- Ride The Gravitron
- May 2, 2008
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by FactsAreUseless
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Nvm, found it. Needed to switch to another search engine for some reason.
Luckily she's getting torn apart in the comments, haha. Some people were trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she quickly killed that by basically saying that men literally can't say no to an affair if the girl is attractive enough
Well she's right. Men are pigs and only think with their penis
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Jan 21, 2018 13:43
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 20:58
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- Palpek
- Dec 27, 2008
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Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.
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Boyfriend [26 M] won't stop commenting on fictional character's attractiveness. I [25 F] am uncomfortable
quote:
I've been in a relationship with my SO for 2 years now. I'm incredibly happy with him, and he never partakes in any immature behavior like openly checking out other women, or commenting on the hotness of my friends, etc. However, almost every time we watch a movie or tv show, he'll say something about a female character he finds attractive, or go, "mmhmm, look at that butt" if an attractive female character turns around. He told me, "Zootopia made me a furry" (we are not furries/have never discussed this before, he just said it out of the blue - we weren't even watching said movie at the time!) and frequently will talk about his favorite female characters without prompting.
Here's the deal: I have no problem with him crushing on fictional characters (human or otherwise). I do have a problem with the frequency in which he brings it up. It's starting to ruin certain shows for me (how could I enjoy watching something when every time a female character he likes is on screen, he talks about her butt?). I don't mind him mentioning fictional crushes to me: I just wish it was less often (I mean, I wouldn't mind if he didn't mention them at all, but, like I said, I totally understand that people find characters hot).
I also never bring up other's attractiveness. I'm demi-sexual, and, honestly, fictional characters or celebrities have never appealed to me. I get that I'm uncommon, though, and I certainly don't hold SO to the same standard. Like I said, if he mentioned once, at the start of the show, that x character was really attractive, I'd be fine with that. Mentioning every scene she's in or "mmmhmm" whenever she turns around? Not as okay.
How do I broach this with SO? This behavior seems abnormal to me, but it might be normal to others? I'm not good with speaking, so I'd love some kind of guideline on what to say, if anyone thinks saying anything at all is appropriate. I sort of feel like asking him to stop telling me about fictional character's attractiveness completely, even though that's a bit extreme, so I am sure he stops. Is that the right move?
What's funny is, he literally has no celebrity crushes. He just likes characters.
tl;dr: SO comments too much on fictional character's attractiveness. I'd love a script on how to ask him to stop or cut down on this behavior.
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Jan 21, 2018 14:16
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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Script first draft:
Living Room, Midday
GIRLFRIEND: I'm leaving you for somebody less of a loving weirdo creep
BOYFRIEND: Mmmmhmmmhmmmhmmm
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Jan 21, 2018 14:22
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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What's a demisexual? Someone only attracted to 1/4 of the people they normally would be?
It's when a sexual and an asexual person have a kid, like a Greek God thing I think.
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Jan 21, 2018 14:27
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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My [20m] coworker [early 20s] is horribly depressed but I'm not sure if I should care.
quote:Ok so this is really complicated (or i'm just dumb). My coworker is the most miserable wreck of a human being I have ever met. On her best days she looks like a lobotomy patient/robot/kristen stewart. On normal days she has a permanent scowl that looks like she could either rip your head off or start sobbing at any second. Lucky for her the place we work at doesnt require us to look nice (no customer service).
Everyone who works here generally gets along rather well except her. She seems to intentionally distance herself from everyone else. Once again, she is lucky this isnt really a "teamwork" job. As long as she get her poo poo done our manager doesnt care in the slightest. Whenever someone tries to talk to her she shoots a glare that could melt steel, which mostly just pisses people off rather than intimidate but the result is the same. No one tries to talk to her outside of work related topics (and even then reluctantly).
Naturally being the curious (ie nosy) guy I am, I decided to try and talk to her to see what her deal was. After a few days of mildly bugging her trying to talk, she finally let it out. HO-LY poo poo did she let it out.
