- Three Olives
- Apr 10, 2005
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Not a single fucking olive in sight
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Do Pick and Three Olives have jobs? How are they constantly posting?
I'm on welfare.
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Nov 29, 2017 23:20
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 12, 2024 17:44
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Do Pick and Three Olives have jobs? How are they constantly posting?
I have almost completely stopped effort-posting because of my job but today I have the flu, bad, so I'm home 
99% of your answer is my absurd typing speed because of my spiderfingats.
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Nov 29, 2017 23:33
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- Emmideer
- Oct 20, 2011
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Lovely night, no?
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Grimey Drawer
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Thank you for the insights into your lives, GBS personalities Three Olives and Pick.
Now to the news.
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Nov 29, 2017 23:48
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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My [19 F] husband [19 M] together 3years, married 8months prefers to play League of Legends over spending time with/talking to me.Relationships
135 points 115 comments submitted 1 year ago by lolismyenemy to r/relationshipsquote:
My husband and I met in high school and have been together for 3 years. I have been a house wife all of this time because he is in the army (appx. 1 year) and I am in school/looking for work. He started playing League of Legends 7 months ago and this is all he wants to do now when he is at home. He works from 7:30am-4:30pm 5 days a week and plays league as much as he can.
When I pick him up from work we talk about our days in the car for the 5 minute ride and as soon as we get home, he goes to the computer. He plays league until the dinner I cook is ready and then right after dinner he hops back on league until he decides it's bed time. He also plays league ALL day every Saturday and Sunday. This is not a regular video game, it is an online live game with tons of other players. He cannot pause it or he'll die and he cannot just quit or his account will be deleted. He also spends about $30 a month to play the game with certain characters and what not. So he DEFINITELY would never just leave a game to do absolutely ANYTHING. I'm not even sure he'd do that if I were choking or dying in some way..
This frustrates me SOOO much, it has for months - and he knows this. I have begged him to spend time with me or just talk to me and he always argues with me until I walk away crying and then he just goes back to playing league.
I have tried to ask him to play less too many times to count and all he does is patronize me and says these same phrases that frustrate me and stump me because they're so rude, inconsiderate, and insulting: "I won't stop you from going and doing stuff without me, just do what you want by yourself or go make some friends." "If you had a job you would probably understand the need to just let off steam." "Why don't you go find something to do and leave me alone" "What do you want to talk about? It's not like you do anything and there's nothing to talk about." And when I ask him to go out and do stuff with me, all he does is give me excuses as to why he "can't" or why "we can do that some other time" or why "we should just stay in and save money."
He knows some of the things that he says to me are just outright rude, or he at least knows that that's how I see it. I really think he just says things like this until I get so upset that I just walk away and give up for the day. And I really don't have friends here because we just moved so I have no one to hang out with. I could go and make friends, but I am not that great with conversing with complete strangers and asking them for their number or whatever. Plus, we live in a large city so it can be dangerous to go do things by myself because I honestly don't know the first thing about self-defense. I also don't know which places in town are known to be sketchy. I really also don't even try because I don't want to go hang out all by myself, I want to hang out with my husband.I guess he just doesn't feel the same way.
I really don't understand why this game is so important to him and it has honestly taken my husband away from me. He used to be so sweet and he used to love talking with me, going out with me, going to the gym with me, playing sports together, playing with our dog, etc. He just doesn't want to do anything with me anymore. All he does is play that damned game. I hate it so much. I feel so alone most of the time and this is just really upsetting me. I'm afraid I'll want a divorce in a year or two if this does not change. I really wish he would just give up this video game. It's not all video games - I'm fine with him playing COD, Halo, Fallout, etc. for 2 hours every day!! It's just this ONE GAME.
Can anyone offer my any advice? I am really right up against a wall on this one. I have no idea how to approach this. Like I said, I have tried many times but that was just me whining to him that he doesn't spend enough time with me/ talk to me. It is clearly not working. I really want my husband back.
tl;dr: My husband plays League of Legends 24/7 and would rather do that than spend time with/talk to me. I need help! 
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Nov 29, 2017 23:50
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Me [21F] with my SO [31MF] of 9 months said he is uncomfortable with my body typeRelationships
125 points 114 comments submitted 3 years ago by pinknature to r/relationships
quote:
I've met a man 10 years my senior through online dating. He was devilishly sexy, charming, and hilarious. After a few months, I also learned he's brutally honest, moralistic, and semi-critical of appearances BUT I love him -- no one's perfect, right?  )
quote:I will first admit I have rarely felt satisfied with my body. I feel like a cute stump, but a stump nevertheless. It took me about 4 months of FB messaging him before I could summon the courage and confidence to meet him in real life. First I was hesitant because I didn't want to be used for sex. I told him that and he responded, "I don't really find you that physically attractive. I love your personality." THEN, I became poo poo deep in self-loathing and ignored him. He kept messaging me though, again and again, and we met.
