/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »

Daikatana Ritsu: Aug 1, 2008

How do I post on reddit, I want to ask them about this

# ? Dec 21, 2017 08:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 3, 2024 13:28

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

[18 M] I keep accidentally grazing my girlfriend's boob[21 F] and I know she doesn't appreciate it. How can I prevent such mistakes from happening?

quote:

My gf and I have been dating for about a month and the first three weeks went smoothly, but this week, I've accidentally grazed her boob three times and it needs to stop.

The first time, I wanted to hold hands and her hands were crossed. I went for her hand and grazed her boob in the process.

The second time, I was trying to adjust a blanket that was laying on both our laps and, again, I grazed her boob

The third time, I was caressing her arm on the bicep side and went a bit too high without realizing, grazing her boob once more.

Every time, I've apologized extensively and she believes me when I say they were mistakes. I know all of those were preventable and I still beat myself up for still doing them. She tells me I shouldn't beat myself up, but it still hurts me that I hurt her like that. She has pretty big boobs and we do cuddle, so I acknowledge that mistakes are going to happen, but I want to prevent them as much as possible. If it happens again in the near future, I'm going to have to cut off cuddling for a while.

We've discussed what to do about this, and we've decided that we're both going to be on the watch for potentially risky situations, that we're both willing to cut off cuddling if we have to, and that I'm going to be extra careful not to make another mistake.

I've learned from every one of my mistakes. I don't grab her hand anymore. I ask for it. I'm more careful with blankets. And I'm only going to caress the outside of her arm from now on. The question is what is the root of this issue and how do we, as a couple, prevent any such mistakes from happening again?

(Notice) I know a lot of people will ask why I don't want to touch my gf's boobs. The core of it is religious. God says to wait til marriage, so we are. But, aside from that, it's about honor. It's my responsibility to protect her and I'm the one hurting her. And she may go off to marry someone else someday and, if that happens, I don't want to take what is meant for him by touching her boobs before we're married. And even if those other reasons weren't real, I still wouldn't want to do it because she doesn't want me to and it's her body.

tl;dr: I've accidentally grazed my gf's boob three times in the past week and I want to know what we can do together to prevent that from happening again.

Religion fucks People so hard.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 09:48

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Hooo boy.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 09:52

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

�Tis better to have thrice grazed a boob and lost one�s soul than never to have grazed a boob at all.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 09:54

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

I bet she got her boob touched accidentally loads of times,the impure hussy. Ruined for marriage in any case! Honor soiled

Jack-Off Lantern fucked around with this message at 10:02 on Dec 21, 2017

# ? Dec 21, 2017 09:56

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

��Tis better to have thrice grazed a boob and rendered a woman impure and unworthy of marriage than never to have grazed a boob at all� is just upsetting though.

I don�t like that one.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 09:59

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

My [16/M] girlfriend [19/F] of 1 year pressured me into having sex with her on her birthday. I feel confused about the whole situation.

quote:

It was my girlfriend�s birthday a week ago. She asked me to wait in her room because she wanted to show me something. I waited patiently and she came out of the bathroom naked.

I was uncomfortable from the beginning, but it was her birthday and I didn�t want to ruin it for her. We started kissing and she tried initiating sex. I told her I didn�t want to do it yet because I wasn�t ready. She started crying and asked me why I wouldn't make love to her on her birthday. She was confused why I didn't want to lose my virginity to her.

I felt guilty. I hated seeing my girlfriend cry, especially on her birthday. I let her get on top of me. It was painful. She saw that I was crying. She kissed me and tried telling me everything would be okay. She only got off after I orgasmed.

I hid myself in her bathroom and started crying. I could hear her sobbing. She apologized a countless number of times. She said "I'm sorry for hurting you." and that we'd never have sex again without my full consent. She reassured me it would never happen again.

I love my girlfriend but I�m not sure how I feel about the situation. She has apologized about what happened every day, and begs for my forgiveness. I don't want to leave her, I still love her.

I know she�s genuinely sorry about what she did to me. This week she's been showing me a lot of remorse. She's been writing love letters to me every day and I enjoy reading them. She�s asked me if there was anything else she could do to make me feel more comfortable around her.

Should I have told my parents? Called the police? Broke up with her?

tl;dr: My girlfriend of 1 year pressured me into having sex with her, on her birthday. I felt guilty, so I let her get on top of me. It felt painful and I was crying during it. She apologized right after we finished having sex. For the last week she�s been trying to show me that she�s sorry and cares about me.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:09

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Theophany posted:

My [16/M] girlfriend [19/F] of 1 year pressured me into having sex with her on her birthday. I feel confused about the whole situation.

