- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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I meant I didn't break up with her over that incident, because even back then I wasn't a complete poo poo.
Of course, I was just curious what you meant "until she gave you a reason not to [trust her]"
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Nov 23, 2017 01:21
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 29, 2024 20:24
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- Motronic
- Nov 6, 2009
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Why would I?
E: I feel like perhaps you thought I was mocking the lady for making that request. I was not. I was mocking the man for being a grown rear end adult who not only needs to have such a request made of him, but also fails to fulfill it.
It was largely a joke, but in your edit you are beginning to understand. I suppose you've never lived around a base.
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Nov 23, 2017 01:26
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- Drunk Nerds
- Jan 25, 2011
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Just close your eyes
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Fun Shoe
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she was trying to get you to pick a fight with your drunk husband on a holiday and succeeded.
Yeah, I definitely think the wife is by far the biggest idiot here.
<Chastises her husband, but with cause>
<Other lady needles her>
<Somehow this becomes an issue between her and her husband?>
I just don't get how, apropos of no suspicion, this random flippant remark became the "biggest" issue between her and her husband. And the sad thing is that I do get it: This wife is so high strung about women potential cheating with her man that even a snide comment from a lady becomes her husband's problem. It almost fits that "projection" pattern from a wife who is cheating, but I didn't get that vibe
Also, drat, let your damned military husband show off his embarrassing ninja moves, who the gently caress cares?
Drunk Nerds fucked around with this message at 02:35 on Nov 23, 2017
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Nov 23, 2017 02:31
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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She did it in front of a bunch of his colleagues too, including the women who later used it as the basis of her jab.
e: not that I think it couldn't be a reasonable thing to bring up later after they were settled in and the husband had worked off his buzz, whether or not she fell hook line and sinker for the bait doesn't change how inappropriate the comment was.
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Nov 23, 2017 02:34
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- Drunk Nerds
- Jan 25, 2011
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Just close your eyes
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Fun Shoe
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She did it in front of a bunch of his colleagues too, including the women who later used it as the basis of her jab.
Yeah, it's probably a meme among them: The wife who freaks out on him about everything, mostly stuff he has no control over. The woman made the jab on a dare or a bored drunken lark just to see her flip out.
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Nov 23, 2017 02:35
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- Motronic
- Nov 6, 2009
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She did it in front of a bunch of his colleagues
"Colleagues" You seem to be trying to apply whatever might be kinda normal "business stuff relationships" to the military. Please stop that. It's not the same, and there is an entire subforum to prove it.
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Nov 23, 2017 02:42
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Is that dude even still alive he must be like 50.
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Nov 23, 2017 02:50
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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My [22F] coworker [35M] is overly interested in me and I don’t know how to ask him to leave me aloneNon-Romantic
submitted 5 minutes ago by AUmiqueUsername
This feels a lot more complicated than the title suggests so I’m putting down some background to the situation:
+ I work in a very small company (<10 employees), everyone knows everyone and this one coworker (CW) is well liked
+ CW is married and has a child
+ I used to carpool with CW and another coworker for about 2 months until I moved house
+ CW has mentioned once or twice that I remind him of his younger brother. This helped to convince me that the friendship was unromantic
+ I am in no way interested in CW romantically
+ I do not want to leave my job
Now for what’s been happening recently:
A few months ago I received a Facebook message from CW at 1am, basically asking me if I was free the next day but in the form of a lovely pick up line. At the time I had a some personal dramas going on so when I saw the message I brushed it off as a joke but forgot to reply. A few hours later I received a very long message from CW, apologising profusely for being out of line (?) and that he was going through a rough time. This made me feel uneasy, it seemed to suggest that the first message wasn’t some poor joke but that CW was going for something romantic. I really really really don’t want to ever be that person who breaks up a marriage for whatever reason and I had convinced myself that my friendship with CW was purely platonic so this blindsided me a bit. I avoided CW at work for the next few days before I could collect my thoughts and sent a text telling him that he had made me feel uncomfortable and that I was in no way interested in him romantically, but that I wouldn’t say anything to anyone because I thought he was good for the company and i didn’t want to make things awkward. He seemed to understand and accept that.
Things returned to some sort of normal, CW was less helpful at work and occasionally made some mildly insulting comments but I put that down to the idea that I was getting special treatment before I shut him down and now I was just being treated like everyone else.
Then my birthday came around.
