quote:

For example he strictly prefers animes when they have at least one loli character in them and the more lolis there are the more likely it is that he'll watch it. He also often looks for anime loli fanart online and has quite a big collection of saved ones, some of which are also lewd. Often he even has lenghty discussions with his anime loving friends over which loli is the best one, which always ends with them calling the other lolis trash.

I'm not too familiar with this whole culture, I casually watch anime sometimes but that's it, so maybe I'm overreacting but I find this whole loli-passion of his quite a bit strange and also somewhat creepy. However I don't want him to think that I'm judgemental or anything.

tl;dr: Boyfriend is quite passionate about his anime lolis. Is this really weird or am I overreacting?

quote:

TBH I'm kinda done with this relationship but wanted to check if I'm out of line first.

I've been friends with Laura for like, fifteen years now. We went to hs, college together and now live in the same city, though in different parts. Basically, we were single for awhile together but after about a year of working my new job here, I met a boy and we fell in love. yesterday after 3 years of dating he asked me to marry him!!! I was so excited and so ofc I went to tell Laura right away, and so I texted her a pic of my hand with the ring and she sent back "that's cool. relationships are trash."

I was a bit taken aback tbh. She can DEF be rude, especially when someone else shares news that she doesn't have (like when I got my job she was still unemployed and told me that my job was a crappy temp one anyway (it wasnt temp at all), but when she got HER job we had to have a big party to celebrate "the start of her career!!"). Anyway Im thinking of sorta ghosting her after this. I dont have very many friends so for my best friend to kinda crap on a special day made me really angry and sad.

tl;dr: my best friend crapped on my special day and i want to fade out. am i out of line?

quote:

When she asks why she's not in the wedding party...."That's cool. Friendships are trash".

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [26F] with my best friend [27F] I just got engaged and wanted to share the news and all she said was "Relationships are trash."

quote:

Created this account to rant my family but now this happened and I need to get it off my chest. I'm not from the US, english is not my mother tongue and I'm on a cell phone at 3am. Be kind.

Back story: my mom died 16 years ago, left my dad, my brother and I. My dad remarried 2 years after that to my step mom (SM) and had a son (BB).

My dad had been married for 2 years when SM got a really good job offer in a city 2 hours away from us. They decided she'd take it, move away with BB and my dad would visit on the weekends. He told her specifically that he was staying for my brother and I, because I was entering university, brother was in HS and he "wanted to be there for us".

About 2 years go by and my dad has an affair. I "discover" it because I hear him sneak out every night at 1am and come back at 5 or 6am.

I am disgusted, dissapointed and so angry but I don't say anything. He's my only parent, I live in constant fear of losing him and I just want him to love me.

Then he not only sneaks out but goes on a trip with the woman. I know because when he comes back I snoop on his camera and find photos with her. She looks old.

Now I get really angry and start acting out on him, being snarky and mean, but I just can't bring myself up to say anything, it seems so horrible and I don't want to judge him or have to face the truth.

But then something even more horrible happens: his mistress sends my brother and I a letter, explaining how, why and when they fell in love, filled with cringy details and romantic, sexually charged "poetic language". She tells us she knows all about us and our dead mother, all about our SM who "isn't a very good wife", and our BB and how she doesn't want to hurt him. Tells us all about herself and her family (she's a grandma!!) And how she wants to talk to us like she would her children. I remember it and it makes me want to vomit, even now. I was 19 when I got that letter, still very immature and naive. It deeply messed me up.

A few months after that I start getting emails from a man who seems to be this woman's ex husband. He says he's sorry for her ruining my family and starts telling me poo poo about her. I felt like I was in the middle of a bad soap opera!!!

I can't take it anymore, I'm emotionally drained so I confront my dad and tell him I hate that he did this to me (he gave her our email adresses and started the whole mess). I tell him I knew all along but didn't want to be involved with his affair or judge him and now I'm in the middle of it, learning things I shouldn't be exposed to. But mostly I tell him how hurt and dissapointed I am that he never stopped to think how this would affect me not only as his daughter, but as a woman.

I honestly can't remember what he told me, he probably apologised.

What I do remember very well is the hell that followed when my SM found out. Our already disfunctional family changed forever. The fights were horrible, constant and lasted for years after that, they were always on the brink of divorce. My SM went as far as to involve my brother and I in the fights and insult us horribly. My BB was deeply affected by all this, it scarred him. How they are still together baffles me, but at least I get to see my BB.

