Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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Mycroft Holmes: Mar 26, 2010; by Azathoth

VanSandman posted:

Finedom: Dom, but you tell them things will be fine and aren�t mean about it.

don't stop i'm almost there

# ? Jan 2, 2018 22:10

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# ? May 25, 2024 19:30

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Yeah, you LIKE it when everything�s going to be okay, don�t you? Look at you. Content. Reassured. Safe. Mmn. I�m going to softly whisper to you about how I�m here to hold you no matter what life throws our way and you�re going to listen.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 09:50

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Followup from the guy with the pedo dad:

quote:

To follow up on the step-daughter situation, I told my girlfriend on the ride home and she was as demolished as I was. She questioned me on all of the scenarios that I thought about the last 24 hours and came to the same conclusions I did. I'm going to talk to an ex criminal psychologist today, who I trust, and see what the next move is. She goes back to school this week, so she's at her dad and stepmom's house until Friday night.

I had my girlfriend look through all of the videos via RDP (I only ever opened one), and all 24 are 3 minute clips with motion activation. All the clips contain nudity, which means they've been selected from a bigger list of clips that don't contain any, because it's not like she goes into her room to only change. I searched through his drives and didn't find anything else. We're wondering if this was a temporary store that was meant to get moved to an external drive and never got deleted. As far as I saw from Windows file dates, the files haven't been touched since they were placed there. I looked through her room briefly for a camera (it has since been rearranged from when the videos took place) but I didn't have the opportunity to tear it apart.

I'm unsure if the mother is involved; I could see her justifying a camera in her room based on 2 things: she used to stalk her imessages from the stepdaughter's old ipod touch because mom was quarreling with the stepmom, and she used to walk in on her while she was showering because she would take extremely long showers. I'm pretty confident she doesn't know about this list of selected clips, though.

The weirdest thing about this to me is that a guy whose computer may or may not contain child porn of his stepdaughter would let someone else do maintenance on it involving checking out large files without doing a just-in-case check on it beforehand

quote:

On New Year�s Eve, like most people, I got very drunk and very horny.

I met a girl, we hit it off pretty well, we went back to my apartment. We kissed at midnight, that moved on to making out. And that moved to sex. Buzzed, messy, awkward sex. But the first sex I had in almost a year and a half, so it was pretty great.

She has been texting me ever since, and herein lies the problem. We spoke a bit before loving, but not very much in detail. I�ve since discovered from her texts that she is batshit crazy and ready to propose to me. She�s told me she never had an orgasm before with a partner, so I�m her �soul mate�. She�s told me she loves me and has sent me pictures of her at the jewelry store buying an engagement ring. She wants to marry me and we�ve literally just slept together once.

I�ve told her I wasn�t interested and blocked her, but things took a dark turn today.

I put some mail in my mailbox before going to work and found a hand written letter in there. In short, it said that she loved that I was playing hard to get, because �the prey that fights back and challenges you always makes for the sweetest meal�.

I have obviously involved the police at this point, but I don�t have much else to do on yet.

I am really scared. She knows where I live, my contact info, and some other personal things. Including where I work. I don�t feel safe here and keep looking out the window. The police have offered to escort me home and watch the house tonight, but haven�t found her yet. I have them all the info I had on her (name, cell phone, details she told me) but a lot of it was apparently lies.

The building she claimed to live in has no record of anyone with her name. Police talked to the landlord and nobody matching her description lives there. Her cell phone number links back to a family in Florida. Probably her parents, which is the last piece of info the police gave me today.

I have never been so scared in my life.

As usual, assuming everything is true: Take whatever protection the police are willing to give you. This girl is probably not a master criminal, and if they've found her parents they're tracking her down. You'll probably be okay. Good luck, though!

# ? Jan 3, 2018 13:57

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Maybe take a quiet vacation for a week, but watch out for cars following you

# ? Jan 3, 2018 14:17

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Nice humble brag about sexually satisfying a girl, you loser.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 14:24

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

got any sevens posted:

Maybe take a quiet vacation for a week,

lol imagine if even like 20% of americans could do this

# ? Jan 3, 2018 14:57

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

lmao holy poo poo that letter is terrifying

Here's my advice. Your old life is over get the hell out of there!!

# ? Jan 3, 2018 15:31

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

loquacius posted:

Followup from the guy with the pedo dad:

The weirdest thing about this to me is that a guy whose computer may or may not contain child porn of his stepdaughter would let someone else do maintenance on it involving checking out large files without doing a just-in-case check on it beforehand

We keep getting these sorts of stories about dumbass pedos getting caught, but what if the stupid ones are just the tip of the iceberg and there are ten times as many pedos who meticulously cover their tracks and get away with it? I'm scared now.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 16:00

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

"Hi I'm a huge pussy and I'm scared of a girl."

# ? Jan 3, 2018 16:10

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

yeah ok �I have a mailbox� nice humblebrag bitch

# ? Jan 3, 2018 16:14

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Worst case scenario you get killed by a woman and get turned into a Lifetime movie of the week. Maybe David Schwimmer will play you.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 16:16

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

RCarr posted:

"Hi I'm a huge pussy and I'm scared of a girl."

Here lies RCarr, he wasn't afraid of a girl and then she stabbed him.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 16:18

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

Jim Barris posted:

Here lies RCarr, he wasn't afraid of a girl and then she stabbed him.

Cary and conceal friendo

# ? Jan 3, 2018 16:36

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Jim Barris posted:

Here lies RCarr, he wasn't afraid of a girl and then she stabbed him.

Doesn't matter, had sex

# ? Jan 3, 2018 16:41

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Burt Sexual posted:

Cary and conceal friendo

Nice humblebrag about your dick

# ? Jan 3, 2018 17:29

Ratzap: Jun 9, 2012; Let no pie go wasted; Soiled Meat

loquacius posted:

Followup from the guy with the pedo dad:

The weirdest thing about this to me is that a guy whose computer may or may not contain child porn of his stepdaughter would let someone else do maintenance on it involving checking out large files without doing a just-in-case check on it beforehand

Nah, people are dumb. Really loving dumb and that goes triple when computers are involved. Remember Gary Glitter? Even after that was in all the papers for so long, people still do the same poo poo. Late 2017, a UK MP has porn all over a work laptop. This will not stop happening because horny, guilty people make terrible decisions.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 17:50

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

If you ever think "nobody is that stupid" about something involving computers, you will be proven wrong eventually. Just look at that thaddeus guy who openly posted on facebook about carrying CP around with him and he wasn't even joking (although i think the "it was just a joke" thing was his defense for having it).

Crazy girl goon: just use common sense. Keep your doors and windows locked, do what you're already doing and keep the police informed of any updates, and hope you don't die. Do not try and talk to her and get her to calm down, just pretend like she never existed and let every attempt she makes at getting to you be met with the law. The more you give in to her "hunt" thing and act afraid the more she'll pursue it.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 18:05

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

I hope he rawdogged it and she got preggers

# ? Jan 3, 2018 18:09

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Crazy Girl goon: A big part of security and feeling secure is having some kind of routine where you ensure you are actually secure. Make it a habit before you go to bed to ensure all the doors and windows are locked. I don't just mean look at the locks either, check that poo poo. Lock your door then try to open it or give the window a tug after securing it. If you feel that isn't enough sleep with a non-bladed weapon that isn't a firearm near your bed. It's hard to seriously injure yourself with a blunt weapon and unless you have training/experience of waking up and immediately going into action you will probably hurt yourself more than the intruder. Maybe go outside your home and take a look around to see where someone could get in. If there is a tree branch someone could use to get to the second floor cut that bitch off. Be sure to check doors and windows again while outside to make sure you didn't miss anything. You won't make your home impregnable but you can make it hard enough to get in she either won't bother or you'll buy yourself some time. The devil is always in the details when it comes to security.

I guess outside of your home be more aware of your surroundings. Work with the police too. As much as I hate police and know there is ample evidence to disprove what I'm about to say, they are professionals who are trained to deal with this. Trust them.

Otherwise if she does attack you you'll at least have a cool story to tell later. Good luck and stay safe one night stand ghost.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 18:46

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

limp_cheese posted:

If there is a tree branch someone could use to get to the second floor cut that bitch off.

Cut the branch half way through, that way when she's up there it'll break, and she'll come crashing to earth, crippling her. Good luck stalking anyone from a wheelchair, you crazy wheelchair bitch!!

# ? Jan 3, 2018 19:42

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

wesleywillis posted:

Cut the branch half way through, that way when she's up there it'll break, and she'll come crashing to earth, crippling her. Good luck stalking anyone from a wheelchair, you crazy wheelchair bitch!!

If every angry Republican I knew in the 90s was correct, you could get sued for this

# ? Jan 3, 2018 19:46

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

loquacius posted:

If every angry Republican I knew in the 90s was correct, you could get sued for this

I will never forget being told that if you hit an attacker in the face, you could be sued for attempting to disfigure them

# ? Jan 3, 2018 19:52

Fintilgin: Sep 29, 2004; Fintilgin sweeps!

limp_cheese posted:

Crazy Girl goon: A big part of security and feeling secure is having some kind of routine where you ensure you are actually secure. Make it a habit before you go to bed to ensure all the doors and windows are locked. I don't just mean look at the locks either, check that poo poo. Lock your door then try to open it or give the window a tug after securing it. If you feel that isn't enough sleep with a non-bladed weapon that isn't a firearm near your bed. It's hard to seriously injure yourself with a blunt weapon and unless you have training/experience of waking up and immediately going into action you will probably hurt yourself more than the intruder. Maybe go outside your home and take a look around to see where someone could get in. If there is a tree branch someone could use to get to the second floor cut that bitch off. Be sure to check doors and windows again while outside to make sure you didn't miss anything. You won't make your home impregnable but you can make it hard enough to get in she either won't bother or you'll buy yourself some time. The devil is always in the details when it comes to security.

I guess outside of your home be more aware of your surroundings. Work with the police too. As much as I hate police and know there is ample evidence to disprove what I'm about to say, they are professionals who are trained to deal with this. Trust them.

Otherwise if she does attack you you'll at least have a cool story to tell later. Good luck and stay safe one night stand ghost.

You can also get little battery powered sticky alarms that go off if the window is opened or vibrates too much. Like $20 on Amazon or whatever, you can probably get them at Wal-Mart.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 21:04

Modus Pwnens: Dec 29, 2004

If you got her to orgasm through penetrative sex, you should probably marry her tbh

# ? Jan 3, 2018 21:21

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

I just ate some dry granola because i've been drinking and was too lazy to go buy milk or yoghurt at near 11pm

# ? Jan 3, 2018 23:46

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Water works.

# ? Jan 3, 2018 23:50

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Jose posted:

I just ate some dry granola because i've been drinking and was too lazy to go buy milk or yoghurt at near 11pm

Sir this is a McDonald's drive thru.

# ? Jan 4, 2018 00:17

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Jose posted:

I just ate some dry granola because i've been drinking and was too lazy to go buy milk or yoghurt at near 11pm

Have you considered beating the granola to death with a baseball bat after giving it a penetrative orgasm?

# ? Jan 4, 2018 00:47

soy: Jul 7, 2003; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Jose posted:

I just ate some dry granola because i've been drinking and was too lazy to go buy milk or yoghurt at near 11pm

A granola farts in he own mouth, a shameful granola.

# ? Jan 4, 2018 01:27

omnibobb: Dec 3, 2005; Title text'd

Solice Kirsk posted:

Have you considered beating the granola to death with a baseball bat after giving it a penetrative orgasm?

Yes, but unrelated to the thread.

# ? Jan 4, 2018 03:03

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

#2 from the guy with the stalker hookup:

quote:

The Florida number was her parents, who supposedly haven�t spoken to her in about a month, but are very wealthy and still pay her bills despite her being an adult.

The police also found her apartment. I can�t share everything about this yet but they discovered a collection of books on serial killers (not unusual on its own but scary knowing her), lots of rotten food sitting out, and a �male sex doll� that she possibly constructed herself out of a mannequin. Nothing illegal, just weird. She also hasn�t been in that apartment since January 2nd based on security camera footage from the lobby.

Nobody can find her. Police have my phone and unblocked her contact. She�s sent me between 4 and 5 thousand texts since we slept together, 500 missed calls, 40 voicemails, and around 200 messages on Snapchat. Most of them explicitly sexual, violent, or both.

I have a restraining order against her, but that doesn�t do anything if she�s insane and we don�t know where she is.

So I also have an undercover cop in my office, a different one who rides the bus with me, and they also patrol my apartment building 24 hrs a day since about 6 pm yesterday. No sign of her yet.

I live in the Northeast and it�s very very cold right now, too cold to survive outside. If she�s not at her apartment I assume she must be staying with a friend or maybe at a homeless shelter, although the police have looked for her there, too.

I will update more if anything happens. To prevent anyone trying to make this some crazy BS story (like I believe happened with that therapist story) I�ll keep using the password �<password deleted by Loq>� in future emails.

For the record, Therapy Goon consistently used a password from the first message to the last. It was, at the very least, a single person sending all of them, even if that does not necessarily make them true

quote:

I�m a 26 year old virgin who has been participating in no-fap for about 2 years in the hopes of getting laid.

I still enjoy porn and will watch porn without jacking off. My fear is this has warped my brain. I watch a lot of �stepmother hosed by son� stuff, and a lot of incest hentai.