At the end of the work day I received a text from CW telling me that there was a present for me in his desk if I wanted it. It was a plush toy, harmless enough. I accepted the gift because I thought it was a nice gesture and the toy was bought from an animal welfare group. I was a little unsure of if I should have accepted or not though.
Everything continues on as it was until one day CW ominously asks me if our manager had talked to me about “things”. When I made it clear I didn’t know what he was talking about, he refused to elaborate, told me he would explain the following day and then left very quickly. I sent him a message asking again what he meant, and letting him know that saying something like that and then leaving is a pretty awful thing to do. His reply was along the lines of “I know I’m an awful person, you don’t have to remind me.”
This whole thing made me panicky as all hell. I had no clue what he meant but it came across that I was in trouble for something and since our manager was away for the week I couldn’t directly ask him. The next day goes by and I don’t talk to CW at all, in fact I barely speak to him for the rest of the week.
That Saturday I get another long message from CW, apologising and mentioning that he hears things at work that he doesn’t want to know but sometimes feels obligated to repeat. What the hell is that supposed to mean? That line alone was pretty distressing and had me questioning if I was about to lose my job.
That was a week ago now, at this point I really just want CW to leave me alone outside of work but I don’t know how to approach it. Am I overreacting? Would it be unreasonable to show my manager the messages CW has sent me and ask for his advice? I don’t know who to go to.
TL;DR: coworker continues to do/say upsetting things and follows them with really long apologetic messages. How do I get him to stop? Am I overreacting to his behaviour?
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Nov 23, 2017 02:57
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Me [26F] with my live in partner [27 M] 2 years, HE WONT CLEANRelationships
submitted an hour ago by 92302
quote:Let me preface this with: I am NOT willing to break up. I love him and this is not a complete deal breaker. But I'm getting tired. I'll keep it as short as possible, though it takes so much self restraint not to rant.
My bf was kicked out of his parent's house for various reasons. Namely his age, him dropping out of post secondary school for the umpteenth time, and now I'm realizing probably his laziness. I took him in and we've lived together for about a year. I recently got a new full-time job after two years of unemployment due to mental health issues. While I was unemployed I would usually do the heavy lifting for cleaning. Now we have divided the tasks and he is responsible for dishes, taking out the garbage, and putting away his own laundry.
He's not doing it.
I come home exhausted every day to a disgusting house. Dishes piled up in the sink so high that it makes it difficult to clean anything, seeing as there is no space. Garbage overflowing and stinking. Used plates and empty family sized chip bags left on the table. Beard trimmings in the bathroom sink. Empty toilet paper rolls on the bathroom floor RIGHT BESIDE THE GARBAGE CAN... He works a late shift that starts in the evening, but the time he spends from when he rolls out of bed at ~12pm to when he leaves 4+ hours later is exclusively dedicated to video games. When he gets home around ~10-11pm he's right back vidjya gaming until maybe 3-4am.
I struggle with severe anxiety and moderate depression. Coming home to this every day is affecting my mood. The frustrating part is I have talked to him about this more times than I can count, from casually to ultimatums, and nothing is changing. What can I say to him for this to change?? I can't live like this. But god, I love this guys SO much and every time I ask he does it. He just needs to be prompted several times because he "forgets"
tl;dr: Boyfriend is a slob, says he will change, doesn't.
men... men never changes 
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Nov 23, 2017 02:59
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- Emmideer
- Oct 20, 2011
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Lovely night, no?
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Grimey Drawer
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CW sounds like an idiotic mess, personally and professionally.
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Nov 23, 2017 03:00
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Also, drat, let your damned military husband show off his embarrassing ninja moves, who the gently caress cares?
Funny part was in the comments was some dude who thought his hands should be registered as lethal weapons waxing poetic about how unacceptable it was for some military goons to wrestle in the grass after drinking because of how seriously this dude's ninja moves could have maimed someone.
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Nov 23, 2017 03:00
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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My [25F] fiancé[27M] was “unaware” of his debt...massive fight. Am I unreasonable to cancel holiday plans?Relationships
submitted 5 hours ago by apple98765quote:
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years, engaged for one. We live together, share expenses, have a joint account for household expenses and some savings then we each save and spend or own money with separate accounts. Everything is great- never missed a bill, have extra money, all is great.
