Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

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Corvinus: Aug 21, 2006

Hodgepodge posted:

That's got to be satire.

From what I recall of that movie, it's not unlikely. Is it worth a rewatch?

Roger Ebert called WC's script "submoronic".

If you feel like hurting yourself, go ahead.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 08:59

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 22:36

Mia Wasikowska: Oct 7, 2006

spacetoaster posted:

There's a scene in the wing commander movie where everyone has to be really quiet on their spaceship so the enemy scanners can't pick them up.

thats badass honestly

# ? Nov 14, 2017 09:59

The MSJ: May 17, 2010

Plot speculatin' with Jenny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-5CODzeGEE

# ? Nov 14, 2017 14:30

homullus: Mar 27, 2009

The MSJ posted:

Plot speculatin' with Jenny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-5CODzeGEE

I think she's right about more of those than not.

The porgs in the background multiply through the video.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 15:22

AlternateAccount: Apr 25, 2005; FYGM

Hodgepodge posted:

That's got to be satire.

From what I recall of that movie, it's not unlikely. Is it worth a rewatch?

It's absolutely serious and outed Chris Roberts as a dude who just copy/pastes cool things he sees and enjoys into his own work without any kind of value add. Wing Commander might seriously be the worst movie ever made.

This kind of sums it up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq9F4WuCcvA

And IIRC, there's a scene where they have to.... push a crippled fighter off the deck and "over the side" and it falls away like on an aircraft carrier. Yeah....

# ? Nov 14, 2017 17:43

AndyElusive: Jan 7, 2007

AlternateAccount posted:

And IIRC, there's a scene where they have to.... push a crippled fighter off the deck and "over the side" and it falls away like on an aircraft carrier. Yeah....

Well, space is basically the ocean. Just all over the place.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 17:46

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD: Sep 14, 2007; everything is yours

Jerkface posted:

I got a porg latte in Japan. Porg.

Hell yeah.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 17:49

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD: Sep 14, 2007; everything is yours

Yep, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I porg'ed here.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 17:51

Preston Waters: May 21, 2010; by VideoGames

If it weren't for Wing Commander we wouldn't have gotten the BSG 2003 series so totally worth it

# ? Nov 14, 2017 18:54

Ravenfood: Nov 4, 2011

sweet geek swag posted:

The only reason they are able to get the no confidence vote is because of how obviously Valorum is being bribed to ignore the crisis. Without the crisis, the chancellor would be able to say, "Nope, everything worked out, Naboo even signed a treaty to end the crisis." Palpatine would have no standing to challenge Valorum's leadership. I guess, if you really want to stretch it, you could argue that Palpatine knew the Jedi would escape and bring the Queen to Coruscant, but that doesn't explain why he sent Darth Maul after them on Tatooine.

Or you could make the terms of the treaty so onerous that they were obviously signed under coercion and have the Trade Federation repeatedly flaunt the (few) terms of their new treaty. Publicly executing Amidala after she signed, for instance, especially if the treaty specified not doing that. That'd trigger a vote of no confidence especially if Valorum used the "its ok, they signed a treaty!" defense.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 19:09

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD: Sep 14, 2007; everything is yours

https://twitter.com/HamillHimself/status/930474737507090432

# ? Nov 14, 2017 20:24

Hodgepodge: Jan 29, 2006; Can't post for 204 days!

AndyElusive posted:

Well, space is basically the ocean. Just all over the place.

The "satire" bit was because as the tagline went "in space, no one can hear you scream." Ie, there is no medium in space for sound to travel, in other words, no sound.

Unless that's :thejoke:

of your post as well.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 20:30

Preston Waters: May 21, 2010; by VideoGames

Ravenfood posted:

Or you could make the terms of the treaty so onerous that they were obviously signed under coercion and have the Trade Federation repeatedly flaunt the (few) terms of their new treaty. Publicly executing Amidala after she signed, for instance, especially if the treaty specified not doing that. That'd trigger a vote of no confidence especially if Valorum used the "its ok, they signed a treaty!" defense.