A few nights ago I had a very sexual dream about my mother and woke up with a wet spot (semen) on my underpants and soaking into my mattress.

I quickly cleaned up so my parents didn�t see the stain and went back to bed.

I haven�t discussed it with them and have no friends I feel comfortable talking to.

In addition, this is the first time I�ve ejaculated and my no-fap is ruined. But I feel the same so I wonder if no-fap is a lie?

I am considering mentioning this to my mother and perhaps starting a non-romantic sexual relationship (ie I pay her for handjobs or titfucks) since I don�t see me losing my virginity anytime soon. I realize this sounds weird, though, to some of the more close-minded among us.

yeah please don't tell anyone about that other than possibly a therapist, jesus H

I don't really understand what not masturbating is supposed to get you w/r/t getting laid anyway; my advice is to cut that all out immediately and try to get out of the house more and for the love of god please do not propose to your mother that you set up a non-romantic relationship where you pay her for titfucks

# ? Jan 4, 2018 15:04

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

Yeah I don't see how no fap does anything to get you dates. Women are looking for dudes that are cool and interesting and lol if you think your dick status is that. You would have been better off jerking it and working on yourself personality or appearance wise for two years lmao

Also the incest fetish is loving gross don't admit that to anyone ever unless they are a therapist. ESPECIALLY not to your poor mom, WTF make you think she'd be up for that. I feel bad for her raising such an idiot

Xun fucked around with this message at 15:40 on Jan 4, 2018

# ? Jan 4, 2018 15:38

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

Ok stalker goon seems fake unless you live in like New Hampshire or Rhode Island. You are describing a $100,000 security detail right now so unless you are rich, white, and live in a place where cops have nothing better to do, then I�m calling bullshit.

Incest Goon: there�s no coming back from that conversation, but I am DYING to know why you�d think your mom would let you gently caress her for money? How do you imagine that conversation going? I promise you your mom would be disgusted and heartbroken and if your dad was still alive he�d either beat the shot out of you or just disown you for being a pervert.

Also I�m super confused, you don�t jack it but you watch porn all the time? Do you understand the testerone/hornone imbalance you are putting yourself through? No wonder you are hyper sexualizing your mother, your brain probably can�t breathe through all your stymied sexual behavior.

Edit: WAIT U STILL LIVE AT HOME! My dude, this is basically a form of suicide you are contemplating.

Bust Rodd fucked around with this message at 16:00 on Jan 4, 2018

# ? Jan 4, 2018 15:47

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

loquacius posted:

#2 from the guy with the stalker hookup:

Wow, I'm torn between wanting this to be real and hoping that it isn't.

# ? Jan 4, 2018 15:56

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

do it, no fap goon :ck5:

# ? Jan 4, 2018 16:02

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Bust Rodd posted:

Also I�m super confused, you don�t jack it but you watch porn all the time? Do you understand the testerone/hornone imbalance you are putting yourself through? No wonder you are hyper sexualizing your mother, your brain probably can�t breathe through all your stymied sexual behavior.

Edit: WAIT U STILL LIVE AT HOME! My dude, this is basically a form of suicide you are contemplating.

This is why I said "try to get out of the house more," my theory is that his mom is the only woman he talks to regularly and his hosed-up body chemistry is not responding well

Keeping from masturbating for years, with the goal of getting laid by someone anyone, seems like the worst strategy I can think of. You'll come off as desperate and thirsty and frustrated, which is actually not a turn-on, and then even if you do manage to get someone into bed all the sexual hangups you obviously have will torpedo your performance. And then to top it off if you're only talking to your parents anyway, what even is the point

Relax and let yourself touch your dick, anon

# ? Jan 4, 2018 16:12

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

So I also have an undercover cop in my office, a different one who rides the bus with me, and they also patrol my apartment building 24 hrs a day since about 6 pm yesterday.

uh right

# ? Jan 4, 2018 16:33

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

I am considering mentioning this to my mother and perhaps starting a non-romantic sexual relationship (ie I pay her for handjobs or titfucks) since I don’t see me losing my virginity anytime soon. I realize this sounds weird, though, to some of the more close-minded among us.

Let us know how that goes, sport

# ? Jan 4, 2018 16:33

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

Just do some Mom role play with your first partner and explain your wet dream + porn habits to them it�ll work out trust me

# ? Jan 4, 2018 16:34

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# ? May 25, 2024 19:30

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

Can someone direct me to the SA open minded mom/son incest subforum? tia

# ? Jan 4, 2018 16:39

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