I never forgot his comments about my looks. I bring it up today to justify my current inadequacies but he disregards what he said saying, "I didn't even get to see you in real life yet. I find you attractive! You're adorable! You're taking it out of context." God help me, am I? Am I the self-hating, insecure, over-analytical victim? He tells me I'm putting my insecurities on him and I need to see a therapist.
I've compiled a playlist of moments he has made me utterly insecure about my body. The time in the car, "You're not my physical type. I usually go for longer girls. But I love you for you." Watching TV, "I'd do her (skinny model)," "She can get it," "She's a good-lookin' girl," "I like her. She has a small frame." Lying in bed together, playfully grabbing my stomach, "Gonna lose this pigfat, baby?" Joking to his co-workers, "Yeah, I'm a skinny, weak guy. I miss seeing a few ribs on her." On a date, "Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you gained weight."
And the topping on the cake, "If it wasn't for your physicality or my urges (to sleep with other women; he claims this is normal), you'd be my girlfriend." I cried my sockets out. He said he just needs to adjust to my physical type, because he's used to seeing thin girls. He said, "Even with my last girlfriend who is GORGEOUS, and many men wanted her, she was a curvier type... and it took me two years to adjust to her body type." During the days after that, he kept calling me adorable, cute, and stopped all comments about my body. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend and for me to move in with him... he wants to work on getting used to my body and his urges to sleep with different women.
I feel like he could never fully accept me. I've seen photos of his ex-wife and long-term ex-girlfriend--they both look like models. Is he a shallow douchebag or a respectably honest man? Am I underdeveloped young girl that has some insecurity issues to work out?
Edit: I want to deeply thank everyone for their comments. You all have moved me to leave him today. However, I've already embedded myself into his film project; I'm the connection to certain locations, sponsors, actors, etc., as well as the lead actor for the film. Would it be unkind of me to suspend myself from the project, when we're shooting in 3 days? I love you all, so much.
Edit 2: I did it. Removed myself from his film too. He said, "You're a bitch. You're a oval office. gently caress off. You're evil. You had an obligation to, after everything I've given you? You were my best friend." I feel so sorry for him and only hope he'll get some sensitivity training. He was bullied in high school for his Middle Eastern heritage, his friends "betrayed him," and he has trust issues. I wish I had the time, maturity, and emotional capacity to help him, but I have to focus on myself. I REALLY, REALLY want to call him to end things peacefully and calmly tell him how his behavior and coldness is harmful to him and the people around him. Someday I will. I want to cry because I don't want him to do this to anyone anymore. I want him to feel safe, warm, and calm. Anyway, time to rebuild myself and work on my happiness and give back to my communities, like Reddit.
Edit 3: gently caress him.
e: also lmao at having an ex-wife at loving 30
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Nov 29, 2017 23:52
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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e: also lmao at having an ex-wife at loving 30
Met a guy at a libertarian convention with an ex-wife at 24 so this dudes way better
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Nov 29, 2017 23:56
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Met a guy at a libertarian convention with an ex-wife at 24 so this dudes way better
what were you doing at a libertarian convention? writing an article or trying to score child porn
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Nov 29, 2017 23:57
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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what were you doing at a libertarian convention? writing an article or trying to score child porn
I got a check for $500 and free booze and a hotel room for five nights in exchange for attending. I also got, incidentally, to meet some real weird people and learn their weird sad lives.
Did you know God is libertarian and is somehow antigovernment, or that Frank Capra films all contain strong libertarian themes? You do now!!!
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Nov 30, 2017 00:01
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I got a check for $500 and free booze and a hotel room for five nights in exchange for attending. I also got, incidentally, to meet some real weird people and learn their weird sad lives.
Did you know God is libertarian and is somehow antigovernment, or that Frank Capra films all contain strong libertarian themes? You do now!!!
It's ok, frankly I have gone to weird conventions literally just to meet weird people who otherwise don't get out because contrary to what people here on the forums think, I love people, and I love how insane they are. I got a real "lizard people/egyptian gods/DARPA" nutter one time, he came up to me even, I felt so blessed 
I have met enough libertarians though that I don't really find them interesting any more. 15 years of slashdot comments and im good.
