Sandwich Anarchist posted:

I see you bloody poo poo and raise you.

Girlfriend at the time jollied my butthole too hard and gave me mild prostate trauma. I had blood in my cummies for a couple of days.

Sandwich Anarchist posted:

I see you bloody poo poo and raise you.

Girlfriend at the time jollied my butthole too hard and gave me mild prostate trauma. I had blood in my cummies for a couple of days.

Sludge Tank posted:

in the heat of the moment i once tongue-jollied my ex gf's butthole after i'd already jollied it with my cummies and weiner and soon realised i was getting a really interesting myriad of blood, cummies and bum juice in my mouth

Sludge Tank posted:

in the heat of the moment i once tongue-jollied my ex gf's butthole after i'd already jollied it with my cummies and weiner and soon realised i was getting a really interesting myriad of blood, cummies and bum juice in my mouth

Picnic Princess posted:

Happy birthday cash crab! Thanks for suffering for our entertainment.

Sludge Tank posted:

in the heat of the moment i once tongue-jollied my ex gf's butthole after i'd already jollied it with my cummies and weiner and soon realised i was getting a really interesting myriad of blood, cummies and bum juice in my mouth

Jerry Cotton posted:

Shove a bike pump in. Sideways. Walla!

e: Oh sorry not the lifehack thread

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

It's 'voila'. With the 'v' sound

vwah-la. Please don't ever actually say 'walla' IRL. I do this because I care.

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

It's 'voila'. With the 'v' sound

vwah-la. Please don't ever actually say 'walla' IRL. I do this because I care.

Jerry Cotton posted:

I like how you're perfectly fine with shoving a bike pump sideways up your anus though.

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

One thing is personal preference, the other is an affront to language.

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

It's 'voila'. With the 'v' sound

vwah-la. Please don't ever actually say 'walla' IRL. I do this because I care.

The Saddest Rhino posted:

😛🍑👸:
💦💦💦😝;
💉💉💉😜;
💩😳;
💩💩💩😨;
💩💩💉💉💦💦💉💉💩💩😱🤢😵.
💀☠⚰.
🔥🔥🔥⚱

...

🚽

Super Grocery Kart posted:

One day I’ll learn to stop checking this thread while I’m eating.

Randaconda posted:

what

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

GE Cafe was a grossly obese goon who once posted the following NMS anecdote:
"ge cafe aka Home4Kwanzakkah posted:

I decided it'd be fun to gently caress myself earlier this evening/morning. So I greased up Mr Sunshine and went to work. I had fun for 10 minutes and came. Then I was feeling the need to shower, so I did.

This is where things get graphic. Stop here if you don't want to cry.

Shortly after I started my shower, I felt a bit of matter coming out. Not terribly unusual, I just got done pounding my rear end. It landed on the floor of the shower. A few moments later I notice it's moving... strangely as it slowly gets washed towards the drain.

Last chance to stop. It's horriffic.
I nudge it with my toe and, to my horror, realize it's one piece. As in, a connected piece, as if it were... tissue. I think it's a bit of the outer layer of the colon. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I just crapped a piece of my rear end out of my rear end. I get it down the drain as quickly as possible and then sit down in the tub, I felt like I was having a panic attack. I'd had plenty of rear end sex before and not noticed this. Maybe this happened and I simply didn't notice it, or maybe the rear end "sheds" like this on its own occasionally, and no one really notices it (or admits they did). My rear end didn't hurt at all, but it does now, kind of, probably because I haven't stopped thinking about this horror for the last 90 minutes.

So the moral of the story is I really don't want to do this again. It makes me sad because I enjoy anal sex. Maybe others have heartier colons that I. But for god's sake, use condoms. If anything with a pulse goes in there, make sure it's sheathed."

The Sexual Shiite posted:

I went through a phase where I was eating sunflower seeds and peanuts in the shell whole, because I figured the shells would be a good source of fiber. Between the bulk from the peanut shells and the shards of the sunflower seed shells, I created three anal fissures that reopened randomly when I would poo poo for the next 6-8 years. I got to the point where I stopped feeling the tearing altogether when it would happen, and only realized I’d torn again when I wiped.

I finally healed properly when my gastroenterologist prescribed a nitroglycerin ointment. I haven’t torn in two and a half years.

Solice Kirsk posted:

So you felched yourself?

ro5s posted:

I've heard of explosive diarrhoea, but this is ridiculous!

Solice Kirsk posted:

Someone post that old timey story about the doctor digging literal pounds of raw wheat out of a man's rear end with a teaspoon.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Someone post that old timey story about the doctor digging literal pounds of raw wheat out of a man's rear end with a teaspoon.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Someone post that old timey story about the doctor digging literal pounds of raw wheat out of a man's rear end with a teaspoon.

Brawnfire posted:

My friend once matter-of-factly told me about something he read, idk what or where, about a couple who would take themselves out to a nice park with a picnic setup and eat each others' smegma with a small, long-handled silver spoon. It still haunts me.

Brawnfire posted:

My friend once matter-of-factly told me about something he read, idk what or where, about a couple who would take themselves out to a nice park with a picnic setup and eat each others' smegma with a small, long-handled silver spoon. It still haunts me.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Did they look down on other people that just licked the smegma straight out of their lover's crevasses like filthy uncultured animals?

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

It's 'voila'. With the 'v' sound

vwah-la. Please don't ever actually say 'walla' IRL. I do this because I care.

Jerry Cotton posted:

e: Oh sorry not the lifehack thread

Randaconda posted:

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

GE Cafe (on left, with Ron Jeremy on the right)

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

GE Cafe (on left, with Ron Jeremy on the right)

Iron Crowned posted:

drat, Ron Jeremy looks uncomfortable

cash crab posted:

show me a gross thing OR, or, PM me a nice thing