So why didn't the movie show us this or tell us this? You're hypothesizing a major plot detail. That's horrible film making.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 22:00

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD posted:

https://twitter.com/HamillHimself/status/930474737507090432

I'm glad Luke is a goon.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 22:36

Ravenfood: Nov 4, 2011

BarronsArtGallery posted:

So why didn't the movie show us this or tell us this? You're hypothesizing a major plot detail. That's horrible film making.

Because Amidala escaped before she was forced to sign the treaty, rendering that particular plan moot. We don't need to hear about all of the various contingency plans that Palpatine had, because he was capable of reacting to current events and rolling with changes to his plan. The point is that his plan, as seen in the Phantom Menace, isn't as wildly ridiculous and contradictory as people ITT made it seem. He had the the actual queen, who dramatically escaped from Naboo, calling for the vote instead of him, which helped speed things up for him but also possibly made it less likely to succeed. If she didn't escape like his plan originally called for, then there would be perfectly reasonable paths forward for him. His plan wasn't contradictory, it just didn't go entirely as planned and he adapted to it.

I don't really feel like a scene with him cackling and explaining his long-term plan to Maul or something would really be necessary or add anything to the movie, especially since his plan goes a bit awry about 15 minutes into the movie.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 23:04

Preston Waters: May 21, 2010; by VideoGames

Ravenfood posted:

Because Amidala escaped before she was forced to sign the treaty, rendering that particular plan moot. We don't need to hear about all of the various contingency plans that Palpatine had, because he was capable of reacting to current events and rolling with changes to his plan. The point is that his plan, as seen in the Phantom Menace, isn't as wildly ridiculous and contradictory as people ITT made it seem. He had the the actual queen, who dramatically escaped from Naboo, calling for the vote instead of him, which helped speed things up for him but also possibly made it less likely to succeed. If she didn't escape like his plan originally called for, then there would be perfectly reasonable paths forward for him. His plan wasn't contradictory, it just didn't go entirely as planned and he adapted to it.

I don't really feel like a scene with him cackling and explaining his long-term plan to Maul or something would really be necessary or add anything to the movie, especially since his plan goes a bit awry about 15 minutes into the movie.

how about a 5 second clip of "oh she did this? let's go with plan B"

Maul: "yes sir, plan B is my plan A." *countless children run down the hallway*

# ? Nov 14, 2017 23:08

Schwarzwald: Jul 27, 2004; Don't Blink

Ravenfood posted:

Because Amidala escaped before she was forced to sign the treaty, rendering that particular plan moot. We don't need to hear about all of the various contingency plans that Palpatine had, because he was capable of reacting to current events and rolling with changes to his plan. The point is that his plan, as seen in the Phantom Menace, isn't as wildly ridiculous and contradictory as people ITT made it seem. He had the the actual queen, who dramatically escaped from Naboo, calling for the vote instead of him, which helped speed things up for him but also possibly made it less likely to succeed. If she didn't escape like his plan originally called for, then there would be perfectly reasonable paths forward for him. His plan wasn't contradictory, it just didn't go entirely as planned and he adapted to it.

I don't really feel like a scene with him cackling and explaining his long-term plan to Maul or something would really be necessary or add anything to the movie, especially since his plan goes a bit awry about 15 minutes into the movie.

It's not so much that Palpatine was capable of reacting and improvising (although he was) but that he didn't need to.

His scheme to be elected depended on portraying Chancellor Valorum as incompetent (which he was), portraying the capital and industrial powers as a threat to the aristocracy (which they were), and portraying the Senate as corrupt (which it was). All of those things were true and would continue to be true regardless of how the situation in Naboo played out.

Palpatine didn't need to engineer the conflict; it was inevitable. All he needed to do was put himself in a position to profit from it.

BarronsArtGallery posted:

how about a 5 second clip of "oh she did this? let's go with plan B"

Maul: "yes sir, plan B is my plan A." *countless children run down the hallway*

I give the PT a lot of slack, but let's be real: they have enough exposition as it is.

# ? Nov 14, 2017 23:46

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

BarronsArtGallery posted:

So why didn't the movie show us this or tell us this? You're hypothesizing a major plot detail. That's horrible film making.