This morning my fiancé was complaining about his student loans that he’s been paying since graduation (5 years ago). I asked him how much he had left casually and supportively- I said “yeah it’s annoying but you’ve been paying for years now you’re almost done”. He responds “yeah probably”. I ask “probably?” This is where things turned a little more serious he says he never checked his balance and he just has automatic payment set up. We log on to his account and of course his minimum automatic hasn’t touched the principal. He’s been burning money for years just to pay interest and he is able to pay way more than the interest and tackle the principal he just never bothered to double check his payment amount and allocations which is BEYOND frustrating. So after 5 years of “paying debt” his $60,000 in private loans is still $60,000.
Honestly I’m more than frustrated. His stupid oversight and carelessness cost US and our future THOUSANDS. The fight escalated obviously and he said “I clearly didn’t want to throw money away- I made a mistake stop talking to me like I’m stupid”. But I didn’t mean to talk to him like he was stupid- it’s just his mild reaction that was essentially a shrug made me think he didn’t realize how much money he wasted. Back and forth happened and it ended with me telling him he was a grown man and needs to be on top of his debts especially if we’re starting a life together and he responded calling me condescending and emphasized the “IF” In us starting a life together.
We are supposed to go to his parents house for Thanksgiving and I’m hurt because I didn’t mean “if” as in we wouldn’t start a life together, I was just saying that now that we are he needs to be aware of his finances. It was more of me not being careful in my diction rather than showing uncertainty. He turned it into a really cruel thing by sayin “yeah IF”. I don’t know I just never thought he’d throw our engagement in my face even if I did upset him. I just don’t want to speak to him right now and can’t imagine being surrounded with people asking about our lives and wedding and plans when this is probably the lowest place we’ve been in in a while.
Am I being silly? Is the goal here to avoid a scene and just go to the holidays? Will it be over dramatic of me if I don’t? Any advice appreciated
TLDR: fiance and I got into a big fight about his debt / my reaction to his debt and I want to know if it’s unreasonable of me to cancel plans for the holidays
holy poo poo haha drat. jesus.
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Nov 23, 2017 03:01
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- Admiral Ray
- May 17, 2014
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Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy
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My [22F] coworker [35M] is overly interested in me and I don’t know how to ask him to leave me aloneNon-Romantic
submitted 5 minutes ago by AUmiqueUsername
This feels a lot more complicated than the title suggests so I’m putting down some background to the situation:
+ I work in a very small company (<10 employees), everyone knows everyone and this one coworker (CW) is well liked
+ CW is married and has a child
+ I used to carpool with CW and another coworker for about 2 months until I moved house
+ CW has mentioned once or twice that I remind him of his younger brother. This helped to convince me that the friendship was unromantic
+ I am in no way interested in CW romantically
+ I do not want to leave my job
Now for what’s been happening recently:
A few months ago I received a Facebook message from CW at 1am, basically asking me if I was free the next day but in the form of a lovely pick up line. At the time I had a some personal dramas going on so when I saw the message I brushed it off as a joke but forgot to reply. A few hours later I received a very long message from CW, apologising profusely for being out of line (?) and that he was going through a rough time. This made me feel uneasy, it seemed to suggest that the first message wasn’t some poor joke but that CW was going for something romantic. I really really really don’t want to ever be that person who breaks up a marriage for whatever reason and I had convinced myself that my friendship with CW was purely platonic so this blindsided me a bit. I avoided CW at work for the next few days before I could collect my thoughts and sent a text telling him that he had made me feel uncomfortable and that I was in no way interested in him romantically, but that I wouldn’t say anything to anyone because I thought he was good for the company and i didn’t want to make things awkward. He seemed to understand and accept that.
Things returned to some sort of normal, CW was less helpful at work and occasionally made some mildly insulting comments but I put that down to the idea that I was getting special treatment before I shut him down and now I was just being treated like everyone else.
Then my birthday came around.
At the end of the work day I received a text from CW telling me that there was a present for me in his desk if I wanted it. It was a plush toy, harmless enough. I accepted the gift because I thought it was a nice gesture and the toy was bought from an animal welfare group. I was a little unsure of if I should have accepted or not though.
Everything continues on as it was until one day CW ominously asks me if our manager had talked to me about “things”. When I made it clear I didn’t know what he was talking about, he refused to elaborate, told me he would explain the following day and then left very quickly. I sent him a message asking again what he meant, and letting him know that saying something like that and then leaving is a pretty awful thing to do. His reply was along the lines of “I know I’m an awful person, you don’t have to remind me.”
