/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

maskenfreiheit posted:

A mutual friend raped somebody. My girlfriend and I have very different opinions about it

the comments section has some gems:

It's me, the woman is siding with the guy who forced himself on a super drunk girl who has a restraining order on him... :chloe:

# ? Sep 7, 2017 22:38

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 09:07

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Me [19F] with my boyfriend [20M], together three years. His best friend [22M] keeps making rape jokes around/about me even though they're both aware I was brutally sexually assaulted as a teenager. I kind of hosed up, though, in how I reacted to it. Help?Personal issues

quote:

I'm really sorry that there's a similar post like this currently on the front page on r/relationships, but the part where I hosed up just happened an hour ago. Sorry if I don't make much sense at certain parts, I've had a few glasses of wine and everything just feels really...fresh. My SO is Ricky and his best friend is Sam. My SO and I have been together for three years and have lived together for almost a year. Our relationship is generally really great, but I suppose everyone says that. Our sex life is good, we rarely argue, and we have really good communication, about this one topic, but I almost feel like that's kind of my fault.

When I was fifteen, I grew up in an abusive household. My older brother who was 21 at the time, was always kind of a sexist piece of poo poo and had little regard for women, and he got that opinion from my father. Needless to say, my self esteem was really lovely. One night parents were out and I was sleeping in my room (I'm a heavy sleeper). I'm still really lovely at talking about it, but basically my brother beat the poo poo out of me and raped me. He was really drunk, and I know that's no excuse, but I always blamed myself. I never told anyone until I told my BF a month after we became official. He was really understanding, and he never ever treated me like I was damaged goods like I thought. It really hosed me up growing up, and I drank a lot and did a lot of drugs. I still drink a lot (like right now), but I've gone no contact with my entire family, I'm in school, and I have a good job, and a very loving relationship. More or less, I've mostly gotten my poo poo together.

Now onto the actual issue. My BF has known Sam since he was 5. They're friends who really just get stoned together a lot. Sam has a very vulgar sense of humor, and I told him freely about a year into knowing him what happened to me a little, so to please not make rape jokes around me. Things were fine for the first 2.5 years of mine and my BF's relationship.

But recently, Sam did a lot of things to piss me off that basically just boiled down to him not respecting my things (he damaged my car and doesn't respect my space in mine and my bf's apartment, damaging things there too). I've been willingly hanging out with Sam a lot less because of these things and I no longer offer to buy him food or anything if we're all stoned together. I'm a lot less generous with him. He's been a passive aggressive rear end in a top hat because he acts like he's entitled to me buying him things just because I used to when he actually acted like he respected me and my things.

So certain incidences. We were all stoned last week and we were just chilling in Sam's car, listening to music and having a cigarette (bad for me, I know sorry) Sam asked me for a bum. I told him no because I've only got a few left and I didn't want to go to the store. He got pissy and snapped at me. I shrugged it off and said he wasn't entitled to my things. A couple of minutes later he started playing some stupid loving rap song where the beginning is this girl hitchhiking and she gets a ride from someone and he ends up tying her up and she starts shrieking..and screaming at him to get away from her and it just really gave me bad flashbacks and I had a panic attack. I started pretty much sobbing and Sam thought it was funny. My BF yelled at him and we went back to our apartment. Sam just laughed at my BF. I told my BF I'm not going to spend time with Sam anymore. If he wants to be his friend, that's fine, but don't bring him around our apartment or let him in my car that by BF uses. My BF agreed. He apologized and said Sam was just being petty, I tried to get over it.

Also Sam has a sort of popular facebook page and tries to post "edgy" topics to troll people (which is a pretty loving weak attempt at it, but whatever he's annoying like that). He recently started sending me links about posts he'll make in order to spark a debate by saying poo poo like women deserve to be raped, or they were asking for it, and all of this other bullshit. I told him to stop contacting me. My BF didn't say anything to him.

Now where I hosed up. A couple of hours ago, I got home from babysitting my best friend's daughter and Sam and my BF were in the apartment. I worked ten hours today and also babysat for three. I didn't want to deal with Sam. I told Sam nicely to please leave the apartment and I wasn't comfortable with having him around here. He got really offended and went on a tirade about how "ricky invited me and i think you just need to chill out about the jokes. i wasn't being serious. it happened almost five years ago anyway and you can't act offended at everything." My BF didn't say anything. I looked at him and said, "You're not going to say anything? Are you loving kidding me?" My BF just told me that maybe it is time to get over it.

I lost my poo poo. I told Sam he was a piece of poo poo and I told him if he ever stepped foot in my apartment again, that I would call the police for trespassing and get him thrown in prison for being a big time dealer (by my town's standards). I also threw my BF out of our apartment and told him to go spend the night somewhere else and that's he's now single and I hope Sam makes him very happy. He tried to beg me to talk this through, but I just said he had so many chances and screamed at him to get out. I hosed up, I know. I was seeing red.

Now I'm crying into my wine and petting my cat and I turned off my phone and haven't checked it. I'm scared to. Where do I go from here? Are they right that I really should be over something that basically destroyed me as a person? Should I beg my BF for forgiveness or stand by my decision? I'm so torn.

TL;DR BF's friend is mad at me so he makes rape jokes around me to bug me. he made basically told me i should be over when i was sexually assaulted as a teenager. i threw him out of my apartment. BF has stayed uninvolved in these issues and I lost it on him and dumped him and told him to leave our apartment for the night.

