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Barudak posted:It is a theoretical model to understand how people express their love for others in a relationship. If it works at all it does not work the way the people in the above story are using it unless you count manipulating your partner as a valid use. Don't elevate this book to something its not. Its not a 'theoretical model.' Its a dude from a religious school writing about how he thinks relationships should work using a system pulled from his rear end. He isn't even consistent in his 'theoretical model.' Sure hawks a lot of churchy DVDs and seminars, though.
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Nov 21, 2017 22:59
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Much like PUA bullshit this love language thing sounds like observing normal human interactions and attempting to apply rigid categorization and values to them.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:01
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Huntersoninski posted:It's not necessarily a chore getting done, it's the other person going out of their way to do something nice for you. Like, making a cup of tea or fetching a pillow or running an errand. Putting the bathroom heater on when you know the other person's about to hop in the shower on a chilly morning or making them a casserole when they're going through a rough patch or helping them apply aloe to a sunburn or whatever. It's thinking of someone and then putting in real actual effort, however slight, to make their life easier/better. But yeah there's some overlap in there for sure. how is that a love language tho that's just legitimately giving a poo poo about someone. If your partner isn't doing poo poo that makes life with them better than life without them then they're not worth dating and "but it's not my love language" is like the most laughable excuse.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:03
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man i wish i had a dishwasher
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Nov 21, 2017 23:07
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Tender Bender posted:Much like PUA bullshit this love language thing sounds like observing normal human interactions and attempting to apply rigid categorization and values to them. It’s a symptom of perfidious addiction to stuff that sounds “just sciency enough” but with no real evidence of being true, usually established using technical-esque terms and lots of categories.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:09
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ArbitraryC posted:how is that a love language tho that's just legitimately giving a poo poo about someone. If your partner isn't doing poo poo that makes life with them better than life without them then they're not worth dating and "but it's not my love language" is like the most laughable excuse. Right, the point of "love language" is to give a snappy label to a concept to allow people to approach communication better, that's all. You sort of re-contextualize little behaviors and come to understand the rules and expectations of your relationship, since literally all a relationship is is a set of rules and expectations that govern the way two or more people interact. Most relationships' rules are decided by society (the cashier and I should be polite and move quickly, the boss and employee should be professional, etc) The more personal the relationship, more you each decide what the rules should be. Giving normal communication handy titles you can grab onto like "love language" can be a tool for people to make themselves understood, that's all. Choice Theory psychology has a similar set of "needs" that govern peoples' personalities, but it's just a new way of looking at how things already are. Like of course it's just common sense and yeah in a perfect world people wouldn't need that, but here we are. E: I think interpersonal communication is probably one of the most important things in any relationship ever, and a lot of people use labels like these to kick off a conversation and learn about themselves and others, which is awesome. However a lot of people use the labels to shut down a conversation (I'm an introvert, don't ask me to change, it's just my love language don't question me) and that's extremely lovely. But users and abusers gonna use and abuse, regardless of what tool they latch on to excuse it, but if poo poo like "love languages" can help some people look at what they're doing in a different way to a positive end, I'm not gonna get bent out of shape about it. Rat Patrol fucked around with this message at 23:15 on Nov 21, 2017 |
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Nov 21, 2017 23:10
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sandoz posted:man i wish i had a dishwasher It was also lol as gently caress because he was a money weenis and didn’t realize that by not whining about splitting the check when I also got a sodie pop he could have hypothetically gotten a woman with a substantial asset base. Rookie mistake.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:11
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I don't think it's even supposed to be sciencey, there is no "women like X because of berries" or anything afaik. It's just ideas, you could have one favorite, you could have four you like, whatever. ArbitraryC posted:how is that a love language tho that's just legitimately giving a poo poo about someone. If your partner isn't doing poo poo that makes life with them better than life without them then they're not worth dating and "but it's not my love language" is like the most laughable excuse.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:18
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i like nice words
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Right. It's just a tool to help people look at what they do and why, and what they want/need and why, for folks who maybe weren't ever taught to do that and could benefit from some helpful ideas on where to start.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:20
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The only good relationship book is Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz because his advice is to stop being a whiner and take care of your own poo poo, stop trying to fix broke brained idiots, and to deal from strength or be crushed every time.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:21
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I didn’t say science, I said science-y (probably, navigating on my phone is hard). It’s about technical terms sounding more credible because of a way people are primed to think in mainstream Western culture. Always remember: any dumb gently caress can write a book, even with big words in it, and invent specious categorizations. Hell you might as well address your relationship by defining which ninja turtle you are.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:22
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I am a Raphael, I show affection through being rad and going off on my own sometimes to be ambushed by foot warriors. So, you know, spread em bitch
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Nov 21, 2017 23:24
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I'd argue if Ninja Turtles got a couple talking about their needs and learning to be considerate of each other, that'd be totally fine and cool.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:25
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I'm getting confused, Pick keeps seeming to want to give relationship advice as if we don't know she is a sad emotional trainwreck that stalks people. Pick can give relationship advice on dating people serving life in prison via the post if she ever manages to pull something off even that functional and emotionally healthy.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:26
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Pick posted:I didn’t say science, I said science-y (probably, navigating on my phone is hard). It’s about technical terms sounding more credible because of a way people are primed to think in mainstream Western culture. quote:Always remember: any dumb gently caress can write a book, even with big words in it, and invent specious categorizations. Hell you might as well address your relationship by defining which ninja turtle you are.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:30
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Turning human intimacy into a set of rules from a supplementary D&D 3.5e rulebook kind of sucks the joy out of loving someone. Have you read the internet lately?
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Nov 21, 2017 23:49
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Three Olives posted:I'm getting confused, Pick keeps seeming to want to give relationship advice as if we don't know she is a sad emotional trainwreck that stalks people. Its like a junkie giving you advice on life choices - at least you know to do the opposite of whatever he did.
