Danaru posted:

Coworker is claiming my dish at a workplace holiday potluck made her sick and caused her miscarriage. Alabama


Pretend I posted a 1000x1000

mind the walrus posted:

and to think that in the 80s people were worried about no-fault divorce laws

quote:

u/conflicted_feelings

Emily and I have known each other for 17 years. We started talking to each other in preschool; when both of us were 4 years old. I’ve been best friends with her since.

I’ve been through so much with Emily. I’m proud to call her my best friend. She was there for me when I lost my brother to cancer - she was the light at the end of the tunnel. She’s been a part of my whole conscious life. I’m extremely grateful for the beautiful relationship I have with her.

During high school I realized I had a preference for girls - I was embarrassed of this. I didn’t tell anyone, and I still haven’t. I fell in love with her after we graduated high school and were seperated for a few months.

I’ve had these feelings for her for 3 years. My heart races when we’re with each other. I get a sense of euphoria being with her. Her gentle touches on my skin send tingles down my back. I love playing with her hair. The smell of it brings me back to the times when we were kids, and had no care in the world.

Emily and I very close with each other, more so than most friends are. We kissed on the lips a year ago when both of us were drunk. She was the one that made the move on me and I gladly received her. I think back to that moment a lot. I yearn for it to happen again. We take showers together when we visit each other’s apartments. We have no issues showing physical affection for each other. Both of us are very touchy and we absolutely love cuddling with each other.

To be honest I don’t know what Emily’s sexuality is. It’s never come up. I know I shouldn't keep a secret this huge from her. If she was in my situation she would tell me the truth.

These past few days have been unbearable for me. I can’t be around Emily without thinking of her romantically. It’s been hard to keep my emotions in check. She’s noticed this and has asked me if anything is going on. I tell her it's nothing, it pains me to lie to her.

I'm conflicted. Should I tell her? Will it ruin our friendship forever? What I have with Emily is a once in a lifetime connection. I don’t want to risk that with her, but at the same time I wonder everyday if she reciprocates these feelings for me too.

tl;dr: I'm in love with my childhood best friend of 17 years. I want to come out to her and tell her I love her, but I'm afraid of ruining our beautiful friendship.

quote:

I am allergic to christmas trees. If I am around pine of any sort for an extended period I will end up with a sinus infection. Lately my allergies have been getting worse. Passing by anything pine will result in me sneezing all day and going through a box of tissues. If I brush against pine, I break out in hives. No medication seems to work, or if it does it leaves me feeling completely dissociated from my body.

My sister has always been resentful that my allergies have meant no real christmas trees. It's no surprise that the moment she moved out of the house she started getting real christmas trees for her own holiday celebrations. Totally understandable. The issue is that this year the whole family is flying out to her and her boyfriends place, where I am expected to sleep in the living room on an air mattress. These plans have been set in stone for awhile and she knows about my allergies, so I was surprised when she sent out a group photo of her live christmas tree this year saying "bring your allergy meds!". We will only be there for two nights, one at the beginning and one at the end, but it is enough exposure to leave me miserable.

I want to book a hotel instead, but it will likely cause a poo poo storm with my sister and mom.My mother will most likely call me difficult and say to suck it up. My sister will get passive aggressively upset at me. I just don't want to be put in a position that will leave me feeling miserable.

Here is the message I want to send to my sister after she sent a picture of the tree to my mother, dad, boyfriend and myself, does this sound ok?:

"It looks beautiful! But with my allergies being as bad as they have been and not being able to find an allergy med that doesn't leave me feeling like a zombie, I don't think I will be able to spend on overnighter. Is there a hotel nearby that I can make a reservation at?"

tl;dr: My body hates christmas, need to know how to navigate response.

Haifisch posted:

My [27F] allergies are causing problems with my family.

Danaru posted:

I told the lawyer. I think he's kind of bummed I didn't get fired (he's a weird dude.)

Haifisch posted:

My mother will most likely call me difficult and say to suck it up.

Unload My Head posted:

Dammit blarzgh! .

quote:

My group at work is having a late holiday party that's supposed to be very casual (potluck at my boss's house). When my boss brought it up at a meeting, she also invited everyone to bring their family. She went around asking how many people/kids everybody was planning on bringing and when she got to me I said I was bringing one guest. She asked if it was my brother (I've previously mentioned my twin brother lives in the area) and I said no, it was my boyfriend, is that alright? And she's told me the more the merrier, and didn't seem surprised or anything.

