Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

half coke half diet posted:

I honestly thought it was "Catholics have blessed wafers, we got blessed beef, you choose"

Judaism does not evangelize or seek converts at all and our reaction when we find out someone wants to convert of their own volition is "uh, okay, but why though"

"like, what's your angle here"

# ? Sep 21, 2017 18:07

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# ? May 12, 2024 12:12

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Wanna get in on that new world order

# ? Sep 21, 2017 18:22

Not a Children: Oct 9, 2012; Don't need a holster if you never stop shooting.

loquacius posted:

Judaism does not evangelize or seek converts at all and our reaction when we find out someone wants to convert of their own volition is "uh, okay, but why though"

"like, what's your angle here"

This is true but boy howdy do the more zealous love to harrass us less observant jews about whatever political/social poo poo they're trying to push

# ? Sep 21, 2017 18:25

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; Buglord

loquacius posted:

Judaism does not evangelize or seek converts at all and our reaction when we find out someone wants to convert of their own volition is "uh, okay, but why though"

"like, what's your angle here"

"I'm here for the jokes"

# ? Sep 21, 2017 18:42

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

loquacius posted:

Judaism does not evangelize or seek converts at all and our reaction when we find out someone wants to convert of their own volition is "uh, okay, but why though"

"like, what's your angle here"

Better Chinese Food?

bonus: If its from Chinatown in 'Toughtown, cause dat poo poo the bomb

half coke half diet fucked around with this message at 19:15 on Sep 21, 2017

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:13

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

literally ate lunch today at a Chinese food restaurant that had a flyer up on the door wishing me a shanah tovah

Not a Children posted:

This is true but boy howdy do the more zealous love to harrass us less observant jews about whatever political/social poo poo they're trying to push

yeah I wasn't really counting internal messaging, but they don't really do much marketing per se apart from grumbling

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:18

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

loquacius posted:

literally ate lunch today at a Chinese food restaurant that had a flyer up on the door wishing me a shanah tovah

yeah I wasn't really counting internal messaging, but they don't really do much marketing per se apart from grumbling

That reminds me that my favorite teriyaki marinade brand is Soy Vey

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:29

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

fruit on the bottom posted:

That reminds me that my favorite teriyaki marinade brand is Soy Vey

Love that poo poo, best for chicken on the grill and chicken kabobs

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:31

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

I use it for porkchops and then serve it with some apple chutney.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:38

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

half coke half diet posted:

I honestly thought it was "Catholics have blessed wafers, we got blessed beef, you choose"

Well I mean if you're doing low carb to lose weight best to jump in with the guys with the ringlets and little hats. Though I'd miss pork like a vital organ.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:52

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

Theophany posted:

Well I mean if you're doing low carb to lose weight best to jump in with the guys with the ringlets and little hats. Though I'd miss pork like a vital organ.

Bacon >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> eternal salvation

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:57

F1DriverQuidenBerg: Jan 19, 2014

When I was young the main appeal of Catholicism seemed to be getting a good seat in church and having your son be an altar boy, which in retrospect I dodged a bullet there.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:58

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

fruit on the bottom posted:

That reminds me that my favorite teriyaki marinade brand is Soy Vey

if im feeling lazy and just want to do a premade marinade Soy Vey is 100% my go-to that poo poo is the bomb

# ? Sep 21, 2017 19:59

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Whats with jews and chinese food? They love using pork

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:08

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

loquacius posted:

yeah I wasn't really counting internal messaging, but they don't really do much marketing per se apart from grumbling

it's the ladies

someone link that psychopath's website where he literally just like, collected pictures of jewish actresses and talked about "the sultry Jewess" like a loving Enhydra lutis post

edit: forum search comes through, my bad, it was "seductive Jewess"

Pener Kropoopkin posted:

Incidentally, there's a big running list collated by some paranoid schizophrenic about every big breasted Jewish woman who has ever been in print or film since the 1940s. He even has developed a taxonomy that distinguishes them all by race and body type.

It's called seductive jewess 4, because apparently he had a bunch of other seductive jewess lists that got taken down. I'm not gonna link it because it's too nsw, and I know somebody's gonna click it anyway. Everything about it is absolutely insane,

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:13

Mycroft Holmes: Mar 26, 2010; by Azathoth

DACK FAYDEN posted:

it's the ladies

someone link that psychopath's website where he literally just like, collected pictures of jewish actresses and talked about "the sultry Jewess" like a loving Enhydra lutis post

edit: forum search comes through, my bad, it was "seductive Jewess"

whats wrong with sultry jewesses? jews cant be sexy?

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:16

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

got any sevens posted:

Whats with jews and chinese food? They love using pork

I'm pretty sure it's because for a long time the only places you could get something to eat on Christmas or Easter were Chinese restaurants, which led to a lot of mid-20th-century Jewish families having a tradition of eating there on those days

I live in a traditionally Jewish neighborhood and there is a glatt-kosher Chinese restaurant there. (I've never eaten there though, there are much better Chinese places not much further away)

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:16

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

got any sevens posted:

Whats with jews and chinese food? They love using pork

only place thats open on christmas and easter

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:17

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

Mycroft Holmes posted:

whats wrong with sultry jewesses? jews cant be sexy?

As Woody Allen probably didn't actually say, but we used to say at Brandeis, "Ninety percent of Jewish women are beautiful. The other ten percent go to Brandeis."

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:27

F1DriverQuidenBerg: Jan 19, 2014

Larry David's daughter is hot af.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:29

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

DACK FAYDEN posted:

it's the ladies

someone link that psychopath's website where he literally just like, collected pictures of jewish actresses and talked about "the sultry Jewess" like a loving Enhydra lutis post

edit: forum search comes through, my bad, it was "seductive Jewess"

That was a stupid Google and I should not have done it. What the everloving gently caress.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:30

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

Theophany posted:

That was a stupid Google and I should not have done it. What the everloving gently caress.

I called him a psychopath and then the quote I copied was like "not linking because people will click it", that one's not on me :colbert:

(it's fascinating just how completely broken he is, in a weird way, he's like the Ullillia of Jewish actresses?)

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:31

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Usually when a negative obsession like that is actually just a cover for a fetish, the cover is a little bit more plausible and the fetish a little less obvious. Like, when a deeply-closeted evangelical Christian crusades against homosexuality, usually he has more sense than to publicly curate a list of Really Hot Gay Dudes Conspiring To Invade My Thoughts At Night And Make Me Gay.

I guess that's the kind of thing that happens when an at-risk youth discovers Stormfront and Alison Brie at the same time

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:36

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

DACK FAYDEN posted:

I called him a psychopath and then the quote I copied was like "not linking because people will click it", that one's not on me

(it's fascinating just how completely broken he is, in a weird way, he's like the Ullillia of Jewish actresses?)

What can I say, I thought seductive Jewesses would be less of a window into the mind of the mentally ill.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:50

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

There are probably easier ways to look at sexy ScarJo pictures

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:52

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

True, but I'm like an internet toddler. Tell me not to do something and I'm straight on it.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:53

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

loquacius posted:

Usually when a negative obsession like that is actually just a cover for a fetish, the cover is a little bit more plausible and the fetish a little less obvious. Like, when a deeply-closeted evangelical Christian crusades against homosexuality, usually he has more sense than to publicly curate a list of Really Hot Gay Dudes Conspiring To Invade My Thoughts At Night And Make Me Gay.

I guess that's the kind of thing that happens when an at-risk youth discovers Stormfront and Alison Brie at the same time

wait, Alison Brie is Jewish?

brb finding a rabbi

# ? Sep 21, 2017 20:58

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Googling sultry jewesses 4 has been an incredibly valuable use of my phone.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 21:10

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

That one girl from Two Broke Girls is Jewish. Kat Dennings. That alone makes up for the whole killing humanity's lord and savior thing.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 21:15

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

quote:

I have a thing, I don't know if I'd quite call it a fetish, with popping pimples. Those youtubes where they drain cysts or medically remove blackheads etc don't really do it for me, it has to be my own and it has to pop, not drain. If I'm not going to be out in public for a day or two like on the weekends I'll even rub oil (sometimes even pizza grease once it cools down) on my face to accelerate it. Alcohol also helps, like if you drink heavily for a few days and then stop, I break out pretty hard.

Anyway, every morning I count the number of whiteheads on my face and rate them based on number and potential, which varies based on location. If they are up by your sideburn area or on your chin, or the very tip of your nose, these are the good ones. Then I proceed to pop them and give each one a rating. On a typical day most are pretty disappointing 1 or 2/10s where they just drain a bit and there's really no "pop". If I can feel the pop then it's 3 or 4, maybe 5 depending on output. If it hits the mirror it's easily 5 or higher, again depending on output. Coincidentally the bigger they are the more likely they are to be disappointing, but this is not always true.

The only ones who have achieved 10/10 status have been either in my waist area after wearing pants that were too tight all day (these take sometimes a couple days to develop, you have to feel the growth start under the skin and start to squeeze it up to the surface gradually), and also on my inner thighs. My best waist one was in a hotel. I was standing in front of a floor to ceiling mirror about 3 feet away and I started squeezing. The pop actually made me gasp and the mirror got a big gob of blood and pus on it, and the thing kept bleeding a bit for at least an hour. I actually got another less major (but still a 6 or 7) pop out of the same one the next morning.

The inner thigh ones vary a lot depending on location. The ones toward the front are better, not only because of output but also that you can see them. Even if they aren't always the most explosive (with some exceptions), they do tend to be very high in output. One recent one I had to work on for 2 days to get to pop, and when it finally stopped draining I had several sheets of TP that looked like you just dipped them in blood. I like the pus more but blood is still satisfying and I like to either pop it again or scratch the scab off if it tries to stop.

It's not really a sexual thing because I don't become aroused, although the feeling of a 10/10 is almost as satisfying as an orgasm. It's more of a compulsion that I happen to enjoy pursuing.

You ever vacuum one off your taint? You'd probably jizz all over the place.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 21:30

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

RFC2324 posted:

only place thats open on christmas and easter

Why not just cook a turkey? Its kosher

Solice Kirsk posted:

That one girl from Two Broke Girls is Jewish. Kat Dennings. That alone makes up for the whole killing humanity's lord and savior thing.

Pontius pilate wasnt jewish iirc

# ? Sep 21, 2017 22:00

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

got any sevens posted:

Why not just cook a turkey? Its kosher

That would constitute a Christmas/Easter dinner though which sort of defeats the purpose

# ? Sep 21, 2017 22:04

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Verisimilidude posted:

guys Im in a good job and have time for my friends and hobbies and am working out and eating well and I feel pretty good for the first time in a long time

Nice humble brag.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 22:12

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

loquacius posted:

That would constitute a Christmas/Easter dinner though which sort of defeats the purpose

Or pizza or burgers or something normal then

Also jesus was a jew anyway, just with some differing opinions, and arguing about rules is something i thought jewish people loved

# ? Sep 21, 2017 22:14

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

got any sevens posted:

Or pizza or burgers or something normal then

Also jesus was a jew anyway, just with some differing opinions, and arguing about rules is something i thought jewish people loved

In the mid-20th century when these traditions started the pizza and burger places would be closed too

And I mean, most of us are in agreement on the "don't practice non-Jewish religions" thing since the majority of our history consists of people trying to force us to do that and it's kind of a sore subject, but you still see someone with a Hanukkah Tree or whatever every so often so the lines do blur occasionally. They just don't blur all the way to "just loving give up and celebrate the birth of the chief prophet of the religion that has been persecuting you for millenia". That'd be pretty blurry.

But the practice of giving gifts on Hanukkah at all is appropriated from Christmas, as it was the easiest way to get your kids in the 1950s to stop whining about how all the Christian kids they know are getting presents on their holiday

# ? Sep 21, 2017 22:19

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

got any sevens posted:

Pontius pilate wasnt jewish iirc

I doubt he had an awesome rack either. I'm gonna say it, Kat Dennings is probably better looking than Pontius Pilate was.

# ? Sep 21, 2017 22:22

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

got any sevens posted:

Pontius pilate wasnt jewish iirc

"The jews killed our lord and savior (as was his wish)" -some Italian guy in a funny hat with no sense of irony

# ? Sep 21, 2017 22:24

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

loquacius posted:

In the mid-20th century when these traditions started the pizza and burger places would be closed too

And I mean, most of us are in agreement on the "don't practice non-Jewish religions" thing since the majority of our history consists of people trying to force us to do that and it's kind of a sore subject, but you still see someone with a Hanukkah Tree or whatever every so often so the lines do blur occasionally. They just don't blur all the way to "just loving give up and celebrate the birth of the chief prophet of the religion that has been persecuting you for millenia". That'd be pretty blurry.

But the practice of giving gifts on Hanukkah at all is appropriated from Christmas, as it was the easiest way to get your kids in the 1950s to stop whining about how all the Christian kids they know are getting presents on their holiday

The area I grew up in had a large irish catholic and jewish population in MA, complete with Kosher Butcheries and Eateries. The Chinese food places caught on the the demand and started to really push for sales on Christmas cause what jew didn't love some General Gau's and a movie. I was always jealous of my jewish friends who got chinese and movies on christmas when I had to have the family battle over ham and 'tatoes :\

# ? Sep 22, 2017 13:17

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

wesleywillis posted:

You ever vacuum one off your taint? You'd probably jizz all over the place.

This just denotes poor vacuum placement.

# ? Sep 22, 2017 19:49

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# ? May 12, 2024 12:12

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

So, I sent in months ago about how I kinda wasn't in love with my girlfriend, and she was being lovely, and cancelling on me last second. Well, I stopped being a chickenshit and dumped her, and man my life has gotten better now.

Good times.

Good to hear, nice job

Here's some dumb nerd poo poo

quote:

Don't tell the Console/PC Destiny 2 threads but I pretend I'm a magical girl when I play as the warlock class. I've done this for multiple multiplayer games that give me access to explosives as a pickup but to avoid being caught on video I would never speak magical girl terms outloud and only do it in my head.

And I don't mean ha ha Sailor Moon or whatever Precure season is running magical girl stuff I mean Magical Lyrical Nanoha and Konosuba type of magical girl which has shows collateral damage from the battles rather than "oh okay everything is fixed".

I'm totally gonna tell those threads about your anime stuff

These were both short and I could glean basically nothing from that last one so here's a third

quote:

I was at the park and a man wanted to show me his puppies. He ended up molesting me in his van. That was two weeks ago. I'm a 36 year old man.

yikes

If you didn't call the cops, do that, and then see thread title

If someone doesn't want to take their puppies out of the van, there probably aren't any puppies

# ? Sep 22, 2017 20:05

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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