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Open Marriage Night posted:Four year old: "Mom, I'm going to be a ninja when I grow up....Guess what, I'm still a ninja right now." Well, yeah. Every one knows ninjas are born not made.
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Jul 31, 2017 01:12
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The other day I met a local barista's three-year old kid for the first time. Very polite, a little shy, but warmed up to me when she gave me a high five and I flopped backwards on my butt. I got a report today that the third thing has stuck in her head the most. She has now regularly reminded her mom that her hand is "danger strong", magic, or asking her where "the strongness is" on her hand.
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Aug 4, 2017 02:09
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"Do I look like a dead body looking up at the sky?" asked my creepy toddler, limbs limp. Luckily, the answer was mostly no.
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Aug 4, 2017 02:13
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What's the Rudest Thing Your Child's Ever Said? preview:
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Aug 4, 2017 15:45
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A little girl at work today was asking her dad to buy her a bouncy ball out of the machine, because 'I only have one and it's being destroyed!'
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Aug 6, 2017 00:07
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My 2 year old son now yells "Good Morning, Blinkin!" to the robot vacuum when it starts its scheduled sweep without fail. I'm confident when the AI revolution comes, he'll be ok.
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Aug 6, 2017 14:15
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tribbledirigible posted:My 2 year old son now yells "Good Morning, Blinkin!" to the robot vacuum when it starts its scheduled sweep without fail. I'm confident when the AI revolution comes, he'll be ok. always nice to your machines seems a good future world survival plan
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Aug 6, 2017 14:26
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tribbledirigible posted:My 2 year old son now yells "Good Morning, Blinkin!" to the robot vacuum when it starts its scheduled sweep without fail. I'm confident when the AI revolution comes, he'll be ok. sneakyfrog posted:always nice to your machines seems a good future world survival plan https://www.juhsd.net/cms/lib010/CA01902464/Centricity/Domain/256/2016_The%20Veldt.pdf
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Aug 8, 2017 15:21
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Overheard in a waiting room: "See you later, Mr. Rhino. You're mean, I'm gonna WALK.  ""Sorry dude, I ate all your food." "I only have booger! Om nom nom nom." Alligator Pie has a new favorite as of 22:50 on Aug 10, 2017 |
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Aug 10, 2017 22:47
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Kid: "I don't wanna go in the girls bathroom!" Me: "Sorry, little man, but the boys potty is broken. You have to use the girl's one." Kid: "But I'm not a girl, I am a BOY! (angrily) I have a pecker!" Me: "Oh, don't worry! We disabled the pecker alarm, it's okay to use the girl's potty.." (later on, after someone came to fix the men's toilet) Me: "Hey, Kid, why are you going into the girl's room? The toilet was fixed, remember the man who came in?" Kid: "BUT I WANNA HEAR THE PECKER ALARM!"
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Aug 12, 2017 01:30
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The other day my mom took my son and I to Legoland. When she was using the bathroom, she heard this conversation in the next stall: Lady: Are you feeling sick honey? Kid: No. Lady: Then why are you making that face? Kid: Because this poop STINKS!!
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Aug 12, 2017 01:32
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Going through really old papers from when I was in elementary school. Among them was a stack of slips of paper from one week when I was Star Student in like second or third grade. Everyone filled out a slip saying something that was special about you and then at the end of the week you got to keep all of them. Most of my fellow classmates praised my writing, spelling, willingness to help others, etc. One of my closer male friends wrote: Sweeper is special because you are very funny and very weird because you spit and say everyone is cute.
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Aug 19, 2017 02:25
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sweeperbravo posted:Going through really old papers from when I was in elementary school. Among them was a stack of slips of paper from one week when I was Star Student in like second or third grade. Everyone filled out a slip saying something that was special about you and then at the end of the week you got to keep all of them. Most of my fellow classmates praised my writing, spelling, willingness to help others, etc. thats a fantastic compliment :O
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Aug 19, 2017 05:55
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I'm also thrilled by how accurate it more or less still is. In third and fourth grade I had a teacher who had us write exit notes at the end of each day, and she would read them and write a little note back to us. I was reading through them and just impressed with the fact that I was never classified with anything. Anyway, one of the entries makes a reference to being at recess and not being paid for "the hand business." A later entry makes further mention of "the milky hand business."  This is when Milky Gel Pens were hugely trendy, and another girl and I decided to start designing hand tattoos that we would draw on people for 25 cents at recess. I remember this being shortly shut down by the lunch aides. But I don't remember referring to it as the milky. hand. business. what the actual gently caress, I can only imagine my teacher's immediate reaction to that and how she must have had to ask me about it with one hand over the child counselor speed dial From the same set of journals i also describe two games we played at recess. (Recess seems to be all I ever wanted to write to her about). I remember us playing a tag-like game that had some more complex rules and nuances, but apparently we had many, many variations on tag with other alternate rules and scripts. The two mentioned by name in the journal are "Version 3 Advanced Tag" and, my personal favorite, "Oh My Gosh, There's a Guy in Our Basement!"
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Aug 19, 2017 18:03
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Hello, fellow gel pen tattoist! I got ISS for that. Some bullshit.
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Aug 19, 2017 18:56
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sweeperbravo posted:"Oh My Gosh, There's a Guy in Our Basement!" I am wildly curious about what the rules of this game could be.
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Aug 19, 2017 20:03
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When my (then 4, now 5 year old) nephew was over for my birthday, we noticed a big, healing scab in the small of his back. With a little coaxing of his mom, he told us he and his friend went off the playground slide on a skateboard. I felt such a strange mixture of horror and admiration.
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Aug 19, 2017 20:10
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Hello, fellow gel pen tattoist! I got ISS for that. Some bullshit.  We just got told to knock it off and so we did, we were an obedient group. I think in our case if it had been named something less Chris Hansen worthy we would have been fine.FELD1 posted:I am wildly curious about what the rules of this game could be. Slightly disappointing- quote:oh my gosh!
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Aug 19, 2017 20:28
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Not mine, but too good not to share:someone on Waygook.org posted:We just finished the "Can you come to my party?" lesson, so we had the students create invitations. Most of the kids did pajama party, birthday party, or other generic things. This kid (who always says he's "terrible") wrote this:
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Aug 25, 2017 10:56
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Needs points docked for not setting it at 6 on June 6th.sweeperbravo posted:Slightly disappointing- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAM5Tt68bgQ
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Aug 25, 2017 11:19
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I was planning the big final summer thing I was doing with my children before they went back to their moms for the school year. I told them we'd go out and have a nice breakfast to start off the day. My 5 year-old daughter said "I don't want to have McDonalds for breakfast cause I don't want you pooping all day"
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Aug 25, 2017 14:39
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When our kid didn't want to put down a toy or similar when it was time to sit down at the table to eat, we regularly had to threaten "we'll take it away". As in "Come sit down, we're having dinner" (kid sits down with his lego cars) "Come on, put those in the toybox, we're eating" - "No!" - "Put them away, you can play with them after dinner" - "No!" - "Put them away, or I'll take them away" - "Noooo!!!" (kid puts the toys in the box) Anyway, this went on for a while until he turned the tables on us when one day last winter he didn't want to eat his vegetables. "I don't want veggies, they're disgusting!" - "Come on, just one, they're good for you!" - "NO! Or I'll take the sun away!" The next day, it began to snow. drat kid made good on his threat.
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Aug 25, 2017 17:06
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I think this counts here. You can practically quote the kid in your head.
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Aug 25, 2017 18:31
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MisterBibs posted:I think this counts here. You can practically quote the kid in your head. Well, it's a cute way to not have the kid miss their opportunity to be with his peers because he had a tantrum at age 3 
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Aug 25, 2017 18:43
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Every parent has their kids handprint. I'd be infinitely happier to have that tile to torment my child with for the rest of their life.
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Aug 25, 2017 19:19
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Not mine, but too good not to share: This brought back memories of some weird stuff I wrote as a kid. We were tasked with writing a letter of complaint once (to any company for any reason), and I decided to write my letter about a made-up kitkat chunky I'd "unwrapped" that'd turned out to be half green and had a dead bee stuck to it. Another time I wrote a story about a merry-go-round me and my family went on that made a magical door appear, and when we went through it we ended up at god's house and we had some juice with him. That's not even getting into the non-school related stories I wrote, where a dinosaur gets revenge on another dinosaur stealing her eggs every night (which she somehow always had a fresh batch of) by poisoning him, just after I'd gone into detail about how the other dinosaur always saved the biggest egg to feed to his family.  For content: my nearly-4 year old step-nephew had a runny nose and was messing around with my stepmum's cross-stitch stuff (just the materials, no needles around), putting it near his face. She took it off him and told him that she didn't want bogies all over it, to which he responded by shouting "BOGIES" and pretending to sneeze all over it.
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Aug 26, 2017 08:24
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Loosely translated from Spanish: "Hey, see you tomorrow, ok? I am with my boyfriend and my friend right now" (7-8 years old neighbourhood girl talking into a mobile phone. She DID have a younger girl friend with her, too )
Shellception has a new favorite as of 19:03 on Aug 29, 2017 |
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Aug 29, 2017 18:59
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My one four-year old son, "Boytoy named Troy, used to live in Detroit. Big Dope dealer money, he was gettin' some points" My other four year old son, "NO! You're not supposed to say that! It's `big dope dealer money he was gettin' some COINS!'" Needless to say, we no longer listen to postmodern jukebox
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Aug 31, 2017 01:23
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To the tune of the Adam West Batman theme: "My name is Josh and imma Batman Batman, BATMAN!"
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Aug 31, 2017 22:29
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ME: "Every time you answer correctly, I'll draw part of a face on this balloon." ......... ME: "Okay, Kid, you did a great job! Look at this beautiful face! What should we do last?" KID:  "DIE!!!!"ME: "Pop it?" KID: "YES! POP IT! MAKE IT DIE!!!!!" So I popped it. Old memory from Facebook: I asked the second graders to draw their favorite things. My favorite student's answer was "Fleta-teacher and money and jewelry and diamonds!" Other answers: Mommy/family Lemons Dim sum A dinosaur eating them Teddy bears "yes" (He just wrote the word "yes" and handed it to me like  )Gold bars
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Sep 4, 2017 13:23
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Dim sum kid knows what's up.
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Sep 4, 2017 13:45
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:"yes" (He just wrote the word "yes" and handed it to me like He wasn't sure if you were into prog.
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Sep 4, 2017 15:17
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I asked the second graders to draw their favorite things. My favorite student's answer was "Fleta-teacher and money and jewelry and diamonds!" This reminds me of the time my little sister (I think also in 2nd or 3rd grade at the time, back in the early 1990s) was asked to draw her favorite thing in school. She has two older brothers, me being one of them. We two boys used to spend a lot of time playing computer games on my old Amstrad CPC, and she used to spend a lot of time watching us play. Consequently, her drawing was a crude crayon rendering of this scene...  ...with special attention lavished on the little green head-kicking goblin. My parents had a bit of explaining to do to the teacher.
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Sep 4, 2017 17:43
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During a tantrum the other day, a kid I worked with socked me in the junk. The reason was that he still had an intense crush on Amy Jo Johnson from back when we showed them some of twitch marathon of Power Rangers a while ago, and showing him a picture of me with AJJ was not the Cool Fun Thing I thought it'd be, but an Actively Offensive Thing That Required Tantrumming Over.
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Sep 9, 2017 15:43
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Listening to my two kids argue the other morning my daughter (4) has a balloon she's pretending is the moon, son (7) isn't in the mood and is just arguing with her we hear this exchange: S "The moon doesn't do that!" D "The moon will do what I tell it!"
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Sep 10, 2017 10:20
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One of the youngest kids at work introduced a new game called "Snake." It's not so much a game, though, as it is them running in a circle screaming "SNAAAAAKE" at the top of their lungs. ...we don't let them play it indoors any more, and when we take them outside and tell that kid that it's okay to play Snake there, he absolutely does not want to play it.
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Sep 11, 2017 12:31
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cakesmith handyman posted:Listening to my two kids argue the other morning my daughter (4) has a balloon she's pretending is the moon, son (7) isn't in the mood and is just arguing with her we hear this exchange: Future supervillain. Be good to that one, when the world is hers she can provide for a comfortable retirement.
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Sep 11, 2017 16:31
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Dr Snofeld posted:One of the youngest kids at work introduced a new game called "Snake." It's not so much a game, though, as it is them running in a circle screaming "SNAAAAAKE" at the top of their lungs. makes sense, most of my deaths in MGS are indoors
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Sep 11, 2017 16:55
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I'm at Six Flags, and I was entering the bathroom, I heard the little girl behind me ask, "Mommy, what ride is this?"
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Sep 17, 2017 20:21
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ME: "Which do you like better, dogs or cats?" KID: "Dogs. I just like dogs. I don't like cats because if you push a cat, it will kill you." True. ME: "How old are you?" KID: "I'm eight years old." ME: "Really? I though you were one hundred years old!" KID: "Because you are one thousand years old and you are a GRANDMOTHER and your eyes....your eyes...go away!"
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Sep 18, 2017 08:53
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