A while after, my coworker Tom (not his real name) came by my work area and quietly told me it was "very inappropriate" to bring a boyfriend to a "family" event. He also told me that it was ok if I didn't know, since I wasn't American and might not understand the culture here, which kind of pissed me off. I was born outside the country but immigrated as a child and grew up in the US, and I've had citizenship for years. I told Tom I'd defer to our boss on guests.

However, I'm a really anxious and to be honest kind of socially awkward person and now I'm second-guessing if that was the right call. Tom has worked here for years and I've only been with the group three months. We also work for a Catholic institution, though I'm not religious and neither are most of the people I'm friends with here. I'm worried I'm breaking some sort of unspoken rule and going to annoy my boss, who I really respect.

tl;dr: Coworker told me it was inappropriate to bring my boyfriend to a work event. Should I still bring him?

mind the walrus posted:

As long as there's documentation beyond 'he said she said'

mind the walrus posted:

Yeah. It leaves out the racism but it does document an issue.

Remember-- the goal isn't to build proof or a watertight case. The goal is that when the needle drops your evidence makes siding with you the best route to make the problem go away fast. That's all HR and Management really care about.

blarzgh posted:

Yeah, Tom wants to bang the OP, and is being a passive aggressive little twat.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

So he's not only a bigoted rear end in a top hat, he's also a hypocrite.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

The comments suggest that Tom is bringing over his fiance.

So he's not only a bigoted rear end in a top hat, he's also a hypocrite.

blarzgh posted:

Pro tip: always get a hotel nearby when staying with relatives.

An air mattress costs basically as much as a night at a cheap motel, anyway.

Pick posted:

Sounds like a good time for a game of Jumanji, a game that presents strong philosophical challenges mixed with action & adventure.

quote:

So my boyfriend and I want to get married REALLY bad. But we are both on felony probation in the same county with the same charge (did not catch charges together) and he's got 2 other charges. How much trouble can we get in for being together?

quote:

Hello all I am in need serious need of some advice, direction, guidance, help! So my fiancee is a great man. He had a rough start at life, got caught up and did some time. Since he got out 2 years ago though he has been doing BEYOND amazing! He has had a job since the first week he was out. He went to college for hvac, got a job for hvac, bought a car, pays his bills, pays his child support, complies with probation, etc. Well his baby momma is a truly narssicistic, selfish, greedy young lady. Since he got out she has made his life hell. It's always a huge ordeal for him just to talk to the kids. He pays child support and every time she needs cigs, or can't pay a bill, or the kids need something he sends $$$ to her. They live a state away. She's just something else. I will never ever understand why women make it so hard for men who really want to be fathers. Anyways. Well he made a mistake because that's what humans do and he smoked some weed ended up missing his overnights. So he's gonna have to go back and do his sentence. Well baby momma found out. She told him she was taking the kids as soon as he hit the yard. Can she take his rights away from him while he's incarcerated?? Is that a legit possibility? What can we do to stop this, or help keep it from happening or what not. I know this was kind of long but I really appreciate it!

Tx custody

OP replying posted:

Me too high five ✋

Danaru posted:

2 felons in love 😍😍😍

How much trouble can we get in for being together? 

quote:

Hey, gay guy here with a strange question. This is my first real relationship, same for my boyfriend. I've asked around to some of my gay friends and they've never experienced something like this, so I decided to post on a throwaway for outside thoughts.

My boyfriend and I met at the beginning of the semester. We've taken the relationship slowly. He's really guarded about coming out and it's the first relationship for both of us. Over the past few months I've noticed he often makes these very...angry I guess, comments about women. Looking back I can remember this happening early on, but I didn't actually really "notice" it until maybe a month in. Since then I've asked a few times why he feels this way.

His comments are hard to explain because I don't get what's motivating them. I'll just give some examples.

He says really rude and stereotypical things about women sometimes, like that they're fake and shallow. He's said "there's no point in trying to have a substantive conversation with a woman" (He thinks men are more intelligent). Women only talk about superficial things. If they're accomplished in school or work it's because they either cheated or stole from men, or offered sexual favors. This is so ridiculous to me, tons of women are smart and accomplished but he'll insist most of them did something dishonest to get there.

Another related example is that he thinks women are always manipulating men somehow and "using" or bullying them. If they talk to you when they don't have to it's because they want one of three things according to him: validation, "d-ck," or information. If it's information then they want it either to use in their self interest or to find out things about you that they can gossip about and make you look bad to other people.

He's gone on extensive, 20-minute monologues about this. He thinks women's nature is to lie and you can't trust them because they have no problem destroying men's lives with lies and drama. I asked why anyone would do that. It's so far from how normal people behave. Why does he think this? He said women are driven by needing attention, just aren't rational and don't think the same way. They're controlled by emotion. But at the same time they're also unfeeling. I don't even know.

