maskenfreiheit posted:

Do you have a source for that?


It's not clear the kids shared, just she wasn't given a "heads up" that it was occuring.

Again, we are seeing a small slice in time. Her post reeks of entitlement and I can totally picture him, tired of her meltdowns over partner related issues, scale back to the bare minimum of contact legally required.

maskenfreiheit posted:

My boyfriend (28M) of four years liked an "explicit" photo on FB and I (26F) am pissed.Relationships (self.relationships)

HoAssHo posted:

She says in the comments he was abusive, so maybe she's not the one with the problem. Idk.

maskenfreiheit posted:

It's not clear the kids shared, just she wasn't given a "heads up" that it was occuring

quote:

he doesn’t think that I deserve to hear this information from him instead of the kids

Haifisch posted:

Of course he's an engineer.

Blade Runner posted:

I would feel extremely outraged if I had a girlfriend this loving stupid and crazy, OP, hope that helps

HoAssHo posted:

She says in the comments he was abusive, so maybe she's not the one with the problem. Idk.

quote:

Okay so first of all I will be giving you some background info; I met Grace in January of 2016. We quickly started seeing each other and everything seemed great. Fast forward till now, we've had our ups and downs and even had a break for 2 months.

After the break we quickly started living together and spending all of our time together and it really felt different this time! Unfortunately for us the college Grace was accepted into was in another city 2 hours away.

In august we started having a LDR and it was hard. Problems started to appear and we definitely had a rough time. Last week we both had a break from school so she was here spending time with me and her family. We had a really good time and loved being around eachother until this weekend.

Saturday we went to her apartment to spend some time there. We decided to go out and grab a few beers and it was really fun just the two of us. We had never done that before so I really enjoyed it. A friend of mine had texted me earlier and told me that they were on the way to the same city to party. I had told Grace about this and we agreed to meet up with them for a few beers.

After we had been at the same place for a couple of hours my friend called and I could hear he was pretty drunk. I asked them if they could come to us and he said yes. I told Grace and she said she was looking forward to it. A few minutes later my friend texted me that the others wanted to go to another place and if we would meet them there insted?

I asked Grace about this and she told me that she did not want to go there and she took her things and left. I just called my friend and told me that it was only that would come. Met up with him and Grace called me crying and told me that I was mean and why I didn't follow her. I had one beer and went home. On the way home I called Grace the entire time but no answer. This was 1-1,5 hours after she had left. And when I got to her apartment and tried the buzzer she still wouldn't answer. I had to crawl up to her balcony to knock on her window.

Luckily that got her attention but unfortunately she just told me that I was not coming in. This was in a strange city for me and 2 hours and 20 minutes from home. She knew that.

She picked up the phone and told me that this was payback because I didn't follow her when she had left. And I asked if I could get my stuff so I could find somewhere else but she told me no. I had to pay her the money she had used on a cab home before I would get any of my stuff.

I was locked out for over an hour before she opened the door and I immediately just packed my stuff and left for the trainstation. Waited 3,5 hours for the train and 5 minutes before the train left Grace texted me and asked me to come home to her so we could talk. I told her no and entered the train.

Yesterday evening she texted me and apologized, told me she was sorry and hoped I could forgive her. And I really don't know. It was so humiliating being locked outside with nowhere. I really don't know what to do what do you think?

tl;dr: Was out with GF to grab a few beers. Agreed to meet with a friend but she changed her mind and left. Met up with him anyway and was home 1,5 hours after her. She locked me out and gave me the silent treatment. Finally got my stuff and left for the trainstation. Waited 3,5 hours. She texted me yesterday apologizing. Don't know if I can.

Xun posted:

I [24M] think I have to break up with my GF [21F]. She locked me out and told me I had to give her money to get my stuff back.

quote:

I have a phobia of balloons. I know this is silly but it doesn't really affect me day to day. My husband is usually kind and considerate but he has decided that on this, he knows best and he's determined to get me over it.

To date this has involved: tricking me into watching video clips of balloons popping, filling my car with them and trying to force me to touch one in public in front of the kids. I was so uncomfortable and tried to turn it into a joke. He got angry and popped it even though I begged him not to, just to prove there was nothing to fear. It totally ruined our only day out as a family. He works long hours and we rarely get time together. I get the idea behind exposure therapy but I don't feel like a day out with our kids is the place to do it.

He said that I'm going to ruin them by showing fear. Both kids know it's silly and neither have any weird fears. He wanted to know what I would do if I had to take the kids to the circus or a billion other hypothetical places. I don't avoid places with balloons, I just don't like to touch them!

We have a pretty old fashioned marriage. I'm a SAHM and he works his rear end off 70+ hours a week in the medical field. He comes from money and he's way more educated than me so he can get patronizing. This is definitely one of those things he's gotten patronizing about.

I would be angrier if he were trying to scare me for the fun of it but he's genuinely concerned. He will ask how he can help me right after scaring the living poo poo out of me. "I'm only trying to help" is what he says, or "When you are over this you will thank me." How do I tell him "I don't want help, just stop scaring me all the time" and get him to listen? He's actually making it noticeably worse.

TLDR; husband is trying to get me over my phobia by force, how do I tell him to back off?

quote:

[–]rthrouw1234 34 points 1 month ago

oh agreed. I'm just trying to get confirmation because this has "MD god complex" written all over it. I bet he's a surgeon and has exactly 0 hours training in phobias.

[–]IntrudingAlligator [S] 19 points 1 month ago

Hahaha it's that obvious isn't it

maskenfreiheit posted:

Do you have a source for that?

maskenfreiheit posted:

so he's "abusive" but has custody, and has requested she only communicate in writing. that paints a picture...

quote:

I stayed because I felt I didn't know him well enough yet to walk away. Now it seems this is as deep as it was ever going to be. I am a parent to him and my daughter, nobody to lean on or talk to but myself. He won't understand how much I have done and neither can I hold it over him because he has 'A S' so will never really understand.

In one way I have had to become the social butterfly talking to everyone, had to build my own network of friends in order to have a 'normal social life'. Luckily I also found dear friends drom 30 years ago, so occasional outings help me. I have tried, bringing one or two of them over and it seemed ok, the last time he ignored them, put on his pajamas and went to bed.I resented having to do it alone,as I wanted it to be both of us, men show interest, seeing me alone in a circle of friends, again I feel deep anger and resentment, because I am married, my husband is who I want to be there, not anyone else, but he isn't so I put on a brave face but hurt inside from loneliness.

I have done everything, burying myself in hobbies long and short term, take classes, garden around the house,learning DIY, redid my floors and tile and kitchen . Planned project to fill the void of loneliness. He would go to sleep from early in the evening or sleep most of the weekend with no desire or interest. My dad is very old school and just assumed he is lazy and said he was worried about our future. No eye to eye contact. In the last 2 years, Yes he has left me, on vacation,twice, got up from the dinner table and never returned.Left me at my best friend's wedding,at family gatherings, shutdown,wanted to be left alone, answers rudely nothing is wrong, and proceeds to go into the bedroom, refuses to come out for din

quote:

I can't believe that I just found this site. I have read nearly all the posts -- twice. I've been married to my husband for 26 years. I knew from the beginning that he was quirky, but he was able to "hide" his AS behaviors until we had kids. Then the flood gates opened. Like many who have written before me, I diagnosed my husband myself (when I read a book by Temple Grandin.) It wasn't an "AHA" moment, it was a "HOLY poo poo" moment. Soon thereafter, I had a complete emotional collapse. For the last 12 years, I have been taking Paxil and Ativan for my anxiety. Between absorbing all of his anxiety, anger, rage, and depression, raising my kids by myself, and coming to terms with this realization that he has AS, I lost it. However, as he gets older, the AS traits are getting worse. The comments about difficulties with intimacy have made me cry. I'm a passionate person who loves to touch and be touched. I call our bed the "desert". There's NO touching unless he remembers to have sex, and then it's very mechanical and strictly to satisfy him. Like someone said earlier, I have sex so he's nicer to me for a day. My kids are young adults and lately my heart aches because I know we have not modeled a normal, healthy marriage. I have killed myself to make sure that they understand what normal is, even if they have never seen it from us. This makes me so sad. I am not a needy person, rather I'm independent, generally upbeat, self-sufficient and type A. But, I'm exhausted and done. In recent years, I have touched on the subject of AS with my husband. (His mother, nephew and niece are textbook cases.) He has sought counseling, but it only lasts a few weeks. I have told him on numerous occasions that I'm unhappy, I've asked him many times why he hates me. At age 54, it's not okay that this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. Even sadder, my kids would totally understand if I left.

Whitlam posted:

Other source: had divorced parents,

quote:

We have been dating for 4 years and moved in together shortly after we got engaged half year ago. I love her very much and think we are highly compatible in lots of aspects.