Kill her for being a rapist piece of garbage

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:15

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

BEEP BOOP, PLEASE APPLY CONSENT FORM 28A WITH THE INTENTION OF INITIATING INTERCOURSE.

CONSENT CAN BE REVOKED AT ANY POINT DURING THE TRANSACTION,ROBOCOP WILL BE INFORMED

Edit

Hes 16? Is he gay? gently caress. Are Millenials too hosed to gently caress?

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:17

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Jack-Off Lantern posted:

BEEP BOOP, PLEASE APPLY CONSENT FORM 28A WITH THE INTENTION OF INITIATING INTERCOURSE.

CONSENT CAN BE REVOKED AT ANY POINT DURING THE TRANSACTION,ROBOCOP WILL BE INFORMED

Edit

Hes 16? Is he gay? gently caress. Are Millenials too hosed to gently caress?

drat nigga

that's a hot-rear end take

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:19

Proud Rat Mom: Apr 2, 2012; did absolutely fuck all

Theophany posted:

My [16/M] girlfriend [19/F] of 1 year pressured me into having sex with her on her birthday. I feel confused about the whole situation.

lmao do people actually fall for this bait?

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:22

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Proud Rat Mom posted:

lmao do people actually fall for this bait?

It does seem a bit like an MRA sting, but I'm honestly incapable of telling the difference given how broken some of the people on that subreddit are.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:24

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

I [21 M] spent a drunk evening with my [21 F] ex. Three weeks later I learned I had a skin infestation known as 'scabies'.

quote:

So about a week leading up to the night we spent together my hands and legs were really itchy, I didn't think it could have been anything serious as there was no rash or resemblance to any STD's or STI's. So I neglected to have it diagnosed and treated.

A week later we spent the night together after a halloween party, where emotions were high on my end. We've been broken up for about 4 months now but still friends while hooking up on and off. Being at the club just me and her brought back a lot of memories and feelings about our past and our relationship. I grew more and more sad about not being with her and slowly got enveloped by my own insecurities of being alone and watching her skip off with another man.

After a few drinks and a couple hours of pacing around the bar, watching her talk to other guys at a distance not wanting to interfere but feeling the strong desire to go and stop any potential chemistry. Eventually she decided she had enough (both in drinks and in time spent there) so we agreed to leave as I was more than ready.

We had a heartfelt honest talk which got me even more emotional about her, and we arrived at her place. I held her for a few minutes, longing to spend time with her and for the chance to fix my mistakes and potentially rekindle our relationship I hinted at spending the night. She accepted and we went inside.

We get into her room and things get intimate. Were both enjoying ourselves until right before it escalated from foreplay she confessed to being too drunk to do this. She admitted to wanting to, but just being too drunk to properly partake. Saddened by this I reluctantly comply and we start chatting in bed. She brings up wanting to go get water saying shed go get it in the next 30 seconds. Half an hour went by before I reminded her, to which she still didn't go get it. This led me to start teasing her to get up, which went from teasing to sex fairly quickly. I used a condom and we both fell asleep.

In the morning she asked if we had sex last night and I told her what happened and she got upset. Due to the fact that she said she couldn't do it and I still went for it. Dumbfounded by how obviously wrong my behaviour was, I apologized immediately. She accepted but was still kind of angry.

Fast forward 1 week after my doctor had gotten back from her vacation. I was leaving for mine. The itch got worse and the rash developed while I was gone, to which as soon as I was back I booked an appointment and was diagnosed with Scabies and prescribed the appropriate treatment. I used the cream and the next day I told her. Initially she wasn't that angry, she was just glad it wasn't anything more serious. She got the treatment the same day and dealt with the problem before it was one.

Fast forward another week and we decide to hangout for the night. I get to her place and we chat talk and chill for a bit before she brings up that night we hooked up. Telling me to never to that to her or anyone else ever again. I agreed wholeheartedly and promised both her and myself that it would never happen again. After a bit she starts asking about scabies, when/where/who I got it from etc. She put two and two together and asked if I had symptoms on halloween. Because I was itchy I told her yes and she went from calm and curious to fuming with rage. I told her I didn't know what it was if it was even anything. I knew this still didn't justify my actions but I thought it would at least decriminalize me a little in her eyes. Needless to say it didn't and after a few days of processing what I had done and almost given her. She basically declared her absolute disgust for me as a person and how she plans on publicly flaying me to some degree she sees fit. I didn't deny her of that as I understood how I had wronged her.

