Screaming Idiot posted:

The Librarian just wants to get back to the Disc, guys.

Carth Dookie posted:

I thought the worst thing I'd stumbled across today was amputee preggo porn. I was wrong.

quote:

gently caress all the pop song puppy love bullshit. Your heart skipping a beat isn't love, it's cardiac arrhythmia. It's not about shortness of breath, either, or how turned on you get or whether you tell yourself you'd throw yourself in front of a bus for her or whatever. You can convince yourself of a lot about how you feel and what you would do in exchange for regular oral sex.
Love is when she drives you insane sometimes. And I don't mean merely "aggravating" or "annoying," I mean flat-out loving in. Sane. And in a way nobody else can do it in a million years. She'll drive you to the point where you'd gouge out your own eyeball with a melon baller or smack your scrotum a half-dozen times with a ball peen hammer if it means you can be done with this conversation. She'll make you want to chew your own arm off to get out of talking about this. And I don't care how many loving times you've had this conversation, each time, you know you'll have it again:

Her: I thought you turned the heat on.
You: I did.
Her: Well, I'm still cold. Are you sure you did it right?
You: Yes, I'm pretty sure I know how to turn on a thermostat.
Her: 'Cause you know you have to flip the switch to "heat" and....
You: Honey! I know! How to turn on! A thermostat! I went to college for it and everything.
Her: Well, I don't feel any heat blowing in here.
You: I know. I think you broke the thermostat again.
Her: I didn't break it.
You: Yes, you did, you put that halogen lamp right next to it again.
Her: That doesn't do anything.
You: Yes, it does.
Her: I thought you fixed it?
You: I did fix it, and you broke it again.
Her: Are you sure you fixed it right?
You: Yes, goddammit, I fixed it right.
Her: How do you know you fixed it?
You: 'Cause it worked when I fixed it!
Her: Well, it's not working now.
You: 'Cause you broke it again!
Her: How'd I break it?
You: You put the goddamn, loving lamp next to it!
Her: I don't see why a lamp would break a thermostat.
You: OK. I'm going to explain this. One more time. Slowly. Thermostats have a coil inside them that expands and contracts based on the temperature. This is how they know when it is hotter than the setting of the A/C, so it can cool the room off, or colder than the setting of the heating, so it can heat the room up. Halogen lamps generate heat. Halogen lamps generate a lot of heat. That's why you burn your fingers when you touch the bulbs after they've been on for a while. So when you put a halogen lamp next to a thermostat, it causes the coil to keep expanding and expanding and expanding past the point it's intended to expand. This makes the thermostat think it's really, really hot all the time, and it makes the coil less sensitive in the future, and it'll eventually break the coil so I'll have to replace the thermostat.
Her: That doesn't sound right.
You: Trust me. It's right.
Her: How do you know?
You: BECAUSE I TOOK SIXTH GRADE loving PHYSICS, OK?!
Her: Well, I don't think they should make thermostats that can be broken by something little like a lamp.
You: Fine. Don't think that. Write a letter to the manufacturers. Write a letter to universities and tell them to build a better thermostat. I don't loving care. But that's how they make them. That's why I keep moving the lamp, that's why I keep telling you not to put it back to the right of the bookcase, that's why I've had to fix the thermostat four loving times now. Stop! Putting! The lamp! Right! Next! To the thermostat!
Her: But on the other side of the bookcase, the front of the hallway is dark, and I can't see inside my gift closet.
You: Well, you can turn on the hall light to go through your gift closet, or you can sit here and be cold! Your choice, honey!
Her:
You:
Her:
You:
Her: I don't think you fixed the thermostat right.
You: GOD-MOTHERFUCKING-DAMMIT, I'M GOING TO FIX THAT MOTHERFUCKING THERMOSTAT TOMORROW, AND I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST IF YOU PUT THE LAMP NEAR THE THERMOSTAT AGAIN, I WILL SMASH IT TO A MILLION loving PIECES AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR GODDAMN THROAT!!! MOTHERFUCK ME, JESUS!!!!!!

And if the seventh time you have that conversation, knowing full well there will be an eighth time, you'd still rather have that conversation again than imagine a world she's not in, you're in love.
Especially if you do fix that thermostat... again... the next day, and not just so she'll shut up about it, but because you really don't want her to be cold anymore.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

It's been that way for years. No one can remember what smilies they were.

Krankenstyle posted:

wait, are there any :regd18: yet?


lol

Kibayasu posted:

I still can't get over how he makes such a point about making sure everyone knows he's married by fiddling with his ring in his twitter avatar.

Edit: "Hm, yes, a good picture. American flag, forlorn look off into the distance, inspirational. And now to raise my hands awkardly to mid-torso, look like I'm fidgeting with my hands like a 12 year old talking to his first crush, aaaand done."

Jurgan posted:

Why is it that when goons see a gaping rear end in a top hat they fixate on the ring in the foreground?

du -hast posted:

Does anyone have the post that was about changing the thermostat.

It's a long rant about how the guys wife keeps putting a lamp under the thermostat, and they have a long argument about it, and it ends with "and I would have that argument a thousand more times rather than lose her" or similar

edit: nevermind, here it is agian:

wayfinder posted:

Does anyone know why it's a lot more common to write Her instead of the (I would assume) correct "She"? Is it one of those things that have been used wrong so often that they're now the new correct? Like saying "for you and I" or "I didn't used to"?

Cindy Shitbird posted:

we need to make it a register smiley featuring dib from Invader Zim, because anyone joining this web site this late deserves that kind of treatment

bob dobbs is dead posted:

this is like a re-re-re-re-rereg but peeps should advertise this site because it's been completely free of russian bot influence 100% guaranteed

Krankenstyle posted:

wait, are there any :regd18: yet?


lol

Sagebrush posted:

congratulate him for buying plat right off the bat i guess

bob dobbs is dead posted:

this is like a re-re-re-re-rereg but peeps should advertise this site because it's been completely free of russian bot influence 100% guaranteed

funmanguy posted:

Is it really incorrect when its used to identify who is speaking when followed by a : ?

I am genuinely curious as ive never heard it described like that.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

It's been that way for years. No one can remember what smilies they were.

purple death ray posted:

I would believe maybe 1 of those is a legit new poster and all the rest are re-regs/parachutes/etc

ephex posted:

Smirr posted:

Q: Why was it so plausible that Trump watches gorillas fight 17 hours a day?

A: Because he's really into pissed apes.

Cindy Shitbird posted:

we need to make it a register smiley featuring dib from Invader Zim, because anyone joining this web site this late deserves that kind of treatment

R.D. Mangles posted:

look at this thing


a community college production of pirates of penzance beard
a "one for showgirls please" beard
a fake state farm twin beard

Stiev Awt posted:

a why would you buy an nes classic just build a raspberry pi for emulators beard

rodbeard posted:

regd18 should be dig dug blowing up the number 2017.

Guy Goodbody posted:

Technically, all Australian food is prison food.

Chuck Buried Treasure posted:

After a bunch of people fell for the You-Know-Who gorilla channel thing from @pixelatedboat:

wayfinder posted:

Does anyone know why it's a lot more common to write Her instead of the (I would assume) correct "She"? Is it one of those things that have been used wrong so often that they're now the new correct? Like saying "for you and I" or "I didn't used to"?

Pirate Radar posted:

As in “I would have the argument a thousand more times rather than lose she”? or what, I don’t know what you mean

wayfinder posted:

Does anyone know why it's a lot more common to write Her instead of the (I would assume) correct "She"? Is it one of those things that have been used wrong so often that they're now the new correct? Like saying "for you and I" or "I didn't used to"?

wayfinder posted:

That's okay