|
The Snoo posted:god this one made me physically uncomfortable yeah, she's a good writer and her husband is great for crafting miserable, awful situations. do i smell a successful writing duo maybe?
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 17:44
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 26, 2024 12:24 |
|
|
ReadingZucchini posted:yeah, she's a good writer and her husband is great for crafting miserable, awful situations. do i smell a successful writing duo maybe? Ike and Tina reboot 2017!
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 17:46
|
|
|
I don't see any issue with the ring assuming she isn't crazy. She isn't engaged anymore so it's not an engagement ring, when it was used in an engagement it wasn't imbibed with magical engagement powers, it's not haunted by a marriage that will never be, if she doesn't buy it someone else will eventually buy it and it will remain just a pretty ring. Honestly I don't even see the issue with any future partner. Maybe their relationship will be completely insecure and it will be a reminder of how she didn't follow through with a previous engagement but otherwise I doubt the history of the ring will ever come up in any meaningful way, she came into some money and bought a ring she really, really liked, it's the truth, would it be weird if the ring was returned and she bought one really, really similar to it from the same designer? Again, unless she was crazy I doubt it. When you break up there is no obligation that you rid yourself of all the artifacts from that relationship to start a new one and the people that think there is are crazy and you should stay away from them in general.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 17:51
|
|
|
She doesn't even have to lie except by omission about the ring. "Yeah, I know it's an engagement ring, but I really liked how it looked so I bought it anyways"
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:02
|
|
|
No I should get rid of my dog because I adopted him when I was in a relationship. And stepchildren should all be sent to the guillotines because they are remnants of a failed relationship."I [26M posted:think my girlfriend [31F] is taking the love languages too far"] My love languages are all of the ones you don't speak and I refuse to meet you halfway because you obviously don't love me if you expect me to wash a dish.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:02
|
|
|
I Was The Fury posted:No I should get rid of my dog because I adopted him when I was in a relationship. And stepchildren should all be sent to the guillotines because they are remnants of a failed relationship. Tell her your love language is breaking up with her.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:04
|
|
|
"My [25M posted:girlfriend [21F] is always on her phone"] Don't date millenials
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:05
|
|
|
I Was The Fury posted:I [26M] think my girlfriend [31F] is taking the love languages too far posted: I secretly judge the poo poo out of couples who read this book together.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:10
|
|
|
the gently caress is a love language
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:15
|
|
|
I am legit afraid I will not find someone to date long term because loving being on your phone when there is a real person in front of you is so mindbogglingly rude to me, but it's become the standard of behavior for my generation 
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:19
|
|
|
The concept is mostly to explain why, like, your grizzled old dad is shy about actually saying "I love you" but he checks the oil in your car whenever you come over and then he calls to make sure you got home safe. The idea is okayish but if you're getting "I have to do all the chores now" out of it, you didn't actually read it
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:23
|
|
i like nice words
|
The Snoo posted:the gently caress is a love language It is a theoretical model to understand how people express their love for others in a relationship. If it works at all it does not work the way the people in the above story are using it unless you count manipulating your partner as a valid use.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:25
|
|
|
Yeah the idea is to help people communicate better, and improving the way YOU communicate n order to be a better partner (the thought being you actually care about your partner's happiness and vice versa, so you'd both be trying to act with each other's needs and feelings in mind). Twisting that into forcing you partner to do whatever you want is not using the concepts as intended, to say the least. I think it's at the very least a nice idea for couples to talk about, to keep communication going, but like any nice and helpful idea, selfish assholes will find a way to exploit it.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:34
|
|
|
I don't trust that loving book. it reads like that poo poo put out by quiverfulls and other maniacs for the wives to read about how to "understand the ways your husband gives love" to keep them in their horrific and likely abusive marriages, and surprise surprise, the book was written by a baptist pastor with a phd from a baptist university
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:34
|
|
|
Barudak posted:It is a theoretical model to understand how people express their love for others in a relationship. If it works at all it does not work the way the people in the above story are using it unless you count manipulating your partner as a valid use. Why would a person even read a relationship book if not to manipulate better?
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:34
|
|
|
being a giant bitch is just how I show my love
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:39
|
|
|
I Was The Fury posted:No I should get rid of my dog because I adopted him when I was in a relationship. And stepchildren should all be sent to the guillotines because they are remnants of a failed relationship. Imagine having a relationship so bad that your way of fixing it is to become shittier to each other in a highly regimented and accountable way.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:51
|
|
|
tactlessbastard posted:Why would a person even read a relationship book if not to manipulate better? Counter-Operations and Anti-Relationship Partisan Task Force Training
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 18:52
|
|
|
"How do I [23M posted:help my girlfriend [24F] know that I’m attracted to her and I crave her literally all day everyday?"] In response to a commenter who asked "why only those two positions?" quote:There’s no reasoning with emotions, I’ve come to find. We do other things but only for a few short time span, then it’s right back to missionary. I’m pretty sure it stems from her not being comfortable with me which I understand. She’s very childish and vindictive which I knew going into this relationship so I’m sure that plays into it as well. Don't date insecure people Don't date masturbators Don't date childish and vindictive people Don't date honest people Don't date
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:04
|
|
|
Anne Whateley posted:The concept is mostly to explain why, like, your grizzled old dad is shy about actually saying "I love you" but he checks the oil in your car whenever you come over and then he calls to make sure you got home safe. The idea is okayish but if you're getting "I have to do all the chores now" out of it, you didn't actually read it Also the other part of this is that your partner should definitely know what your love languages are and then be responsible for making sure that you know that you're loved. lol at having 4 love languages though, that's just her being a greedy person.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:06
|
|
|
Palpek posted:People coming up with an idea to open their relationships in order to get a free pass on an affair they have been developing anyway and then getting butthurt jealous when their partner actually does find a sex hookup never gets old. To clarify I'm the person who the one partner finds after the decision was made not the guy who triggered it in the first place.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:06
|
|
|
Why are people always so down on missionary? Variety never hurt anyone but it's a drat good position.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:10
|
|
|
DragQueenofAngmar posted:I don't trust that loving book. it reads like that poo poo put out by quiverfulls and other maniacs for the wives to read about how to "understand the ways your husband gives love" to keep them in their horrific and likely abusive marriages, and surprise surprise, the book was written by a baptist pastor with a phd from a baptist university I haven't read through the whole book but I've read huge chunks of it, it's not really what you're describing at all. The intention is totally to have BOTH partners learn ways to communicate love in a way that makes a difference for the other person.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:11
|
|
|
Three Olives posted:Why are people always so down on missionary? Variety never hurt anyone but it's a drat good position. porn
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:15
|
|
|
what the hell kind of broke brains are you that nudes from your gf is a bad thing
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:16
|
|
|
Three Olives posted:Why are people always so down on missionary? Variety never hurt anyone but it's a drat good position. It is the house with the white picket fence in the suburbs of loving
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:16
|
|
|
Three Olives doesn't like the suburbs because children can be seen playing.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:24
|
|
|
Palpek posted:My (27m) wife (26f) married one year, together 5. Is kind of mean, in that "take no prisoners, get things done, do things right the first time" way and is terrible to coworkers, servers, call center people...how do I get her to calm down a bit? I was in an abusive relationship with someone like this and reading this freaked me out like a 'Nam flashback. It was exactly the same thing, she'd devote hours and sometimes even DAYS to arguing with people in order to get miniscule fees removed or get coupons honored. She'd constantly try to get things for free by arguing that service at restaurants was bad, or that waiters didn't mention some special of the day so we should get free food since we didn't know all the options. She'd call every bill company she had, argue with them for hours that she was going to cancel the card/utility/cable/whatever and then get $5 or whatever removed off the bill or get a free week of the movie channels. She'd do that every single month and argue that it was a good use of her time. She got herself banned from multiple restaurants and bars for constantly belittling the staff, and our local internet company even banned her because she "had demands that couldn't be met by the company". When that poo poo turned on me it was terrifying. I used pizza sauce instead of pasta sauce for dinner one night and she mentioned it to me for months as "a big screw up". She got physically violent at one point and that was when I finally wised up and got out. Hopefully this dude ends things before it gets to that level.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 19:33
|
