at his son never to come in our room again, which is definitely not what I suggested or was thinking, and made him cry and made me look like the one at fault for it.
These are just a few examples of a recurring issue. It has made me dread my boyfriend's son coming over because even though I love spending time with him, I feel like my boyfriend is just waiting for me to slip up or act improperly so he can get angry with me. We have discussed it multiple times and I have told him plainly how I feel about it, every time he promises he will get better, but there aren't any lasting changes.
Am I making this a bigger issue than it needs to be? I understand my boyfriend is anxious about the relationship I have with his son but I feel that he is sabotaging it. What can I do to help him understand this?
tl;dr: whenever my boyfriend's son stays with us, my boyfriend is hyper-critical of my interactions with him and I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells around his kid.
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Sep 3, 2017 15:55
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- DragQueenofAngmar
- Dec 29, 2009
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You shall not pass!
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your boyfriend is a fuckin weirdo and you should leave him. shame about the kid that's gonna get super hosed up tho
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Sep 3, 2017 16:15
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- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
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Exploration is ill-advised.
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(She was dressed as Mara Jade and it is them who are the fake nerds)
To be fair Mara Jade is just Black Widow with a lightsaber last I checked. Ah, the old EU.
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Sep 3, 2017 17:02
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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(She was dressed as Mara Jade and it is them who are the fake nerds)
what kind of "super fan" has not played Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi, which featured Mara Jade as an unlockable character
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Sep 3, 2017 17:06
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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The Thrawn trilogy still holds up. I defend it as the only true good product of the EU.
(Maybe the X-wing series, too)
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Sep 3, 2017 17:12
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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My [24F] boyfriend [23M] won't let me use a menstrual cup
We have been in a relationship for 3 years and have been living together the past 6 months. Things have been going great until he found my menstrual cup (that I have yet to use) and wanted to know wtf it was.
When I explained what it was for, he got freaked out and said he wasn't comfortable with it. I asked him what made him uncomfortable about it, and he said he was worried about the cup permanently stretching out my vagina and making me "loose." I told him that vaginas don't work like that but he was adamant that long term use will have a negative effect and thinks our sex life will suffer because I might get "too loose." Anyways he ended up throwing away the cup and is upset with me for being mad about it.
tl;dr: My boyfriend won't let me use a menstrual cup because he thinks it will "ruin" my vagina.
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Sep 3, 2017 17:15
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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My [24F] boyfriend [23M] won't let me use a menstrual cup
We have been in a relationship for 3 years and have been living together the past 6 months. Things have been going great until he found my menstrual cup (that I have yet to use) and wanted to know wtf it was.
When I explained what it was for, he got freaked out and said he wasn't comfortable with it. I asked him what made him uncomfortable about it, and he said he was worried about the cup permanently stretching out my vagina and making me "loose." I told him that vaginas don't work like that but he was adamant that long term use will have a negative effect and thinks our sex life will suffer because I might get "too loose." Anyways he ended up throwing away the cup and is upset with me for being mad about it.
tl;dr: My boyfriend won't let me use a menstrual cup because he thinks it will "ruin" my vagina.
classic self own
he should buy her a new one + a bell jar, and tell her he's all for it if she stores the blood in the jars. refuse to say what the jar is for but it's a "dealbreaker" if she doesn't provide the period blood.
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Sep 3, 2017 17:17
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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I've been giving my brother stress blow jobs quote:
My brother 34 and I 31 have been living together for the last year. We work together and run a business that's been quite successful. We didn't want to invest the overhead in an office space so we just made office space in my place. Eventually my brother just started living with me, cause well running a business takes a lot of time. We haven't yet mastered how to manage personal lives, and well that's contributed to why we're both single now.
So the beginning of the issue at hand.
My brother handles operations which can be very stressful, sometimes he hangs up the phone with vendors and just lets off steam and yells. Now my brother has always been quite laid back, so when the business first took off seeing this side of him scared me. I've since gotten over the shock and moreso just feel bad. I'm a "fixer" by nature and I just want everyone to be happy. Well one day we were on a conference call with a vendor who wasn't performing to our standards. My brother started to rub his temples and clinch his jaws. After the call ended I don't know what came over me, but I just got on my knees unzipped his pants and went down on him. I can't really explain why I did it. I just don't know. He didn't stop me, but after he finished he wouldn't look at me. He just sort of mumbled thank you and I ran off. I left the house and didn't do much work for two days after that. I just stayed busy out of the house.