I just don't think a treaty that amounts to surrendering to an occupying force "resolves the dispute." It just puts into law a situation that would be incredibly politically tumultuous. Whatever specific plans Palpatine would have had don't need to be shown because it basically makes sense that putting Naboo in a Senate-recognized state of severe unrest could help him. If anything, signing such a treaty would have just been a way of making sure Valorum doesn't get a chance to do anything to make himself look useful.

# ? Nov 15, 2017 00:00

Hodgepodge: Jan 29, 2006; Can't post for 204 days!

BarronsArtGallery posted:

how about a 5 second clip of "oh she did this? let's go with plan B"

Maul: "yes sir, plan B is my plan A." *countless children run down the hallway*

Because if you spell everything out that someone might not be able to surmise, the film becomes a dull slog.

# ? Nov 15, 2017 04:28

Doctor Spaceman: Jul 6, 2010; "Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."

Martman posted:

I just don't think a treaty that amounts to surrendering to an occupying force "resolves the dispute." It just puts into law a situation that would be incredibly politically tumultuous. Whatever specific plans Palpatine would have had don't need to be shown because it basically makes sense that putting Naboo in a Senate-recognized state of severe unrest could help him. If anything, signing such a treaty would have just been a way of making sure Valorum doesn't get a chance to do anything to make himself look useful.

Signing the treaty also emboldens the Trade Federation, which Palpatine is controlling. The movie doesn't need to tell you what all of his contingencies are because it's clear he's got a lot of options available; the whole point of controlling both sides in a conflict is that you dictate events.

Basically the only way Palpatine could have lost was if Valorum had decided to act.

# ? Nov 15, 2017 05:15

Nessus: Dec 22, 2003; After a Speaker vote, you may be entitled to a valuable coupon or voucher!

Doctor Spaceman posted:

Signing the treaty also emboldens the Trade Federation, which Palpatine is controlling. The movie doesn't need to tell you what all of his contingencies are because it's clear he's got a lot of options available; the whole point of controlling both sides in a conflict is that you dictate events.

Basically the only way Palpatine could have lost was if Valorum had decided to act.

Yeah I continue to hold to the idea that the moment Palps came closest to losing was when Mace Windu had him dead to rights on his own windowsill. Had Anakin been thirty seconds later, there would not have been a Sith order any more, although perhaps he would've gotten retroactive revenge, given that the Jedi had just killed the Space President.

# ? Nov 15, 2017 05:41

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD posted:

https://twitter.com/HamillHimself/status/930474737507090432

https://twitter.com/starwars/status/930634748585635841

# ? Nov 15, 2017 06:46

Szmitten: Apr 26, 2008

Gonz posted:

https://twitter.com/starwars/status/930634748585635841

I like how you hear this wave of coos and it's a room full of adult men.

# ? Nov 15, 2017 15:02

CelticPredator: Oct 11, 2013; 🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

I mean, they're the ones who would be more excited to meet Mark Hamill.

# ? Nov 15, 2017 23:42

porfiria: Dec 10, 2008; by Modern Video Games

With the announcement of Rian Johnson's stupid new trilogy, I'm now of the opinion Star Wars VIII will be markedly (~40-50%) better than Star Wars VII. Whether that pushes it into the good category will depend on your feelings about Star Wars in general. I loving hate Star Wars, except for Ewoks, Porgs, the Rancor Handler, and Force Leap.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 00:01

BigglesSWE: Dec 2, 2014; How 'bout them hawks news huh!

CelticPredator posted:

I mean, they're the ones who would be more excited to meet Mark Hamill.

I would be too excited to make any intelligible sounds, tbh.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 00:26

Hodgepodge: Jan 29, 2006; Can't post for 204 days!

porfiria posted:

With the announcement of Rian Johnson's stupid new trilogy, I'm now of the opinion Star Wars VIII will be markedly (~40-50%) better than Star Wars VII. Whether that pushes it into the good category will depend on your feelings about Star Wars in general. I loving hate Star Wars, except for Ewoks, Porgs, the Rancor Handler, and Force Leap.

The new trilogy will be about porgs, ewoks, and wookies.

If you hate wookies I will cut you.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 01:13

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Id probabl yell out I loved you in Six Dance Lessons in Six Weeks but it would be a lie because he wasnt very good in it.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 02:11

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

You might think the Porgs are cute, but I assure you, they�re much more like the alien sewer mushrooms in Mom & Dad Save The World

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKiWzvKGUFs

# ? Nov 16, 2017 21:50

Kill All Cops: Apr 11, 2007; Pacheco de Chocobo; Hell Gem

Smorgasporg

# ? Nov 17, 2017 03:58

Zachack: Jun 1, 2000

BigglesSWE posted:

I would be too excited to make any intelligible sounds, tbh.

Same but hours later I would think that parallel universe cool me would have asked "how was Wing Commander supposed to end"

# ? Nov 17, 2017 05:02

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

# ? Nov 17, 2017 06:11

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD: Sep 14, 2007; everything is yours

What do yall think porgs taste like?

# ? Nov 17, 2017 06:13

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Pineapple, orange, raspberry, and guava

# ? Nov 17, 2017 06:15

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

Bobby Digital posted:

Pineapple, orange, raspberry, and guava

Their blood is tinged with sriracha spices.

# ? Nov 17, 2017 07:03

Kart Barfunkel: Nov 10, 2009

Obviously it�s a lot like penguin meat.

# ? Nov 17, 2017 07:20

Gonz: Dec 22, 2009; "Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"

�Kylo failed you. I won�t.�

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gv7OJU11aZQ

# ? Nov 17, 2017 10:40

sweet geek swag: Mar 29, 2006; Adjust lasers to FUN!

Well at the very least it looks like we have confirmation that the Kylo extending his hand bit was a fakeout.

# ? Nov 17, 2017 15:44

drunkill: Sep 25, 2007; me @ ur posting; Fallen Rib

So, in Battlefront II there are a few tie-ins with the new trilogy (and more to come with an extra two missions which are released the day after TLJ hits cinemas)

First up, after the Emperor dies he tries to get the empire to nuke a few ~~cities~~ planets in Operation Cinder- Naboo, Vardos (new Imperial stronghold world) and more, he also gets his commando unit to head to a new, uninhabited planet of Pillio where the emperor has a secret vault there, with a large door which can only be opened using the force. In this mission from the game you get to play as Luke where you kill a bunch of storm troopers and then team up with said commando to get into the vault and kill a bunch of bugs in the meantime.

Anyway, long story short, Luke finds a force sensitive compass in there and takes it, this probably leads him to the jedi temple/tree on Ahch-To.

Sadly in his post-ROTJ look in the singleplayer his face is a bit wonky and the voice actor isn't any good, you can watch parts of that mission here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GbkLZ5JDW0&t=2161s

Other things, I'll timestamp the missions of these plot points:

Leia leads a rebel victory on Naboo after the battle of Endor, after they stop Operation Cinder from burning the place, they defeat the empire on the ground using a giant EMP that Queen Amidala had built after the droid occupation.
Han grows a beard. Visits Takodana to get intel to help free wookies, is avoiding/running away from Leia.
The Empire is really running out of supplies after Endor and other Rebel victories, Bespin is a major re-fuelling depot which they still hold but even then they don't have enough fuel for the fleet, this kinda prompts the last stand at Jakku.
Lando goes to Sullust with the best new Star Wars character Shriv, to capture a whole load of weapons for the rebellion, turns out the empire remnants/proto-first order are there and re-started AT-AT and AT-ST production lines, Lando then floods the place with lava to stop them.
Kylo Ren shows up on Pillio decades later, looking for the map to skywalker and it goes through a force-dream/interrogation sequence, I guess this directly leads into the intro of TFA with Kylo continuing to hunt for the map by raiding that village on Jakku.

But seriously, Shriv owns: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GbkLZ5JDW0&t=6288s

drunkill fucked around with this message at 18:33 on Nov 17, 2017

# ? Nov 17, 2017 18:29

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 22:36

AlternateAccount: Apr 25, 2005; FYGM

The hundreds of hours of Star Wars games I've played over the years, starting with TIE FIGHTER, have made me so loving sick of every single piece of music in the franchise.

# ? Nov 17, 2017 19:07

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Star Wars VIII spoil-o-rama thread. You've been warned!

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