|
|
1st AD posted:lol at having 4 love languages though, that's just her being a greedy person. DragQueenofAngmar posted:I don't trust that loving book. it reads like that poo poo put out by quiverfulls and other maniacs for the wives to read about how to "understand the ways your husband gives love" to keep them in their horrific and likely abusive marriages, and surprise surprise, the book was written by a baptist pastor with a phd from a baptist university 1st AD posted:I haven't read through the whole book but I've read huge chunks of it, it's not really what you're describing at all. The intention is totally to have BOTH partners learn ways to communicate love in a way that makes a difference for the other person.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:12
|
|
|
A Fancy Hat posted:I was in an abusive relationship with someone like this and reading this freaked me out like a 'Nam flashback. As a dude who worked for an ISP, I hope these people rot in hell forever. Lol at being refused service by an ISP, in the 8 years that I spent in this shithole, I saw this only like 3 times. Being rude to the staff anywhere is the mother of all red flags.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:12
|
|
|
Guys love language is always Sex / physicality. Womens love language is normally something specific but smart men try to convince them it's gifts. Kill all men.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:13
|
|
|
Pick posted:Ooooo look who got his ring there lmao. did she say yes or did she say mace is legal in this state lmao
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:16
|
|
|
The later stuff has been explicitly like "if you just like sex, that doesn't count as a love language! For touch to be your love language, you have to be really into cuddling that goes nowhere, hugging, touching each other as you pass in the kitchen, knowing how your partner likes to be touched, etc." because that was absolutely a loophole a lot of people dove for
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:17
|
|
|
Turtlicious posted:Guys love language is always Sex / physicality. :idk: mine are primarily touch and words of affirmation, followed by quality time and acts of service. My girlfriend's are primarily touch and quality time, followed very closely by acts of service and words of affirmation. Anne Whateley posted:The later stuff has been explicitly like "if you just like sex, that doesn't count as a love language! For touch to be your love language, you have to be really into cuddling that goes nowhere, hugging, touching each other as you pass in the kitchen, knowing how your partner likes to be touched, etc." because that was absolutely a loophole a lot of people dove for Yeah this.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:20
|
|
|
blarzgh posted:Haha her dad even told him to gtfo Once, when I broke up with a girl, her father told me that he was really going to miss having me around but that I was totally dodging several bullets and was glad I had the stones to end it before things got worse. It was unprompted and weirdly helpful. I still miss that alcoholic blacksmith. Not so much the daughter. I like to think if any of my kids end up being assholes to their partners, I’ll be the same way.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:23
|
|
|
Is cooking a nice dinner or baking stuff an act of service or a gift? Seems like it could be described as both. Really any act of service that could be bought seems like it overlaps with gifts. Even cleaning or w/e could theoretically be purchased via housecleaners.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:25
|
|
|
It sounds like a lot of couples take "acts of service" to mean poo poo that has to be done but I don't want to do it. "The way that you show me that you love me is do all the poo poo in the house that has to be done so we don't live like animals" "I can't show my love by just going to the store and buying some of the groceries that I eat, it's not my love language and also I don't recognize that you are doing all the poo poo work in the house because I don't speak that language but I do speak the language of gifts so you should buy me more stuff so I understand that you love me." I totally get the splitting of household responsibilities but what I see over and over again in doomed relationships is someone just refuses to pull their own weight in the household and then blames it on other bullshit like "you show your love by service so you do all the chores in the house and I will touch you later to show you that I love you. K tnx."
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:30
|
|
|
My ex's love language was loudly watching SVU without headphones while I was trying to sleep and sending nudes to people on Craigslist while I was at work.
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:30
|
|
|
Chores are not love language, that's poo poo you do even when not in a relationship, that poo poo shouldn't even be considered, other than the fact that you should thank your partner because they cooked for both of you, cleaned up both your messes, etc etc. Also, the phrase "Love Language" makes me irrationally angry. MF_James fucked around with this message at 20:38 on Nov 21, 2017 |
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:33
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 26, 2024 12:24 |
|
|
Something that is also manipulated is youre supposed to do the things the other people do as well. If your partners thing is pointless cuddling, cuddle them randomly sometimes. If theyre into gifts surprise them with flowers. Instead it tends to be “hey do your service of cleaning the house which i totes appreciate and Ill show that by having you eat me out until the health inspector shuts this buffet down”
|
|
#
?
Nov 21, 2017 20:38
|
|