This whole thing made me panicky as all hell. I had no clue what he meant but it came across that I was in trouble for something and since our manager was away for the week I couldn’t directly ask him. The next day goes by and I don’t talk to CW at all, in fact I barely speak to him for the rest of the week.
That Saturday I get another long message from CW, apologising and mentioning that he hears things at work that he doesn’t want to know but sometimes feels obligated to repeat. What the hell is that supposed to mean? That line alone was pretty distressing and had me questioning if I was about to lose my job.
That was a week ago now, at this point I really just want CW to leave me alone outside of work but I don’t know how to approach it. Am I overreacting? Would it be unreasonable to show my manager the messages CW has sent me and ask for his advice? I don’t know who to go to.
TL;DR: coworker continues to do/say upsetting things and follows them with really long apologetic messages. How do I get him to stop? Am I overreacting to his behaviour?
You need to dump this company pronto and  before he escalates into Stalker Mode and starts leaving creepy plushie's everywhere, including in your bedroom.
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Nov 23, 2017 03:06
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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Don't marry this gently caress up. His attitude towards debt is the same attitude towards any long term commitment, so he'll be the "minimum payment" husband and father, should you go that route.
"Minimum paternity deposit" is going to be my future euphemism for semen.
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Nov 23, 2017 03:21
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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My (28f) husband (29m) of 10 years is a semi-pro athlete. He has an amazingly generous sponsor who gives me and the kids (7, 2) an incredible amount of clothes and shoes, but it's REALLY crappy stuff. He wants us to wear it all the time but I just can't see doing that.
quote:
Throwaway for obvious reasons since there's certainly people on reddit who my husband is.
Basically he's a semi pro athlete, but in a very non-traditional sport so it's not like he makes a salary from a team or anything. Basically, his entire income comes from his sponsors, most of whom are amazing. The reason he's not a "full pro" is because he still has a manager position at a store related to his sport which he doesn't want to quit.
Maybe in June he was contacted by an up and coming sportswear company who wanted to give him both money and clothes. It's by far his biggest money deal and the company really likes him. They are also very nice to me and the kids, they've paid for us to go to their headquarters, take a tour, gave us a sweet deal at a resort (free massages, spa day, you name it, all i had to do was ask) and a few days at a nearby amusement park. The people are so nice it's not even funny. The basically gave me a special coupon code to their website and I can order literally as much as I want whenever I want. They explained to me, "do your all your Xmas shopping, give it all away, we don't care...we just want people wearing our stuff." Since they make clothes and shoes for several sports and are expanding into adult/kid active wear, I was able to do all our back to school shopping and redo a big chunk of my wardrobe.
The problem is, at least at this stage of this companies life span, their manufacturing leaves MUCH to be desired. Shoes have fallen apart, seams rip all the time, I got synthetic down jackets for the kids that have literally exploded because the seams gave way.
As things have started to give out, I've slowly started to phase back in older clothes (thank god I didn't get rid of it all) and buy stuff from more traditional stores like Old Navy and Target.
My husband just confronted me and said that if this company was generous enough to give us so much stuff, I had to wear it and keep the kids in it, he said it's sort of an unspoken part of his sponsorship. I got really defensive and said this company isn't writing me a check, he got defensive back and said they gave us a free $10000 vacation that during which we didn't even have to tip. I said that was true and I appreciated it, but since he's basically been gone the entire fall he hasn't been the one who's had to rush to school twice in one day because our son's jeans ripped right along with the underwear they gave us. His point was that when that happens I should just order new stuff since they don't care how much I get. I said that's crazy and very wasteful and completely not convenient, especially since he's gone so much and this stuff fails at the worst of times (for example during the zombie run at the school Halloween party) and I have to account for emergency clothes changes.
We sort of left in a huff and haven't really spoken which really sucks because this is one of his only weekends home until Xmas, save for a few days here and there.
Should I just bite the bullet and do what he asks because no matter the quality, they have been insanely generous with us. Or do I do what I feel is right, especially since I'm essentially doing it myself since he's gone so much?
tl;dr: Husband is a semi-pro athlete, one of his sponsors was incredibly generous and hooked us up with a ton of clothes. Sadly the clothes is just not that high of quality and has ripped, blown apart and shredded itself. He thinks I should dress myself and the kids in this companies stuff all the time, I disagree. How do we solve this?