So yeah, it's been 10 years since the affair. I don't know how it ended. I tried to repress those memories and forget that loving woman ever existed. Until a few weeks ago.

I was at a school where I work at every two months taking photographs of the students and this new, unknown-to-me teacher comes up to me and straight up calls me by my name. I've never seen her before that day but something tells me I know her. I'm polite to her as I am with all the teachers I meet, but....... she's so familiar......no....it can't be her. She has the same name....but...no...that woman didn't even live here! she was from abroad!

I can't get her out of my head so I go home and search for that old email on my hotmail account. I know I saved it in case someone ever tried to gaslight me.

And yes, she is. She is my dad's mistress. I facebook her to confirm it. She is!

That witch remembered me, came up to me like we have been friends for years, called me by my name like it's nothing and chated me up. Now she lives in my city (like I said, she lived abroad when the affair happened) and works at a school I work at regularly!

I am at a loss for words. I don't know what to do. I don't ever want to be near her again but I work there and it's been ten years but she's a loving witch!! ....sigh....sorry, for the long rear end rant.

Should I do something? What?

Tldr: 10 years after my dad had a devastating affair I met his mistress again at a school I work at regularly, will probably see her again soon. Should I do something?

Shugojin posted:

Also the public image of of pedophiles, child molesters, and rapists remains, despite loads of evidence, some creepy guy you've never seen before, instead of the creepy you live with

quote:

I'm a 24 year old female dating a 29 year old male. We've known eachother 7 years, but have been dating about half a year. We met when I was younger than 18, that's relevant to later.

The relationship is amazing. It's the most healthy relationship i've ever been in. As an asexual, it's really rare for me to find someone that i'm okay having sex with, even if I don't feel the 'need' to do it. I can take it or leave it. He's super respectful of me, he loves me, and I love him. We're super supportive and I can't stress enough that I sincerely think that my best friend could legit be my partner for the rest of my life. He says we have the potential to just... be awesome together for the rest of our lives.

This weekend we were away for a Renaissance festival. We don't have sex often because he's going through a custody case to get full custody of his daughter (9yo) and it's been stressing him. He came clean this weekend and told me that it's actually because he isn't attracted to me. It was a worry for him when we started dating, but he wanted to try and 'fix' it organically. He could tell I knew something was up though so he wanted to tell me so we could work through it together. We don't have relations often but even then, it's easy to tell if we can even make it happen.

He is honestly okay giving up having any sort of intimate relations because he says what I give him in this honest, whole relationship is so much more than the gratification from sex. And i'm asexual so I don't really mind if we don't have it. But i'm hurt that it took a few months to tell me, but I can only imagine how hard it is to tell the person you love that you aren't attracted to them. He was terrified to tell me because he's afraid i'm going to leave him.

Are there relationships out there that work without physical attraction? I think he's handsome and love a lot about him. He feels terrible and keeps admitting that his tastes are incredibly shallow and "unrealistic" and he's working on trying to see things he might not see as attractive now as attractive. I have short hair, small breasts, etc. I dress pretty casual. He doesn't want me to change, even though i'd be willing to throw in an outfit he'd like occasionally just day to day living. I'm scared he'll get bored with me in 20 years, even if him having no interest in my looks isn't an issue now.

We met 7 years ago, when I was younger. He's seen me in bellydancing outfits when I was 16/17ish and found me attractive then, but that's because he said he's shallow but trying to fix. All his previous relationships were based on looks alone and he is really trying to fix it because he's found someone he loves no matter what. He keeps putting emphasis on "I may not find you beautiful now, but that doesn't mean I won't later." He says his upbringing was super linear and Christian with no mother surrounded by boys. He's slowly branching out.

I don't care about sex, which is why I didn't post it there. I just want this relationship to work and i'm terrified. Yes, my self confidence is absolutely shattered currently but I need some widened perspective. Our roommates went through the same thing apparently, with the husband 'shifting his tastes' until he realized that he was floored he hadn't found her attractive before. He said it had a lot to do with upbringing too. I'm just nervous and scared. How have you seen relationships based on no physical attraction work?

tl;dr: Boyfriend loves me, is willing to give up sex if necessary, but isn't sexually or visually attracted to me in the slightest. I don't need sex, but am scared he'll leave later on.

EDIT: grammar stuff. upset typing.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [26F] with my best friend [27F] I just got engaged and wanted to share the news and all she said was "Relationships are trash."

La Brea Carpet posted:

Count the red flags!