Other times his comments are more indirect but still noticeable. If I mention something involving any girl I'm friends with, about half the time he'll make a snarky comment. He's suggested female friends of mine broke up with male friends because they were cheating with more "macho" men. This wasn't even close to the case in any of the situations. He barely knew these people yet immediately made that assumption.

Just in general everything he says about women is seething with resentment and bitterness. I asked what had happened to give him the impression this is how a whole gender behaves. He said women just don't give him the time of day unless they want something from him, but flaunt themselves to hotter men. First of all I really doubt that's the case, I mean, he seems to get on with female coworkers and family fine. And if he doesn't have any female friends, well that's because he's standoffish to women! Also second of all, even if he were right and women ignore him, what would he care as a gay man? He's never really explained WHY it's so offensive to him that women supposedly ignore him. Why is he acting like he's almost jealous of other guys getting female attention?

Has anyone ever seen these opinions in a guy they were dating? He seemingly hates women...the thing is I told him it sounded like he's got a lot of sexist assumptions (this was right after he commented something about how make-up was a female method of "peacocking") and he said what would I know about how women act, I've never noticed because I'm not into them. Um hello neither are you...? At least he has claimed this? I don't know because if I try to question he shuts down. He insists I'm all he needs. We haven't really done much sexually, like I said he's a bit hesitant about being open with the gayness thing, but he's seemed happy so far. I don't know.

Can anyone help me make some sense of any of this?

TL;DR my boyfriend says stereotypically sexist things about women sometimes. He seems to have pent up anger that women don't give him more attention. I don't understand why since he identifies as gay and says he's happy in this relationship with me. Neither of us really has any prior relationship experience so I'm not sure what's going on here. What do you guys think? Is there any way I can get him to see how his views are warped?

Khazar-khum posted:

A hotel is a fixed price, with amenities like maid service. There will be a fiduciary charge to the stay.

A relative's is free, with no/limited amenities. There is no fiduciary transaction, but you pay and you pay and you pay.

quote:

Everything is paid off except for one thing.

I got some mail from a creditor saying I owed some 400$ and I was like okay I JUST got my first line of credit literally 2 days ago.

A few weeks ago I remembered seeing a credit card for the store that was mentioned on the credit.

Something possessed me to go to the store website and sign in with my Mom's normal login info.

It worked. Everything is in my name. She doesn't have any statements from them on her email so I can't see anything else, but all the account info has my name and her contact info. I can't get the account number without a statement as far as I can tell, SO I can't see what exactly is happening.

She handled all my credit stuff since I was 18 and I am 21. When I FINALLY got her to pull my credit history I had all this stuff on there and she said it was Identity theft but never reported it... said it was easier to just pay it off... even though there was stuff from when I was like 12 years old on there!

Also I see some old paid off debts on credit karma that are from stores she also has credit cards for. I remember being confused when I was younger when packages and mail for her that came in my name and I would open them thinking they were for me and she would be enraged.

I never connected the dots before.

What do I do. I'm scared. I am a broke college student living at home.

I don't think my Dad knows she is doing this, he had his identity stolen and it was horrible for him. Even though he used to physically abuse me when he was mad he also always had my back when mom does weird things.

Should I tell him? Should I email an accountant at my church who worked for years in fraud for advice, as we are close? What do I do?

EDIT: FOUND ANOTHER account in debt in my name. Have proof. Will be packing bags and and dropping them at my BFF's place in case I have to leave after the inevitable confrontation. Will be telling my Dad. My amazing boss and several close friends are now aware and I have an amazing support system outside of family in general. Depending on Dad's reaction (because there is a possibility he knows, but I doubt it) I am preparing to remove my animals from the house and place them at my work temporarily (animal care facility) This will take place in a few days. I've seen my Mom mad before... She has gotten people fired, contracts canceled, even almost got my Dad fired at one point... I will be prepared for the worst.

quote:

I found more accounts. Thousands of dollars of debt. It was so easy for me to find when I bothered to look for it, to take matters into my own hands. So many things. And it is now PAINFULLY obvious that it was my Mom for years and years.

I am an idiot.

Warning to anyone reading this: NEVER trust someone else not to screw you over. Always keep a tight handle on your things.

I intend to to move out, leave a file for my Dad with all evidence I find after I talk to him about it (as well as keep copies for myself). My fraud-accountant friend is close to a good lawyer that does stuff for people like me pro bono. I have their contact info.