Its been about two or three weeks since then and I haven't heard from her nor reached out to her once. To what I understand shell be coming to my christmas party this Friday and I have no idea what to expect.

I guess what I'm wanting to know is your opinions on this situation and what I might be able to expect from her, how long shell be angry at me, how I can make it up to her or gain her forgiveness and how I should move forward.

TL;DR selfishly took advantage of my drunk ex, whilst having but not knowing I was host to an annoying contagious skin condition, I told her once I found out, eventually she found out I had it the same night we hooked up and now wants my metaphorical head on a plate. I feel loving terrible and want nothing more than to earn her forgiveness and leave this terrible mess behind us.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:25

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

That was a lot of words to say 'we hosed'. I don't even get the point of that post, congrats on your drunken hookup and being a filthy animal with parasites all over?

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:33

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Serephina posted:

That was a lot of words to say 'we hosed'. I don't even get the point of that post, congrats on your drunken hookup and being a filthy animal with parasites all over?

It's a bit weird that they're going to the same club when they're broken up and he's hawking around trying to make excuses to stop her from hooking up with anybody else. Sounds like he's definitely not over it and is hanging around her to try and interfere with any opportunity for her to move on with her life. Oh, and it seems just a teensie bit rapey too.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 10:56

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Thought my boyfriend (29M) was cheating, but it turned out he was actually just buying a ring for me (30F). Turns out he bought the ring as an excuse, and instead was visiting his 'mother' who he told me was dead. What the gently caress is going on exactly? How do I confront him about this?

quote:

caught my boyfriend sneaking out, and when I questioned him about it he was stumbling on his words and was clearly lying or making an excuse. His face was red, he was flustered, he couldn't even finish his sentence before he just left out. I was super confused, and I thought... he must be cheating. Like, sneaking out randomly? Not telling the truth about it? Okay, hes cheating. It just seemed obvious, like why else lie. Im not the type to like, jump to conclusions, but it was so drat suspicious.

Except he came back, and I was standing there like "hello, do you have an excuse?" and then he proposed to me! right then and there. It turns out he was going to buy a ring, thats why he didnt want to tell me. All suspicion left me, we had a nice dinner, and just had a great night.

The next week he left his phone on the counter and I saw it ring and the contact said "mom". I was like, what the hell? For one, his mom is dead. Like, I've heard this from his brother and cousin. I was so confused over this so I decided to just read some texts if there were some. That got me even more confused. The texts were saying "hi, can you come over and bring this or that over?" this or that usually being some form of groceries or something. This was the part that freaked me out the worst. A series of texts on that day he proposed, about 20 minutes before he left in a hurry saying "Get over here now! Please! I've been waiting all day!" and him replying "okay mom".

So that was the reason he left. To see this 'mom' of his. This mom of his must be so drat secret that in order to deflect from it, he bought me a whole engagement ring. I don't know if he had plans to buy that ring either way and this was the excuse for it, but I feel... almost nasty accepting it on this premise that he was just using it as an excuse to deflect from another lie.

So uhh. What the gently caress? I don't even know how to confront him about this. What type of mom could this be? An alternative mom? Why is he bringing her groceries and all that poo poo? Why is he keeping this a secret?

He is coming home in 5 hours, I want to ask him but I don't even know where to begin.

tl;dr: Boyfriend has a fake mom that he buys groceries for.

MFW I call the sidechick 'mom' to keep it secret but forget my fiancee knows my actual mom is dead.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 13:44

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Palpek posted:

Thought my boyfriend (29M) was cheating, but it turned out he was actually just buying a ring for me (30F). Turns out he bought the ring as an excuse, and instead was visiting his 'mother' who he told me was dead. What the gently caress is going on exactly? How do I confront him about this?

MFW I call the sidechick 'mom' to keep it secret but forget my fiancee knows my actual mom is dead.

Is it a side chick or his drug connection?

# ? Dec 21, 2017 13:51

ZearothK: Aug 25, 2008; I've lost twice, I've failed twice and I've gotten two dishonorable mentions within 7 weeks. But I keep coming back. I am The Trooper!

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021

Palpek posted:

Thought my boyfriend (29M) was cheating, but it turned out he was actually just buying a ring for me (30F). Turns out he bought the ring as an excuse, and instead was visiting his 'mother' who he told me was dead. What the gently caress is going on exactly? How do I confront him about this?

MFW I call the sidechick 'mom' to keep it secret but forget my fiancee knows my actual mom is dead.

Yeah, this was posted a few pages back, her boyfriend is in the drug business.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 13:53

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Theophany posted:

My [16/M] girlfriend [19/F] of 1 year pressured me into having sex with her on her birthday. I feel confused about the whole situation.

That's sexual assault and he should go to the police.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 14:15

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

Pick posted:

:-(

Many people would be willing to call this guy a selfish baby but chronic pain/illness takes a HUGE toll on your S/O. Chronic pain people on a bad pain day could be bedridden. They can be cranky and a good portion of "going out" or date nights may be cancelled because fighting the pain can be exhausting even if you're technically already resting. They can be struggling with medical payments thanks to America's lovely health insurance system or have trouble holding down a job at all, due to the pain, so there is a financial issue as well in the long term. Chronic pain is literally torture and the person is stuck fighting their own private hell while the rest of the world demands normal function out of them. This puts the S/O in a bad position too where their partner needs much more emotional support and can't do as much as a healthy person, physically or sometimes emotionally.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 14:21

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Theophany posted:

It does seem a bit like an MRA sting, but I'm honestly incapable of telling the difference given how broken some of the people on that subreddit are.

Sorry but Twitter has concluded we must believe all victims.

Also his writing style actually reminds me of one of the autistic kids I used to tutor so I do think it might be true :smith:

# ? Dec 21, 2017 14:38

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

maskenfreiheit posted:

Sorry but Twitter has concluded we must believe all victims.

He mansplained that he didn't want to lose his virginity to her, therefore she was re-balancing the power dynamic by raping him so its even.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 15:39

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Should he report it? Yes
Will the cops nearly assuredly ignore him and put his call on speaker and mute so they can laufh at him? Ooooh yeah

# ? Dec 21, 2017 15:42

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Barudak posted:

Should he report it? Yes
Will the cops nearly assuredly ignore him and put his call on speaker and mute so they can laufh at him? Ooooh yeah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7SpXGz-XOc

# ? Dec 21, 2017 15:49

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Theophany posted:

My [16/M] girlfriend [19/F] of 1 year pressured me into having sex with her on her birthday. I feel confused about the whole situation.

I hope this dude gets therapy because he seems really messed up from the experience. :smith:

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:13

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

The last few pages are mostly stories of absolute scum still managing to have girlfriends and get laid. I wonder if I was a 25 year old virgin and read about all those guys still getting laid if I might think maybe the female gender does have something against me oops now I'm an MRA

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:34

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

tactlessbastard posted:

The last few pages are mostly stories of absolute scum still managing to have girlfriends and get laid. I wonder if I was a 25 year old virgin and read about all those guys still getting laid if I might think maybe the female gender does have something against me oops now I'm an MRA

Is there nuance that separates MRA from incel or am I confusing it with redpill morons?

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:39

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Theophany posted:

Is there nuance that separates MRA from incel or am I confusing it with redpill morons?

Incels mostly hate themselves, MRAs hate women.

Joke - both hate themselves AND women!

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:41

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Theophany posted:

Is there nuance that separates MRA from incel or am I confusing it with redpill morons?

Yeah,incel probably works better there

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:43

Arturia: Jan 24, 2017; Can't stop clicking circles

tactlessbastard posted:

The last few pages are mostly stories of absolute scum still managing to have girlfriends and get laid. I wonder if I was a 25 year old virgin and read about all those guys still getting laid if I might think maybe the female gender does have something against me oops now I'm an MRA

Don't you hate it when that happens? You're just sitting there, minding your own business, then BOOM!

You become an MRA.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:43

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Red pill types basically think they figured out that "one weird trick that makes women gently caress!!!!!" Whereas MRAs think that, actually, it is men who are oppressed (there are actually some decent points to that point of view as a theory relative to the former tender doctrine, the draft, the disposability of male labor, etc., but it's about as retarded as you'd expect in actual practice and always turns into women not sucking their dicks enough) and incels basically think that 90% of women are being hosed by 1% of men, and sex communism should be instated

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:48

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Even crazy men can get dates and girlfriends if they actively ask women out rather than sitting at home stewing in their own hatred all day

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:49

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Inescapable Duck posted:

Even crazy men can get dates and girlfriends if they actively ask women out rather than sitting at home stewing in their own hatred all day

Shocking really! People who attempt to get things get things more often than people who don�t! It�s a complex principle but a powerful predictor.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:53

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Pick posted:

Shocking really! People who attempt to get things get things more often than people who don�t!