She got this cat when she moved to a new city for job after college. The cat is now 5 years old. TBH, this isn't a friendly cat. Sometimes it shows aggression towards human. Maybe once a week it would scratch or bite either myself or my fiancée. Also it meows very Loud and very often. According to her, it was in a similar way before we moved in together. Hence it isn't too much related to environmental change. I like animal in general but wouldn't be too saddened if the cat is gone one day.

We got engaged 6 months ago and hadn't really set a date for wedding. There is no other major changes besides we moved in together.

Right after we moved into this new place, the cat was allowed to roam freely inside the house except for our bedroom. Out of nowhere, my fiancée decided to lock it in a 6x6 bathroom during the day and only let her out when we get home after work. That's roughly 4 hrs everyday. She also bought some electric mats that will zap if touched. She used that to contain the cat in the bathroom when we need the bathroom door remains open. On top of that, she got prescribed medicine to quite the cat. She claimed that the cat keeps meowing and she is developing migraines.

I honestly don't care that much about the cat, but this seems to be animal cruelty to me. She still feeds, pets and plays with it during the 4 hrs but still this seems wrong to me. I also worry if there is something going on with her that she is trying to hide. Every once in a while, I would be thinking one day she might be very cruel to me too.

TL;DR: my fiancée suddenly became cruel to her cat. I'm scared she would do the same to me one day. Should I rethink about the relationship?

maskenfreiheit posted:

Ah. I understand your combative behavior now.

Well, let's try to post content rather than rehash old trauma, ok?

My [34M] fiancée [27F] locks her cat in a small bathroom for 20 hrs daily and drugs the cat to calm it down. I think that's very wrong but it is her cat? I started to think about the engagement or if there is anything wrong with her?Relationships
(self.relationships)

Pick posted:

quote:

Here's a few things (alot) that has perplexed me:
1) Doesn't act spontaneous, laugh wholeheartedly or do anything outside the box.
2) Never held my hand (got better with that after he read he should do that)
3) Eats very limited but strange foods (he will fry beef cubes, pour marinara sauce on it and get mad that I won't eat it)
4) Doesn't ask for outcomes info. For example if I go to the doctor for something, doesn't ask how my sons team did in their basketball tournament, how an important meeting went at work etc.
5) Is very handsome but prefers to dress bummy. Would wear a sweatshirt and sneakers to a 5 star restaurant if I let him. Likes to wear shirts with obnoxious sayings.
6) Obsessed with Superman and Marvel movies.
7) Always complaining about something physical (this hurts that hurts)
8) Walks like a duck
9) Has told me he sometimes wears two pairs of pants at one time...wtf?
10) Listens to the same music on his ipod over and over and over.
11) Misplaces things...all the time.
12) Will tap stuff on other stuff.
13) Has told me my hair looks orange or my face looks red (after I blushed)and didn't see how that could be offensive. (I am IRISH!)
14) Will take me to a very expensive restaurant and not say much of anything. (No romantic talk, saying how beautiful I am, how he's so glad to be with me etc.)
15) Refuses to make me breakfast but will take me out for breakfast.
16) Says he doesn't understand why I need to hear nice things "all the time".
17) I could tell him I have a lot on my mind and he won't ask what.
18) Is repetitive sexually. Very little passion yet acts like he enjoys it.
19) I was throwing the football with my son and went to throw it to him and he acted like I was about to throw a bomb at him! He actually ducked and shook his head no.

quote:

Background: I’ve been seeing this therapist (I’ll call him Tom) since September 2016. I’ve been in the same clinic since 2014, but switched therapists because my previous one (Barb) was not helpful. To get medication refills, I need to see my psychiatrist and Tom every 1-2 months. They are in the same clinic and appointments are back-to-back for convenience. It’s a two hour commute by bus (I don’t have a car) from my university/apartment to the clinic, so there were some months when I had midterms/finals that I didn’t make an appointment. I’m a full-time student and work part-time. I also have a chronic condition, so I have other doctor appointments every 1-3 months that also takes up time.

Initially I liked Tom because he was very action-oriented and more personable than Barb. I told him how Barb would just pity me and wouldn’t offer any insight or advice. During the first few months he’d ask for feedback because he didn’t want me to experience another Barb which I really appreciated. There was one month I couldn’t make an appointment, and Tom offered to meet me at a shopping center near my school. My bf [26M] thought that was weird, but my sister A works for the same clinic (different location) and said it’s very normal for them to do outreach. Tom and I met up at a sushi place and had our appointment there while eating lunch. It was a bit awkward for me at first, but he kept it very professional. A few months later he was running late to our appointment. He offered to meet me at a coffee shop near the clinic, and I said no because my psychiatrist appointment was scheduled right after ours. He was only about 15 minutes late, and our appointments are always scheduled for an hour.