My Boss gave me keys to her house and the keys to a guest camper in case I need a place to crash. Her sister did this to her a few years ago and she is still suffering. 3 different people have offered me a place. Very glad to have amazing friends and boss.

I am going to burn this mess and salt the earth so nothing ever grows here again. (Figuratively speaking)

quote:

Long story short, my dad choked me a few years ago. I remember my mom standing in the doorway. For reference, he was between me and her.

He had a tantrum when my mom changed the wifi password last night (on accident, she thought she was changing the email password) and broke a light pull. It was escalating and I was worried it would get physical. My mom told me to relax, he will just say poo poo, it's not like he's going to hit her or me over it. I lost it and told her, you know he choked me a few years ago, he did it once he can do it again. And she said he didn't choke me, and I said, and I quote "Do NOT say he didn't choke me. He did, I was choked and you watched!"

She then insisted that she had never seen me choked. She believed me but swore up and down she had never seen it.

Today she came and apologized to me and said, "If I had seen that it would have been over. It would have been done. But I swear I didn't see it and I'm sorry I was there and didn't see it."

And the thing is, I believe her. I really do. She is a lovely liar, and I don't think she could take what her face was when I told her. But for years I've always blamed her for letting it happen to me (along with being dragged by my hair, which she DID NOT see, but didn't do anything when she saw me on the floor with him yelling at me because obviously I must have done something wrong - he's never hit her EVER and generally fears her wrath).

She has asked me before why I avoid him - going to the bathroom/shower when he gets home, not being in the same room, general avoiding his space. It was always an unconscious thing I did due to his temper with me. I always told her I wasn't avoiding him but I think she's connected the dots.

I just don't know how to deal with this. My nerves are shot. I spent the whole night awake and panicky, nauseous and the same all day today. And now she knows why. I always thought she knew, that he choked me and dragged me around when I was younger. But now I realize she might not have known. She seemed horrified when I told her.

That being said, he rarely yells at me now and gets bitched out for it if he does. He hasn't hit me since I turned 18 and is generally amicable.

Advice, opinions, anything. I don't know how to react to this.

DangerDongs posted:

That dude doesn't sound happy to be playing the plan B field.

quote:

Me (33F) and my husband (33M) of three years, he wants to use our two-year-old’s money to buy an expensive car

I realize this is going to sound ridiculous, but here we go. My dad believes we are about to go into a recession, so he gives our son (his only grandson) $12k a year to be deposited into a savings account. In addition, my dad is the trustee for my grandmother, who is 101 years old and has lost her mind to Alzheimer's and is being well cared for in a fancy nursing home near my dad, and he gives $14k to my brother, my son, and me from her account a year (we are the only descendants, and my dad wants to do this to transfer wealth). So my two-year-old son has $10k in a 529 from my husband's money, $17k in a Wells Fargo account that is money from my dad and my grandmother (my husband has access to this account), and $23k in a Chase account from my dad and my grandmother that my husband does not have access to. My husband has long been severely critical of my dad's policy, which is that we have to keep the money in a savings account. My husband and I have fought a lot about this, because I think if we accept the money, we have to be respectful of my dad's wishes. Also, my husband has $130k in a brokerage account invested in stocks, and other money in 401k, Roth IRA, etc.

My husband really wants a Tesla 3, so instead of selling stock, he took $15k from my son's account - the one he has access to. He did that this morning. I was pretty shocked as he told me that I needed to transfer an additional $10k to him from the Chase account that he doesn't have access to. He said, "You don't think I'm good for it?! You don't think I can pay him $25k back in 20 years?! It's not like it's going to earn any interest!" I was shocked because in his mind, he has 20 years to pay our son back, whereas I would expect that he would pay it back immediately. My husband does make a good salary, but knowing him, I don’t think he would pay our son back this year. He always wants to invest.

I called my dad, who is threatening to stop these payments to our son (for our son, a loss of $26k a year). My dad said he was shocked that my husband wouldn't ask my dad, and that my dad would prefer to loan him the money himself. I should also mention that my mother was the custodian on my brother's accounts growing up. My brother was given some stock by my grandfather that did really well, and my mom used some of it to buy things for the house. So my dad and I have a really bitter memory of this kind of practice in our family.

I don't understand why my husband can't sell some stock. My husband doesn’t buy a lot of things for himself, so I support his decision to buy a Tesla, but I don’t support his using our son’s money.

tl;dr: My husband wants to use our son’s money instead of selling stock to buy himself a car. Not sure what to do.

putrid aidsman posted: