quote:

u/cantcumeandhessad

Hi everyone,

So, I've been seeing this guy for about a month and a half now. Sex is great, he has orgasms without problem, as do I. The thing is, like many females, it's not very easy for me to achieve orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. I thought this was no problem since he seems to have no qualms about using his tongue and fingers...

At one point we were on the topic of sex, and he asked why I don't cum during sex. I told him it has only happened for me like, twice in my life. I explained that it was in a dead bedroom situation with my ex and I had essentially been sex-deprived (also nearly no masturbation since he and I lived together). One time it took me by surprise and my emotionally abusive ex laughed in my face right after it happened, as he found it hilarious that I was in such a desperate state that a pretty boring/non-stimulating sex position caused me to have a vaginal orgasm.

As is hopefully obvious, my experience with vaginal orgasms isn't exactly positive.

Anyway, my new guy went on to talk about his past sex life and mentioned to the side that his ex would cum every time during sex (not to make me feel bad, this statement made sense in context). This didn't bother me, I know some girls can and some girls can't or it doesn't happen very often. Whatever.

However...

One time right after he came, he just rolled over and started jokingly complaining/moaning about how he couldn't get me to cum again. I was totally taken aback by this, I was just focused on having a good time and felt really sad that he was disappointed in the end.

Lately it's been harder to get him to go down on me or finger me, I had to ask him straight up one time, telling him if he wanted me to cum, that's sort of the only way to do it.

The final straw was today. We were messaging back and forth and he was like "Oh, I still haven't been able to make you cum during sex"

And I went into this huge diatribe about how seldom women have vaginal orgasms and how I'm very normal and I didn't know who told/showed him that basically every woman cums during sex. He just kept responding with sad emojis.

Then I told him exactly these kind of discussions make me feel unsure and nervous during sex, which is super counterproductive to having orgasms. Then he just sort of dismissed everything and told me everything is fine.

How should I tell him:

1) How nervous his expectations make me

2) How the female body loving works

3) How he should stop putting pressure on the both of us

Bonus challenge: His first language is my second language. So complicated sentiments are difficult for me to explain.

tl;dr: New guy wants me to have a vaginal orgasm. Is sad that it's hard for me to have one. What do I tell him?

girl pants posted:

I can't believe she's 27 and she doesn't understand.

Edit: content for the new page!

How do I [22F] break it to my new guy friend [28M] that vaginal orgasms probably aren't going to happen? (NSFW?)


I bet he's one of those guys that freaks out if she tries to rub her clit during sex

maskenfreiheit posted:

Me [27 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] of 5 years, had an argument about my friend.

quote:

Fast forward to now, nothing has really changed. 

Vargatron posted:

People get upset over that???

maskenfreiheit posted:

Me [27 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] of 5 years, had an argument about my friend.

girl pants posted:

How do I [22F] break it to my new guy friend [28M] that vaginal orgasms probably aren't going to happen? (NSFW?)

quote:

And I went into this huge diatribe about how seldom women have vaginal orgasms and how I'm very normal and I didn't know who told/showed him that basically every woman cums during sex. He just kept responding with sad emojis.

Yawgmoth posted:

Man this guy is really good at creating self-fulfilling prophecies. He needs to or find a girl with no friends.

Yawgmoth posted:

Man this guy is really good at creating self-fulfilling prophecies. He needs to or find a girl with no friends.

Yawgmoth posted:

Man this guy is really good at creating self-fulfilling prophecies. He needs to or find a girl with no friends.

Palpek posted:

girl pants posted:

I'm gonna guess you don't date men

Some of them lose their loving minds if you have a vibrator. Even if you never use it. Even if they've never even seen it. The knowledge that it's there is enough.

Literally just search r/r for "vibrator".

girl pants posted:

I can't believe she's 27 and she doesn't understand.

Edit: content for the new page!

How do I [22F] break it to my new guy friend [28M] that vaginal orgasms probably aren't going to happen? (NSFW?)


I bet he's one of those guys that freaks out if she tries to rub her clit during sex

Vargatron posted:

Ah I guess this must be one of those "men must control women's sexuality" kind of deals then?

Gorilla Salad posted:

^^^ Nah, just good old fashioned inadequacy.


This is what happens when you don't have sex ed and guys get their ideas about sex from porn.

Gorilla Salad posted:

This is what happens when you don't have sex ed and guys get their ideas about sex from porn.

girl pants posted:

I'm gonna guess you don't date men

Some of them lose their loving minds if you have a vibrator. Even if you never use it. Even if they've never even seen it. The knowledge that it's there is enough.

Literally just search r/r for "vibrator".

girl pants posted:

BEEP BOOP TAB A -> SLOT B

LADY NOT COME???

CRITICAL ERROR

girl pants posted:

I can't believe she's 27 and she doesn't understand.

Edit: content for the new page!

