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Ride The Gravitron posted:You know those restaurants that treat you like poo poo as a gimmick? What about if other types of places did that. |
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Jan 9, 2018 02:22
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FactsAreUseless posted:No. What? I think you're just getting yelled at by wait staff. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJpwF7Nc3dk |
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Jan 9, 2018 02:27
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"Kids today spend too much time in front of screens," says man who watches 60+ hours a week of sports, news, and Hallmark murder mysteries. |
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Jan 9, 2018 14:33
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Ride The Gravitron posted:You know those restaurants that treat you like poo poo as a gimmick? What about if other types of places did that. I've always joked about starting the Ed Debevic's of Tech Support where old people would call in for help with computer problems and we would make fun of how little they know while helping them |
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Jan 9, 2018 16:32
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Autobier. The sophisticated German beer for drinking while cruising the autobahn. When cruising speed exceeds 130 kph, a blue strip informs you that your beer has reached optimal flavor. |
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Jan 9, 2018 17:28
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Why? |
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Jan 9, 2018 18:18
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joggerz© These special jogging scissors are optimized for minimal air resistance and ease of use. Originally designed by NASA for use by astronauts jogging in space, this revolutionary pair of scissors will allow you to cut virtually anything! Use during a brisk walk or a full Marathon. For a limited time, orders will come with a free craft satchel which will contain everything you need to make memorable handmade gifts for your friends and loved ones. |
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Jan 9, 2018 18:28
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vanisher posted:joggerz© |
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Jan 9, 2018 18:33
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My dude check out Wiener Circle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak4fr18wn2s |
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Jan 9, 2018 18:53
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vanisher posted:joggerz© cool ranch elmer's glue© are your kids tired of boring old regular elmer's glue? wish it had more zing? try new cool ranch elmer's glue©! makes craft time delicious, and pairs wonderfully with gum erasers |
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Jan 9, 2018 19:06
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plantz© Ready to get serious about helping the environment? Want to be at the forefront of the latest fashion trends? Hop on in to a pair of plantz, the real living plant pants. Real living vines, fed using our patented Aquabelt© technology, are woven together to create a loose mesh in assorted styles and colors. In its crevices grow funguses and mosses which are fed by your sweat as you go about your day! For colder climates, try our real Bark long johns. |
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Jan 9, 2018 19:52
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It's me, Hall of Famer Charles Barkley, but once you see my pants you'll want to call me Charles BarkTree. When your friends see you in these pants, they'll be green with envy. Try a pair out for yourself, they'll grow on you. Water you waiting for?
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Jan 9, 2018 20:07
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An alocholic sports drink marketed to basketball players and called Shooterz. Quicksilver, the only toothpaste with the cavity-fighting powers of mercury. The Personal Anxiety Klaxon informs everyone nearby that you are uncomfortable without requiring those messy conversations. |
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Jan 9, 2018 20:34
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Ancient Eskimos have known how to survive in the harshest winter environments since time immemorial, yet modern societies heating systems require expensive annual maintinence and repair, not to mention ever increasing energy bills! Well, the solution is finally here. iGloo©. Did you know that the average computer user replaces their cell phone, computer tower, printer, and tablet on average every two years? Modern computer component recycling is actually outsourced or sold overseas! Why not recycle your old computer parts AND keep jobs here with our brand new patented electronic adhesive. iGloo can take your old computer and electronic parts and form them into dense cubes which, when stacked against the walls of your home or apartment, form an inexpensive heat retaining barrier. Tell the energy company to take a hike and order today! |
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Jan 9, 2018 21:02
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The wait is over, linguists have finally pored over the Q*bert texts and have a full translation of the hit game Q*bert. Here's a selection from the letter H: @!#?@! = Hello %#@^% = Hey !@^%#* = Hi There #0@$$ = Ho rear end (*&$#! = Howdy
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Jan 9, 2018 21:53
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canyoneer posted:My dude check out Wiener Circle Has anyone ever gone there and started crying profusely when they insult you. Would they break character and tell you to calm down or call the cops?
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Jan 10, 2018 03:41
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I wonder if I can offer a pure yelling service without muddling the experience with food. You give me money, I say unforgivable things at you, and you get on with your day. |
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Jan 10, 2018 03:48
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Jolo posted:The wait is over, linguists have finally pored over the Q*bert texts and have a full translation of the hit game Q*bert. Here's a selection from the letter H: '` = Sense perceptions can be and often are false and deceptive, however real they may appear to us. Where there is realization outside the senses, it is infallible. It is proved not by extraneous evidence but in the transformed conduct and character of those who have felt the real presence of God within.
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Jan 10, 2018 04:02
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I wonder if I can offer a pure yelling service without muddling the experience with food. You give me money, I say unforgivable things at you, and you get on with your day. You most definitely can. Whether you can profit is another question. I recommend https://www.fiverr.com as a platform!
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Jan 10, 2018 04:05
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That one episode of the original Ducktales cartoon, where Scrooge McDuck recounts how he once cleverly lured a herd of elephants to run over a bunch of coal, crushing it into diamonds. And then following that up with a boast about how he then slaughtered the elephants and sold their meat, hides, and tusks for extra profit.
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Jan 10, 2018 07:05
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Kthulhu5000 posted:That one episode of the original Ducktales cartoon, where Scrooge McDuck recounts how he once cleverly lured a herd of elephants to run over a bunch of coal, crushing it into diamonds. And then following that up with a boast about how he then slaughtered the elephants and sold their meat, hides, and tusks for extra profit. I heard they only banned that because the flashing lights used during the diamond-making scene caused some children to become entrepreneurs. |
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Jan 10, 2018 21:30
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albany academy posted:I heard they only banned that because the flashing lights used during the diamond-making scene caused some children to become entrepreneurs. It makes sense. Disney doesn't want competition against its diamond mining and ivory trade divisions, because how else is Pixar going to make its beloved films? ---------------- |
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Jan 10, 2018 21:56
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Cambridge, England, early 1700s. Isaac Newton is embroiled in a dispute with Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz over the development of calculus, and is pontificating to his fellow professors on what a dick Leibniz is. Producing a parcel of loose sheets of paper, Newton snidely proclaims that contained upon them is correspondence from Leibniz, containing a mathematical problem and a claim that Newton's calculus will not be able to solve it. "Poppycock!" proclaims Newton. He will solve it, and rebuke Leibniz in the process! Newton's audience watches as he intently pores over the problem, solving it piece by piece and chalking out notes on a blackboard. For the period, at least, it is an astounding sight. Newton is computing the problem at high speed, like a machine, almost as if he is in a heavenly trance with the angels. It is as if his mind and hands are under someone else's control, and he is no longer aware of his earthly existence. The minutes tick by, the blackboard fills up, and Newton is visibly sweating. But still he forges on, unaware, until he stops. At the very bottom of the blackboard, he strikes his chalk across it in a horizontal line, and then taps the blackboard at the end, as if to punctuate it for emphasis. He turns around, bold, and triumphantly shouts "There! You see, gentlemen? The solution!" Newton's elation deflates when he sees the faces of his audience, tittering in merriment and trying, vainly, to suppress their giggling. Newton gets a stern look on his face, turns around, and looks at the solution: "Newton is a foppish simpleton who huffeth his own excretory gases". In a rage, he pounds his fist on the blackboard and yells "LEIBNIZ!". For Newton, you see, has been so verily owned. Kthulhu5000 fucked around with this message at 22:52 on Jan 10, 2018 ---------------- |
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Jan 10, 2018 22:20
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Knockoff Hogwarts for Gullible "Wizards" Quidditch match is just a bunch of kids hitting around various misshapen nerf balls while straddling garden rakes. Periodically the "snitch", a sewer rat spray painted gold, will scurry onto the field and get chased by the rake riding children. "Careful with the front end of that snitch, kids. He might have uhh... the bubonic magicplague." Sorting hat is just a fat guy wearing a Phillies baseball cap that sorts each kid into a house based on what ethnicity he thinks they are. "Brian. you're in House Whitewash. Ahmed... uhh, you're in House Sandtrash." Shape-shifting instructor will skip entire classes by releasing a bird in the classroom and then setting out a sign that reads, "To pass this class, use your magics to turn me human again."
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Jan 10, 2018 23:36
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Jolo posted:Knockoff Hogwarts for Gullible "Wizards" I got my master's degree online from Dogfarts University. It's regionally accredited, just like the ivy league schools are. |
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Jan 10, 2018 23:49
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Kthulhu5000 posted:Cambridge, England, early 1700s. Isaac Newton is embroiled in a dispute with Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz over the development of calculus, and is pontificating to his fellow professors on what a dick Leibniz is. Producing a parcel of loose sheets of paper, Newton snidely proclaims that contained upon them is correspondence from Leibniz, containing a mathematical problem and a claim that Newton's calculus will not be able to solve it. "Poppycock!" proclaims Newton. He will solve it, and rebuke Leibniz in the process! I enjoyed this |
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Jan 11, 2018 03:31
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I also enjoy all the posts |
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Jan 11, 2018 03:31
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alnilam posted:I also enjoy all the posts I enjoy my friends enjoying things!
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Jan 11, 2018 14:52
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TV sitcom, Frankenstein: Firefighter! Our hero Frankie works at the local volunteer fire department. Frankie is everyone's neighborhood friend, but when he shows up on the scene to fight the flames, he faces his mortal enemy! Fire Chief: Oh, no! There's a 3-alarm fire at the strip mall! We're gonna need EVERYONE on this one! Assistant Fire Chief: Everyone? *all eyes on Frankie* Fire Chief: EVERYONE! Frankie *waving arms frantically*: FIRE BAD! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 11, 2018 17:23
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Splatmaster posted:TV sitcom, Frankenstein: Firefighter! lol ---------------- |
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Jan 11, 2018 17:26
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Splatmaster posted:TV sitcom, Frankenstein: Firefighter! Frankie, you're the tallest, can you respond to this call from a little girl to get her kitty out of a tree? *later, frankie walking in looking dour* Chief: for the last time, little girls don't like being thrown into water!! you're just lucky this girl is a good swimmer and thought it was fun. Frankie: me sorry Chief: well i think we all learned a lot about ourselves today, and about being considerate of others  *awwww* Jerry the goofball character: hey these burgs are almost done, comin right up Frankie, seeing the grease flaming up the grill: RNNNGG FIRE BAD Jerry: no frankie wait! Frankie tackles jerryAND the grill to the ground, all laugh, zoom out w credits music |
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Jan 11, 2018 17:44
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can i make a butt joke?
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Jan 11, 2018 18:07
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you bet your... well you know |
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Jan 11, 2018 18:10
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like fingerprints, everyone's butthole stamp is unique *bows* ty for reading
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Jan 11, 2018 18:18
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POOL IS CLOSED posted:like fingerprints, everyone's butthole stamp is unique Defense Attorney: My client is innocent! Judge: I don't think you can use that as your opening statment... Prosecutor: I... object? Judge: What is the basis of your assertation that your client is innocent? Defense: You got the wrong rear end in a top hat! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 11, 2018 18:24
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Splatmaster posted:Defense Attorney: My client is innocent! 
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Jan 11, 2018 18:26
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POOL IS CLOSED posted:like fingerprints, everyone's butthole stamp is unique artist ("artist"?) wim delvoye has you covered  clicky if you dare
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Jan 11, 2018 19:56
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Splatmaster posted:Defense Attorney: My client is innocent! |
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Jan 11, 2018 20:05
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I like the detail where to defense attorney doesn't really know what they're doing re procedure |
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Jan 11, 2018 20:10
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| # ? May 11, 2024 12:48 |
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Manifisto posted:artist ("artist"?) wim delvoye has you covered Clicked, saw the site title before the page loaded, said "nope" and closed the tab. |
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Jan 11, 2018 22:25
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