American Ninja Warrior, Crossfit, or E-sports?
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Nov 23, 2017 04:19
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Me [29M] dating a girl [29F] for four weeks, are these red flags too too big?
quote:I met a girl online that I've been on 4 dates with and she has a great personality. We have fun on dates. We talk for over an hour on the phone at least every other day. But I'm concerned about some red flags and wondering if I need to stop this now. I'll preface everything by saying that initially these things were of a bit of concern to me but I like her, but my friends are basically saying "run."
She has self esteem issues. On our last date she mentioned that she doesn't want to be in any pictures and specifically stated that she thinks she has body dysmorphic disorder. She wants to get a nose job, but admitted that after she has that done she will probably be fixated on some other perceived appearance shortcoming that will bother her for a while. She admitted she has low self-esteem about her appearance. However, she did joke once that it was a good thing she was cute, as otherwise her quirks would always turn people off.
She sleeps at odd times. She has a day job, she's smart and in a teaching field where there's a lot of competition, she's part time now, but hoping for full time, and she's off during the summer. But she sleeps very little, if at all, and if she does sleep, sleeps from around 5AM to 10 or 11 AM. I don't share that schedule and have more of a normal "day" schedule.
She doesn't eat much at all. She checks her weight every single day and will refrain from eating because of it. She stated that she gained around 7 pounds in the last month and is trying to lose it now. She constantly mentions that she eats next to nothing, and we've been avoiding dinner dates or any type of food or dessert because of it, except froyo. She has days where she only eats something light (like nuts). Apparently even when her "dieting" is over she will not eat much.
She cries a lot. Never in front of me, but she says she will cry at many things (e.g. at a Taylor Swift song, in public, cake drops and is ruined on a cake making show) and wakes up crying for no reason from time to time (she didn't want to explain why). She's prone to sounding a bit down from time to time, but I can notice improvement during the course of a phone call. Before our second date, she was agitated that i didn't immediately suggest dinner even though it hadn't sounded like she cares one way or the other... It was an odd conversation and she was embarrassed about it afterwards.
She has problems scheduling time for us to see each other on weekends and says she's lost friends because of it. If her older brother is home, she will drop just about anything, including scheduled dates, for it, for the entire day, even though her brother only lives less than an hour away and returns home constantly. This effectively kills any Saturday unless it's late night. What bothers me about that is not that she is close to her family, but the failure to keep or make commitments if her brother is, or might be, in town, unless it's late night or after he leaves.
About a year ago her long-term, 7 year relationship ended and she describes her ex as someone that acted like a child and said things that knocked her down, only to build her back up again, and repeat. Was a jerk in many different ways and often yelled at her. She's mentioned that he talked to her father about marrying her, but I don't know how it ended after that. She usually won't bring him up unless there's some funny story she has, which is good, considering how long that relationship was.
She went nuts with online dating about a month ago, went on around 30 dates (with 15 guys) in one month and still talks to some of them. She cried because she went on multiple third dates in one week and had multiple first kisses. However according to her she's calmed down with that and now (mostly) goes on dates with me.
tl;dr: Doesn't eat and is obsessed with her weight, is emotional, has odd sleeping pattern, admitted low self-esteem with body issues, not always reliable with scheduling commitments, finished possibly mentally abusive, long-term previous relationship- is this too much and should I get out now?
Edit: sorry about two "toos" in the title.
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Nov 23, 2017 05:07
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- DragQueenofAngmar
- Dec 29, 2009
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You shall not pass!
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ruuuuun like fuckin hell
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Nov 23, 2017 07:28
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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I (28f) just tried to back to work after maternity leave. I've decided that I can't do it and want to be a SAHM. husband (31m) is thrilled. Mom (54f) and MIL (67f) are treating me like I'm a traitor and will not stop badgering me that I "need" to work
quote:u/mom67_mom67
Background: I had my daughter just over six months ago. It's love like I can't even describe. I've always told myself, my friends and my family that I was committed to my career and that I was so excited to go back to work after my maternity leave was up. Secretly I was dreading the day that I had to leave her. My husband and I spent crazy amount of time and research finding the "perfect" day care before she was even born and we actually had to pay a finding fee and a full month's "tuition" before she attended as a holding fee. This payment is actually more than our mortgage. The last week or so I dreaded dropping my duaghter off more than you can imagine even though we'd found the "perfect" day care.
Dropoff wasn't terrible and my first day at work wasn't nearly as bad as I had anticipated because there was a lot of excitement to see me back at work. However not only did i get stuck in traffic on the way to pick her up (despite sneaking out 15 minutes early), when I got there she had crusted poop in her diaper and she had been laying there screaming for I don't even know how long and no one had bothered to pick her up. I was DEVASTATED because even though she won't remember it, that was probably the most traumatic thing to ever happen to her and I wasn't there to help her.
I cried at home with my husband and he said that if I wanted to quit or take some more time off, he was all in favor of it. He even offered that he would take a sabbatical at his work if mine was that important to me. I figured that maybe this was just first day jitters and decided to try it again.
Day 2, I decided I wanted to see her again at lunch time so I went in and had to fill out an insane amount of "mid day visit" paper work just to see my own daughter. When i finally got in, she was again covered in poop and it must have been hours since her diaper was changed. After the paper work and her diaper I decided then and there that I'd had it. I took her home immediately. I asked my husband to come home and watch her while i went and talked with my bosses.
For their part they were beyond cool with me. They offered to let me take as much time as I want and either come back to work in my current position or even take a demotion and work part time from home. I thanked them for their incredible generosity and told them I would think about it. Some coworkers were pissed because I was leaving them hanging but i truly didn't care. My husband is super excited because he was having the same reservations i was and now he says he doesn't have to worry about the care our daughter gets.
The last few days of last week were amazing and I felt like I'd found my place in the world again just spending my entire day with her.
When my mom and MIL found out they went ballistic. Both are incredibly professional women who have scraped themselves to the highest levels of their respective fields. Since my husband told both of them I was going to stay at home for a while longer, i've taken no less than 10 phone calls from both of them pleading with me to reconsider. My MIL is worse in that every day she forwards me articles and shares things on facebook with a general theme of how much better kids in day care are at adjusting to school, how they do better in college...and the creme de la creme: a journal article about the "why you're contemplating suicide as a stay at home mom."
I've made my mind up, I'm staying at home with her as long as I can. I may take my company up on the part time offer, I may not. All I know is that I'm at home with her where I belong and I'm very, very happy. So is my husband. We are supposed to see both of them tomorrow at thanksgiving.
What should I be ready to say to them since obviously this is going to come up? My husband says we should just get a turkey dinner from Boston Market and avoid them as long as they are going to be lovely to me. Is this an ok option as well?
tl:dr: how do I deal with my mom and MIL and their badgering that I made the wrong choice by not going back to work and choosing to stay at home with my daughter?
You must make the exact same child raising decisions as we did. Presumably play groups exist in the US? Yes you’re having to watch them like a hawk still, but they get their social interaction there, and you get to make friends too.
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Nov 23, 2017 08:31
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- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
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Exploration is ill-advised.
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That day care sounds like a huge scam.
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Nov 23, 2017 08:35
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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That day care sounds like a huge scam.
Yeah her choice is her own but lol at the premium daycare that neglects kids in the most flagrant manner possible.
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Nov 23, 2017 08:48
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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Yeah her choice is her own but lol at the premium daycare that neglects kids in the most flagrant manner possible.
She could be being a hyper-attentive mother and subconsciously exaggerating things in order to justify/rationalise her choice. Subjective opinion here, but I agree with her - at 6 months babies are wriggly buggers but likely too small for pull up nappies, I can’t imagine leaving a wage slave to do it - it’s a frustrating experience at that age. We have longer maternity leave in the UK and I guess some people do it, but it’s just odd to me.
Content!
My [27F] dad [57F] is threatening to cut me off because I’m coming over for Thanksgiving breakfast instead of dinner.
quote:u/mercedesmccarthy
Edit: Fathers gender is M not F.
I’m a daddy’s girl, an only child, to a great set of parents. They are well off and worked their asses off for it, coming from the trailer park to where they are now. (I grew up in said trailer; just trying to add relevant context.) We went from eating whatever we could get from the food bank for dinner when I was a small child to having anything we could ever dream of. I give my parents tremendous credit and they are truly my heroes.
One catch; my dad holds everything over my head money wise. Even before I could work he would make me thank him for every meal, he consistently brings up how great of child hood was and how I’ll never be able to give my daughter the same life, how I’ll never be as successful as my parents (all true, just hurtful.)