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Nov 30, 2017 00:04
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- chumbler
- Mar 28, 2010
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My [19 F] husband [19 M] together 3years, married 8months prefers to play League of Legends over spending time with/talking to me.Relationships
135 points 115 comments submitted 1 year ago by lolismyenemy to r/relationships
Sounds like a relationship that needs to be opened up.
Alternately, start playing dota and acting superior to piss him off.
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Nov 30, 2017 00:04
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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The dude who spent half the Bible making rules for people and the other half smiting people for breaking them is libertarian? Good one.
It was an hour and a half talk and at somepoint where he was discussing moses being the ultimate example of success without government intervention I believe my eyes fully rolled into my head and Christ himself told me it was a venial sin if I did not return to my hotel room and drink as much as my body could physically handle.
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Nov 30, 2017 00:04
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I [21F] am unsure of what to do about my friend [20M] who tends to be extremely rude towards meNon-Romantic
2 points 11 comments submitted 11 months ago by Buns_Of_Fun to r/relationships
I have a friend named Corey that has been really rude towards me this past semester as well as the previous one (I am a college junior, just finished up my fall semester a couple days ago). I’ll highlight the instances below.
Due to my academic performance in high school, I received a full tuition scholarship at my university Corey always tells me how I was just “lucky to receive the scholarship since it was clearly chosen by random”. He said he definitely knew it was random because I am not that smart. He always comments about my lack of intelligence when I am unsure about things that are seen as “important” by him.
In this past semester every time Corey has been to my apartment, he acts bored and annoyed that he’s even there (even though he’s always the one to ask to come over). He usually talks down to me in front of my roommates and in general just make me feel like crap. Not only that, but he doesn’t leave when I ask him to. I spent two hours one night making him leave when I had to get up for an 8am shift at work.
Corey always talks down about my appearance, calling me a slug and stump. He claims he is joking but he knows it hurts me when he says things like that due to my low self-esteem.
A while ago, I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication. During a busy part of this past semester, I forgot to take my medication 4 days in a row and found out the meds made life feel a little foggy. I decided to come off of the meds completely. Although I’ll admit I should have talked to my doctor first, Corey was absolutely livid at me for stopping the meds. He claimed I still needed them and would be “right back where I started”. This upset me because only I know how I feel, and I knew I didn’t need them anymore.
During our sophomore year, Corey and I had a friends-with-benefits thing going on. It stopped when I got into a new relationship. While I was in the relationship, he would be seductive and touch me in ways he knew I used to like, which made me uncomfortable. I would ask him to stop but he wouldn’t listen saying things like “you like this” and “don’t deny your urges”.
When I’m around Corey and his brother [18M] is there (who I know pretty well), he always says things like “just ignore her” or “don’t look at her”. This always really makes me mad because he doesn’t treat anyone else like this, just me. I mean who thinks it is okay to say that?
Those are just the situations I can think of off the top of my head, but I really do need your advice Reddit. He has given me a Christmas card apologizing for his behavior but I am not sure how to feel about this. My best friend Mark [28M] doesn’t like Corey at all and thinks I should just stop talking to him completely. I struggle with this idea knowing how much Corey has helped me in life, and not wanting to come off as mean. I could really use some advice here. Thank you in advance.
TLDR: My friend can be a real rear end in a top hat to me and I am not sure if I’m making this a bigger deal than it is or if something needs to be done.
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Nov 30, 2017 00:05
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- unpleasantly turgid
- Jul 6, 2016
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u lightweights couldn't even feed my shadow ;*
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Did you know God is libertarian and is somehow antigovernment
lol he's a government of one. I think those are called autocrats?
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Nov 30, 2017 00:06
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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It was an hour and a half talk and at somepoint where he was discussing moses being the ultimate example of success without government intervention I believe my eyes fully rolled into my head and Christ himself told me it was a venial sin if I did not return to my hotel room and drink as much as my body could physically handle.
Moses wandered the desert for forty loving years and then fuckin died on motherfucking mt nebo I mean he frickin didn't even get any of the promised good poo poo, how is that libertarian!?
I (35) am engaged to an awesome woman (34) but probably in love with someone else.
4 points 11 comments submitted 5 years ago by babysnooks to r/relationships
quote:I'm 35, I live with my girl, she's 34. We were both married before (not to each other), in our early twenties, divorced by 25. We've known each other about seven years, been together three, been living together two, been "engaged" about one. No proposal, no ring, just an agreement that we'd like to get married. She's in Grad school, graduates 2014. Plan is to get married summer 2014. She's awesome. Hot, funny, builds poo poo, great cat mom, good company, solid sex life, we've traveled all over the world together, she puts up with a lot of my weird poo poo. I like her family, mine likes her, only thing we really argue about is that I drink too much, and I do. No argument there. It's a pretty sweet situation, but I'm not in love with her. I don't know why. I should be. I really care about her, and I have no plans to split, there's no good reason to. But I'm not in love. She is, I think.
There's no one else, but I still think a lot about a woman I dated after my divorce. We were together about a year. I still miss her, and wish things had worked out differently for us. I like to think I'm just fond of her and of the time we spent together, but yeah, I Google stalk her from time to time to see what she's up to. She's still beautiful and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a lot more than a man in my situation should. She's adopting a child, on her own. This has kind of hosed me up. We talked about having a family together, something my current partner isn't interested in. I guess there's a part of me that still wants that, not in general, but with her. She's going to be a phenomenal mother, and I'm kind of pissed I won't be part of that, won't be doing the family thing together. It wasn't a bad breakup and there were no hard feelings. I think I was just too wiped out from my divorce to get wrapped up in another serious thing. She understood and was very cool about it. I probably did not deserve that, because I was kind of a prick at the end. Just wanted to drink with my friends (yes, that is a theme, I know) and try to get back the youth I wasted in a lovely marriage.
I still think about her when it's fap time, I won't lie. Physically, it was kind of ridiculous. The "lightning shooting out your ears when she changes into her pajamas and you catch a glimpse of her knees and can't think straight" kind of poo poo. To say nothing of the sex, which was kind of transcendent, if you'll forgive the absurdity of such a term. Her body, and what she did with it, is still kind of burned into me. And it's not like it was a lingerie model body or anything (which is good, because I personally look like a tree stump naked), I just felt really happy when we were together.
So tell me reddit, am I harping on a sexy rebound situation from long ago, or do I still have a thing for this woman? I'm not leaving my current situation, but it would probably be good to figure this out before I get married. Don't want to take any regrets to the altar, as it were.
TL;DR! Engaged to an rad lady, think it might be a bad idea. Feelings for someone else. Pick fucked around with this message at 00:14 on Nov 30, 2017
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Nov 30, 2017 00:09
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I mean moses was doin way frickin better when he was frickin with the government, after he left he had to wander the desert, that sucks
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Nov 30, 2017 00:19
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- Admiral Ray
- May 17, 2014
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Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy
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I [21F] am unsure of what to do about my friend [20M] who tends to be extremely rude towards meNon-Romantic
2 points 11 comments submitted 11 months ago by Buns_Of_Fun to r/relationships
I have a friend named Corey that has been really rude towards me this past semester as well as the previous one (I am a college junior, just finished up my fall semester a couple days ago). I’ll highlight the instances below.
Due to my academic performance in high school, I received a full tuition scholarship at my university Corey always tells me how I was just “lucky to receive the scholarship since it was clearly chosen by random”. He said he definitely knew it was random because I am not that smart. He always comments about my lack of intelligence when I am unsure about things that are seen as “important” by him.
In this past semester every time Corey has been to my apartment, he acts bored and annoyed that he’s even there (even though he’s always the one to ask to come over). He usually talks down to me in front of my roommates and in general just make me feel like crap. Not only that, but he doesn’t leave when I ask him to. I spent two hours one night making him leave when I had to get up for an 8am shift at work.
Corey always talks down about my appearance, calling me a slug and stump. He claims he is joking but he knows it hurts me when he says things like that due to my low self-esteem.
A while ago, I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication. During a busy part of this past semester, I forgot to take my medication 4 days in a row and found out the meds made life feel a little foggy. I decided to come off of the meds completely. Although I’ll admit I should have talked to my doctor first, Corey was absolutely livid at me for stopping the meds. He claimed I still needed them and would be “right back where I started”. This upset me because only I know how I feel, and I knew I didn’t need them anymore.
During our sophomore year, Corey and I had a friends-with-benefits thing going on. It stopped when I got into a new relationship. While I was in the relationship, he would be seductive and touch me in ways he knew I used to like, which made me uncomfortable. I would ask him to stop but he wouldn’t listen saying things like “you like this” and “don’t deny your urges”.
When I’m around Corey and his brother [18M] is there (who I know pretty well), he always says things like “just ignore her” or “don’t look at her”. This always really makes me mad because he doesn’t treat anyone else like this, just me. I mean who thinks it is okay to say that?
