in which part of your resume should you mention your oral sex skills?

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little munchkin

there's a lot of places it could go I'm just wondering which one is best

# ? Oct 27, 2017 04:21

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# ? May 18, 2024 18:37

Manifisto

little munchkin posted:

there's a lot of places it could go I'm just wondering which one is best

page 68

nowadays

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 27, 2017 04:32

Frogfingers

Header, obviously

# ? Oct 27, 2017 06:27

blaise rascal: "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Pearl...."

I can never figure out when during coitus to mention my high school GPA

ty vanisher, ty khanstant

# ? Oct 27, 2017 10:51

cda: by Hand Knit

It depends on whether you're certified in oral sex or if it's just a skill you have

# ? Oct 27, 2017 11:44

alnilam

I prefer to put it in "volunteer experience"

# ? Oct 27, 2017 12:50

Robot Made of Meat

Mine would probably fall under the 'Charity work' section . . . of someone else's resume.

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Oct 27, 2017 14:08

FactsAreUseless

blaise rascal posted:

I can never figure out when during coitus to mention my high school GPA

Foreplay. This should be integrated into your dirty talk. "Hello, sexual person," you would say. "My high school GPA was 3.4, which is also the same number of inches as the length of my penis."

# ? Oct 27, 2017 14:32

Manifisto

personally I think your sex skills (all kinds) should be reflected in your home address

society would need to be somewhat reorganized, but think of the payoff

you'd definitely know which neighborhoods to hang out in, and which addresses (say, footjob lane) might only be worth a slight detour*

* e: unless you want to hang out with quentin tarantino

# ? Oct 27, 2017 15:53

Macnult

preferably near the illustration depicting your oral sex skills

# ? Oct 27, 2017 16:40

Twenty Four

If anyone figures this out, let me know, I have failed too many interviews because of my excellent oral sex skills. I keep getting told I am "overqualified".

# ? Oct 27, 2017 17:19

cda: by Hand Knit

I usually leave it off of the resume, but discuss it extensively in my cover letter.

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# ? Oct 27, 2017 19:12

vanisher

I don't expressly mention it, I let my letters of recommendation speak for themselves

# ? Oct 27, 2017 19:19

alnilam

Robot Made of Meat posted:

Mine would probably fall under the 'Charity work' section . . . of someone else's resume.

still laughing about this post

# ? Oct 27, 2017 19:30

alnilam

self deprecation... inversion of the concept by placing it on someone else's resume... oral sex... that post has it all

# ? Oct 27, 2017 19:32

cda: by Hand Knit

To Whom It May Concern,

I am happy to write a letter of recommendation for Vanisher. Having supervised him for six years now, I believe he would make an excellent Assistant Deputy Department Head. He has consistently been among my highest performing supervisees, he has taken the initiative to design and implement many process improvements, and he has pleasured me for hours with the focus and intensity of a truffle hog searching after a European white truffle.

Unlike many of my supervisees, who are transferred to my department under regular procedures, Vanisher was transferred to my department because I explicitly asked to work with him after seeing the work that he did on the Kleinberg Portfolio. Having had the opportunity to observe the energy and intelligence he brought to that project, I knew that he would be a valuable addition to my department in addition to being able to lick me up and down like a pussy lollipop with a sweet gooey center.

I soon discovered that in addition to his high level of general performance, Vanisher was committed to innovation and continuous improvement. After observing inefficiencies in our document-management system, Vanisher developed a new flow chart in Visio, which involved both a normal process and contingency planning for high-priority requests, and when he discovered that I had a particularly sensitive G-spot, he invented new ways to use both his tongue and fingers to pleasure me. I discovered that I was a squirter.

Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention that Vanisher eats out like a middle-aged bachelor who lives upstairs from a Chinese restaurant, by which I mean: frequently, knowledgeably, and with only a reasonable amount of shame. At this point, just looking at the guy gets me drenched. Seriously. It's like the god drat Ninth Ward down there.

As you can see, I think Vanisher is a good candidate for this opening, just as he has been a great candidate for my opening. He has my highest recommendation.

Sincerely,
Old Lady Boss

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 27, 2017 19:45

vanisher

cda posted:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am happy to write a letter of recommendation for Vanisher. Having supervised him for six years now, I believe he would make an excellent Assistant Deputy Department Head. He has consistently been among my highest performing supervisees, he has taken the initiative to design and implement many process improvements, and he has pleasured me for hours with the focus and intensity of a truffle hog searching after a European white truffle.

Unlike many of my supervisees, who are transferred to my department under regular procedures, Vanisher was transferred to my department because I explicitly asked to work with him after seeing the work that he did on the Kleinberg Portfolio. Having had the opportunity to observe the energy and intelligence he brought to that project, I knew that he would be a valuable addition to my department in addition to being able to lick me up and down like a pussy lollipop with a sweet gooey center.

I soon discovered that in addition to his high level of general performance, Vanisher was committed to innovation and continuous improvement. After observing inefficiencies in our document-management system, Vanisher developed a new flow chart in Visio, which involved both a normal process and contingency planning for high-priority requests, and when he discovered that I had a particularly sensitive G-spot, he invented new ways to use both his tongue and fingers to pleasure me. I discovered that I was a squirter.

Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention that Vanisher eats out like a middle-aged bachelor who lives upstairs from a Chinese restaurant, by which I mean: frequently, knowledgeably, and with only a reasonable amount of shame. At this point, just looking at the guy gets me drenched. Seriously. It's like the god drat Ninth Ward down there.

As you can see, I think Vanisher is a good candidate for this opening, just as he has been a great candidate for my opening. He has my highest recommendation.

Sincerely,
Old Lady Boss

lol

also lol old lady boss

# ? Oct 27, 2017 19:47

Macnult

cda posted:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am happy to write a letter of recommendation for Vanisher. Having supervised him for six years now, I believe he would make an excellent Assistant Deputy Department Head. He has consistently been among my highest performing supervisees, he has taken the initiative to design and implement many process improvements, and he has pleasured me for hours with the focus and intensity of a truffle hog searching after a European white truffle.

Unlike many of my supervisees, who are transferred to my department under regular procedures, Vanisher was transferred to my department because I explicitly asked to work with him after seeing the work that he did on the Kleinberg Portfolio. Having had the opportunity to observe the energy and intelligence he brought to that project, I knew that he would be a valuable addition to my department in addition to being able to lick me up and down like a pussy lollipop with a sweet gooey center.

I soon discovered that in addition to his high level of general performance, Vanisher was committed to innovation and continuous improvement. After observing inefficiencies in our document-management system, Vanisher developed a new flow chart in Visio, which involved both a normal process and contingency planning for high-priority requests, and when he discovered that I had a particularly sensitive G-spot, he invented new ways to use both his tongue and fingers to pleasure me. I discovered that I was a squirter.

Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention that Vanisher eats out like a middle-aged bachelor who lives upstairs from a Chinese restaurant, by which I mean: frequently, knowledgeably, and with only a reasonable amount of shame. At this point, just looking at the guy gets me drenched. Seriously. It's like the god drat Ninth Ward down there.

As you can see, I think Vanisher is a good candidate for this opening, just as he has been a great candidate for my opening. He has my highest recommendation.

Sincerely,
Old Lady Boss

# ? Oct 27, 2017 19:48

vanisher

4 copies of that letter under my arm, handing them out during my panel interview :smug:

# ? Oct 27, 2017 19:49

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

while my practical sex skills might be lacking due to my zero experience, my oral sex expertise is unmatched
would you, for example, wish me to describe you the act of coitus? explain the practice of cunnilingus? orate the art of rear end eating?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 27, 2017 21:36

joat mon: I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

In the interpersonal skills section where you talk about how you're a cunning linguist.

# ? Oct 27, 2017 21:48

Manifisto

job interviewer: well mr. manifisto, you have the education, you have the job experience, you have the references. you've aced the interviews. pretty much everything we're looking for. but this *taps resume* is missing some crucial information, and without it I'm afraid we can't hire you.

me: perhaps you'd care to examine the watermark?

# ? Oct 27, 2017 21:56

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

Manifisto posted:

job interviewer: well mr. manifisto, you have the education, you have the job experience, you have the references. you've aced the interviews. pretty much everything we're looking for. but this *taps resume* is missing some crucial information, and without it I'm afraid we can't hire you.

me: perhaps you'd care to examine the watermark?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 27, 2017 22:10

Ride The Gravitron: by FactsAreUseless

cda posted:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am happy to write a letter of recommendation for Vanisher. Having supervised him for six years now, I believe he would make an excellent Assistant Deputy Department Head. He has consistently been among my highest performing supervisees, he has taken the initiative to design and implement many process improvements, and he has pleasured me for hours with the focus and intensity of a truffle hog searching after a European white truffle.

