Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

«‹›309 »

Koishi Komeiji

Interviewer: [Foodline test room at LAPD cafateria] Officer K-D-six-dash-three-dot-seven, let's begin. Ready?
K: Yes, sir.
Interviewer: Recite your foodline.
K: And blood-black grease began to sizzle... A system of burgs deep fried within burgs deep fried within burgs deep fried within one kitchen... And dreadfully distinct against the grease, a tall white soda fountain sprayed.
Interviewer: Burgs.
K: Burgs.
Interviewer: Have you ever been to a McDonalds? Burgs.
K: Burgs.
Interviewer: Do you sit at the booth or table? Burgs.
K: Burgs.
Interviewer: When you're not performing your duties do you eat cereal straight out of the box? Burgs.
K: Burgs.
Interviewer: Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: What's it like to hold a big juicy burg with two hands? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Did they teach you how to lick your fingers of the grease? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Do you long for having your stomach coated in grease? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Do you dream about being fat? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: What's it like to hold a burrito in your arms? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Do you feel that there's a part of you that's always hungry? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Within burgs deep fried.
K: Within burgs deep fried.
Interviewer: Why don't you say that three times: Within burgs deep fried.
K: Within burgs deep fried. Within burgs deep fried. Within burgs deep fried.
Interviewer: We're done... Constant K, you can pick up your bonus order of french fries.
K: Thank you, sir.

Koishi Komeiji fucked around with this message at 22:39 on Jan 3, 2018

# ? Jan 3, 2018 19:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 9, 2024 21:34

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

hahaha golden toasted buns

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 3, 2018 20:13

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Blade Runner about food:

"I want more fries fucker."

***

"You're in a Mexican restaurant, walking up to the counter, when all of a sudden you look down..."

"What one?"

"What?"

"What restaurant?"

"It doesn't make any difference what restaurant, it's completely hypothetical."

"But, how come I'd be there?"

"Maybe you're hungry. Maybe your're hungover. Who knows? You look down and see a torta, Leon."

"Torta? What's that?"

"You know what a sandwich is?"

"Of course!"

"Same thing."

"I've never eaten a sandwich... But I understand what you mean."

"You reach down and take the top piece of bread off the torta, Leon."

"Do you make up these questions, Mr. Bourdain? Or do they write 'em down for you?"

"The torta lays open-faced, the jamon and avacado inside glistening, beckoning to be eaten, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not eating."

"What do you mean, I'm not eating?"

"I mean: you're not eating! Why is that, Leon?"

[Leon licks his lips]

I love all of these but this one in particular is killing me!

# ? Jan 3, 2018 20:55

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Blade Runner about food:

"I want more fries fucker."

***

"You're in a Mexican restaurant, walking up to the counter, when all of a sudden you look down..."

"What one?"

"What?"

"What restaurant?"

"It doesn't make any difference what restaurant, it's completely hypothetical."

"But, how come I'd be there?"

"Maybe you're hungry. Maybe your're hungover. Who knows? You look down and see a torta, Leon."

"Torta? What's that?"

"You know what a sandwich is?"

"Of course!"

"Same thing."

"I've never eaten a sandwich... But I understand what you mean."

"You reach down and take the top piece of bread off the torta, Leon."

"Do you make up these questions, Mr. Bourdain? Or do they write 'em down for you?"

"The torta lays open-faced, the jamon and avacado inside glistening, beckoning to be eaten, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not eating."

"What do you mean, I'm not eating?"

"I mean: you're not eating! Why is that, Leon?"

[Leon licks his lips]

Koishi Komeiji posted:

Interviewer: [Foodline test room at LAPD cafateria] Officer K-D-six-dash-three-dot-seven, let's begin. Ready?
K: Yes, sir.
Interviewer: Recite your foodline.
K: And blood-black grease began to sizzle... A system of burgs deep fried within burgs deep fried within burgs deep fried within one kitchen... And dreadfully distinct against the grease, a tall white soda fountain sprayed.
Interviewer: Burgs.
K: Burgs.
Interviewer: Have you ever been to a McDonalds? Burgs.
K: Burgs.
Interviewer: Do you sit at the booth or table? Burgs.
K: Burgs.
Interviewer: When you're not performing your duties do you eat cereal straight out of the box? Burgs.
K: Burgs.
Interviewer: Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: What's it like to hold a big juicy burg with two hands? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Did they teach you how to lick your fingers of the grease? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Do you long for having your stomach coated in grease? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Do you dream about being fat?
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: What's it like to hold a burrito in your arms? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Do you feel that there's a part of you always hungry? Deep fried.
K: Deep fried.
Interviewer: Within burgs deep fried.
K: Within burgs deep fried.
Interviewer: Why don't you say that three times: Within burgs deep fried.
K: Within burgs deep fried. Within burgs deep fried. Within burgs deep fried.
Interviewer: We're done... Constant K, you can pick up your bonus order of french fries.
K: Thank you, sir.

Ahahha drat

# ? Jan 3, 2018 21:43

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

I've eaten things you people wouldn't believe. XXL Chalupas with fire sauce off the Bell of Tacozia . I ate my way out of a roast beef prison littered with flying buffalo bones near the Arby's Gate. All my frequent eater punchcards with one punch remaining will be lost in thyme, like fizz in the champagne. Time to dine.

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Jan 3, 2018 22:10

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

careful with this one gaff, he's a goddamn one-man slaughterhouse

did you get your precious pho?
someone was there
men?
poultry...men?

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 3, 2018 22:16

sebmojo: Legit Cyberpunk

make the threadddd

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 3, 2018 22:31

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

sebmojo posted:

make the threadddd

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3845470

# ? Jan 3, 2018 22:52

Twenty Four

FactsAreUseless posted:

The rest of the BK Kids Club beating "Wheels" into the gang.

cda posted:

Bick Spurlington ran towards the Teleporter. But first, he stopped at the replicator and made a ham. Then he ate the ham. It was salty and delicious. Red lights flashed all around him as a mechanical female voice intoned "Hull Breach Imminent. Hull Breach Imminent." There was no time to lose. He replicated Honey-Poached Pears with Hazelnut Butter and a Buttermilk Ice Cream. The exquisite mouthfeel of the warm pears melting into the chill ice cream reminded him of his childhood on the planet F'run G'farr. There were only seconds left before the starship's exterior lost its integrity. Wasting no time, he waddled in a satisfied manner towards the Teleporter and punched in the coordinates for the nearest McDonalds.

lol

# ? Jan 4, 2018 14:53

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

These last couple pages have been consistently good

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE:
The contents of this post and any attachments are intended solely for the addressee(s) and may contain confidential and/or privileged information and may be legally protected from disclosure. The information is intended to be for the use of the individual or entity designated above. If you are not the intended recipient of this post, please notify the sender immediately, and delete the post and any attachments. Any disclosure, reproduction, distribution or other use of this post or any attachments by an individual or entity other than the intended recipient is prohibited.

# ? Jan 4, 2018 21:16

FactsAreUseless

A parrot that only repeats things you will say in the future

# ? Jan 4, 2018 21:58

cda: by Hand Knit

FactsAreUseless posted:

A parrot that only repeats things you will say in the future

It's just going to say Polly wanna cracker like it always did

# ? Jan 4, 2018 22:54

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

"This is a cut throat place to work and you need to have your guard up every minute."
"Is it really that competitive?"
"No, there's a bobcat in the vents."

# ? Jan 5, 2018 00:20

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

"This is a cut throat place to work and you need to have your guard up every minute."
"Is it really that competitive?"
"No, there's a bobcat in the vents."

"So, according to this memo, we have mandatory overtime this week?"
"Ah, no, the printer smeared that sentence. We have mandatory wolverine all week."

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 5, 2018 00:59

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

"My lawyer is such a snake."
"OK look this whole town is driving me nuts, do you mean literally?"
"What? No. He's just really crooked."
"Oh, OK because..."
"Biologically he's a brown bear."

# ? Jan 5, 2018 01:18

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

*A live jaguar casually strolls through the cubicle aisles, printer paper taped to its side*

"Oh, cool! Free donuts in the bird-of-prey breakroom!"

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 5, 2018 01:53

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

Just chatting with the person across the way on lunch break...

Him: "I'm always doodling, you know? So lately, I've been thinking of trying my hand at making a webcomic."
Me: "Sounds neat. What's it going to be about?"
Him: "Well, a lot of kooky stuff happens at this place, you know?"
Me: "Yeah, definitely."
Him: "So I've been doing some thinking, and I bet there's a lot of funny stuff a person can write about a zoo that's like an office environment!"
Me: *Facepalming inwardly*

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 5, 2018 01:59

FactsAreUseless

A man named Splench Gormbubble being named to the Supreme Court.

# ? Jan 5, 2018 15:33

FactsAreUseless

Third Circuit judge Splench Gormbubble walking into the Senate now. Observe his trademark style, still on display even here.

# ? Jan 5, 2018 15:34

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Splench is showing members of the Senate each side of his "decision coin."

"I put a thumbs up on this side with the text 'sounds good.' The other side has a frowny face and the text 'I don't think so, Tim'."

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Jan 5, 2018 16:07

Koishi Komeiji

Brown vs. the Board of Education, Roe vs. Wade, Gormbubble vs. Orgsploch

# ? Jan 5, 2018 16:08

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Mythbusters Episode where they try to determine if the desire for Corn Pops can lead someone to commit murder. Adam will flee with Jamie's corn pops into the forest. Will Jamie hunt Adam like the Predator? *teaser shot of a later moment in the episode* Jamie (coated in mud and nearly completely camouflaged) "I will hunt Adam like the Predator. I've gotta have my pops"

~~~ byob summer 2020 ~~~ sig responsibly ~~~ i hope you enjoy my sig ~~~ please dont kangaroo jack what you cant kangaroo give back. ~~~

# ? Jan 5, 2018 16:21

Koishi Komeiji

[Children of the corn syrup are standing over a badly beaten adult, while giggling]

Beaten clueless adult: What's wrong with you kids? They don't taste like apples. Why do you kids like Apple Jacks?

Children of the corn sryup (calmly in unison): We just do.

# ? Jan 5, 2018 17:06

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Koishi Komeiji posted:

[Children of the corn syrup are standing over a badly beaten adult, while giggling]

Beaten clueless adult: What's wrong with you kids? They don't taste like apples. Why do you kids like Apple Jacks?

Children of the corn sryup (calmly in unison): We just do.

Children of the corn syrup, breathing heavily: Ehh, just let em go. We need to sit down.

# ? Jan 5, 2018 17:41

cda: by Hand Knit

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

"This is a cut throat place to work and you need to have your guard up every minute."
"Is it really that competitive?"
"No, there's a bobcat in the vents."

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 5, 2018 17:44

alnilam

Koishi Komeiji posted:

[Children of the corn syrup are standing over a badly beaten adult, while giggling]

Beaten clueless adult: What's wrong with you kids? They don't taste like apples. Why do you kids like Apple Jacks?

Children of the corn sryup (calmly in unison): We just do.

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Jan 5, 2018 17:47

cda: by Hand Knit

Sen. Grassley: Now, Judge Gormbubble...in your time in the 7th Circuit Court, you articulated a principle of jurisprudence you called the....uh...

Gormbubble: The Gormbubble Rule, Senator.

Sen. Grassley: Yes, the Gormbubble rule. Would you mind explaining that rule?

Gormbubble: Certainly. The rule is as follows: When you Spench on your dench, you better gibidoo on the clicky-clack or nits'll gonna gitcha.

Sen. Grassley: I have no further questions.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 5, 2018 17:47

alnilam

children from the cinnamon toast crunch generation grow up and as adults can somehow no longer see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch

as that generation slowly comes into power politically they bring all of mankind's efforts to bear on the problem, most of the scientific and even military research budget is devoted to what becomes known as mankind's ultimate question

finally an announcement is made: our quantum scanners have determined that there exist cinnamon sugar swirls, in every bite, in a dense packing arrangement previously not thought possible, an explanation never before suspected nor seen by adult kind

the world rejoices, and a la the space race a lot of the scientific advancements that were made to answer this question become useful elsewhere in science, leading to a new golden age in the world

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Jan 5, 2018 17:50

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

Mr Gorbachev, tear down this bathroom stall! i have to flip this house fast before the contras come for their money

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 5, 2018 18:11

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

*The General Secretary of the USSR busts through a wall, Kool-Aid style*

# ? Jan 5, 2018 18:24

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Trapdoor Spiderman

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Jan 7, 2018 19:51

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

Funnel spiderman

did spiderman ever have a villain thats a hunter of rare prey? i know there was a guy like that for one or two heroes. make it Steve Irwin for him

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jan 7, 2018 20:34

Ride The Gravitron: by FactsAreUseless

got any sevens posted:

Funnel spiderman

did spiderman ever have a villain thats a hunter of rare prey? i know there was a guy like that for one or two heroes. make it Steve Irwin for him

Kraven the hunter

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Jan 7, 2018 20:42

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

are you the shelves at walgreens? because I stalk you at night

# ? Jan 8, 2018 00:05

sebmojo: Legit Cyberpunk

spider monkey man

# ? Jan 8, 2018 00:31

Jolo: ive been playing with magnuts tying to change the wold as we know it

Kraven the Burger

# ? Jan 8, 2018 05:28

POOL IS CLOSED: I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.

i heard if you don't want god lookin' at you just keep a cut onion nearby

brought 2 u by Manifisto, mastercraftsposter of sigs

# ? Jan 8, 2018 16:26

alnilam

got any sevens posted:

Funnel spiderman

did spiderman ever have a villain thats a hunter of rare prey? i know there was a guy like that for one or two heroes. make it Steve Irwin for him

Remember when (dial m for) Monkey had such a villain

# ? Jan 8, 2018 16:56

Ride The Gravitron: by FactsAreUseless

You know those restaurants that treat you like poo poo as a gimmick? What about if other types of places did that.

Magician pulling out the wrong card: "what do you mean this isn't it? Look it's not my fault you got the memory of a gold fish. Get off my stage. For my next trick I'll need a volunteer to saw in half. No not you, you're too fat, I'll never get through you in one day. "

Car salesman: "look Buddy I'm going to be honest. You're balding, your pudgy, and you smell like the inside of a jock strap. This mustang is your last chance at getting laid. "

# ? Jan 8, 2018 23:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 9, 2024 21:34

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

I've never owned long johns before, but I've often had cold nuts. I hope to change that.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 02:08

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

«‹›309 »