One time in college I didn’t answer his phone call after crashing one morning pulling an all-nighter to study for midterms and he drained my account to “teach me a lesson.” I scraped together change and did odd jobs to eat the rest of the semester on short notice. Then when he was “over it” he randomly put money in my account again and called me so I could thank him, around finals time. Emotionally draining. Since then I got a consistent job so I wouldn’t be dependent on him.
I don’t actually take money from him anymore, but money comes up. He noticed my tires were near the wear bar and took my car while I was at work (mom has spare keys for cars and apartment as a safety net, I have copies of theirs) and got me four new ones plus a full tank of gas. I was grateful but I didn’t ask for it and he kept bringing it up so I could thank him for weeks. It’s exhausting.
I just had a child recently and my mom has been bringing over meals and groceries to help me out the first few weeks. When I was cleared to drive I went over for dinner and it was the first thing out of his mouth:
“must be nice to have the groceries we bought.” “who else can help you like this?” “Aren’t you grateful to have parents like us?”
Yes, yes and yes. I always say thank you, always give compliments, always send thank you notes when appropriate. It’s never enough.
I have asked him to stop, told him I am old enough to be on my own, married, with a child. I pay my bills and we are buying a home. He still just “helps” whenever he feels like it.
Today was the last straw; he called and screamed at me because I was coming over for breakfast with my daughter and having dinner with my husbands family for Thanksgiving. He called me a piece of poo poo and asked why I would have dinner with the people that can’t help finically vs. them. Said he’s “cutting me off” and “I’ll never see him or his money again.” My husband was in the room and went to grab the phone but my father hung up. I’m honestly embarrassed he heard it first hand and how he shamed my husbands family because they couldn’t help money wise.
I’m honestly ready to go no contact, I just can’t take it anymore, it’s constant rear end kissing, especially when I don’t ask for the things he gives. My question is how can I do this without cutting contact from my mom? And is it fair to cut off my daughter from him too? Am I being a spoiled brat? My head is spinning.
TL;DR Dad is super manipulative with money and I want to go no contact.
I love your holiday. It brings out all the drama.
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Nov 23, 2017 09:05
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- Palpek
- Dec 27, 2008
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Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.
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The usual kid incomaptibility story but the kicker is in the comments:
Feel like I [31F] am running out of biological clock, bf [24m] 1 yr doesn't want kids, but we can't bear to break up, need advice on if I should end it.
quote:
Dating for almost a year, good friends and coworkers for 2 years prior. (We both adored each other from the start but kept our feelings on the DL for 2 years because of the age difference and professional respect. It's actually a really adorable story how we finally figured it out and started dating, but that's for a different post!)
I want to have kids and my time feels like it's running out. He follows anti natalist philosophy and believes it's immoral to have children because parents traumatize children and life includes suffering. I think he had a lovely childhood and he says he can't picture childhood being good.
I don't want to leave him but I feel like crying a lot. He doesn't want to leave either. Sometimes we talk about it and we agree we want to stay together, but he doesn't want to lie to me about giving me kids, but he can't predict the future so he just can't tell me what will/won't happen. He says everyone tells him he will change his mind and admits he's young and can't even loving imagine the responsibility of kids. Fwiw he loves kids and is really good with them.
He did say I could very likely convince him about adoption. But there's age limits for parents trying to adopt. I always wanted to have a bio kid and then foster as many foster kids as I can. I am really mourning the loss of my future biokid.
I don't want to leave him because I've had so many lovely or incompatible bfs, I don't want to be searching again, it's not that I'm afraid of being alone so much as I have a lot to compare him to, and he's just better than everyone else I've tried to date. He's a super affectionate, intelligent, and dedicated partner who puts a lot of effort into making me happy, and we have so much fun hanging out, and inspire each other to be better people in a very real sense.
I feel like this is the most real relationship I've had in years, after so long if being jerked around by cheaters and tinder dates and other shite dating experiences, but isn't the advice always to break up over disagreeing on kids kids.
I am really struggling with this impossible choice - I finally found a "best friend boyfriend" after 15 years of dating, but logically I'm supposed to dump him because we disagree on kids. If I was younger maybe the choice would be easier, but I just can't bear the idea of being 32 and wanting kids and going back into the absolute hell of dating. I would really like to hear advice on what I should do in this situation.
tl;dr: Should I stay or should I go now? Disagree about kids (possible adoption compromise). Both otherwise incredibly dedicated and happy in the relationship. quote:I don't want to leave him though. Maybe I should use my therapist as grief counselor to mourn the loss I feel about children?