Unless those things are under a truck.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:56

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Inescapable Duck posted:

Even crazy men can get dates and girlfriends if they actively ask women out rather than sitting at home stewing in their own hatred all day

therefor if i try to get a girlfriend and don't the only explanation is vast misandric conspiracy.

oh sorry, thought this tab was reddit

i [23f] literally cannot deal with my boyfriend [23m] farting anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!

quote:

this post may seem kind of silly but it is a serious problem. he has an illness where a side effect is his poops and farts smell xtra terrible. when he sleeps he farts A LOT!!!! to the point the smell wakes me up in the middle of the night and i have to leave. it is making me physically angry to be waken up all the time not to mention disgusted. i know he can't helkp it, i would never say this to him but i absolutely cannot sleep with him. it sucks that i cannot sleep next to him and makes me really sad and kind of makes me want to laugh at the same time cause it is so silly but really is affecting me.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:56

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

blarzgh posted:

Unless those things are under a truck.

It�s funny you say that but he explained one of his guiding principles was to not try to get good things and to be satisfied with bad things. I really wanted to shake him of that, with or without me, but no such luck anyway.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 16:59

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

maskenfreiheit posted:

i [23f] literally cannot deal with my boyfriend [23m] farting anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very rude of my fiance to misgender us like this.

I’m [22M] concerned and kind of disgusted by my boyfriends of 9 months [28M] choice of engagement “ring.”

quote:

u/IllllIllI1llI

Throwaway account because my boyfriend may use reddit, I’m not sure.

He wants to buy me a collar. Like a studded dog collar and call it an engagement ring and expects me to wear it in public. He says he sees no difference between a ring and a dog collar.

I’ll admit that my boyfriend and I don’t have a typical relationship. We’re in more of an older-bro/little bro type thing. We have never been into pup play (which is where I’m assuming the collar comes from) at all.

The conversation started off with us talking about buying a collar. It’s something I’d be somewhat interested in for use in the bedroom, I won’t lie. A few months ago we briefly talked about what kind of more kinky stuff we’d be into. I showed a slight interest in pup play but never took it any further than the 5 minute conversation we had.

I don’t mind wearing a collar for him in the privacy of our own home. But, he wants me to wear it in public too. I do not feel comfortable expressing the dynamic of our relationship in public. I told him exactly that, and he turned it into me being closed minded and how I’m uncomfortable with being myself, along with being dishonest and lying to people about our relationship. IMO, me being myself and honest about us has nothing to do with expressing our sex life in public. That’s just too personal for me.

I just don’t appreciate showing off the dynamic of our relationship in public. Expressing my love for him in public is one thing, but I do not feel comfortable expressing that with a collar at all. I would prefer something more traditional, like a ring. But, I don’t feel like he respects my feelings about it at all since he flipped out because of me telling him that I was uncomfortable.

Other than that our relationship has been fine. This is the first argument we’ve ever had.

Honestly I’ve been contemplating leaving him because of this. I don’t want to feel like he “owns” me, which is exactly how I feel about him even bringing up the collar.

I just need some advice on what to do or say. I’m honestly appalled by the fact he even brought it up.

TL;DR - boyfriend brought up the idea of proposing to me with a dog collar. I’m not into it and he got mad because I’m being “closed-minded.”

Update: He apologized for acting the way he did. Collars are off the table. And he actually apologized for overstepping my boundaries with the kink stuff.

Since this is his first offense, I think I’ll give him another chance lol. He’s always been very respectful of my boundaries and how I feel. This is the only time he’s acted this way. But, if it becomes a problem in the future I don’t think this will work between him and I.

Well that's really something but I hope they manage to work out boundaries and --

quote:

Update 2: nvm dumped him.

lol

# ? Dec 21, 2017 17:00

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Me [28 F] problems with my Dad [66 M] - recent unwanted gift, increasingly offensive views over time

quote:

Hi! First time on this sub so hopefully I'm doing everything correctly. I am seeking advice on a specific situation with my father as well as the relationship more generally.