Those are just the situations I can think of off the top of my head, but I really do need your advice Reddit. He has given me a Christmas card apologizing for his behavior but I am not sure how to feel about this. My best friend Mark [28M] doesn’t like Corey at all and thinks I should just stop talking to him completely. I struggle with this idea knowing how much Corey has helped me in life, and not wanting to come off as mean. I could really use some advice here. Thank you in advance.
TLDR: My friend can be a real rear end in a top hat to me and I am not sure if I’m making this a bigger deal than it is or if something needs to be done.
Take Corey for a long drive and dump him in the desert with no phone.
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Nov 30, 2017 00:46
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- Admiral Ray
- May 17, 2014
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Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy
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My girlfriend [24/F] and her family take the holidays way more seriously than I [24/M] do. How do I adjust? Relationships (self.relationships)
quote:My girlfriend and I are celebrating our first actual holiday season together. We've been together for longer than a year, but we are way more serious and now I'm well acquainted with her family, etc.
My girlfriend and I grew up in different circumstances - her dad and extended family are pretty wealthy. I grew up with a single mom, and we stopped doing the whole "Christmas with presents" thing when I was 13 because my mom we didn't really have the money to spend on it.
It's come to my attention that everyone in her family (aunt, parents, grandma, her) plan to buy me multiple gifts and that makes me uncomfortable. She asked for a Christmas list and I couldn't really come up with anything because I've never made a Christmas list and am able to buy most of the things I'd like without much second thought.
Is there a nice way to explain to everyone I don't really want gifts? They don't have to feel obligated to buy me random things, because I think they're all lovely people and I am afraid my girlfriend told them about my upbringing (which was awesome even if we didn't have some "miracle, movie-themed" Christmas).
tl;dr: Girlfriend's family wants to buy me a lot of Christmas gifts and it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like they're just buying me things for the sake of spending money on me.
They are softening you up for the kill. Gifts are acts of aggression, and the family is testing your boundaries with this, even going so far as to ask you to participate.  and run far away, this is no different than a hunter asking the prey what they'd like to be hunted with.
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Nov 30, 2017 01:03
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- Brother Entropy
- Dec 27, 2009
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Me [29F] with my GF [26F] of 8 months, I refused to help a disabled man, now she is furious with me.Relationships
760 points 243 comments submitted 2 years ago by ueghhhhnothanks to r/relationships
My girlfriend and I were at the laundromat this morning, doing laundry together (of course). When we came in, there was a man in one of those scooter wheelchairs, struggling to put his laundry into a washer. He began loudly telling another woman who was next to him about how his home health aides aren't allowed to help with his laundry anymore because he has bedbugs. I immediately moved my stuff to the other end of the laundromat just in case and made sure to put my clothes in driers farther away from him with high heat. I am paranoid about getting them because I have heard what a nightmare they are to get rid of. My girlfriend gave me a funny look when I was doing this like she thought I was overreacting.
When the time came to get his laundry out of the washer, he looked around and asked me for help moving his wet clothes from the washer to the drier. Normally I would have agreed, but because I knew he had bedbugs, I said, "I'm sorry, but I heard you talking and I know you have bedbugs. I just can't risk accidently bringing some home. I'm afraid I can't help." I said it in a polite tone of voice. He ended up being able to do it himself, albeit with obvious difficulty.
When we got home my girlfriend was furious. She said it was so rude of me to refuse and I was heartless. She said there was no chance I could have gotten bedbugs by helping him, and strongly implied that I was using them as an excuse to avoid helping someone poor and dirty. Yes, he was obviously dirty (and smelly if I am honest) but that truly wasn't why I refused to help, but she doesn't believe me at all.
Was I wrong to refuse? Should I apologize to her and in the future be more accomodating?
tl;dr: Wouldn't help a man in a wheelchair with his laundry because of bedbugs, girlfriend thinks I am heartless and a snob.
op wanted to be the only thing sleeping in her bed and it sounds like she's gonna get her wish
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Nov 30, 2017 01:12
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- coolskull
- Nov 11, 2007
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i'd rather sleep alone and bite free than loved and bumpy
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Nov 30, 2017 01:30
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- DragQueenofAngmar
- Dec 29, 2009
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You shall not pass!
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I had the premise wrong anyway? but I really didn’t mean THAT kind of book. I was thinking speculative fiction. There are a lot of ways to approach it, but I see now that nearly all of them would be bad.
“I really love Beth, but she’s been with four men. There are only so many bullets in that gun.”
“Would you take one for her?”
“You know what? yes. I would.”
“Even if she won’t sign the pre-nup?”
the weird, chaste mirror-world of gor
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Nov 30, 2017 01:54
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Me [24 M] with my best buddy [also 24 M] of 10 years. Got a flat together and I'm realising some weird poo poo that I was previously unaware of.Non-Romantic
2 points 9 comments submitted 1 year ago by timeoftheseason_ to r/relationships
quote:Long post:
So I've known this guy since we were 14, he's like a brother to me. We have a very close bond and we've helped each other through some real poo poo. Always thought our lives were pretty similar, but since we got a place together I've just noticed more and more odd goings-on.
The first and most alarming discovery is that I think he might be an alcoholic. When we were kids, he used to be addicted to energy drinks, then as we got older he moved on to coffee (which he is still addicted to) and now I guess he's graduated to alcohol. I knew he drank, but I didn't know to what extent until I started spending every day with the guy. He drinks about three-four 500ml bottles of ale per night on a weeknight and even more on a weekend. Just recovered a bottle from the recycling and apparently one is 2.6 units of alcohol (UK). I very rarely drink, but I know enough to know that it's too much. He gets drunk a few times a week by himself in the living room and just sits watching movies. Sometimes I join him and he doesn't seem concerned with asking me to drink too, he seems to have no problem with just downing drinks alone with me there. I'd feel embarrassed if I did that in front of someone.
When I have tried to confront him about addictions in the past, it has gotten me absolutely nowhere. He is incredibly defensive, no idea how to approach such a thing without him going crazy. He's the most stubborn person I know, if he feels like he's being attacked he will go to great lengths just to avoid admitting fault. I can see him breaking his tenancy agreement early and moving out and just continuing to pay the rent if I mention it, he's really one of those people who can't stand to be wrong or criticised. I should also mention that he has Asperger's Syndrome, I feel like this contributes to his stubbornness in some way. He doesn't react typically, he tends to blow things massively out of proportion. Anybody got any ideas on how I can help with this? I have no experience with helping people with alcoholism or addiction, or interventions in general. Nobody else in his life is aware of it, because he hides it pretty well. I had no idea before, so I think I'm the only person who knows. I know it's his life and his responsibility to sort himself out, but I feel like he needs help and I'm the only one in a position to do anything.
Second unnerving thing that I've noticed is that he has absolutely no motivation to do anything that I personally would consider productive. I know everyone's different and I also know that people on the Autistic spectrum have different types of goals and desires, which I can respect, but it just seems to me like he's wasting his life away. He's a cool guy and we get on well. We share some common interests and he can hold a very intelligent and meaningful conversation. He's also very kind and generous, people tend to warm to him very quickly so I'm not saying he's completely devoid of merit, but I feel like he's turning into a total bum. He collects welfare because of his AS and social anxiety which he has diagnoses for, but we both know he could easily work pretty much anywhere if he wanted to. He's very capable and articulate, if he tried he could apply himself and land a job I reckon. I think his benefits are being revoked soon anyway, so he's starting to sign on at the job centre which to me is a depressing turn, but he doesn't seem to mind. His diet is complete poo poo, all he eats is processed meat, ready-meals, pizzas and bread. I'm into nutrition and training, so I've casually tried to get him interested in the food I cook and I asked if he wanted me to show him around the gym I go to. He said he did, but he changed his mind and now he can't be arsed. I'm not his keeper, so I don't ask more than once. For the most part I let him get on with his life, but it grinds on me watching my best mate live like this.
Third thing I noticed is that he wakes up at 12 or 1pm every day. I wake up early to go to the gym on weekdays and I'll be up a good 6 hours before he's even awake. He stays up every night and into the morning just watching movies and drinking in the living room. Our schedules don't match so I don't see him that often. I was under the impression that living with him would be fun and we'd get to hang out, so I'm disappointed. When he does get up, he has this peculiar day schedule that I can't wrap my head around. He seems to just amble around town doing not very much of anything. He eats one meal a day on an evening, but he spends multiple hours a day just wandering around different supermarkets. He'll spend up to an hour in one place and buy maybe 2 or 3 things, then go somewhere else and do the same. It would be comical if it wasn't someone I knew and cared for. I don't know why, but it seems to comfort him.
I know that people on the Autistic Spectrum sometimes do things that maybe other people can't see the use in and I feel like that's what this is, so I don't really know how to approach it. He also always goes to a coffee shop every day and gets a drink there because he is addicted to coffee. He has one hobby that I can discern really and that's playing tabletop games. He actually has a decent amount of friends (more than me) who he hangs out with a few nights a week at their houses, playing dungeons and dragons and the like. This seems to be pretty good for him, he runs one of the groups I think. He's good at it and it's not a bad hobby. We go to the cinema, restaurants, bars, pubs, clubs and general places like that together so we do hang out, but he vetoes anything productive like working out, going to classes, job hunting, dating or generally bettering himself/advancing in any way in life. He's totally afraid of failure, so his thing is to not try in the first place.
He also has social anxiety and he relies on other people a lot to do the most basic things for him. He comes off as wet and pathetic a lot of the time, he gives off this "I'm useless, please help me" vibe. I think he sees me as this "normal" person who can accomplish things and do things that he can't, so he tries to get me to do everything for him which usually I don't, but admittedly sometimes it's just easier to do it than to say no. He will do small things that he already knows how to do, like changing a lightbulb or something. He is amazing with computers, so he fixes his computer and mine, but pretty much everything else in terms of DIY is my responsibility. Even ridiculous things, like I prop my bike up against the wall in the hallway and he knocked it down, I asked him to pick it up and he acted like it was some mammoth task. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was something like "I've never picked up a bike before, you know how to do it and I don't." and I was like "dude just move it back to where it was. Just grab the handle bars and push it back" and he did, but he made all these embarrassing noises as if it was extra heavy and he made a point of dropping it a few times as if to say "see, you should have helped me. This is your job." lol. I just walked away though so eventually he put it back. Another example was when we first moved in, my boyfriend drove the van and helped us move and my mate was acting like everything he had to carry was a huge deal. He's average sized, he's taller than me and has nothing wrong with him physically but he was being really weird about it. Like he was carrying stuff a little girl would find a piece of cake and making these embarrassing noises as if he was struggling so much. My boyfriend was weirded out and kept asking me if he was okay. I'd never seen him act like that so I just thought he was having some kind of off day lol. We had to carry most of the things because he kept saying he couldn't lift them. Things like a night stand. He definitely could, he just has such a low opinion of himself that he sabotages himself with things before he even tries. When I asked him about it, he got defensive and started saying stuff like "well you're the ones who go to the gym, you're bigger than me so I don't know why you were expecting me to be as strong as you", which is just pathetic because the stuff wasn't even heavy.
Lastly, there's something slightly off about the way he reacts to me every so often. Most of the time, he actively avoids touching me and everybody else. He has told me on many occasions that he hates physical contact, and I'm not a fan either. I'll hug my boyfriend and my mother and that's about it. But since we started living together, when he gets drunk sometimes he'll randomly walk up to me and hug me for way too long. He makes these sighing noises as if he's in love with me or something and then he just walks away. He's done it maybe 3 times in the last 4 months and because it's totally out of character, I've not really said anything about it. He is a little bit strange in general, but so am I to be honest. There are things I do that other people would probably consider quirky and weird and that's part of the reason we get on well, but behaviour like this stumps me. I don't know what this is about, but I'm fairly certain he's straight. He has never shown any interest in men in the entire time I've known him and he's only ever been with women. It could be something to do with his Asperger's? I honestly don't know. I feel like if it was anyone else I'd be suspicious that he maybe had a thing for me, but we've known each other for so long that at least to me it would be creepy as gently caress if we had any sort of romantic or sexual relationship.
Typing all of this out has actually made me realise just how weird things are getting haha. It's only been a short period of time, so all of this has kind of crept up on me. Known this guy for 10 years and nothing like this has ever come up before and I feel like if I read this post I'd be like "what's this guy doing hanging out with this weirdo?" but in reality he's been my best friend for a decade. Aside from these things, he is an exceptionally good friend. I know I've painted him to be a pain in the rear end, but he obviously has more merits than I have listed here. I just don't know how to deal with the stuff that bothers me/is inappropriate so I'm looking for advice. Sorry about the long post.
tl;dr: Best mate has a drinking problem, acts inappropriately and isn't doing anything with his life and his Asperger's, anxiety and general extreme stubbornness makes me unsure how to actually help.
I know people think I'm a roiling hate-machine but actually I often go by innocuous words, has anyone found the key word for the last 3-4 stories?
It's stump
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Nov 30, 2017 02:08
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- Lucid Nonsense
- Aug 6, 2009
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Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day
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I love the "international travel to see an ex" stories they're just great
My [22 M] girlfriend [21 F] of 7 months is going to another continent to visit her ex.
Instead you can be the under-controlling and weak boyfriend who lets his gf gently caress her ex in Europe
Someone needs to introduce this guy to Pete.
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Nov 30, 2017 02:09
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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My [20sF] BF [20sM] of a year has a severely disabled brother. We might have a problem.
quote:I learned my BF had a disabled sibling shortly after we started dating. I was fine with that, but told him that I wasn’t ok with living with his brother. I’m not equipped to deal with this sort of thing, and both of us are childfree. BF agreed and said he doesn’t want to live with him either, and I thought that was, for the most part, resolved.
A year later, we talked a little bit more about his brother. By this point I’ve learned more about his condition and am asking questions about the future. I asked what his living situation would look like, and BF talked about group homes - oh, and the possibility of adding an “in-law suite” to our house.
I was blindsided. I think my response was roughly “Yeaaaah, I don’t think I’m ok with that.” His reply was, “Then this is your chance to leave.”
At the same time, he told me that he doesn’t expect his partner to handle this - his brother, his responsibility so to speak. He also said that wouldn’t be in a relationship if he thought this responsibility would intrude greatly on it.
I don’t know about you, but these statements seem a little contradictory.
A month later, I’ve had time to think this whole thing over, and... I’m just not ok with the scenario of his brother basically living in our house. I’d feel that way even if he wasn’t disabled, but to me, there should be no reason why BF and I can’t come to an amenable solution that works for both of us. I feel hurt that he would cast aside my feelings so quickly on such a serious matter without really letting me talk about it. He can still care for his brother without it coming to having to install him in our future home... right? (Which, to be fair, he said likely wouldn’t happen, but I’m still wigging out).
I know I have to talk to him, absolutely. My therapist suggested framing it as “I know your brother is very important to you, and I know when the time comes we’ll be able to handle it, but I felt blindsided and hurt when you said ‘deal with this possibility or leave.’” Making it less about the brother and more about how we communicate to solve big issues.
Do you guys have any suggestions for how to handle this conversation?
TLDR: Got into relationship with BF with the understanding that his brother wouldn’t live with us. Now he’s suggesting we have a house with an “in-law” suite for him as a last resort, and tells me to either be ok with that idea or leave - contradicting his other statements. How do I approach this?
Edit: Can’t flair, on mobile.
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Nov 30, 2017 02:12
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- Lucid Nonsense
- Aug 6, 2009
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Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day
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You dump him and find someone else. Your BF gave you what his priorities are, and they aren't yours. Find someone else.
Yeah, sounds like he's not willing to abandon his brother to a home. My brother is slightly disabled, so I get his view. If she's not down with it, it's time for a serious re-evaluation, or just move on.
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Nov 30, 2017 02:38
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Yeah, sounds like he's not willing to abandon his brother to a home. My brother is slightly disabled, so I get his view. If she's not down with it, it's time for a serious re-evaluation, or just move on.
Physically or mentally? I think it's easy for people to underestimate the effects of dealing with an aged person with a mental handicap, otoh if I had a sibling with cerebral palsy or something where the effects were only physical I think I'd try longer because god drat are people cruel about it and when the person is totally capable of understanding how cruel everyone is, it's double cruel. supercruel.
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Nov 30, 2017 02:48
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- burial
- Sep 13, 2002
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actually, that won't be necessary.
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the weird, chaste mirror-world of gor
See? I knew it was a good, horrible idea. There are like thirty of those, aren’t there?
Me [24 M] with my best buddy [also 24 M] of 10 years. Got a flat together and I'm realising some weird poo poo that I was previously unaware of.Non-Romantic
2 points 9 comments submitted 1 year ago by timeoftheseason_ to r/relationships
I know people think I'm a roiling hate-machine but actually I often go by innocuous words, has anyone found the key word for the last 3-4 stories?
It's stump
I knew it! but I was at work and didn’t have time to comment before your reveal. “Why are so many people describing themselves as stumps?” I thought.
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Nov 30, 2017 02:54
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 12, 2024 17:44
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- Lucid Nonsense
- Aug 6, 2009
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Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day
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Physically or mentally? I think it's easy for people to underestimate the effects of dealing with an aged person with a mental handicap, otoh if I had a sibling with cerebral palsy or something where the effects were only physical I think I'd try longer because god drat are people cruel about it and when the person is totally capable of understanding how cruel everyone is, it's double cruel. supercruel.
For their situation, that's an unknown. Personally, I have a cousin that is mentally retarded, and my aunt and uncle cared for her until they were no longer capable (uncle is dead, aunt needs to move into a home herself). In hindsight, they were happy and well adjusted, so it likely takes acceptance from the start to make it a life you'd be satisfied with.
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Nov 30, 2017 03:00
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Nov 29, 2017 23:20
Cat Army 
