Solice Kirsk posted:

I had one of my best friends come out and then declare his love for me once. It was a little awkward.

Herbert the Pervert posted:

I had some friends make sure the case went away, but my legal fees were high and my friend wanted some cash for paying off a few witnesses.

Gynovore posted:

Too Close to the Sun. Yeah, you called your 'cousin' Vinnie who 'solves problems', right.

Howard W. Campbell posted:

I've fallen in quite hard with the nazi side of tumblr (this probably sounds amusing and stupid and weird but we all call it reichblr) - at first it was just because I found the aesthetics attractive, but now I don't know.

First off I 100% believe the racial superiority stuff is all bullshit. No whites aren't better than any other race. No the Jews aren't to blame for whatever you want to blame them for and I don't actually think immigration is a problem etc.

I don't think any of that is true, but I don't think it matters? Behaving as though those things are true feels so edifying. I saw some quote floating around about how you should be careful about what you pretend to be because that's actually what you are. Well. I do think I'm a good person and honestly in so many ways I really am and no one I know would ever suspect it of me (and probably thinks I'm more like some annoying left wing SJW than anything tbh) but if someone offered me the chance to have been an SS officer in the 1930s I'd take that without question. I have all these fantasies about it.

I don't know how odd this is. I think maybe it's pretty normal? I don't want to come across like I think I'm some badass evil tortured soul. More like the banality of evil I guess? Lots of people would do awful things if it gave them something else they wanted, or more power or status. People do this all the time in all kinds of petty ways! So I think how I feel might be normal? But at the same time how would you even tell? No one is really going to admit to this right?

I just want to admit to this without it coming off like I'm trying to be edgy and cool, to get it off my chest. I'm a really regular person but I get so aroused/thrilled thinking of nazi atrocities and being able to have taken part in them. Actually people finding nazis sexy is not that odd I know. I was probably talking a bit too enthusiastically about this to someone and they said they'd love to make me actually have to walk past the mass graves and push my face into the actual horrors of it and it just made me long for it more.

I don't really know what my point is with this. Just it's been on my mind a lot. It kind of reminds me of that 'push this button get a million dollars but someone dies' thing. Everyone would push that button but no one would admit it. Or maybe a few rare people wouldn't push it. So I'm not rare or special in that I think I would do terrible things that would bring me pleasure. This isn't really even a confession because I feel bad or in turmoil because I don't. Maybe I'd like to talk to someone who felt the same way and this is the next best thing of getting it off my chest.

Von_Doom posted:

I like this one. "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." That's from Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut. One of my very favourite stories as well as a fabulous 90s movie. The protagonist, Howard W. Campbell Jr, lives in mid and late 1930's Germany as a playwright married to the a high profile German actress. One day he is approached by an American spy. His job is to infiltrate the upper echelons of the Third Reich (many who he already knows through his famous wife and her family) and pretend to be one of them. He becomes a broadcaster promoting Nazi ideals and propaganda over the radio. His job is to relay coded information over his broadcasts to help the various soon-to-be-allied interests. I appreciate this CC Goon's taste in literature although, since it was a fairly blatant homage, you should either embrace Mr Campbell's tragic romanticism leading to nihilism or go the whole hog into the infiltrating agent. I think you wanted to capture something more complex or something that would make the reader question his own motivation or lack thereof. Maybe you wanted the reader who sits on the fence but secretly likes the Nazi aesthetic to question their own indifference? More focus would help this. Consider this your rough-rough-rough draft and try again. I see some good ideas hiding in there so its got potential. Keep working on it and you will get there. So it goes.
Your friend,
Von Doom
aka George Kraft

Edit: Seriously goons should read the book and watch the movie. Here is the trailer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYbXUWw61ug

Sjs00 posted:

because of how much his rear end in a top hat bled once you were done?
what was his name

Von_Doom posted:

Edit: Seriously goons should read the book and watch the movie. Here is the trailer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYbXUWw61ug

Solice Kirsk posted:

Sean.

quote:

I've been having sex with my best friend's mom, on and off, since college. I'm 30 now, she's 61.

This started when I got drunk at a Christmas party hosted by his family. My friend's Dad killed himself back in 93, his Mom had a series of awful boyfriends since then.

We got drunk, i started rubbing her back, she put her head on my lap.

We headed to the basement and locked the door. We hosed. Not great, but it had been a while for me and years for her. So we kept doing it. No relationship, just no strings attached sex.

It's gotten better and it's pretty fun now. We don't do it if we're dating anyone, only if we're single. Like I'm planning to do this weekend.

Sorry Jeromy, but your mom is hot.

quote:

I carry an illegal gun with me almost constantly, unless I know for sure I'm going through a metal detector.

I live in a lovely part of a lovely city and fear for my life. I haven't fired it yet but I have pulled it on about a dozen guys trying to rob or assault me. It's worked every time.

It's loaded but, to be honest, I don't even know if they are the right bullets or how to buy new ones. This was the gun my dad kept in his closet when I was growing up, I just stole it when I moved out.

I probably couldn't even hit someone.

quote:

HELLO THERE,

ALL THE STUFF ON MY COMPUTER IS "LOCKED" AND THE PICTURE SAID TO WRITE HERE TO YOU. IS THIS THE COMPUTRE TECHNICAL SUPPORT PLACE?

REGARDS,

GYSGT MURRAY FETTERMAN, USMCR (RETIRED)

quote:

My wife and I have a perfect marriage in every way.

Once a month, we have really hosed up, weird sex. Usually holiday themed.

This month was Labor Day. I dressed up as a factory worker. She was in a sexy boss getup. She whipped me, chained me up, and pissed and poo poo on me before we had sex. I fully admit this is a little strange but it got both of us off.

Next month is Halloween. I'm planning to dress as a masked assailant and "break in" to my own home. Then I'm going to force my wife to fellate me by holding a knife to her. She'll fight back before "killing me" by throwing me down the stairs.

Last year for Christmas she dressed as Santa and pegged me over a pile of Christmas presents.

Like I said, weird but it keeps the marriage going.

quote:

My dad was an abuser, beating up my mom and my sister and me.

He was a crazy Christian fundamentalist and claimed dominion over the house and our lives. When my sister discovered she was gay my Dad locked her in a closet for 2 days and blared hellfire and brimstone sermons he had recorded onto tapes. He played those tapes the entire time she was in the closet, then asked her if she "was still lusting for sinful flesh of another woman". My sister, who had 12 at the time, was terrified and lied and said no.

My dad also trapped me on the roof of the house during a lightning storm; forcing me to climb up a ladder at knifepoint then removing the ladder. His reasoning? I had cheated on an exam at school and this would teach me "the wrathful side of God".

I didn't get struck by lightning but I caught pneumonia, which my dad treated by feeding me massive quantities of hot sauce drenched cabbage - a weird family recipe of his. I ended up in the hospital and CPS took me and my sister away for a while.

My mom lied to protect him, and so did my sister and I, so we ended up back home pretty quickly.

My dad chained us together with a dog leash (my sister and I) and said that since we enjoyed conspiring against him together, we could live together. Then he straight up cold-cocked my mom and knocked her out.

My dad passed out a few hours later; my sister and I still tied up. My mom woke up then. And here's where my confession comes in:

My mom had us go in the bedroom and lock the door, and told us to wait until she said anything to come out. We waited around 3 hours and then she said it was all clear. When we came out our Dad was gone along with the chair he had passed out on. Mom unlocked us at this point, with the key my dad had put in his jeans pocket.

Mom told us that he left us and said he only wanted the chair, which he backed up with a handwritten note on the counter. And we never saw him again. And we never missed him, our lives got exponentially better with him gone.

Dad was unemployed and basically unemployable, so we didn't lose financial support. The house was in Mom's name since Dad had declared bankruptcy before meeting Mom and no bank would touch him. And all their bank accounts were Mom's. Since again, Dad was awful with money and Mom was the only steady income anyway.

Later that summer I was playing in the woods and found the chair. It was tossed pretty deep back there and had dark stains all over it. My childhood imagination imagined a scenario where Mom finally killed Dad, tossed the chair and his body into the woods, then started life over.

So, of course, I started looking for the body. I hunted every day that summer but never found it. It's been nearly 25 years now so if there ever was a body to find, I'm not gonna find it now.

I have no idea what happened while we were in that room, Mom will never say and we never asked. Maybe on her death bed, but I even doubt that.

In happier news, and to end this confession in a good way, we are all doing great. My sister has been happily out of the closet since the early 2000s, is married to her lovely wife, and works for a Fortune 500 company. My mom went back to school while we were kids, became a Respiratory Therapist, and is on track to retire this upcoming April. She remarried in 2007 to a nice guy who treats her like a queen.

I'm a photographer and make a solid living between weddings, special events, and doing some work for my local news station.

I guess the point of this is you should murder (figuratively and possibly literally) someone who abuses your family, because you'll turn out okay.

loquacius posted:

I like how you take turns with the dominant dynamic but I think you kind of hosed up Labor Day

loquacius posted:

I am slightly amused by the idea of a guy running out on his family but really wanting to take his favorite chair along with him (and nothing else just the chair)

all staying in motels until he finds a new place and taking the chair into the room with him because the lovely one at the desk just isn't good enough

areyoucontagious posted:

Who just dabbles in the piss and poo poo game? That feels like something you really need to commit to if you're going to do it.

Theophany posted:

I imagine the cleanup operation probably makes it too much of a hassle to be doing it on the reg.

LingcodKilla posted:

So I've heard...

Theophany posted:

Uh huh, so these tubs... Where could somebody procure them, if they were so inclined?

wesleywillis posted:

I have one in my bathroom.

Yeah, I'm in to kinky poo poo and piss sex too.

Theophany posted:

Wait, 'same' about having a tub in my bathroom. Not 'same' about being a piss and poo poo deviant.

Theophany posted:

you've still got the rigmarole of scooping pieces of poo poo out of the drain

tactlessbastard posted:

Theophany posted:

Same, but that just doesn't seem like it would be comfortable and you've still got the rigmarole of scooping pieces of poo poo out of the drain. I would've thought putting down a tarp or something would be the way forward.

areyoucontagious posted:

Just lol if you don't have a special prison shower with drains and beds and stuff built into your bedroom for your scat play

Danaru posted:

Are we talking masked assailant like, balaclava wearing house invader, or a Jason Voorhees/Michael Myers thing? Because if it's the former, that's not nearly halloween enough, and if it's the latter, slasher killers wouldn't be killed by a simple fall down some stairs I'm not trying to kink shame but come on, do it right or don't bother.