Background (probably can be skipped over but maybe provides some explanation of the origins of this situation): my father, despite being quite intelligent with a PhD in mathematics, has never been gainfully employed in his field, or any field, as an adult (mom (67 F) was breadwinner and that was fine). He started investing in the stock market in the 90s, 'made' several million dollars, and lost it all just after my mother retired when the tech bubble collapsed because he didn't want to sell and pay taxes. This included my mother's retirement account which she had worked for in medical research for 25+ years. They started over, again my mother supporting them now by doing housecleaning and then starting a landscaping business which they now do together. This is hard physical work for them at their age but they do not have another source of income.

Although always conservative, around the time the stock market debacle happened, my father increasingly became drawn to more fringe views, mainly focusing on economics rather than social issues. He went through a phase where he was obsessed with Ron Paul, the gold standard, tied every negative event back to "bankers," etc. In the past few years, he has begun to rely on more and more fringe sources for his 'news,' and focused less on economic issues, moving from Drudge Report to now being enamored with InfoWars and related sites/podcasts/youtube channels. He will spend hours each day reading InfoWars and watching youtube videos from them and their affiliates. When my parents visit our house, we will be watching something on TV or having a conversation and he will be watching his videos at full volume in the same room. When we eat, he doesn't join us, but rather stands at his computer reading these articles in the kitchen.

Beyond my aversion to fake news of any political slant, this makes me extremely uncomfortable in my own home. It's pretty awkward to listen to diatribes about the evils of feminism when you describe yourself as a feminist. The first time he met my ex, he managed to steer the conversation to how 9/11 was an inside job within 5 minutes.

My mother enables this; when I raised my discomfort with the situation after he wore an InfoWars hat out to a public event with us she said he is entitled to his political views and is a hard worker so should not be criticized. The thing is, I don't really see hatred of entire groups of people based on fabricated stories to be valid political views. If he were merely a garden variety conservative, I could accept that as a generational difference. If he actually espoused these views directly to me, I would respond and rebut them. But he doesn't - mostly he just listens to them loudly in my living room and leaves them up on his computer at all times. He is also insulted if you suggest he use headphones.

The specific situation I could use specific advice on about what to say: During their last visit, he brought up that they bought a $150 water filter (even though they struggle to make ends meet) from InfoWars to remove "toxins" from their tap water and he thought my partner and I might like one since we are vegan and tend to try to follow a healthy lifestyle. I said we were not interested in a water filter at this time (we don't have water quality issues and are not afraid of "toxins" in our water) and we don't have space for one (we don't). A few days later, my mother emailed me telling us that he ordered the filter for us and it would be delivered to our house. I was very upset, seeing this as rude and condescending. I also feel ethically unable to accept a gift purchased for me from InfoWars - beyond this being an awful site in my view, I feel that he is getting scammed out of their meager earnings by fearmongering. When it arrived, we returned it to sender but my mother wants me to email him and explain (nicely) that we don't have space for it but we are so happy he thought of us, etc. This doesn't sit that well with me. I am having trouble finding an appropriate middle ground between alienating my father completely by telling him I find his views repulsive and he and they are unwelcome in my home, and fawning over him thanking him for a gift that I specifically told him we did not want.

The general situation I could use advice about : If I were giving advice to someone else, I'd tell them not to tolerate bigotry in their home and to try to open a discussion about fake news, why these views are harmful, etc. But I have anxiety and am very conflict-avoidant, and he tends to blow up and/or sulk endlessly when criticized. My relationship with him has been strained for quite some time, but I still find it difficult to really start an argument. He will be very hurt if challenged and likely take it out on my mother (I consider their relationship to be borderline abusive but she will never leave him). I also do not want to sever my relationship with my mother and am finding it really difficult to figure out how to move forward cautiously but without continuing to enable his behavior.

Thank you so much for any advice you are willing to offer, and for taking the time to read this post!

I like the part where the unemployed PhD holding man child is a "hard worker" who can wear whatever hat he wants

# ? Dec 21, 2017 17:00

dog nougat: Apr 8, 2009

I don't see the issue here. Like just say: "Your farts smell awful and wake me up at night, I can't sleep around you while this is happening." That's assuming this is some temporary thing, if it's something more permanent without any way of being treated, I guess either learn to sleep with your nostrils plugged, or with an O2 mask, or just tell him you can't reconcile his cursed bowels.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 17:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 3, 2024 13:28

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

Blade Runner posted:

sex communism

Strong username choice.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 17:02

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »