/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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mystery fluid: Feb 12, 2017; by Nyc_Tattoo

On the one hand she was a crackwhore, on the other, he wants to live in a gated community. They equally suck.

Somebody fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Oct 4, 2017

# ? Oct 4, 2017 11:18

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# ? May 30, 2024 13:06

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Bubblyblubber posted:

Jfc pull up thread!

My [27 F] husband [25 M] and I have been married for less than six months and I can't have sex with him because of something awful that he did to me

"Abloo bloo bloo racism *hork hork* white people bloo bloo duuuuur" that's how you sound, right there.

Context:

quote:

We were fighting about how he refused to take students loans to go to grad school and insisted to pay cash for it even though we are trying to build our savings to buy a house.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 11:54

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Does that make any difference? There's two valid sides to that argument. But yea, maybe don't mock your spouse

edit: this forum is so ugly with the new font changes, holy cow. I'm actually browsing zoomed out

# ? Oct 4, 2017 11:58

Sentient Data: Aug 31, 2011; My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!

He's dumb and doesn't understand that he won't be able to get a mortgage of they don't have any prior credit history

# ? Oct 4, 2017 12:18

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Whoever said that they don't have any? I'm just visualizing a situation similar to ones I've seen before, where after crunching the numbers a larger loan later is the less expensive option overall. But then, that's probably what they where arguing about. Money causes stress, if there's going to be conflict it's not the dumbest thing to fight over.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 12:53

Sentient Data: Aug 31, 2011; My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!

You're right, let's focus on dumb stuff. Any good drama revolving around, say, people's favorite foods?

# ? Oct 4, 2017 12:55

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

mystery fluid posted:

On the one hand she was a crackwhore, on the other, he wants to live in a gated community. They equally suck.

This is weird, I can see your post when I quote it, but your original post is just blank.

EDIT: I can also highlight it.

Megillah Gorilla fucked around with this message at 13:05 on Oct 4, 2017

# ? Oct 4, 2017 13:03

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

ArbitraryC posted:

Yeah I mean gift giving can be hard but imo it's better to try and fail than it is to us to give up. Like yeah I can think of stuff I've given or received that was considerate but still missed the mark, but like the idea/effort still feels nice and counts a long way.

One of the most stone-cold things someone ever did to me was re-gift me the Christmas present I had bought her four months later as a birthday present. Her reasoning was 'well, you bought it, so I thought you liked it'. Like, poo poo, just put that at the back of a shelf and forget about it. I have a friend that thinks I'm in love with Nightmare Before Christmas when I went through a goth phase at 13, I just accept the gifts and move on.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 13:27

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Gorilla Salad posted:

This is weird, I can see your post when I quote it, but your original post is just blank.

EDIT: I can also highlight it.

I'm getting the same thing. Weird.

Edit: It's ALL his posts.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 13:30

Aramoro: Jun 1, 2012

Fil5000 posted:

I'm getting the same thing. Weird.

Edit: It's ALL his posts.

There's a style in the style sheet that specifically makes his posts invisible.

code:

.showthread td.userid-220358~td, .showthread td.userid-220358~td a, .showthread td.userid-220358~td span, .showthread td.userid-220358~td p {
    color: rgba(0,0,0,0)!important;
}

# ? Oct 4, 2017 13:40

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

Lowtax gave out invisible posting as one of the random "prizes" in one of his recent threads.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 13:42

VictorianQueerLit: Aug 25, 2017

Gorilla Salad posted:

I agree. This turned into a textbook case of white fragility and will be a good teaching example*.

* also, to laugh at them.

"You see my form of racism, in which I describe why I think they deserve it, is different than all other forms of racism."

Way to be so ignorant that you "If you can't beat them, Join EM!" with literal racists.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 13:44

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Wow, the gift just keeps on giving :allears:

# ? Oct 4, 2017 13:50

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Me [31M] and my wife [29F] had a the absolute biggest disaster of a wedding 3 months ago, and she won't let it go.

quote:

Basically me and my SO got married 6 months ago after being in a serious relationship for around 7 years (engaged for 2 year). The wedding to my wife was a huge deal, and unfortunately everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong and then some.

At our Wedding:

Her sister "accidentally" spilt red wine all over her wedding gown. Then was proposed to by her boyfriend, as my wife was walking down the aisle.

The caterers we hired, did a poo poo job, and a lot of people ended up getting food poisoning (including my wife).