Well eventually I had to return to my responsibilities and a few weeks later our water heater went out. My brother handles that stuff, and he couldn't get anyone to the house quickly enough to take a look. He kept saying he wanted to make sure I had hot water before he had to go out of town and he just couldn't make it happen. So again I got on my knees and blew him. This time he just kept mumbling "thank you" under his breath but he also stroked my ears. This started to be a thing.
Now my brother doesn't really fly off the handle when stressed, but I just don't like to see him upset is all. We never discussed what was happening. It was just this thing that went on.
Here's where things really get fugged up:
I don't have a lot of girlfriends but my brother has some long time guy friends that will come over, drink, and play video games. They will go late into the night when they do. But I don't mind, because when you run a business it's nice to just have fun every now and then. I do try to join in on games I'm decent at, otherwise I'll joke with them and drink along with them. This particular night we were all pretty drunk and just sort of laying around. His friend commented on how hot I was. His other friends told him to shut up out of respect for my brother.
The night sort of drifted on and that friend kept making passes but all I could think about was my brother. I went over to him and started touching his lap and he yelled "wtf are you doing?!" I was embarrassed so I stopped and his friend said "I wouldn't speak to a hot lady that way" my brother sort of shifted my body in his friend's direction. His friend was hot, and really my type so I just went with it. We made out while everyone watched. Eventually his other two friends started touching me and there you have it. I ended up sleeping with his friends. While it was going on my brother was sort of pacing the room. If a friend got too rough he'd tell him to calm down.
The next day was awful for us. I felt bad I advanced on my brother in front of his friends. I felt bad for sleeping with his friends. I just felt bad. I've been so confused. I just sat in my room and cried. Eventually my brother came in to ask if everything was okay. I told him I was sorry for advancing on him in front of his friends. He told me he was sorry for embarrassing me but he just didn't know what to do. So we talked about how I'd been going down on him. He liked it and was appreciative. He said he didn't like watching me sleep with his friends but he knows I work a lot and don't date, and I have needs. He said he was pacing because he just wanted to make sure I was okay.
We talked about what we wanted out of our arrangement and where this was going. He asked me if I had enjoyed the sex with his friends, and to be honest. I told him in truth I did. I was worried about not seeming like a lady, but I really did enjoy it. He said if I liked it, he didn't mind me doing it again and would make sure I was safe. He just wanted to make sure they treated me properly. He slept in my bed with me that night, we didn't have sex but he sort of held my vagina all night and kissed the back of my ear. It felt amazing. I just felt so safe.
A few weeks passed and another video game night. It got late again and his friends and I started having sex. My brother looked on, and honestly while I enjoyed it, I really just wanted HIM. I think maybe I was filling the void of what I wanted from HIM with them. As if they were the next best thing? He asked me if I was okay, needed water, etc but he stayed out of it. Eventually we all passed out and I got up to go lay by my brother. We spooned quietly. He naturally was the only one clothed at that point, but I could feel his erection. I unzipped his pants and started stroking him. Then I positioned myself so that he could enter me. He did, but he didn't thrust. So I sort of thrusted backwards onto him a couple times and he pushed me away, got up and went to his room.
I tried to move past it, and I sort of just decided that he didn't want to sleep with me. However I continued the stress blow jobs and he started being more affectionate. He kept mumbling thank you, but he also started calling me beautiful and positioning my head to look him in the eyes.
A couple days later after more sleeping in the same bed, vagina holding, and no penetration I just flat out asked him the deal. He said he did want to sleep with me but he felt that was truly crossing the line. I was pissed. We'd LONG crossed the line. I'd been blowing him for months, and he periodically handed me off to his friends for them to have what I truly wanted for HIM.
I told him I should move out. He said he didn't want that and asked me to give him time. He again slept in my bed that night, but this time we started to have sex. It was amazing...gentle....
But now I feel HORRIBLE. I feel like I gave him this ultimatum and made him do something he wasn't ready to do. I just feel awful. We haven't talked about it, just work stuff. I'm tired of talking about it.
Why is this so hard? Should I just let this go?
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Sep 3, 2017 17:34
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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I [28M] am attracted to my gf [22F] of 3 months' mind, but not her bodyRelationships
quote:
Hey y'all.
So I've been dating this amazing girl, Bree, for a little while and I really like her. Problem is, she just doesn't have "the goods."
She is possibly the most intelligent, open minded, and passionate girl I've met. I can tell she cares a lot about her work and she communicates calmly and effectively with me well to resolve conflicts and whatnot. She even gave me a gift of something I've been eyeing for a really long time, with just me telling her about it in passing one time.
Honestly, spelling it all out, she's great. Our personalities match and everything. She has a pretty face too.
And while our intimate life is great and she's amazing in bed, I have a problem... And that's that she simply doesn't have "assets." She's not completely devoid of them, they're just not the best. She has great hips and legs but I kinda wished she had a bigger tush. I know you can't change your chest so that's out of the question, but I've suggested squats to her.
Her response to that went kinda like this: "I used to be self conscious about that until I realized that I wanted someone who would like me for who I am and could be, not for who I'm not. If you don't like my flat behind then don't look at it  "
After that I felt pretty guilty for thinking this. I really like her and her personality and we have a good intimate life but I guess she's not the body type I prefer and it kinda bugs me sometimes. What do I do?
TL;DR - Really like this girl but she's not my physical type. Not sure if I can get over it somehow or what.
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Sep 3, 2017 17:43
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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I've been giving my brother stress blow jobs
Written with one hand.
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Sep 3, 2017 17:45
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Me [24F] with a guy [23M] I've been seeing for 3 months. I discovered that he has a confederate flag hanging on his bedroom wall.
quote:We've been seeing each other for a few months, but last night was the first time we went back to his place. We went into his bedroom and fooled around. It was dark, so I could really see it then, but when we started cleaning up, he turned on the lights and there it was.
He noticed me staring at it and explained that he brought it with him to NYC to remind him of home. He's originally from the south and moved here for law school, and he said it was a way for him to remember his southern roots and his family. I tried not to think about it again, but I don't know how comfortable I am with his explanation. I know that he has a number of friends that are minorities, so I feel pretty confident saying that he's not racist. However, he does occasionally make some comments that are a bit off. They're not really racist just a bit insensitive.
I just wonder if I should view this as a red flag and get out. I know that he views this as part of his history and heritage, but I guess it bothers me that he refuses to see how anyone could see this as a symbol of racism/oppression (we talked some about the SC flag controversy).
tl;dr: Guy I've been dating has a confederate flag on his wall to remind him of home (i.e. the south). He seems normal and not racist, but I question whether I should take this as a huge red flag and get out. top comment posted:Well it is a red flag
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Sep 3, 2017 18:55
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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How can I trust my girlfriend again  me [18/m] her (17/f) (self.relationship_advice)
quote:
(I'm just gonna give you the short version) me and her were high school friends and recently we've become really close, and we've been going out for almost 5 months
dont get me wrong here, I am madly in love with her, like crazy in love. my whole life i waited to be with someone, i hate the idea of people getting around town an stuff, so in other words she's my first and hopefully will be my only.
but she as been a little adventurous in her early teenage years if you get what I'm saying,
theres this guy that she use to have thing with and have been friends for 4 years, i remember 3 days into us dating she told me she regrets picking me over him, when ever there's something wrong she messages him, she'll tell him personal secrets of mine(yes i looked through her messages) she would wouldn't defend me if he insulted me etc
after i saw her messages on snapchat she dosen't save their conversations no more, she would message him"I love you" and say she says he's like brother to her.
she's not cheating on me and this is why i put he short version thing on top is because I've always given 150 % effort in this relationship, no mater the nasty mean things she would say about me, my fam, my foreign culture,
no mater what I've always been there for her these 5 months, even when she would try breakup with me i would always tell her we can do it.
I dont know if i can trust her no more, i love her with all my heart trust me I know I've painted a picture that makes her look bad but she's not, she's the cutest most amazing girl I've meet and i wanna be with her.
Its just I don't want that "Best Friend" of her involved with our relationship
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Sep 3, 2017 19:03
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- timefly
- Apr 29, 2008
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Overly simplistic but I feel like the answer to most of these problems is "You can't fix broken things. Don't accept broken things into your life. If it breaks throw it in the trash and try to find something that isn't broken. The broken thing isn't you fault, but it is you fault for not throwing it away, so if there is a broken thing in your life, it's you fault and you deserve it."
That's often the case, but it is generalizing. My boyfriend helped me with my anxiety after over 5 years of therapy and medication didn't do much. A therapist can't be with you in your day-to-day life, or introduce you to their friends and stuff like that.
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Sep 3, 2017 21:22
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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I'm [31M] and my [35F] GF of one year participated in a public BDSM exhibitionist event at Burning Man without talking to me about it.Relationships (self.relationships)
quote:
So my girlfriend went to BM without me. I didn't have an issue about it. She is markedly more jealous than I am, and she would admit to that more readily, so I was cool with her going. I gave no stipulations or mandates, just a "have a good time at Burning Man honey" and sent her on her way.
We've been talking over the last few months about the fantasies. I'm significantly kinkier than she is, but haven't acted on it much in the last few years because the women I've dated were a little more conservative than people I dated in my early twenties.
She expressed a desire to be more exhibitionist, and I told her I'm usually more dominant but was playing it safe so as not to make her feel unsafe. We've experimented a bit, but haven't gone down the rabbit hole of what I used to get up to.
My GF is also ferociously jealous of other women in my life. She demands a full background, status and explanation of every female I spend time with even on an irregular basis. I do not demand this level of communication from her, and pointedly suppress any feelings of jealousy I have because I hate the feeling I get when it's pointed at me, and I don't want to reinforce an emotion that feels already to prevalent in the relationship.
So on the way back from Burning Man, she tells me she participated in a BDSM suspension with two other female friends, and had a mutual male friend of ours (someone who I have a deep, deep rift with) take pictures of it while she did it in front of a crowd.
She stated it was not sexual, to which I replied, "Were you naked?"
The answer was yes, to which I replied, "If it wasn't sexual why were you naked then?"
She said she "wanted to do it for me" and "wanted [male friend] to take the pictures so [I] could see them"
I feel stunned. Because this felt like a tremendous betrayal. Though these topics came up in conversation, we made no mention of exploring them at the current time and never even came CLOSE to talking about doing them with other people, or without the other party. Then she goes off and has her first experience with out me, with people I don't like.
I do not do these things to her. If you asked her, she would agree with me. I'm patient, supportive and highly communicative. So when she pulls things like this it just feels like a dagger to the heart.
So the first part of this question is more of a sanity check:
This is hosed right? This is a tremendous violation of trust right?
I have this problem where my default mode is to empathize with the other person, but I'm currently just so overcome by anger that all my emotions are spinning out.
And the second question is, if this is really bad (I want some perspective here), what should I do about it?
My GF has a track record of doing emotionally damaging and inconsiderate things and trying to validate them in the aftermath. I feel pretty emotionally unstable here and could just use some more insight.
tl;dr: My GF went and had her first real BDSM experience at Burning Man without me, with people I don't like, and thought I would be cool with it even though we hadn't talked about it at all. What should I do?
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Sep 3, 2017 21:31
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- Admiral Ray
- May 17, 2014
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Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy
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I'm [31M] and my [35F] GF of one year participated in a public BDSM exhibitionist event at Burning Man without talking to me about it.Relationships (self.relationships)
Oh, man, you are being incredibly unreasonable here. She said it wasn't sexual, which should be obvious since you described it as a BDSM exhibitionist event. BDSM is never sexual, ever, and neither is exhibitionism. In a similar way, flirting, making out, and blowjobs in the seedy bar bathroom aren't sexual either. Chill out, keep swallowing your pride, self-respect, and notions of independence and never leave this healthy woman that engages in boundary setting and communication. You've got a one of a kind relationship that billions of people have had and absolutely don't regret.
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Sep 3, 2017 21:36
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 11, 2024 19:04
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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Oh, man, you are being incredibly unreasonable here. She said it wasn't sexual, which should be obvious since you described it as a BDSM exhibitionist event. BDSM is never sexual, ever, and neither is exhibitionism. In a similar way, flirting, making out, and blowjobs in the seedy bar bathroom aren't sexual either. Chill out, keep swallowing your pride, self-respect, and notions of independence and never leave this healthy woman that engages in boundary setting and communication. You've got a one of a kind relationship that billions of people have had and absolutely don't regret.
even if it is sexual, pretty slut shamey of op to say she can't hoist herself up to get beat like a pinata
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Sep 3, 2017 21:40
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Sep 3, 2017 07:22
Cat Army 
