/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

If this guy is as good as she says then he was slumming it with her. You don't get to 29 with 'just' a driving phobia keeping you back.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 04:37

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# ? May 30, 2024 14:36

Rat Patrol: Feb 15, 2008; kill kill kill kill
kill me now

Midnight Voyager posted:

I have a super loving morbid sense of... not humor, just interest? I've seen that video.

I did not loving laugh at that video. I gasped and jawdropped in awe. I don't regret watching it, but it was not FUNNY. It was Fascinating in a dark way. It was horrifying and incredible. It was not FUNNY.

Something's gone wrong with this lady's brain.

She was laughing at the juxtaposition between the accident and the ads they played immediately after. Another goon upthread said they had the same reaction. Her story is she found the sudden, inappropriate tone change funny, not the video of the accident itself.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 04:38

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

mind the walrus posted:

If this guy is as good as she says then he was slumming it with her. You don't get to 29 with 'just' a driving phobia keeping you back.

Yeah, it's all about how he's perfect for her and not a word about how good she is for him. And yeah, not driving is a hassle, but it's very much something you can work around if you're inclined, and it's much more annoying in terms of doing groceries or running errands than holding a job.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 04:41

Penguissimo: Apr 7, 2007

I bet she loving loves The Nightmare Before Christmas

# ? Jan 9, 2018 05:18

King of False Promises: Jul 31, 2000

I mean, it's easy enough to not eat a PB&J in the same office as your coworker with a peanut butter allergy. Find other, better sandwiches to eat.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 05:23

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

You could also replace the peanut butter with a different type of nut butter. There's like cashew, almond, all sorts of poo poo. It's a bit more expensive though so obviously i'm an idiot.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 05:27

Anony Mouse: Jan 30, 2005; A name means nothing on the battlefield. After a week, no one has a name.; Lipstick Apathy

My [28M] girlfriend [26F] of 3.5 years wants an expensive engagement ring, we can't reach a compromise, and I'm considering breaking up with her.

quote:

We�ve already discussed marriage at length and both of us want to get married. We did have a slight argument earlier on about the proposal. I refused to get down on one knee as I see it as an outdated and humiliating gesture (not here to argue about that, just my opinion) whereas she wanted the traditional proposal she�s always dreamed of. We reached a compromise in which we would both propose simultaneously and we were happy with that plan. However, something that we can�t compromise on is the issue of the ring.

I really don�t believe in engagement rings and think they�re stupid but I understand it�s important to my girlfriend and I�m willing to buy her one. I do have a decent salary and so does she, so money really isn�t an issue, but the ring she wants costs over $3000. I�m not willing to spend beyond $200 on a ring as I feel the money can be better spent toward our wedding or honeymoon. As a disclaimer, I�m not cheap. I donate a shitton in charity and I�m willing to spend huge amounts of money on things that are legitimately important. I paid over $20,000 last year to renovate parts of my house because it was important to both me and my girlfriend and it would be useful and beneficial to us. I spent over $5000 on gaming last year since I enjoy it very much and it's important to me. I bought my parents their dream home.

The ring, I feel, is just for show and doesn�t really provide any use or benefit to either of us beyond merely signifying her relationship status. I suggested that I could pay half for the ring she wants and she can cover the other half but this was immediately shot down. I don�t want anyone to think that I don�t spend money on my girlfriend. I absolutely do, I pay every time we go out to eat, I pay for our trips, I pay the bills since she lives with me (she does the majority of the housework and does have some financial contribution), and I buy nice gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I even paid for her parents' vacation around the world, which they've been dreaming about for years, because I care for them and they are good people. I�m happy to pay for these things but I refuse to do so for an engagement ring because it�s nothing but an indulgence and something to show off to others and put on Instagram and whatever. And I'm sure she's going to do post the ring all over social media since her friends have all done it and she's active on social media anyway.

My girlfriend has called me all manner of insulting names recently, and says I'm a cheapskate, almost as if I don't pay for all of our expenses and hoard all of my money solely for myself. She's poo poo-talked me to her friends and parents. Her parents are on my side and think she's being unreasonable (especially since her sister happily got engaged with a $50 ring she paid half for) and most of her friends feel the same way. I have been chewed out by a few though for being a "cheap bastard".