EDIT: Holy poo poo, I didn't expect this to blow up. I'm so overwhelmed by all of the supportive comments and PMs. I'll update when I can. Thank you all so much.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 23:05

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

maskenfreiheit posted:

Me [19F] with my boyfriend [20M], together three years. His best friend [22M] keeps making rape jokes around/about me even though they're both aware I was brutally sexually assaulted as a teenager. I kind of hosed up, though, in how I reacted to it. Help?Personal issues

Answer your boyfriend's texts by telling him you've been broken up for like 5 hours it's time to get over it.

Oh then murder Sam. And your boyfriend.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 23:42

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

All bolding OP's, for the authentic experience:
My brother's (38 m) conspiracy theories are destroying life for him and his family

quote:

Hi r/Relationships,

My family is in a difficult situation. I (29 m) have a brother (38 m white) who seemed normal growing up but has essentially gone off his rocker. And I would say the central cause is a vast array of conspiracy theories he believes and acts upon. His paranoia has been apparent before but worsened to the point where he's now completely destroying his and his family's lives. I don't know what to do...

Here's the problem: He has become gravely ill because he won't ditch alternative medicine for a real doctor. He's been having some digestion problems over the last 6 months, and tries to solve it with extreme diet, alternative medicine (homeopathy, naturopaths, acupuncture etc.), which isn't working. He now looks like a prisoner of war. He has lost 30 lbs, bedridden, barely eats and drinks, can hardly walk, has trouble swallowing. He's a threat to himself. This is where the conspiracy comes in... he won't try conventional medicine, despite the desperate and emotional pleas from my family, because it is a scam and he already knows he has Mercury Poisoning, which should be treated by alternative medicine to expel the toxins in the body.

What's more, his conspiracies coupled with his grave medical condition have terribly affected his common-law wife, and 2 girls (13 and 9). They live in a small one room Yurt on his farm deep in the south. Of course his children aren't vaccinated (cause metal poisoning) and don't go to school (filled with gov't propaganda). His wife is brainwashed by his views and so overloaded tending the farm and kids, caretaking for my nearly-terminal brother, and accommodating all of his requests that she doesn't homeschool the kids, let alone provide a good emotional environment and attention on them. The kids are distraught seeing their father wither away in front of them.

All of this is based on my bro's distorted thinking, especially in health & wellness. He won't acknowledge his condition is severe and worsened. His mind is filled with conspiracies: processed food is toxic (can't eat vegetable oils), moon landing was faked, JFK & Bob Marley assassinated by the CIA, 9/11 was a false flag, etc. Some conspiracies are harmless, but he takes action on his notions. He recently has been eating raw eggs and raw Veal because these supposedly natural foods are better for his stomach. This thinking started at least 10 years ago when he moved his entire family from their home of 2 years because of a mosquito spraying program (think it was for West Nile) was going to be toxic to his family.

My family called mental and adult protection services today in hopes of forcing him to go to the ER, but they can't do anything because his mental / physical faculties--though clearly terrible--aren't bad enough to give the state a mandate to require him to get medical treatment. He's just not bad enough apparently.

We tried to reason, plead, beg, bargain with him to go to a clinic but to no avail, he is so stubborn and will not be convinced. I now accept his sad, crazy condition. My family wants him to get medical treatment, but I guess my thought is, even if he does get medical treatment, what hope is there for some semblance of a good lifestyle for him and his family??

I guess my question has two parts:

1) How do I adjust my view of my older brother? I used to look up to him, he was smart and capable. Now I see him as loony. His lifestyle has become so distasteful from his conspiracies. Yet when we're not talking about health / some batshit crazy theory he seems his old self.

2) What is the best situation for him and his family? Perhaps it'd be better for his wife & kids to leave him and for him to go to a psych ward, but maybe that'd ruin him forever. Maybe the family should stay together until the girls graduate. I'm really not sure what is best for all of them, but worry that advocating for status quo isn't right either.

Many many thanks for all who considered this and might have some advice!!!

TL;DR: My brother has fallen off the deep end with conspiracy theories especially around health. He is essentially starving himself but refuses medical treatment and is in critical condition. Seeking advice on the right approach for him and his family.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 23:56

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Haifisch posted:

All bolding OP's, for the authentic experience:
My brother's (38 m) conspiracy theories are destroying life for him and his family

dude is definitely crazy but psychology as of yet can't determine exactly how pervasive belief in conspiracy theories is a disorder so congrats on getting to watch your young nieces have their lives ruined before they are adults by extremely incapable parenting. hopefully they'll realize their parents are bad once their father dies of stupidity

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:01

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

My (19f) brother (24m) tried to sexually assault me

quote:

First off, let me say that my relationship with my brother is not a normal one. When we were both living at home, he was always very sexually open about everything. He would often tell me in great detail about his sex life. I find this very uncomfortable, but I put up with it, trying to be a good sister. When I was younger (13ish) he was really touchy with me. He was always rubbing my leg, grabbing my butt, rubbing my stomach, etc. It never turned to more than this but I have caught him sneaking through my underwear drawer before. He moved out when I turned 14 and I never really saw much of him, I guess he had his own life and forgot about me. So that's the back-story about him.

Currently I am in the process of moving into an apartment with one of my friends to attend college. I asked my brother if he would help me move some things since he has a large truck. He excitedly agreed and told me we would make a day of it by going out to dinner and a movie after.

So things get moved and we go out to dinner. I catch him trying to rub his foot up and down my leg. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't really say anything to him because I guess I am just used to him doing things like this. Later we went to a movie and after it was over we got in his truck for him to take me home. Instead of taking me home we went to the local park. By this time it was around 11pm. I asked him what we were doing and he said he was meeting a friend to pick up some weed. Ok, so we wait and wait and no one ever shows up. I ask him if we can go home since I was tired and wanted to go to bed.

This is when he put his hand on my leg and tried to rub my crotch. I grabbed his hand off and asked him what the gently caress he was doing. He told me I've been wanting this for a long time and not to pretend I didn't. I screamed at him to take me home. He locked the doors and since it was so dark and I had never been in his truck, when I tried to get out I couldn't find the lock or handle. He grabbed my hair and jerked my head down to his lap. He unzipped his pants and told me to suck him off. I punched him between the legs and clawed at the door trying to get out. I finally managed to get the door open and ran as fast as I could to get away. I had a friend that lives near the park so I ran to her house.

I haven't seen my brother since and no one can get in contact with him. I don't know what I should do. I don't want to call the police and get him in trouble. He has a nice wife and a baby on the way. I don't want to break up their family. I don't know if I should tell my parents or what. I am still shaking from this and my mind is filled with so many things. I need some advice on what I should do?

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:08

Eezee: Apr 3, 2011; My double chin turned out to be a huge cyst

Haifisch posted:

All bolding OP's, for the authentic experience:
My brother's (38 m) conspiracy theories are destroying life for him and his family

[...]I guess my thought is, even if he does get medical treatment, what hope is there for some semblance of a good lifestyle for him and his family??[...]

They live in a yurt. That ship has sailed long ago.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:12

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Haifisch posted:

All bolding OP's, for the authentic experience:
My brother's (38 m) conspiracy theories are destroying life for him and his family

Jesus, can't the family at least petition the state for custody of the children before they're irreparably harmed?

And wasn't this a movie with Aragorn just recently?

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:21

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

It will be good when this person dies, least maybe the other 3 can function after that.

And then kill that brother

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:24

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Proteus Jones posted:

Jesus, can't the family at least petition the state for custody of the children before they're irreparably harmed?

OP posted:

We called two existing crisis services to stop in and do wellness checks, adult protective services and a mental crisis line. They both didn't do anything.

We're worried about contacting CPS. That impacts 4 lives instead of 1. Does that make everyone's condition better? Let's see:

*The girls could very well be ripped out of their homes due to educational neglect. They would live in foster home for some period of time, away from everything they know--home, horses, and mom and dad. Do their lives get better or do they become even more confused about life, anti-gov't, and rebel against everything that's good for them. They'd probably become anti-every other family member because they're so angry.

*The mom would be so distraught she might leave my bro... or stay because she has nowhere else to turn. We'd lose contact with her.

*My bro's behavior wouldn't change, pretty sure he would continue to eat unhealthy. On top of that, he would probably find out we called and likely cut off contact with us, which is still our only avenue to help him.

So we thought about it and it seems to make everyone's life worse, especially the girls. So we didn't think this would be the right thing.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:27

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

kill the dad and mom, rescue the kids. bing bang zoom simple.

they live in a yurt in the deep american south, youve got like 20 to 30 years before the cops get around to digging up the bodies.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:35

Propaganda Hour: Aug 25, 2008; after editing wikipedia as a joke for 16 years, i ve convinced myself that homer simpson's japanese name translates to the "The beer goblin"

maskenfreiheit posted:

A mutual friend raped somebody. My girlfriend and I have very different opinions about it

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:37

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

I [29m] sided with my parents in asking my wife's sister [26f] to not swear at our home, she has become angry and accused me of being a sexist and a chauvinist.

quote:

I'm 29, male, and have been married to my wife who is also 29 for four years. We have two young children. My sister in law, her sister, is 26.

Last week, my wife and I were hosting a dinner at our home. It was a lovely gathering, both my parents, and my wife's sister were present.

For the most part, my parents love my wife and they get along amicably. Her sister is a bit more rambunctious, shall we say, and at times I wonder if she's grown out of the college mentality. She's mostly a lovely girl for the most part, and she always delights us with her funny stories.

Well, last night at dinner, she said the F word twice, and the first time my parents gave each other an "oh dear" look, and the second time, they asked her to be polite and not swear. She was taken a bit aback by this, and tried to excuse it off, making it seem like they were overreacting, kind of like "jeez okay".

I said to her, "there's no need for that, you're at our home, I would agree with my parents and ask that you remain respectful." I tried to say it as politely and smiling as I can, but she clearly didn't take it well.

My parents are pretty Catholic, I'm Catholic too, my wife was sort of a lapsed Catholic but has become more religious like me since we became in a relationship, and her sister is adamantly atheist. [EDIT: PLEASE NOTE, I DON'T THINK THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING AN ATHEIST NOR DO I BELIEVE THAT THIS IS THE REASON WHY SHE USED THE F-WORD. I AM MERELY HIGHLIGHTING IT BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT ILLUSTRATES SOME OF THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HER AND US. I RESPECT PEOPLE OF ALL BELIEFS.] We respect each others beliefs but you can tell from the get go that there is a fundamental different in attitudes.

A few days later, my sister-in-law tells me she's been thinking about what I said, and says she feels it was uncalled for on my part. She told me that I shouldn't have overreacted like that, and treated her like a child. I told her that it was not too big of an ask to ask she remain respectful at our family home. She then told me that I'm a hypocrite because she's heard me use the F word at least once, and I was being condescending and sexist because I asked her to not use it.