She spent what I think was maybe 5 minutes ranting about her life. She was kinda hard to understand (really fast talking) and I couldnt get in a word in to ask for clarification, but from what I can piece together
*In high school (didn't specify year) she was a bully to another student. Apparently something happened involving suicide (didnt hear if it was attempted or successful)
*everyone in her life (friends, extended family and especially immediate family) heard about it and instantly turned on her
*she was kicked out ON her 18th birthday, never finished high school and was homeless for months
*she made multiple lovely divisions that hosed her over even more (apparently drugs was NOT one of them)
*she has worked this job ever since
By the end of her rant she was crying. I dont think she tells that story very often (although it sounded scripted, like she has gone over it in her head but never said it out loud.....i know that feel). She then turned around and speed walked away. I was still standing there trying to figure out if I should hate her or not.
Here is my main problem. I strongly believe in eye for an eye. If someone killed themselves or tried to kill themselves because of her, I think she deserves nothing but misery in life. Thing is, I never realized how easy that is to say when you arent directly in front of them. I cant tell if she feels guilty about it or its just self pity, but either way she is absolutely miserable. Also, I can really empathize with her. To me it seems like a horrible mistake she made years ago. I know what mistakes feel like. HOWEVER, none of my mistakes almost killed anyone. Hell most of my major mistakes lasted a year at most and mainly affected me.
So yeah. Morality is telling me she is a horrible piece of human garbage who shouldnt be alive, while the rest of me wants to give her a hug because god drat does she needs one. I havent really told anyone at work since i figure that would be a dick move. Should I put in some sort of effort to help or let her enjoy the grave she dug herself?
PS: All this happened a yesterday (thursday), the rant seemed more "look how much of a piece of poo poo I am, why are you trying to talk to me" rather than "boo hoo, my life sucks, feel bad for me" but what do I know?
tl;dr: Coworker royally screwed herself over as a teenager. She kinda deserves it but at the same time I can't help but feel she needs some sort of help. Should I care?
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Jan 21, 2018 14:35
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- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
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Exploration is ill-advised.
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There's a point where people need to realise; no matter what your mother and/or cartoons told you, sometimes other people's problems are Not Your Problem, and it's best for all involved to just let them sort their own poo poo out or wallow in their own misery rather than flail directionlessly hoping you'll somehow make things better. They have therapists for a reason.
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Jan 21, 2018 14:47
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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My [20m] coworker [early 20s] is horribly depressed but I'm not sure if I should care.
This guy updated:
quote:
tl;dr of OP: Found out coworker was a lovely person in high school. Her life was ruined because of it and she became a complete wreck of a human. I kinda felt bad about it.
Onto the update. Its been about 3 weeks since all that business happened. I took the advice of most of the comments and tried to "help. It mostly consisted of me being nice to her and casually trying to talk to her. At first she seemed kind of annoyed and confused and usually just brushed me off. Although I do note that she brushed me off a lot more polity than she used to.
After about a week of that she actually started replying to me in full sentences and then we started having full conversations. She is actually surprisingly smart for a high school drop out (not that she dropped out because she was dumb). Plus she plays video games so that gives us plenty to talk about (a friendless anti-social introvert who only leaves home for work and food is a gamer? Hard to believe, I know, but just use your imagination). I gave her my gamertag and we started playing together over Xbox live. She is a bit more outgoing with a screen separating us.
She still has that "resting bitch face" problem and she still kinda avoids other co workers but she has certainly softened up a bit. Now if other coworkers try to talk to her, instead of glaring and ignoring them, she just looks uncomfortable, mumbles something and scurries away. Also, earlier this week, I had to come in to cover for someone who was out sick. When I got to work, I noticed she had her usual scowl on but when she noticed I was there she noticeably brightened up. That makes me feel pretty good although I find it kinda odd she changed so much in a few weeks. All i've done is be nice to her.