My girlfriend claims I don't love her since I'm not willing to spend over $3000 for a ring. She says I'm being selfish and purposely withholding my money to exercise my "financial power" over her. I don't really understand this since she makes more than enough money to afford the ring on her own but since I make about 2x her salary it's my "duty" to buy the ring. As a result of these arguments she has also changed her stance on the proposal and demands I get down on knee and if I don't do so, it means I don't love her.

She has made the expensive ring and knee proposal hard requirements and is not willing to compromise. I'm sick of being baselessly insulted and being denied intimacy, as she's not willing to have sex until I agree. I'm tired of being called all manner of expletives and her attempts to emasculate me in every interaction. She has even utilized the silent treatment recently.

This has been going on for about 3 weeks now and I'm reconsidering the relationship entirely. I have never seen such a selfish materialistic side of my girlfriend and frankly I'm in disbelief over her behavior. My girlfriend now is not who I fell in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. Is there a way to salvage this and reach a compromise or is this it?

tl;dr: Girlfriend wants expensive ring and has been very mean about it, unwilling to compromise at all. I'm considering leaving her.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 05:46

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Anony Mouse posted:

My [28M] girlfriend [26F] of 3.5 years wants an expensive engagement ring, we can't reach a compromise, and I'm considering breaking up with her.

The title prepped me to hate her for being materialistic, but by the end of it I wanted to kill them both. :shrug:

# ? Jan 9, 2018 05:52

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Absurd Alhazred posted:

The title prepped me to hate her for being materialistic, but by the end of it I wanted to kill them both.

Agreed.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 05:53

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

I [19/M] overheard my girlfriend's [24/F] friends who were talking about me and found out that they secretly hate me.

quote:

My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. It was her birthday yesterday and she invited her friends over to celebrate it. A group of her friends (4-5 people, about the same age as her) were standing around and I moved in closer to see if I could join their conversation. I stopped when I heard that they were talking about me.

One of them went on a tirade about how much she hated me, and the other people started pitching in too. They questioned why my girlfriend was dating me and said she could�ve dated someone much better instead. They said I wasn�t �good enough� for her and that I was an immature kid. It got worse, and they started saying things about me that I don�t feel comfortable sharing about on here.

I felt like poo poo after hearing them talk about me. I couldn�t handle being around her friends anymore. I started tearing up and I left without telling my girlfriend. I�ve tried since the beginning to be on good terms with her friends. I thought at the very least that they had a neutral attitude towards me, but that was clearly not the case.

I�ve been crying in my dorm for the whole day because of how terrible I feel about myself. My girlfriend sent a lot of texts/calls today asking me if something happened and if I was okay. I haven�t responded to her yet. I�ve been trying my absolute best to be a good boyfriend for her. I think I�m doing a good job, considering she�s my first girlfriend. But I can�t help but think to myself that maybe her friends are right, that I don�t deserve her and she should be dating someone better.

My confidence and self-esteem are destroyed after hearing that her friends hate me. I should probably talk to my girlfriend about what happened but I honestly feel so low about myself now that I can't bring myself to do it.

TL;DR: I learned that my girlfriend�s friends hate me after hearing them talk behind my back. I�ve begun to think that I�m not good enough for her and that she deserves better. What do I do?

I want to know exactly how they destroyed him because drat he left and spent a day crying in his dorm. rekt.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:14

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

He's 19. Odds are it's his first real roast.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:17

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

She's in her mid twenties dating a teenager so honestly it's not like she has her poo poo together from the sound of it.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:18

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

La Brea Carpet posted:

I [19/M] overheard my girlfriend's [24/F] friends who were talking about me and found out that they secretly hate me.

I want to know exactly how they destroyed him because drat he left and spent a day crying in his dorm. rekt.

They bullied him :qq:

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:22

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [25M] of seven months. He has VERY bizarre opinions and I want help understanding him, and getting him to understand how others see him

quote:

I have been with my boyfriend, Henry, for around 7 months now, and he�s an amazing guy etc. I really see this developing into a long and very serious relationship. There are no big problems or red flags.

One thing that gets me though, are his political opinions. They are esoteric, somewhat incomprehensible, and frankly, bizarre. He is an ardent monarchist (we are in the UK) but not in the typical use of the word (ie liking the Queen being an impartial head of state), he literally believes in the divine right of kings and that it is the only natural form of government. He claims to recognise no monarch since James II, and apparently the real legitimate successor is some guy called Francis who I�ve never heard of, who is also supposedly the rightful king of France and Greece. He never votes, saying he has no desire to assist his monarch in their choice of servants (which is technically how the UK government works, the Queen �chooses� whoever wins the election). He expressed disgust at Prince Harry�s recent engagement, I pressed him as to why (I was slightly worried it was racist in nature) and he said both Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton are commoners who have no business marrying royalty, then made some remark about the Royal Family being a �ghastly bunch of arriviste Germans anyway, so I suppose it doesn�t matter�. It�s just strange. It�s like his worldview is so odd and so far removed from anything I can even begin to understand. I can name the current major Royals and a few of the more important historical ones, whereas he is an absolute expert.

He will passionately debate anyone who wants to, though again it just makes him look strange. Friends at dinner will be discussing normal, contemporary political issues, and he will interject and go on some tangent about how this all relates to �King John�s submission to Papal authority in 1213�. He does seem to genuinely believe this stuff, but it gives an odd impression to those around us. No one can really reply because they don�t know what he�s talking about, so he definitely gets the feeling he�s winning these debates (he�s far too well-mannered to be rude about it, but it�s certainly an unspoken truth in his view).

I should add he is pretty much old-fashioned English upper class while I am ordinary lower-middle. He went to a world famous UK public school (prestigious private school for Americans) and then to one of the best universities in the world (where he was at one of the most exclusive colleges). He won�t inherit a title (father is a younger son) but his grandfather has one and his father has the legal right to be called Lord Name. His family is very old and grand� he could tell you what his direct patrilineal ancestor was doing in 1100. I think this upbringing definitely influenced his opinions, but his siblings and parents all support normal political parties or are indifferent so I don�t know why he�s like this.

How should I talk to him about this? I want to firstly understand him better, but also to lightly let him now how this behaviour can make him look to others and myself.

tl;dr � boyfriend has odd but convicted political opinions. He constantly brings them up and tries to debate others, which is somewhat embarrassing. How do I get him to see my view?

Want to see a picture of this guy.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:24

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

How does he feel about Winston Churchill?

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:26

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

fruit on the bottom posted:

She's in her mid twenties dating a teenager so honestly it's not like she has her poo poo together from the sound of it.

If she's going for a teenager then maybe they can have a toxic codependent thing where she mommies and molds him.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:27

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [25M] of seven months. He has VERY bizarre opinions and I want help understanding him, and getting him to understand how others see him

Want to see a picture of this guy.

This is the only tool she needs to understand her boyfriend.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:28

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

Midnight Voyager posted:

Something's gone wrong with this lady's brain.

I thought it was pretty clear that she was laughing at the loud car commercial that came on at an awkward time, which is pretty funny. She sounds cool and wasted on a dork like him.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:32

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [25M] of seven months. He has VERY bizarre opinions and I want help understanding him, and getting him to understand how others see him
Want to see a picture of this guy.

quote:

I should add he is pretty much old-fashioned English upper class while I am ordinary lower-middle.

Doomed! Dooooooooomed!

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:36

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Streak posted:

I thought it was pretty clear that she was laughing at the loud car commercial that came on at an awkward time, which is pretty funny. She sounds cool and wasted on a dork like him.

Funny how we believe notorious shitposter maskenfreiheit (a poster who iirc identifies as male) is not a psycho but don�t hesitate to label a woman from Reddit as :airquote:

crazy

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:41

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

maskenfreiheit posted:

Funny how we believe notorious shitposter maskenfreiheit (a poster who iirc identifies as male) is not a psycho but don�t hesitate to label a woman from Reddit as crazy

You do want to be crazy, and you don't want to be crazy... to clarify yes, no on the crazy. We hope this helps!

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:43

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

maskenfreiheit posted:

Funny how we believe notorious shitposter maskenfreiheit (a poster who iirc identifies as male)

i dont believe that at all

# ? Jan 9, 2018 06:45

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Honestly, aside from the tremendous amounts of blood that video is pretty tame. You don't really even see the cut happen or the cut itself. I think I tend to react to videos differently going in when I know the guy is going to survive. Mostly I just find that video amazing, between the amount of blood that comes out of him, the quick reaction of the trainer, and the fact that he actually is able to stand and walk off the ice with so much blood loss.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 07:47

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Baronjutter posted:

This is the only tool she needs to understand her boyfriend.

Louis XVI did nothing even close to the atrocities committed by the Terror. Most of whom ended up on the guillotine themselves.

The correct response, from an American, is a picture of George Washington. If that doesn't make him poo poo bricks, he has no digestive tract.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 08:26

Anony Mouse: Jan 30, 2005; A name means nothing on the battlefield. After a week, no one has a name.; Lipstick Apathy

The girl [19F] I [21M] was courting lied to me. I want to confront her about it but I don't know if I have the right.

quote:

I met Charlotte earlier this sem because we share the same class, but I've seen her hanging around the hallways and I found her really cute.

I strike a conversation with her after our class and she was so nice. Ever since then, I would always talk to her and she seems really fine with it. After a few weeks, I asked for her number and she gave it to me. We would text about everything every night. I started having romantic feelings for her so I asked if I can court her. At first she was quite doubtful because she told me that she only sees me as a friend, but after a few days she changed her mind and told me that she'll give me a change to prove myself.

And I did. I did everything for her. I buy her food, keep her company, walk her to her classes, listen to everything she says. But then she sent me a message on FB and said that she's sorry but she can't be with me because she wants to be a NUN instead. What the gently caress? Who wants to become a nun these days? But whatever. I told her it's okay, and if that she change her mind again, I'll be waiting. Charlotte didn't respond and left me on seen.

But after just a week, I saw Charlotte changed her relationship status from single to in a relationship with this fuckboy from our course. I felt so insulted because she lied to me. I tried approaching her but she's now always with her boyfriend.

I want to send her a message on Facebook about this, but I'm not really sure. I just want some closure and an explanation as to why she lied to me because it's really messing with my head. Should I send her a message?

TL;DR: a girl i was courting rejected me because she wants to be a nun. After just a few days, I found out that she's got a new boyfriend now. I feel so insulted being lied to and I want to confront her for some explanation but I'm not sure. Should I?

Jesus take a hint dude.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 09:11

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

I hope that's real because :lol:

at the Ripleys on her to say she wanted to be a nun as a rejection.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 09:26

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

Anony Mouse posted:

The girl [19F] I [21M] was courting lied to me. I want to confront her about it but I don't know if I have the right.

Jesus take a hint dude.

This has some good comments.

quote:

[�]AdustStarkness [score hidden] 2 hours ago
Yep. Another example of a woman being bullied into saying yes when she really wants to say no.

[�]terminatememe[S] [score hidden] 2 hours ago
Stalking? I was courting her!

quote:

[�]flora_pompeii [score hidden] 2 hours ago
She was probably trying to avoid a confrontation because she was scared you would react badly. Just leave her alone.

[�]terminatememe[S] [score hidden] 2 hours ago
Why would she be scared? I didn't do anything to give her a reason to be scared of me. That's crazy.

And then someone gets creepier than the OP.

quote:

[�]pface [score hidden] 1 hour ago

quote:
I just want...an explanation as to why she lied to me
Because she's a lying liar who lies. She was never into you, but she thought your whole "courting" thing sounded amusing and she gave it a whirl. She used you. Then she got bored and moved on. That nun thing? That was a joke on you, my friend. I'll bet she told that to all her friends and they had a good laugh. This is not a good person.

quote:
I want to confront her
TRUST ME, you won't win in a confrontation with a person like this. She's a con artist.

quote:
I just want some closure
Here's your closure -- you dodged a bullet. Good riddance.

yikes

# ? Jan 9, 2018 09:36

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

SirSamVimes posted:

This has some good comments.

And then someone gets creepier than the OP.

Because she's a lying liar who lies. She was never into you, but she thought your whole "courting" thing sounded amusing and she gave it a whirl. She used you. Then she got bored and moved on. That nun thing? That was a joke on you, my friend. I'll bet she told that to all her friends and they had a good laugh. This is not a good person.

TRUST ME, you won't win in a confrontation with a person like this. She's a con artist.

Here's your closure -- you dodged a bullet. Good riddance.

yikes
[/quote]

If only he had carried a printer 2 miles for her, things might have been worse.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 09:46

cowofwar: Jul 30, 2002; by Athanatos

WISHES THOU TO COURT MY FAIR LADY?

# ? Jan 9, 2018 09:48

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [25M] of seven months. He has VERY bizarre opinions and I want help understanding him, and getting him to understand how others see him

Want to see a picture of this guy.

Huh, first time I've actually heard of a Jacobite in the wild after the 18th century.

Is he this guy?

# ? Jan 9, 2018 11:27

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Khazar-khum posted:

The correct response, from an American, is a picture of George Washington. If that doesn't make him poo poo bricks, he has no digestive tract.

Why? a) this guy is a Jacobite, he doesn't like the Hanoverians, and b) losing some random colonies on the other side of the world is not really a big deal compared to, y'know, being executed? If Washington had sailed across the Atlantic and sacked London and chopped George's head off then you might have a point but y'know not so much.

If you really want to scare the guy pop up with Oliver Cromwell or something.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 11:32

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

feedmegin posted:

Huh, first time I've actually heard of a Jacobite in the wild after the 18th century.

Is he this guy?

The leader we deserve.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 11:43

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Anony Mouse posted:

My [28M] girlfriend [26F] of 3.5 years wants an expensive engagement ring, we can't reach a compromise, and I'm considering breaking up with her.

$2k is pretty reasonable for a wedding ring and $5k is crazy unreasonable for a gaming budget. Engagement rings are stupid.

I like the video games, but I spend <$500/yr on them. gently caress, I quit hearthstone, a game I played and liked a lot for 4 years, because their new set release schedule tripled its cost from around $200/yr to $600/yr. And outside of dropping $20-$50 once per year on the steam sale, that's pretty much all I spend on gaming (~$250). I make more that on any given saturday. It's like spending $5k/yr on watching tv. What a waste of money and presumably time. In order to spend 5k/yr on gaming you have to be buying a ton of garbage AAA games you barely play or cosmetics. That guy can't be bothered to drop $2k on a ring, something that lasts forever, and sets $200 as the pricepoint?

I mean, it won't last forever with this woman because she's somehow worse than he is. Unless it's one of those "we're both garbage idiots so somehow end up together for 10-forever years relationships".

Khorne fucked around with this message at 14:30 on Jan 9, 2018

# ? Jan 9, 2018 13:52

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

Khorne posted:

$2k is pretty reasonable for a wedding ring

It isn't.
You can plan a small wedding in Europe with that, or the entirety of your honeymoon. We usually buy rings for 300-500 Euro.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 14:22

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

feedmegin posted:

Huh, first time I've actually heard of a Jacobite in the wild after the 18th century.

Is he this guy?

Sounds like bf's been reading Laurence Gardner - he was A Thing on the woo-woo circuit in the UK a decade or two ago. He tied in "royal blood" with the Holy Blood and the Holy Grail thing, so all the "real" royal families are descendants of Jesus. I think he was secretary of the European Council of Princes for a while too. Dude has a major royalty fetish.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 14:23

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [25M] of seven months. He has VERY bizarre opinions and I want help understanding him, and getting him to understand how others see him

Want to see a picture of this guy.

This guy is hilarious. I love it.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 14:27

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

lol did someone just type out an itemized list of their yearly gaming expenses in this thread

jesus

# ? Jan 9, 2018 14:27

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Me (26F) with my boyfriend (28M) of 6 years, I started weight lifting, he doesn’t like how my body is changing

quote:

I’ve been active all my life, playing multiple sports, but the past few years I focused on running. My boyfriend is a long distance runner and takes good care of himself. Last January I got injured and couldn’t run for a while. The physiotherapist suggested going to the gym to train my core and back muscles. It turned out I looove lifting weights. I feel so badass doing overhead presses, and feeling badass makes me incredibly happy.

I’ve always been slim, especially my upper body. Since I started going to the gym, I’ve gained 4kg muscle weight. Which is most clear on my upper body. I’m not small anymore, but I’m by no means broad. My boyfriend says I’m gaining too much muscle, and that he doesn’t find muscular woman attractive. He says he still thinks I’m beautiful, but he also that how I look now is kind of the limit of what he finds attractive.

Now I’m not sure what to do. I know you can’t change what you find attractive. If he would gain weight in fat, I wouldn’t find him that attractive anymore. But I love going to the gym, I love heavy weightlifting. I don’t go to the gym to change my body, I go to the gym to challenge and push myself. I go weight lifting because it makes me feel so good and I truly like getting stronger every week. I know I've gained muscle mass, and I don't necessarily think it looks good on me, but it kind of cool since it's a result of getting stronger. I don’t want to give up my new found hobby, but I also want my BF to find me attractive. He would never ask me to stop weight lifting, but brings my muscles up every week. Should I stop going to the gym? What to do?

tl;dr: I started lifting weights, my BF doesn't like the muscle gain. Should I stop going to the gym?

Deadlift him out of your life

# ? Jan 9, 2018 14:29

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

My boyfriend [24M] of 2 years says he's having trouble finding me attractive since I [24F] started working out.

quote:

I kind of feel like this is the opposite of the usual "my SO is becoming overweight and I'm having trouble being attracted to them" problem that seems to pop up quite often on this subreddit...

So last October...I got fired from my job. It was very sudden and unexpected, and depression hit me hard. To combat that, I started to work out, mostly weight training.

I was never fat (was a healthy weight my whole childhood, and I stayed at 5'4" and 125 for my entire adult like until I started working out), but I was always out of shape. Like...walking a mile seemed like an overwhelming ordeal. Anything heavier than 15 pounds was too much for me. My resting heart rate was always around 100 beats per minute. None of this is necessarily indicative of being really unhealthy, but...holy crap, since I started weightlifting, all that has changed. I can walk for miles now. 100 bpm has gone down to 70 bpm. 15 pounds? More like 50 pounds! Yeah, boyee!

When I first started working out, my boyfriend thought it was fantastic. He's been studying martial arts for almost ten years, and health and fitness was always important to him. So when I started showing some muscle, he was thrilled. I've always had a pretty high sex drive, but it just got cranked up to 11 once I started seeing (and feeling) results. He and I were going at it like bunnies. Sex wasn't even that good when we started dating.

But in the last few months, his interest in sex has dropped off. Which has been a little...frustrating. He stopped initiating entirely, and I was being rejected almost every time I tried to seduce him. We went from having sex almost every single day to...like, once a week.

So after being rejected by him, again, last night, I finally asked him, "What's going on?" And he said that...he's been having trouble being physically attracted to me since I started building muscle.

Cue me being like, "?!?!??!!" What the hell was he talking about? And he said that my body has gotten really...hard. He gave an example from the last time we had sex. I was on top and apparently, when he grabbed my thighs, it grossed him out when he felt how hard they were. We also get kind of rough during sex, and he likes to bite me. The last time he bit me (on my arm), he said it was like biting into a peace of rubber, when it used to kind of be more like a marshmallow. And a couple nights ago, we were lying in bed together (no sex, just wearing our PJs) and he had his hand kind of resting on my hip and stomach. He teased me about something and I gave him a playful shove, and he said it freaked him out a little when he felt my abs flex and get hard.

He says having sex with me reminds him of when he ground fights with his fellow male martial artists. He...he basically said it feels like I have the body of a guy now.

I was...stunned. I asked him what he would like for me to do, and he said that he didn't know. He said he loves how my health and fitness has become so important to me, but he often wishes I still had the body from before I started exercising. "Skinny and soft" instead of "skinny and hard."

I don't know what to do. I love working out, I love being strong, and I love being muscular. And I don't want to stop weightlifting -- I've actually signed up for an Olympic weightlifting class (i.e., learning the snatch and the clean and jerk, not that I am training to become Olympic athlete). But...I also really love my boyfriend.

I feel like most relationship problems can be solved through compromise, but I don't know how to compromise on this.

tl;dr: My boyfriend says he has trouble being attracted to me since I started weightlifting. Says I feel like I have the body of a guy now. Don't know what to do.

Clean yourself of this jerk

# ? Jan 9, 2018 14:34

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# ? May 30, 2024 14:36

darkwasthenight: Jan 7, 2011; GENE TRAITOR

girl pants posted:

Me (26F) with my boyfriend (28M) of 6 years, I started weight lifting, he doesn’t like how my body is changing

Deadlift him out of your life

girl pants posted:

My boyfriend [24M] of 2 years says he's having trouble finding me attractive since I [24F] started working out.

Clean yourself of this jerk

Shoo shoo.

# ? Jan 9, 2018 14:42

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