I told her there was no way it could be construed as sexist, and she told me that I wouldn't have had such expectations of a male, but because she's a woman, that I expect her to be more quiet and passive, and that chauvinistic men don't like to see women be loud or stand up for themselves.

At this point I told her she was again crossing some boundaries, and if she preferred, she would be just as welcome to not attend any future dinner gatherings at our home. I may have been a bit harsh, because now there's kind of a rift between us and we haven't spoken.

My wife has not really said much in all of this, I've told her about it, I think she tacitly agrees with me but I think she doesn't want to get involved in any conflict between our family and her sister. She thinks my sister in law is being ridiculous in her accusations, but she never spoke up about her disapproval of using the F-word in our home, nor did she show any sign of disapproving my parents rebuking her. She kind of just ignored the whole thing.

I'm not sure what to make of this, I don't think its too big of an ask for either me or my parents to ask that my sister-in-law use polite language in our home during a quiet even, especially in front of my parents. I don't think its comparable to a swear word flying out of my mouth here and there when we're outside of the home and not in the presence of my parents. I think context is even more important. I'd never swear in front of my parents.

I think she's being even more ridiculous in trying to turn this back on us for merely asking her to be polite and then accusing me of being sexist, which I hugely object to. I am starting to seriously wonder if there is a fundamental difference in values between myself and my sister-in-law and it might be better just to not invite her into our home until she learns to grow up, mature, and act her age.

tl;dr: Sister-in-law used F word during dinner at our family home, parents rebuked her, asked her to be polite, I agreed, she got offended, called me sexist. My question is I am wondering if I am at fault here and would like advice on how best to address the situation and proceed from here so I can have an amicable future events.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:40

The_end: May 17, 2014

maskenfreiheit posted:

I [29m] sided with my parents in asking my wife's sister [26f] to not swear at our home, she has become angry and accused me of being a sexist and a chauvinist.

It is just a word. Get over it.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 00:54

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

maskenfreiheit posted:

I [29m] sided with my parents in asking my wife's sister [26f] to not swear at our home, she has become angry and accused me of being a sexist and a chauvinist.

*stares at keyboard while sweating bullets*

'She said f....fu...f*...the F word.'

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:04

Kite Pride Worldwide: Apr 20, 2009

Haifisch posted:

All bolding OP's, for the authentic experience:
My brother's (38 m) conspiracy theories are destroying life for him and his family

That reminds me, what's the name of the mental condition where you obsessively draw false correlations and conspiracies? Like 100% off the rocker "I legitimately believe this piece of toast is a sign from god" paranoia/obsession.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:34

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I Was The Fury posted:

Answer your boyfriend's texts by telling him you've been broken up for like 5 hours it's time to get over it.

Oh then murder Sam. And your boyfriend.

all these things

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

maskenfreiheit posted:

My (19f) brother (24m) tried to sexually assault me

Maybe we should try to find stories a little more funny than this.

Also, simple fact, kill your brother.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:36

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My wife ( F 22 ) is trying to teach me ( M 24) a lesson we where married for 4 years now.

quote:

My wife ( F 22 ) is trying to teach me ( M 24) a lesson we where married for 4 years now.

During our marriage money was always short since we were always both in college and my family was helping pay basic expenses.

We finally are at a place where we are both working, since she is between undergrad and grad. School she get a basic job. We split the bills that I pay for all expenses and she just pays for her own things like Dr visits (she likes to go to get acupuncture) that aren�t covered by insurance, gas to get to work (I still pay for the car and insurance).

I little while ago she ended up spending 3000 on expenses that where above and beyond on means (this was for leisure) and said she will end up paying it off when she was working. I keep telling her to pay more money on her debt instead of making the minimum payment and spending so much of it on herself.

I few weeks ago she went shopping and got $50 worth of cloths, something I don�t mind since this is her hard earned money. I also got a new computer part, also about $50 and told her about it. She freaked out and told me to return it since we are saving money in order to move. I told her calmly what is the difference between the $50 I spent vs. hers, I offered for both of us to return everything and save all the money. She was then telling me how she is trying to teach me a lesson where I made her return things when we simply did not have the money in the past.

Our 5 year anniversary is coming up since I have a good credit score I am opening up credit cards that give me points up front and in addition to the points I already have I am planning to get free airfare & hotel and stay for 5 days cross country. I want to spend ~500 on the entire trip (food, ect). When I told her my plan she yelled at me and when I said OK we don�t have to go. She told me again, how does it feel to be in her shoes, but she doesn�t understand that when I told her we can�t go we really didn�t have the money.

How do I get her to stop? I think what she is doing is childish. Did I do something wrong? I know we got married young.

TL;DR: My wife is trying to turn the tables with finances on me but before we didn�t have the money and now we do.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:41

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Haifisch posted:

My wife ( F 22 ) is trying to teach me ( M 24) a lesson we where married for 4 years now.

$50? on cloths? who needs so many cloths.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:43

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

maskenfreiheit posted:

I [29m] sided with my parents in asking my wife's sister [26f] to not swear at our home, she has become angry and accused me of being a sexist and a chauvinist.

I said to her, "there's no need for that, you're at our home, I would agree with my parents and ask that you remain respectful." I tried to say it as politely and smiling as I can, but she clearly didn't take it well.

This is some condescending poo poo right up there with saying to someone 'Friendly reminder' or 'Bless your heart'. If you can't see how that would be insulting, especially after being asked already, you're a piece of poo poo.

Kite Pride Worldwide posted:

That reminds me, what's the name of the mental condition where you obsessively draw false correlations and conspiracies? Like 100% off the rocker "I legitimately believe this piece of toast is a sign from god" paranoia/obsession.

Faith

Haifisch posted:

My wife ( F 22 ) is trying to teach me ( M 24) a lesson we where married for 4 years now.

His wife is really loving petty and he needs to go back to school.

Outrail fucked around with this message at 01:47 on Sep 8, 2017

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:45

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Kite Pride Worldwide posted:

That reminds me, what's the name of the mental condition where you obsessively draw false correlations and conspiracies? Like 100% off the rocker "I legitimately believe this piece of toast is a sign from god" paranoia/obsession.

focus testing

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:46

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Kite Pride Worldwide posted:

That reminds me, what's the name of the mental condition where you obsessively draw false correlations and conspiracies? Like 100% off the rocker "I legitimately believe this piece of toast is a sign from god" paranoia/obsession.

grant writer

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:47

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Kite Pride Worldwide posted:

That reminds me, what's the name of the mental condition where you obsessively draw false correlations and conspiracies? Like 100% off the rocker "I legitimately believe this piece of toast is a sign from god" paranoia/obsession.

urban smurf

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:50

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Pick are you having a stroke?

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:53

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Outrail posted:

Pick are you having a stroke?

i wish.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:54

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Pick posted:

i wish.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:56

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Haifisch posted:

My wife ( F 22 ) is trying to teach me ( M 24) a lesson we where married for 4 years now.

Whenever you figure it out, let us know why you married this lady.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 01:58

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

They got married at 18 & 20, respectively.

I don't think they thought too hard about it beyond 'this must be true love forever!'.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:02

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

maskenfreiheit posted:

My (19f) brother (24m) tried to sexually assault me

He has a nice wife holy gently caress lady you don't want to ruin their family he's a loving rapist

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:11

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Am I [21F] over-sensitive, or is my bf [22M] some kind of pedophile?

quote:

I started dating this guy for almost 3 years. There have been ups and downs, but I can still say that we have a perfectly healthy and normal relationship. He's witty, fun and understanding; he's almost my first everything.

Since I am a very private person that gets very annoyed when someone touches my phone and my emails, I respect my bf's life and never really looked into his privacy. However, yesterday, when he was in the bathroom, I suddenly wanted to look for some of our photos in his phone, and started to browse his phone gallery. The newest photo was a photo of a lovely little girl (8 or 9 years old at most), in a lovely dress and flower crown. I had an "aww" feeling, especially when he has never showed any interest in neither marriage nor kids) and continued to browse the gallery. Now weird things happened: I found a lot of photos (around 30-40) of little girls (around 8 or 9 years old), in between normal photos, in this kind of style, all look lovely, innocent and angelic. They're not the kind of sick, sexual photos that pedophiles; they're the kind of photos that people would use for their wallpapers. It's totally understandable that there is 1 or 2 of them in his phone, but for 30-40, is it concerning?

tl;dr: I found a lot (30-40) photos of lovely little girls in my bf's phone. Is it concerning?

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:20

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Men are rapists, and pedophiles. r/relationships has made that abundantly clear.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:22

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

My [27F] parents [57M and 60F] let my uncle [50sM], who sexually assaulted me at 15, live with them and didn't tell me until after I bought a plane ticket to go see them.

quote:

My uncle molested me for 6 months when I was 15, when he tried to rape me unsuccessfully for the umpteenth time, I had finally had enough and reported him and he went to prison for 3 years. I moved to another state in 2010 to get away from my parents. My father was very abusive growing up, and as soon as I had an out, I left home and never went back.

My relationship with my parents improved over the 6 years I've been gone. I decided this year that I would go back to see them because it's been so long. I bought the ticket. We had discussed the possibility of me visiting them in December, and, finally having enough money to see them, I decided to buy the ticket.

I call them up really happy and excited to finally see my family (parents, grandmother, sister, cousins, etc), and my dad tells me, "oh, by the way, I let my brother live with us." I asked which one, afraid of the answer, and sure enough, they've let my sexual predator of an uncle live with them.

I'm so devastated and feel absolutely betrayed. I don't know what to do. I can't believe this is happening.

They tell me it's because he's a born again Christian and has changed his ways, but this guy just got out of prison this month after spending 2 years there for possession of drugs and attacking someone with a knife. He got out for good behavior. My parents are super religious, and they're big believers in forgiveness, but this... This is too much.

I know know know it's because he's paying them money to live with them. My parents are both on disability, but live beyond their means and are addicted to prescription opioids. They used to steal from me and my sister and threaten to throw us out if we didn't give them money. They'll pretend to be in more pain than they are, and get even more drugs than they need, and then sell the excess to support their extravagant lifestyle.

I'm mad that they haven't changed since I left, and they misled me into thinking they had, and that I believed them. I'm devastated that they would let someone who hurt me so badly live with them. I tried to kill myself 3 months later at 15 because of all the pain and because of the way my family treated me afterwards. I just can't even deal right now.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:44

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

maskenfreiheit posted:

My [27F] parents [57M and 60F] let my uncle [50sM], who sexually assaulted me at 15, live with them and didn't tell me until after I bought a plane ticket to go see them.

find chinese carfentanil manufacturer. you can figure it out from there.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:46

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Strap in for a rollercoaster ride.

My [36/F] husband [39/M] is seriously ill, and I'm still kind of in love with best friend from high school [36/M]

quote:

Brad and I were best friends in the 10th grade. We talked on the phone for 6+ hours every day. My parents had to put in a second phone line because no one else could ever get through, and I wouldn't answer call waiting (my parents are freaking saints). We flirted a lot and dropped hints to each other, but neither one of us had the balls to do anything. Then one day I called him and he told me CPS found out his mom was in jail and that he had been living alone. They were sending him to his dad's in Florida the next day. I never got to say goodbye.

We kept in touch for a little while, and I cut him off when I started dating a really abusive a-hole. I found him again when I was 23 and married to my first husband, and we reconnected. When I got divorced a year later, he was there for me. We started talking again every day. We still lived thousands of miles apart. The nature of the relationship turned sexual. Photos were exchanged. Phone sex was had. I planned to visit him when my daughter [then 5] went to her dad's. But I started dating someone local and cancelled the trip.

I have kept in touch with Brad since then, just as friends. There was another almost visit that never happened after I broke up with rebound boyfriend, and before I started dating my current husband.

I have seen him a couple of times since my husband and I started dating. My work now takes me to where Brad lives once a year or so. Truth be told, I volunteer and push hard for those trips when they come up. I am going again mid November. Every time I have seen him it's been fun. Nothing untoward happened other than prolonged hugs and a kiss on the cheek. Even when we'd been drinking/smoking weed. Seeing him feels very comfortable.

My husband and I will have been married for three years this fall. Less than a year into our marriage he got very sick and was hospitalized. We found out at that time he was very seriously ill and would need an organ transplant within the next few years. I am currently getting tested to see if I can be a donor, and while there is still one test left, it's looking very positive that I will be able to donate via a paired exchange. It will likely be at least a year or two before a match is found.

When my husband got sick, he changed. A lot. He has completely lost his sex drive as well as his physical ability to get an erection. We have tried every non-invasive treatment with no luck. We are looking at him possibly getting a penile implant, but there are a lot of balls in the air on that one, so it may not happen. He has also become a very negative, sarcastic, and angry person. We have ok days, but no really good days. I'm finding myself liking him less and less. But I still love him and I would want him to have my kidney even if we were not going to stay together. I know he would never accept it if we split up. There is a small part of me that hopes that he will feel better once he's gotten a transplant and that he will be more like the person he was when I met him. There is also the fact that splitting up would impact both of us very negatively in a financial way.

I am in counseling by myself. We did marriage counseling, but most things never got better and I gave up because it felt like poo poo kept getting stirred but never smoothed over. I take care of myself as much as I can. I get massage and acupuncture regularly. Go shopping. Go to lunch with friends. My self care game is strong. If anything I spend too much money on it, but it only helps so much. I feel lonely and unloved by my husband, but I took a vow for in sickness and in health. And I know that who he is right now is because of the sickness.

I also know that Brad and I would never be good together. I knew it all along, and that's why I never pushed for more when both of us were single. If we were in a serious relationship I would start hating him pretty quickly. But despite that, I still have this smoldering flame for him after 20 years, and I don't think it will ever go away. Even when we went for 6 years with no contact, it never went away. It just burned hotter.

I feel like I am doing the right thing by staying with my husband until he has had his transplant at least. I feel like being with Brad would be the wrong thing for me, as well as for my kid because she needs stability and she likes my husband. But I have tried like hell to make my heart forget him, and it won't.

tl;dr: Husband needs kidney transplant, I will likely be donating. Husband has lost sex drive and is a miserable person since getting sick. Still in love with best friend after 20 years, even though I know he is all wrong for me. Feeling conflicted.

quote:

Edit: Someone below said I should copy and paste this reply into the OP so I am.

Ok, here is a dose of reality for you. Sometimes when a person gets seriously ill they keep up good spirits, stay optimistic, and go on living their life. And sometimes they react by doing their damndest to push away everyone who loves them. Sometimes they react by turning into the meanest nastiest person imaginable.

You have it backwards. My husband is not being a dick to me because I have checked out of the marriage and he can tell. That light switch got flipped the moment he found out his organs were failing. But I still haven't checked out. Even though he has told me that I am "past my expiration point" and that no one else would even want me. Even when he says that he could probably find a hotter wife than me at this point if he really wanted to. Even though before I started getting tested he said that my kidneys were no good anyway, that I had probably ruined them. When it turned out that not only am I perfectly healthy but have higher kidney function than average he started saying that he hopes I won't be able to donate because he doesn't want to listen to me whine about being in pain. Oh yeah, and anytime I ask him to do anything I am either "whining" or "nagging." And God forbid I remind him to do something a second time three days later, because he will then yell at me that if I say anything about it again he will never do it ("It" usually being taking care of his pets in some capacity). If my daughter compliments me on dinner he will scoff and say, "it's not THAT good." And if we are walking somewhere and I make a wrong turn I am a stupid pathetic woman who can't do anything right and I will probably find some way to blame my incompetence on him, and he is never EVER going to walk anywhere with me again. That is just an appetizer of the barrage of verbal abuse I put up with on a daily basis. I have all but checked out because he makes me feel about three inches tall. Because I am constantly bracing myself for the next hurtful thing he is going to fling at me. I am trying like hell to hold this together, but I am tired of being the whipping boy.

quote:

I need to keep this brief because I'm at work, but believe me when I say I have given this a lot of thought and run a lot of numbers. There is no way for us to live apart without financially devastating both of us. My daughter has been having pretty severe mental health problems for most of her life, but I just found out a few months ago, and her treatment is VERY expensive. My husband is somewhat of a higher up in a health insurance company, and I am self employed with a decent but variable income. Despite my husband's place of employment, our out of pocket medical expenses are nut-crunchingly high in the first place, but the fact that we have a family deductible and out of pocket max keeps it from bankrupting us both.

There are other factors as well with regards to our friends and family. I have a lot to lose right now if this relationship can't be nursed along.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:47

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Haifisch posted:

Strap in for a rollercoaster ride.

My [36/F] husband [39/M] is seriously ill, and I'm still kind of in love with best friend from high school [36/M]

i'll take him probably apparently

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:52

Bamabalacha: Sep 18, 2006; Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!

Pick posted:

grant writer

My mom is a grant writer and she spins the most outlandish applications known to man while being a chill and down to earth lady!

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:53

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

My dad (36M) won't get me (14F) a bra, and I need one...Non-Romantic

quote:

My mom got breast cancer and died when I was a year old, I don't remember her. My father moved across the country immediately after that and we've moved around a few times since. I don't have any other family, and my dad hasn't had any girlfriends or anything that I know of.

My dad doesn't really get girl stuff. I got my period when I was 9 and he didn't believe me, he thought I was too young. I didn't want to show him underwear with blood on it so for a few years I put toilet paper in my pants. He got me pads and stuff when I turned 12. He doesn't really buy me girly clothes either, and I have super tangled curly hair but I use his shampoo, so my hair is always frizzy. I kinda look like a boy and boys have called me names before. It kinda sucks, but my dad means well. We don't have the money for all new clothes anyway.

I'm a freshman in high school so now we dress out for PE. Girls started staring at me in the locker rooms because, well, I developed early too. I used to just wear tank tops but now it's kinda gotten past that point. Now I've been wearing my gym clothes under my normal clothes but it gets really warm that way. I asked him if we could go bra shopping and he said I was too young.

I don't have any women in my life to ask. I'm new to this school so teachers don't know me either. Is there a way I can hide my boobs better? Is there a way I can talk to my dad?

tl;dr: Dad won't buy me a bra because he says I'm too young, but I need one.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:56

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

That's past 'dad doesn't really get girl stuff' and into 'dad is an idiot moron'. Especially with the update.

UPDATE: My dad (36M) won't get me (14F) a bra and I need one

quote:

I tried talking to my dad one more time and he was still not willing to listen. He even got kind of irritated this time and told me to worry about my studies and less about boys (I didn't even mention boys).

I thought about asking the school nurse but she's honestly intimidating so I asked my math teacher after class. She was really, really nice about it. I trusted her so much that I told her everything about my dad and my dead mom and how lonely I felt, and she was really helpful. She said her dad was in the military and she understood moving around a lot. She told me to stay after school today and she took me to Target. Before we left she gave me a tape measure and told me how to measure myself for a bra so I did that in the bathroom (turns out I'm a 32D).

She bought me bras, curly hair shampoo/conditioner, and a book on puberty and stuff. She asked if I wanted feminine clothes too but I said no thank you, she was already so generous.

My dad saw the stuff and he got really mad at me. I told him my teacher bought it and he said I shouldn't be blabbing to strangers and accepting their money. I thought he was going to take my stuff away but he just sort of gave up and went outside to smoke.

So, I have bras now, but my dad's still really upset with me. I haven't been able to sleep much tonight. He's never yelled at me before and I feel awful.

tl;dr: Nice math teacher bought me bras and other items, dad got mad about it and is still mad

# ? Sep 8, 2017 02:59

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 09:07

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

I [18M] said something stupid to my sister [20F] cause I didn't even know what it meant. She showed our friends, and now they all won't stop making fun of me for it every time we hang out. Its really getting on my nerves.

quote:

So my sister and I regularly have movie nights where we watch things together. The other day I was texting her, and I said something that it seems I didn't know the actual meaning of.

I see the phrase "netflix and chill" used occasionally on the internet, like on facebook and memes and stuff. Apparently it means sex. I thought it literally meant netflix and chill, that's why people used it. I thought it just meant like when people want to hang out and watch a movie or something, I had no idea it meant sex. Guess I don't spend enough time catching up with the latest memes?

So I was texting my sister about watching something at home together later, and I said "we can stay up late for some netflix and chill, it'll be fun" or something like that.

She just responded "omg you have no idea what that really means do you?" I asked her what it meant, she responded "I'm not going to tell you but you're going to hate yourself once you found out." So I googled it and found out it meant sex, I had no loving idea.

I instantly apologised like a million times, told her I was embarrassed I had no idea, she just said don't worry, its funny. So a simple mistake, right? I thought that would be the end of it.

It turns out she took a screenshot and showed it to all our friends (we have a mutual circle of friends) cause she thought it would be hilarious. Okay, I guess from her point of view it was funny, but come on, she knows I'm sensitive and that's just asking to humiliate me.

Next time we were hanging out with friends, they all ripped into me about it, I just said yeah yeah yeah stupid me right, and thought that would be it, but it went on for days. They kept making gross jokes about me and my sister, like when my sister and I would be walking back home, they'd say "gonna go home for some netflix and chill?" and make a swinging action with their pelvis or some other sign that means sex. When I'd ask them to stop cause its not funny, they'd be like "no way man, you literally asked your sister for sex, we're never gonna forget this".

On the second day I told them the joke was old but they kept making it. My sister was there too and she'd laugh along even though the joke was implicating her. I told her "you know they're making fun of you too, right? They're making fun of both of us." She'd say "nope, they're just making fun of you." I told her to make them stop, and she'd say something like "come on guys, you're making him feel really bad." But it would just egg them on and they'd be like "need you big sis to stick up for you? No netflix and chill for you tonight."

I told them it wasn't funny any more, and it wasn't even funny to begin with, but they strongly disagreed. I said I get it, I had no idea what it meant, come on, stop being so immature and get over it. They said they enjoyed how annoyed and flustered it made me.

The worst parts were when even my sister joined in on the joke, like she didn't even mind that it was humiliating her too as long as it was humiliating me. Our friends would be like "How's netflix?" or "Did you netflix good?" and she'd say something like "Oh yeah, we netflixed so hard I got pregnant," and they'd all laugh thinking that's so hilarious even though I think its gross and I don't find it funny at all. I told her that's disgusting and she'd be like "don't be like that sweetie, its your baby too, what should we name him?" They kept making more incest jokes, all of them, not just the guys, but some of the girls in our friendship group would join in too. Although its mostly the guys that make the jokes, though the girls still laugh along and egg them on.

They know every time they do it, how annoyed it makes me, yet they still keep doing it. Its like they enjoyed it because I'm so easy to rile up.

One night at home my sister noticed I was unhappy and she was asking me what's wrong and I told her about how the whole thing is getting on my nerves and if she could make them stop. She was like "aww I'm sorry" but then said that she can't control them and its not like she could force them to stop making the jokes, though she'd try to get them to stop. She said "maybe you need thicker skin, they're just jokes, the only reason they make them is because they know how much it bothers you and they enjoy it." She said maybe if I just laugh along instead of getting angry and annoyed every time, they'd stop.

Next time they were making those jokes I decided instead of getting angry and telling them off, I'd just laugh and join in, so they'd stop seeing it as a way to annoy me and stop telling the stupid jokes. One of my friends made a joke to my sister, telling her something like "make sure you lock your bedroom door at night". I said "oh come on, she doesn't need to worry about me, the last thing I'd ever want to do is make her orgasm, she doesn't deserve that." Everyone suddenly went "awww that's disgusting" and saying I'd gone too far.

I said come on, they'd been making their stupid incest jokes all week and I make one joke and its gone too far? They said yeah their jokes were more subtle, mine wasn't even funny and was just gross and I'd crossed the line. I said fine, there was no winning with them. I get annoyed by their jokes, they're not happy, I'm fine with their jokes, they're not happy.

They kept saying how gross I am for wanting to "gently caress his sister" and I said I'd had enough and told them I was too mature for any of them, and got up and left. They just laughed.

My sister followed me back home and suddenly she was pretending to be on my side again, she was saying "oh come on, you're overreacting again, you know this just encourages them."

I told her I don't care, I'm too mature for them, I can find better friends. She said there's no need to toss away a friendship group I've had for years just because I can't take a few jokes. I said I've had enough, they always pick on me, i'm always the butt of jokes, I don't like it. They don't respect me.

She tried to persuade me but it didn't work, I told her if her "friends" matter to her so much more than her own brother, then she can go to her precious friends, I'm sick of being made fun of.

At home, she told me I was being a drama queen, and I was way overreacting to a silly joke. I told her how come the second I made a silly joke and joined in, they all jumped down my throat. She said she didn't even get my joke, it was just weird and kind of gross, it really crossed the line.

I told her she was completely and consistently dismissing my feelings on the matter and telling me I was wrong for feeling upset about being made fun of, I felt she didn't really regard my feelings highly and thought they were just "silly", and she much higher valued being seen as "cool" by her friends rather than as "uptight" and "overly sensitive" like me.

She said I have a point and she hadn't thought of that, she'd think about it.

Later I said I wanted to watch movies in my room by myself, not with her anymore. She was saying "you don't mean that, come on you love me." I told her I don't (I didn't mean it of course, but I was kind of angry and just wanted to hurt her). She thought I was being serious and then suddenly went really quiet, and was really sad for the next 2 days, we didn't talk much.

My parents asked me if I'd said anything to my sister because she'd been suddenly so sad and hurt over the past two days, she was really quiet and sullen, it was uncharacteristic of her. I just said that our friends had been picking on me a lot and I'd had enough but it seems that she'd thrown her hat in with the people who were picking on me. They didn't know what I was talking about so I left it at that.

My sister kept annoying me, seemingly still really hurt over the "I don't love you" thing. When she was walking to the shops later, I tried to walk with her, asking her where she was going. She wouldn't even smile or look at me, she just gave quick short answers "shopping" "friends". I asked her if I could come, I'd love to hang out too. She got really angry and said "no, what you said was really hurtful, you have to realise words have meanings and you can't just throw around words like that. You don't even care how much it hurts me on the inside or how much it devastates me when you say things like what you said".

I was like jeeeeeeez holy poo poo, now who's being overly sensitive and too emotional? They'd been mocking me all week and that's fine, I'm supposed to take it, but I say one little thing to her and she internally collapses like this? What's her deal? Why did what I say hurt her so much but what she and the rest of my "friends" were saying is fine?

So now I'm at a situation where my sister is angry at me, I ruined my relationship with all my main friends, and I'm sick of them constantly making fun of me. What should I about this all?

tl;dr: Had no idea "netflix and chill" meant sex, thought it just meant literally hanging out and watching a movie. Sent it in a text to my sister, she took a screenshot and showed all our friends. They mocked me mercilessly until I'd had enough and took my anger out on them and my sister, accidentally hurting my sister apparently really deeply with what I said to her. Now I feel pretty horrible. Now I'm at a situation where I have basically no friends and no sister. I really don't know what to do, its all so hosed.

# ? Sep 8, 2017 03:04

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