The problem clearly is my need to have children, let me therapy my way out of it 
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Nov 23, 2017 09:35
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- Anne Whateley
- Feb 11, 2007
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 i like nice words
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I (28f) just tried to back to work after maternity leave. I've decided that I can't do it and want to be a SAHM. husband (31m) is thrilled. Mom (54f) and MIL (67f) are treating me like I'm a traitor and will not stop badgering me that I "need" to work
You must make the exact same child raising decisions as we did. Presumably play groups exist in the US? Yes you’re having to watch them like a hawk still, but they get their social interaction there, and you get to make friends too.
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Nov 23, 2017 13:18
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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My boyfriend [18m] cheated on me. What do I do about the thanksgiving dinner plan?
quote:u/boyfriendoftheyear1
Me and my family are supposed to be going over to my boyfriend house for thanksgiving dinner. We held thanksgiving at my house last year, and now it’s my boyfriends parents turn so to speak.
Our families get on really well. We’ve all known each other for over ten years! Our parents were friends that’s how me and Dylan knew eachother. We’ve been together for 3 years.
Last night, dylan confessed something dreadful to me. He had slept with a friend he had met for drinks four days ago. He was apologetic but I don’t know what I’m going to do with our relationship. Ive always thought I’d never forgive things like this because I always believed “once a cheat always a cheat.” It’s totally different when it’s you in the situation I think. There’s personal feelings involved and a past you don’t really want to forget.
I’m stuck in this situation atm but I’m more stuck with the issue with thanksgiving. We are supposed to be happy families later. With our families sitting together and being thankful(!!) I just don’t think I can sit at a table with him and pretend everything is okay. Especially with the situation so raw. None of our families know what he did yet, and I don’t want to ruin everyone’s day by causing a huge drama with our relationship. It’s supposed to be a happy time and I know 100% that my parents (especially my mom) will absolutely freak knowing that Dylan has broken my heart like this. I don’t want to upset them.
So I’m asking for advice on what to do in this situation. I don’t know whether to go and act normal, or to let everyone know. It’s too late for my parents to have a thanksgiving at our home. So it isn’t like I can just stay home and have thanksgiving here. All advice welcome please.
TLDR : boyfriend cheated on me. Only found out last night. We are supposed to be having thanksgiving at his house with both our families today. What do I do? I fill up with dread thinking I have to sit next to him at a table for hours. What do you suggest?
quote:
CormoranStrikesBack• 2h
gently caress all this noise. If I were your mother, I’d be SO hurt and furious that you thought I cared more about some god drat turkey and stuffing than I did about your dignity and wellbeing. Call that assholes mother and tell her PRECISELY why none of you are coming, and have a giant bucket of KFC with your loving and supportive parents.
This jerk doesn’t deserve to play happy families at Thanksgiving after he did that to you.
quote:●
boyfriendoftheyear1 • 33m
Thank you.
I told my parents after I read your comment. We were supposed to go to my boyfriend(ex) family’s house for 1. But we didn’t go, (we did tell Dylan’s parents why, they aren’t happy with him). my parents and I are making our own dinner and are spending the day together.
They told me that they would rather have a small dinner with just me, rather than having a big dinner when Dylan did what he did. (My mother is furious with Dylan) That my happiness comes first. I told them I was afraid of ruining everyones day but they told me I had nothing to be afraid off and they only want what’s best for me.
I am very thankful for them and love them so much..
Thank you for you help!!
A reddit success story!
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Nov 23, 2017 15:57
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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My wife's siblings all agreed last night not to mention the T-word in front of her parents today so we should have an easy day of giving thanks; with the only barbs being directed at the unmarried adults in attendance.
Happy thanksgiving, relationship thread!
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Nov 23, 2017 16:40
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- Bunni-kat
- May 25, 2010
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Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?
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My wife's siblings all agreed last night not to mention the T-word
Transgender?
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Nov 23, 2017 16:55
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 29, 2024 20:24
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- blarzgh
- Apr 14, 2009
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SNITCHIN' RANDY
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Grimey Drawer
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Titties
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Nov 23, 2017 17:00
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Nov 23, 2017 01:21
Cat Army 