In hindsight, here’s where it starts to get weird… in May, I brought up issues regarding my bf. Tom also does relationship counseling, so I thought he’d be a good person to talk to. My bf was trying to show me something on his phone, but as he was typing it showed a pornstar’s name in his search history. Prior to this, I’ve confronted him many times about how we don’t have sex as often as I like to and it’s never really resolved. Eventually I just concluded that we had opposite libidos, but it surprised/upset me to know he watches porn/masturbates when our sex life is dull. I told Tom about this, and the first thing he asked was who the pornstar is. I told him who it was, and he said he knows her. I thought that was weird, but then he said how she’s been in the news for some controversial stuff. He then asked what type of girls my bf likes. After he asked, I saw him look down at my chest/body. That made me feel weird, but I brushed it off. Anyways, throughout the rest of the conversation he asked a few times if I’m comfortable talking about this stuff. I said yeah, that’s fine. He said stuff like, “I’m not sure what you two are in to, and you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but you could try spicing it up a little”. He knows my bf and I have been dating three years, so he said maybe my bf is “complacent” due to the long-term nature of the relationship. Throughout this conversation he seemed more lit up than usual, like more animated and interested in talking with me than he has in previous sessions. I was his last appointment of the day, and our appointment went over 50 minutes (total was 1 hour and 50 minutes). I noticed we were going over about an hour and 15 minutes in, but I didn’t want to cut him off (I’m shy/reserved/easily embarrassed). His “fiancé” called three times, but he kept ignoring the call. I was hoping that would make him end the appointment, but it just kept going about sex stuff. I didn’t like how we went over almost double the time, but other than that I just thought it was nice he put in time to talk to me because I was confused on how to feel about the porn/sex/relationship stuff.

At our next appointment, he asked if I wanted to revisit anything we talked about last time. I just updated him on what I spoke to my bf about. This was back in June, so I vaguely remember half of the conversation was sexual/relationship stuff, and the other half was about other stuff. The last time I saw him was in July. This appointment was professional, and we didn’t talk about sex/relationship.

Fast forward to September. Tom called me once at the beginning of September to make an appointment with me since he saw I had an appointment made with my psychiatrist. I forgot to call him back, but I missed this appointment because I forgot I was scheduled to work. I was traveling to Europe for 11 days mid-September. I remember telling my psychiatrist this (to plan around refills) but I don’t remember if I told Tom or not. Tom called me 14 times and left me 12 voicemails in a two week period while I was on my trip and after I got back. A few days in to my trip, Tom called three times for the first two days of his calling spree. The first day he called at 10:05, 10:29, 2:45, and on the second day he called at 12:06, 12:07, and 5:15. The frequent missed calls became a major source of anxiety for me. There was a 9 hour time difference between home and where I was in Europe. I’m also on my brother’s phone plan, so I didn’t want to rack up roaming charges. I didn’t have his email at the time to let him know I was out of the country, but at the same time I didn’t want to contact him since it bothered me how often he called.

All of the voicemails were the same: my service with the clinic is going to expire and he needs me to make an appointment to renew my services. The first five voicemails said I needed to do it by September 18th. All of his voicemails on September 18th and after said I had until the end of the month to make an appointment. That was strange to me, it felt like he lied about the dates to get me to see him sooner. His 7th voicemail said that if I feel I don’t need to see him anymore, to let him know. It's almost as if he forgot he said that in his remaining five voicemails. The day after his 8th voicemail, I get a Facebook friend request from a fake male profile. I don’t know anyone by that name and he had nothing on his profile. No profile/cover picture, no friends, no info, nothing. 20 minutes later, the profile was deleted. Of course, I can’t be 100% sure it’s him. I don’t know who else it would be, but it’s very weird considering how many times Tom has called me. A few days after, he called me and immediately after he sent me an email. A few minutes after that I get a call from sister B (she’s my emergency contact, not the one who works for the same clinic), saying Tom called her. He told her he’s trying to get a hold of me. The email says “I need you to schedule an appointment with me to continue services. I need you to come before the end of September. You have not returned my calls so I would have to close you at the end of the month. Call me ASAP”. I did not like the tone of this email. The remaining five voicemails tells me to call him and make an appointment because my service is going to expire. It also said I have three months after my service expires to see him, but after I would have to do a complete intake assessment. I thought he’d stop calling me after the end of September, but he called me last week and didn’t leave a voicemail.

It feels like he’s very needy and desperate. In total, he’s called me 16 times since the beginning of September. I’ve never had a healthcare professional call me so many times, and I’ve seen many for more serious matters. Sister A said that’s very strange, especially since I’m not a high-risk psychiatric patient. We both agree that I should switch clinics. I think I handled this poorly, partly due to my anxiety/procrastination. I’ve been meaning to write about this for the last few weeks, but after my trip I started back in school/work right away. This is strange situation to me, especially that so much time has passed yet he is still calling me. One tiny part of me believes he just cares about me and is just calling me this much because he knows I'm disorganized/inconsistent. Is it just me, or is this weird?

Pick posted:

list of extremely specific details that purport to prove that her partner's got AS

ReadingZucchini posted:

What is AS in this context?

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Pick posted:

if u don't laugh at doublepants i don't know what to tell you

Absurd Alhazred posted:

maskenfreiheit posted:

Is it just me, or is this weird?

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Aspergers Syndrome

Absurd Alhazred posted:

What is doublepants?

quote:

9) Has told me he sometimes wears two pairs of pants at one time...wtf?

Pick posted:

maskenfreiheit posted:

Ah. I understand your combative behavior now.

Well, let's try to post content rather than rehash old trauma, ok?

maskenfreiheit posted:

My [34M] fiancée [27F] locks her cat in a small bathroom for 20 hrs daily and drugs the cat to calm it down. I think that's very wrong but it is her cat? I started to think about the engagement or if there is anything wrong with her?Relationships
(self.relationships)

Pick posted:

In the last 2 years, Yes he has left me, on vacation,twice, got up from the dinner table and never returned.Left me at my best friend's wedding,at family gatherings, shutdown,wanted to be left alone, answers rudely nothing is wrong, and proceeds to go into the bedroom, refuses to come out for din

maskenfreiheit posted:

Ah. I understand your combative behavior now.

Well, let's try to post content rather than rehash old trauma, ok?

My [34M] fiancée [27F] locks her cat in a small bathroom for 20 hrs daily and drugs the cat to calm it down. I think that's very wrong but it is her cat? I started to think about the engagement or if there is anything wrong with her?Relationships
(self.relationships)

quote:

Sorry in advance, this whole story is kinda long and convoluted but I'll try to be brief.

Early this year I began having abdominal pain that I mostly ignored until it came to the point that I couldn't get out of bed. It wasn't until I ended up in the ER and had a pregnancy test done that I discovered that I discovered the cause. After it came back positive, the ER nurse told me that I wasn't really in pain, that I was just "uncomfortable" because of ligaments moving around and sent me home to have a "hot bath and some sleep" despite me being unable to even sit up.

It was only when I mentioned that I still had a contraceptive implant that they actually did a scan, and turns out I had twins - one of which was ectopic.

The news of the pregnancy was bad enough but my boyfriend of 1.5 years at the time was less than supportive, refusing to come with me to the hospital scan and the abortion. I had to do both of those alone because I was too ashamed to tell anyone else. I was still pretty early in my pregnancy, so I was able to have a medical abortion, which consists of two visits over two days. On the second day, there were a group of protesters out front, they called me some awful things and pelted me with water balloons filled with paint.

When I got inside the clinic, I tried to call my boyfriend and told him I needed him there because I was feeling lonely and really needed the support. He yelled at me saying I was codependent and was ruining his day by unloading my problems on him while I was at work. I was crushed - he'd never been like that to me before.

So I get back home after the abortion start hemorrahging, and again I end up in hospital. It wasn't until then that I finally told a friend who notified uni that I would be absent from rotations.

Basically, the abortion had gone wrong in every possible way, I developed septicemia, an abcess had formed in an ovary and I was at risk of losing it.

Again, my boyfriend didn't care. We have kind of a long distance relationship, I live about 50 miles away from my home town where he lives and works and we see each other on the weekend. I asked him if he could come and see me but he said no, Mad Max was coming out and he already had tickets. I was devastated - here I was in hospital freaking out about possibly having an ovary removed and he was passing me over for a movie? I said some not very nice things to him, and he responded in kind and I didn't see not speak to him for another two weeks.

Eventually I was released from hospital but by then I had missed 6 weeks of uni and would be missing more because I was still battling an infection and I couldn't exactly be around patients like that, so I was deferred from uni.

This was the lowest point if my life. All I have ever wanted was to finish medical school and get to the next stage of my career, and here it was slipping through my fingers due to some gently caress-up. On top of that, my boyfriend was not being supportive in the least, making me feel like I was weak for not being able to handle this.I felt like I couldn't talk about it to anyone.

The only person that knew what I was going through was my best friend, and she was on work experience in a different hospital, 300+ miles away.

I'm ashamed to say it, but l attempted suicide. Somehow, my friend felt something was wrong and sent police to check on me, and that's how I'm still here today.

After this attempt, I was sectioned and had a brief stay in a mental health unit, it wasn't until I got there that my boyfriend seemed to finally care, he even promised to come see me, but he never came. That's one of the things that really fucks me up, even now, 4 months later.

While all this was happening, lease ran out on my house and my boyfriend finally stepped up and let me move in with him. He apologised profusely for not being there - he said that he simply didn't think it would affected me that much.

We've talked about it and I've forgiven him, but I still can't let go - I can't get over any of it. It's turned me from a happy, confident adult to a quivering wreck. I never used to be but now I'm anxious all the time, insecure in my relationship and I can't approach crowds.

I went from almost finishing med school to some crappy minimum wage job, even though my uni has agreed to hold my place until I'm ready, I feel like mentally this has destroyed me.

I've been in therapy for months now and it doesn't seem to be helping, what can I do? Will I be forced to relive this whole experience for the rest of my life?

Thanks for reading, I know it's long and super confusing.

tl;dr: Had an abortion that went wrong and ended up lonely and isolated, still suffering mentally from it.

Chomp8645 posted:

This definitely qualifies as abuse. Probably torture.

noether posted:

Can insults against gamers be classed as a hate crime


white boys who treat "gamer" like it's an ethnicity or whatever are bizarre and infuriating

Haifisch posted:

My [25/f] life has fallen apart after an abortion and I don't know what to do

I asked him if he could come and see me but he said no, Mad Max was coming out and he already had tickets.

maskenfreiheit posted:

My [23F] therapist [30sM] is making me uncomfortable.Personal issues (self.relationships)


One thing most of the redditor's seem to miss: he would have been able to find out from the psychiatrist she's on a trip due to them being in the same clinic. (She mentions she told the psych so she'd have enough pills)

quote:

Is it just me, or is this weird?

Whitlam posted:

I'm not being combative

quote:

As a backstory to where he's coming from with this (because he's more justified with this than it sounds): Before we started dating three years ago, I was an insanely walled off person. I never really liked to express any emotion aside from normal friendliness, and it was such a big complex that it got to the point I had a hard time determining how I felt at a given time. I'd be stressed or angry but have it so automatically bottled that I wouldn't notice until I'm breaking down out of nowhere and not know why, or I'd just entirely avoid situations that would lead me to have any emotions to big for me to suppress (which kind of included feelings of affection as well for the first few months of the relationship). My boyfriend has been very patient with how slowly I've come out of my shell and done an incredible job over the years making sure I consider how I'm feeling and let my emotions out more, especially around him. It's worked in almost every regard and I'm a much happier open person now.

Now, the only remaining problem is libido. He has a much higher libido than me for one and almost always initiates for one, and while I start to get raw and sore doing it more than every two days he's always good to go. As such, he always gets really excited if ever he sees me with an erection and will start trying to get sexual with me, but oftentimes they just sort of happen to me randomly because I'm comfortable or relaxed or sleepy and I don't actually want to have sex, as far as I know at least.

He always stops touching me as soon as I say no, but it pretty much is always followed by a debate (and he likes to debate things, never angrily mind you it's always calm) about how he believes I get them when I'm relaxed because I do want to have sex deep down and my barriers come down more when I'm calmer. And to be entirely honest I can't deny that's a possibility because I used to do that a lot with every emotion. About half the time I end up giving in just to end the debate and I always do end up enjoying myself so he may actually be right, but it doesn't change the fact that my instinct at the start was that I didn't want to, and it's at the point I tend to try to hide my boners if I ever don't want to have sex, and it feels like this dynamic could turn dangerous.

He's aware of how rapey the whole situation sounds and I can tell doing it makes him a bit uncomfortable to, but he does truly believe that I actually do want it when this happens and there's a decent chance he's right, but I honestly don't know because not knowing my own feelings is in my past.

Is this sort of interaction between us in danger of becoming abusive, and how do I avoid/keep on the lookout for that?

VanSandman posted:

Pick hates the autistic more than Hitler hated the Jews.