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Nov 21, 2017 23:58
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Three Olives posted:I'm getting confused, Pick keeps seeming to want to give relationship advice as if we don't know she is a sad emotional trainwreck that stalks people. Pick is basically our liason to the sad world of r/relationships weirdos, like you are to the equally sad world of idiot gay yuppies
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Nov 22, 2017 00:06
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Pick posted:It’s a symptom of perfidious addiction to stuff that sounds “just sciency enough” but with no real evidence of being true, usually established using technical-esque terms and lots of categories.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:19
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Here's some 'doesn't sound sciency at all' conflict! Will my (26F) boyfriend (29M) ever get along with my parents (52F, 56M) if they listen to Alex Jones? quote:To start, I was raised in a very almost-fanatical Christian household where we were not allowed Christmas trees in the house or to celebrate Halloween because of its apparently satanic and pagan background. I was always the rebellious child who questioned the Bible, decorated the house on Christmas and snuck out for Halloween. Apparently the Dad is a doctor.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:21
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My love language is being a hosed up manchild you have to take care of while also loving on the reg. I also communicate my love by not caring about you.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:26
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pac man frogs posted:Here's some 'doesn't sound sciency at all' conflict! Your parents sound awful. Ghost them, but send cryptic messages that indicate you went into a Satanic Cult.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:29
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saw my mom naked. she was upside down in the shower. also she was crying. i had to give her some grape jelly to bring her blood sugar up. p sure we're in a relationship now.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:30
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I do love the I was always the rebellious child who questioned the Bible, decorated the house on Christmas and snuck out for Halloween. bit, that's just precious. Her rebelliousness was knocked down several orders of magnitude growing up there, at the very least.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:33
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GeneX posted:Pick is basically our liason to the sad world of r/relationships weirdos, like you are to the equally sad world of idiot gay yuppies Sad? My life is pretty awesome while Pick is a neverending pit of emotional dispair.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:34
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Lmao I went on like 2 dates with most of these guys for kicks, I did the smart thing and shot them down. I wasn’t in a relationship with them I just went on dates when I was single with people who asked me out. By angry internet rear end in a top hat standards I’m an angel.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:37
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I made a discovery: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars
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Nov 22, 2017 00:43
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I mean I've known some sad fuckin' losers in my time too.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:47
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sincx posted:I made a discovery: Thanks for showing me the next rabbit hole to jump into, jerk.
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Nov 22, 2017 00:54
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My love language is doing exactly 50% of the household chores and being respected as a person. And a daily blowjob.
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Nov 22, 2017 01:01
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this seems like kinda an extreme solution My [20F] sister [16F] pretended to be kidknapped for 2 weeks so she could go on holiday with her boyfriend. quote:She was last seen on camera with her friend at the mall two weeks ago, her friend said they split up at the mall and she doesnt know what happened after they split up. We filed a missing persons report put flyers out everywhere. My sister friend came to my house yesterday and told sister us my sister wanted to go away with her boyfriend for a month but knew my parents wouldn’t allow it and so she faked being kidknapped so she could go on the trip and was going to resurface after the trip. My sisters friend came forward because she thought the whole thing had gone too far.
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Nov 22, 2017 01:50
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Well that sounds like a very good way to get extremely grounded for the rest of high school
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Nov 22, 2017 01:54
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Shugojin posted:Well that sounds like a very good way to get extremely grounded for the rest of high school A for effort, F for planning/execution phase.
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Nov 22, 2017 02:11
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:this seems like kinda an extreme solution Should have sent demands for ransom then spent more time traveling the world.
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Nov 22, 2017 02:14
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Admiral Ray posted:Should have sent demands for ransom then spent more time traveling the world. It's this kind of thinking that made you an Admiral.
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Nov 22, 2017 02:18
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The Snoo posted:being a giant bitch is just how I show my love > /r/relationships: being a giant bitch is just how I show my love
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Nov 22, 2017 03:46
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Pick posted:Lmao I went on like 2 dates with most of these guys for kicks, I did the smart thing and shot them down. I wasn’t in a relationship with them I just went on dates when I was single with people who asked me out. By angry internet rear end in a top hat standards I’m an angel. They dodged a bullet besides being tricked on going on a date with you.
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Nov 22, 2017 04:15
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Three Olives posted:They dodged a bullet besides being tricked on going on a date with you.  Content: Boyfriend (M24) of 8 months told me (19F) that he can manipulate me easily. quote:Today we were having a conversation about what makes us who we are, what type of people we strive to be, etc. Somehow within the conversation he ended up saying, “Yeah, you let people’s bullshit walk all over you, that’s why I can manipulate you so easily.” Run, don't walk! Absurd Alhazred fucked around with this message at 04:19 on Nov 22, 2017 |
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Nov 22, 2017 04:16
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If her update isn't "Broke up with pet rear end in a top hat" then she didn't get any wisdom or confidence from her feedback.
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Nov 22, 2017 04:22
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ZearothK posted:If her update isn't "Broke up with pet rear end in a top hat" then she didn't get any wisdom or confidence from her feedback. People are telling her to use the fact that their lease is up to walk the gently caress away. Will she? (Probably not) And now someone owning themselves just in time for the holidays: Boyfriend [26M] revealed that I [24F] was the back-burner girl when we first met. He was gunning for someone else, but settled for me. How to get past this? quote:I know this all sounds super immature and I'm sure lots of you will tell me to grow up, but I've been so anxious and upset in the past two days I just need some advice. He obviously has really bad judgment, so you should break up with him. To quote the top reply: quote:He should have taken that poo poo to the grave. What is he trying to accomplish by telling you this anyway?
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Nov 22, 2017 04:28
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