All of the wedding photographs, were lost after someone stole our photographers camera during the reception (this makes me really sad).

During our big dance, her sister drunkenly pulled the fire alarm, more or less ruining what was left of the night.

We ended up missing our honeymoon cruise after we got stuck in airline limbo, as we were bumped from our first flight. Then our luggage was misplaced making the problems even worse, we ended up missing our cruise due to our cruise tickets being in my checked luggage (dumb mistake).

Since then everything has gone to poo poo. She has pretty much changed from being the extremely happy and cheery person to someone who lately has been freaking out over anything and seems extremely depressed. In the last month she has basically been begging me for a do-over of the entire wedding, and even wants to get divorced first. Unfortunately we honestly cannot afford that. We had a great sex life before this wedding hell, and lately actually getting her to kiss me seems out of the question.

On top of this her sisters wedding is coming up, and all my wife wants to do is ruin her wedding (which is tempting, but no), and even remotely suggesting that this is a bad idea, causes my wife to basically start a massive argument, about how she ruined her big day, why can't she ruin hers. Honestly i just want to go back to being normal couple, and all this stress is basically ruining me. What can i do to possibly make this better?

EDIT I need to go to work, but i will check and answer questions when i get back.

tl;dr: Wedding was ruined, which was a big deal to my wife. She seems constantly depressed what can i do?

This seems like a bit much for even a bad 90s romantic comedy.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 13:56

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

Take her up on her suggestion of getting divorced, but maybe don't get re-married.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:03

VictorianQueerLit: Aug 25, 2017

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [31M] and my wife [29F] had a the absolute biggest disaster of a wedding 3 months ago, and she won't let it go.

This seems like a bit much for even a bad 90s romantic comedy.

This isn't the first time someone has posted about people proposing during their Weddings. But while she was walking down the aisle? How many people do this?

Also I'm all for Wedding Revenge. Make it a show on TLC.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:10

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [31M] and my wife [29F] had a the absolute biggest disaster of a wedding 3 months ago, and she won't let it go.

quote:

she ruined her big day, why can't she ruin hers.

That's my question. I'd go all-in on that because seriously wtf is the matter with her sister and her idiot boyfriend?

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:22

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

VictorianQueerLit posted:

This isn't the first time someone has posted about people proposing during their Weddings. But while she was walking down the aisle? How many people do this?

Also I'm all for Wedding Revenge. Make it a show on TLC.

I missed that part, that's what I get for not reading carefully enough. Yeah, they should consider some sort of revenge.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:24

Shugojin: Sep 6, 2007; THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...

I figure that breaking contact is the only option so you might as well wait a bit and get a revenge

Just upstage her entirely

Spilled wine? Smack her with a wine bottle

Proposed in the aisle? Propose at "if anyone objects to this union"

Pulled fire alarm? Actually start a fire

In general just go full Kanye in the middle of their wedding

Shugojin fucked around with this message at 14:27 on Oct 4, 2017

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:25

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

Shugojin posted:

I figure that breaking contact is the only option so you might as well wait a bit and get a revenge

Just upstage her entirely

Spilled wine? Smack her with a wine bottle

Proposed in the aisle? Propose at "if anyone objects to this union"

Pulled fire alarm? Actually start a fire

In general just go full Kanye in the middle of their wedding

Ask the priest/official if it's ok to do a dual ceremony right before the exchanging of vows, and be sure to walk up to the front to do so.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:40

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

ArbitraryC posted:

Yeah I mean gift giving can be hard but imo it's better to try and fail than it is to us to give up. Like yeah I can think of stuff I've given or received that was considerate but still missed the mark, but like the idea/effort still feels nice and counts a long way.

absolutely. people need to learn to receive gifts w/ grace also. don't punish people for tryin.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:46

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Shugojin posted:

I figure that breaking contact is the only option so you might as well wait a bit and get a revenge

Just upstage her entirely

Spilled wine? Smack her with a wine bottle

Proposed in the aisle? Propose at "if anyone objects to this union"

Pulled fire alarm? Actually start a fire

In general just go full Kanye in the middle of their wedding

Show up in the wedding dress. If challenged, point to the wine stain and say "see? I didn't wear white."

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:48

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

Pick posted:

absolutely. people need to learn to receive gifts w/ grace also. don't punish people for tryin.

It surprises me that there are people who can't. It doesn't take that much effort to thank someone for the effort, even if it's the worst gift and you lack sincerity.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:51

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

This relationship is clearly going down in flames, so you might as well try to hit something when you crash. Go full Phantom of the Opera on it. Bring your drunkest, most senile relatives without warning. Start singing and don't stop.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:52

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Pick posted:

absolutely. people need to learn to receive gifts w/ grace also. don't punish people for tryin.

I pity people who can't genuinely enjoy getting free stuff, even if it's poo poo that you throw away and forget about five minutes later.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:53

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Straight White Shark posted:

Show up in the wedding dress. If challenged, point to the wine stain and say "see? I didn't wear white."

# ? Oct 4, 2017 15:03

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [31M] and my wife [29F] had a the absolute biggest disaster of a wedding 3 months ago, and she won't let it go.

This seems like a bit much for even a bad 90s romantic comedy.

Is an entire cruise really tied to an irreplaceable piece of paper? There isn't, like, some list of passengers the cruise line has?

# ? Oct 4, 2017 15:16

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Remember the story a few months back about the woman whose daughter got molested while visiting her rear end in a top hat dad's family? She's posted another update, and it's a happy ending...

[Update 2] [ME / CA] My teenage daughter was sexually assaulted while visiting her father for the summer.

quote:

Thought I'd post a quick update. My attorney spoke with my ex husband's attorney, and I don't know WHAT words were exchanged, but my ex agreed to the amended custody agreement, so she no longer has to see him. He made a big stink about how he's "not paying child support anymore", but I'm not very worried about it. I make enough that it's not really a concern, and I've lurked this sub enough to know that just because he doesn't have visitation, does not mean he gets out of paying child support. I'm a vindictive bitch so if he's late on a single payment I plan to pursue it as far as I can.

As far as the shitcock that assaulted my daughter, I know very little, other than it's an "ongoing investigation" but that they will contact me when more information is available. I'm pretty sure he's been arrested, as I received a -lovely- email from my ex-Mother in Law, rambling about how I'm destroying her grandson's life, blah blah blah. I really don't care. I've blocked her, and my daughter has all of them blocked, so as far as I'm concerned they can die in a fire at the bottom of a well.

My daughter is doing well. She's joined a "larp" group (sorry I don't know what it is, they play something like dungeons and dragons but in costumes with fake weapons?) and seems to be bouncing back well. Not having to deal with her father or his family anymore seems to have lifted a weight off her shoulders. She is seeing a therapist regularly, though, as I know from my own bouts of depression that just because you seem fine does not mean you are.

I wanted to extend my thanks to everyone in this sub for how supportive and kind you've been through what is a very difficult time for my family. It was very helpful to have people able to calmly and clearly explain what my options were and what to expect when I was too angry to think straight.

...OR IS IT?

dun dun dunnnnnnn

quote:

She's joined a "larp" group

# ? Oct 4, 2017 15:25

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

LARPing is an upgrade from being shipped off to be molested by rapey redneck trash every weekend, at the very least.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 15:39

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Shugojin posted:

Propose at "if anyone objects to this union"

quote:

She's joined a "larp" group

# ? Oct 4, 2017 15:41

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Wedding ruining sister deserves a Stone Cold Stunner followed by a Rock Bottom and maybe a Tombstone.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 15:49

Multilake: Dec 11, 2016; If you're in a jam, a crayon scrunched under your nose makes a good pretend moustache.

zakharov posted:

Wedding ruining sister deserves a Stone Cold Stunner followed by a Rock Bottom and maybe a Tombstone.

You could also skip the first two steps, start with the tombstone and see how it goes from there.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 16:00

mojo1701a: Oct 9, 2008; Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth

Or just wear your own white dress to her wedding, and pretend you didn't notice.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 16:01

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

If you talk about politics in here I am going to probate everyone except the most conservative posters so you better watch out you tedious liberal fuckers!!!

# ? Oct 4, 2017 16:02

Farg: Nov 19, 2013

barack "hussein" obamacare

# ? Oct 4, 2017 16:34

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

If you talk about politics in here I am going to probate everyone except the most conservative posters so you better watch out you tedious liberal fuckers!!!

You're the hero this thread deserves.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 16:35

Shugojin: Sep 6, 2007; THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...

Just Carrie the bride with red wine right as she gets to the altar, and then grab a ring out of the mess and propose

Okay I think I'm done thinking up ways to upstage the wedding ruiner's wedding ruination, but no promises

# ? Oct 4, 2017 16:54

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

My husband (34m) avoids rooms where I (27f) have messes.

quote:

I'm getting to my wits end with this. I will be the first person to admit that I am not the most organized person in the world. There are three areas that I struggle with:

1) Laundry. My clothing is hard for me to keep on top of. I usually have a "floordrobe" on my side of the bed.

2) Kitchen. I do not care or notice when there are a few dishes sitting out. I don't leave dishes around the house or anything gross like that, but sometimes if I'm rushed, I'll set my lunch dishes in the sink to deal with them later.

3) My office/desk. I operate under the theory of organized chaos. I know exactly where everything is on my desk but sometimes it does look crazy. And I do use my office as a "dumping ground" sometimes when I don't have time - I'll put stuff in there with the intention of putting it away or finding a place for it (admittedly, I sometimes don't get to doing that for months at a time, but I do eventually get to it).

Now, here's the thing. My husband, let's call him Steve (not his real name), gets upset with me and my mess. He has depression and anxiety and having clean, uncluttered surfaces makes him feel calmer at the house.

I 100% get that. And I also understand that when I don't take the time to prioritize cleaning, he internalizes that as me not loving or respecting him and that's super lovely of me.

I have worked very very hard at changing my habits because I love him and want him to feel loved, respected, and relaxed at home. I have bought bins for my clothes, and shelves for my office and started putting my dishes away and cleaning the kitchen frequently (I do the dishes after dinner most nights) and helping around the house more and more.

But sometimes I don't have the time to dedicate to cleaning unless I want my work to suffer and it's like a lose-lose situation. I feel like I can't be a human and I can't ever let something sit for more than five minutes or I get a snarky comment or an angry response.

Like today, my friend came by with some boxes for me to give to another friend. I had to go to work, so I set the boxes in my office (important to note - Steve has an entire dedicated closet in my office for his hobby and I don't use or put anything in or around that closet). When I got home today, Steve asked me if it would be helpful if he would move his hobby stuff out of the office closet and put it in the basement because he hates going into the office and seeing my "mess." That it makes him uncomfortable and he doesn't use his hobby stuff or go in the room much because my desk and the room makes him so upset to see.

Guys, it's literally one orderly stack of papers on my desk and the three boxes on the floor that will be gone in a few days when my friend comes to pick them up. And he's talking about moving his hobby stuff into an inaccessible part of the house over this? I'm so upset because I feel like I can't ever have anything sitting out without him reacting like this. And I'm also upset because I felt like I am in a really "clean" stage right now - all my laundry is picked up and put away, my desk has one stack of papers on it, and I had cleaned the kitchen up earlier today. And I explained that the boxes weren't staying.

I don't need more room because then my mess has room to expand to. If anything, I need LESS room so I don't fall back into my old habits of messiness (and I do still fall back into them sometimes).

I don't know what to do. Am I being ridiculous? Is he overreacting? How can we strike a compromise? I am trying really hard to change my habits and respect his need for an uncluttered habitat but I am not wired that way and I don't feel like he ever gives me any slack or gives me credit for the strides and effort that I have made and continue to make.

TL;DR My husband is upset and avoids rooms with my stuff in it because of my level of organization (despite me making changes and working towards being better). I feel like I don't get any slack or acknowledgment of what I do do.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 17:15

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

fruit on the bottom posted:

My husband (34m) avoids rooms where I (27f) have messes.

There are a lot of people who don't realize "clean" is something you do a little bit more or less constantly, not something you set aside a weekend every other month for. OP doesn't seem to get that lunch dishes can, in fact, be handled right then and should be. Kitchen poo poo is easy if you keep up with it, and I imagine the husband is annoyed with having to clean up her kitchen mess any time he needs to use the sink to clean his own lunch dishes.

He's probably also gotten very used to boxes that will "only be there for a few days" taking up residence for weeks.

Edit: also megaLoL at her thinking neatness and organization will make her work suffer.

TheScott2K fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Oct 4, 2017

# ? Oct 4, 2017 17:20

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# ? May 30, 2024 13:06

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

fruit on the bottom posted:

My husband (34m) avoids rooms where I (27f) have messes.

Buy a shed and have your husband live in it alone and uncluttered.

# ? Oct 4, 2017 17:21

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