My BF [29M] is not attracted to me [24F] but wants to keep dating


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAMiTfSU7ZA&t=64s

Mirthless posted:

Jesus loving christ you rear end in a top hat just jack off, get a fleshlight if that isn't doing it for you anymore

I can understand where people are coming from with these convoluted "give me an excuse to cheat" posts when it's a dead bedroom/"clearly not in love anymore" kind of situation but holy poo poo what an rear end in a top hat

You're not going to "go crazy" because you couldn't use your dick for a while and you're certainly not going to help your wife recover any faster by cheating on her you prick

Mirthless posted:

this lady has some issues with self worth and jealousy but also her SO is very clearly loving his cousins or at least trying to


commoditization of women

Mirthless posted:

i...

i really hate to say this

but maybe they should open their relationship

quote:

We want to keep this as a strictly monogamous relationship. He does not believe in poly or open relationships and I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. We do everything but sex. There is still kissing and other physically intimate things, just not as intimate as sex. I would honestly not be okay because i'd always want something 'more'. He wants to provide that more, he says it'll just take some time. I don't feel forced, and he doesn't feel forced. He wants to fix this because he wants to fix it, not just for me. I was worried he wanted to change just for me but he said he's had these 'shallow' feelings long enough. People shouldn't have to starve themselves to be attractive, to meet his flawed standards etc.

Khorne posted:

His wife is well enough to go to the gym. I might have missed the part of the post where he said or alluded to what was wrong. I'm on board with jacking off, don't get me wrong, but a lot of these posts are like "my significant other has no interest in me even touching my own dick around them". At that point, just break up.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Fantastic Flyer posted:

A red flag singularity

Bertrand Hustle posted:

If anime dad isn't already molesting the kid, he is, at the very loving least, grooming her. I promise you he's the one who introduced her to the pedo anime to try and normalize the sexualization of children in her mind.

Mirthless posted:

"I don't like having sex at all but it's really important to me that my partner doesn't gently caress anyone else" is the most bizarre paradox and it seems to be universal among people who say they're asexual who come through /r/relationships

if you're not interested in sex, what difference does it make? these seem like they'd be the only kinds of one-sided open relationships that would have a prayer of working but they're never interested in going that route

i know this post doesn't really line up with my last one but asexuality is something i think you would expect to be permanent, if it's never going to change you need to find some way to make your relationship one that works and begrudgingly consenting to be screwed every once in awhile is not an adequate solution. Maybe his lack of attraction has something to do with that?

quote:

He's not demonizing sex. He likes it, he just has difficulties performing sex with me because he isn't attracted to me. If we can get the penis in, it's fine. But in the time he got hard I wasn't ready (ladies take a few minutes longer) and he lost the erection. He isn't demonizing it and I have an IUD and have taken birth control before. I think he's just trying to tell me that he isn't putting as big of a weight on sex as I think he is. He's doing whatever he can to reassure me that everything is more okay than I think it is.

He says he'd be okay without it if there's nothing that he can find attractive/keep failing at having sex, but he's working on seeing things in a different light than his religious upbringing/past values on relationships and partners in general. I'm sorry I gave you the impression he demonizes it.

He likes it, but says it's not near the top of the priorities which is why this isn't a big deal.

I just figured it would be a big deal, given that he's sexual and i'm asexual. I will totally have sex with him no worries. But for him to give it up, it goes against every failed crush i've had who wouldn't be okay with a possibly altered sex life. The only issue is he isn't super attracted to me which causes him to have difficulties having sex.

quote:

I offered to change my look occasionally, wearing something he'd find attractive. I offered and he seemed horrified, he said he doesn't want me to change anything and that this was his problem and that i'm amazing/perfect just the way I am.

Not much has changed with my body. Just normal filling out. I'm average weight/height for women. I'm not fat, i'm not super skinny. But he said he was taught to find super skinny attractive. Kinda like Gareth in Galavant. (one of these days we'll look back on this and laugh) I do work out twice a week with a trainer and have a very active job (I walk a LOT). He comes with me to the gym. (Note, he is overweight so it's good we're taking healthy steps together. I'm in better shape than him.)

As mentioned, I offered to change up my style occasionally for him but he doesn't want that.

Nah, could never belly dance but it was a cute outfit so I wore it to the festival.

I don't think these things would make me unhappy, I just need more confidence. Had he not told me and we went shopping it would've been fine and I could've worn the stuff, like sexy clothing for him in the bedroom. Now though... I don't think I have the confidence to do this tonight. Maybe in a month, but tonight or short term would be rough.

The unpredictability is hard. There's no real way of knowing until we actually get to the future. I can really only just trust him and hope that he continues to be honest. I am willing to change up some of my wardrobe or wear something that he likes in the bedroom, he just doesn't want that... yet, I guess.

La Brea Carpet posted:

quote:

Ya'll, I'm going stir-crazy here, my husband has narrowed his diet to ONE FOOD (yes you read that right) and it's making our daily life so difficult and frustrating. The food is Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. I'm afraid you read that right too. Breakfast is a microwave cup of it, lunch and dinner are the boxes.

You can see how this would cause issues! Eating out? Nope! Snacks while hanging with friends? Embarrassing. Dinner with my family? Off the table unless he brings a box of the stuff and fixes it for himself while everyone else eats a normal meal. We eat Sunday dinner with his family and they put up with it, Lord knows how but he's the youngest and was always a tad spoiled.

Those are just the social problems, there's also the nagging issue of his health. He goes to the gym and has for years, so he does exercise and is a healthy weight. That doesn't mean his body is getting the nutrients it needs. If he keeps this up I'm terrified he's going to do permanent damage soon.

All right, now that I've ranted a bit, let me back up and just explain how this started: we been together 10 yrs total and married 3. He used to have a few things he preferred to stick with as his favorite foods (pretty normal I think) but he ate other things too sometimes. Now somehow over the past couple years, he's phased everything out gradually. Now only Kraft Mac & Cheese remains. I'd say nothing but that has passed his lips that I know of since Summer 2016. I think back to that time and don't remember anything happening that could have caused it. No family problems, no money or work problems, no health problems, no significant life changes. Neither has he drastically changed anything else in his habits. His exercise routine is the same, so is his sleep and hygiene.

So naturally, I've asked why. I've made meals he used to enjoy. I've calmly expressed my feelings of how much I love him and why it worries me. I've also begged, yelled and cried, the whole nine yards. He gets upset in response to all of it, and has told me many times: "I'm a grown man and I can eat what I want. So what? It's my favorite food, it's cheap, and I don't force you to eat it." This is his argument everytime. I get no explanation for the change except that he just decided since he's able to eat what he wants, he will only eat his favorite thing. I got no problem with it being his favorite thing. I got a problem with it being ALL HE EATS! It isn't healthy! He said his doc says he's perfectly healthy. I can't believe that.

Maybe the worst thing about this to me is we want kiddos in the next couple years. I cannot imagine raising a child with a father who only eats one thing and a junky thing at that. By the time they're 3 that's all they'll want to eat too, and "Daddy does it so why can't I!" Nightmare!! Not happening!

The way I see it is, if he doesn't change his diet we don't get children. That breaks my heart. If he doesn't change his diet I could very well lose him long before it should be his time. Writing this makes the social embarrassment problems seem petty in comparison.

What do I do??? How can I get through to him that this is a real problem, not me picking on him or being dramatic?

tl;dr My hubby eats nothing but Kraft Mac & Cheese. I'm extremely worried about what this means for his health and our plans to have children. He says he does this because it's just his favorite food and insists I'm making a big deal out of nothing. How to make him see my concern??

La Brea Carpet posted:

"Now only Kraft Mac & Cheese remains."

Tiny Bug Child posted:

My [35 F] daughter [12 F] wants to wear an anime-themed Halloween costume. My husband [40 M] and I disagree on if it's appropriate or not.Non-Romantic

Mirthless posted:

"I don't like having sex at all but it's really important to me that my partner doesn't gently caress anyone else" is the most bizarre paradox and it seems to be universal among people who say they're asexual who come through /r/relationships

boner confessor posted:

god i hope this one is fake because the op is in denial about the obvious grooming going on here

Fantastic Flyer posted:

Perhaps the most chilling combination of words in the English language

La Brea Carpet posted:

Frustrated with my [29 F] husband [31 M] of a 3 years who will only eat one food.


Food. Weirds.

Sentient Data posted:

From what I've seen, [most?] asexuals don't not want sex, they're just afraid of it. They're like those high school girls that are obsessed over yaoi as a 'safe' sexual outlet, only they never grew out of it and they're even more mentally regressed thanks to terrible sex ed and fear-mongering parents/peers

boner confessor posted:

god i hope this one is fake because the op is in denial about the obvious grooming going on here

ArbitraryC posted:

Are the reddit comments pointing it out at least?

Tiny Bug Child posted:

My [35 F] daughter [12 F] wants to wear an anime-themed Halloween costume. My husband [40 M] and I disagree on if it's appropriate or not.Non-Romantic

ArbitraryC posted:

Are the reddit comments pointing it out at least?

OP, in response to description of pedophilia-related fandom of show posted:

Just to be clear, the show is only about a girl and her relationship with her brother, not her father, right?

commenter posted:

No, not her father. That doesn't make it any less concerning that your husband showed this to her and is defending it, though.

OP posted:

Well, at least it could be worse.

commenter posted:

It could be worse? This is going to come across as harsh but you need to wake up. The situation is currently--and that's just with the basic info you've posted so far--that you're married to a man with sexist views who showed his pre-teen daughter an anime which was specifically made to sexualize a child character who draws erotic pictures and experiences "personal growth" by exploring relationships with older characters. When confronted, he lied to you and said it was a heartwarming story of a young girl's emotional development.

What your husband did is already concerning, and as some people have pointed out, may even be grooming behavior. "It could be worse"? It might already be.

OP posted:

I don't think my husband is sexist. And I haven't seen the anime yet so I can't say for sure but I think its interpretation is matter of opinion.

I don't want to dismiss anybody's concerns, but I know my husband, and him grooming my daughter is the furthest thing from my mind. She's been daddy's little girl since she was 4. She hangs on him like an ornament. If there was anything creepy about it, I'd know.

quote:

We broke up about a month ago. He said he just feels like we don't fit together. I don't understand what that means. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. So, after much self-deliberation, I've realized I lost a really good guy. I ruined a really good thing. To clarify, there was no cheating. I was going through an emotional summer with family problems and I was a complete mess. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. But I'm slowly starting to regain who I am back. I'm back to doing things that I love again.

So, after much Dino pun research, I've collaborated the best Dino puns to try to win my ex back:

"It's been a while since I 'saur you. I'm sorry I was pteroble. I just wanted to tell you that you make my heart saur...& I think you're Dino-mite! I miss it when you Raptor arms around me. I promise not to be a whinosaurus anymore. My friends told me, "Check yo’self before you rex yo’self!" So, You're probably wondering..."Can she do it?"....You bet Jurassican! Jurassic times call for Jurassic measures. Please don't make my heart saur anymore. I still really dig you. So, can we try-ceratops again?"

*Unfortunately, it didn't work. =(

TL;DR Was it not clever? Has anyone ever tried anything to win their ex back and it worked? Or am I fool for trying? I hope this at least makes some people smile.

quote:

So my roommate is a baroque elitist, he claims that Bach and Händel are the greatest composers to have ever lived, and calls everything that came later (classical, romantic, etc.) trash.

A composer he especially hates is Mozart who happens to be my favorite, so whenever I'm playing one of his sonatas on my piano he will later complain to me how I played Mozart again and why I can't play real music like Bach's Goldberg Variations, or if they are too difficult for me (they are not, I'm just not particularly fond of polyphonic music).

I've tried to explain Mozart's music to him countless times, how he was an extraordinary composer who understood how no other how to craft perfect melody lines and also the beauty of the classical Alberti bass. But he won't listen, calls Alberti bass boring and uninspired and usually makes some joke how Mozart died too late rather than too early (and I know perfectly well that he stole that line from his idol Glenn Gould).
Sometimes he even does passive aggressive stuff like hiding my Mozart sonatas sheet music and replacing it with sheet music for the Well-Tempered Clavier.

I've tried adressing it before but he usually tries to shut me down quickly and says something like that I'd thank him later in life once I've realized how mistaken I was about Mozart and classical music in general.

So what can I do about this? His hostile attitude towards my favorite composer slowly starts to negatively influence our relationship as roommates.

tl;dr: Roommate constantly talks poo poo about my favorite composer Mozart. What can I do to make him shut up about it?

Melchiresa posted:

Ok, which one of you did this

My [25M] roommate [26M] constantly talks poo poo about my favorite composer Mozart


The comment section is

Melchiresa posted:

The comment section is

The Letter A posted:

quote:

I don't want to dismiss anybody's concerns, but I know my husband, and him grooming my daughter is the furthest thing from my mind. She's been daddy's little girl since she was 4. She hangs on him like an ornament. If there was anything creepy about it, I'd know.

Well, problem solved then i guess

Mirthless posted:

god damnit