Unlike many of my supervisees, who are transferred to my department under regular procedures, Vanisher was transferred to my department because I explicitly asked to work with him after seeing the work that he did on the Kleinberg Portfolio. Having had the opportunity to observe the energy and intelligence he brought to that project, I knew that he would be a valuable addition to my department in addition to being able to lick me up and down like a pussy lollipop with a sweet gooey center.

I soon discovered that in addition to his high level of general performance, Vanisher was committed to innovation and continuous improvement. After observing inefficiencies in our document-management system, Vanisher developed a new flow chart in Visio, which involved both a normal process and contingency planning for high-priority requests, and when he discovered that I had a particularly sensitive G-spot, he invented new ways to use both his tongue and fingers to pleasure me. I discovered that I was a squirter.

Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention that Vanisher eats out like a middle-aged bachelor who lives upstairs from a Chinese restaurant, by which I mean: frequently, knowledgeably, and with only a reasonable amount of shame. At this point, just looking at the guy gets me drenched. Seriously. It's like the god drat Ninth Ward down there.

As you can see, I think Vanisher is a good candidate for this opening, just as he has been a great candidate for my opening. He has my highest recommendation.

Sincerely,
Old Lady Boss

# ? Oct 27, 2017 22:53

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

cda posted:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am happy to write a letter of recommendation for Vanisher. Having supervised him for six years now, I believe he would make an excellent Assistant Deputy Department Head. He has consistently been among my highest performing supervisees, he has taken the initiative to design and implement many process improvements, and he has pleasured me for hours with the focus and intensity of a truffle hog searching after a European white truffle.

Unlike many of my supervisees, who are transferred to my department under regular procedures, Vanisher was transferred to my department because I explicitly asked to work with him after seeing the work that he did on the Kleinberg Portfolio. Having had the opportunity to observe the energy and intelligence he brought to that project, I knew that he would be a valuable addition to my department in addition to being able to lick me up and down like a pussy lollipop with a sweet gooey center.

I soon discovered that in addition to his high level of general performance, Vanisher was committed to innovation and continuous improvement. After observing inefficiencies in our document-management system, Vanisher developed a new flow chart in Visio, which involved both a normal process and contingency planning for high-priority requests, and when he discovered that I had a particularly sensitive G-spot, he invented new ways to use both his tongue and fingers to pleasure me. I discovered that I was a squirter.

Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention that Vanisher eats out like a middle-aged bachelor who lives upstairs from a Chinese restaurant, by which I mean: frequently, knowledgeably, and with only a reasonable amount of shame. At this point, just looking at the guy gets me drenched. Seriously. It's like the god drat Ninth Ward down there.

As you can see, I think Vanisher is a good candidate for this opening, just as he has been a great candidate for my opening. He has my highest recommendation.

Sincerely,
Old Lady Boss

i literally laughed so hard i pulled a leg muscle.

# ? Oct 28, 2017 10:25

FluffieDuckie

Robot Made of Meat posted:

Mine would probably fall under the 'Charity work' section . . . of someone else's resume.

Thank you for the beautiful sig Machai!

# ? Oct 28, 2017 17:40

Senior Management

I put it right under my degree so that they know I did not waste all my time in college. Their first reaction to my history degree is to assume that I wasted a bunch of money in exchange for no applicable life skills. But then they see that I doubled majored in something worthwhile and valuable to society.

:jerry:

# ? Oct 30, 2017 15:02

Ben Carsons Ghost

Frogfingers posted:

Header, obviously

# ? Nov 2, 2017 15:39

Truman Peyote

Maybe I'm old-fashioned but I believe that if you've never done something it shouldn't go on your resume at all

# ? Nov 6, 2017 16:35

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

I put it in the mouth of my resume

# ? Nov 8, 2017 21:53

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# ? May 18, 2024 18:37

Gay Weed Dad: cool dude, flyin' high

Just put it with your other CompTIA certs :shrug:

# ? Nov 10, 2017 18:42

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > in which part of your resume should you mention your oral sex skills?