She also has a tendency to insult herself. At first I thought she was fishing for compliments, but after a particularly brutal round of self deprecation, I "took the bait" and tried to downplay it. She looked at me with a look that said "don't patronize me. We both know I'm right". I don't really know how to handle that.
Also, something I found kinda funny. Last Saturday I needed to kill a few hours so i decided to go to a movie (Used to work at a theater. Manager is a bro. Me and a guest get in free). Before I was going to go, coworker and I were playing Xbox. She seemed bored and I could get her in free too so i asked if she wanted to go. It took a bit of convincing but I eventually got her to come. We met up at the theater and went to see Zootopia (Deadpool isnt in that theater anymore and all the other movies out now suck. Sue me).
If anyone has seen it, the opening involves the main character as a kid being bullied by a fox. I glanced over at coworker and she had the face of someone being forced to watch her grandparents do it. I have never seen someone so uncomfortable in my life. While I felt a little bad for her, one thing I find funny no matter what is irony (I know, i'm an rear end in a top hat). I had to try really hard not to chuckle. (Like I said, I know i'm an rear end). She liked the rest of it though so at least it didnt ruin her day.
Side note: I guess that means she feels bad about what she did. So thats pretty good.
Yesterday during our break, she elaborated her story a bit more. While she didn't try and make herself look any better she certainly made her family look worse. Weird thing is, she didnt sound like she blamed them. She simply explained what happened like it was perfectly normal. Once again, I didnt know how to handle that and didnt really say anything notable. Our break ended and that was that.
Anyway, thats about it for the update. Although can I get some feedback? I am no therapist, I don't know how to handle her self deprecation and i'm still her only friend. What am I doing right, what am I doing wrong, what should I do, and what shouldn't I do?
tl;dr: Coworker and I are friends now. She is still a total downer, her self esteem is in the negatives, and i'm the only person she willingly talks to. Yay?
edit: Ok just want to make a few things clear.
I am her friend because we share common interests and she is alright to hang out with. If we had nothing in common, I would have simply kept being nice and left it at that
To the people who are thinking this will end in some romantic oscar-bait bullshit; first off NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE, and second, am I really the only guy capable of having female friends? Jesus christ guys
I mean, it’s nice he’s being nice to her, but he really comes off like he’s being nice to her as some sort of, I dunno, social experiment? Also, Jesus at the part I bolded ‘a scene in a movie affected her; but boy oh boy I had to struggle not to laugh’.
Bullying people is awful, and from him pussyfooting around the story, if she bullied someone who committed suicide and her friends and family all turned on her and kicked her out, I can see why you don’t really open up to people.
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Jan 21, 2018 14:55
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- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
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Exploration is ill-advised.
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Said scene did involve cartoon animals.
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Jan 21, 2018 15:59
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- Palpek
- Dec 27, 2008
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Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.
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My [36F] friends [26M+F] of 5 years took me in, but are mean to me
quote:
I divorced my husband and lost my house because I couldn't afford it anymore. I have these two friends who are a couple who said I could go live with them for free for as long as I needed to (they are well-off, they make 100k per year). They were 200 miles away in Maine but I managed to make it up there. They have always been very nice people and I didn't have any reason to believe they wouldn't be. They are writers and I should've figured they would be eccentric but this is extreme.
The trouble started when I got up here. First off my sisters helped me pack and made me get rid of almost everything because they said I was a "hoarder." Hoarders hoard trash. I had nice things... antiques, furniture, etc. So I was already not in a good place when I made it up here, and it was compounded by the fact that I could only bring one cat and had to give my other four to friends (they have two cats and said they didn't want to have seven which is somewhat understandable I guess). My friends were giving me a nice-sized room on the first floor that they said was the biggest in the house (I don't think it is, I think their bedroom is), but it wasn't big enough for all the furniture I brought and I was panicking because I didn't know what to do with it. They told me to just put it in the living room for now and they'd figure it out later so I wouldn't have to deal with it right away.
I didn't feel like going through it for a few weeks and they started to get irritated with me. I arranged the furniture in the living room so it would look nice and thought they might not mind it but they told me I was "taking over" their house. I told them it was my house too and they said I was not their roommate, they only took me in because I needed help and they loved me etc. So I said I would pay rent, and they said no, because they don't need the money and they don't want me to feel like I had "roommate rights." I should've known then that there was an issue and we obviously got off on the wrong foot.
Not too long after that, my cat got sick and I needed to take her to the vet but didn't have any money. I went to them to ask if I could borrow money (since, you know, they have plenty of it). They told me that they would pay for it because it was an emergency and they love the cat, but that their money is not mine to ask for again and that they don't want to hear me still complaining about not being able to bring more cats if I can't even pay for the one I have. They also said it was my fault for being broke because I still hadn't tried to look for a job. That really hurt because I have depression and it's not my fault I can't work that much, and we got into a huge argument. Then the next week I found out one of my other friends can't keep one of my cats anymore and will have to bring him to the no-kill shelter if I can't take him. I went to my roommates and they said no because of the lease (even though the landlords are never here) and because they just paid for my other cat and they don't want me having more cats I can't afford[/b] because they'll be put in a position where they have to pay for him too. I told them I would NOT ask them again and they said "obviously we can't let a cat suffer if he needs a vet" and that I would be "putting them in a horrible position." I said that is THEIR faults and they actually shut their door on me. They did not even blink when I started crying, and now my cat is in a shelter and I had to watch someone else adopt him.
After that they have been weird with me, and avoiding me. I already rarely saw them because they work constantly in their home office, which stinks and I've said before I wish they would come out and hang out with me because I'm more social than they are. I've asked if they could bring their laptops down and watch TV with me but they said it would distract them from writing, and they took it as "guilt tripping" and said I should treat it like they work outside the home (but... they don't). After a long period of avoiding me they gave me a letter detailing all these things they're upset with me over and haven't talked to me about because they said I "freak out" if they come to me in person and make them feel horrible. So they wrote it down. There is a lot of stuff in there, like how it's not fair that I leave my dishes on the counter when I don't have the energy to do them, or how my stuff is still in their living room (it looks nice so I don't see a problem with it), or how it bothers them that I "hounded" them for a live Christmas tree until they caved because I "was acting like they ruining Christmas" (they believe trees have souls, they are part Native American but that's still insane and it was THEIR decision to get one anyway). The biggest kicker is that they told me my daughter, who moved up here with me, needs to move in May because they're trying to have a baby and want HER room to be their nursery. The wife hasn't even gotten pregnant yet, they are thinking way too far ahead, what if they miscarry etc. And my daughter hasn't even applied to college yet, she was planning on trying to start school in August. I asked them for a few extra months because she's only 23 and they said I keep trying to "move boundaries" and they're not budging. Where is she supposed to go until then?? Moreover they told me I'm a "transphobe" for correcting them when they call her by her "preferred name and pronouns" which I hate to hear anyone use. She isn't transgendered, she is non-binary.
I sent THEM a letter back calling them out on their crap and they banded together and told me to stop or it's not going to work. Where am I supposed to go if it doesn't work?? I feel like they're holding me hostage here because they know I can't leave and are being mean to me for no reason. I pointed this out and they said "boundaries aren't mean." Um. I don't need boundaries. I'm not a child.
Is there any way I can make them see MY perspective in all this? 
tl;dr: Friends took me in and are being mean to me, and I'm trapped. 
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Jan 21, 2018 16:33
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- Sotar
- Dec 1, 2009
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And that is why you really shouldn't let someone stay long-term if they don't have a job or pay rent.
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Jan 21, 2018 16:39
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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Almost certainly fake, but if it's not I'm praying she gets crushed by angry pine trees.
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Jan 21, 2018 16:40
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- boner confessor
- Apr 25, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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This guy updated:
I mean, it’s nice he’s being nice to her, but he really comes off like he’s being nice to her as some sort of, I dunno, social experiment?
fifty fifty he's got low self esteem and sees her as a fixer-upper lay
I’m not to sure about the psychology of hoarders; but aren’t a lot of the more extreme ones prone to being pretty delusional? ‘I need all this stuff’ ‘No it’s not trash!’ Lady you don’t need to be stockpiling old newspapers and broken accordions like a Collyer brother to be a hoarder.
the op is definitely lazy, demanding, self-centered, and coats herself in unnecessary drama, but i dont think she's a hoarder
e: also she had her daughter when she was 13???
boner confessor fucked around with this message at 17:19 on Jan 21, 2018
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Jan 21, 2018 17:15
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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My [36F] friends [26M+F] of 5 years took me in, but are mean to me
Every new thing this woman brings up is another level of crazy, like Dante's Inferno. At the bottom is her, with three heads, crying and squatting on her mountain of furniture.
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Jan 21, 2018 17:16
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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Every new thing this woman brings up is another level of crazy, like Dante's Inferno. At the bottom is her, with three heads, crying and squatting on her mountain of furniture.
Now available in Early Access on Steam.
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Jan 21, 2018 17:23
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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When should I [21 M] ask my climbing partner [20 F] out?
quote:
/relationshipthrow958
I'm a rock climber and you usually need a partner to climb. There are usually online groups and stuff to help you find partners. Around a week ago, I met this girl through one of these groups and we climbed together a couple of times.
I find her really cute and we have a ton in common so I want to ask her out.
I've been trying to decide if I should do it now or wait a week or two. On the one the hand, if I wait too long she might just see me as a friend and lose interest. On other other hand, if I wait a bit we might become closer by climbing together for a while.
What do you think I should do?
TL;DR: Met cute girl, don't know how long to wait before asking her out
I don't know about this but I did read Touching the Void and I feel like it's a bad idea to start a romantic relationship with somebody who could easily murder you if they felt like it
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Jan 21, 2018 17:27
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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When should I [21 M] ask my climbing partner [20 F] out?
I don't know about this but I did read Touching the Void and I feel like it's a bad idea to start a romantic relationship with somebody who could easily murder you if they felt like it
Epic way to die, though.
I see no downslopes.
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Jan 21, 2018 17:31
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- boner confessor
- Apr 25, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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is it possible for someone to be so dense?
it is, but usually they wont list all the ways they suck in detail. they'll be much more vague and fractured about what happened
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Jan 21, 2018 17:40
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Epic way to die, though.
I see no downslopes.
"You're a nice girl but I think we should see other peo--" *sound of a rope frantically being sawed at* "Why did I do this at Yosemite"
Me[27M] goes to the climbing gym with my friend[28F], and my of four months GF[25F] can't stand it.
quote:
u/im_batman_no_really
So I[27M] recently graduated I used to go to the climbing gym once or twice a week with my friend[28F] so that I could get back into shape, when we could swing it. I got a new girlfriend[25F] nearly five months ago and she was uncomfortable with me having female friends at all, instructing me that I couldn't see them anymore.
I stressed that there's zero attraction and that I'm all her's. She would have none of it.
That put a hold on my climbing workouts while I waited for her to warm-up to the idea, but lately I've been feeling blah and I went climbing with my friend again this past Sunday, being totally open with my GF. I'm going climbing again tonight and GF says that two times a week is too much to be seeing the same person; that it's disrespectful of her wishes and ultimately resents me for my decision to see my friend again.
She used the example that none of her friends' BFs would hang out with girls because they know better. She's questioning my judgement and the core of our relationship.
tl;dr: GF[F] thinks I don't respect her because I[M] go to the gym with my friend[F].
According to r/r there are a LOT of girlfriends who are apparently insecure about their boyfriends' climbing partners.
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Jan 21, 2018 17:42
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Sever the rope tying you to this girl and then go free climb the Grand Tetons.
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Jan 21, 2018 17:48
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- Power Khan
- Aug 20, 2011
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by Fritz the Horse
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"You're a nice girl but I think we should see other peo--" *sound of a rope frantically being sawed at* "Why did I do this at Yosemite"
Me[27M] goes to the climbing gym with my friend[28F], and my of four months GF[25F] can't stand it.
According to r/r there are a LOT of girlfriends who are apparently insecure about their boyfriends' climbing partners.
It's the strong back musculature.
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Jan 21, 2018 17:50
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Sounds like the GF has low self-esteem and realizes that people that climb often tend to be fit and fit people tend to be attractive. Why doesn't GF just go to the gym with them and get fit? 
Climbing is haaaaaaaaaaaaard, also it makes my partner too attractive which makes me feel bad, I want him to stay home and watch TV with me so we both look like wads of cookie dough rolled in hair
My [28F] Climbing Partners [30,26F] Are a Drag
quote:
u/Sharkbutter
To preface this, I actually like these people outside of the gym. They are otherwise smart, capable, and good friends. This post just highlights the negatives so of course it sound so much worse when it isn't balanced, so keep that in mind. I just need to get this off my chest and solicit a little perspective. Thanks for listening.
My two friends and I started rock climbing together about 1.5 years ago and progressed quickly because we are in the gym 3 days a week. In the past 8 months I have been putting in extra effort in training and it really shows in my skill level. They don't do any extra, which is fine. It's not even the gap in our skill levels that bothers me. What bothers me is the constant negativity and unwillingness to make improvements on things that they constantly complain about.
I have stopped giving advice or "beta" (when it is asked for, I try to avoid giving beta unless it is solicited) because it gets thrown back in my face with the attitude of, " well that's easy for you, because you are just naturally good at climbing". It's like saying that Asian kid is good at Math because he is Asian, not because he works for it. I've mentioned this and it was promptly dismissed. "Well maybe a little, but you are just a natural so it's much easier for you"
When they come down off of a route that they struggled with, they name all the things wrong with that route and how it could be improved to better suit them and their ability. When they can't do something, it isn't because they need to work harder or be more strategic, it's because they are too short, or their leg doesn't bend that way, or because the route wasn't built correctly. This has spawned another interesting dynamic: they now believe that they are better than I am because they have all these perceived handicaps that they have overcome. I am not interested in who is better. It's not a contest! It's not like I don't have issues (who doesn't?), I just don't whine constantly about them.
The constant "I can't, I hate that, that sucked" is really wearing on me. For example, when they say that they are struggling with fear of falling (constant in this sport), I say that personally, bouldering really helps me get over it. They say that they are too scared to boulder. I mention that that's is the point, to do something you are scared of, or bad at, until you aren't. This is met with a roll of eyes and a, "Sharkbutter, that is just because you are crazy".
Or another gem that has started - I am pretty strong and tend to muscle my way though things when I don't know what to do so when I mess up footwork somehow and make it more difficult instead of using proper technique it is now known as "sharkbuttering it" (insert my name instead of user name). It was sort of funny the first 7 times but now it's a thing and I am starting to resent it because of everything else.
It is now to the point where I take joy when they struggle because of a sick "I told you so" mentality. I never say anything and try to keep positive, or at least silent because I want to be an example and not feed into their negativity.
It's not all bad! It seems like, contrary to all evidence during the sessions, they get a lot of satisfaction from the sport. They must, if they keep doing it. They are great cheerleaders when they aren't being dicks.
So, give me some perspective:
-Maybe I am doing something to breed resentment on their end?
-Am I being too sensitive?
-I know I can't change them, so what can I do to change my attitude toward them?
-Do I salvage this aspect of our relationship, or move on? How do I salvage? If I should move on, then how do I dump them without damaging the friendship?
-If nothing else, they are reliable climbing partners. They are good friend and I don't come by that easily, so I don't just drop friend when poo poo gets tough.
-I feel a little better just writing this. A little.
tl;drClimbing buddies are good friend, but not while climbing. Salvage or move on?
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Jan 21, 2018 18:31
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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My [28F] Climbing Partners [30,26F] Are a Drag
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Jan 21, 2018 18:39
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- navier-stoked
- Aug 30, 2004
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Climbing is haaaaaaaaaaaaard, also it makes my partner too attractive which makes me feel bad, I want him to stay home and watch TV with me so we both look like wads of cookie dough rolled in hair
My [28F] Climbing Partners [30,26F] Are a Drag
Listening to people complain about things that they couldn't possibly change (e.g. leg length) to avoid having to address their own shortcomings is agonizing. Bonus points if they whine about their inability to get better.
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Jan 21, 2018 18:48
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Listening to people complain about things that they couldn't possibly change (e.g. leg length) to avoid having to address their own shortcomings is agonizing. Bonus points if they whine about their inability to get better.
There are leg-lengthening operations, clearly if you aren't willing to do that you just don't want it enough 
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Jan 21, 2018 19:06
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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My BF (27/M) was so wasted last night that I woke up to find him slumped over the kitchen table. His friends, that I just met, came over to our apartment and stayed till 6 AM doing coke. I told him these things were disappointing to me and he told me to gently caress off.
quote:Now he is in our bedroom back in bed. He has been in there all day, only getting up to vomit. I am pretty sure he did coke with them but he is denying it because he knows it upsets me. I was shocked and disgusted to find him in that state this morning. He had all of his clothes on and was slumped on a kitchen chair. I honestly thought he was dead. I waited to see him breathing. It was vile and traumatizing.
His friends were nice enough but I thought it was so rude for them to come over, we had just met, and as soon as they sat down to start doing coke for the next three hours. I told them if they want to smoke they need to go out back, but two minutes later my BF lit a cigarette and I had to tell him to go outside. He acted a little annoyed and took his time to walk out back to smoke.
I stayed up with them because our bedroom is right next to the living room and it would've been awkward to leave.
My BF was also blasting music at 5 AM and I had to turn it down myself even though he knows we need to be careful as the landlord lives directly above us.
I am just disappointed and I told him it wasn't okay and he told me I was a baby and to gently caress off and that he'll never invite me to hang out with his friends again because I am so "judgemental." He says everyone does coke. I don't. I am 28 and we have been together for 4 years. We just moved here and I thought things would be different but of course he found all the wrong friends again who do drugs and he can get shitfaced with every weekend. So gross to me also a loss of a good day when we both work so much during the week.
Now he is mad at me and says he is sick of me because I always complain.
How to do deal with this? Am I being unreasonable?
tl;dr: My BF (27/M) was so wasted last night that I woke up to find him slumped over the kitchen table. His friends, that I just met, came over to our apartment and stayed till 6 AM doing coke. I told him these things were disappointing to me and he told me to gently caress off. quote:
[–]laidbackpoolparty [score hidden] 17 hours ago
You thought things would be different but he found bad friends that ruined him again? Again? What’s that about?
[–]kiki1238[S] [score hidden] 17 hours ago
Well he had nice friends back where we used to live but a few of them did drugs and he would be out every weekend getting trashed with them and coming back at 6/8 AM the next day. We moved to a new place and he got a great job. Fulltime. Great pay. Something he didn't have before. And I imagined he would grow up a bit and maybe find some better kind of friends. It upsets me he's found the same type of people who do drugs (he probably does too?) and to get shitfaced with and keep me up worried. I don't know what to do or how to deal anymore.
[–]laidbackpoolparty [score hidden] 16 hours ago
I hate to break it to you but he is the type of person who does drugs and gets shitfaced.