How do I [22F] break it to my new guy friend [28M] that vaginal orgasms probably aren't going to happen? (NSFW?)


I bet he's one of those guys that freaks out if she tries to rub her clit during sex

Pick posted:

Porn messes people up

Chaosfirev posted:

What?! That's rediculous, next your going to tell me that there aren't hot singles in my area waiting for me.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

That whole post is after

Inevitably if someone you know can't get into Canada and they're American, odds are they have hosed something up royal in their life

Three Olives posted:

It's actually surprisingly easy to be denied entry to Canada even if you are an American. Several years ago I was pulled at immigration, they wanted to see my bank account, verify my employment, see my return ticket and verified my reservation at a resort.

They let me through but it was a nerve racking experience. And the weird thing is I have been to Canada at least half a dozen times and never had a problem, the only possible reason I could think of on why I got pulled is the woman I was travelling with was had a very well paying job at Royal Bank of Canada but she was an American, maybe they thought she had accepted a job transfer and I was sneaking in with her?

Pick posted:

Hmm I can’t satisfy women. I’m going to obsess about that and watch women pretend to be satisfied while a man hits them. This will fix things

girl pants posted:

I can't believe she's 27 and she doesn't understand.

Edit: content for the new page!

How do I [22F] break it to my new guy friend [28M] that vaginal orgasms probably aren't going to happen? (NSFW?)


I bet he's one of those guys that freaks out if she tries to rub her clit during sex

maskenfreiheit posted:

definitely not going to try giving her head no sireee just gonna send a sad eyes emoji

if i can guilt her into doing my laundry why can't i guilt her into an orgasm?!

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

that said i've never been hassled by canadian customs, and they've always seemed professionally courteous to me. it's those pigfucker americans that are always lovely.

PetraCore posted:

Yeah idk why he doesn't just try learning how to give her a clitoral orgasm if he's so fixated on wanting to give her an orgasm. It's not a bad thing to want to sexually please your partner, but making it all about you is.

maskenfreiheit posted:

Yeah it’s not unlikely the kind of guy who is obsessed with making “his woman” come might also think going down on a woman is gross/emasculating.

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

that said i've never been hassled by canadian customs, and they've always seemed professionally courteous to me. it's those pigfucker americans that are always lovely.

girl pants posted:

Sometimes it's easier to fake an orgasm than explain to the incredibly insecure fucknut on top of you that mashing your clit like it's the close door button on an elevator isn't going to get you there

quote:

So I'll get right to the point- Our sex life isn't that great. For some reason sex hurts me A LOT. He has been so patient with me which is amazing and I always let him know how much I appreciate it. I read about some exercises I can try to make it hurt less, but fingering myself is really uncomfortable.

The other day I was at the mall and I came across vibrators. I started thinking about how much it sucks that I'm not comfortable with my own body, and how much I wish we can finally start enjoying sex. I thought it might help me learn to be more comfortable with masturbating, and eventually make it less painful to have sex. This way we can both start enjoying it and he wouldn't have to wait anymore. So I went ahead and bought it.

When I showed it to him while we were video chatting (we're in a long distance relationship while he dorms at school) , he got really mad. He said that he's not comfortable with it and basically he doesn't want me to use it. He says he wants sex to be just between us, not "some plastic piece of poo poo" (in his words). He basically went on and on and on about how I'm finding a substitute for him and how disgusting it is, and how I got it because I'm not satisfied with him. He said I'm lying about my reason, and that the only reason I want it is because I just want to feel good.

So trying to explain my reasoning and how it will benefit both of us wasn't working. So I told him that there is no difference between watching porn and using a vibrator using that logic. I told him that I'm sorry he feels that way, but I am still going to use it and he has to get used to it. Que more ranting.

The last thing he said to me (which he had been repeating throughout his rant) was that if I go ahead and use it, he will no longer have respect for all the patience he has had with our sex life (I'm not sure what he means by this). He said all his patience and respect will go down the drain. Once I use it, he says he will no longer be patient with me.

I don't know what to do at this point.

tl;dr: My boyfriend is mad that I bought a vibrator and says he will no longer be patient with me.

EDIT: Thank you for all the comments and messages from everyone-you guys are awesome. I asked him to clarify what he means when he says he will no longer be patient. He said that when it hurts he'll stop but he will be really mad about it. (???) He said that the vibrator better work or else he won't be patient when it hurts anymore.

EDIT 2: To clarify again, he doesn't mean he wants to physically hurt me or force me to do something that is painful. He means that next time we try, if it hurts me he will stop but won't be understanding and will be mad about it. Still not okay, but it is an important distinction.

Once again, thank you guys so much for all the advice!

Haifisch posted:

Speaking of guys melting down when their dong isn't enough to get a woman off:

Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [18 M] for 1.5 years, I bought a vibrator and he is really mad at me.