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Pastry of the Year posted:Pastry of the Year sighs as he clicks Reply Small changee - Post Your Favorite (or Request): Coldly Compiled Lists › shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TIFU: I decide to jizz
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# ? Oct 22, 2017 12:28 |
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# ? May 13, 2024 07:00 |
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I really don't want to know how "TIFU by letting my daughter hold my grocery list" involves jizz.
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# ? Oct 22, 2017 14:54 |
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Besesoth posted:I really don't want to know how "TIFU by letting my daughter hold my grocery list" involves jizz. quote:My daughter has been reading for a good long while. She's a bright and articulate kid, and reading came naturally to her at a very early age. I'd like to take credit for that poo poo, but I can't.
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# ? Oct 22, 2017 15:53 |
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I canmot parse any of that
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# ? Oct 22, 2017 15:57 |
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That's the most contrived "my kid said a bad word" stories I've ever seen. The leaving her unsupervised and far away part was stupid enough, but nobody calls coffee creamer "coffee jizz". People always come up with these wacky "wouldn't it be funny if I/someone said ____" without bothering to stop and think whether it's something a real person would ever do.
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# ? Oct 22, 2017 16:00 |
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Furia posted:I canmot parse any of that 'i call coffee-mate coffee jizz and wrote it down on my grocery list and my daughter read it and asked loudly in the store if i was getting the coffee jizz'
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# ? Oct 22, 2017 16:03 |
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Also here's two paragraphs of me contemplating melons. GET IT??"
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# ? Oct 22, 2017 16:06 |
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It's sad that the sexiest thing that woman does is go to the grocery store.
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# ? Oct 22, 2017 16:50 |
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Zipperelli. posted:This isn't incorrect, but it's a dishonest framing of the at-will law in the U.S. What is dishonest is pretending any of those exceptions actually matter for the vast majority of US employees. A termination in violation of public policy is very narrowly constructed even in states that recognize it. And you're dreaming if you think any employee can successfully invoke a breach of implied contract/covenant: employee manuals and acknowledgment forms that specifically make clear employment is at-will and no employment contract has been created are the norm. (What that specifically means is that no contract protecting the employee from being terminated save for good cause exists, as well as that an employee can still be fired even if the termination policies in the manual aren't followed.) Content:
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 03:00 |
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I get the feeling that last one is one of those dr who/tea-aboo types who puts on a fake accent and this is their fantasy of people being fooled by it. Either that, or a socially crippled british guy who doesn't know how to say "i have to go, sorry".
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 04:12 |
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Whenever someone freaks out about vaccines causing autism they're basically saying they would rather their kid be dead of smallpox than have autism so
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 04:14 |
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I know, I know, they don't prefer dead kids to autism kids, they just think dead kids won't happen because they're idiots Never ascribe to malice what is better explained by idiocy etc.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 04:24 |
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Lol at anyone that doesn’t want an autistic kid http://www.wired.co.uk/article/autism-ancestors-evolution
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 04:40 |
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Gather ye round, and I'll tell you a talequote:Hello hello! How is everyone doin' tonight? Long time lurker, first time poster here! I've been around for a while seeing all these stories about their run-ins with the caloric catastrophes of mankind and thought I'd give my story as well! Wanted to share something that had happened to me a month back on the subway while going home from school (no car, school is far and gas is $$$).
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 05:07 |
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Why do all of those stories feature the same kinds of lovely dialog that makes them instantly identifiable as bullshit?
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 05:10 |
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there's an entire rich universe of untapped STDH, my friendsquote:My birthday was a big deal to me. Like most women, I don’t have a birthday DAY, I have a birthday month. Turning 18 was especially important to me because after this, I would be joining the Coast Guard. I worked out extra hard to make sure I was in good enough shape for boot camp. During this, my parents planned a birthday party extravaganza. I and my friend Soccer Babe had birthdays a week apart and we usually celebrated them together. This year, we were going to go all out and do a massive formal dance at a hotel for our 18th birthdays and invite half of the school. I was even more excited to invite my crush because maybe then I could finally woo him to have my first summer romance. Thursday Next has a new favorite as of 05:19 on Oct 23, 2017 |
# ? Oct 23, 2017 05:15 |
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literally every post is prime STDHquote:Cast:
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 05:17 |
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jesus christ they're all written with the most insufferable tonequote:My parents became godparents to their friend's (who we'll call L) little 7y/o girl last August when she was baptized. As usual, L had planned a huge party after the baptizing. so I said in fluent Bohemian "Sir, your corpulence is downright elephantine"
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 05:21 |
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I can't anymore. It's r/fatpeoplestories and it is the biggest source of STDH written in this insufferable twee way.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 05:23 |
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I had an stdh, but actually did happen, yesterday. There was a vegan food fair at my community centre, so I thought I would check it out. The place was super busy with hundreds of people crammed into this hall going around to different tables in a clockwise direction to get their food, the line was really slow. One of the organisers makes an announcement for people not waiting for a specific table to keep moving around until their table, so a lot of people started moving. I was at one of the tables towards the end, and a woman stepped up to it next to me to place an order. A couple next to her suddenly got really indignant about her cutting in line (despite the announcement and the fact that there was no official line at any of the tables), and saying stuff like 'Some people have no respect! Everyone has been waiting so long! You'll get your karma!' and yelled 'Don't serve her, don't serve her!' at the people preparing the dishes. They would not let up on this woman. This is where it sounds stdh: I basically had to stand between the couple and this lady so that they would leave her alone, but they were still yelling around me. As opposed to the usual 'and everyone clapped and applauded my selflessness and wisdom' stdh ending, the reality was everyone involved was really lovely and grumpy afterwards, and I left the line because the whole experience was really lovely and the organisation was poor and I paid a premium for what was essentially a chinese takeaway and I wish I hadn't gone.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 05:48 |
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I hate 'let's call them L' or whatever. You don't need to say you're calling them something. Just use a name. Make one up. You don't have to say you're making it up, it didn't happen and even if it did nobody else knows anyone involved.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 06:04 |
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What’s about the classic “Let’s call him Pete because that’s his name “
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 06:06 |
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I forgot people did that and tbqh would have preferred to keep it that way
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 06:08 |
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Thursday Next posted:there's an entire rich universe of untapped STDH, my friends The most delusional part of this story is that she thought it sounded even remotely believable up to that point.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 06:19 |
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Thursday Next posted:I can't anymore. It's r/fatpeoplestories and it is the biggest source of STDH written in this insufferable twee way. I thought that subreddit got banned and sent to voat for being awful?
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 06:35 |
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What is... fat logic?
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 06:44 |
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Also OP's measurements from the first one put him firmly in the obese category, though I'm sure it's all muscle E: I mean either way he's an rear end in a top hat making fun of fat people but don't make fun of fat people if you too are fat people CROWS EVERYWHERE has a new favorite as of 07:25 on Oct 23, 2017 |
# ? Oct 23, 2017 07:22 |
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kimbo305 posted:What is... fat logic? Believe me, you really don't want to know.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 07:25 |
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Thursday Next posted:Hello hello! How is everyone doin' tonight? Long time lurker, first time poster here! I've been around for a while seeing all these stories about their run-ins with the caloric catastrophes of mankind and thought I'd give my story as well! Wanted to share something that had happened to me a month back on the subway while going home from school (no car, school is far and gas is $$$). How self-conscious do you have to be to make excuses for taking the subway?
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 07:41 |
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Seventh Arrow posted:How self-conscious do you have to be to make excuses for taking the subway? You see in America, outside of a few major cities, all public transportation is for poors and homeless people. No upstanding citizen would step on a city bus or train unless they were destitute.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 07:52 |
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CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:Also OP's measurements from the first one put him firmly in the obese category, though I'm sure it's all muscle Wait. I thought the only people allowed to make fun of fat people IS fat people... (Says the chunky guy in the corner)
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 07:54 |
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Seventh Arrow posted:How self-conscious do you have to be to make excuses for taking the subway? Because otherwise people might think he's taking the subway because he's too fat to walk 1km People in r/fatpeoplehate love attacking their own, so posters mentioning they're at the doctor's, in a wheelchair, taking public transport, have diabetes, etc always go to great lengths to point out they're doing it for real reasons, not fat reasons. Iirc the infighting was one of the reasons it was able to get booted off to voat, unless it's back now.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 07:58 |
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Fat logic is : Fat people dumb and entitled hurr hurr hurr. The reddit writing style is the worst loving thing it makes me so mad. It's written in such a desperate attempt to be clever and just oozes smugness.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 08:07 |
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Fathis Munk posted:Fat logic is : Fat people dumb and entitled hurr hurr hurr. Also as verbosity is the essence of wit they're all 2000 word long manifestos
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 08:16 |
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Because I just just couldn't resist finding out the fate of Pool Ham:quote:Welcome back, my human with the rustled jimmies. I hope there was enough justice dished out on other people’s stories to allow you for some soothing…for the time being. This will be the ending of The Pool Ham Saga, so I want to thank all of you for commenting, reading and sticking with me till the end. Now, onto the soothing of the sweet, sweet jimmies! It would be really cool if you could be…
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 09:03 |
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 09:13 |
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This is so loving insufferable aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 09:59 |
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I tried to read it but my thumb kept scrolling and wouldn’t let me
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 10:12 |
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It's cool when they come up with such clever names like pool ham and defender of the caloric cosmos and adds a lot of value to the story
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 10:15 |
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# ? May 13, 2024 07:00 |
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Also her post is full of hateful garbage but she still censors the insults thrown at herquote:called us such names as C-U-Next-Tuesday and female dogs
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# ? Oct 23, 2017 12:10 |