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Jan 21, 2018 19:06
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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My [27F] son [3M] broke his toes throwing a tantrum yesterday. I am being chastized by my mom and sister [60F & 25F] that I didn't get him the thing he threw a tantrum over.
Tell them to take their complaints up with the rock
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Jan 21, 2018 19:18
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- DACK FAYDEN
- Feb 25, 2013
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Bear Witness
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I like how they're mad that she made her three year old son eat vegetables instead of fries. Like, if I squint I can kind of understand why they would think she should buy Batman because she has a lot of money (which is stupid but I can see where they got the idea) but what the gently caress.
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Jan 21, 2018 20:57
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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My [31F] husband [32M] is coping with his low self-esteem by emulating dim witted tv show characters
quote:
My husband has awful self-esteem and I've tried talking to him time after time about those issues and the issues surrounding it. I am very blunt and direct. I also always tell him what I find physically and emotionally attractive about him, how much I appreciate him, etc, but he always responds with asking if I'm being sarcastic or asking what I am implying.
He wasn't always like this. He went through a couple things that he deemed as personal failures and it seemed like he went through a slow, downward spiral since then. (Failed out of college and gained weight.) And yes, I've tried to lead by example, offer suggestions and motivation. None of it works. Yes, I've insisted he goes to a counselor or therapist and he refuses.
Now, over the past year in addition to his constant negative self-talk, he's starting to emulate tv show characters that are dim-witted or outcasts. Now, I can handle him acting like Joe Dirt on occasion. But lately he has been having the mannerisms, voice, and quoting Ernest P. Worrell (Jim Varney) and Peewee Herman. It's during date nights, dinner, first thing in the morning, last thing before bed, and even during sex. I told him I hate that he does this. I asked him to stop. I also asked him why he's doing this and he said, "It's because they're so relatable! No one likes them. They're outcasts and I think they're great!" I never watched any of those shows/movies so I'm not sure how much of his behavior he's getting from them, but he's acting like a cartoon character. If he gets cold, he starts dramatically shaking and he'll say, "VvvVvvvVV It's cold! VvvvvVVvvvVVvVv." Or if there is a suspenseful part of a movie he'll make a fist, bite it, open his eyes wide and turn toward me.
His low self-esteem is also starting to affect his health. He won't eat all day (because he thinks he's fat), then he'll binge on junk food on night. He has about a dozen cavities and he walked out of his dental appointment because they told him he would have to wait 15 minutes. (It took me about six months to get him to go.) He refuses to reschedule because "it's an outrage" that they made him wait. He also used to shower everyday since he has a labor intensive job and now it's only a few times a week.
I work as an advocate for people in emergency situations. Many of these people are victims of domestic violence or violence due to their sexual orientation. Or some people have lost their jobs and need emergency housing. My husband has taken to making fun of them and saying how they deserve it. Yes, I've told him to stop.
I'm not currently in a position to divorce him and I really don't want to divorce him anyway. But it seems like it's getting to that point. I just don't know what to do about everything anymore.
Right now, I'm focusing on the emulating tv characters because for some reason I feel utter rage when he does it and often times I have to leave the room for a minute. But yes, I realize there are a ton of other problems.
tl;dr: Husband has low self-esteem. Won't stop acting like Peewee Herman and Ernest Worrell. I can't stand it. I've told him to stop and he won't. I've talked to him about all his issues and it doesn't matter. What should I do?
*Edit: Contrary to how it may seem in this post, I love him very much and I'm sure he loves me. I just want to find a way to help him and a way to help myself cope with his behaviors.
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Jan 21, 2018 21:18
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 31, 2024 20:58
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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I mean, mom could have handled it better, but the last thing you want to do is reward an escalating tantrum by caving and giving them the thing he wants. Mom and sister are idiots.
I don't think she could have, honestly. Never give in to tantrums. Child psychologists say you should ignore them when they throw tantrums.
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Jan 21, 2018 21:18
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Jan 21, 2018 13:43
Cat Army 
